It never rained in LA. In all Brendon's years of living here, he assumed that he could probably count on his fingers how many times there was actual hard rainfall when living here. Today was one of those days that he could add to his count. The sound of the large drops hitting the roof and all the windows was calming to him. He had been a hermit for quite some time now, but now that it was raining this hard, he actually had an excuse to stay in this time. Right now, he was laid out on the couch in the music room, staring at the framed pictures of his girlfriend plastered on the walls. There had been a lot on his mind these days, but something about the rain had him extra pensive. Whenever he got to thinking too hard was when the bad thoughts started to come in. There he was, in his favorite place in the world, thinking himself into a slump. This room was better with Taylor in it, so after a crash of thunder struck he called out for her, "babe?" He sat up and reached for his guitar, strumming it a few times to make sure it was in tune.
There was something about the roars of thunder and the pitter patters of rain on the roof that put Taylor into a creative mood. She sat in the living room with her feet tucked underneath her, a journal in her lap, and two of the animals on either side of her. She was scribbling down lyrics to a new song that recently inspired her. It wasn't until the huge crash of thunder that she jumped and sprung to her feet. As much as she loved the rain, there was something about the crash of thunder that startled her, along with the various sparks of lightning cracking the deep gray sky. She heard Brendon's voice call out to her from what sounded like the music room. Immediately she darted there, only to find her boyfriend sitting on the couch with a guitar in his lap. "Hi," her sweet voice softly spoke as she slid in right next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. She placed a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. "You working on something new?" she asked, her eyes shifting to the guitar in his hands.
Somehow, the sound of the rain got even harder with the more that Brendon sat there. This truly had been unlike anything he had ever experienced while living in Los Angeles, and it wasn't until the moment he saw Taylor enter the room that he decided he could live like this forever. If all he had in the world was the rain outside, their animals, their instruments, and his girl, he would be fine. He could survive like this for the rest of his life if he had to and the truth was... he wanted to. Living in his head had offered him some good and some bad, but once the familiar scent of Taylor's perfume hit his nose and he saw her standing there - fresh faced in her natural beauty, completely raw and not at all done up, all the negative thoughts were replaced with better ones. "Hmm... maybe," he turned his head to kiss her quickly, then went back to focusing on his strumming. It had been some time since he picked up a guitar, and yet, it still felt natural in his hands. "Something unfamiliar, that's for sure," he nodded, then moved from the couch and onto the floor, so he could fully look at her and she could have the whole thing to herself. "I'm a little rusty..." he mentioned, and as if on cue, one of his strings came undone and he shook his head, before getting up with a huff to find a replacement.
There was no denying the fact that her boyfriend had been in a bit of a funk lately. While Taylor tried her best, she knew that time would hopefully pull him out of it. A small smile tugged on her lips. It was a good sign he was picking up a guitar again. As Brendon shifted to the floor, Taylor laid down on the couch, turning on her side to keep her gaze fixed on him. She couldn't help let out a small laugh at the guitar string's comedic timing. "Here use this one. I just tuned it this morning," the blonde spoke as she reached over the armrest of the couch to grab her deep emerald green-colored guitar. She then shifted back into her prior position, eager to hear him strum away.
There was an attempt and replacing the string, but ultimately, he frustratingly set the guitar down on the floor with the broken string just hanging off of it. He didn’t realize that months of not working on anything would impact him this much, but he knew it wasn’t a skill he wanted to lose completely. It was something that was completely his. Many years locked up in his room as a teenager because he acted out, said or did something that his parents proclaimed as wrong, lead him to self-teach himself guitar. It was better than staring at the walls, and it was one of the few things he was actually proud of - especially when there was an outstanding amount more things that he wasn’t proud of. With a shake of his head, he got back onto the floor, crossing his legs, then strumming a few chords. He hummed quietly as he tried to find his tune, then nodded his head. “That’s good. Right there,” he strummed slowly and continued humming along, before he stopped to look at Taylor in silence. She was so beautiful. He could live in this moment forever, with her staring at him with eyes full of love, him doing the same, and the loud rain filling up the room. It was perfect. “Can I sing you a song…?” He asked quietly.
Taylor took her time just observing him as he fiddled with the string. It had been so long since she had seen a guitar in his hands. It had once been like an extended limb with how often he was strumming away. But ever since he fell into a bit of a slump, she noticed how less frequently he began reaching for the instrument. She would be lying if she said it didn't make her happy to see. It was a good sign that maybe, just maybe he was crawling himself out of the darkness and back into the Brendon that she knew and loved. She couldn't hide the growing smile on her face as she sat back and observed. The moment he mentioned a song, her eyes lit up and she eagerly propped up to listen. "Of course you can. I'd love nothing more than for you to sing for me."
