I hate having these harsh thoughts and sharp words.
Forced to speak knives making others bleed, for the sake of own survival.
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@xxbrainwashedxx
I hate having these harsh thoughts and sharp words.
Forced to speak knives making others bleed, for the sake of own survival.

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I hurt my foot at work making it impossible for me to be independent atm.
It is really challenging my ability to ask for things. Wish me luck
i think the worst thing about the whole “anti-woke” culture is how it’s not only dumbing down people (folks are literally forgetting pronouns are an actual word class, an inseperable part of grammar and everyday speech) but also praising meanness and insensibility above all. it has managed to make malice and unkindness synonymous with factfulness and reason as if intelligence didn’t stem from emotions. as if feelings weren’t the very core of human beings. as if knowledge wasn’t achieved through passion, sympathy, and open-mindedness. as if the whole crux of this entire anti-wokeness movement wasn’t rooted in pure unadulterated emotion of hatred and hostility.
Been having thoughts of destructive behaviors.
I wonder if they come about with boredom? I have less stressful shit happening ?
I will not self destruct. I will not ruin my own life I am building.

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I am actively feeling BPD symptoms and coping through feelings around my partner. I had perceived rejection earlier in the day and later got triggered when he was (very routinely) doing things for work.
Half of my brain is yelling saying he’s mad at me and the other half knows he’s changing his clothes. Half of my brain is screaming that he’s stopped loving me and the other half knows we have the biggest life plans.
I opted to communicate my troubles to him, since coping wasn’t working as well as I needed it to.
His response was only love, compassion, and gratefulness. He was so glad he could be there, even virtually, to share the space and exist together.
I was so pained and feared he didn’t love me anymore. In response, all he could convey was how happy he was to be there with me despite my ill feelings.
Mourning my existence
I wonder how refreshing it would be to hose out your skin with some cold water.
Just under the skin layer a nice chill of water that would run out between the skin on your fingers and fingernails
i need to chug this coffee and hit a blinker in the bathroom ASAP
neurotypicals will be like "you can't self diagnose" and then diagnose everyone they dislike as a narcissist
howling

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YOUR EMOTIONS DONT DETERMINE YOUR REALITY.
Your emotions don’t determine your reality.
You are still you and feelings are JUST feelings
maybe the consequences of my actions with make my throat tighten so fast it causes sudden death
Im gonna shill for Marie Kondo again but this is why I find her books (yes, books, the TV show is fun but ultimately misses a lot of the core ideas) so good.
A lot of home org advice fully misses this aspect. Kondo not only acknowledges it, but leans into it. And ultimately this helps motivste me to keep my space tidy - it's really hard to me to keep on the nebulous goal of self-care, but much easier to get up and put things away if I envision my salt and pepper grinders as like, retail workers who are now standing in an empty shop (my dining table) and just wanna go home (the spice rack where they live).
Normie tidying process: that heater should be put away for summer! I mean, I'm not gonna need it
Me: well it's just chilling and also I can't be arsed.
Kondo: that heater has done a good job keeping you warm over winter and now it should get to go have a rest in the cupboard
Me: !! Sabbatical for my heater!! Thank you for your service sir and have a very nice break!
just saw a tiktok or something where the person was saying they did this and they were on a hike and they were like "i managed to get myself to go on this hike because i promised my boots we would go" and its like. OH YEAH. THAT.
Todays starting to feel like “i don’t know why i try”
eveeyones got it wrong your mid 20s arent for going to the club or partying or picking up new crafts. your 20s are for discovering how much more autistic you are than you thought you were in high school

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work has been destroying me so i’m laying down and sobbing to $uicideboys wearing my g59 vest bc im just a lover girl that needs to cry to Ruby the Cherry
“the hardest step is the first step”
how many first steps until it’s not hard anymore?