xScaldCrowx

As a subby, bottomy type, you don’t actually have to script out every little action that your Dom takes. But you do need to develop a sense of your own sexual tastes, what you enjoy and what squicks you out and which activities your body takes the most kindly to.

Do you need warming up before you can be penetrated?

What positions are easiest on your neck, your throat, your hips, your lower back?

Do you love providing sexual service, or is it performing chores that really gets you going?

How do you like being spoken to while you are in subby mode, or do you not want to be addressed at all?

Understanding what you like and how your body responds isn’t the same thing as topping from the bottom, it’s just being a remotely present partner, and your Doms will appreciate you for giving them some vision to work with. You can, if you like, create a ‘user manual’ for the people you want to use you.

If you are inexperienced, the best way to start is by looking at tons of porn — videos, animated gifs, erotic stories, fan art, jerk-off-instruction audios, OnlyFans content, whatever. Simply observe what gets you going, and the activities you might like to try, and save your favorites in a dedicated folder you can share with your Dom.

Pay attention, also, to the content of your masturbatory fantasies. When you think about someone “doing whatever they want” to you, what is it that they actually do? I guarantee there’s recurring themes.

Are you getting fucked in the pussy or the ass?

In the mouth?

Are you alone in a home, or getting gang-banged by a crowd at a party?

Are you being kidnapped into forced sexual service, or is your Dom a God that you are eager to serve?

Think also about how you would like being sexually “passive” to make you feel:

Do you like feeling appreciated? Empty? Dumb? Insatiable? Ignored?

In your fantasies, is the Dom cruel, care-taking, indifferent, or something else?

Do you want to walk away from the sex feeling used? Blank? Accomplished? Exhausted? Grateful?

Do you imagine yourself enjoying the sex/scene as it happens? Or do you want it to be overwhelming/painful/confusing/difficult to process?

Do you want to fight back and be conquered, or do you like being docile and obedient?

Write down some of the feelings that resonate with you, so that your future Dom knows how to play their role, and what to expect from you. This is actually a crucial part of determining sexual compatibility!

Be Direct

Once you have a good sense of what gets you going, put that language all over your hookup and dating-app profiles.

Being open & unabashed about your interests will really make your profile stand out, as most hookup app users make the mistake of being overly generic and tame in the hopes of appealing to the maximum number of people.

I speak from experience: you do not want to do that! You’ll only waste your time pretending to be something you’re not, with somebody who has no idea how to show up as themselves either! You do not have infinite messaging time! Narrow your attention down to the people who will be a good fit.

In your bios, you want to be so singularly yourself that incompatible people will see themselves out. The more information you provide about who you are and the vibe you want, the more prepared Doms will feel approaching you. You’ll also scare off the opportunists and would-be abusers who treat kink as an inroad to an easy lay.

Here are some actual bios I’ve used:

Submissive trans guy seeks Dominant type for power-dynamic-fueled sex and play. Into bondage, being given commands, training, restraints, blindfolds, gags, chains, collars, handcuffs, and more. No vanilla, sorry. Highly submissive, seeking Dominants only. I like being told what to do and used for another person’s satisfaction. No pleasure tops, no cunnilingus; I want the focus to be on being good and obedient for you. Big fan of being praised and snuggled with. In the past few years, I’ve mostly stuck to casual BDSM encounters on apps like Grindr. Now I’m searching for a more intense emotional connection with the possibility of long-term commitment. I am non-monogamous but not polyamorous, and pretty much exclusively submissive.

Don’t be afraid to be selfish and specific. You should have some skills and exciting interests to offer to a partner, yes, but remember that your submission is part of the gift! Good Dominants will want to understand what gets you relaxed into a more submissive headspace, where the boundaries of the fantasy are for you, and how they can play around inside it.

but that's okay, I can't stay mad to you for too long, I love you so much you know that, so so very much, we all make mistakes, I know you're sorry now and I can forgive you, I know a way to forgive you, it's okay sweetheart, don't cry, I'm only doing what I have to, it's going to bleed, we all bleed our first time, there's always a little pain before it starts feeling better, you can even watch if you'd like, I had someone sharpen my knife just for this, look at how easy that slides into you, like butter huh, don't scream you're okay I promise, plus it's going to hurt a lot more once I twist the knife to make the hole a little bigger, yeah yeah i know that's a lot worse, you're doing so well, so good for me, so so good for me, I'm just taking what's mine, I realized now you didn't know it was mine, we're just making things even

Yes, His Grace, Duke Douglas of Sealand is even older now. As each year passes, I am more sorry about starting this tradition of posting a semi-tasteful photo.

Harrow The Ninth -mock dust cover

With the river in blue and with blood variations. I wanted to have some crossover from my gtn cover, making things partially destroyed , like the side flaps. As well as having the sword in the same position, Gideons presence is still there! Even if she, herself, is not 🥲

Next up will be Nona's cover!

And more closeups under the cut

From my gender/sex variance studies

Erecting Sex: Hermaphrodites and the Medieval Science of Surgery

Mary or Michael? Saint-Switching, Gender, and Sanctity in a Medieval Miracle of Childbirth

The Image of the Androgyne: Some Uses of a Symbol in Earliest Christianity

Transvestites in the Middle Ages

Two Cases Of Female Cross-Undressing In Medieval Art And Literature

Concerning Sex Changes: The Cultural Significance of a Renaissance Medical Polemic

Relating to disability

Sitting on the Sidelines: Disability in Malory

A Dwarf in King Arthur's Court: Perceiving Disability in Arthurian Romance

Disability and Dreams in the Medieval Icelandic Sagas

The Disabled and the Monstrous: Examples from Medieval Spain

Relating to sexuality

Sexual Fluidity “Before Sex"

The Disclosure of Sodomy in Cleanness

"Be more strange and bold": Kissing Lepers and Female Same-Sex Desire in "The Book of Margery Kempe

I will continue to update this list of sources as I find pertinent articles!

I'm back with my knight-monk dynamic agenda, but this time I'm here to sell you on (checks notes) the stigmata and the intimacy of uhhh wounds. with knights. also the delightful gender fuckery of franciscan monks.

Habitual Gender: Rhetorical Androgyny in Franciscan Texts, Christina Cedillo

Wounded Masculinity: Injury and Gender in Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte DArthur, Kenneth Hodges

and finally, penetration. stigmata. same thing.

Dark Age Bodies: Gender and Monastic Practice in the Early Medieval West, Lynda L. Coon

something* about monks and knights, if you catch my drift

*the potential of this dynamic specifically is off the fucking charts. the repression. the eroticism. the devotion. the transgression OF the devotion. did I mention the eroticism yet

The Manly Priest: Clerical Celibacy, Masculinity, and Reform in England and Normandy, 1066-1300, Jennifer D. Thibodeaux

Homosexuality in the Renaissance: Behavior, Identity, and Artistic Expression, James M. Saslow

Knighthood, Compulsory Heterosexuality, and Sodomy, Ruth Mazo Karras

the witch gives advice as to sir tristram’s wound, walter crane / sir lancelot firbids sir bors to slay the king, walter crane / how sir turquine bare sir ector clean out of his saddle, alfred kappes / nc wyeth’s illustrations from the boy’s king arthur

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