Instead of responding with words, Brendon gave Taylor a soft smile, then slowly began to strum his fingers against the chords. He was just getting used to the feeling of having a guitar in his hands again, but it was muscle memory. Once he found the right position, he began strumming a random melody from an old Elvis Presley song. He didn't sing it, but instead, just hummed along with the melody in an effort to get his voice warmed up. He hadn't done any real singing for about as long as he hadn't played any music, just some hums and some mumbles here and there of some of his favorite classics. Never his own music anymore, he had felt some sort of disconnect with many of his lyrics since falling into this dark place. Now, the pattern would be broken as he began strumming a melody that he hadn't played or even thought about in well over a decade. The song itself brought on too much pain, but right now, in this moment - he knew he could play it for Taylor and feel for her the way he did for someone else when it was first written. Even more so now, that she had stuck with him through all of his many ups and downs and never once gave up on him.
Brendon carefully strummed the intro chords to Northern Downpour while he looked between the guitar and up at Taylor, smiling at her before he began singing softly. "If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing green then we should feed our jewelry to the sea..."
Her heart was doing funny little flips in the pit of her chest, just from seeing her boyfriend come back to life through the power of music. She instantly recognized the tune of the Elvis classic and couldn't help but hum along in encouragement. However as he continued his strumming of random chords, she instantly began to recognize a classic song from an older Panic! album. She knew it was a song that meant a lot to him, as well as the many teary-eyed fans in the audience of shows past. Add that on with the fact that he had been in some kind of musical drought. The fact that he chose this of all songs to play for her was a huge deal. She could already feel a few tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. She willed them not to fall just yet so she could hear his angelic voice sing for the first time in months. As he went on, she could feel one single tear that broke the barricade and cascaded down her cheeks.
Seeing the tears well up in Taylor's eyes made a rush of emotions run through Brendon's body. She was so beautiful, even when she was crying. He knew her past as well as she knew his - and he had known that there were many, many tears in hers. Over friends, past relationships, and everything in between, the woman had been through a lot. The happy tears that were freely flowing from her eyes now put a smile on her face - not because he was a sadist, but because he loved to see her happy and for the entire time they had been together, he still couldn't believe that he was the one that got to love her and make her this happy.
"...look back at both feet and that winding knee. I missed your skin when you were east, you clicked your heels and wished for me," he looked up at Taylor with the bright glimmer of love in his eyes. Taylor was the sun reincarnate, radiating light and love and beauty, it made him emotional now as he continued with the song and moved her head away from her to hide his glossy eyes. "I know the world's a brok-" his voice cracked as a tear fell, then he paused for a few seconds, shook his head, then continued, "I know the world's a broken bone... but melt your headaches, call it home..."
There were many songs he had played for her in the past, yet none of them hit home for her the way this one was now. Perhaps because it had always been a special song for him, but Taylor could feel every ounce of love and passion that flowed through the guitar chords and out of his lips. Her heart caught in her chest as her gaze lovingly locked with his. It was a rare occurance for Brendon to break down into tears in front of her, especially while in the middle of singing. Her heartstrings tore at the cracking sound in his voice, a signal that his emotions were askew. As he continued on, she scooted down onto the floor where he was. Her hand wandered gently to his leg to give it a reassuring squeeze that she was right there with him.
Feeling Taylor's hand on his leg was all the reassurance that Brendon needed. He had been so nervous since the beginning of the song, but he felt so confident singing it to her now. Many years had gone by that he hadn't sung this song, or even played any bit of the chords even just as a warm up for another song. The song had felt so distant and separated from him. It reminded him of a different time, one where he didn't realize how sad he was in the situation that he was in. Except now, it was different. There was no sadness associated with this song. No lingering feeling of something unfinished or unanswered questions. Brendon was right where he needed to be - he was genuinely happy now, and with the one person he believed to be his true soulmate. Nothing but love for Taylor poured out from him and into his fingers that strum along his guitar strings and spilled out every ounce of good that he felt for her.
