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summary: You're just drinking to call Steve. Luckily he's prepared for your drunk antics.
word count: 1670
warnings: reader is drunk
note: i'm working so hard on Eternity book 2, which is why I've been a little MIA. I just want it to be perfect for you all, but in the mean time here's a little Steve to keep us sated :)
masterlist
"Steeeeeeve!"
Steve had been waiting for the call. Even though you told him that Eddie would be the DD, and you were going to be staying at Nancy's apartment, he had the tv on low volume just in case, so he bounced up when the call came at 1:48 AM.
"Are you alright?" He asks first, because you sound absolutely plastered. You have been known to find a phone to drunk call him, because apparently any kind of alcohol can't erase his number from your mind.
"Amazing!" You yell, even though he knows you're outside. He hopes you're at the payphone right out the door of the bar. His heart clenches a bit. He should have just gone with you, but you said it was girls night (Eddie was only invited because he's single apparently, which Steve thinks is stupid). "How's it call?" You slur, and Steve blinks.
The first time you drunk called him from outside the bar downtown, Steve almost crashed his car in effort to get to you. He had been so worried, but you had just snuck out to call him because you missed him. It was rare that the two of you weren't out together, but you, Robin, and Nancy had girls nights as often as you could to get away from the stress of adulthood. Now, though, this was a common occurrence if he ever wasn't in the same place you were, and he knew to wait for it.
"What?" Steve asks, stretching the cord of the phone to reach for his shoes. He knows he's going to pick you up.
"Y/N, what did he say? It's cold out here!" Robin complains in the background, and Steve is thankful that you're not alone in the middle of the night.
"Oh!" You laugh, right into the receiver, and it warms Steve's heart. "I - Stevie can you picks us up?" You're slurring so hard Steve can practically see you leaning on the side of the payphone. He checks the clock, hoping you have enough change to continue the call if you can't get to the point.
"Yes. Are you still at The Crown?" There were only two bars in town, and if you had made your way to Carousel then Steve may have a minor heart attack.
"Uh," You pause, clearly looking around. "Where are we?" This is not said into the receiver, and Steve can hear talking.
"The bar!" Nancy yells, and Steve's eyebrows raise.
"Right! The bar." You say, and Steve takes a deep breath.
"Where's Eddie?" He asks, and this stumps you.
"Uh, I haven't seen him. Where's Eddie?" You ask, and Steve is just glad the girls are all together. If someone is MIA, at least it's Eddie, who can handle himself.
"He left?" Robin isn't answering, and Steve honestly just needs to know where to pick you up. He can figure out Eddie tomorrow.
"Have you left the bar that you started at?" Steve asks, because he knows names are a lost cause.
"We had to come outside to get a payphone. Because Steve I love you. Can you come see me? Please?" You ask, and Steve sighs, gearing up for a long night. This quite possibly could be the most drunk you've ever been.
"I'm on my way. I love you too." He says, and he can hear your cheers before the line goes dead.
~
He sees you before he even puts the car in park, and he's sure that he's going to be the DD from now until forever. Possibly even the chaperone.
You're singing into the payphone, standing on top of the small counter between partitions while Robin claps and Nancy sits against the wall, eyes closed. Steve watches your heel catch a stray piece of paper, but the hand not holding the phone grips a partition, and he can practically see you bursting your head open.
"Jesus Christ." He doesn't even lock the car, going directly over to you. The bouncer at the door throws a grateful look toward him, and he gives a small wave.
"Steve!" You scream, interrupting your own rendition of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun where you've been slurring the same words for three minutes straight. Nancy's eyes widen, thankful to have a ride home finally.
"Come on, sweetheart, let's get down." He grabs your waist with one arm and the phone with the other, helping you down. You're not steady on your feet at all, and Steve has no idea how you didn't fall on your face and break something before he got here.
"Steve, can we sleep over at your place? It is girls night." Robin begs, and Steve has to close his eyes as you press yourself against him, arms warping around him.
"Sure. Let's get into the car." Steve makes sure you can stand before heading over to Nancy. "Let's go, Nance." He puts his hands out to pull her up, and she stumbles and yawns.
"We have the She's So Unusual album at home, right Steve?" You ask, and Nancy's head pops up. Steve opens the passenger door and you fall into the seat, your tube top slipping. Steve grabs ahold of the top and yanks it up, wanting to roll his eyes at the fact that you wore it but not wanting you to take it the wrong way.
"Let's get home first." He answers, helping Robin and Nancy stumble into the backseat before getting into the drivers spot. By the time he's shifted gears, you're putting your special mixed tape in, the one you made when you two would be on your way to parties.
"Sing it, Steve!" You shove your lipstick tube, the new microphone, in his face, as Take On Me plays far too loud for two AM. He sings a little bit, but it's nothing compared to you, Robin, and Nancy, who go crazy when Material Girl comes on. You kick your way to the backseat, almost smacking Steve in the face, and he's thankful this town is so small and it doesn't take too long to get home.
Everything is fine until Footloose comes on, and of course Steve is a stoplight. Without even saying anything, the three of you are out of the car, and Steve's eyes widen.
"What the fuck?" He cries out, thankful no one is on the road as the light goes green and he puts the car in park, jumping out to see the three of you sloppily doing the Footloose dance.
"Stevie!" You reach your hands out, but your balance is far off and you very nearly fall on your face before Steve grabs your arms.
"Get in the car!" He yells, not rudely but in an exhausted way. He's glad you're having fun, but you could do it in the car. He practically throws you in, and you're laughing as you lay in the backseat.
"Steve, can we please stop at Benny's? I need fries." Nancy begs as she collapses on top of you, Robin claiming the front seat. Steve gets back in the car and shifts gears, taking a deep breath.
"Benny died years ago, Nance." Steve reminds her, and Nancy frowns.
"What!" You scream from the back, sitting up. The song changes to Like a Virgin, and Steve hopes that you'll be home by the time this song is over.
"You knew that, babe." Steve tells you, and you dissolve into laughter.
"I did know that." You take a deep breath, looking out the window. "Poor Benny."
When your group finally makes it home, Steve can't put the car in park fast enough. He twists the key, and Robin is already stumbling to the front door. Nancy opens her door, and Steve turns to see you basically asleep with your face pressed against the glass. He sighs with a small smile, then goes to the back to help you out. He carries you through the house to your room, thankful he had just put fresh sheets on the guest bed so Robin and Nancy could stay in there.
The life of the party is draining, the singing from earlier gone. Robin and Nancy are zombies as they flop to the bed, so Steve puts you in bed and wipes your face before checking on them. He places a cup of water at each side of the bed, and he hopes you guys all tried to at least drink water with each shot. He grabs another water to take to you, and then changes his clothes before grabbing your pajamas.
"Steve?" You whisper, because it seems all your energy has been drained.
"How are you feeling, babe?" Steve asks, wiping your hair out of your face. "Do you wanna change?"
"Do you me still love?" Your voice cracks, like you're gonna cry, and Steve actually has to drop his head so you don't see his smile. You're known for jumbling your words while drunk, and Steve loves it.
"Of course I still love you. I came to get you, didn't I?" He kisses your lips, which taste like sickly sweet cherries and bubbles.
"Yeah." You sniffle, arms going around him to pull him onto you where you lay. You sigh, and Steve knows you're not going to want to wake up in your tube top and day old underwear.
"Let's get you in your pjs." Steve pulls himself away, kissing your pout before stripping you to put more comfortable items on. You let him, curling right back into the blankets and immediately falling asleep when Steve's done. He smiles, then looks at the time. It's 2:24, and he has work tomorrow. But as he sets his alarm to make you breakfast before he leaves, he knows he wouldn't trade this for the world. You trust him, and that's something he cherishes.
"I love you." You whisper, just as Steve settles in, thinking you're asleep.
"I love you more." He says, knowing you're too tired to fight. He goes to sleep with a smile on his face.Â
//
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187  @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @gloryekaterina  @oblivion-void @alexshaff2002 @m-rae23 @icequeen1371 @mcueveryday  @parkershoco @peculiarwren  @multifandom-boss-bitch @mads-weasley @johnricharddeacy @sweetdreamsshifter @param8re @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @wish-upon-a-star-1310Â
summary: You and Stiles agree to be holidates so your friends and family get off your back. You did not agree to catch feelings. (Based LOOSLEY off the netflix movie)
word count: 12k (get some tea and snacks for this one)
warnings: mentions of sex, mentions of throwing up but no describing it, drinking (werewolves can get drunk bc it's funny), indulging in some recreational drugs (weed)
main masterlist
"Why does your dad care so much?" Scott pours the leftover eggnog (spiked, of course) into two tall glasses, and then walks into the living room.
"I have no idea. Maybe because he's getting older, and we lost my mom so suddenly. And he's worried that he'll never see me happy, even though I am perfectly happy on my own." Stiles shrugs, as if it's no big deal. Scott gives a look, because they both know he's lying. If he could find someone tomorrow who was meant to be, he would.
"Can you really blame him?" Scott tries, and Stiles takes a long gulp of eggnog as he sits on the ground.
"It's not just him, Scott." They had put up some decorations in their shared apartment, and now they had to take them down unfortunately. It was the worst part of the end of the year. "It's our friends too. Everyone is together. And because of this you all want me to have a date."
"Maybe we're just looking out for you." Scott tries, but he knows recently with their friends it's gotten a bit out of hand. Especially after Hayden and Liam got engaged at their Christmas party three days ago.
"No, you don't understand, Scott. If I show up to my dad's without someone on my arm, I think he's going to make me an online dating profile." Stiles tilts his head, thinking about the extremes his dad may go to this year. "Or maybe even set me up with a younger officer, and he has no idea-"
"Stiles," Scott drags a hand through his hair, because Stiles has been going off about his relationship, or lack thereof, for the last twenty minutes. And also the last month. "If you don't want your dad meddling in your life, then why don't you just get one of our friends to do it?" It's silent in the living room as they both think.
"Do what?" Stiles asks, and Scott scoffs.Â
"Date you." He says as if it's obvious.
"Like who?" Stiles asks, rolling his eyes. And then, at the same time, both Scott and Stiles widen their eyes, then look at each other with wide eyes because they know exactly who fits the bill.
You are sitting in your parents living room, the day after Christmas, watching everyone cuddle up to each other in their new pajamas. And then there's you, sitting on the ground, watching your siblings' kids run around like crazies. Your single aunt even brought a date, and maybe that's the worst part, because you slept on the couch so everyone else could sleep in your old room.
All because you don't have a date to bring home.
And that's all anyone can talk about. Where's this guy? Weren't you dating him? He was so nice, how did you let him go? They don't care that Noah had cheated on you, in your own apartment. They all just care about your dying ovaries, apparently, the clock ticking on your uterus that makes you want to scream.
So when Stiles calls, you will take any excuse to stand out on the porch, alone, even if it's freezing and there's a couple inches of snow piled up on the road.
"Everything okay?" You ask, because if Stiles is calling you and not one of the girls something must be wrong. You know Stiles, but you don't talk to him on a regular schedule.
"Nothing! It's all good." He says with a chuckle, and you frown. "I'm calling because, uh, I have a proposition for you." He starts, and you furrow your brow as you stare into the glaring white snow.
"Okay," You draw out, because you have no idea where this is going. Despite the fact that you and Stiles are the only two humans in your friend group, you never really hang out that much. At group events you talk, but you don't know much about Stiles, and you're sure he doesn't know that much either.
"It's okay to say no, but I think this could be mutually beneficial. I mean, if we do it right, no one else even has to know." You don't understand his rambling, but it's a little endearing.
"What's the point of this, Stiles?" You ask, but you're smiling now. You can hear him take a deep breath, then continue.
"Scott told me about this idea. A holidate. We pretend we're dating, but only on the holidays." It's silent as you take in this information and Stiles waits for you to answer.
"AÂ holidate?" You repeat, starting to shiver as you stand in the cold.
"Yeah. We just agree to go out, like for New Years, and that way we don't have to be alone." He explains, and you nod. It's not a bad idea honestly. You turn back towards the door, hearing the sounds of laughing from all of your coupled up family members.
"I'm in." Anything, literally anything, to get your family off your back. If you tell them you had a New Years kiss, an actual one and not a drunken one, maybe they'll shut up for once.
"You're in - that's great! Just like that, wow." Stiles lets out a breath over the speaker, and you wonder if he had been going through what you did when he called.
"Yeah, this Christmas, it's my last straw." You sigh, dopamine finally filling your head when you realize you can finally tell your family to stop setting you up with every barista they come into contact with. "The amount of voicemails I've had to delete from my aunts giving out my number to anyone they see." You shudder at the thought, but it could also be the cold. You'd rather talk out here with Stiles then go back inside and endure the pain of listening to your nieces and nephews asking why you didn't bring anyone home.
"Well, at least your dad isn't one step away from making you a dating profile." Stiles tells you, and you let out a small laugh at this.
"If my dad knew how to use the internet, I guarantee he would try." You tell him, but your teeth start chattering.
"You good?" He asks, and you nod, even though he can't hear you.
"Yeah, I'm just outside." You hear another roar of laughter, and you cast one final glance back at the door. "I should probably get back in before they decide to insert themselves into my life even more." You chatter out, and Stiles scoffs.
"Or before you come a popsicle." You roll your eyes as he jokes, and he laughs a little bit.
"Goodbye." You say, and hang up. You take a deep breath, staring at the door, before walking back in.
"Who was that you were talking to?" Your mom asks as soon as you get back in, and you sigh.w`sx
"Oh! I bet it was her lover!" Your aunt calls, one eye already closed from how much she's drank. At three pm.
"God help me." You sigh, looking over at Baby Jesus in the nativity set up in the corner. But he's not actually here, you're on your own. "I have a date for New Years." You announce, and the room erupts into chaos.
New Years
On New Years, there's always a huge party they throw at Derek's loft, which is just collecting dust when it isn't being used for parties. And while you always attend, this is the first time you're attending with someone. You're wearing a nice black dress, and he's wearing a suit that you have never seen him in before.
"You clean up nice." You say, taking a sip of your drink as you watch everyone dance from the corner.
"What can I say. I had a date this time." He winks, and you roll your eyes.
"This is supposed to be stress free. Nothing matters because we're not actually dating." You tell him. You had worn a dress you would usually second guess - too tight or too much cleavage for the first date. But this didn't matter, because it was just Stiles. There was nothing else going on, and nothing else would happen.
"Trust me, this is the least stress I've felt in awhile." He answers, downing his entire drink. You watch the room, seeing a couple walk in that you don't recognize. She looks giddy, and he looks nervous.
"Ten bucks he's proposing tonight." You say, nodding toward them. Stiles smiles, shaking his head.
"No way am I taking that! I don't set myself up for failure." He goes to take another drink, but there's nothing left. "Wanna dance?" He asks, and you think about it. There's no commitment, no embarrassing moment if he decides you're a bad dancer, so what's the harm?"
"Sure." You put back the rest of your drink, making a face at the amount of alcohol, before following him out to the dance floor. You two goof off for a few songs, just having fun, before the tempo changes. It's a slow dance, and you both look at each other hesitantly as everyone else begins to pair up.
"Why not?" Stiles asks, taking your hand, and you figure he's right. What's the harm in slow dancing?
"This is kinda nice." You admit, because it is. It's nice to not think about what your family and friends are thinking, and it's nice to live in the moment.
"Only kinda? Man, I have to step up my game." Stiles shakes his head, and you smile. "So, I know we're in the same friend group, but we never talk. I have to ask, what happened to Noah?" Just the mention of his name sends an electric current up your spine that you freeze at. Noah had cheated on you months ago, but you still couldn't get over it.
"He cheated on me." You hadn't broadcast this to the group, mostly because you felt it was embarrassing. You weren't good enough for Noah to stay. And you had liked him, way more than you should. You had brought him around to movie nights a couple times, and he got along with everyone. "And I caught him. In my own apartment." Your throat closed as you said it, and Stiles scoffed.
"What a dick." Was all he had, and you nodded.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." You said as the music ended, slipping away from him. You needed a moment, needed some time to regroup.
As you walked in, the girl you had bet was getting engaged tonight was crying, her friends trying to comfort her as they pat her down with towels. Her white dress - a gorgeous, ruffly shoulder that followed all the way down - had been splashed with red wine.
"I can't get engaged in this!" She sobbed, and your heart broke for her. Her friends were panicked, like they had no idea how to help. "And it's always been my dream to be engaged on New Years!" The end of the sentence turned into a sob, and you frowned.
"You can have my dress." You spoke up, and the bathroom went dead silent.
"Really?" The girl whispered, meeting your eyes in the mirror she stood in front of.
"Yeah. We're about the same size. Let's just switch." You shrugged, smiling, and the girl started crying again.
"Thank you! I love you so much!" Your eyes widened as you realized she was probably drunk.
"Of course." You let her hug you before walking into a stall to change. "It's not like I'm getting engaged tonight."
When you walk out wearing the white dress, Stiles chokes on his drink. Not because he's in awe, but because he thinks the wine is blood.
Which says a lot about how fucked up your lives are.
But you smile, and his brows furrow, and then he looks over your shoulder at the woman you two saw earlier wearing your dress and smiling widely. He looks back at you, smirking.
"You couldn't help yourself?" He asks, and you shrug.
"You know me." You look down at the dress, and it's hard not to mourn the sexy black dress you had worn that hugged you everywhere you liked it to. But you could always get a new one, and that woman couldn't get a new engagement day.
"Yeah," Stiles nods, looking around. "I have to use the bathroom. I'll be back." He tells you, and you nod, seeing if anyone you recognize is near you. But just as you spot Scott and Kira, the DJ cuts the music.
"Alright everyone, time to find your lover, your new start, or maybe even someone you've never met." You feel your heart drop, because of course, you have a date and you're still alone, not kissing anyone on New Years.
"Happy New Years to me." You mutter, taking a drink from the bar beside you and downing it. Stiles comes back not too long after, looking awkward that he missed New Years, but you don't even want to talk about it.
Oh, and the girl wearing your dress got engaged. Happy fucking New Years
~
"So, I guess I'll see you at Valentines?" Stiles asks the next day. The pack stayed upstairs in Derek's loft, and now you were ready to go home and sleep off your small hangover before work.
"Valentines?" You scoff, because maybe you're still not over last night. It was fine, and sure it was fun for a little bit, but as you rung in the New Year you had never felt more alone. "That's like, two months from now."
"I thought we were holidates." Stiles replies quietly, because their friends are not supposed to know about this arrangement. They really only all hang out during holidays, so it's the perfect plan. There's too many people to casually hang out with when there isn't an event.
"What if I find a date before then?" You ask, because you hate the idea of still being genuinely alone for so long. Sure, you have someone at these social events, but what about when you go home? What about when you're feeling down?
Stiles has the nerve to laugh. Out loud.
"Oh, I'm sorry." He stops laughing, but he continues to chuckle. You roll your eyes and begin to walk out. "Just, call me if you don't." You can practically hear the smile in his voice.
"Thanks for the offer, Stilinski, but I'd rather choke on my own fingers." That shuts him right up, and you can't help but smile as you exit the building.
Valentines Day
"So you don't think you and Stiles are serious?" Hayden asks as you, her and Lydia all look at some save the date stock cards that are on sale only today.
"I don't know." You haven't specifically said anything to your friends about you and Stiles not being together, mostly because you haven't found anyone else and it is now Valentines Day. You haven't called him, but you'll be damned if you have to spend another holiday alone. This shit is hard enough with friends during the day.
"Well, it'd be nice if you two came to the wedding together." She said with a hopeful smile, and you felt annoyance crawl through your veins.
"I don't need someone to be happy. I can be perfectly happy alone." Lydia and Hayden stop shuffling through the cards and stare at you.
"Sweetheart, everyone says that before they find the one." Lydia informs you, and this pisses you off so bad you have to take a break from these happy women in their happy relationships looking for happy wedding cards.
"Ya know what?" You ask, trying not to explode in the middle of the mall. "I'm gonna go get some chocolate. I'll bring some back for you." You pinch your lips together in a tight smile, and they both stare wide eyed at you. You shouldn't be this short with your best friends, but you're tired of love and tired of it being pushed on you like everyone is a horrible salesman for some drug they're too high to notice is killing them.
Not that love is like that. But you just wish that people could talk about something else. Anything else.
You go to the candy store, putting chocolate in a basket at random. This is going to taste great in the bath tonight while you read your latest book, and you're dreaming about it while you put another chocolate in your basket as someone says your name.
"Y/N?" And oh God it's Noah, your ex. The ex. "It's so good to see you!" And he means it? You could throw up here.
"Noah?" You mutter, looking down at the basket full of chocolate. Oh, this looks bad. First Valentines Day without him and here you are alone, with a mountain of chocolate. "Hi," You have nothing else to say, glue closing your throat.
"How've you been?" He asks, and you blink.
"Great!" You lie after a moment of hesitation, and before you can even ask the same question to him a gorgeous girl comes up. Probably the prettiest person you've ever seen in real life. You're star struck honestly.
"Babe, you have to try this!" She says to Noah, and she shoves the chocolate into his mouth, her fingers getting caught in a way that is far too sexual for the Beacon Hills Mall. You are speechless, and you think maybe you'll just throw up right there because you're missing your heart. You thought maybe you were over Noah - he cheated on you, for crying out loud. But seeing him has made every emotion come back out.
"Oh, Clem, this is my old friend, Y/N."Â Old friend. Oh, you could just scream. And honestly, you think this may be the breaking point. You open your mouth, about to tell Clem just who you are and what Noah did to you when Stiles is at your side, arm thrown around your shoulders.
"Shoes took forever to find, babe, sorry." He says, then looks over at Noah and Clem, as if he hadn't noticed them. "Hey, Stiles, nice to meet ya." He says, holding out his hand. You thank your lucky stars that Stiles and Noah never happened to meet.
"Noah." He smiles as if nothing is amiss, and it makes you so mad. Stiles' eyes widen.
"Noah?" He repeats, and then looks down at you. He knows that you dated a Noah, even if he doesn't know what happened. And now, it's all making sense. "Stiles." He introduces himself, and Noah barely hears him because he's so engrossed in what Clem is doing.
"I was just," You have no idea what to say, how to fill the silence as you stare at the two of them. Here you are, still single and miserable and trying to drown yourself in chocolate? How miserable.
"She was grabbing chocolate for our date tonight! Thanks so much babe, but we have to go." Stiles steers you out of the store, and you let him, because this is probably one of the worst Valentines Days you've ever had.
"What the fuck?" You say a little too loudly, and Stiles shakes his head.
"So, Noah?" Stiles starts as you two sit on a bench. You frown, hating all the memories that come up just at his name. "What happened?"
"He cheated on me. In my apartment." It's honestly embarrassing. Who gets cheated on in their own place? You weren't even sharing the apartment or officially living together. He was there because he was a cocky son of a bitch.
"Oh, shit." Stiles mutters, realizing maybe Scott mentioned that when you two broke up. That must've been why you were so shocked to see him. "That's a lot." He says, because he doesn't know what else to say. He reaches over into your basket and opens up some chocolates for you.
"Thanks." You munch, because chocolate makes everything better. Stiles eats one too, and you sit together, two sad sacks on Valentines Day.
"Who's the lucky date tonight?" He asks, and you grab another chocolate, shoving it in your mouth.
"You don't have to rub it in." You mutter, and he shrugs.
"This works out. I don't have anyone either. Maybe we can watch stupid movies so we don't have to be alone." He suggests, and it isn't the worst idea in the world.
"I told you my sob story. Why did you and Lydia break up?" You ask, because you have been morbidly curious ever since it happened two years ago and she won't tell you, no matter how much you ask. He sighs, eating another chocolate before answering.
"She had dreams she couldn't get over. And you know how she is when she has dreams." She doesn't let them go, even if they're just dreams. You feel horrible, because it's obvious he still has feelings for her.
"We can watch movies. But I veto Star Trek." You tell him, and he scoffs.
"I didn't even want to watch it anyway." He tries, but you don't believe him. You both stand, and that's when you realize that you're holding the basket from the store. Because you never checked out.
"Oh God, I didn't pay for these!"
St Patricks Day
You're only out because all your friends love to go to the Irish pub downtown that is definitely owned by the most American person in town that has a great great grandmother that came over from Ireland. But they always go all out for Saint Patricks, so the pack always goes and gets smashed.
"Stiles? Really?" Hayden asks as you pound shots like your life depends on it. You're wearing a green wig, and matching tacky shirts with Stiles. Everyone is wearing clover necklaces and headbands and some of the girls even have green tutus.
"What's that supposed to mean?" You frown, stumbling slightly against the bar.
"She just means that we never imagined you with him." Lydia answers, and you blink once.
"Because you wanted to get back with him?" You ask, and their eyes go wide.
"No!" She says, and because you're drunk you have no idea if she's telling the truth.
"Let's get another round!" Malia suggests, and you don't argue. You down another shot, and Stiles comes over, clearly enjoying the multiple pitchers of beer the boys had bought.
"How's it going?" He asks, standing behind you but not putting a hand on you. You shrug, because you're confused about Lydia's feelings. You want to talk to Stiles about it, but you can't without outing your plan that only Scott knows about.
"Oh, uh," Stiles turns, and then the boys start to giggle.
"What happened?" Malia asks, because she's the most sober. She's able to hold her liquor well, and she rarely gets tipsy, let alone drunk.
"He's passed out on the table." Scott says, and everyone makes room to look at Liam laying on the table, holding an empty pitcher. The front of his shirt is soaked, and you know the hangover is going to be horrid.
"He thought he could down the entire pitcher and be fine. But even his extra strength can't handle that." Mason jokes, and you can't help the giggle that escapes you before you hiccup.
"Are you drunk?" Stiles asks, and you shake your head, straightening up.
Before Scott has to carry you home for the night, you drag Stiles over to the photobooth shoved in the corner.Â
"This is such a cash grab! We can take pictures with our phones." Stiles wines, but you feed the machine money and pull him in.Â
"Come on, it'll be fun!" You slur, having to sit on Stiles' lap to take the pictures. You smiles at the camera in the first one, then make silly faces in the next. Stiles grabs your wig off between the second and third pictures, causing you to make a shocked face as you turn to him and the camera goes off. The last picture, though, is the two of you just staring at each other, caught up and forgetting that the rest of the world exists.Â
You don't really remember taking the photos all that much, but you save the strip and it's on your bedside table when you wake up the next morning.Â
Easter
"No, my family always does Easter at my mom's house. It's a big deal and if I'm not there, they'll probably send a search party." You tell Stiles.
"My Dad is all I have left. We always do holidays together, and I can't break this one just because we're fake dating." He says, and you try to figure out how to argue back without sounding insensitive. You are fighting over where you'll be spending Easter, the first major holiday that has come up in your dating agreement.
"If we do Easter at your parents house, we have to do Christmas at mine." You say, ready for this argument to be over so you can tell your family you won't be at Easter dinner.
"You think this will still be going on in eight months?" Stiles asks, and you frown, caught. For a moment, you got so wrapped up in arguing you forgot that the two of you weren't actually dating.
"One can only hope it isn't." You grimace, not even wanting to think about the holidays later in the year.
~
When Easter comes up, you bring a pie over to Stiles' dad's place. Stiles had already warned you that his dad has started dating Lydia's mom, so Lydia and her new boyfriend will be joining them.
Apparently, however, Stiles forgot to inform his dad that you would be here.
"Stiles! And," He looks over to you, and you smile, because you're sure he just forgot your name.
"Y/N," You prompt, but no look of recognition crosses his face. Instead, he looks at Stiles, and his eyes are wide.
"Welcome." He says, but it's strained. You're not sure what's going on, but you bring the pie in and set it down. When you turn, you see the table set up for six people, with Lydia and her mom sitting already. But the room is quiet, and you realize why when next to who you assume is Lydia's boyfriend, there's a girl that looks similar to him.
"Shit," Lydia whispers, but it echoes because it is so silent you could hear a pin drop. You're a little confused, but you know something is wrong and it makes your heart race.
"That's Stiles?" Lydia's boyfriend asks, and she nods, taking a deep breath. "Then who is that?" The attention is on you, and you want to crawl into the foundation.
"This is my date." He says, putting an arm around you, and your shoulders uncoil just the smallest bit.
"Hold on a minute," The girl says, and you begin to put two and two together.
"You didn't tell me you were bringing a girl." Stiles' dad says, and you close your eyes. Stiles sighs as he turns his head up to the ceiling, and Lydia puts her head in her hands.
"You brought a date to Easter?" Lydia's mother says, and Stiles wants to scream because is it really that crazy?
"I did, yeah." Stiles grabs your hand, and you open your eyes against the burning in your cheeks. "But I thought Lydia would have known this." While you don't really hang out together outside of holidays, you haven't told the group that you aren't going out anymore. Lydia should have known that you would be here. And Lydia is one of your best friends, who you would have definitely told if you and Stiles 'broke up.'
"You didn't say anything, and last time we went out it just seemed," She trails off, and you widen your eyes because you know she's about to bring up how you said you're not fully into him, just having fun.
"Well, this will be interesting." You say with a tight smile.
And you were right, because despite the fact that you're sitting right there, in a folding chair from the garage, Cynthia insists on flirting with Stiles. You take advantage of the flowing wine, and while you aren't jealous of Cynthia or anything, you are not enjoying the fact that you have to fifth wheel Stiles, his ex and his dad.
"How did you and Stiles meet?" His dad asks, and you honestly think this may make it worse. Lydia almost chokes, which informs you that this will be worse.
"We've known each other since high school." You say flatly, watching his dad's brows furrow.
"Were you apart of the whole," He trails off, because he doesn't want to say anything 'supernatural' in front of random people, but you nod.
"Yup." You take another gulp of wine, listening to Cynthia laugh at Stiles. Maybe this is good for him; he'll find someone else that he can have a real connection with.
And you'll be left here, once again.
~
"She seemed nice." You say when Stiles is taking you home later. You're a little tipsy, but not so bad that you would make a scene.
