A few words from Lord Havelock Vetinari
On the occasion of the twinning of Ankh-Morpork with Wincanton, 2002.
"This address was written by me, Terry Pratchett, and delivered with appropriate solemnity by Stephen Briggs, who has often played the part of Lord Vetinari in amateur dramatic plays: frankly, it’s hard to get him out of the costume! A bewildered bystander, I watched the twinning, which was of course attended by many, many fans wearing strange and exotic garments, in some cases quite possibly the same garments that they wear every day — but even they were very nearly outdone by the people of Ankh-Morpork who came out dressed, as they say, ‘en fête’. It was one of those occasions when some time afterwards you wake up and think ‘Did that really happen?’ And, on enquiring, I am very glad to hear that it did."
It is with extreme pleasure that I welcome this — I believe — very first twinning between one real and one apparently unreal city. I say apparently because here in Ankh-Morpork we are taking firm steps to make it clear to our citizens that there is indeed a place called Wincanton and that it hasn’t just been made up.
Fortunately we in Ankh-Morpork have the advantage of being the home of Unseen University, whose magical library potentially contains any book that will ever be written anywhere. And it was here, after some searching, we located A Specially Written Guide to Wincanton.
We learned that it is a town noted for the extreme wisdom of its men and the unsurpassed beauty of its women, for its racecourse and for its traditional manufacture of some wondrous thing known as ‘bed ticking’. Beyond that, it would appear that it does what my town does, which is to buckle down and make sure that tomorrow happens.
But we noted with particular interest its provision of large breakfasts to the passing world. According to the wizards of Unseen University, who are no strangers to the art of knife and fork, this is surely one of the noblest activities of mankind. We find, though, that after provisioning the hungry traveller the citizens of Wincanton let them continue on their way with most of their money intact, an oversight which would not be allowed in my own city, let me assure you.
Since an experimental portal was accidentally opened in the High Street, the citizenry may have noticed, in recent years, the occasional strange-garbed yet free-spending visitor from my world, just as we have occasionally received lost souls looking for a really good breakfast or the way back to a place called ‘the Ae Three oh Three’. After a meeting with your venerable councillors, it was decided that the only way to resolve the problem was to make this link formal.
And thus to the people of Wincanton we most heartily extend our hand of friendship, with the other hand hidden behind our backs, and I for one am looking forward to some big sausages and hearing my bed tick.
Patrician of Ankh-Morpork"
— A Blink Of The Screen, Terry Pratchett
