why is everything constantly overwhelming
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@xspookyfox
why is everything constantly overwhelming

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âI broke my own heart trying to be enough.â

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Things no one tells you about when youâve been mentally ill for years and it wonât get better
â everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (youâre a lucky mf if you still have someone )
â your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient
â you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesnât matter if youâre doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.
â desensitization to your pain. This one isnât their fault, itâs human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesnât matter if itâs the millionth time. It demands to be felt.
â people move on. But you canât. You see people cope and get over things while you simply canât. And itâs so much worse if youâve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.
â you slowly realize this world isnât made for mentally ill people in any way
â youâre tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you arenât capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. Youâre nothing but a shell. A body.

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Itâs so fucking exhausting fighting your brain every day dude
Iâm jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They donât have anxiety holding them back from everything, they donât struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They donât struggle to hold friendships and relationships⌠they donât feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all.Â

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Havent felt this Suicidal in a really long time.. I'm just trying my best not to self harm but I feel like just giving up.. i try and i try and i try and it's not good enough for me or the people i love so what the hell is the point anymore.