"I swear, I didn't know my dad would do that." He says, and you believe him but can only nod. "Plus, her eyes weren't symmetric." He tells you, and you can't help the laugh that bursts out of you.
"What?" You ask, turning to him.
"One was way bigger than the other!" He says with a smile, and you're laughing hard now. "It was strange to look at." You shake your head, not sure if he's saying this just to make you feel better or not.
"So," You take a deep breath as he pulls up to your place, putting the Jeep in park. He turns to you, giving you his full attention. "My family for Thanksgiving and Christmas."
"Yeah." He agrees immediately, and you smile.
Mother's Day
"Hello?" Stiles' answers the phone, and you finish putting on the top coat of your toe nail polish.
"Hey, I know it's late notice, but I was wondering if you could come to this luncheon tea with my mom next weekend for Mother's Day? She really wants you to come." You pause, listening to the quietness on the other line. "I also really want you to come, if only because my siblings will be there with their partners." Your heart begins to beat with anxiety when Stiles still doesn't respond. "Stiles? You there?"
"Yes, yeah." He says quickly, then takes a deep breath. "I can't." He hangs up abruptly, and you are left blinking at your homescreen. You frown, closing the nail polish and grabbing your phone. You know Stiles' mom isn't in his life, but you haven't been close enough to him in the past to know what happened. You debate a moment before calling Lydia, needing to know what happened.
"What's up?" She asks, and you only debate a moment before coming out with it.
"What happened to Stiles' mom?" It's quiet once more in your living room, and you realize you have monumentally fucked up.
"She died when he was young." Lydia finally says, and you freeze.
"Fuck," You whisper, because of course your insensitive ass just asked Stiles to participate in Mother's Day when he doesn't even have his mother around anymore.
"What-" You hang up and call Stiles back, but he doesn't answer. You don't have time to think about the way your heart jumps in anxiety, you just grab your keys and run out the door, jamming your toe against the door frame and no doubt leaving some paint there because your toes are not dried yet. You slide on a pair of flip flops and lock your door quickly, running to your car and hoping you remember the way to Stiles and Scott's apartment.
~
Stiles is taking a shower, trying to prepare himself for the torturous week, when Scott runs in and doesn't even bother to knock.
"Dude," He says, smile on his face when Stiles pulls the curtain back to peak just his head out.
"What the hell, Scott?" Stiles says, but Scott is still showing teeth ear to ear. "This better be good." Stiles says, and Scott just nods.
"Y/N's here." He says, and Stiles almost chokes.
"Here, as in, our apartment? Right now?" Stiles asks, his chest becoming just a little tight.
"Yes! And she needs to talk to you. So get your ass out, right now." Scott closes the door, and Stiles releases the curtain and turns back to the wall underneath the spray of water. You're here, in his apartment. For what, he doesn't know, but he needs to find out.
When he comes into the living room, hair still wet and dripping onto the shirt he randomly grabbed from the clean clothes pile, he sees you, lip red from biting and brows furrowed. You look concerned, and he frowns.
"What's wrong?" He asks, and you snap your head straight up. You haven't sat down, clearly too nervous, and Scott has made himself scarce.
"I had no idea about your mom." You start with, and Stiles feels himself straighten. "If I had, I would have never asked you to the luncheon. That's so insensitive, I'm so sorry." You have tears in your eyes, and everything about this pulls at his heart. You had no way to know about his mom; the two of you weren't close when the whole Nogitsune issue happened, and really that's how all his friends knew what happened. You were just trying to invite him to an outing that had everything to do with your deal.
"It's okay," He tells you, and you nod. "I don't really talk about it." He says, as if he's just realizing it, and you frown.
"Do you want to?" You put a hand on his elbow, and he feels like he can't breathe for a moment. No one really knows how to deal with someone who lost their mom, especially if they haven't gone through it, but you're here taking it in stride.
"My dad and I always go out on Mother's Day. To honor her. It's why I said I couldn't go." He thinks about the tradition they started, and his throat gets tight. "It actually started before she even died. She had frontotemporal dementia. So near the end, she wasn't really herself. We had tried to celebrate Mother's Day, but she couldn't understand that she was a mom, that the day was for her. So my dad took me out. I was only eight - I didn't get it either. My dad said that we could go out for her, since she had to stay in the hospital. I only realized years later that he did it to take me away, because it was painful to watch her not remember me and me try to convince her." He has never told that story to anyone - it's not like anyone usually asks what he's doing Mother's Day. He doesn't realize he's crying until you reach up and wipe his tears.
"I should have asked. I shouldn't have assumed." You tell him, pulling him in to hug him. "I understand, and I don't expect you to come out that day. I'll just tell my mom you're sick." You say smiling a little when Stiles lets out a wet chuckle.
"Do you think she'll believe that?" He's never met your mom, but he's a little afraid of disappointing her. Not that he'd ever admit that, because there's no reason for that.
"She will if I tell her you had to call out of work due to your need to be near a toilet." You say, and Stiles laughs, not letting go of you just yet. This has been so nice, to be able to talk about his mom and feel okay.
"Thank you." He whispers, and for a moment he wonders if you don't hear it. But then, you lean back, looking into his eyes.
"What are holidates for?" You ask, as if it's that easy.
And maybe it could be.
Fourth of July
"I need this so bad, I swear work has been purposefully kicking my ass." Lydia says as she gets in the drivers seat of her car. You get in the passenger seat, Hayden, Malia and Kira in the back.
"I brought something that might help." Malia says, pulling a bag out of her purse as Lydia puts the car in drive, pulling out behind the boys who are in their own car. You turn around in your seat to see Malia is holding a joint.
"Oh my God," You say, instantly looking in Lydia's purse for the lighter you know she keeps in there. First one to find a lighter gets the first hit - those have been the rules since high school. "Found one!" You scream, and Hayden sighs out a curse when the bag is passed to you. You light the blunt, rolling the window down as you drop the lighter back in Lydia's bag and take a nice, long hit.
"Give it to me!" Kira yells, and you put your hand back for the girls in the back to fight over the prize as you blow the smoke out the window.
"Oh, my long lost love, it's been too long." You sigh, hearing the girls roll the windows down in the back and the car begin to smell of relaxation.
"I can't wait to get to the cabin." Lydia says, pressing on the gas a little harder, and you're just glad it isn't your turn to drive as you grab the blunt again and take a drag.
Little did you all know, the boys were also indulging while they drove. Except, they were indulging in beer, so you all watch Mason take one step out and face plant directly into the dirt. And then Liam follows.
"It was only an hour drive? How much did they drink?" Hayden asks, but when you look at the blunt that had burned your fingers from being so small on the last drag, you can't judge that much. Your brain is pleasantly fogged, and you can feel everything swim when you step out of the car.
"Oh, please let's get these snacks out." Kira begs, and you all carry the snacks inside. The boys stumble around, and Lydia's boyfriend, Sam, shotguns two beers in a row because he had also been driving. Lydia agrees to take an edible that Malia had brought for tomorrow, and everyone begins to get on the same level.
Once everything is unloaded, the boys go down the the beach and the girls are on the dock, sunglasses on and snacks in hand.
"How are you and Stiles?" Hayden asks, and you shrug.
"Good." You have no idea how to answer that question, but you turn it on her. "How's wedding planning?"
"So amazing. We're almost there, and I can't wait to celebrate." You nod, but you honestly have no idea what she's talking about. You've never had the dream of planning your wedding, because you've never met anyone to share your life with like that.
"Sound's great." You say, digging your hand into the pretzels.
"You haven't RSVPed, but I'm assuming you and Stiles won't need plus ones? Because you'll be going together." She says, and you think about how long you've been caught in this ruse. You're no closer to finding 'the one.' And honestly, you haven't even been looking.
Whoops.
"Sure." You can't say more, because suddenly the boys are screaming and you're all turning your attention over there.
"What's going on?" Lydia asks as you start to get up, walking over. Once you start to walk over, you realize that Stiles is screaming as he holds his hand.
"He cut his hand trying to open up the fireworks." Scott says, and try have so many questions that you have to take a moment to pause and rearrange your brain.
"You brought fireworks?" Hayden yells, and at least that takes care of one question.
"Why was Stiles opening them?" You ask, grabbing a towel from the table and walking over to Stiles.
"Oh God, this is too much blood." Stiles says, tilting on his feet.
"Stay with me," You mutter, because it is a lot of blood pooling in his hand and on his shirt. You can't tell how bad the cut is, because of all the blood, but you know you're gonna have to go to the hospital. You wrap the towel around his hand, hoping he'll make it for the drive. "Lydia, we need you to drive." You call, and she's shaking her head when you turn.
"Uh, I can't drive right now. But you two have fun!" She throws you the keys, and you barely catch them in one hand with your other hand around Stiles still.
"What the fuck?" You ask, because the adrenaline and the leftover weed has your filter nonexistent.
"You'll be fine! Text us updates!" Malia calls, and when Stiles slumps against you there's no time to argue.
"God, you owe me for this!" You grunt, then lead Stiles to the car.
~
You're laughing at the hospital, though, because Stiles is finally high on some pain meds they had to give him since he was freaking out so much about the blood. You're waiting for the doctor to come stitch him up, the cut already having been cleaned and disinfected.
"Why were you opening the box and not someone who wouldn't have to take a trip to the hospital?" You ask, crossing your arms as you stand next to his bed. Liam and Scott could have opened the box and they would have been fine with their healing ability.
"I don't know." Stiles shrugs, a small smile on his face. "I guess we didn't think about it."
"Clearly." You roll your eyes but you're still smiling fondly. You're really not that upsetting at having to leave, because it's not like you were doing much.
"Hello, Mr. Stilinski," The doctor walks in, and holy hell. He's hot. He's got blond hair and some stubble, green eyes dark and you're instantly enamored. He frowns at the chart, and you aren't sure if he's looking at Stiles' first name or his injury. "What do we have going on here?"
"I cut my hand open." Stiles' words had been little short, and you turn to him with a frown. He's staring at the doctor, and the two of you had just been laughing and joking.
"Seems like it isn't your dominant hand then, which is lucky." The doctor says with a smile, then looks over at you. "Also lucky your girlfriend could take you on what I assume was a busy holiday."
"Oh, we aren't together." You say quickly, and you can feel Stiles' eyes on you but you refuse to look at him. What's the harm in telling this hot doctor you aren't together when you don't even know him? The whole point of this ruse was that the two of you were lonely; you're not actually dating, and this can't go on forever.
"Well, must be a nice friend." He says with a smile, and then he goes to Stiles' side to help stitch up his hand.
And you don't tell Stiles' because he's already down on his luck. But when he's signing the discharge paper, the hot doctor (Dr. Beau Arlen, he introduces himself), gives you his number. Because you aren't a patient, and it's technically a grey area, and even though Stiles stared at him the entire time he got stitches even though he hates blood, Dr. Arlen thinks you're pretty.
You don't tell anyone, because you can't, but you do the happy dance after dropping Stiles off at his apartment. And you pretend the feeling in your chest is only for Stiles' poor hand, and not anything else.
Liam and Hayden's Wedding (Labor Day)
You get a little too busy to call Dr. Arlen. Because right before Liam and Hayden's wedding, there's an omega killed a couple miles away, and Scott and Liam have to deal with that. Hayden is upset, understandably, so you, Lydia and Malia take on a lot of the wedding prep that Liam would have been helping with. They aren't really doing a wedding party outside of maid of honor and best man, going to Hayden's sister and Mason, but Hayden assures you that you would all be in the wedding if they were doing that.
"She was flirting with the doctor, dude!" Stiles is on his couch as if Scott is his therapist, and he has been talking about you flirting with the doctor since before his hand has healed.
"You aren't together, so why is this bothering you so much?" Scott has his theory, but he can't just tell Stiles this. Stiles doesn't take news like this well.
"I don't know, maybe because I was sitting in a hospital bed and she was flirting with the man who was supposed to be helping me!" He cries, and Scott sighs. He understands that he's the only one who knows this whole thing is a ruse, but he's starting to wish maybe he had told Stiles the two of you should just actually date.
"You had a cut on your hand, man. You weren't dying." Scott is always on Stiles' team, of course. It's his best friend. But he cannot handle this bitching. "If it's bothering you this much, just take someone else to the wedding." Scott suggests, because maybe seeing you with someone else will knock his head into place.
"Ya know what, that's a great idea. I'll call her now." Stiles says, and Scott nods, hoping they get this together. He cannot handle more of this bitching and moaning.
When you answer the phone, you're laying on your bed, reading a book. You put it down when you saw Stiles' name, glad he called because it's so close to the wedding and you had some questions. You slide your bookmark, the picture strip from the St. Patrick's Day photobooth into the book to keep your place.
"Stiles, I'm glad you called. I wanted to talk to you about the wedding." You say, sitting up.
"Great, I actually wanted to talk you about that too." He says, and you smile a bit, glad he's on the same page.
"I was thinking-"
"I think we should bring a different date to the wedding." Stiles says, cutting off your question of what color the two of you should wear to match. You blink, shocked. This feels like it's coming out of nowhere. "That's what you were going to say, right?" He asks, and you have no idea where he's getting this from. But you don't want to hold him back, and this was never meant to be a forever deal.
"Right, yeah." You nod, even though you have this weird feeling in your chest. You push it away, nodding even though he can't see you. "That makes sense." It's awkwardly quiet over the phone, and you have no idea what to do.
"Well, I'll see you at the wedding." He says, and you just hang up because what the hell. What just happened?
You have no idea who you're going to ask, and you can't help but wonder who Stiles is going to ask.
What you do know is this is going to suck.
~
In the end you asked Beau, the doctor, if he would come, because you literally had no one else. And so you showed up, not matching because that was a stupid idea you have no idea why you would ever suggest that, and you wait for Stiles to get there.
"Why the frown?" Beau asks, one hand on your cheek as if to smooth the lines. You try to smile, looking around the nice venue for everyone. Lydia is with Sam still, and the two of them are sitting at a table with Scott and Kira. Just as you order a drink, you spot Malia, who you're pretty sure has just broken up with her boyfriend. And then you see Stiles, who has Cynthia on his arm.
Fucking Cynthia.
You down your drink and order another, pretending like you haven't seen them and ignoring Beau's odd look at you.
The ceremony is gorgeous, and during dinner you and Stiles make sure you're not sitting next to each other, which is super awkward for all your friends. Lydia has come to sit next to you, and Scott and Kira next to Stiles. And your eyes feel glued to his table, to him and Cynthia all over each other.
"Are you alright?" Beau asks during dinner, and you nod far too many times for you to actually be alright. "Because you keep looking over at the guy who I stitched up. The one who you swore was not your boyfriend?" Beau is smiling, but it seems forced. Lydia snaps her head to you, and your eyes widen.
"When exactly did you and Stiles break up?" Ah, yes, because you had to tell everyone that the two of you broke up, which was really not as bad as you thought it would be considering you were all adults and the friend group wasn't hinging on your relationship. You could be in the same room without things being weird.
"It's been weird for awhile." You say, gulping more of your drink. Lydia eyes you, and you know you're going to have to come clean soon. "But I'm fine, honestly. It's why I asked you to be here." You tell him with a smile, and he nods, believing you. You lean into him, and out of the corner of your eye you can see Cynthia and Stiles laughing. It makes your heart clench, and you just snuggle closer to Beau.
Once the dance floor begins to open up, Beau grabs your hand and you take it, smiling as he leads you to the floor. You allow it to happen as he swings you around, the two of you dancing to pop songs until you fall backwards as Beau had been spinning you, right into Cynthia.
Of fucking course.
When you were actually having fun, she comes up and ruins it. And she had been holding a drink, which spills all over her dress and your shoes.
"Oh my God, my dress! What is your problem?" She cries, and you stare wide eyed, because that had not been your fault.
"I didn't mean to." You say, because you really don't like this bitch. "Let me get you some towels." You mutter, barley containing the urge to roll your eyes as you walk over to the bar. Stiles follows you, and you want to warn him not to, that he decided you shouldn't be at this wedding together so he needs to leave.
"I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"Whatever." You cut Stiles off, waiting for the bartender to be done with the line of customers.
"Why are you being rude?" Stiles has the nerve to ask, and you are out of patience.
"Maybe because your date was just a bitch to me when I was finally having a good time." You admit, not even looking at him.
"You mean you haven't been having the time of your life with Dr. Sexy over here? How long have you been taking to him? We could have broken our agreement sooner." He says, and you roll your eyes.
"Are you seriously jealous? Over the doctor that stitched your hand when you were drunk?" You question, and it's quiet until you look at Stiles.
"I'm not fucking jealous. I'm just saying you could have told me." And you realize that maybe you and Stiles are a little more close than you originally thought.
"I didn't tell you because there was nothing to tell. I haven't talked to him since the Fourth." You roll your eyes, about to order a drink when the bartender looks at you before you remember why you're here. "We need some towels please." He nods, turning to grab them.
"Oh," Stiles sounds a little dejected, and you are too annoyed with this whole situation to care.
"You're the one who said we should bring different dates. How long have you had Cynthia locked and loaded?" You ask, and Stiles sighs.
"I only said that because I wanted to make sure you didn't feel trapped in our deal." He says, and you can't help your scowl when he says it.
"I'll be sure to tell you next time." You snark, grabbing the towels from the bartender and turning to go back to your dates. By the time you get to where you left them, Beau has a couple napkins pressed to Cynthia's boobs and they're looking into each other's eyes. You freeze, dropping the towels, and you want to just scream because what the fuck is your life?
"I'll text you some halloween costume ideas." Stiles says, and you nod, turning back to the bar to get multiple shots.
Halloween
"We're not going as Han Solo and Leia." You argue for what feels like the seventeenth time.
"Why not?" You finally crumble, because you are so tired of this argument.
"Because I want to be sexy. And it's hard to be sexy while wearing a white dress and buns." You're at Stiles' place, going through Pinterest on your computer.
"Carrie Fisher did it." Stiles argues, and you sigh.
"I am not Carrie." Because it's hard to argue with that kind of logic.
"Nobody is." Stiles says forlornly, and you scroll a little more to find something Stiles would actually agree with.
"What about Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde?" You ask, seeing some cute inspo.
"So you don't want to be Princess Leia because it isn't sexy enough, but you want to be a bunny cop?" Stiles asks, and you roll your eyes.
"Do you have any ideas that don't involve being a total nerd?" You ask, and he has to take a deep breath.
"What about pirates? Is that slutty enough for you?" He asks, and you frown. But you honestly can't think of any other option that he would agree with.
"Fine." You agree, shutting your computer and pouring more wine into your glass. But you're buying the costumes."
~
Worst idea of your life.
You can't breathe as Lydia laces up the corset, which is two sizes to small. A good thing, maybe for everyone looking at you. But for your organs? It's the worst.
"What the hell is wrong with thing?" Lydia asks as she pulls tight, taking your breath away before tying it tight.
"I let Stiles get it." You breathe out, and you feel a slight pain in your right side but pretend you don't for right now. Everything feels wrong, and this stupid corset is making it worse.
"Never making that mistake again." She tells you, and you nod. You sneeze, and then feel a little light headed, but shake it off. Halloween only comes once a year, and like all important holiday parties, it is thrown at Derek's old place. "Are you gonna be okay?" She can tell something is wrong, but you haven't told anyone about how you don't feel well. You can tough this out.
"Yeah, great." You say, and then the two of you are off.
When you arrive, the party is in full swing. It takes you a second to find Stiles, and when he hands you a drink you really don't want it but you know you need to act the part for tonight. You take a sip, but you are not feeling it.
"Are you alright?" Stiles asks, arm around you. You want to just melt into him, but this isn't the time or place. Plus, he's wearing his own pirate costume, complete with a hat, and it isn't very comfortable.
"Yeah." You nod, taking a deep breath and drinking more of the punch. You're lying; you want to go home more than anything. But that would be leaving Stiles alone, and the whole point of this was to not leave each other alone.
You try to stick it out, and everything is going fine until you see Noah. And Clem is there too, and they're dressed as Nick and Judy with a baby elephant.
You are going to lose your shit.
"Y/N!" He calls, and you want to ask who the hell invited him. How did he get here. And whose child is this?
"Noah," You can't stop staring at the baby, and the couple notices this.
"This is baby Jude! We adopted him right after we eloped last month." Clem says, eyes on her baby, and you feel yourself falling into Stiles.
"That's just.. great!" Stiles answers for you, and then he's steering you away because you had dropped your drink and it was now flooding people's shoes. "What the hell is wrong with them?" He asks, trying to get your mind off of them. The pain in your side is getting unbearable, and you can barely breathe.
"Get me out of here." You wheeze, emotion whirling around your head. You are feeling too much right now, and you need to go.
"Of course." Stiles grabs your hand and leads you out immediately, not even saying goodbye to your friends.
You feel even worse on the drive home, and by the time you get to Stiles' apartment complex you are ready to die. You're going to throw up, you know this now. And you're in this stupid corset that you think has bruised at least one rib.
"Get this off of me." You say as the two of you get in the elevator, and Stiles turns to you.
"What?" He asks, but you are already struggling with the corset.
"Get this fucking thing off!" You shriek, wanting to kill him for buying you this stupid corset in the first place. "I'm going to throw up, oh my God!" You cry, and this springs Stiles into action.
"It's okay, I promise we'll get it off." He tells you, but he starts pulling and honestly it's making it worse. You're yelling at him, hands holding the railing as you bend over and breathe, when the doors open and an older couple is right there. Stiles turns and smiles awkwardly at them, knowing exactly what this looks like with you bent over and his hands on your corset, but you don't even notice because you're too busy breathing so you don't throw up all over yourself. The doors close and you continue to go up to their apartment.
"Where's werewolf strength when you need it?" You cry, head tilted up as if you were praying. The doors open finally on Stiles' floor, and the two of you stumble to the door, you sweating and Stiles working on the knot and grabbing his keys. You make it into the apartment and go straight to the bathroom, and you slam the door on Stiles who still couldn't get the corset off.
"Did you make it?" Stiles calls through the door, and you just groan. Because to put it in the best terms, you did not make it.
You find yourself naked in Stiles' bathtub after he finally untied the corset, and sure enough there's bruising around your ribs. Stiles, ever the sweet man he is, has his detachable nozzle and is washing your hair. And despite the circumstance, and the fact that you have your knees pulled up to your chest to hide your boobs, this is the most intimate thing you have ever done. More intimate that sex, more intimate than saying 'I love you.'
And holy fuck, what is wrong with your heart?
You get into Stiles' bed after, him giving you a large sleep shirt. You stare at him as he strips to get into bed too, and then finally the two of you are facing each other.Â
"That's gonna be a funny icebreaker on your next real date." There's a lump in your throat as you say it, and you don't know if it's from embarrassment or the thought of him going on another date.Â
"I'm not going to tell anyone." He says simply, grabbing your hand. You nod, because if you speak right now tears are going to fall out of your eyes. "And knowing me, you'll be able to get me back sometime soon." He says, fully pulling you into his arms to sleep. You let him, and you silently hope that someday you can make him feel as comfortable as he has made you during what should have been a humiliating moment.Â
~
In the morning, you wake up to see Stiles already staring at you. Your cheeks heat up, and without saying anything he leans in. You put a hand on his chest, pausing him.
"Wait," You see his face fall. "If we do this, are we going to be dating for real?" You ask, and Stiles just smiles while he shakes his head.
"That is an entire conversation we'll have to have. And we can have it after this." You nod slightly and then your lips are touching, and you have to admit this is one of the best kisses you've ever had. You're completely in his arms, and when he reaches underneath your shirt it's not weird or pushy, it's nice and you actually want it.Â
And that's how you find yourself naked for the second time, this time in Stiles' arms and completely satiated. You know Stiles wants to talk about it, you can feel him practically bursting to start the conversation, but you're pretending to be asleep because your heart is beating out of your chest for fear of what this means.Â
Until someone comes through the front door.
"Stiles!" Scott yells, and Stiles shoots up, putting his pants on and running out. "Stiles, man, I fucked up!" He cries, and you can't help but pull the sheets up and listen.
"What?" Stiles asks, and Scott starts pacing.
"I kissed Malia last night." He confesses, and your eyes widen.
"Oh God." Stiles says, because he knows Scott has just announced this to you as well, and now you're either going to tell Kira or you're going to have to lie to your friend.
"I don't even know how it happened." Scott is going on, and you quickly find your clothes because you need to leave.
"Where were you?" Stiles asks, and then you come out of Stiles' room and Scott's eyes go wide.
"Stiles," Scott says, and Stiles sighs.
"I'm just gonna go, sounds like you two need some time." You say, and Scott just nods, not able to stop staring.
"What did you do?" Scott asks when the door shuts, and Stiles groans.
"I think I fucked everything up." Stiles says, and the best friends realize maybe they'll have to renew their lease next year on the account that they'll both be single together forever.
Thanksgiving
You don't talk about Thanksgiving with Stiles. In fact, you're practically avoiding him, not answering his calls and only texting when necessary. But he knows the two of you are going to your house for Thanksgiving since you went to his place for Easter, so if he plans on coming you'll see him there.
You deal with your family asking about him, about if you're getting serious and you know you'll need to move a little faster cause you're not getting younger, and your mother is so into this conversation that she burns the turkey and the rolls that were on the bottom rack, and because she had accidentally set the oven too high the glass on top of the mashed potatoes that were sitting on the stove shattered and got into the side dishes so everything was ruined.
"Y/N will get us replacements, since she's the only one without a significant other to care!" You mutter under your breath as you put your shoes on. Your mom hadn't said that exactly, but she may as well have. Just as you open the door, Stiles stands there with a pie in his hands, just like you had brought one to Easter.
"Perfect, one less thing for the two of you to get at the store." Your mom takes the pie and shoos you out. She's not the biggest fan of Stiles since he never made it to the Mother's Day luncheon, and you hadn't told her that it was because of his own mother because it wasn't her business. You roll your eyes as you push past Stiles and close the door, heading to your car.
"Come on, my mom burnt dinner." You call, and the two of you make your way to the grocery store.
It's awkward, you won't lie. But you don't want to talk, and Stiles does, and that's how you end up fighting on Thanksgiving in a fucking Costco.
"I think you're afraid." Stiles says, and you stop pushing the cart. You had been pretending not to hear him or to misunderstand him up until this point, but there is no hiding now.Â
"Afraid." You repeat, because there's no way he's starting this on Thanksgiving.
"We need to talk about what happened. But you left." He's in front of the cart, almost begging you now and you close your eyes as you shake your head against the emotions.
"I left because Scott was having an emotional emergency." You defend, pushing the cart a little bit but Stiles is resisting.
"You have been ignoring me. And I know that this is scary and new but it's us. But I think we can do this." He sounds so corny and it's what you want but he's right, this is scary. And you're just not ready for it.
"I'm not ignoring you. I've just been busy." You know it's the wrong thing to say when Stiles' face falls and he nods, breathing deep before letting go of the cart and walking away.
"You know you have to take chances, or you're going to be alone for the holidays. And you can't blame anyone for that." He shrugs, and you have no defense - you can't even yell after him. You just watch him walk out, leaving you with groceries for your happy family and their happy families.
~
You eat Thanksgiving dinner alone, just like you have every year of your life, and you cannot stop thinking about what Stiles said. You knew the kiss and everything that came after on Halloween was real. And you knew that leaving and ignoring Stiles would lead to hurt in the long run. But you thought maybe you would have more time. You wanted to live in the in between.
When you go back to your own place, you decide to just read the book you've been reading. But the bookmark you've been using is the Photo Booth pictures from St. Patrick's day, the two of you tipsy and having fun. And you miss that. You miss him. You see the picture on the bottom, of the two of you staring at each other, and you wonder what it would have felt like if you weren't drunk, if you could fully remember his jeans under your skirt or his hand on your thigh while his eyes pierced into you.Â
Maybe you should talk to him.
You make his way to his apartment, heart beating faster every second that passes. You take a deep breath before you get out of your car, jacket bundled up to your ears against the cold. At the front door you hesitate at the buzzer; you don't have a key to their apartment, so you have to announce your presence. And what if he isn't even there? Oh God, is this a mistake -
"Yeah, no, I'm on my way. I'll be there soon. Yeah," Stiles' voice drifts out of the open door, and you don't turn. You're frozen, unable to make your body look at him, much less talk to him. You have royally fucked this up and God, what would you even say? What would make all of this okay at this point?
So you wait, frozen for a minute more, and then get back in your car and drive back to your lonely apartment.
Christmas
"What happened with you and Stiles? I really thought you guys were cute together. You always kept getting back together." She tells you, and your heart clenches. You're out Christmas shopping, and everyone knows at this point that you and Stiles broke up. For good, this time.
"I have something to admit." You say slowly, because you can't keep lying to her. "Stiles and I were faking it. The whole time. We were tired of being the only ones that didn't have anyone, so we made a pact that we would be together for holidays." You tell her, and she's not as shocked as you thought she would be.
"Well, yeah. We all knew you were faking it before Liam and Hayden's wedding." She says, and you stop walking, jaw dropped at her.
"I'm sorry what?" You ask, letting Lydia pull you along so you don't hold up traffic.
"You guys were kinda obvious. But after the wedding we thought you got together for real? Did you not?" She asks as you get in line for the escalator.
"No! No, it was still fake, except on Halloween the most intimate moment of my entire life happened and then we had sex." Lydia looks confused, blinking.
"Wait, sex wasn't the most intimate moment of your life?" She asks, the two of you stepping on the slowest moving escalator ever crowded with a million people.Â
"No!" You say simply, because you are not about to admit to her that you throwing up all over yourself and Stiles having to help you shower like a child led to the most intimate moment of your life. And I messed it all up because I don't know how to tell him that he's right, I am afraid." You say, leaning your elbow on the moving railing and putting your head in your hand.
"Do you love him?" Lydia asks quietly, and you take a deep breath.
"I have never felt like this with anyone before." You admit, pulling your head out of your hands and looking up, right into Stiles' eyes.
You're breathless as you stare, the two of you going opposite ways on the escalator. You finally tear your eyes away and numbly step off the escalator, walking quickly away with Lydia.
"What are you doing?" She asks, grabbing your shoulders. "Go tell him how you feel!"