"Sugarcane in the easy mornin', weathervanes my one and lonely..." he continued through with the rest of the final chorus, never once stopping even as his voice cracked one more time in the middle of it all. "Hey moon, please forget to fall down. He moon, don't you go down. (I'll never let go,)" the last bit was a finishing touch, one that he would always add to their live performances while looking at the crowd, but singing to the person who had his heart at the time. Now, he looked directly at Taylor's blue eyes as he sang that line, then continued on with finishing the song. "You are at the top of my lungs, drawn to the ones who never yawn..."
Taylor's thumbs traced small circles against the fabric of his jeans as she kept her hand resting on his leg as a sign of support. Not only was this a special moment because it was the first time he had picked up a guitar in months, but it was also special because of the song he chose to sing for her. She was positive it was a song that he blacklisted from live performances for personal reasons, which she understood. As a songwriter, she knew firsthand the type of emotions that came through when pouring your heart out through music. It was a vulnerable state, especially when it came to those certain songs that knew how to tug at your heartstrings and break the waterworks. She felt a similar way when it came to her own song, All Too Well. Back when she first recorded it and went on tour with it, it was the one song that caused her to break down every single night. When it came the time to rerecord it again, as well as the extended 10-minute version, the song had completely changed for her. That old twin flame that bruised her and made her blue had long burnt out. She was now 100% certain she had found her soulmate in the beautiful man with the angelic voice right in front of her. Looking back into Brendon's eyes as he added his finishing touch to the song, she softly whispered, "I love you." The moment he was finished, Taylor scooted herself into his lap, wrapped her arms around him, and softly but tenderly kissed his lips.
Something about being wrapped up in Taylor's arms officially made all of Brendon's walls come crashing down. Showing that much emotion at once and being that vulnerable didn't come easy to him - he was so used to keeping most of his feelings trapped up until they killed him from the inside and all the way out. Over the years his struggles with opening up about the way he felt lead to him to some bad habits - habits that him so close to death in the past, and although he wasn't fully cured from all of his demons - he was feeling much better about his life than he ever had before. Right now, he dug his head into the crook of of Taylor's neck and cried - without anything holding him back or keeping him from showing his true emotions. He was letting everything out now: trauma from the past decade of his life, the bad times, the good times, his undying love for her, and everything in between. They weren't sad tears, nor were they happy tears, but they were a mix of tears that were backed up from the sad and the happy moments he'd experienced in his life. Ever since meeting Taylor, most of them were happy, and many of the sad ones came from mistakes he had done. Now, he was changed. He was happy and he was fully in love with the woman in his lap. With a deep breath, he pulled himself together and finally pulled his head back and looked up at her with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "I love you too," he spoke lowly, then gave her a soft kiss in return.
She held onto him tightly, her fingers tangling into his hair as she soothingly stroked her fingers through it. He had gone through so much throughout his life, more than Taylor even knew about herself. She knew how hard it was for him to put himself in that vulnerable state and open up. So the fact that he was so openly sharing these emotions with her was something special between them. Her lips brushed the top of his head, planting a few reassuring kisses to let him know she was here for him and that she loved him. It was hard to keep the tears in her own eyes from overflowing further, that when they pulled away to look at each other, her eyes were just as puffy and swollen as Brendon's. Her thumb swept across his cheekbone to push aside a lingering tear. "I've never loved anyone the way that I love you." Sure, she had experienced love in the past. Yet those feelings of love she once felt for her exes, didn't even compare to the feelings that Brendon gave her. It was a burning, passionate type of love. But it also offered support, allowed vulnerability, and was founded on trust. He was her best friend, her creative muse, and her soulmate.
The words went from his ears, into his heart, then deep in his soul where he felt them the most. Brendon wasn’t used to feeling this type of way; that was, up until he met Taylor. Once he met Taylor and had the opportunity to love her, he knew what unconditional love meant and felt like. After all his mistakes, she still loved him as he was and had a home for him in her arms and in her heart. It was where he wanted to be forever and ever, for the rest of his life. All his big moments, he wanted to celebrate them and share them with her. There was no one else he could ever imagine taking on the world together, and he knew it was her from the very beginning. Brendon remained quiet now after she spoke - he was speechless.
There was nothing that could be said in that moment as he was just at a loss of words. Instead, he stared at Taylor’s beauty directly in front of him and took in everything about her. The piercing blue eyes that he dreamed about that at some point made him realize that he’d never dreamed in color until he met her. The honey locks that always fell so perfectly, even when she was fresh out of bed. The feeling of her soft and silky smooth skin that always kept him so warm at night. He was cold before he met her, but she had warmed him up to a bunch of new things and a bunch of feelings he didn’t think he would ever feel again. The sound of her laugh that sounded so melodic and perfect, it would occasionally replay in his mind whenever he needed it. There wasn’t a part of her that Brendon wasn’t in love with, and he swore that he’d be in love with it for the rest of his life.
