The Lost Traveler

And with that I’m out!

“What do you mean that wasn’t eye liner?” His features pale, figure moving quick to find the closest mirror to check his visuals. “It looks like eye liner to me-” Then all kinds of horror scenarios cloud his mind, eyes finding hers through the mirror with a mortified look. “Don’t tell me it was a permanent marker or some shit-? I don’t wanna turn blind!”

“Look, if I broke your friend’s heart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m a douche, she’s better off without me anyway. Tell her I’m not worth it and all that clichéed jazz, okay? I really hate to be insensitive here but my manager will chop my head off if I don’t get going now. See ya!”

Vision blurry, shoes stopping just before him let him attempt to look up, a silly grin appearing on his lips as he thinks to see the person he had been meaning to see. “Rachie- Rach~” Drunk as he is, he raises his bottle only to lose the support his arm had given him and almost tip over to the side. “whopsie~”

“How can you even ask that?” He pretends to be offended, as if his love being questioned in itself is already an insult. “Do you not trust your good old cousin?”

“As long as I can do what I want, I’ll be happy. I don’t need titles but I don’t exactly think that something like a “perfect partner” exists. You either make it work or you don’t. Besides- I’ve had to learn how to do image checks my whole life. How stupid do you think I am to let myself be caught?”

“Regrets meant I actually thought back to the past and reconsidered what I did. No man, I don’t do that and I don’t do regrets. If I fuck up, I apologize. Either they take it or not. Nothing I can change about it and life’s too short to be wasting time on that.”

“’Course it hurt. Still fucking hurts, what do you expect me to do about it?” The questions didn’t make sense to him. They were all rethorical questions, questions to which he knew the answer because she had told him so. “I’m not good enough. Simple as that. What’s there to wonder about? She said so. I don’t have a reason to not believe her. I don’t know why I’m not good enough, I don’t know why her parents hate me... I can’t change it. How am I supposed to work on me when I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? It’s always been like that- people telling me I wasn’t smart enough, handsome enough, tall enough- I’m lacking this, that and everything in between.” He’s come to terms with it as long as Jackson himself is content, he’ll continue down his path and accept the bitter truth that no one would ever be staying with him. In the end they all left. He used to be the one to leave before others could, maturing up meant placing hope in lost matters but at least he wasn’t hurting anyone anymore. “I don’t know what I do wrong, I’m content with myself. I just accepted that I’m not a guy to keep around. I’m more like a flashy toy that is fun to play with for a while before it gets boring. It’s cool. As for Jae? He’s a good kid. As long as he wants me around I’ll stay. I’m pretty sure it’s only a matter of time until he’ll leave too though.”

“Walk around shirtless all the time. Do you know how hard it is to find fitting shirts that don’t sit too tight around my arms? Fuck shirts man. Who needs them anyway.”