"I can't!" You're panting, your heart racing at just the thought of telling Stiles exactly what has been going on in your mind.
"Yes you can!" She pulls you closer, smiling slightly. "You two are perfect for each other. The only thing standing in the way of it is you." She says, and you know she's right. You nod, gathering all the courage you have in yourself and running over to the balcony edge.
"Stiles!" You call, trying to find him in the sea of people. "Stiles!" You see him, moving away from everyone, and you sprint to the actual stairs, much less crowded, and go down them two at a time. You continue calling his name as you push through people, until finally you decide this is pointless and stand on a bench between a dad and his daughter who look like they're being tortured.
"Stiles!" You scream, and finally he turns, along with half the people in the mall. They're all looking at you, and your heart beats out of your chest. Christmas music plays in the background, and you know now is your chance. "Stiles, I'm sorry. I thought that I could just push away all my emotions and keep things the way they were, but that's not the way that life should be lived. And I want to live my life with you. I want to wake up with you, and fall asleep with you, and when I'm trapped in a corset there is no one else I would rather be riding the elevator with." You say with a small smile, watching him fight his own smile. No one else gets the joke, and some people are already moving along, but it's not about them. It doesn't matter.
"I'm sorry I didn't stay. I'm sorry I didn't talk. You were right, I was afraid. Because I love you. And I don't think I've ever loved someone the way I love you." You hold your breath as you wait for him to respond, blood rushing in your ears.
"Not even Noah?" He finally asks, and you let out a half delirious laugh as you jump off the bench and make your way to him. He was already running to you, and it was a short distance so you crash together and you think maybe you're crying, which is so, so stupid.
"I love you." You say again, and then you're both leaning back, looking in each other's eyes.
"I love you too." He says, leaning in for a kiss. The two of you come together with his hands on your hips and yours on his face, and you don't think life could get better than this.
"Does this mean we're going to mine for Christmas?" He asks, and you shake your head, foreheads pressed together and eyes still closed.
"Don't get ahead of yourself."Â
//
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday
christmas has come early because i'm going out of town! thank you to all the love and support, every like, comment, and reblog. I truly love you all and it means so much that you love the book as much as I do
You hadnât come out of your room in two days.Â
Natasha had followed Steve in when he carried you to your room, pulling your headpiece out of your hair and cleaning the blood from the amount of hits you took against the wall. She changed you into a pair of pjs, but gently hung up your dress, knowing it was one of the only remnants of the life you built while you were away. You hadnât explained everything that happened, obviously you hadnât been in the right mind to, but she knew you had changed. You had fallen in love with someone, and being ripped apart from them had ruined you.Â
The team had been giving you space, not really sure what to do with you. They were no closer to getting everyone back; in fact, the general consensus was that there was no getting everyone back anymore. Trying to get just Bucky back had almost lost you, and getting you back had basically killed you.Â
They werenât going to let you starve yourself though, so on the second day Natasha came in, holding a bowl of soup. You were laying in bed, covers wrapped around your body, eyes red rimmed and half open as you stared blankly at the wall.
âI brought you some soup that Wanda made.â She tells you gently, and you have absolutely no reaction to this. She knew you wouldnât, but she also knew that you needed to open up before you bottled everything up and it became too much. So, she set the soup down on your bedside table, sighed, then sat on the edge of your bed.
You didnât move an inch.
âI know you went through a lot. And we donât have to talk about everything. But we bottled up the Red Room, and that didnât get us anywhere.â She tells you, and you donât even so much as blink at the mention of the Red Room. This is a little shocking, so Natasha takes a deep breath, then pulls what she has been hiding in her waistband out. You donât look over, and Natasha starts talking. âYou dropped this when you came back. None of us can figure out what it is. Not even Tony. And no one wants to touch it without you there.â You turn to face her, finally, and your eyes go wide.Â
Natasha is holding Mace Winduâs lightsaber, the one you picked up and used to defend yourself from Palpatine. You must have clutched it all the way back to Obi-Wanâs, not even noticing between Obi-Wanâs revelation and your knowledge that could change the galaxy.Â
âThat is a lightsaber." You whisper, eyes glued to the device. You take it out of her hand, holding it gingerly. Itâs a relic from the place you felt at home. It brings you pain, but it also brings you a sense of familiarness.Â
You look into Natashaâs eyes, and then you tell her everything.Â
You recount the way you had arrived, the way Obi-Wan hadnât judged you and instead took you in. You tell her about how different their galaxy was, about how they taught you how to fit in, to wear their clothing and do your hair like them and what the Jedi were and how they had a Senate for their government and the war they were fighting in against the Separatists. You explain your cover, and how different but the same their politics were. And then, you canât hold it off anymore. You have to explain how you fell in love with a Jedi.
âYou just said the Jedi donât have attachments.â Natasha says, and you would smack her across the face for being so stupid. You know sheâs smarter than this.Â
âDifferent how?â She leans forward, and your throat closes with emotion.Â
âDifferent because it was so slow. He taught me how to wield his lightsaber. He made time for me during his day, even though he was on the Council.â This is going to go right over her head, you know it will, and you press your lips together to try and keep it in. âI stayed in his rooms. Not always in his bed, but on his couch, or him on the couch. And when I moved to Anakinâs so we wouldnât get caught, there were still times when I would stay over at his place.â You remember the night when the two of you fell asleep on his couch together, when you were teaching him about your world. You would give anything to be back there, which scares you slightly because this place is supposed to be your home.
Their galaxy is in the middle of a war, and you are thrown in the epicenter of the shitshow, but you would still prefer to be there. And maybe that makes you selfish, because you would rather be in a galaxy currently falling apart than helping a universe rebuild the mess youâve made, but you deserve to be selfish. Your whole life, youâve been used and abused by men in power, and for once you want to take them down instead of living in their destructive wake.Â
âHe brought me to a planet that resembled Earth because I was homesick. He got hurt, and I had to fix him up, and thatâs why he taught me how to wield his lightsaber.â You swear you can feel the ghost of his fingers against your arm, the way he stood behind you. âPalpatine, the Chancellor of the Galactic Senate, somehow found out about this. He had video evidence, he knew I wasnât from the galaxy. He told me he could help me win, but I would have to work with him. And if I refused, he would show the Jedi Council his footage, and blow my cover. I couldnât risk Obi-Wan,â You cut yourself off, looking at Natasha, and you can tell she understands completely, even if sheâs confused about the rules.
If it had just been you, you would have tried to take him out. No harm, no foul if you fail. Either way, youâre no longer under a manâs thumb. But with Obi-Wan in the mix, you once again were forced to bend to the will of a man in power.Â
There is no getting everyone in this universe back, and there is no saving everyone in the other galaxy. You have failed, in every sense of the word.Â
Natasha is talking, but youâre not listening. Youâre replaying every moment with Obi-Wan, wishing you had talked first instead of him. If only you had caught your breath, if only you were in Red Room shape.Â
And suddenly, you know exactly what youâre going to do with your time.
Youâre in the training room for a straight month before Bucky finally comes in.Â
You werenât sure when you were expecting him to come see you, but it wasnât a month after you got back. If you had to guess, it would have been at least a couple more months. You knew you had hurt him, that it had been only weeks to him where you had left and fell in love with a different man, fell harder than you ever imagined was possible and clearly more in love than you had been with Bucky. He was hurting, and he had every right to be.Â
âYour form is sloping.â Bucky says as you breathe heavily and move off the punching bag. You had been spending a lot of time with your wraps, punching the shit out of the bag and imagining it was Palpatineâs stupid body. You did some weight training, a little cardio, and a lot of training on the bag. But what you spent most of your time doing was in your gym bag, tucked away where no one could see so they wouldnât know.
âIâm just tired.â You said, and that was part of the reason you were working so hard. You were exhausted, not being able to sleep, but you had to get your endurance up.Â
âYou could rest.â He says, but he understands exactly what youâre doing. The two of you share a look. It breaks your heart just a little that the two of you can still understand each other after all this time, that even if it hasnât been a lot of time for him, youâve changed so much. But through it all, you and Bucky can still read each other.Â
Itâs silent in the room, and you watch Bucky stare at one spot on the wall. You know what he came in here to talk about, but you wait until he starts the conversation.Â
âDid you love me?â He asks quietly, and your heart shatters for him.Â
âOf course I did.â You whisper, not able to move. You can see why he would think differently; the spell had taken you as far as possible from him, and you came back much more torn apart over a man than you had ever been over Bucky.Â
âI need you to tell me what happened.â He finally looks at you, and you feel yourself cave. Part of you still loves him, will always love him, but itâs a different kind of love. Itâs a caring love, because Bucky means so much to you. But you donât love him even a fraction of the way you love Obi-Wan.Â
âBucky, I donât want to hurt you.â You tell him, because itâs true. If you tell him what he thinks he wants to hear, it can only hurt.Â
âYouâve changed, and I just want to understand why.â He cares so much, you donât want to do this to him.Â
âThe spell took me to my true love. I still love you, Bucky, but itâs a different kind of love.â You try, but he shakes his head, biting his bottom lip and looking away.Â
âBut it took me to my true love. It brought me back.â He says, and your lips part as you realize exactly what heâs been grappling with this whole time. He thinks you are his true love, but heâs not yourâs.Â
âThatâs not what happened.â You say, but you honestly have no idea because you donât like talking about the spell. If it canât send you back, thereâs no point. It canât save your friends, so why would you care?Â
âYes it is!â Bucky argues, not raising his voice but putting more emotion into his tone. You shake your head and start to unwrap your hands, walking over to your bag. âIf you werenât my true love, then why would I come back here? Thereâs no reason for me to be here. I should have stayed dusted, I-â
âDonât say that!â You seethe, whipping around to look at him. You hit your gym bag as you do, and it falls to the ground. Bucky looks down, then does a double take as you continue talking. âYou are here for a reason, Bucky. Iâm sorry we didnât work out, but we were never going to anyway. You and I are too similar. We are two sides of the same coin and it would not work in the long run. We are too broken. But we donât have to be.â You feel emotion in your chest, but Bucky still isnât looking at you. Heâs looking at the ground. You finally follow his gaze to see what heâs looking at, and the room stills.
Your ballet shoes have fallen out of your bag.Â
Bucky knows a lot about the Red Room. He spent some time there as the Winter Soldier, very briefly, but you also have talked to him about it. He knows what it means that youâve brought the shoes out, that theyâre tucked away in your bag waiting for everyone to go to sleep.Â
âWhy do you have those?â He asks, his words almost silent. But you hear them, even over the blood rushing through your ears.Â
âItâs just practice.â You rush to put them away, setting your bag down better so it doesnât fall again.Â
âItâs never just practice.â Bucky paces over to you, and you want to close your eyes but you know that would make it worse so you just stare at him. âWhat do you think youâre doing?â
âIâm coping!â You yell, finally over it all. âI am coping in the only way I know how, because I lost the love of my life and I can never get him back.â You cry, trying not to let the tears welling in your eyes fall down your face.Â
âI understand.â Bucky nods and steps back, and you deflate as you realize heâs just going to leave. He is done fighting. âBut I also lost the love of my life.â The room is silent, your heart shattering.Â
Bucky doesnât realize it, but he has just made everything so, so much worse.Â
Because now, you know thereâs no way to save everyone from your ruin. Everything you touch breaks. You are a liability.Â
When Bucky leaves, you immediately feel in your bag and make sure the other thing didnât fall out. Youâre thankful, because if he had found it, then he would have known how truly wrecked you are.Â
In your bag, tucked away for only the dead of night when no one would come in even if they were awake, is Mace Winduâs lightsaber. Youâve been practicing with it, because you will be going back. And when you do, youâre going to be prepared to take down Palpatine.
Which is how you find yourself at Tonyâs new house, a year after you had come back, unable to take it. When he opens the door, itâs dark outside, and youâre holding a single bag. You have purple bags underneath your eyes, and you look strong but so, so exhausted and sagging.Â
âWhatâs going on?â He asks, and you donât even know where to begin.Â
âI have to go back.â You whisper, voice cracking, and Tony understands. You canât let this go, and you canât move on. But he canât help you, at least not right now.Â
âPepper is pregnant.â He says, and you blink. The team did not know about this - they would have told you. You are the first one heâs told.Â
âI just want you to help me. Everyone else can wait.â You beg, and Tony sighs. Youâre asking a lot right now, you know you are, but you canât figure out how to travel between dimensions by yourself.Â
âI donât know that I would want everything else.â Tony admits, and you almost breathe out a sigh of relief.Â
âI just told you I want you to permanently send me to another dimension.â You try to offer a smile, but you know it comes out crooked. âI donât want everything else. Not anymore.â You cannot focus on saving everyone else in a dimension where theyâre already gone. But Obi-Wanâs galaxy is not too late. You could help the galaxy, if only you could get there. You canât do anything but train on Earth, watching as buildings slowly crumble from people just simply not caring, or not enough people being able to.Â
âI canât promise we will get you there.â Tony says, but he moves out of the doorway to let you into his home. âBut Iâll try.â And thatâs all you really need. Some hope.Â
But your hope runs out quickly when five months later, youâre no closer to getting back to the galaxy you want to be in, and Pepper has the baby. Tony is suddenly very busy, which is understandable, but youâre now figuring out interdimensional travel on your own. And itâs not easy.
You babysit Tonyâs daughter Morgan, watching as she grows. You try to meet up every month with Steve and Natasha, the only ones who still live in New York, but you feel like you canât tell them about your plan to go back to the Galactic Senate, so thereâs a hole in your relationship that you just canât fill.Â
The world keeps spinning, and you get nowhere with your progress, until three years after you were sent back, when Scott Lang shows up at the Avengers Compound.Â
You leave without telling Tony, because you know this is the key youâve been missing to get back where you belong. It has to be.Â
And it is a key. But it isnât the key you need. Itâs the key for Tony to figure out time travel.Â
Your heart cracks open that night.Â
You lay alone in your room, everyone knowing that you need time to take this in. Tony is going to tell the team tomorrow about his discovery, but he told you first, knowing you needed to hear it from him.Â
âThere is a way to time travel.â Tony confirms, standing in the entrance to the kitchen. You were up baking, something you did when you had too much energy but Tony locked the gym because he wasnât letting you kill yourself with training. You pause, not looking up from the batter but freezing with your muscles pulled tight. âAnd I figured it out.â He tells you what you already know, and you feel like you canât breathe.Â
âAnd thereâs still no way,â You cut yourself off, closing your eyes and trying not to think about the place you never dared to go. You were giving up on your dream of going back to Obi-Wan, your true home even if it wasnât where you were from.Â
âNo.â Itâs such a simple word, but it cracks your heart into pieces. All you want most in this world is to go to Obi-Wan, to be with him. And there is no way to get you there. âThere technically is a way, but we donât have the amount of PYM Particles needed. You would need more than we even have available to travel to the signature we traced from the lightsaber, and with Hank Pym gone, we canât make more.â Your heart splinters, but in an unfamiliar way this time. It begins to race, and a lump forms in your throat as you look up, watching Tony stare at you intently.
âSo thereâs a chance?â You ask, traitorous hope filling your body. You want to tamp it down, to not let it fill you just to break you all over again, but you arenât strong enough. You can already feel it in your veins; the possibility of being able to hold Obi-Wan again, to be held by him.Â
âPossibily. But weâd have to bring everyone back to do it.â You would have agreed anyway, but now you canât fail. You will bring everyone home, and then you can finally go home.
You agree to help the Avengers, to team up one last time. You canât change the past, but you can get the stones from the past to bring everyone back in the present. You join Tony, Steve, Scott and Bruce, going with Bruce to get the time stone. Itâs a horrifying battle, and youâre sure Tony and Steve are lost. You throw yourself into Tonyâs arms when everyone appears back at the compound. Youâve become so close with him, having lived with him for years now and seen him grow as a dad. You couldnât imagine Morgan having to live without her father, having to bring everyone back just to explain to them that the one person who saved them didnât make it. Only when youâre separating do you realize the quietness.Â
Natasha is gone.Â
You push through, but youâre numb. Youâve lost everything, it feels like. Natasha was there for you when you came out of the Red Room, when you were on the run from the government, when the universe lost, and even when you came back from a different galaxy. Natasha has always been there. But you push through, because you have to and because youâre so close now, you canât let her sacrifice be in vain. When Bruce snaps, you donât even get to know if you were able to bring everyone back because the Compound is attacked.Â
You push forward, and you could cry in relief when everyone that had been snapped five years ago (eight for you) show up, ready to fight.Â
When Thanos gets the stones back, you know you canât let him use them. You canât let him take everything youâve worked so hard for away from you. You run toward him, but he swipes you aside with the flick of his wrist. Youâre knocked out, but itâs enough to get Tony in to get the stones himself, to get rid of Thanos and his army.Â
Steve is shaking you, and when you finally open your eyes thereâs destruction everywhere. His eyes are watery, and everyone seems quiet. You look over his shoulder to see Tony, slumped against the wreckage and unmoving. Pepper is crying over him, and everyone is kneeling.Â
Itâs all too much. You turn to the side and throw up, and then pass out again.Â
Days later you finally emerge from your room, which Steve had brought you to. You eat a couple bites of food, all you can stomach, and then head out to Tonyâs memorial. Itâs hard to see everyone back, but Pepper looks good, and Morgan is alright.Â
âHe wanted you to have this.â Pepper hands you a piece of paper after the memorial, and you frown. You had been in the room when they played his message, and he hadnât said anything directly to you. You hadnât been expecting him to, but youâre wondering now what this paper could have.Â
You find a bench and sit at, away from the people, and open up the paper. You read it quickly and almost drop it as you begin to shake.Â
Tony has detailed everything you need to do to get back to Obi-Wan. He had figured it out, and now itâs right here, in writing, for you. You almost cry, but catch yourself as you read the very end.Â
I know how much you love Obi-Wan. I can see how much you miss him. But you need to know that if you do this, there is no coming back. The amount of Pym Particles needed means you cannot carry extra for a round trip. And the energy you need⊠we donât know if youâd be able to get it in that galaxy. Which means you will be stuck there for good.Â
I donât want you to leave, but I know how unhappy you are here. Which is why Iâm providing you with the choice.
You donât know what you thought would happen if you were able to go back to Coruscant. Of course, you could never live in both worlds, but you hadnât thought about the fact that you would never be able to come back to Earth.Â
Even still, you knew exactly what you were choosing.Â
Steve went on his mission before you were able to go back.Â
You werenât upset. You knew how important his job was, and you knew he would need as many Pym Particles as Hank could make right now. You would just have to wait, which was fine.Â
And then he went and stayed with Peggy, completely blowing past his time and leaving everyone behind.
It was hard to watch, to say the least. Buckyâs face was set, but you knew his heart was breaking, having his best friend leave him. You hadnât talked much to him in the past couple years, but you still had love for him. You knew how he must feel, having yet another person choose themselves over him when heâs given so much.Â
Suddenly, you were unsure of what to do. You had been so ready to go, but watching Bucky as he stared at Steve and Sam, you were torn. Could you really leave him, when he needed people in his life? Could you leave any of your friends when you had just taken such a big blow, and you needed to help rebuild your lives and others?
That night, Bucky had stayed at Tonyâs house with you and Pepper in one of the guest rooms. You crept to his room, knocking quietly on the door so you wouldnât startle him before you opened it. He was laying on his back on the bed, the covers unrumbled over his body and staring at the ceiling.Â
âWhat are you doing?â He asks quietly as you close the door, and you feel a lump form in your throat.Â
âI wanted to check on you.â You admit, even though it feels stupid. You walk in, unsure where to go. Bucky turns only his head to look at you, and you notice heâs been crying.Â
âWhy now?â He asks, and your heart breaks. You walk to the bed, and he moves over, turning onto his side. You hesitate for just a moment before you slide into bed next to him, the two of you facing each other. You stare at him, the way you used to eight years ago.Â
Eight years ago. You are a completely different person now. Before, you and Bucky could at least relate to each other, but now youâve been through things no one else understands. You are in love with someone you havenât seen in five years, that no one here has ever met or will ever meet. And your true home, the place you feel you belong, is a galaxy far, far away.Â
âBecause I know what today must have felt like. And I donât want to leave you alone.â You admit, and Bucky sighs, his mask barely slipping for a moment for you to see his heartbreak.Â
âI am not going to be the reason you donât go back home.â He tells you, and youâre taken aback. You do think of Coruscant as your home, of Obi-Wan as your home, but you have never admitted this to anyone on Earth. You didnât want to hurt your friends on here, especially when everyone was already hurting.Â
âBucky, I have no idea what could be going on there. But here, Iâm needed. You need me, Morgan needs me. The world needs me to help them rebuild.â You explain, and Bucky shakes his head, frowning.Â
âThey need you too.â He tells you, and as much as you would love to argue you know itâs true. If Bruce can follow Tonyâs instructions, you can get back right where you left, meaning that you can still warn them. Youâve been thinking about it for the past five years, and you remember everything Palpatine was going to do.Â
But youâre also leaving Bucky, and you truly donât know if he can move on from where you leave him.
âI cannot choose something so selfish.â You are just making excuses now, and Bucky knows it. âYou need me right now, so I can at least wait it out.â Youâre not sure if you should reach for him or not, so you just stare at him in the low light, blinking slowly.Â
âItâs not selfish.â He tells you, and he reaches out, taking your hand. It feels nice, and you donât flinch at the contact for perhaps one of the first times since you came back. âYouâre giving up everything on Earth. And you may not like it as much here, but I know you donât want to give it all up. But youâre doing it for your friends, for Obi-Wan.â Your eyes water, because this is what you needed. After losing Natasha and Tony, and now Steve leaving, you were so unsure of yourself. You needed someone to tell you it was okay to leave, to give you permission and forgive you for it.Â
âWhat if you guys need me?â You ask, tears in your eyes. Youâre leaving Earth, and this time for good. Itâs scary, even if youâre ready to see Obi-Wan again.Â
âY/N,â Bucky starts, squeezing your hand. âWe had you for five years. You saved this universe. Now another galaxy needs you.â You break down crying, knowing that this is the last time you and Bucky will share a moment like this. This will be in each otherâs presence alone.Â
This is your goodbye, and you didnât know how much you needed one until now.Â
You braided your hair back, knowing that you could very well be walking into a fight. It had been five years, and you had no idea where you would pop up. Bruce had assured you that you would be close to where you had left, but there was no way to know, especially with Tony gone.Â
âAre you ready?â Bruce asked, standing by the control center. Just two days ago, everyone had stood and waited for Steve to come back, not knowing he was living another life for years. Now, you had said your goodbyes, had your last night on Earth, and wore the outfit you came in, lightsaber hidden in your cape. Bucky, Sam, and Pepper were waiting around the large contraption, tears in their eyes.
âReady.â You said, heart racing.Â
âIf everything goes according to plan, you will be dropped off exactly where you left.â Bruce tells you, and you nod, unable to look at anyone. âThis also will be the last time we see you.â His voice catches, and you close your eyes momentarily. You donât want to leave your friends, but you have to do this.Â
âThank you guys.â You say to everyone, knowing thereâs so many more words left but none you can grasp at the moment. âI love you all.â You watch as they all nod, trying to stay strong, and then Bruce starts his countdown.Â
â3, 2, 1.â He pulls the lever, and you take one last look at Earth before you're pulled away.Â
Itâs a quick ride to Coruscant, not as fast as it was to travel in your own galaxy, but still not as slow as you were imagining. When you finally make it to Coruscant, youâre almost pulled off balance. Youâre in Obi-Wanâs quarters, exactly where you left. Your mouth drops open; itâs exactly how you dreamed for the past five years. You turn, but itâs too quiet. Obi-Wan isnât here.Â
You have no idea what time youâve been dropped into.
You pray that you were dropped close to the time you were ripped away, and you unhook your belt of used Pym Particles. You have to find Obi-Wan, as fast as you can, before Palpatine can do anything.Â
Running out of the room, you take the lightsaber and hold it in your hand to drop your cape, losing the extra weight. You need to make it to him, need to find him -Â
Of course, Palpatineâs soldiers are waiting right there, staring at you. Youâre frozen, but only for a moment. You press the button on the lightsaber, and itâs clear the soldiers werenât expecting it. You begin to fight, what youâve been training for, and you feel bad as you slay them on your blade. This is too important, however, and you canât let your feelings get involved.Â
By the end of the fight youâre breathing heavily, and you put your lightsaber away. Youâre about to start running again when a horrible feeling, like fire and ice together in your veins, hits you, and you fall to the ground, unconscious. This is what you thought had happened five years ago, what you had wished for then but prayed against now.
Palpatine has found you.Â
When you wake up, youâve noticed youâre pinned down. Youâve woken up like this before, but itâs been years. Youâre disoriented a little, confused until you remember you went back to Coruscant. Back to Obi-Wan.Â
But this is not the galaxy you remember. Itâs hot here, hotter than it had ever been on Coruscant. You have no idea where you are, but youâve trained for most of your life for things like this. You know you need to stay calm to find a way out.Â
Just as you start to wiggle, a hologram of Palpatine, now with his cape pulled over his head as Darth Sideous, starts playing.Â
âY/N, you have made a mistake coming back. You should have stayed wherever you came from.â Palpatine starts, and you just stay quiet, taking in the contraption youâve been placed in. Youâre laying almost completely vertical, but your hands, legs, and torso are strapped in place. These restraints are tough, unlike any youâve ever experienced, and try as you might youâre starting to doubt that you can just wiggle out.Â
âI know you wonât tell us the information that is needed, so weâre going to go straight to torture. And if that doesnât work, weâll have no use for you.â Your heart starts to race, because the whole reason you came back was to see Obi-Wan again. To save your friends. You canât do that if youâre dead. âThink about it. Iâm sure Iâll see you soon.â He taunts, and then heâs off. You begin to struggle the second the hologram cuts out, seeing if there are any weak spots you can pinpoint. When this fails, you take a breath to steady yourself, then close your eyes and begin to pray.Â
This idea is stupid. Itâs monumentally idiotic, but you have to try. You cannot get through this without exhausting all your resources.Â
So, you stretch one hand out, and you try to use the Force.Â
You focus on everything around you instead of the horrific embarrassment you feel. Youâve never been able to use the Force, you donât even know where to start, but you have to try to get out of here.
âAre you ready to tell us what you know?â A familiar voice fills your ears, and when you open your eyes you could cry. Cody is standing with two clones, but something is wrong. Their guns are pointed toward you.Â
You stay silent, trying to understand what could have caused Cody to betray the Republic. You keep your breathing even, one hand still trying to reach out and undo the clasps via the Force. But youâre not feeling anything. This isnât working.Â
âCody,â You whisper, because you are desperate. You and Cody had become somewhat friends after the misunderstanding about you hurting Obi-Wan on Corellia, and this is just another betrayal you feel you deserve for letting the galaxy down. For a heart breaking second, nothing happens. Then, Cody turns and quickly shoots the two clones, who fall before they even know whatâs happening. Youâre frozen in shock, unable to even speak as Cody turns to you, puts his gun away and comes to your aide.Â
âCody,â He turns, and your heart aches. You know, even without him having to take off his helmet, that he feels the same emotions. âI had it handled.â You say, even though this was the first time in your life that you had been pinned down with no idea of how to get out.Â
âSure you did.â Cody says fondly, and then the two of you are off.
The last couple hours have been far too strenuous. Heâs never felt more alone, and he closes his eyes as he tries to block out the memories from just a couple moments ago. He thinks if he laid down now, he would never wake back up again. And maybe that wouldnât be a bad thing.
As he backs against the wall, he can hear the thud of Anakin's footsteps. How is he going to explain this to Anakin? How can he even bear it? Does Anakin even want to hear it from him? Maybe, after all he's been through today, he should just let Anakin do what he most likely came for.
âObi!â His knees buckle as your voice envelopes him, because of course it's you. He flinches as you wrap your arms around him, and he wishes you would do it quickly.
âYouâre not real.â He says, because this canât kill him but heâs convinced that you are sent back as some final test that he doesnât care about passing. Nothing matters, not anymore.
âWhat?â Youâre not understanding him, but thereâs no time for that. âWhat's wrong? Whereâs Anakin, Obi-Wan?â You sound actually concerned, and when he looks up you've aged. Not just in the way that a day like today ages someone, but actually aged. Your hair is different and your mouth is more hard set and you are older.
âObi-Wan, what are you talking about? Whereâs Anakin?â The question is a dagger in his heart, but it won't do the job and just kill him. Itâs torture in the worst form.
âYouâre real,â He finally acknowledges, and you nod as he tries to somehow back away from you.Â
âObi-Wan, I came back for you. I wanted to warn you, but Palpatine-â
âNo!â He yells, and your heart sinks. He is well and truly upset. âNo, you need to get away from me!â He can't still be mad, right? He had confessed his love! It's what sent you back in the first place.
âWhat?â It's all you can say, because you can't get away from him. You cannot leave Obi-Wan.
âWe can't be together.â His words split you in two, and you think you may actually throw up. This is what real heartbreak feels like. You thought you'd experienced it before, but you were wrong. So wrong. Your chest is splitting open, your body caving in.
âWhy?â Tears are making their way down your cheeks without your permission as Obi-Wan stares at you with red-rimmed eyes. You donât know where Anakin is, but Obi-Wanâs refusal to answer your question doesnât make you hopeful. Your friends, that you came all this way to save, are dead. Obi-Wan is all thatâs left, and heâs pushing you away.Â
âBecause this is all my fault. I killed the Jedi.â
BOOK 2: CHASE THE LIGHT - COMING 2026
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When the Chancellor is kidnapped, youâre ashamed to admit you donât feel bad.