“Marry me,” he said after some moments of silence while he looked her directly in the eyes. His hand moved up to her face where he gently placed it and held her cheek, while he gently brushed his thumb over her lips. “Make me the happiest man in the world and marry me. I don’t have a ring, I don’t have anything at all that I can give you right now, except all my love for you. Love that has been growing for you from the very first day that I laid eyes on you. Even when I didn’t know it, I loved you. Even when I tried to deny it, I loved you. You’re all I’ve ever loved for all these years.”
Though the silence lingered in the air, it wasn't the awkward type. Instead, Taylor could feel all the love he felt for her just from locking onto his loving gaze. The way he held onto her so protectively. She felt at home with him and so safe in his arms. Even though he would argue the statement, he was perfect in her eyes. No matter how many times life dealt him a bad hand, he did his best to turn it around. She knew how hard he tried to be better for her. Since the start of their relationship, many people had commented how they too saw a change for the better in him. Little did they know all the ways that he had changed her life for the better as well. After all that she had been through, it was particularly hard for Taylor to find someone she could trust. Past friends and lovers had stabbed her in the back many times in the past, always leaving her to bleed out on her own and reap the consequences. Brendon was someone Taylor felt at home with and knew she could trust from the very beginning. He never forced her to do anything she didn't want to do, but instead encouraged her to go for the things she didn't have the confidence to do without his support. Taylor's mouth dropped open as his words took her by surprise. She was partially convinced she slipped into some sort of perfect daydream that she desperately didn't want to snap out of. She melted into his touch as her eyes stayed lovingly locked on him expressing his love. It took a moment for her lips to coherently form any words. "Yes. Of course, I'll marry you." Her hands grasped both of his cheeks as she pulled him in for a kiss. "I've loved you for so long before we actually said those words to one another. And since then that love has only grown deeper and stronger and will continue to do so. I'd marry you with paper rings, my love."
Yes. That was all Brendon heard Taylor say. He could hear her saying more, but the only thing that he needed to hear was that yes. As soon as he heard it, he felt his heart swell up in his chest and once again, tears welled up in his eyes. Ever since his first failed marriage, Brendon was convinced that it just wasn't for him. He was destined to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, but then Taylor made her way into his life everything had changed. All his thoughts of monogamy, marriage, and everything in between had broken into tiny little pieces when he met her. Now all he wanted was more time with her, more time to be in her presence, more time to love her until his dying day, and even then he would love her from the grave. "Really?" Brendon asked with a quiet laugh while another tear fell from his eyes. "Fuck. Fuck, I can't believe this," he reached up to wipe at his tears, then gave her a pat on her hip and helped her off his lap. Quickly, he stood up and went over to the guitar with the broken string and pulled it off from the instrument. He wrapped it over and over again into a perfect circle, then went back over and sat down opposite of her. Of course, he would eventually get an actual engagement ring for her - it's what she deserved, but for now, this would be the perfect placeholder as music was the first main things that connected them together. Finally, he tied off the ends of it to keep the ring in shape, then held out his hand for hers so he could officially put it on her ring finger.
Tears were cascading down Taylor's cheeks from the overwhelming amount of happiness that burned inside of her. Of course she had thought about what it would be like to marry Brendon, but it was something that she thought they were years away from. She knew he had been married once before and she never wanted to pressure or rush him into walking down the aisle again. However hearing the words fall from his lips out everything into perspective for her. They were deeply in love and already planned to spend the rest of eternity together. They might as well make things official by taking the next step of marriage. Marriage. It would take her a while to wrap her mind around the fact that she was engaged to be married to Brendon. Her mind flashed with images of wedding dresses, bright bouquets of flowers, and the image of walking down the aisle towards Brendon. Taylor kept her curious gaze attached to him, wondering what he was doing as he fiddled with the broken guitar string. As he twisted it into a perfect circle, it all clicked. He was crafting his very own engagement ring to give her. Tears flooded her eyes as she watched him. The biggest diamond or the fanciest ring in the world couldn't compare to the value of this ring that he was placing on her finger. It was a pure symbol of their love, which started through their music. She gazed down at the perfect guitar string ring that decorated her finger. "We're engaged!" she exclaimed before pulling him in for a celebratory kiss.
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