Youâre sure this will be bad for the war. But the war is so close to being over, and youâre more upset that you were unable to see Obi-Wan since he was close on Greviousâ tail. They were fighting right above Coruscant, and you hated to think about the fact that at any given moment he could be lying dead somewhere.Â
He had called you one more time, but like he had explained before, it was difficult to find reasons to be alone, for a clone to be covering for them.Â
âThe longer this war goes on, the more conflicted I am about my place in the galaxy.â He told you one night. You were pleasantly surprised when the hologram lit up in the middle of cooking dinner, and you immediately left it all out and turned off the heat in favor of talking to the Jedi.Â
âWell, whatever it is, you know you have me.â Your heart beats a little quicker when you admit it, but he smiles softly.Â
âYes, itâs nice to have a friend like you.â He said, and you could tell he wanted to reach out, to hold you, and you wanted to as well. But your hands stay at your sides, because Obi-Wan is not actually here.
âI feel like I havenât thanked you enough for all youâve done for me. Without you, I would have probably been thrown in jail as a spy for the Separatists. And youâve taught me how to fit in. I feel like this is my home now.â You admit, and itâs the first time youâve said something like that outloud. Obi-Wan nods, taking in your words.Â
âIâm glad you feel that this is your home now. I can only hope to protect it for you.â His words make your heart flutter for days after your talk, until he finally comes back from rescuing the Chancellor.Â
You couldnât fight a smile when Obi-Wan stepped out of the transport, following Anakin to the meeting of Senators. Chancellor Palpatine spoke, but you were buzzing to talk to Obi-Wan. Luckily he went straight to you as soon as everyone dispersed, the two of you falling behind the group for some privacy.Â
âHow have you been?â Obi-Wan asks, and you almost laugh at the absurdity of his question when there are so many more important things to talk about.Â
âI missed you.â You say quietly, leaning in close. He does the same, the two of you walking slowly with your bodies practically melting together.
âAs did I.â He tells you, and you finally look up at him. He doesnât seem to be hurt from battle, but you can tell heâs exhausted. While you want to hear all about what happened, you also want to make sure he gets some good sleep.Â
âI made soup. Why donât we go back home and eat it?â You offer, and you can see the blush on his cheeks. You tilt your head in question, but he doesnât say anything.
âPlease donât tell anyone.â Anakin says, and you pull apart from your friend.Â
âWe wonât.â You turn to Obi-Wan, who is staring at you, but he nods. âWeâll leave you alone, now. Congratulations.â As soon as you turn away, your smile falls, and a pounding headache fills your head. Gone is the lightness that flooded your body from Obi-Wanâs return, instead replaced with a hollow pain that guts your insides.
âThis is not good.â Obi-Wan says, but you donât say a word back. You ride back with Obi-Wan to the Jedi Temple in silence, unable to speak and Obi-Wan not knowing what to say.Â
âHave a good meeting.â You tell him, wanting to get to his rooms as fast as you possibly can.Â
âHang on,â Obi-Wan is following you, going the opposite way of where the council is located, and you wish he would just turn around and leave. âYouâre acting strange.âÂ
âThese are strange times. And you havenât been back in ages.â You tell him, knowing itâs unfair but wanting to drive him away. You make it to Obi-Wanâs quarters, quickly opening up the door.
âIâm fine.â Obi-Wan canât have attachments, so he may understand. But itâs a choice, and he can always change his mind.Â
âYouâre not.â Obi-Wan walks closer, and you try not to be mad at him. Youâre not mad at PadmĂȘ either, but itâs hard to see someone live a life that you didnât know you wanted until now.Â
âObi-Wan, I donât want to talk right now.â You try to tell him, but he isnât having it. âYou need to go to your meeting.â
âI told you I donât want to talk.â Youâre trying to push him away, but he is not having it.Â
âYou canât shut me out-â
âThis has nothing to do with you. Just go do whatever Jedi shit they want you to do.â You want to physically push him, but instead you turn away, breathing deeply. You should just open up to him; you know heâll understand. But youâve never opened up to anyone about this. You didnât even talk to the other Widows about this.
âYou donât have to tell me right now, but know that I am here.â His words anger you more, and you have to close your eyes to stop yourself from just shouting out all of your baggage. Instead, you take a deep breath, turn around, and look into Obi-Wanâs clear blue eyes. He could have left - he is supposed to be reporting to the Jedi Council as soon as he gets back to Coruscant. But he got off the transport to see you, and then he followed you back to his rooms to make sure youâre okay.
âWhat do you mean?â Obi-Wan asks softly, and you shake your head, trying not to scoff.Â
âThe graduation ceremony for the Red Room is where they take out all of our reproductive organs. Not a corrective, reversible procedure, but a complete evacuation. And I had no choice in this. By the time I graduated, I was already under mind control. And now, I couldnât have a family even if that was the thing I wanted most in the world.â You shrug, as if the tears coming out of your eyes are no big deal. You turn away from him, wiping your tears and praying that someone calls him for this meeting now.
âI-Iâm so sorry.â Obi-Wan says, and you can tell heâs shocked by this. Everyone always is, no matter how much it made sense in the Red room.Â
âIâm fine. Iâve come to terms with it. Iâm just upset right now.â You say, sniffling and still looking away. Youâre not paying attention when suddenly you're enveloped in a hug, one youâve been waiting to have since he left.Â
You immediately throw your arms around him, and suddenly it all comes out. Every emotion from the Red Room youâve been trying to push down flows out of you like a dam bursting, and you sob into Obi-Wan as he rubs your back, holding you close.Â
âEverything you have had to go through was unfair. And it made you who you are, but it doesnât mean that it was supposed to happen to you. You did not deserve any of it.â As if you didnât already have enough to cry over, Obi-Wan whispers the words youâve always needed to hear into your ear, and you feel like you can breathe for the first time in your entire life.Â
You didnât need the Red Room to be where you were in life, but because of the Red Room, because of your place in knowing the Avengers, you met Obi-Wan. And it isnât fair that you were subjected to torture at a young age, and it doesnât make it right, but you can at least look at the silver lining.Â
Words are bubbling on your tongue, so strong you have to bite it to keep them inside. Thereâs been too many admissions for today, thereâs no need for another one. You can wait until Obi-Wan and you have had a talk.
âAnakin is now on the Council.â Obi-Wan tells you one night when youâre laying in bed. The two of you have been sharing his bed since he came back, and it feels like his chest was made for your head to lay on. His arm is around you, and you have a leg thrown over his thighs.Â
But you still havenât talked.Â
âSo he is a Master.â You gather, but you feel Obi-Wan shake his head.Â
âNo. Chancellor Palpatine put him on the Council. We allowed this because we have another mission for him.â Obi-Wan should not be telling you these things, you know this, but he also has to tell someone.Â
âWhat have you asked of him?â You question, tracing your fingers along his shirt.Â
âThe Council would like him to spy on the Chancellor.â You donât know how to take this news; on one hand, he needs to be put in check. But on the other hand, youâre not sure if Anakin is the right person for this.Â
âAnakinâs relationship with Palpatine,â You start, and Obi-Wan tightens his grip on your hip. You can feel the conflict in him, and you wonder if he is unused to this emotion.
âI know. Iâm worried he has too many attachments, that he doesnât know how to distance himself the way Jedi are supposed to.â Obi-Wanâs words pierce your heart, and you almost flinch.Â
âIt is possible.â Obi-Wan shifts so that heâs laying on his side, facing you, and you lay on your side to look at him. He puts a hand around your waist and across your back, your legs entangled. You have your hand in the loose collar of his shirt, playing with it between your fingers. âIf Palpatine has placed you and Anakin in different sections of government, then we have to think about the possibility that he could be working for the Separatists.â He whispers it, and you close your eyes at the thought. The thought of the person at the highest power possible in your government is working for the other side during war - itâs almost unthinkable.Â
âWe have to have faith that Anakin will take his mission seriously.â You say softly, opening your eyes to see Obi-Wan staring at you. âAnd if he doesnât, we have to be ready for whatever Palpatine may be planning.â You donât even want to think about how youâre being used in a pawn in this war when Obi-Wan is helping end it.Â
âWe will be.â He mutters, and then he pulls you close and kisses your forehead. Your cheeks heat, and you let yourself be pulled closer to him, the way you do every night, and you feel at least a little bit at peace having him there with you.Â
You know youâll eventually talk. But for now, you can settle for falling asleep against him.
As soon as Mace Windu tells Anakin that he cannot lead the mission on Upatu, Obi-Wan knows that he will be nominated to go. His first thought is that he canât go, he canât leave you here when this could be the end of the war. And if he dies, after all of this, everything heâs done to secure your futureâŠ
âI vote that Master Fisto goes.â Obi-Wan speaks before anyone is even done talking, shocking the whole Council.Â
And then he realizes just how fucked he is.Â
Heâs grown an attachment to you. He has done what he swore not to do. And this is different than it was with Satine, because he didnât make decisions in the Council based on her. This is bad.Â
The Council agrees that Master Fisto should go to Upatu, and then the meeting is dismissed, and Obi-Wan has no idea where to go. He canât go home, because youâre there. And he canât see you until he figures out what exactly heâs going to do about this.Â
He goes to the gardens to meditate quietly, and more importantly alone. No one can know about this, for more reasons than just the fact that he needs to protect you.Â
He meditates for the rest of the day, and he still doesnât know exactly what to do. But he does know that he cannot continue the way your relationship is heading.
âWhatâs wrong?â You ask the second he opens the door, and he knows that even if you arenât a Jedi, you must be sensitive to the Force in the way that everyone in the galaxy is. It just confirms that you are meant to be in this galaxy, in his galaxy, and he doesnât want to think too hard about it.Â
âWe need to talk.â He tells you, and you put down the mug you had been washing.Â
âYes, we do.â You answer, walking over to him, and heâs not sure how you know about what heâs thinking.
âWe canât continue like this.â He watches your face twitch, just slightly, and he realizes that you had a very different idea of what this conversation would be about.
Your whole world shatters right in front of you as Obi-Wan speaks, and you struggle to find words. This seemingly came out of nowhere; it was only last night that you had been sleeping in the same bed, when he had kissed your forehead and the two of you cuddled all night.Â
âContinue like what?â You ask, trying to be very clear in what exactly Obi-Wan is telling you.Â
âYou know what I mean.â Obi-Wan moves to the side of the couch, leaning on it, like this is a difficult conversation for him. You want to rip him apart for acting like this hurts him.Â
âIâm just confused, because this whole week youâve been acting like we were going to have a conversation about being in a relationship, even if you wouldnât leave the Council, and now youâre - what? Deciding you canât handle falling asleep with someone every night?â You donât even know what to say, how to hit him where it hurts but somehow bring him closer. You are out of your depth.
âNo, Iâm trying to do what I have trained to do. Iâve let this go on for too long. Jedi are not allowed attachments, so it is best to break it off now.â You donât know if his words break your heart or fuel your fire more.Â
âRight, they arenât allowed attachments except when itâs convenient, right? Except when you want to? It was fine to be attached to me for two years, but sleeping in the same bed, thatâs the line. Because itâs not attachments, itâs relationships. But, oh wait! There was Satine, who you made an exception for. But not me, right? Because Iâm not from here?â You donât let Obi-Wan talk, but you can see his anger start to rise at your mention of his past lover. âOr is it because you think Iâm so broken that it doesnât matter? She can break a little more, because sheâs already been through so much. Is that it?âÂ
âDonât make me the villain here when you have known from the start that I was never going to be able to fall in love with you. Just because you are in love doesnât mean I have to be.âÂ
Your heart shatters on the ground.Â
âWho said anything about love?â You whisper, because your voice isnât strong enough to get out a sentence at a normal volume.Â
âYou compared yourself to Satine. You canât fault me for assuming.â He doesnât even take it back, and you almost slap him in the face. You want to turn away, to close your eyes as you think of what to say next, but that would show your cards, so you show nothing on your mask of a face. Your mind is racing, but thereâs only one answer that even makes sense in your brain.
âDid the Jedi find out about us?â You ask softly, and Obi-Wan almost squints at the outlandishness of your question.
âWhat?â His words are like a whip, but you continue.
âPalpatine told the Jedi about us. Thatâs why youâre doing this. Right?â You cannot stand to be wrong. You cannot stand the alternative, that he chose this on his own accord. That he somehow came to this conclusion in the few hours you were away.
âNo.â He says after a few moments, but youâre not convinced, not completely. If Palpatine has made his way to Obi-Wan, he would threaten you, threaten him, anyone who stood in his way. Obi-Wan could be lying to you, and you wouldnât know.
âYou never answered my question about attachments. When is it too much, Obi?â You shoot, and he shakes his head. Youâre trying to get any information you can now, hoping he gives you some inclination of what to do.
âNow. It is too much now, when I am making decisions and thinking of your well being instead of thinking of what is best for the Jedi, for the galaxy.â His admission causes you to freeze, and the two of you stare at each other, neither willing to break the silence but neither willing to look away.Â
âThatâs what love is.â You finally say, your voice so soft itâs almost unable to be heard. Obi-Wan looks like he could listen, like he wants to listen, but then he shakes his head and turns away, walking away from you. He might as well be taking your heart with him, because youâve all but admitted your love and he has all but denied his.Â
âThe Jedi do not have romantic relationships.â He finally says, facing away from you. You try to keep your composure, but you want to scream and choke out Obi-Wan at this point.Â
âAnakin does.â You pull out the only card you have, but clearly it is not a good one.Â
âAnd Anakin will suffer for it!â He turns, fire in his eyes, and you canât help the way you back away slightly. Obi-Wan notices this and his face falls before he sighs, running a hand down his face. âI am not made for romantic relationships.â He finally tells you, but you canât let him push you away like this.Â
âThen look me in the eyes and tell me you donât love me.â You havenât told him you love him, not out loud, but youâre not asking him to tell him he loves you. Youâre just asking him not to deny it. He looks at you, and itâs dead silent as he struggles with himself. You watch his blue eyes, waiting for him to put your heart back together.Â
âI donât love you.â He says, and you physically recoil back. âAt least not enough to break the code.â You have to hit him where it hurts. You take the only thing you can.Â
âIf youâre worried about me, you donât have to be. I am not Satine.â Your voice is shaking, and Obi-Wanâs eyes form an anger you have never seen.Â
âAnd that is exactly why I am not breaking the Code.â He shoots right back, and you have the urge to slap him. And you honestly would, if you didnât love him.Â
âI hope youâre happy with your choice.â You tell him, then walk out of the room.
Your head feels like itâs stuffed with cotton, and your chest feels opened up the second you close the door behind you. You stay with your back pressed against the door, because maybe if you stay there it isnât real. Maybe if you stay there you can get stuck in the in between.Â
Maybe if you stay there you can pretend that you didnât fall for Obi-Wan Kenobi, war general and Jedi Master, just to get your heart broken the way anyone could have guessed.Â
You decide then that you have to do the only thing you can - you have to find out if Palpatine was a part of this. Even if he is working for the other side, if there is a chance that he can fix this, youâll do anything. The thought slightly scares you as you walk to his office, but you donât have a choice. With the war winding up, you could be losing Obi-Wan right here. He could ask for an assignment elsewhere, now that thereâs no need to be on Coruscant, and then you would be stuck, alone, and you would hate it.Â
You donât even realize when you make it to his office, but you pause outside, taking a deep breath. Everything is about to change. Thereâs no telling if this will bring Obi-Wan back to you, back to your arms, but you have to try.Â
You open the door, ready to plead your case, when you see Anakin. You only have a moment to wonder what heâs doing when you see Master Windu as well, and thatâs when you notice the window has been broken.Â
A fight has already occurred here.Â
âThe Jedi are taking over.â Palpatine is laying against the wall, Master Widuâs light saber pointed threateningly at him. You walk slowly in, and realize you must have been right behind Anakin, who is looking conflicted between the Jedi and Palpatine.Â
âThe oppression of the Sith will never return.â Master Windu counters, holding steady in the broken window. âYou have lost.â You feel like it slams into you slowly, something you should have thought of. It should have been obvious, but you must be out of practice because you are blindsided as you watch Palpatine yell at Master Windu before shooting lightning out of his fingers.Â
Chancellor Palpatine is the Sith Lord.
Master Windu uses his lightsaber to hold back the lightning, but the wind from the broken glass is not in his favor. You have to come in now, because Anakin is just standing there, not doing anything.Â
âI have the power to save the one you love! You must choose.â Palpatine says to Anakin, and you grab his arm.
âAnakin, help Master Windu.â You say, as if itâs the most obvious thing in the world. Anakin snaps his head to you, eyes narrowing, as Palpatine begins to drain away. Maybe, if you can hold Anakin for long enough, Palpatine will kill himself. But no, Palpatine stops before he dies, and lays there, face disfigured from using so much power, and Master Windu is back on him.Â
âI am going to end this, once and for all.â Master Windu says, and you are thankful that this seems to be over.
âYou canât.â Anakin argues, and itâs your turn to snap your head to him. âHe must stand trial.â You almost slap Anakin, wondering what he must be thinking right now.Â
âAnakin, he has control of the entire government. It wouldnât be a fair trial, and he is far too dangerous to be left alive.â You need Palpatine to die, not only for you and Obi-Wan, but now for Anakin, who seems to be seduced by whatever power Palpatine has promised.
âIâm too weak. Oh. Donât kill me. Please.â Palpatine begs, and you wish you could just roll him off the side of the building. His begging is pathetic.Â
âItâs not the Jedi way.â Anakin tells you, and you shake your head. âHe must live.â Anakin is shouting over the wind, which is whipping your hair from how high up you are.Â
âPlease donât.â Palpatine begs once more, and you decided fuck the consequences. This man cannot live. Heâs too powerful, too dangerous.
âI need him.â Anakin says, and that seals it. You go to grab Anakinâs lightsaber, but youâre just a second too late; he has already unclipped it, pulling it back in one hand and using the Force to push you against the wall in the other. You hit it hard against your head, and you think you actually see stars as you slide down, far too close to the edge of the window for your liking. You canât tell much of whatâs happening, blinking to try to regain your senses, but you can see Anakin and Master Windu fighting, and then the lighting as Palpatine yells and kills Master Windu.Â
Everything happens far too quickly. Once youâre finally able to tell whatâs going on, You see Anakin on his knees, in front of Palpatine, and you sit up, a little too fast but you have no time to recover.Â
âI pledge myself⊠to your teachings.â Anakin promises, and you feel your heart constrict.Â
âNo!â You cry, trying to stand. But youâre sent back against the wall again, and this time you actually black out, the last thing you hear being Palpatineâs raspy murmurs.Â
When you finally are able to pull your eyes open, Anakin is no longer in the room. You can feel the blood falling down your neck, onto your pretty dress, but you have to push forward. Anakin could be dead, or worse.
âIâm sure youâre wondering why I didnât kill you while you were out.â Palpatine says from across the room, and you bite your tongue on every response you have.Â
âYouâre going to regret that, because it will have been the only chance you would have gotten.â You donât stand but you do move to a better position to get on your toes or move around.Â
âI assure you, there is still a chance for us to work together.â Palpatine offers, and you frown as he comes closer, reaching a hand out. He puts it on your chin, and youâre pulled to your knees, your neck strained as you try not to lash out too soon. âYou may not be strong in the Force, but you can be taught. And what better teacher than I?â You twitch out of his grasp, but he holds firm. You close your eyes, thinking of a plan. You have to get out of this, and that means you canât open your mouth or act too quickly. You pray to the Force, feeling stupid, but you need something. You need help.
When you open your eyes, you see Master Winduâs light saber sitting discarded on the ground, just out of arms reach.
âYou could make an incredible apprentice. And I know just how well you can listen.â You canât take it any more. You throw your body backwards to free a leg and kick Palpatine away, hoping to gain enough time. Just as Palpatine throws out lightning, you grab Master Winduâs lightsaber and ignite it, thankful for all your training and knowing exactly where the button you need to press is. You hold it out to protect yourself, and the full force of a Sith Lord hits you quickly. You stumble back, falling onto your bottom, but you hold the lightsaber strong, keeping the lightning from killing you.Â
You shake as the lightning is almost too much to bear with both hands clasped on the hilt, but you have to hold strong. If Anakin has fallen, the fate of the galaxy is literally up to you. No one else knows about Palpatine, and by the time he enacts his plan that reveals himself it will be too late.Â
Finally, after what feels like years, Palpatine is too weak to continue. He falls to the ground, and while you would like to do the same, you have to get to Obi-Wan. You have to tell him what has happened.Â
Youâre shaking as you stumble all the way back to his quarters, and you donât notice youâre crying until you begin to sniffle, and then it all hits you.Â
You are holding the light saber of a dead Jedi. And Anakin, whether dead or turned, is gone. You have no idea what the fate of the other Jedi will be. You have to get to Obi-Wan.Â
âYou may not be strong in the Force, but you can be taught. And what better teacher than I? You could make an incredible apprentice. And I know just how well you can listen.âÂ
The words ring in Obi-Wanâs ears as he comes out of the vision. He saw you and Palpatine, your chin in Palpatine's hands. Whatever power heâs seduced you with, however heâs done it, Obi-Wan has to undo it. Heâs sure this vision is of the future, because how could he have known that you had gone straight to the Chancellor after your fight?
He knows what he has to do, and he will do anything to set it right.
Heâs about to leave when you come bursting through the door. Youâre wearing a dark purple gown, the sleeves billowing with your speed. Your hair has grown over the three years youâve been on Coruscant, and now it is curly, a silver half moon hair piece stuck to the back of your head askew from when you had hit the wall. Blood has run down the side of your neck, but you seem to be paying no mind to it.Â
 And you have a lightsaber in your hand.Â
You have never looked more like someone from this galaxy, and the thought of you leaving him makes him want to double over in pain.Â
âObi, I have to tell you something,â You gasp, but Obi-Wan is right there, hands on your face bringing you in for a kiss.Â
This kiss is one unlike anything you've ever experienced. Itâs passionate and full of love, and with your free hand you grab his shoulder and pull him close. Your mouth is opening to let him in, and he has his hands in your hair, pulling you in like youâll disappear on the spot. And as much as you want this to continue, as much as you would love to kiss him forever, you have to tell him Palpatineâs plan.Â
âObi, I have to tell you,â Youâre still struggling to breathe, still shaking, so Obi-Wan takes your breath away, kissing you once more before pulling away.Â
âLet me go first.â He mutters, hands still on your face. You nod, because you can see the urgency in his blue eyes. âIâm sorry we fought. I lied to you. I am made for romantic relationships,â You feel time slow down as he speaks, as you both heave breaths against each other. âOnly with you. And youâre right, you are different from Satine.â This is not what you expected him to say, and you are speechless as he talks. He moves his hands to your waist to hold you close, and you push yourself against him as if this is the last time youâll ever be able to do it. âI do love you, Y/N. I love you more than I have ever experienced.â The admission makes your heart run wild, and you stare at him with your lips parted in shock. Obi-Wan takes this as the perfect opportunity to kiss you, and you let him for just a couple moments before you push him back gently.Â
âObi, I love you too.â You sigh, watching his face morph into a small, gentle smile. Just as youâre about to deliver your news, to warn him and tell him his best friend and padawan is gone, you feel a slight pain in your chest. Before you can even yell out his name, youâre being ripped out of his arms and your surroundings are blurred. The air is punched from your lungs as you hit a wall, your head smacking into it once more. Your head is spinning now, and you can barely even open your eyes as you lay against the cool ground.Â
âY/N!â Someone is saying your name, and your head feels like itâs never been heavier. You try to lift it, to take in your surroundings, but everyone is talking and you can just see blobs of people.Â
âGive her space.â A voice commands, and your brain sets off little alarm bells that are covered in cotton. You try hard to think of why you would be concerned, but there is so much pain in your chest and in your head that there is no room to think.Â
âObi?â You call weakly, hoping that heâs in the crowd of people. Palpatine must have found you, blasted you with the lightning, and you - what? Went through a wall?
Youâre still not sure. Your head is pounding and your brain is foggy, but you need to find Obi-Wan.
âHoney, can you hear us?â A voice calls, and you take a sharp breath in. You recognize this voice. This is a voice you have known for a long while, even if you hadnât heard it in the past couple years.Â
And thatâs why the warning bells are going off.
âObi-Wan!â You scream as you tilt your head up, but itâs too late. Youâre in the Avengers Compound, Natasha sitting next to you as you scramble to stand. Your vision is blurry as you look around the people who were your friends three years ago. The remaining Avengers are standing around you, and you blink as you take in the fact that youâre back on Earth, your home that feels less like a home now. You are not where you belong, not anymore.
âYouâre alright.â Steve puts a hand on your shoulder behind you, and you whirl around, fighting the urge to throw up.Â
âWhereâs Obi-Wan?â Youâre disoriented, having gone from Obi-Wanâs rooms to the Avengers Compound, which is supposed to be in a galaxy far, far away. You are not meant to be here.
âWho?â Natasha asks, and you spin again, looking at the familiar faces of your friends. But none of them are the familiar face you want to see - need to see.Â
âOh, God,â You mutter, feeling sick. You need to get to him, but you donât know how to find him or how you got to Corscant, but you need to find a way back. Now.Â
âHeâs in danger!â You cry, continuing to look at everyone as you blink, as if it will change the fact that you have been ripped away from Obi-Wan at the worst time. âTheyâre all in danger, I need to warn them.â
âWho? Whatâs going on? Talk to us.â Natasha grabs you, and you finally let your face fall as panic sets in.Â
âObi-Wan,â You know this isnât going to explain anything, but you canât recount the last three years in an eloquent way. âI-I went to this galaxy, and Obi-Wan, he helped me. But theyâre at war, and thereâs a super bad guy, they didnât know who he was! But itâs the Chancellor, and they donât know, theyâre going to get manipulated and,â You can barely breathe, and Steve is there to help hold you up when your legs give out.Â
âYou fell in love with Obi-Wan.â Bruce says, and you can only blink.
âH-How?â You shudder, as if all the Avengers are in on some joke they made at your expense while you were gone. Theyâre looking at each other as if things are clicking into place now, and you shake your head.Â
âItâs the curse.â Thor says, and your brain stutters. âThatâs why youâre back now.âÂ
âWhy now?â You ask, tears falling down your face. âWhy after all these years-â
âYears?â Natasha cuts you off, and you realize Natashaâs hair for the first time. Her roots, barely red growing in, her blonde hair that she had dyed fresh back in 2018. And you hadnât been the best at keeping track of time Coruscant but you know itâs been long enough that Natashaâs hair should be longer, or different.Â
Ice washes over you as you realize what has been going on in your own universe.Â
âHow long do you think you were gone?â Tony asks slowly, and you feel the air leave the room.Â
âI was there for three years.â You say, and they know youâre telling the truth, because unlike Natasha your hair is different, your face is different and you are different. You push away from Steve, needing space to breathe and too feel everything crash over you.
âHoly shit,â Rhodey says, and you feel like you might throw up.Â
âHow long has it been here?â You ask, afraid of the answer. Nothing has changed here, but you remember how bad it was. And now, things are bad on Coruscant and on Earth.Â
You lost both.Â
âFour weeks.â Steve says, looking guilty. You vaguely remember fighting with him before you left, but that was literally years ago for you. You thought you would never see these people again.Â
âYou need to send me back.â You turn to Wanda, who has wide eyes.Â
âNo!â She says immediately, and you canât understand.Â
âWhy? You did it the first time.â Youâre reeling, because every moment youâre here is precious moments being wasted where your friends could die.Â
âThe spell doesnât work like that.â Wanda says, frowning. âAnd even if it did, I thought I killed you.â You pause, because you realize what that mustâve been like for Wanda.Â
âIt wasnât your fault.â You make sure to say. âBut you have to send me back.â The room erupts into chaos.
âThere are no do-overs for the spell.â Bucky tells you, and you turn to see him for the first time.Â
The whole reason why you had originally done the spell, and you didnât even realize he was here. You can see the hurt on his face, but part of you doesnât have the capacity to care because while the Avengers have already lost, your friends in the Galactic Republic have a chance and you are the only one who can give that to them. You have a second shot at saving people, and youâll be damned if you mess it up again.Â
âSend me back.â You say, sounding hysterical, because everything is starting to set in. If Wanda canât send you back, then you are stuck on Earth. Obi-Wan is stuck in his galaxy. âPlease, you have to send me back, please, I donât care about the consequences,â Youâre breathing heavily, tears falling from your eyes. Your friends all look at you with sad faces, and despite being in a room full of people, you have never felt more alone. You cannot breathe, cannot think in here.
âY/N,â Steve has a hand on your shoulder, and you let out a scream. Not a sob, a full scream, because you have lost Obi-Wan. And you have no idea if heâs dead or alive.
âNo!â You cry, feeling Steve pull on you as you fall to the ground. âNo, I need to be there, I love him,â Your voice is horse, and you let yourself lay against the ground, head pounding and eyes drooping. Youâre still trying to get air in your lungs, but itâs not quick enough. Your vision is swimming.Â
âIt will be okay,â Natasha comforts, voice tight, and you grab her arm.Â
âSend me back,â You beg, and she sucks in her lips, your vision going blurry. âYou have to,â And then your head is lolling and youâre out of it.Â
The team looks at each other, all concerned with how horrible you took that, except Bucky is looking at you, face unreadable. He leaves quickly, and Steve sighs, looking back to your body.Â
He knows this is the last time in a long time youâll be peaceful, so he picks you up and brings you to your room, hoping you stay asleep.Â
Obi-Wan is standing in his rooms, arms outstretched where you just were. His elbows and shoulders are sore from you being ripped away from him, and this is the only thing you left behind as evidence that he didnât imagine the whole thing. He blinks once, then things start to click into place.Â
Was this all a test?
Were you sent by the Jedi to test him?
Was the vision even real? Was any of it real? Because nothing else makes sense. It doesnât make sense for you to be here one second and then the next youâre gone.Â
He doesnât have time for tears, because his brain feels like itâs pounding in his skull as he rethinks every moment with you. It couldnât have been fake, the way you kissed him, the things you shared. But people donât just disappear out of thin air, unless..
Unless you had died, and you moved into the Living Force.Â
Obi-Wan doubles over, barely able to breathe because suddenly there is a great disturbance in the Force. This is worse than just you dying. This is a mass incident, and Obi-Wan is now reeling.Â
Not now. Not after everything heâs already been through.Â
But he can smell smoke, he has to go. He has to move on. He has to win this war, even if you wonât be here to see it.
I would never leave you guys like that. The Epilogue - What I Wouldn't Sacrifice - coming December 20th
tags: @dreamingof-angels @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
When the Chancellor is kidnapped, youâre ashamed to admit you donât feel bad.
Youâre sure this will be bad for the war. But the war is so close to being over, and youâre more upset that you were unable to see Obi-Wan since he was close on Greviousâ tail. They were fighting right above Coruscant, and you hated to think about the fact that at any given moment he could be lying dead somewhere.Â
He had called you one more time, but like he had explained before, it was difficult to find reasons to be alone, for a clone to be covering for them.Â
âThe longer this war goes on, the more conflicted I am about my place in the galaxy.â He told you one night. You were pleasantly surprised when the hologram lit up in the middle of cooking dinner, and you immediately left it all out and turned off the heat in favor of talking to the Jedi.Â
âWell, whatever it is, you know you have me.â Your heart beats a little quicker when you admit it, but he smiles softly.Â
âYes, itâs nice to have a friend like you.â He said, and you could tell he wanted to reach out, to hold you, and you wanted to as well. But your hands stay at your sides, because Obi-Wan is not actually here.
âI feel like I havenât thanked you enough for all youâve done for me. Without you, I would have probably been thrown in jail as a spy for the Separatists. And youâve taught me how to fit in. I feel like this is my home now.â You admit, and itâs the first time youâve said something like that outloud. Obi-Wan nods, taking in your words.Â
âIâm glad you feel that this is your home now. I can only hope to protect it for you.â His words make your heart flutter for days after your talk, until he finally comes back from rescuing the Chancellor.Â
You couldnât fight a smile when Obi-Wan stepped out of the transport, following Anakin to the meeting of Senators. Chancellor Palpatine spoke, but you were buzzing to talk to Obi-Wan. Luckily he went straight to you as soon as everyone dispersed, the two of you falling behind the group for some privacy.Â
âHow have you been?â Obi-Wan asks, and you almost laugh at the absurdity of his question when there are so many more important things to talk about.Â
âI missed you.â You say quietly, leaning in close. He does the same, the two of you walking slowly with your bodies practically melting together.
âAs did I.â He tells you, and you finally look up at him. He doesnât seem to be hurt from battle, but you can tell heâs exhausted. While you want to hear all about what happened, you also want to make sure he gets some good sleep.Â
âI made soup. Why donât we go back home and eat it?â You offer, and you can see the blush on his cheeks. You tilt your head in question, but he doesnât say anything.
âPlease donât tell anyone.â Anakin says, and you pull apart from your friend.Â
âWe wonât.â You turn to Obi-Wan, who is staring at you, but he nods. âWeâll leave you alone, now. Congratulations.â As soon as you turn away, your smile falls, and a pounding headache fills your head. Gone is the lightness that flooded your body from Obi-Wanâs return, instead replaced with a hollow pain that guts your insides.
âThis is not good.â Obi-Wan says, but you donât say a word back. You ride back with Obi-Wan to the Jedi Temple in silence, unable to speak and Obi-Wan not knowing what to say.Â
âHave a good meeting.â You tell him, wanting to get to his rooms as fast as you possibly can.Â
âHang on,â Obi-Wan is following you, going the opposite way of where the council is located, and you wish he would just turn around and leave. âYouâre acting strange.âÂ
âThese are strange times. And you havenât been back in ages.â You tell him, knowing itâs unfair but wanting to drive him away. You make it to Obi-Wanâs quarters, quickly opening up the door.
âIâm fine.â Obi-Wan canât have attachments, so he may understand. But itâs a choice, and he can always change his mind.Â
âYouâre not.â Obi-Wan walks closer, and you try not to be mad at him. Youâre not mad at PadmĂȘ either, but itâs hard to see someone live a life that you didnât know you wanted until now.Â
âObi-Wan, I donât want to talk right now.â You try to tell him, but he isnât having it. âYou need to go to your meeting.â
âI told you I donât want to talk.â Youâre trying to push him away, but he is not having it.Â
âYou canât shut me out-â
âThis has nothing to do with you. Just go do whatever Jedi shit they want you to do.â You want to physically push him, but instead you turn away, breathing deeply. You should just open up to him; you know heâll understand. But youâve never opened up to anyone about this. You didnât even talk to the other Widows about this.
âYou donât have to tell me right now, but know that I am here.â His words anger you more, and you have to close your eyes to stop yourself from just shouting out all of your baggage. Instead, you take a deep breath, turn around, and look into Obi-Wanâs clear blue eyes. He could have left - he is supposed to be reporting to the Jedi Council as soon as he gets back to Coruscant. But he got off the transport to see you, and then he followed you back to his rooms to make sure youâre okay.
âWhat do you mean?â Obi-Wan asks softly, and you shake your head, trying not to scoff.Â
âThe graduation ceremony for the Red Room is where they take out all of our reproductive organs. Not a corrective, reversible procedure, but a complete evacuation. And I had no choice in this. By the time I graduated, I was already under mind control. And now, I couldnât have a family even if that was the thing I wanted most in the world.â You shrug, as if the tears coming out of your eyes are no big deal. You turn away from him, wiping your tears and praying that someone calls him for this meeting now.
âI-Iâm so sorry.â Obi-Wan says, and you can tell heâs shocked by this. Everyone always is, no matter how much it made sense in the Red room.Â
âIâm fine. Iâve come to terms with it. Iâm just upset right now.â You say, sniffling and still looking away. Youâre not paying attention when suddenly you're enveloped in a hug, one youâve been waiting to have since he left.Â
You immediately throw your arms around him, and suddenly it all comes out. Every emotion from the Red Room youâve been trying to push down flows out of you like a dam bursting, and you sob into Obi-Wan as he rubs your back, holding you close.Â
âEverything you have had to go through was unfair. And it made you who you are, but it doesnât mean that it was supposed to happen to you. You did not deserve any of it.â As if you didnât already have enough to cry over, Obi-Wan whispers the words youâve always needed to hear into your ear, and you feel like you can breathe for the first time in your entire life.Â
You didnât need the Red Room to be where you were in life, but because of the Red Room, because of your place in knowing the Avengers, you met Obi-Wan. And it isnât fair that you were subjected to torture at a young age, and it doesnât make it right, but you can at least look at the silver lining.Â
Words are bubbling on your tongue, so strong you have to bite it to keep them inside. Thereâs been too many admissions for today, thereâs no need for another one. You can wait until Obi-Wan and you have had a talk.
âAnakin is now on the Council.â Obi-Wan tells you one night when youâre laying in bed. The two of you have been sharing his bed since he came back, and it feels like his chest was made for your head to lay on. His arm is around you, and you have a leg thrown over his thighs.Â
But you still havenât talked.Â
âSo he is a Master.â You gather, but you feel Obi-Wan shake his head.Â
âNo. Chancellor Palpatine put him on the Council. We allowed this because we have another mission for him.â Obi-Wan should not be telling you these things, you know this, but he also has to tell someone.Â
âWhat have you asked of him?â You question, tracing your fingers along his shirt.Â
âThe Council would like him to spy on the Chancellor.â You donât know how to take this news; on one hand, he needs to be put in check. But on the other hand, youâre not sure if Anakin is the right person for this.Â
âAnakinâs relationship with Palpatine,â You start, and Obi-Wan tightens his grip on your hip. You can feel the conflict in him, and you wonder if he is unused to this emotion.
âI know. Iâm worried he has too many attachments, that he doesnât know how to distance himself the way Jedi are supposed to.â Obi-Wanâs words pierce your heart, and you almost flinch.Â
âIt is possible.â Obi-Wan shifts so that heâs laying on his side, facing you, and you lay on your side to look at him. He puts a hand around your waist and across your back, your legs entangled. You have your hand in the loose collar of his shirt, playing with it between your fingers. âIf Palpatine has placed you and Anakin in different sections of government, then we have to think about the possibility that he could be working for the Separatists.â He whispers it, and you close your eyes at the thought. The thought of the person at the highest power possible in your government is working for the other side during war - itâs almost unthinkable.Â
âWe have to have faith that Anakin will take his mission seriously.â You say softly, opening your eyes to see Obi-Wan staring at you. âAnd if he doesnât, we have to be ready for whatever Palpatine may be planning.â You donât even want to think about how youâre being used in a pawn in this war when Obi-Wan is helping end it.Â
âWe will be.â He mutters, and then he pulls you close and kisses your forehead. Your cheeks heat, and you let yourself be pulled closer to him, the way you do every night, and you feel at least a little bit at peace having him there with you.Â
You know youâll eventually talk. But for now, you can settle for falling asleep against him.
As soon as Mace Windu tells Anakin that he cannot lead the mission on Upatu, Obi-Wan knows that he will be nominated to go. His first thought is that he canât go, he canât leave you here when this could be the end of the war. And if he dies, after all of this, everything heâs done to secure your futureâŠ
âI vote that Master Fisto goes.â Obi-Wan speaks before anyone is even done talking, shocking the whole Council.Â
And then he realizes just how fucked he is.Â
Heâs grown an attachment to you. He has done what he swore not to do. And this is different than it was with Satine, because he didnât make decisions in the Council based on her. This is bad.Â
The Council agrees that Master Fisto should go to Upatu, and then the meeting is dismissed, and Obi-Wan has no idea where to go. He canât go home, because youâre there. And he canât see you until he figures out what exactly heâs going to do about this.Â
He goes to the gardens to meditate quietly, and more importantly alone. No one can know about this, for more reasons than just the fact that he needs to protect you.Â
He meditates for the rest of the day, and he still doesnât know exactly what to do. But he does know that he cannot continue the way your relationship is heading.
âWhatâs wrong?â You ask the second he opens the door, and he knows that even if you arenât a Jedi, you must be sensitive to the Force in the way that everyone in the galaxy is. It just confirms that you are meant to be in this galaxy, in his galaxy, and he doesnât want to think too hard about it.Â
âWe need to talk.â He tells you, and you put down the mug you had been washing.Â
âYes, we do.â You answer, walking over to him, and heâs not sure how you know about what heâs thinking.
âWe canât continue like this.â He watches your face twitch, just slightly, and he realizes that you had a very different idea of what this conversation would be about.
Your whole world shatters right in front of you as Obi-Wan speaks, and you struggle to find words. This seemingly came out of nowhere; it was only last night that you had been sleeping in the same bed, when he had kissed your forehead and the two of you cuddled all night.Â
âContinue like what?â You ask, trying to be very clear in what exactly Obi-Wan is telling you.Â
âYou know what I mean.â Obi-Wan moves to the side of the couch, leaning on it, like this is a difficult conversation for him. You want to rip him apart for acting like this hurts him.Â
âIâm just confused, because this whole week youâve been acting like we were going to have a conversation about being in a relationship, even if you wouldnât leave the Council, and now youâre - what? Deciding you canât handle falling asleep with someone every night?â You donât even know what to say, how to hit him where it hurts but somehow bring him closer. You are out of your depth.
âNo, Iâm trying to do what I have trained to do. Iâve let this go on for too long. Jedi are not allowed attachments, so it is best to break it off now.â You donât know if his words break your heart or fuel your fire more.Â
âRight, they arenât allowed attachments except when itâs convenient, right? Except when you want to? It was fine to be attached to me for two years, but sleeping in the same bed, thatâs the line. Because itâs not attachments, itâs relationships. But, oh wait! There was Satine, who you made an exception for. But not me, right? Because Iâm not from here?â You donât let Obi-Wan talk, but you can see his anger start to rise at your mention of his past lover. âOr is it because you think Iâm so broken that it doesnât matter? She can break a little more, because sheâs already been through so much. Is that it?âÂ
âDonât make me the villain here when you have known from the start that I was never going to be able to fall in love with you. Just because you are in love doesnât mean I have to be.âÂ
Your heart shatters on the ground.Â
âWho said anything about love?â You whisper, because your voice isnât strong enough to get out a sentence at a normal volume.Â
âYou compared yourself to Satine. You canât fault me for assuming.â He doesnât even take it back, and you almost slap him in the face. You want to turn away, to close your eyes as you think of what to say next, but that would show your cards, so you show nothing on your mask of a face. Your mind is racing, but thereâs only one answer that even makes sense in your brain.
âDid the Jedi find out about us?â You ask softly, and Obi-Wan almost squints at the outlandishness of your question.
âWhat?â His words are like a whip, but you continue.
âPalpatine told the Jedi about us. Thatâs why youâre doing this. Right?â You cannot stand to be wrong. You cannot stand the alternative, that he chose this on his own accord. That he somehow came to this conclusion in the few hours you were away.
âNo.â He says after a few moments, but youâre not convinced, not completely. If Palpatine has made his way to Obi-Wan, he would threaten you, threaten him, anyone who stood in his way. Obi-Wan could be lying to you, and you wouldnât know.
âYou never answered my question about attachments. When is it too much, Obi?â You shoot, and he shakes his head. Youâre trying to get any information you can now, hoping he gives you some inclination of what to do.
âNow. It is too much now, when I am making decisions and thinking of your well being instead of thinking of what is best for the Jedi, for the galaxy.â His admission causes you to freeze, and the two of you stare at each other, neither willing to break the silence but neither willing to look away.Â
âThatâs what love is.â You finally say, your voice so soft itâs almost unable to be heard. Obi-Wan looks like he could listen, like he wants to listen, but then he shakes his head and turns away, walking away from you. He might as well be taking your heart with him, because youâve all but admitted your love and he has all but denied his.Â
âThe Jedi do not have romantic relationships.â He finally says, facing away from you. You try to keep your composure, but you want to scream and choke out Obi-Wan at this point.Â
âAnakin does.â You pull out the only card you have, but clearly it is not a good one.Â
âAnd Anakin will suffer for it!â He turns, fire in his eyes, and you canât help the way you back away slightly. Obi-Wan notices this and his face falls before he sighs, running a hand down his face. âI am not made for romantic relationships.â He finally tells you, but you canât let him push you away like this.Â
âThen look me in the eyes and tell me you donât love me.â You havenât told him you love him, not out loud, but youâre not asking him to tell him he loves you. Youâre just asking him not to deny it. He looks at you, and itâs dead silent as he struggles with himself. You watch his blue eyes, waiting for him to put your heart back together.Â
âI donât love you.â He says, and you physically recoil back. âAt least not enough to break the code.â You have to hit him where it hurts. You take the only thing you can.Â
âIf youâre worried about me, you donât have to be. I am not Satine.â Your voice is shaking, and Obi-Wanâs eyes form an anger you have never seen.Â
âAnd that is exactly why I am not breaking the Code.â He shoots right back, and you have the urge to slap him. And you honestly would, if you didnât love him.Â
âI hope youâre happy with your choice.â You tell him, then walk out of the room.
Your head feels like itâs stuffed with cotton, and your chest feels opened up the second you close the door behind you. You stay with your back pressed against the door, because maybe if you stay there it isnât real. Maybe if you stay there you can get stuck in the in between.Â
Maybe if you stay there you can pretend that you didnât fall for Obi-Wan Kenobi, war general and Jedi Master, just to get your heart broken the way anyone could have guessed.Â
You decide then that you have to do the only thing you can - you have to find out if Palpatine was a part of this. Even if he is working for the other side, if there is a chance that he can fix this, youâll do anything. The thought slightly scares you as you walk to his office, but you donât have a choice. With the war winding up, you could be losing Obi-Wan right here. He could ask for an assignment elsewhere, now that thereâs no need to be on Coruscant, and then you would be stuck, alone, and you would hate it.Â
You donât even realize when you make it to his office, but you pause outside, taking a deep breath. Everything is about to change. Thereâs no telling if this will bring Obi-Wan back to you, back to your arms, but you have to try.Â
You open the door, ready to plead your case, when you see Anakin. You only have a moment to wonder what heâs doing when you see Master Windu as well, and thatâs when you notice the window has been broken.Â
A fight has already occurred here.Â
âThe Jedi are taking over.â Palpatine is laying against the wall, Master Widuâs light saber pointed threateningly at him. You walk slowly in, and realize you must have been right behind Anakin, who is looking conflicted between the Jedi and Palpatine.Â
âThe oppression of the Sith will never return.â Master Windu counters, holding steady in the broken window. âYou have lost.â You feel like it slams into you slowly, something you should have thought of. It should have been obvious, but you must be out of practice because you are blindsided as you watch Palpatine yell at Master Windu before shooting lightning out of his fingers.Â
Chancellor Palpatine is the Sith Lord.
Master Windu uses his lightsaber to hold back the lightning, but the wind from the broken glass is not in his favor. You have to come in now, because Anakin is just standing there, not doing anything.Â
âI have the power to save the one you love! You must choose.â Palpatine says to Anakin, and you grab his arm.
âAnakin, help Master Windu.â You say, as if itâs the most obvious thing in the world. Anakin snaps his head to you, eyes narrowing, as Palpatine begins to drain away. Maybe, if you can hold Anakin for long enough, Palpatine will kill himself. But no, Palpatine stops before he dies, and lays there, face disfigured from using so much power, and Master Windu is back on him.Â
âI am going to end this, once and for all.â Master Windu says, and you are thankful that this seems to be over.
âYou canât.â Anakin argues, and itâs your turn to snap your head to him. âHe must stand trial.â You almost slap Anakin, wondering what he must be thinking right now.Â
âAnakin, he has control of the entire government. It wouldnât be a fair trial, and he is far too dangerous to be left alive.â You need Palpatine to die, not only for you and Obi-Wan, but now for Anakin, who seems to be seduced by whatever power Palpatine has promised.
âIâm too weak. Oh. Donât kill me. Please.â Palpatine begs, and you wish you could just roll him off the side of the building. His begging is pathetic.Â
âItâs not the Jedi way.â Anakin tells you, and you shake your head. âHe must live.â Anakin is shouting over the wind, which is whipping your hair from how high up you are.Â
âPlease donât.â Palpatine begs once more, and you decided fuck the consequences. This man cannot live. Heâs too powerful, too dangerous.
âI need him.â Anakin says, and that seals it. You go to grab Anakinâs lightsaber, but youâre just a second too late; he has already unclipped it, pulling it back in one hand and using the Force to push you against the wall in the other. You hit it hard against your head, and you think you actually see stars as you slide down, far too close to the edge of the window for your liking. You canât tell much of whatâs happening, blinking to try to regain your senses, but you can see Anakin and Master Windu fighting, and then the lighting as Palpatine yells and kills Master Windu.Â
Everything happens far too quickly. Once youâre finally able to tell whatâs going on, You see Anakin on his knees, in front of Palpatine, and you sit up, a little too fast but you have no time to recover.Â
âI pledge myself⊠to your teachings.â Anakin promises, and you feel your heart constrict.Â
âNo!â You cry, trying to stand. But youâre sent back against the wall again, and this time you actually black out, the last thing you hear being Palpatineâs raspy murmurs.Â
When you finally are able to pull your eyes open, Anakin is no longer in the room. You can feel the blood falling down your neck, onto your pretty dress, but you have to push forward. Anakin could be dead, or worse.
âIâm sure youâre wondering why I didnât kill you while you were out.â Palpatine says from across the room, and you bite your tongue on every response you have.Â
âYouâre going to regret that, because it will have been the only chance you would have gotten.â You donât stand but you do move to a better position to get on your toes or move around.Â
âI assure you, there is still a chance for us to work together.â Palpatine offers, and you frown as he comes closer, reaching a hand out. He puts it on your chin, and youâre pulled to your knees, your neck strained as you try not to lash out too soon. âYou may not be strong in the Force, but you can be taught. And what better teacher than I?â You twitch out of his grasp, but he holds firm. You close your eyes, thinking of a plan. You have to get out of this, and that means you canât open your mouth or act too quickly. You pray to the Force, feeling stupid, but you need something. You need help.
When you open your eyes, you see Master Winduâs light saber sitting discarded on the ground, just out of arms reach.
âYou could make an incredible apprentice. And I know just how well you can listen.â You canât take it any more. You throw your body backwards to free a leg and kick Palpatine away, hoping to gain enough time. Just as Palpatine throws out lightning, you grab Master Winduâs lightsaber and ignite it, thankful for all your training and knowing exactly where the button you need to press is. You hold it out to protect yourself, and the full force of a Sith Lord hits you quickly. You stumble back, falling onto your bottom, but you hold the lightsaber strong, keeping the lightning from killing you.Â
You shake as the lightning is almost too much to bear with both hands clasped on the hilt, but you have to hold strong. If Anakin has fallen, the fate of the galaxy is literally up to you. No one else knows about Palpatine, and by the time he enacts his plan that reveals himself it will be too late.Â
Finally, after what feels like years, Palpatine is too weak to continue. He falls to the ground, and while you would like to do the same, you have to get to Obi-Wan. You have to tell him what has happened.Â
Youâre shaking as you stumble all the way back to his quarters, and you donât notice youâre crying until you begin to sniffle, and then it all hits you.Â
You are holding the light saber of a dead Jedi. And Anakin, whether dead or turned, is gone. You have no idea what the fate of the other Jedi will be. You have to get to Obi-Wan.Â
âYou may not be strong in the Force, but you can be taught. And what better teacher than I? You could make an incredible apprentice. And I know just how well you can listen.âÂ
The words ring in Obi-Wanâs ears as he comes out of the vision. He saw you and Palpatine, your chin in Palpatine's hands. Whatever power heâs seduced you with, however heâs done it, Obi-Wan has to undo it. Heâs sure this vision is of the future, because how could he have known that you had gone straight to the Chancellor after your fight?
He knows what he has to do, and he will do anything to set it right.
Heâs about to leave when you come bursting through the door. Youâre wearing a dark purple gown, the sleeves billowing with your speed. Your hair has grown over the three years youâve been on Coruscant, and now it is curly, a silver half moon hair piece stuck to the back of your head askew from when you had hit the wall. Blood has run down the side of your neck, but you seem to be paying no mind to it.Â
 And you have a lightsaber in your hand.Â
You have never looked more like someone from this galaxy, and the thought of you leaving him makes him want to double over in pain.Â
âObi, I have to tell you something,â You gasp, but Obi-Wan is right there, hands on your face bringing you in for a kiss.Â
This kiss is one unlike anything you've ever experienced. Itâs passionate and full of love, and with your free hand you grab his shoulder and pull him close. Your mouth is opening to let him in, and he has his hands in your hair, pulling you in like youâll disappear on the spot. And as much as you want this to continue, as much as you would love to kiss him forever, you have to tell him Palpatineâs plan.Â
âObi, I have to tell you,â Youâre still struggling to breathe, still shaking, so Obi-Wan takes your breath away, kissing you once more before pulling away.Â
âLet me go first.â He mutters, hands still on your face. You nod, because you can see the urgency in his blue eyes. âIâm sorry we fought. I lied to you. I am made for romantic relationships,â You feel time slow down as he speaks, as you both heave breaths against each other. âOnly with you. And youâre right, you are different from Satine.â This is not what you expected him to say, and you are speechless as he talks. He moves his hands to your waist to hold you close, and you push yourself against him as if this is the last time youâll ever be able to do it. âI do love you, Y/N. I love you more than I have ever experienced.â The admission makes your heart run wild, and you stare at him with your lips parted in shock. Obi-Wan takes this as the perfect opportunity to kiss you, and you let him for just a couple moments before you push him back gently.Â
âObi, I love you too.â You sigh, watching his face morph into a small, gentle smile. Just as youâre about to deliver your news, to warn him and tell him his best friend and padawan is gone, you feel a slight pain in your chest. Before you can even yell out his name, youâre being ripped out of his arms and your surroundings are blurred. The air is punched from your lungs as you hit a wall, your head smacking into it once more. Your head is spinning now, and you can barely even open your eyes as you lay against the cool ground.Â
âY/N!â Someone is saying your name, and your head feels like itâs never been heavier. You try to lift it, to take in your surroundings, but everyone is talking and you can just see blobs of people.Â
âGive her space.â A voice commands, and your brain sets off little alarm bells that are covered in cotton. You try hard to think of why you would be concerned, but there is so much pain in your chest and in your head that there is no room to think.Â
âObi?â You call weakly, hoping that heâs in the crowd of people. Palpatine must have found you, blasted you with the lightning, and you - what? Went through a wall?
Youâre still not sure. Your head is pounding and your brain is foggy, but you need to find Obi-Wan.
âHoney, can you hear us?â A voice calls, and you take a sharp breath in. You recognize this voice. This is a voice you have known for a long while, even if you hadnât heard it in the past couple years.Â
And thatâs why the warning bells are going off.
âObi-Wan!â You scream as you tilt your head up, but itâs too late. Youâre in the Avengers Compound, Natasha sitting next to you as you scramble to stand. Your vision is blurry as you look around the people who were your friends three years ago. The remaining Avengers are standing around you, and you blink as you take in the fact that youâre back on Earth, your home that feels less like a home now. You are not where you belong, not anymore.
âYouâre alright.â Steve puts a hand on your shoulder behind you, and you whirl around, fighting the urge to throw up.Â
âWhereâs Obi-Wan?â Youâre disoriented, having gone from Obi-Wanâs rooms to the Avengers Compound, which is supposed to be in a galaxy far, far away. You are not meant to be here.
âWho?â Natasha asks, and you spin again, looking at the familiar faces of your friends. But none of them are the familiar face you want to see - need to see.Â
âOh, God,â You mutter, feeling sick. You need to get to him, but you donât know how to find him or how you got to Corscant, but you need to find a way back. Now.Â
âHeâs in danger!â You cry, continuing to look at everyone as you blink, as if it will change the fact that you have been ripped away from Obi-Wan at the worst time. âTheyâre all in danger, I need to warn them.â
âWho? Whatâs going on? Talk to us.â Natasha grabs you, and you finally let your face fall as panic sets in.Â
âObi-Wan,â You know this isnât going to explain anything, but you canât recount the last three years in an eloquent way. âI-I went to this galaxy, and Obi-Wan, he helped me. But theyâre at war, and thereâs a super bad guy, they didnât know who he was! But itâs the Chancellor, and they donât know, theyâre going to get manipulated and,â You can barely breathe, and Steve is there to help hold you up when your legs give out.Â
âYou fell in love with Obi-Wan.â Bruce says, and you can only blink.
âH-How?â You shudder, as if all the Avengers are in on some joke they made at your expense while you were gone. Theyâre looking at each other as if things are clicking into place now, and you shake your head.Â
âItâs the curse.â Thor says, and your brain stutters. âThatâs why youâre back now.âÂ
âWhy now?â You ask, tears falling down your face. âWhy after all these years-â
âYears?â Natasha cuts you off, and you realize Natashaâs hair for the first time. Her roots, barely red growing in, her blonde hair that she had dyed fresh back in 2018. And you hadnât been the best at keeping track of time Coruscant but you know itâs been long enough that Natashaâs hair should be longer, or different.Â
Ice washes over you as you realize what has been going on in your own universe.Â
âHow long do you think you were gone?â Tony asks slowly, and you feel the air leave the room.Â
âI was there for three years.â You say, and they know youâre telling the truth, because unlike Natasha your hair is different, your face is different and you are different. You push away from Steve, needing space to breathe and too feel everything crash over you.
âHoly shit,â Rhodey says, and you feel like you might throw up.Â
âHow long has it been here?â You ask, afraid of the answer. Nothing has changed here, but you remember how bad it was. And now, things are bad on Coruscant and on Earth.Â
You lost both.Â
âFour weeks.â Steve says, looking guilty. You vaguely remember fighting with him before you left, but that was literally years ago for you. You thought you would never see these people again.Â
âYou need to send me back.â You turn to Wanda, who has wide eyes.Â
âNo!â She says immediately, and you canât understand.Â
âWhy? You did it the first time.â Youâre reeling, because every moment youâre here is precious moments being wasted where your friends could die.Â
âThe spell doesnât work like that.â Wanda says, frowning. âAnd even if it did, I thought I killed you.â You pause, because you realize what that mustâve been like for Wanda.Â
âIt wasnât your fault.â You make sure to say. âBut you have to send me back.â The room erupts into chaos.
âThere are no do-overs for the spell.â Bucky tells you, and you turn to see him for the first time.Â
The whole reason why you had originally done the spell, and you didnât even realize he was here. You can see the hurt on his face, but part of you doesnât have the capacity to care because while the Avengers have already lost, your friends in the Galactic Republic have a chance and you are the only one who can give that to them. You have a second shot at saving people, and youâll be damned if you mess it up again.Â
âSend me back.â You say, sounding hysterical, because everything is starting to set in. If Wanda canât send you back, then you are stuck on Earth. Obi-Wan is stuck in his galaxy. âPlease, you have to send me back, please, I donât care about the consequences,â Youâre breathing heavily, tears falling from your eyes. Your friends all look at you with sad faces, and despite being in a room full of people, you have never felt more alone. You cannot breathe, cannot think in here.
âY/N,â Steve has a hand on your shoulder, and you let out a scream. Not a sob, a full scream, because you have lost Obi-Wan. And you have no idea if heâs dead or alive.
âNo!â You cry, feeling Steve pull on you as you fall to the ground. âNo, I need to be there, I love him,â Your voice is horse, and you let yourself lay against the ground, head pounding and eyes drooping. Youâre still trying to get air in your lungs, but itâs not quick enough. Your vision is swimming.Â
âIt will be okay,â Natasha comforts, voice tight, and you grab her arm.Â
âSend me back,â You beg, and she sucks in her lips, your vision going blurry. âYou have to,â And then your head is lolling and youâre out of it.Â
The team looks at each other, all concerned with how horrible you took that, except Bucky is looking at you, face unreadable. He leaves quickly, and Steve sighs, looking back to your body.Â
He knows this is the last time in a long time youâll be peaceful, so he picks you up and brings you to your room, hoping you stay asleep.Â
Obi-Wan is standing in his rooms, arms outstretched where you just were. His elbows and shoulders are sore from you being ripped away from him, and this is the only thing you left behind as evidence that he didnât imagine the whole thing. He blinks once, then things start to click into place.Â
Was this all a test?
Were you sent by the Jedi to test him?
Was the vision even real? Was any of it real? Because nothing else makes sense. It doesnât make sense for you to be here one second and then the next youâre gone.Â
He doesnât have time for tears, because his brain feels like itâs pounding in his skull as he rethinks every moment with you. It couldnât have been fake, the way you kissed him, the things you shared. But people donât just disappear out of thin air, unless..
Unless you had died, and you moved into the Living Force.Â
Obi-Wan doubles over, barely able to breathe because suddenly there is a great disturbance in the Force. This is worse than just you dying. This is a mass incident, and Obi-Wan is now reeling.Â
Not now. Not after everything heâs already been through.Â
But he can smell smoke, he has to go. He has to move on. He has to win this war, even if you wonât be here to see it.
I would never leave you guys like that. The Epilogue - What I Wouldn't Sacrifice - coming December 20th
tags: @dreamingof-angels @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
summary: After having a new baby, you realize it takes a village to make things work.
word count: 4425
warnings: a little postpartum depression but it's a happy ending with a lot of fluff
i don't think there will be a 12 days of christmas this year, but i'm going to try and post some more fics leading up to christmas :)
Steve's Problem Masterlist
main masterlist
âBabypool cash out will be tonight after dinner. I repeat, Babypool cashout after dinner. The winners are-â
âSteve, turn that shit off!â You scream through the house, because James is running around with no pants on and Oliver is screaming in her arms. Thatâs right, Baby #2 is a boy, and Eddie, Dustin and Max are elated. The rest of The Party, however, is pissed off. They were so sure that Steve would be a girl dad, but you think maybe you were just destined to be a boy mom.Â
But your heart aches, and you donât know if itâs because having two kids has been so much harder than you thought or if itâs because you were hoping for a girl. You feel guilty for both.
âI canât find the goddamn thing! I think Henderson hid it somewhere.â Steve comes into the kitchen, not wearing a shirt and his hair sticking up. Youâre pretty sure his pajama pants are on backwards.
âI know youâre all just so upset about not getting paid out, but I would like to remind you that Steve wants six kids, so-â
âNot anymore,â Steve says, trying to find the walkie thatâs probably shoved between diaper boxes. Dustin had gotten upset that you and Steve never responded, which made Steve and Dustin get in a fight about how Steve had a newborn and canât always take the calls about stupid shit.Â
Because the truth was, Oliver had been a nightmare for you and Steve. He didnât sleep, he was having a hard time latching, and James decided he was going to become an absolute menace. You were able to take a break from the diner, but you couldnât afford childcare so you were sure you werenât going back. Steve did his best when he came home, but he had gotten a new job that he absolutely hated but made more money. And he had been torn apart by watching you in labor. He wasnât sure how anyone ever did it more than once, and he sure as hell didnât want you to go through it again.
âThereâs always next time!â Dustin is so gleeful that you think you are going to just punch the kid when you see him again.Â
âShut up!â Lucas yells into the walkie, and you canât help but agree. Youâre still trying to get Oliver to just eat a little bit so you can put him down and get ready. Youâre supposed to be going to the Wheelerâs tonight for Thanksgiving, but at this point you want to tell Steve to just tell everyone youâre not coming. Youâre exhausted, could fall asleep now if you tried, and you canât even remember the last time you showered. Everything feels like a monumental task, and you have to keep your kids alive too. Not to mention the laundry, cleaning the house, cooking. You could have never managed your family in the trailer, but at least it was easier to clean everything.Â
âYouâre just mad because-â Finally Steve finds the walkie, and through some sort of divine self control he does not throw it to the ground and crush it under his feet. He takes out the batteries and puts them on a high shelf, because James wants to eat everything, then takes a deep breath.Â
âWhat have we gotten ourselves into.â Steve asks softly, hand over his eyes, and you wonder if he already has a migraine. Oliver finally latches, and you could cry in relief. You lean back in your chair, and of course James runs through, screaming at the top of his lungs. Steve grabs him and lifts him up, and you smile as they are the exact opposite of each other - Steve with no shirt, James with no pants.Â
âItâs time for you to get a bath.â Steve says, and James pouts.Â
âNo!â He yells, and Steve raises his eyebrows. You frown, because of course your son has decided to throw a fit now. Heâs got the âterrible twoâ energy for sure.
âYes. Unless you want to go see Max all stinky.â You smile a little at this; you discovered recently that James has a huge crush on Max, and you and Steve definitely use this to your advantage to get him to do anything.Â
âOkay.â James grumbles, and the two of them head to the bathroom so James can get cleaned up. Once Oliver is done eating theyâll give him a little bath too, but finally heâs calm and you feel a little at peace.Â
You enjoy the silence for as long as you can, until Oliver moves his head and decides heâs done. You can hear Steve in the back, talking and singing to James. You hear him get out of the tub, and you take Oliver to the back so you can start a bath for him too.Â
But Steve has already done almost everything, set up the baby bath and ran a small bit of water. You almost cry with the three month old in your arms, and try to pull yourself together. If you start crying now, you think you may never stop crying.Â
~
On the way to the Wheelerâs, your heart starts to race. The boys are quiet; they love being in the car and driving around. But you havenât hung out with your friends since you had Oliver, and when you met them James had been much older. You were way better adjusted. What would happen when you showed up and looked a mess?Â
âHey,â Steve put a hand on your thigh, eyes still focused on the road even if it was clear his attention was now on you. âWhatâs goinâ on?â He asks softly, as if heâll break the spell that keeps the boys entertained. As if anything could do that when theyâre in the car.Â
âNothing.â You smile and grab his hand, because you do not want him to know that youâre struggling. This is your second time, youâre supposed to have it together. And Steve has been such a champ, working and being an amazing dad, and you can barely handle being a mom.Â
âI know itâs not nothing.â He looks at you when he stops at a red light, and you know heâs seeing right through you.Â
âIâm just thinking.â You shrug, as if itâs no big deal. Steve frowns.Â
âAbout what?âÂ
âAbout how your light is green.â You smile as he jolts, the car behind you honking. He moves forward, his attention once more divided.Â
âYou know you can always talk to me. I am always here for you. I mean, we have two kids, I donât think anything is off the table anymore.â He says, and you feel marginally better at this. Of course Steve will always be there for you. He was there through the late nights with James. He lived in the trailer with you. He didnât leave when things got rough with Oliver, and heâs not leaving now.Â
âI love you.â You tell him, heart almost exploding with emotion. He grabs your hand, squeezing it.Â
âI love you too.âÂ
~
âSteve and Y/N, do you copy?â Dustin asks through the walkie, even though he knows that at this point if you havenât responded you either arenât home or you took the batteries out of your walkie. Dustin thought he had hid it well last time, but maybe you went through diapers faster than he thought.Â
âDude, why donât you just call them? They have a phone now.â Mike says. Nancy, Jonathan, and Robin have all said that no drinks will be opened until Steve and Y/N get here. And once they get here, the kids will be in charge of James, because apparently he has been driving his parents insane.Â
âThey never answer.â Dustin shrugs, and Will rolls his eyes. Dustin had requested his mom have Thanksgiving lunch instead of dinner, since it was just the two of them, and Lucas would be joining as soon as the dinner was over (even if he had to sneak out).
âTheyâre probably on their way.â He says, being rational when Dustin didnât want to.Â
âI doubt anyone would notice if we took a beer.â Mike tells them, and they all turn to see the adults standing around the drinks.Â
âI think they might notice.â Dustin says, and Mike mocks his face, annoyed at being treated as a child after all this time. Theyâre all almost old enough to drink, but the adults donât care about that at all.Â
âThey have two kids. Maybe they deserve the first drink.â Will pipes in again, and Dustin screws up his face.Â
âThat was their choice! I didnât chose to be the babysitter.â He argues, and Mike canât contain his laugh.Â
âI think Steve said the same thing about you.â Before Dustin can argue back and start a fight, you and Steve are coming through the door.Â
âFucking finally.â Dustin says, heading to the drinks when the adults begin to crowd around.Â
âOh, heâs getting so big!â Nancy croons as she looks at Oliver, and you give a small smile. Steve had entertained both the boys while you got ready, and you feel more like yourself than you have since you had Oliver.Â
âJames!â Max says from behind Robin, and James lights up, immediately pulling himself from Steveâs hand and going toward her. You follow everyone into the Wheelerâs house, and put Oliverâs carrier down. Just as youâre about to crouch, back aching, Steve puts his hands on your shoulders and starts massaging. It feels so nice you straighten, leaning into the touch and closing your eyes.Â
âI got him.â Steve tells you, and you nod, turning and giving him a brief kiss before almost running right into Joyce and Karen.Â
âYou look so amazing,â Joyce tells you, her voice laced with sincerity that makes you want to cry.Â
âHereâs a drink.â Karen holds out a cup for you, and you stare at it for a moment, confused. Youâve never even met Karen, but she seems very nice.
âIâm breastfeeding.â You tell them, pushing the drink away slightly with a frown.Â
âWell, donât feel pressured, but we got you formula. In case you wanted a night for yourself.â Karenâs words rattle in your head, and you blink as you take this in. Joyce, who youâve met a handful of times, and Karen, who you have never met before tonight. They did this for you and your baby.
âOkay,â You accept the drink, because you have no idea how to ask them why they would this for you. Why they would go to all this trouble. âThank you.â You say, and they both smile, genuine, big smiles.Â
âY/N!â Robin calls, and you turn to see an open spot on the couch between her and Robin. Youâre frozen for a moment, but your eyes meet Steveâs and everything melts away. Heâs smiling, holding Oliver like he was put on this Earth to do that. He winks at you, and thatâs all you need to walk to the couch and sit between the girls.Â
âSo, howâs life with a baby and a helper? Better than last time, Iâd imagine.â Robin just jumps right in, and you take a large gulp of your drink, because you do not want to explain to your friends that itâs actually so much harder, that you barely even talk to Steve and youâre still worried he thinks he dived in a little too fast.Â
âOliver is much different than James was.â You land on, looking at the baby in Steveâs arms. Heâs asleep now, thankfully, because if he wasnât he would be crazy. He doesnât like sitting still, and he loves to scream at everything.Â
âHow so?â Nancy asks, and you sigh.Â
âIâm lucky. James was such a calm baby. He was okay as long as he was near me. But I feel so out of my depth with Oliver.â You tell them, and they nod, as if they understand this.Â
âYou know weâve been waiting on your call to come help you.â Nancy tells you, and you snap your head over to her.Â
âWhat?â You ask, searching her face. Sheâs genuinely smiling at you, and youâre confused all over again.Â
âDid you think that we lied to you in the hospital?â Robin asks, and you vaguely remember them promising to come help you out whenever you need right after you had given birth. You frown, trying to force out a laugh.Â
âWell, yeah, but everyone offers that stuff. I didnât think that you guys would actually want to come spend your days off with two screaming children.â You tell them honestly. Nancy grabs your hand and you turn back to her.Â
âWe meant that shit. If you need us to hold the baby and watch James while you and Steve sleep, weâre there. If you want to hold the baby, we can do laundry or the dishes or anything you need. We are here for you.â She tells you, and Robin puts a hand on your knee in solidarity.Â
âI-I donât know what to say.â You admit, tears pooling in your eyes.Â
âYou donât have to say anything right now. You just have to call us when you need us.â Robin leans in, holding you close, and Nancy does the same.Â
âIâve never had friends like this.â You whisper, letting one tear fall as you take a deep breath, the girls still keeping their arms around you.Â
âYou do now.â Nancy tells you, and you fully believe her. Because her mother just gave you a drink and made sure that your baby would be taken care of. And right now, as you fight back tears, youâre watching Joyce and Karen offer to take Oliver and feed him, a full bottle already made and itâs too much.Â
âI can do that.â You pull away from the girls, throat so close to being too tight to speak. You watch as the two mothers turn to you, frowns mirroring on their faces.Â
âWe know you can,â Karen says softly, and you blink confusedly. âBut you donât have to. You can relax, at least for tonight. We raised five kids between us, we can handle one for a couple hours.â She smiles, and you canât help the tear that falls down your face as you stare at them.
âBabe, are you okay?â Steve stands, hand going to your back. You canât even nod, because you have never been treated with this much love and respect. You donât know what to do with it.Â
âYou can feed him, if you want. We wonât kidnap your baby.â Joyce says with a hesitant smile, and you shake your head, because you truly do want a break. The kids are all playing with James, despite the drinks in their hands, and you, for the first time in you donât know how long, have nothing to do.Â
âThe winner has arrived! And he brought pie.â Eddie yells as he comes through the door, and the kids all yell, which worries you for a second that James will get startled. But he joins in on the screaming, and when Oliver starts fussing Karen puts the bottle to his lips and he calms immediately. Youâre a little lost, so you down your drink and then let Steve lead you over to the front of the house to get another one.Â
âAre you alright?â Steve asks again, and you nod as you refill your drink. You take a long gulp, then look at him.Â
âI have never had this kind of support.â You tell him, and you watch as his face crumples.Â
âI didnât have it for a long time. You know about my parents,â He trails off, and you lean against the table, reaching your free hand out to touch his face. âThe fact that we have it now,â He doesnât finish this sentence either, and you nod, letting him lean his forehead toward your own. The two of you stand like that, enjoying your first moment without the kids screaming at you since Oliver was born. There are still the sounds of The Party arguing, Eddie telling the others about his pie and Karen cooing over Oliver. It all seems to be outside of your bubble and in slow motion, and you lean your chin up to press your lips together. Youâve missed this kind of kiss, the kind that wasnât a hello or goodbye but just because, an I-love-you-so-much-I-canât-contain-myself kiss. Itâs glorious, everything youâve been missing, and you press your body closer to Steve as he puts his hand on your hip.Â
âOh my God, you guys live together! Pack it up!â Dustin cries, and as you part slowly from Steve you almost turn to hit Dustin.Â
âDustin! What is your damage?â Robin smacks his shoulder, and he at least has the decency to flinch.Â
âWhat? I donât want to see that all night. And theyâre scarring poor James.â You look over to see James happily playing with his favorite person, Max, and you feel more irrational anger build up.Â
âCan you not just leave us alone for three goddamn seconds?â Steve asks, and Dustin rolls his eyes.Â
âFine. We can do the cashout now and leave you alone, I guess.â He pulls out his wallet, filled with cash from the babypool, and you scoff.Â
âThat still has to do with us! Ya know, considering weâre the ones who made the thing you bet on.â You take a long drink of whateverâs in your cup, trying to calm yourself down.Â
âShould have entered it then.â Dustin shrugs, then walks over to Max. You inhale sharply, about to tell off the little punk, but then Steveâs hands are back on your shoulders, massaging them so smoothly that you have no choice but to relax into his touch.Â
âHeâs not worth it, babe. Trust me, heâll never see the light.â Steve tells you, and you manage a small laugh before turning in his arms, letting him hold you.Â
âDo you think weâll win the Babypool next time?â You whisper, face resting against his chest as his hands gently rub up and down your back. He pauses as you talk, freezing.Â
âNext time?â He mutters, pulling back to look down at you without separating. You blink slowly, feeling the alcohol - you havenât had any in over a year.Â
âWhat happened to your six nuggets?â You ask, and Steve melts a little in your arms.Â
âI thought we had our hands full with two.â He tells you, and you shrug as you lean up and kiss him again.Â
âWe do. But maybe we can lean on our support system a little more.â You look around at the kids, who arenât kids anymore, playing with James, and the moms fawning over Oliver. When you look back, Steve is smiling, eyes watery in a way that scares you slightly. âWhat? Do you not want more kids?â You guess, pulling away. But Steve holds on tight, shaking his head.Â
âYouâre back.â He whispers, hands gripping you tightly. You frown, confused.Â
âWhat does that mean?âÂ
âAfter you had Ollie, I was so worried you were never going to escape your head again. I didnât know how to help you. But now you want more kids, which, we need to seriously talk about, because I donât know if I can watch you go through that again, babe-â You just pull him close, putting your head against his chest and holding him tight. Maybe you had retreated in on yourself after Oliver, but you had Steve to fall back on. And you are so thankful for that.Â
âItâll be okay.â You tell him, and ofr the first time ever, you well and truly believe that.Â
And then Oliver cries.Â
You pull away, going to him as Joyce and Karen try to calm him down. âItâs okay, donât you worry,â Theyâre telling you, but you canât help the way your heart is lurching with every cry that comes out of Oliverâs mouth.Â
âItâs okay, thank you guys for taking him this long.â You smile, and they smile back, handing over your baby. Steve his behind you, one hand on your back. You turn to him, feeling lighter than you have in awhile but still worn down. âIâm gonna take him to a quiet room.â You say, and Karen jumps forward.Â
âThe guest room is right over there, on the first floor.â She smiles, and you nod, thanking her again. Steve rubs your back as you move away, keeping his steps in time with yours.Â
âShould I stay with you?â He asks, and you shrug.Â
âYou donât have to. You can go hang out.â You donât want to make Steve stay with you; youâre used to these sort of things. Missing out because your son is overstimulated, or because you need to feed him or he needs a nap.Â
âHey, heâs my son too. Iâll be there.â Steve opens the door to the guest room for you, and you go in completely shocked still that you arenât alone. How you keep forgetting, you have no idea, but every time it shocks you how many people care about you, care about your sons.Â
âSo, another baby.â Steve says as you put Oliver on the bed. You realize you donât have a bottle, and you canât breastfeed because youâve been drinking. Just as you turn around, Steve is there, holding the bottle with a smile. You take it, relieved, and sit next to Ollie as you place the bottle in his mouth. Heâs too little to hold it up, but he tries, his little hands grasping greedily at it. You smile, then look back at Steve and remember what he had just said.
âDo you still want more kids?â You ask, looking back at Oliver. If youâre being honest, you donât know if you want more kids. If Steve had asked you this morning, you would have told him to sleep on the couch until further notice. But you needed this reminder of your support system, of Steveâs love and devotion, to put things in perspective for you.Â
"You scared me with Ollie, I wonât lie.â Steve chuckles, sitting down on the other side. He looks so much like Steve, but his nose has the same little curve as Jamesâ. His mouth has the same smile. His eyebrows curve the same way. It makes your chest tight, to realize that you hadnât completely messed your life up with one mistake. You may have even improved it. âBut that dream of six kids, of having a basketball team with just our family and going camping every summer? I canât say itâs dimmed just because Ollie has a set of lungs.â You chuckle, smiling at your son who kicks his legs as if he can understand. âItâs ultimately up to you, though. I would never put you through something you donât want to go through.â Warmth rushes through you at this, and you breathe deeply as you think about what exactly youâre going to tell Steve. Itâs quiet in the room, the only sound Oliverâs suckling, and you finally look up.Â
âI think you would be a great girl dad.â You say quietly, and watch as Steveâs eyes widen slowly.Â
âCan I be honest?â Steve whispers, and you nod, heart racing at the revelations revealed today. Not everything will change, and it wonât be sudden. But you know you need to rely on others more, and you intend to do just that to get Baby #3 on the way. âCan we start right now? Because youâve never looked hotter.â He says it so sincerely, and you laugh even as your cheeks heat. You lean over Oliver, just like you leaned over James the first time you kissed. And when you think about it, youâre pretty sure it was in this house, in this room. How insane time is.Â
~
After dinner is served, and Steve had gotten you a plate so you could eat alone for the first time since you had Oliver. Karen and Joyce had taken him back, and then Robin and Nancy had taken him while the moms ate. Steve had fed James, who was starting to get tired. So tired, in fact, that not even Maxâs premise could keep him from going off the edge. He was done, and it was about to be everyoneâs problem.Â
âI think weâre going to head out.â You tell Nancy and Robin, taking Oliver back. They frown, standing up to hug you.Â
âMy mom loves Oliver so much. Please use this to our advantage and have her watch him so we can go out soon.â She says, and you smile. You need to go out with them desperately, to have time away from the kids, and youâre going to do this before you and Steve have another kid.Â
âAlso,â Robin starts, grabbing your shoulders. âWe need to talk about the wedding. I know youâve been busy, but we know that you want to get married before you have any more kids. So, that needs to be soon.â She smiles, as if she can see right through you, and you chuckle, thanking them both.Â
âI promise, we will go out more. And if I ever need any help, I know exactly who to call.â You grin as they both hug you around Oliver, and you feel so full you could practically burst.Â
You and Steve say the rest of your goodbyes, until you finally get to the door, where Karen and Joyce are waiting with hands full of food containers.Â
âThese are for you guys.â Karen smiles, and you can only blink.Â
âWe can help take them to your car.â Joyce says when neither you nor Steve answer. Steve nods, and he carries James as you carry Oliver to the car. He puts James in, then takes Oliver from you. You turn to Joyce and Karen, confusion still running through your mind.
âWhy are you guys doing all this for me?â You ask, watching their faces fall slightly. They had bought formula, and taken care of your baby, and now theyâre giving you their food. You didnât deserve any of this.Â
âHoney,â Joyce says, putting the containers on the ground. Karen follows, the two of them stepping closer to you. âThis is what mothers do for their daughters.â She says it so simply, so matter of fact. Like there is no question, no arguing.Â
You burst into tears, right there in front of the Wheeler house on Thanksgiving.
You know the second he makes it back. You had heard rumors, but you didnât want to see him as Hardeen. You didnât want to see him until he was Obi-Wan. So, you waited until he was done with his surgeries, until everything was restored, right outside his door. You could tell he wasnât expecting you, still wearing a loose t-shirt and pants, nothing like the robes that he usually wears. Youâre wearing a simple night dress, not really appropriate for outside a room but you cannot care now.
âY/N, what a-â You slap him straight across the face before he has the chance to say anything, watching confusion roll across his face.Â
âHow dare you?â You ask, crossing your arms as you stare at him. He blinks, trying to figure out what youâre saying.Â
âI beg your pardon?â He doesnât move for fear of you lashing out at him again.Â
âYou let me think you died!â You push him, and suddenly he realizes how horrible that must have been for you.Â
âIâm sorry. It was only temporary.â He tries to soothe, but this just fires you up even more.Â
âTemporary?â You seethe, and he opens his mouth, realizing his mistake, but you beat him. âYou wanna hear something temporary? Your stay here. Go somewhere else.â You open the door and step inside quickly before you go to slam the door, but he uses the Force to catch it.Â
âThese are my rooms.â He tells you like it matters at this point.Â
âAnd you were my best friend. Best friends tell each other things.â Your throat catches, because you know what youâre keeping from him. You want to tell him, but you canât, at least not right now. And youâre not sure if itâs wise to out Palpatine, unsure where his loyalties lie.Â
âThe Council decided-â
âOh, âthe Councilâ this, âthe Councilâ that! I donât give a shit, Obi-Wan! You should have told me. You knew what I went through, and you put me through that.â Your voice starts to crack with emotion, and Obi-Wan suddenly pulls you close. Youâre shocked, but you wrap your arms around him, soaking him in. Youâre happy to have him back, even though he lied to you and hurt you.Â
âI should have told you.â He says finally, and it means so much for him to admit this, to take responsibility. You break down into tears, letting Obi-Wan hold you close. âIâm sorry. From now on, no more secrets.â He promises, and you donât say a word, your guilt weighing your heart down.
âYou scared me.â You break the silence after a couple moments, face still pressed to his chest. Your eyes are wet, and your heart is pounding.Â
âIâm sorry.â He apologizes again, hand moving up and down your back. âI wonât leave again. I promise.â He pulls away to push hair out of your eyes, and you know that right then is the moment you should kiss him. If there was ever a moment, itâs this one right now. His hand is still cradling your head, the other pressed against your back keeping you close. Your hands are holding tight to his shirt, and you take in his face, making sure it was all back to normal. His hair had grown through some weird science they had, and his voice was back to normal. You didnât want to know how they had transformed him into Rako Hardeen, so you didnât ask.Â
But his lips, those were definitely the same. You would know, with how much time you spent studying them. And his eyes, that had been how you knew something was up. You would recognize them anywhere.Â
You can barely breathe as you feel your body set on fire where his touch is, his fingers spreading from your ear to the back of your head. You want to kiss him, so bad you donât care what the consequences are, that youâre in the open outside his quarters.Â
âCan I stay tonight?â Obi-Wan is quiet, but youâre still shocked when he asks.Â
âTheyâre your rooms.â You whisper, afraid to move. Heâs looking across your whole face, and you work hard to keep your eyes on his.Â
âI feel that theyâre yours now too.â He admits, and you canât help yourself. It happens so fast you barely even register doing it, but suddenly youâre grabbing his shirt and pulling him in, his beard scraping your face as your lips press together.Â
Itâs better than you could have ever pictured it, his lips softer and more gentle than you anticipated. Thereâs no moment of hesitation on his part, nothing that gives you any doubt that he might not want to kiss you back because heâs doing it immediately. One of his hands goes to your waist, bunching your dress in his hand, and the other is in your hair, holding you close by the back of your head.
You donât break for a breath, donât even feel the lack of oxygen as you move one of your hands to Obi-Wanâs face, your hand feeling his facial hair. He pulls your body closer, and you almost go limp in his arms. You are pressed up against a Jedi Knight, the Jedi Knight that youâve wanted for years now. All you can think about is his body against yours, his lips moving in tandem with your own, his -Â
Something thuds in the hallway, and the two of you jump apart. Obi-Wanâs hand gets stuck in your hair, and you yelp as you pull away, moving into the room. He follows you, trying not to pull any more, and the door swings closed. You have no idea what was in the hallway, but right now you need to get Obi-Wanâs hand detached from you.Â
âStop moving!â He tries to grab your shoulder, but you have a hand on his wrist as you push him away.Â
âWhy is your finger so entangled?â You groan, and finally (with a few hair casualties) you get yourself detached from Obi-Wanâs hand. You sigh in relief, rubbing your head, before you widen your eyes, turning away from him.Â
What have you done?
You turn, mouth open to say something, and realize Obi-Wan is also about to talk. The two of you just stare at each other before someone at the door knocks, drawing both of your attention. You look back at each other, and you realize how bad this looks. And this time, unlike when you first came to the galaxy and you were sleeping on Obi-Wanâs couch, there is a real reason for you to be worried about company.Â
You donât have to look in a mirror to know there is no smoothing down your hair with your hands, just like Obi-Wan doesnât need to pull at his shirt to realize that it wonât simply unwrinkle from the way you gripped him. His lips are a little swollen and you know yours are too, but even if all of that wasnât a dead give away, Obi-Wan has blush creeping from his cheeks all the way to his neck.
âWe have to answer that.â You say and then the door knocks again. Your heart is racing, having no idea who the hell is on the other side of that door.Â
âDo we?â Obi-Wan asks, and you smile slightly. Youâre about to agree when the knocking gets more intense.Â
âI know youâre in there, Obi-Wan. I saw you and Y/N in the hallway.â Anakin yells through the door, and your blood runs cold.Â
Anakin saw you and Obi-Wan kissing.Â
âFuck,â You say, and Obi-Wan can only nod at you before he goes to open the door for Anakin, who is smirking and looking more smug than you have ever seen him.Â
âYou two seemed busy.â He smiles, and you almost smack him across the face. If he saw, thereâs a large chance anyone else could have seen it.Â
âWhat do you need, Anakin?â Obi-Wan asks, not even entertaining his former-padawan.Â
âI came to tell you we have a new mission. Grievousâ army has attacked one of our allies. We need to be there to make sure heâs taken down.â Heâs serious now, and you feel your heart drop. The war is coming to Coruscant, and itâs making your heart race.Â
âHave Cody and Rex been contacted?â Obi-Wan looks down at his shirt, then looks around, as if something could magically change the fact that he looks like heâs just been kissed out of his mind. Youâre no better, and you can feel the scratches on your face from Obi-Wanâs beard.Â
âYes. Youâre the last one.â Anakin explains, and Obi-Wan nods, scraping a hand over his face.Â
âIâll be there soon.â He says to his former padawan, and Anakin nods. He pauses at the door, however, and you can see the smile threatening his face once more.Â
âSo, it just takes Obi-Wan faking his death for you two to figure it out?â He looks between you two, and you want to curl into a ball and die. You havenât figured out shit - you grabbed Obi-Wan and kissed him and you have no idea how he feels about you.Â
âGoodbye, Anakin.â Obi-Wan shuts it down, and you smooth down your hair - as if itâll help now.Â
âHave some fun tonight. Could be the last time we see each other before the war ends.â Anakin seems happy, but Obi-Wan doesnât care.
âIt worked though, didnât it?â Anakin smiles like the little shit he is, and if you were more invested you would chase after him as he runs down the hallway.Â
When you go back into Obi-Wanâs rooms, heâs got a new set of robes on and his hair is smoothed out. Itâs almost as if all the evidence of you is gone, and you try not to react to this.Â
âI have to go. Iâm sorry to leave you again.â Obi-Wan says, and you pause. You hadnât realized what Anakin had come to say, and now your heart ached.Â
âItâs okay.â You tell him, but itâs not. You donât want him to leave, not when you just got him back again. Not when youâve finally kissed him. But the galaxy is at war, and Anakin said this could be the end. You can talk about your feelings (miniscule in comparison to whatâs at stake here) at a later time. When the war is over, youâll have plenty of time for personal things.Â
âIâll call you.â He promises as he walks out the door, which shocks you. You donât have the time to ask him how.
You try not to be upset about the fact that he didnât even sleep in his bed, that it still smells like you and not him and now heâs leaving once more.Â
âGood luck.â You say, wanting to do something more, to let him leave with something more, but youâve already pressed your luck with the first kiss. As much as you want to talk to him about it, you canât right now.Â
âWe say, âmay the Force be with you.ââ He explains, and you nod. You still donât understand the Force, even after all this time, but you know how important it is for him.Â
âMay the Force be with you, Obi-Wan.â You tell him, and he stares at you for a moment, his expression unreadable.Â
âMay the Force be with you, Y/N.â He nods, then leaves, and the emptiness returns to your heart with a vengeance.Â
âThey were kissing?â She asks, and Anakin nods. âWhere?âÂ
âOutside Obi-Wanâs quarters. I think itâs the first time sheâs seen him since he got back.â Anakin feels like a youngling gossiping before Master Yoda found them.Â
âOh, yeah.â He nods, and she notices heâs being strange. Before she can ask, Anakin takes a deep breath and lets it out. âBecause I went into Obi-Wanâs room after,â He canât even explain how the two looked, how it was so obvious that they were into the kiss completely.Â
Itâs rough when the Jedi leave, since theyâre usually not gone for such a long time at the same time. If Obi-Wan was gone, Anakin would at least be there, and vice versa. But with the war picking up speed for the final battle, it was only expected that they would both be gone.Â
âObi-Wan?â You ask softly, confused about the change in topic.Â
âAnakin told me about what happened when he came back from the assasination attempt mission.â She has a smirk on her face, and thereâs no denying what she knows. You canât even try to. But, you can change the topic to question her.Â
âOh?â You look into your drink, not wanting to show your cards. âAnakin told me about your plot to get us together.â You turn to her, and she stares wide eyed, mouth agape. She clearly hadnât been expecting that.Â
âHow did you,â She starts, because she knows Anakin didnât just simply tell you. You had to have figured it out somehow, and sheâs waiting to see if youâre mad.Â
âIt worked, didnât it!â She argues, and you laugh.Â
âI guess it may have worked a little.â You sigh, but you honestly donât know yet if it worked. Obi-Wan only kissed you back - heâd been in love with Satine. Surely he would have said something if he had feelings for you. But you didnât have a lot of time before he had to leave, and thus you donât have a clear read on his feelings.Â
âItâs harder than it usually is, I think.â She tells you, and you nod. âItâs almost worse that itâs the end, because if something happens after all this time,â She chokes on emotion a little, and you put a hand on her leg.Â
âAnakin is very resourceful. Heâll be okay.â You try to comfort her, and she nods, not meeting your eyes.
âYou must be worried about Obi-Wan.â You know sheâs not trying to get information out of you, but your old habits are creeping back in after the stressful past months youâve been having. You have to physically fight against your shoulders which are threatening to rise.
âAfter I had to watch him die, I donât think it could get worse than that. So Iâm optimistic that the war will soon end, and Iâll be able to enjoy this galaxy the way it was meant to be.â You explain looking out and wondering where the Jedi must be now.Â
âAh, Senator. Congrats on your win.â Chancellor Palpatine greets you when walk into his office, having been summoned by one of his assistants.Â
âThank you, Chancellor.â You donât want to anger him, donât want to make him somehow upset and push him into using his blackmail.Â
âIâm sure youâre wondering why I called you here today.â The Chancellor never moves quickly, and you try not to lose your mind as he slowly moves to the other side of his desk, keeping you on your toes. You try not to show how it makes you react. You donât speak, and you think this may frustrate him, but he doesnât show it. âIâm giving you your first task.â You try not to freak out, especially because Obi-Wan wasnât even here. Chances were, he wouldnât be here for whatever you had to do.Â
âI didnât need your help to win.â You say, because it wonât help, but you want him to know that you could have done it on your own.Â
âYou may not have needed it, but you and I both know you need me for other things.â He says it like itâs a diplomatic deal, and you resist the urge to simply kill him. You donât say another word, just stare at him, and he hums as he makes you wait.
âI know about the Red Room.â Palpatine finally says, and it almost knocks you off your feet. You stop breathing for a second, staring at him and trying to figure out how exactly he found out about it. âAnd I know you were a Black Widow, which you feel is very similar to the Jedi.â How he figured this all out, you donât know. What you do know is thereâs no denying this. Now, not only does Palpatine have evidence of Obi-Wanâs treasonous feelings against the Jedi Order, but he also knows about your past. You close your eyes to give yourself a moment of peace, because you know your world is about to fall apart.Â
Any path you take now, it will end with your heart broken. If the Chancellor is bringing up your feelings about the Jedi, then he will be asking you to go against them. And if you donât, then Obi-Wan will never see the beautiful post-war peacefulness you envisioned for the two of you. He wonât want it if you go along with Palpatine, but at least heâll still be a Jedi.Â
âWhat do you want?â You seethe, not caring for niceties anymore. Clearly the Chancellor doesnât care, so why should you?
âItâs really quite easy. All I need you to do is propose a Plan of Action at the next Senate Meeting.â He says it like heâs asking you to go get him a glass of water. You wait for the other shoe to drop, because thereâs no way this is it. You know he expects you to ask, to lose your mind, which is why you stand with your arms crossed and wait for him to finish speaking. âA plan to force the Jedi to take their Younglings later in life. Iâm sure you agree with this, having been told about how early theyâre ripped from their homes?â Palpatine knows too much, and youâll give him credit for finding all of this out without you realizing. But you know that thereâs no way this is it, and now you canât help but ask.Â
âWhat else?â You watch Palpatine smile, and it doesnât look quite right. You try not to beg, but you want to, just to get out of this situation and get back to Obi-Wanâs rooms.Â
âThatâs all.â He answers, standing behind his desk. âIâm glad youâre able to see things my way with little persuasion.â He tells you, and you turn around before you do something that youâll regret.Â
But damn if you donât fantasize about killing him painfully just a little.Â
Sheâs already there, wearing a flowing dress and a cloak over top. You had opted for a loose dress with intricate stitching, a cape attached. It felt like a lot to wear, but this was a Senate meeting. You had even put a round headpiece in your hair, hoping the illusion of an angel would make less people hate you for what you were about to do.Â
All you have to do is hit the button that signals to the Chancellor that you have a Plan of Action. Heâs already talking about Jedi, so you do it now, not wanting to risk him catching you off guard.Â
âThank you, Chancellor.â You say as you stand, the platform youâre on moving to the center of the room. Your voice is amplified by the microphone in front of you, and for a second you think you canât do this. You canât make a proposal like this.Â
âThe Younglings are too young to be taken from their families. I propose the Jedi must wait until the child can fully understand the commitment theyâre being thrown into.â You donât know how to articulate your real feelings on this matter; on one hand, you knew how it felt to be ripped from your home and forced into something because of how you were born. On the other hand, Obi-Wan had explained to you why they took the children so young, and you had no idea what repercussions this may have on the Jedi.Â
âInteresting,â The Chancellor says over the outrage of other Senators. The Jedi are out protecting you, and you stomped on it like you didnât care.Â
âWith all due respect, Chancellor Palpatine, the Jedi cannot be made to change a rule.â Master Windu says, standing from his seat. He seems very upset, and you feel even worse now.Â
âActually, the Chancellor was granted emergency charge over the Jedi while the war is still waning.â The creature next to Palpatine says, and you suddenly realize what this power play was about. You feel dizzy as it all slams into you, and you have to grip the controls in front of you.
Palpatine is going to control the Jedi completely now.Â
âBut we canât be taking a Plan of Action from a Senator who barely knows the Jedi way.â Master Windu argues, and you agree. You just hope he can win this fight.Â
âI think we need to take into consideration Senator Arderâs point. The Jedi should not be allowed free reign of where they go and who they help, just because their Council decides.â Your eyes widen and your stomach drops, because this was way different than what you had proposed originally.Â
âWait, I didnât say-â
âThe Jedi are not soldiers, they are peacekeepers.â Master Windu says, and you step back, knowing how out of hand this has gotten.Â
âAnd yet, youâre more soldiers and less peacekeepers as the war rages on.â The Chancellor says, and you can tell Master Windu wants to say something back but keeps his mouth shut in the interest of preserving the Jedi reputation. âLetâs bring it to a vote, shall we?â The Chancellor asks, and your platform is being moved back. You jolt, falling into your seat, thinking about what you just did to protect Obi-Wan. And he doesnât even know, so heâs going to be upset.Â
âWhat was that?â She asks, seething. The Plan of Action had passed, and you felt sick thinking of the powers you had just granted Palpatine. It wasnât about changing the age for the Younglings, he had twisted it to be in full control of the Council.
âI donât expect you to understand.â You start with, because she was the last person you would have ever told. She would have found a way out of this, and instead you played right into it.Â
âTry me.â Sheâs sitting on the couch, crossing her arms while you pace in front of her.Â
âWe need to tell the Jedi Council about this.â She says, but you shake your head.
âIf he realizes that I crossed him, heâll release the hologram. And heâll tell everyone Iâm not from Naboo, that Iâm not even from this galaxy.â The possibilities of him ruining your life, ruining Obi-Wanâs, flash before you, and you almost double over.Â
âOh my God!â You scream when you walk into Obi-Wanâs rooms a couple days later, seeing a hologram of him erupting from a black device youâve never touched on the coffee table.Â
âY/N! Iâve been waiting for you to come back, where have you been?â Obi-Wan asks as you shut the door, walking fully into the room.Â
âI was training. I didnât know you would randomly call me. I didnât even know this is how you could call.â You tell him, grabbing the black device and putting it on the ground to make it seem like he was there with you.Â
âWhat did you say in the Senate meeting?â Obi-Wan asks immediately, and you pause, shocked. You knew the news would get back to him, but you hadnât expected it so soon.Â
âObi-Wan, that got taken out of context.â You try, but he shakes his head. You can tell heâs distressed, that the battle is taking a toll on him and you have definitely made it worse.Â
âWhy would you even bring up the Jedi?â He seems betrayed, and you know that he has every right to be. âI know you compare them to the Red Room, but I thought we talked about that. I thought if you ever had another issue, you would come to me.â He seems so genuinely hurt by this, and you wonder if you will ever be able to repair your friendship unless you tell him why you did it.Â
âI would.â You say quietly, unable to look at the hologram. Obi-Wan is quiet, and so are you, and you wish he was actually there with you.Â
âThen why didnât you?â He asks quietly, and you take a deep breath. This could be the end of everything, but you know if you donât tell him then thereâs no salvaging anything.Â
âObi,â You start, then take a deep breath. âI was asked by the Chancellor to bring this Plan of Action up. Because he has a holo of you teaching me how to wield your lightsaber. And if I donât do what he asks, he will take it to the Jedi Council.â You watch your words sink in, Obi-Wanâs face masking the horror you know he must be feeling. He knows just as well as you that the video isnât innocent, and the Council wonât see it as two friends sharing knowledge.Â
âWhy wouldnât you tell me?â Youâre in shock that he would ask that as his first question, and you stand still for a moment. Heâs not mad at you for following Palpatine, or for the Plan of Action. Heâs upset you didnât tell him.
âI didnât want you to feel guilty. Thereâs nothing we can do without outing you.â You explain, and Obi-Wanâs hand goes to his beard, stroking it to show how deep in thought he is.Â
âI could have come up with a plan for you,â He turns away, and you canât help but close your eyes against the guilt you feel.Â
âI couldnât let the Council use this against you.â Your voice is tight, but youâre able to get the words out.Â
âAnd now, the Jedi will face changes that can have dire consequences.â He snaps, and you try to take a deep breath. Heâs just angry, you know this, and he has every right to be.Â
âOnce the war is over, Palpatine will have to give up his power, and the Jedi can go back to being Peacekeepers in the galaxy.â You want to ask where he will go, but you donât dare press your luck now.Â
âWe donât know when the war will be over. Maybe this is the last battle, but if we lose against Grievous, the war will stretch on.â He tells you, and you nod.Â
âIf you donât defeat him now, how much longer do you think the war will last?â You ask, and Obi-Wan sighs, turning his full body back to you.Â
âI donât know. I wish I could say not long, but weâve been hunting Grievous for years and he has evaded us every time.â He seems almost defeated already, even though he hasnât lost yet.Â
âWhen the war is over, Palpatine will likely do what he must to stay in power.â You tell Obi-Wan, letting him in on your suspicion that the Chancellor may not be in the Galactic Senate for the right reasons.Â
âIâve gotten that feeling too.â Obi-Wan confirms, and you nod.Â
âIf he threatens us, I will do everything I can to keep the Council from seeing the holo.â You leave out the part where you tell him that you are assuming he would stay with the Order. If Obi-Wan were to leave the Jedi way, the video wouldnât matter.
âWe will cross that bridge when we come to it.â He tells you, which makes you feel even more guilty. âFor now, I want you to tell me if he asks you anything else.â Obi-Wan tells you, and you nod.Â
âI will. Iâm sorry for not telling you before.â You once again wish he was really there, because apologizing to this hologram isnât the same.
âItâs alright, I understand.â He comforts, and you resist the urge to look away. âI will end this war for you. I know youâve only known war in the galaxy, and there is so much more to see.â He promises, and your heart beats out of your chest.Â
I will end this war for you.
âObi?â You almost chicken out of what youâre going to say, so you rush it out quickly. âI donât care where I am in the galaxy, or if you stay with the Jedi Order, as long as Iâm with you.â And while youâre not sure how much any of that would work, you know itâs the truth. You need Obi-Wan, in any way heâll give it to you.Â
âI feel the same.â He says, and itâs the closest the two of you have ever come to admitting your feelings. Before anything else can be cleared, however, thereâs a pounding noise on his end. He turns his head to something you canât see, then looks back at you. âI must go now. Thereâs only so much time Rex and Cody can stall for.â Your cheeks start to heat at the thought of the clones having to cover for the two Jedi Generals to talk to their women, but you try not to think about it too hard.
âBe careful, Obi. May the Force be with you.â You almost reach out to touch him before you remember that this is just a hologram, and Obi-Wan isnât really here.
âI will.â Obi-Wan promises, and then the hologram cuts out, leaving you alone in his quarters. Itâs quiet, and you want to let all your emotions out. You almost do, but you know it wonât do anything to help your predicament.Â
You and Obi-Wan will find a way out from underneath Palpatineâs thumb, and when you do, maybe youâll finally talk about your feelings.
tags: @dreamingof-angels @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
if you've seen clone wars, you know where this is going
Obi-Wan wishes there was another way.Â
He hadnât exactly signed up for this mission, but he also hadnât said no. And part of that was because he felt like he couldnât say no to the Jedi Council, but part of it is because despite what heâs going to go through, what heâs going to put everyone through, he canât betray the Republic by saying no. He became a Jedi to protect and serve, and he will do exactly that.Â
âRequested specifically by the Chancellor, you were.â Yoda tells Obi-Wan as he sits in the mission room, only himself, Yoda and Mace Widu. They will be the only Jedi informed on this mission, due to the confidential nature. But the fact that Palpatine knew, that he had requested Obi-Wan specifically?Â
âWhat do you mean?â Obi-Wan asks, trying to calm himself because even reaching out through the Force, he has no idea what Yoda and Winduâs feelings are about the Chancellor.Â
âThe Chancellor knows about the plan for his kidnap. He asked that you be the Jedi on this mission.â Master Windu tells him, and he takes a moment to breathe before he changes the subject, because even talking about the fact that Palpatine played a part in this makes him want to shake in anger.Â
âAnakin should not know about this.â He tells them. He thinks about this plan, the way theyâre going to attempt to stop the Separatists from kidnapping the Chancellor. And no one can even know about it.Â
âI agree.â Master Windu says with a nod, hand on his chin. He shares a look with Master Yoda, one Obi-Wan canât quite decipher. What else could possibly be going on?
âYour Senator friend kept in the dark, we think is best.â Master Yoda says, and Obi-Wan pauses before he realizes theyâre talking about you.Â
âWhat does Y/N have to do with this?â He asks, knowing that telling them youâre not a Senator yet will do nothing for his case. He will need to tell you about this, and he knows youâll keep it a secret. âWas this your idea, or the Chancellorâs?âÂ
âClose with her, you are.â Master Yoda says, nodding at the two other Jedi. Obi-Wan furrows his brows. Where, exactly, were they going with this? If they were going to accuse him, they would do it outright. He knows that heâs already overreacted to this, but he needs to know who exactly put this into place. He no longer trusts this mission.Â
But it washes over him like cool water - there is nothing he can do.Â
âJust like Anakin, her reaction will be needed to sell your cover.â Master Windu explains, and Obi-Wan doesnât know what to say. He doesnât agree, but he also doesnât disagree. He doesnât want this mission to fail, to put everyone at risk, most of all the Chancellor. The fate of the Republic could fall on his shoulders, and all he has to do is not tell you about the plan.Â
Easier said than done.Â
âShe is not a Jedi, she does not know how to take loss.â He wants to tell them that youâve already had to take so much loss in your life, that it isnât fair to add more loss that will only cause you pain. But explaining that will certainly give away any feelings he has for you, ones that arenât love but are stronger than they should be. Too strong for a Jedi, especially one on the Council.Â
âStrong, she is.â Master Yoda says, and Obi-Wan knows heâs lost this battle. He cannot fight this one, and he must yield. âBe okay, she will. Not forever, this is.â The green Jedi informs him, and he nods. Heâs right, this mission is not forever. A month, at most. The Festival of Light is when they would make their move if they were smart. And then he replays the words that have been said, and he realizes just what they mean.Â
âYou said her reaction has to be authentic,â He starts, hoping against all odds that heâs wrong about this. âYou donât mean that she has to be thereâŠâ He trails off, because he can tell by their faces that they do mean exactly what heâs saying. Youâre going to have to watch this happen. Even though you never asked for it, and youâre not even a Jedi, you will have to sacrifice something for the Jedi, for the Republic, and you wonât know it.Â
âWeâre truly sorry, Obi-Wan, but this is what is required of you.â Master Windu says, and Obi-Wan wants to shake him, tell him to wake up and realize how different this is for him than it would be for anyone else.
âSheâs not going to go easily. Sheâs notâŠâ Obi-Wan doesnât know how to explain to the other Jedi that you wonât let him go without a fight. âSheâs been trained in many ways, she knows better than to let it go.â He explains, but he can tell the other Masters are not concerned.Â
âTake care of it, we will.â Master Yoda says, and Obi-Wan knows heâs lost. Thereâs nothing for him to fight anymore. The Chancellor has requested him for this, and now two of the most powerful Jedi are standing there, waiting for him to agree and prepare for the next month.Â
âVery well.â Obi-Wan nods, dropping his head and looking at the ground. He doesnât want to do this mission, doesnât want to lie to the people closest to him, but he will if it means that the Galactic Republic wonât fall. If it means you and all his friends will be safe. âOnly the people in this room will be informed. And Iâll ensure that she is there.â He says, not able to look up, trying to process his mission. This is one of the hardest missions he will have to go on, and heâs worried about what heâll have to go through.Â
What heâs going to put you through, now that he canât tell you, now that youâll have to witness it.
âI will reach out to our bounty hunter then, and give you the date to start.â Master Windu stands, and the meeting is over. Obi-Wan finally lifts his head, taking a deep breath, and hoping he can make this quick. He knows thereâs no use in hoping itâs painless.Â
âWhere are we going?â Youâre on the back of Obi-Wanâs speeder, holding onto him. He had asked you to come with him and Anakin that night, and you had agreed, still slightly guilty about the fact that you were working with Palpatine. Anakin was next to you, and you looked around for anything that could be out of place.Â
âWeâre just on a routine check.â Obi-Wan tells you, but you can feel something is off. Heâs tense, and his knuckles are white against the handles. Heâs keeping something from you, the same way youâre keeping something from him. So you donât push him, trying your hardest not to press yourself to him while you hold him.Â
âObi,â You start, not sure where youâre going, but then you realize youâre being shot at. Obi-Wan drifts to the side as he brakes, and you hold tight to avoid being thrown over the side. He grabs you off the speeder and pushes you behind him as he presses against the wall of the building, Anakin following suit.Â
âDid you see who it was?â Obi-Wan asks, looking over at Anakin.Â
âBounty Hunter, Iâd assume.â Anakin peaks over, and a shot almost takes his head off before he pulls himself back.Â
âIâll follow him, you go right.â Obi-Wan tells Anakin, and you frown.Â
âWhat about me?â You ask, pulling your blaster out of the pants you had worn tonight. Obi-Wan seems worried for a second, and you almost tell him thereâs no reason to, but heâs talking too quickly.Â
âWeâre jumping to the top, so you can be ground support.â It sounds stupid, like a job you give a toddler to get them out of the way, but the Jedi are jumping to the top of the buildings and running after the bounty hunter, whoâs shooting backwards. You sprint with them, making sure to get a good look at the guy. You see his light skin, his jutting cheekbones and face tattoo. You try to take aim, but youâre also keeping up with the Jedi and you miss your first uphill shot.Â
The bounty hunter hides behind something on the roof, and you pause, looking around to try and find Obi-Wan. As your eyes scan the top of the building, you see Obi-Wan move from his hiding place, you have no time to do anything. You feel like youâre in slow motion, your blaster coming up as you turn to find the bounty hunter. He has his gun already trained, though, and you shoot too quickly, hoping to get him quick enough that he wonât hit Obi-Wan. But you should have known better, you should have been practicing shooting instead of hand-to-hand combat, but you feel like youâve never been under this much pressure. Your mind is blank as all the oxygen leaves your body at once, the reality of what is going to happen because of you absolutely crushing your lungs. You swear you can see the blast leave the bounty hunterâs gun, and you watch as it hits Obi-Wan right in the chest.Â
And then he falls off the roof, right in front of you.Â
âObi!â You shriek, forgetting all about the bounty hunter. You step forward to him, dropping your blaster as your hands go to his bearded face. He landed roughly, but youâre not worried about broken limbs. His eyes are closed, and thereâs a hole singed into his robes right over his heart. âObi, open your eyes.â You beg, heart in your throat. You canât think rationally to do any life saving things, because you just watched Obi-Wan Kenobi get shot and fall off the building and now heâs not breathing. Heâs a Jedi, he doesnât die from something small like this. You hear Anakin land beside you, and you watch him move your hand to take his pulse. You hold your breath as you wait for him to feel something. Anything.Â
âThereâs no pulse.â Anakin whispers, unable to look away from his Masterâs closed eyes. âSomethingâs not right.â He leans back, breathing heavily. You have no idea what Anakin is talking about, all you know is that you need Obi-Wan to open his eyes and hold you close. This is not right.
âObi-Wan,â You know Anakin just checked his pulse, but you have to feel for yourself. You push your hand against his neck so hard it would bruise, but you donât care. You have to find a pulse. âObi, please,â Youâre not sure if your voice is calm or if youâre even talking, because your vision is swimming as your fingers find nothing. Your eyes are blurry⊠with `tears? Are you crying?
No. You need to calm down, to think rationally. Obi-Wan is gone, heâs dead, but his killer is still alive. You feel ice go through your veins, and your heart slows as you see red.
The bounty hunter is a dead man walking.
You grab Obi-Wanâs lightsaber, clipping it to your own belt and standing.Â
âWhat are you doing?â Anakin asks, still kneeling on the ground.Â
âIâm going to kill that man.â You say, your cold tone almost makes Anakin shiver.Â
âHeâs long gone by now. We need to get Obi-Wan back to the Temple, and then we can track him.â Anakinâs voice cracks as he speaks, and as much as you hate this, you know heâs right. You canât go off half cocked when you havenât even processed the loss of Obi-Wan; itâs exactly what you did with Bucky, and look where that got you. You suddenly feel that bubble of rage pop, letting those emotions you had worked so hard to push down crawl back up your best.Â
âAnakin,â You whisper, feeling the tears rise. Obi-Wan is lifeless behind him, and you can barely stand to see it.Â
âY/N,â He repeats your tone, and you fall to the ground, straight into his arms, and start crying.Â
But for now, you sob against the dark robes of Anakin Skywalker over Obi-Wan, and everything youâve never been able to tell him, never will be able to tell him now.Â
Your heart breaks irreparably.Â
âThatâs good, but you have to be more precise. Without the Force, youâll look like youâre just holding a sword.â Anakin has already shed his outer layers while the two of you spar with lightsabers, just as youâve been doing everyday since Obi-Wan has been gone. You go to Senate meetings, but you donât care to campaign. You know that with your deal with Palpatine youâll win anyway, so who cares? Youâd rather spend your time training.Â
âI donât care what it looks like, as long as it goes straight through Rako Hardeen.â You expect Anakin to flinch at this - you will be going against Jedi code, killing an unarmed being, as Obi-Wanâs assassin had been captured and brought in. Anakin is helping you train, and heâll help you plan, but because of the way youâre determined to get revenge for Obi-Wan, youâll be on your own when you break into the Coruscant prison and kill the bounty hunter. âBesides, he wonât have a lightsaber to fight me with. All this training is great, but Iâm ready to go now.â Youâve wanted to go after Hardeen since the day Obi-Wan was covered, which at first Anakin was on board with. Once the Jedi Council caught him before you and Anakin could and brought him back, unharmed, you had to switch plans. Anakin knows thereâs something wrong with everything about this situation, but you wonât listen to him.Â
âI still think we need to wait. Thereâs something weâre missing, something the Jedi Council has yet to tell me.â Anakin says, and you donât have time for his Force nonsense. It doesnât matter how long youâve been in this galaxy, youâre over it now. You donât understand it, and you donât care to understand it anymore.Â
âWell, Master, please tell me when youâd like to execute this plan. You know where to find me.â You turn Obi-Wanâs light saber off and carefully put it under your tunic, making sure itâs hidden before you march out of the room, leaving Anakin inside. You know he wonât follow, because youâve used one of his insecurities against him. You need to be alone, something youâve been needing a lot more recently, and luckily you get it, thanks to your top secret new living quarters.
Obi-Wanâs old rooms.
You have no idea if and when theyâll come to take his things. You donât know if the Jedi know youâve been staying here. But you needed to be alone, and maybe you needed the comfort of Obi-Wanâs room, the first room you woke up in when you were transported to this galaxy.Â
Obi-Wan had been the one to rescue you. Without him, you probably would have been put in jail, believed to be a Separatist spy despite the fact that you had no idea what the hell that was. You understand his sacrifice, his selflessness more and more everyday, and it just makes you more guilty that you never told him about Palpatine, about how you two had been caught. You thought you were protecting him, but he deserved to know. He would have been able to help you, or at the very least he could have protected himself better.Â
You have a lot to do. You need to continue training, and you need to prepare to fully step into your role as a Senator. But just for a couple minutes, you press your face into Obi-Wanâs pillow and pretend he isnât gone, that heâs actually right beside you.Â
You pretend heâs sharing the bed, that you two had meant to this time and not accidentally fallen asleep. You pretend you can hear his gruff morning voice asking if you want any caf, and you even let yourself pretend to feel his hand on your waist. You pretend heâs not a Jedi in this fake world, and you pretend he kisses your neck gently.
You pretend heâs still alive, and you pretend you didnât have feelings for him when he died.
âI am not a Jedi. And I am not bound by any rules. If I want revenge, I can take it.â You tell her, and she sighs.
âThis way of thinking is what leads to war. Hardeen is scum, of course, but killing him wonât bring Obi-Wan back. It wonât fix anything in your life.â You know sheâs right; killing has never fixed anything in your life, but you canât help the feeling that maybe if Hardeen was dead then youâd feel better, like you somehow avenged Obi-Wan.Â
âYou canât let your path of revenge take over your path of life.â She redirects, and you want to ask her what motivational book she took that from. Instead, you nod, lips pursed, as if youâre actually taking this in.Â
He hates having a different facial structure, and he hates opening his mouth and sounding like a different person. He misses his beard, and he really misses his lightsaber. Master Windu had told him that they were unable to recover it from his body, which confuses him. When he had taken the vital suppressors to fake his death, he was rendered unconscious for a short period of time. He could really only hear like he was in the clouds, and he doesnât know if he was dreaming or not. You were yelling, and then you were crying, and he knows that you and Anakin had both been occupied for a bit after his âdeathâ which could have been when his lightsaber was stolen. Heâll have to find it when he returns to Coruscant, because he is not keen on building another one.Â
Heâs already exhausted of Cad Bane and Malo Evalâs antics, feeling like the teacher in a group of school children. He doesnât trust them enough to sleep around them, and he always has anxiety about his disguise failing and them figuring out that heâs actually a Jedi. He thinks Cad Bane knows something is wrong, if only because Obi-Wan can hardly stand to look at his face after what he did to you.Â
But he needs to play his part of being Rako Hardeen, supposed Jedi killer.Â
Just thinking about having to explain this all to you, when you already donât fully trust the Jedi Order, makes him slightly sick. He will have to admit to how he knowingly faked his death in front of you. He will have to admit to his disguise, as the man who âkilledâ him. And he will have to admit that he did this all knowing it would hurt you. He can only hope you will understand the importance of this mission, how he was needed to save Palpatine and in turn keep the Republic from turning upside down.Â
And he canât do this with Anakin on his trail. He wishes he had told his former padawan about his mission; he should have known how headstrong Anakin would be. Anakin is following him, and of course the young Jedi is too good at flying to let the bounty hunters get away. Their ships are crashed, and Obi-Wan knows he has to get out and subdue Anakin before Cad Bane and Malo Eval try to kill him.Â
Squinting through the kicked up dust, he sees the bright blue of Anakinâs lightsaber. He can see two shadows, but then another lightsaber lights up behind the Jedi, and his breath catches.Â
Youâre there, standing with a murderous gaze, holding Obi-Wanâs lightsaber. For the first time since you got to Coruscant, he is fully aware of your history of being an assassin. He is fully aware that you could kill him, that you want to kill him.Â
âYou got your Jedi, Hardeen. Itâs my turn.â Cad Bane says, a sick look on his face as he pulls out a blaster. Obi-Wan feels his heart lurch, because you look a lot like a Jedi right now, but you are not one with the Force. If Cad Bane were to start shooting, you would not be able to block the shots.Â
So he does the only thing he can do and throws himself at you and Anakin, hoping youâre feeling merciful.Â
âYou sure you donât want Cad Bane? I know what he did to you.â Anakin looks over at you, but you're locked in on Rako Hardeen, on Obi-Wan. He wishes he went against the Council, that he told you anyway, and he almost gasps when you start to spin your lightsaber in a way that would fool even some Jedi into thinking you were one of them.Â
âI donât care about that blue bastard.â You sneer, moving out from Anakinâs protection. Obi-Wan almost blows his cover and shoots Cad Bane down just so he canât have the chance to kill you. âI want the so-called Jedi killer.â You donât let Anakin say anything else, moving forward to go at Obi-Wan. He has no idea how to defend himself other than by dodging, lucky that your moves are angry and harsh instead of quick and light. He assumes youâre fighting against his lightsaber in your hand, that because of your low connection with the Force itâs harder for you to wield it. But heâs only defending himself, never throwing a punch or even reaching for his blaster. Which is how you end up on top of Obi-Wan, hands raised over your head. He can get out of this, and he knows that if he canât convince you to drop your weapon heâll have to knock you out. Youâre shaking with rage, emotions higher than heâd ever seen, but heâd never even think to use a Jedi mind trick on you - not that it would work, anyway. But he wouldnât betray your trust, even in this situation.Â
âYou donât want to do this.â He says, but his voice is foreign. He isnât sure it will be enough, that you will understand what heâs trying to say. Youâre looking into his eyes, but youâre not bringing the lightsaber down on him, and he knows you can see something in his eyes. You must know that heâs not Rako Hardeen, or that Obi-Wan at the very least isnât dead.Â
âYou killed my best friend.â You say, a tear falling down your face even as your emotions show rage, not sadness. Obi-Wanâs heart stops, and he knows he should have told you. He made a mistake, even though he was following the Councilâs orders.Â
âPlease,â He begs, unable to say anything else. Youâre staring at him, like youâre not sure what to think, and he knows he canât risk it, canât risk you. He flips you over, grabs his lightsaber, and chokes you, feeling sick as he does it.Â
He doesnât want to do it. He doesnât want to hurt you, doesnât want to listen to your sounds of struggle, but he canât let you die. He would never forgive himself.Â
âDonât try to follow, Y/N. Iâll be back soon.â He whispers into your ear, hoping you understand that this is not Rako Hardeen, at the very least. He listens to you choke out one last breath before you go limp in his arms, and he allows himself only a second to hold you before setting you down gently. He quietly takes his lightsaber, then stands and looks to where Cad Bane and Anakin are fighting. Anakin looks over to see you passed out, and his eyes widen. Obi-Wan knows he wouldnât leave you behind, he wouldnât continue to fight while you're vulnerable. He watches Anakin use the Force to push back Cad Bane before running to you.Â
âIâll find you, Hardeen.â Anakin threatens as he stands over you, lightsaber raised. Cad Bane looks a little worse for wear, and Obi-Wan knows they need to get out of there.Â
It still hurts to leave you unconscious on the ground, but he has to, for the mission, and for your safety. Heâll worry about mending his relationship with you when he gets back.
When you wake up, you donât know what to feel. Youâre upset and angry and confused at what Rako Hardeen told you, his cryptic words rippling in your mind. Anakin is piloting the ship, an angry look on his face. The ship you brought didnât have any beds, so your neck is killing you from being slumped in the copilot seat.Â
âSomething is going on here.â You tell Anakin, noticing youâre already almost back to Coruscant. How much did you miss?
âI need to speak with the Jedi Council immediately.â He tells you when he enters Coruscant, landing the ship. You stretch yourself out, nodding.Â
âIâm coming with you.â You reach for Obi-Wanâs lightsaber to hide it from them, and you realize you donât have it anymore. Your eyes go wide as everything starts to click into place; why Hardeen had said what he did, why Anakin was conflicted with the Force, why you couldnât kill Hardeen, even though you had the perfect opportunity. But looking into his eyes, you just couldnât bring the lightsaber down. And now, the lightsaber is gone.Â
Youâre out of your seat the second the ship has touched down, emotions welling up that youâre forcing down as best you can.Â
âWhere are you going?â Anakin asks, but he knows youâre going to the Council. He just wants to know why. You donât answer, continuing your march to the Jedi. Theyâre going to be suspicious of your clothing, of why a Senator knows so much, but you donât care. Youâre angry, and hurt, and you wonât blow Obi-Wanâs cover but you wonât let the Council get away with thinking they can lie to you.Â
âYou!â You yell, seeing a familiar Jedi. Itâs Master Windu, who you had seen briefly when you were taken by Cad Bane. He turns, brows furrowed, but you are a woman on a mission. âWe need to speak. Privately.â You try to keep your seething anger out of your voice, but you know the Jedi can tell youâre far past angry.Â
âMay I ask what this is about?â Master Windu questions, seemingly in no hurry at all.Â
âYou may, but you will not like the answer being public knowledge.â You have his attention now, and Anakin follows you two into the room to talk.Â
âWhat is it, Senator?â The vote is tomorrow, but it seems everyone thinks youâll win anyway. Even without Palpatineâs stupid deal, you would have won. But he blackmailed you, and you had to take it.
âI know that Obi-Wan is alive. I know that heâs undercover.â You drop, and Master Windu stares at you like heâs not at all surprised.Â
âYouâre correct, Obi-Wan is alive and posing as Rako Hardeen in order to uncover sensitive information.â Is all he reveals, and you wonder if Obi-Wan took his lightsaber back for your own good, so you didnât kill anyone with it, because your anger is getting the best of you right now and if you had a weapon on you it would be bad news.
âWhy did you keep this from me?â Anakin steps up, and you remember heâs there. You want to ask why it was kept from you as well, but you know youâre not a Jedi, and you would have no right to know about it in the first place unless Obi-Wan told you. You wouldnât be left in the dark unless he was specifically told not to tell you.
âYou and the Senator were kept in the dark to sell the plan. Your reactions were vital for the beginning of Obi-Wanâs cover. It was Obi-Wanâs idea to keep you in the dark.â He says the last part to Anakin, but you wonder if itâs true of both of you. Why would he not want to tell you, unless he thought you couldnât be trusted? Did he still not believe your trustworthiness even with over a year of friendship?
âObi-Wan didnât trust me?â Anakin speaks your thoughts once more, and you want to leave. You wish you had your own rooms, to be away from Obi-Wan completely and think for yourself. But you have nothing for yourself, even after all this time; no quarters, not even a room. You feel so claustrophobic about being here suddenly as Anakin and Master Windu speak, so you decide to leave.
Youâve only had a couple moments of panic during your time in this galaxy, but Obi-Wan has always been there. Now, stumbling through the hallways, you see all these robes that look like Obi-Wanâs but arenât, these Jedi that remind you of him.Â
You thought he was dead. You truly believed he was gone for weeks. It made you sick; you barely ate as you trained to kill his assassin. To learn that heâs been alive this whole time, that you didnât hold his dead body or bury him at allâŠ
You can barely breathe as you stumble into Obi-Wanâs rooms, not sure if you should try to breathe or if you should just let it all out.Â
Obi-Wan, your best friend, thought you were untrustworthy. Just like everyone your whole life.
You fall to his bed, head in his pillow, and sob.Â
You win the Senate vote by a landslide, and you canât help but wonder how much of that you did yourself and how much of that Palpatine did. You wonder if he even did anything, or if he threatened your running mate as well. It doesnât matter anymore, because youâve won but youâre nothing more than a puppet.Â
âAs was I.â You say with a smile, trying your best to be the new, happy Senator.Â
âCorr was right, you look amazing in Naboo regalia.â Maro smiles, and you roll your eyes with what you hope is fondness.Â
âNot better than Senator Amidala, Iâm afraid.â You smile at her, and she smiles back at you, probably happy to see you feel any other emotion than anger.Â
He wants you for more than just being on his side. Youâve made a deal with the devil, and you canât tell anyone.
You feel sick, wanting fresh air even though youâre outside. You long for the days you were on the run from every government in the world, because at least then you had rest days. It was boring at times, but you canât remember the last time you were able to sleep for as long as you wanted, or do something that wasnât related to politics or training for an entire day. You suppose thatâs what happens when a war is raging on in an entire galaxy, but you canât help but be selfish and wish for just one day where you could sit with your friends and do nothing.Â
Heâs looking around, and then his blue eyes meet yours.Â
His whole face has been changed, the structure and the hair and his voice, and yet his eyes are the same. His eyes are light and gorgeous and you have so many emotions that you turn and you run, not caring where the Chancellor ends up.Â
I almost issued a formal apology in the beginning to you but I didnât want you to be too scared <3 I promise there will be fluff in the next part JUST for you (and also @shaquille-osteal consider this my formal apology and my promise that I will make it up to everyone)
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if you've seen clone wars, you know where this is going
Obi-Wan wishes there was another way.Â
He hadnât exactly signed up for this mission, but he also hadnât said no. And part of that was because he felt like he couldnât say no to the Jedi Council, but part of it is because despite what heâs going to go through, what heâs going to put everyone through, he canât betray the Republic by saying no. He became a Jedi to protect and serve, and he will do exactly that.Â
âRequested specifically by the Chancellor, you were.â Yoda tells Obi-Wan as he sits in the mission room, only himself, Yoda and Mace Widu. They will be the only Jedi informed on this mission, due to the confidential nature. But the fact that Palpatine knew, that he had requested Obi-Wan specifically?Â
âWhat do you mean?â Obi-Wan asks, trying to calm himself because even reaching out through the Force, he has no idea what Yoda and Winduâs feelings are about the Chancellor.Â
âThe Chancellor knows about the plan for his kidnap. He asked that you be the Jedi on this mission.â Master Windu tells him, and he takes a moment to breathe before he changes the subject, because even talking about the fact that Palpatine played a part in this makes him want to shake in anger.Â
âAnakin should not know about this.â He tells them. He thinks about this plan, the way theyâre going to attempt to stop the Separatists from kidnapping the Chancellor. And no one can even know about it.Â
âI agree.â Master Windu says with a nod, hand on his chin. He shares a look with Master Yoda, one Obi-Wan canât quite decipher. What else could possibly be going on?
âYour Senator friend kept in the dark, we think is best.â Master Yoda says, and Obi-Wan pauses before he realizes theyâre talking about you.Â
âWhat does Y/N have to do with this?â He asks, knowing that telling them youâre not a Senator yet will do nothing for his case. He will need to tell you about this, and he knows youâll keep it a secret. âWas this your idea, or the Chancellorâs?âÂ
âClose with her, you are.â Master Yoda says, nodding at the two other Jedi. Obi-Wan furrows his brows. Where, exactly, were they going with this? If they were going to accuse him, they would do it outright. He knows that heâs already overreacted to this, but he needs to know who exactly put this into place. He no longer trusts this mission.Â
But it washes over him like cool water - there is nothing he can do.Â
âJust like Anakin, her reaction will be needed to sell your cover.â Master Windu explains, and Obi-Wan doesnât know what to say. He doesnât agree, but he also doesnât disagree. He doesnât want this mission to fail, to put everyone at risk, most of all the Chancellor. The fate of the Republic could fall on his shoulders, and all he has to do is not tell you about the plan.Â
Easier said than done.Â
âShe is not a Jedi, she does not know how to take loss.â He wants to tell them that youâve already had to take so much loss in your life, that it isnât fair to add more loss that will only cause you pain. But explaining that will certainly give away any feelings he has for you, ones that arenât love but are stronger than they should be. Too strong for a Jedi, especially one on the Council.Â
âStrong, she is.â Master Yoda says, and Obi-Wan knows heâs lost this battle. He cannot fight this one, and he must yield. âBe okay, she will. Not forever, this is.â The green Jedi informs him, and he nods. Heâs right, this mission is not forever. A month, at most. The Festival of Light is when they would make their move if they were smart. And then he replays the words that have been said, and he realizes just what they mean.Â
âYou said her reaction has to be authentic,â He starts, hoping against all odds that heâs wrong about this. âYou donât mean that she has to be thereâŠâ He trails off, because he can tell by their faces that they do mean exactly what heâs saying. Youâre going to have to watch this happen. Even though you never asked for it, and youâre not even a Jedi, you will have to sacrifice something for the Jedi, for the Republic, and you wonât know it.Â
âWeâre truly sorry, Obi-Wan, but this is what is required of you.â Master Windu says, and Obi-Wan wants to shake him, tell him to wake up and realize how different this is for him than it would be for anyone else.
âSheâs not going to go easily. Sheâs notâŠâ Obi-Wan doesnât know how to explain to the other Jedi that you wonât let him go without a fight. âSheâs been trained in many ways, she knows better than to let it go.â He explains, but he can tell the other Masters are not concerned.Â
âTake care of it, we will.â Master Yoda says, and Obi-Wan knows heâs lost. Thereâs nothing for him to fight anymore. The Chancellor has requested him for this, and now two of the most powerful Jedi are standing there, waiting for him to agree and prepare for the next month.Â
âVery well.â Obi-Wan nods, dropping his head and looking at the ground. He doesnât want to do this mission, doesnât want to lie to the people closest to him, but he will if it means that the Galactic Republic wonât fall. If it means you and all his friends will be safe. âOnly the people in this room will be informed. And Iâll ensure that she is there.â He says, not able to look up, trying to process his mission. This is one of the hardest missions he will have to go on, and heâs worried about what heâll have to go through.Â
What heâs going to put you through, now that he canât tell you, now that youâll have to witness it.
âI will reach out to our bounty hunter then, and give you the date to start.â Master Windu stands, and the meeting is over. Obi-Wan finally lifts his head, taking a deep breath, and hoping he can make this quick. He knows thereâs no use in hoping itâs painless.Â
âWhere are we going?â Youâre on the back of Obi-Wanâs speeder, holding onto him. He had asked you to come with him and Anakin that night, and you had agreed, still slightly guilty about the fact that you were working with Palpatine. Anakin was next to you, and you looked around for anything that could be out of place.Â
âWeâre just on a routine check.â Obi-Wan tells you, but you can feel something is off. Heâs tense, and his knuckles are white against the handles. Heâs keeping something from you, the same way youâre keeping something from him. So you donât push him, trying your hardest not to press yourself to him while you hold him.Â
âObi,â You start, not sure where youâre going, but then you realize youâre being shot at. Obi-Wan drifts to the side as he brakes, and you hold tight to avoid being thrown over the side. He grabs you off the speeder and pushes you behind him as he presses against the wall of the building, Anakin following suit.Â
âDid you see who it was?â Obi-Wan asks, looking over at Anakin.Â
âBounty Hunter, Iâd assume.â Anakin peaks over, and a shot almost takes his head off before he pulls himself back.Â
âIâll follow him, you go right.â Obi-Wan tells Anakin, and you frown.Â
âWhat about me?â You ask, pulling your blaster out of the pants you had worn tonight. Obi-Wan seems worried for a second, and you almost tell him thereâs no reason to, but heâs talking too quickly.Â
âWeâre jumping to the top, so you can be ground support.â It sounds stupid, like a job you give a toddler to get them out of the way, but the Jedi are jumping to the top of the buildings and running after the bounty hunter, whoâs shooting backwards. You sprint with them, making sure to get a good look at the guy. You see his light skin, his jutting cheekbones and face tattoo. You try to take aim, but youâre also keeping up with the Jedi and you miss your first uphill shot.Â
The bounty hunter hides behind something on the roof, and you pause, looking around to try and find Obi-Wan. As your eyes scan the top of the building, you see Obi-Wan move from his hiding place, you have no time to do anything. You feel like youâre in slow motion, your blaster coming up as you turn to find the bounty hunter. He has his gun already trained, though, and you shoot too quickly, hoping to get him quick enough that he wonât hit Obi-Wan. But you should have known better, you should have been practicing shooting instead of hand-to-hand combat, but you feel like youâve never been under this much pressure. Your mind is blank as all the oxygen leaves your body at once, the reality of what is going to happen because of you absolutely crushing your lungs. You swear you can see the blast leave the bounty hunterâs gun, and you watch as it hits Obi-Wan right in the chest.Â
And then he falls off the roof, right in front of you.Â
âObi!â You shriek, forgetting all about the bounty hunter. You step forward to him, dropping your blaster as your hands go to his bearded face. He landed roughly, but youâre not worried about broken limbs. His eyes are closed, and thereâs a hole singed into his robes right over his heart. âObi, open your eyes.â You beg, heart in your throat. You canât think rationally to do any life saving things, because you just watched Obi-Wan Kenobi get shot and fall off the building and now heâs not breathing. Heâs a Jedi, he doesnât die from something small like this. You hear Anakin land beside you, and you watch him move your hand to take his pulse. You hold your breath as you wait for him to feel something. Anything.Â
âThereâs no pulse.â Anakin whispers, unable to look away from his Masterâs closed eyes. âSomethingâs not right.â He leans back, breathing heavily. You have no idea what Anakin is talking about, all you know is that you need Obi-Wan to open his eyes and hold you close. This is not right.
âObi-Wan,â You know Anakin just checked his pulse, but you have to feel for yourself. You push your hand against his neck so hard it would bruise, but you donât care. You have to find a pulse. âObi, please,â Youâre not sure if your voice is calm or if youâre even talking, because your vision is swimming as your fingers find nothing. Your eyes are blurry⊠with `tears? Are you crying?
No. You need to calm down, to think rationally. Obi-Wan is gone, heâs dead, but his killer is still alive. You feel ice go through your veins, and your heart slows as you see red.
The bounty hunter is a dead man walking.
You grab Obi-Wanâs lightsaber, clipping it to your own belt and standing.Â
âWhat are you doing?â Anakin asks, still kneeling on the ground.Â
âIâm going to kill that man.â You say, your cold tone almost makes Anakin shiver.Â
âHeâs long gone by now. We need to get Obi-Wan back to the Temple, and then we can track him.â Anakinâs voice cracks as he speaks, and as much as you hate this, you know heâs right. You canât go off half cocked when you havenât even processed the loss of Obi-Wan; itâs exactly what you did with Bucky, and look where that got you. You suddenly feel that bubble of rage pop, letting those emotions you had worked so hard to push down crawl back up your best.Â
âAnakin,â You whisper, feeling the tears rise. Obi-Wan is lifeless behind him, and you can barely stand to see it.Â
âY/N,â He repeats your tone, and you fall to the ground, straight into his arms, and start crying.Â
But for now, you sob against the dark robes of Anakin Skywalker over Obi-Wan, and everything youâve never been able to tell him, never will be able to tell him now.Â
Your heart breaks irreparably.Â
âThatâs good, but you have to be more precise. Without the Force, youâll look like youâre just holding a sword.â Anakin has already shed his outer layers while the two of you spar with lightsabers, just as youâve been doing everyday since Obi-Wan has been gone. You go to Senate meetings, but you donât care to campaign. You know that with your deal with Palpatine youâll win anyway, so who cares? Youâd rather spend your time training.Â
âI donât care what it looks like, as long as it goes straight through Rako Hardeen.â You expect Anakin to flinch at this - you will be going against Jedi code, killing an unarmed being, as Obi-Wanâs assassin had been captured and brought in. Anakin is helping you train, and heâll help you plan, but because of the way youâre determined to get revenge for Obi-Wan, youâll be on your own when you break into the Coruscant prison and kill the bounty hunter. âBesides, he wonât have a lightsaber to fight me with. All this training is great, but Iâm ready to go now.â Youâve wanted to go after Hardeen since the day Obi-Wan was covered, which at first Anakin was on board with. Once the Jedi Council caught him before you and Anakin could and brought him back, unharmed, you had to switch plans. Anakin knows thereâs something wrong with everything about this situation, but you wonât listen to him.Â
âI still think we need to wait. Thereâs something weâre missing, something the Jedi Council has yet to tell me.â Anakin says, and you donât have time for his Force nonsense. It doesnât matter how long youâve been in this galaxy, youâre over it now. You donât understand it, and you donât care to understand it anymore.Â
âWell, Master, please tell me when youâd like to execute this plan. You know where to find me.â You turn Obi-Wanâs light saber off and carefully put it under your tunic, making sure itâs hidden before you march out of the room, leaving Anakin inside. You know he wonât follow, because youâve used one of his insecurities against him. You need to be alone, something youâve been needing a lot more recently, and luckily you get it, thanks to your top secret new living quarters.
Obi-Wanâs old rooms.
You have no idea if and when theyâll come to take his things. You donât know if the Jedi know youâve been staying here. But you needed to be alone, and maybe you needed the comfort of Obi-Wanâs room, the first room you woke up in when you were transported to this galaxy.Â
Obi-Wan had been the one to rescue you. Without him, you probably would have been put in jail, believed to be a Separatist spy despite the fact that you had no idea what the hell that was. You understand his sacrifice, his selflessness more and more everyday, and it just makes you more guilty that you never told him about Palpatine, about how you two had been caught. You thought you were protecting him, but he deserved to know. He would have been able to help you, or at the very least he could have protected himself better.Â
You have a lot to do. You need to continue training, and you need to prepare to fully step into your role as a Senator. But just for a couple minutes, you press your face into Obi-Wanâs pillow and pretend he isnât gone, that heâs actually right beside you.Â
You pretend heâs sharing the bed, that you two had meant to this time and not accidentally fallen asleep. You pretend you can hear his gruff morning voice asking if you want any caf, and you even let yourself pretend to feel his hand on your waist. You pretend heâs not a Jedi in this fake world, and you pretend he kisses your neck gently.
You pretend heâs still alive, and you pretend you didnât have feelings for him when he died.
âI am not a Jedi. And I am not bound by any rules. If I want revenge, I can take it.â You tell her, and she sighs.
âThis way of thinking is what leads to war. Hardeen is scum, of course, but killing him wonât bring Obi-Wan back. It wonât fix anything in your life.â You know sheâs right; killing has never fixed anything in your life, but you canât help the feeling that maybe if Hardeen was dead then youâd feel better, like you somehow avenged Obi-Wan.Â
âYou canât let your path of revenge take over your path of life.â She redirects, and you want to ask her what motivational book she took that from. Instead, you nod, lips pursed, as if youâre actually taking this in.Â
He hates having a different facial structure, and he hates opening his mouth and sounding like a different person. He misses his beard, and he really misses his lightsaber. Master Windu had told him that they were unable to recover it from his body, which confuses him. When he had taken the vital suppressors to fake his death, he was rendered unconscious for a short period of time. He could really only hear like he was in the clouds, and he doesnât know if he was dreaming or not. You were yelling, and then you were crying, and he knows that you and Anakin had both been occupied for a bit after his âdeathâ which could have been when his lightsaber was stolen. Heâll have to find it when he returns to Coruscant, because he is not keen on building another one.Â
Heâs already exhausted of Cad Bane and Malo Evalâs antics, feeling like the teacher in a group of school children. He doesnât trust them enough to sleep around them, and he always has anxiety about his disguise failing and them figuring out that heâs actually a Jedi. He thinks Cad Bane knows something is wrong, if only because Obi-Wan can hardly stand to look at his face after what he did to you.Â
But he needs to play his part of being Rako Hardeen, supposed Jedi killer.Â
Just thinking about having to explain this all to you, when you already donât fully trust the Jedi Order, makes him slightly sick. He will have to admit to how he knowingly faked his death in front of you. He will have to admit to his disguise, as the man who âkilledâ him. And he will have to admit that he did this all knowing it would hurt you. He can only hope you will understand the importance of this mission, how he was needed to save Palpatine and in turn keep the Republic from turning upside down.Â
And he canât do this with Anakin on his trail. He wishes he had told his former padawan about his mission; he should have known how headstrong Anakin would be. Anakin is following him, and of course the young Jedi is too good at flying to let the bounty hunters get away. Their ships are crashed, and Obi-Wan knows he has to get out and subdue Anakin before Cad Bane and Malo Eval try to kill him.Â
Squinting through the kicked up dust, he sees the bright blue of Anakinâs lightsaber. He can see two shadows, but then another lightsaber lights up behind the Jedi, and his breath catches.Â
Youâre there, standing with a murderous gaze, holding Obi-Wanâs lightsaber. For the first time since you got to Coruscant, he is fully aware of your history of being an assassin. He is fully aware that you could kill him, that you want to kill him.Â
âYou got your Jedi, Hardeen. Itâs my turn.â Cad Bane says, a sick look on his face as he pulls out a blaster. Obi-Wan feels his heart lurch, because you look a lot like a Jedi right now, but you are not one with the Force. If Cad Bane were to start shooting, you would not be able to block the shots.Â
So he does the only thing he can do and throws himself at you and Anakin, hoping youâre feeling merciful.Â
âYou sure you donât want Cad Bane? I know what he did to you.â Anakin looks over at you, but you're locked in on Rako Hardeen, on Obi-Wan. He wishes he went against the Council, that he told you anyway, and he almost gasps when you start to spin your lightsaber in a way that would fool even some Jedi into thinking you were one of them.Â
âI donât care about that blue bastard.â You sneer, moving out from Anakinâs protection. Obi-Wan almost blows his cover and shoots Cad Bane down just so he canât have the chance to kill you. âI want the so-called Jedi killer.â You donât let Anakin say anything else, moving forward to go at Obi-Wan. He has no idea how to defend himself other than by dodging, lucky that your moves are angry and harsh instead of quick and light. He assumes youâre fighting against his lightsaber in your hand, that because of your low connection with the Force itâs harder for you to wield it. But heâs only defending himself, never throwing a punch or even reaching for his blaster. Which is how you end up on top of Obi-Wan, hands raised over your head. He can get out of this, and he knows that if he canât convince you to drop your weapon heâll have to knock you out. Youâre shaking with rage, emotions higher than heâd ever seen, but heâd never even think to use a Jedi mind trick on you - not that it would work, anyway. But he wouldnât betray your trust, even in this situation.Â
âYou donât want to do this.â He says, but his voice is foreign. He isnât sure it will be enough, that you will understand what heâs trying to say. Youâre looking into his eyes, but youâre not bringing the lightsaber down on him, and he knows you can see something in his eyes. You must know that heâs not Rako Hardeen, or that Obi-Wan at the very least isnât dead.Â
âYou killed my best friend.â You say, a tear falling down your face even as your emotions show rage, not sadness. Obi-Wanâs heart stops, and he knows he should have told you. He made a mistake, even though he was following the Councilâs orders.Â
âPlease,â He begs, unable to say anything else. Youâre staring at him, like youâre not sure what to think, and he knows he canât risk it, canât risk you. He flips you over, grabs his lightsaber, and chokes you, feeling sick as he does it.Â
He doesnât want to do it. He doesnât want to hurt you, doesnât want to listen to your sounds of struggle, but he canât let you die. He would never forgive himself.Â
âDonât try to follow, Y/N. Iâll be back soon.â He whispers into your ear, hoping you understand that this is not Rako Hardeen, at the very least. He listens to you choke out one last breath before you go limp in his arms, and he allows himself only a second to hold you before setting you down gently. He quietly takes his lightsaber, then stands and looks to where Cad Bane and Anakin are fighting. Anakin looks over to see you passed out, and his eyes widen. Obi-Wan knows he wouldnât leave you behind, he wouldnât continue to fight while you're vulnerable. He watches Anakin use the Force to push back Cad Bane before running to you.Â
âIâll find you, Hardeen.â Anakin threatens as he stands over you, lightsaber raised. Cad Bane looks a little worse for wear, and Obi-Wan knows they need to get out of there.Â
It still hurts to leave you unconscious on the ground, but he has to, for the mission, and for your safety. Heâll worry about mending his relationship with you when he gets back.
When you wake up, you donât know what to feel. Youâre upset and angry and confused at what Rako Hardeen told you, his cryptic words rippling in your mind. Anakin is piloting the ship, an angry look on his face. The ship you brought didnât have any beds, so your neck is killing you from being slumped in the copilot seat.Â
âSomething is going on here.â You tell Anakin, noticing youâre already almost back to Coruscant. How much did you miss?
âI need to speak with the Jedi Council immediately.â He tells you when he enters Coruscant, landing the ship. You stretch yourself out, nodding.Â
âIâm coming with you.â You reach for Obi-Wanâs lightsaber to hide it from them, and you realize you donât have it anymore. Your eyes go wide as everything starts to click into place; why Hardeen had said what he did, why Anakin was conflicted with the Force, why you couldnât kill Hardeen, even though you had the perfect opportunity. But looking into his eyes, you just couldnât bring the lightsaber down. And now, the lightsaber is gone.Â
Youâre out of your seat the second the ship has touched down, emotions welling up that youâre forcing down as best you can.Â
âWhere are you going?â Anakin asks, but he knows youâre going to the Council. He just wants to know why. You donât answer, continuing your march to the Jedi. Theyâre going to be suspicious of your clothing, of why a Senator knows so much, but you donât care. Youâre angry, and hurt, and you wonât blow Obi-Wanâs cover but you wonât let the Council get away with thinking they can lie to you.Â
âYou!â You yell, seeing a familiar Jedi. Itâs Master Windu, who you had seen briefly when you were taken by Cad Bane. He turns, brows furrowed, but you are a woman on a mission. âWe need to speak. Privately.â You try to keep your seething anger out of your voice, but you know the Jedi can tell youâre far past angry.Â
âMay I ask what this is about?â Master Windu questions, seemingly in no hurry at all.Â
âYou may, but you will not like the answer being public knowledge.â You have his attention now, and Anakin follows you two into the room to talk.Â
âWhat is it, Senator?â The vote is tomorrow, but it seems everyone thinks youâll win anyway. Even without Palpatineâs stupid deal, you would have won. But he blackmailed you, and you had to take it.
âI know that Obi-Wan is alive. I know that heâs undercover.â You drop, and Master Windu stares at you like heâs not at all surprised.Â
âYouâre correct, Obi-Wan is alive and posing as Rako Hardeen in order to uncover sensitive information.â Is all he reveals, and you wonder if Obi-Wan took his lightsaber back for your own good, so you didnât kill anyone with it, because your anger is getting the best of you right now and if you had a weapon on you it would be bad news.
âWhy did you keep this from me?â Anakin steps up, and you remember heâs there. You want to ask why it was kept from you as well, but you know youâre not a Jedi, and you would have no right to know about it in the first place unless Obi-Wan told you. You wouldnât be left in the dark unless he was specifically told not to tell you.
âYou and the Senator were kept in the dark to sell the plan. Your reactions were vital for the beginning of Obi-Wanâs cover. It was Obi-Wanâs idea to keep you in the dark.â He says the last part to Anakin, but you wonder if itâs true of both of you. Why would he not want to tell you, unless he thought you couldnât be trusted? Did he still not believe your trustworthiness even with over a year of friendship?
âObi-Wan didnât trust me?â Anakin speaks your thoughts once more, and you want to leave. You wish you had your own rooms, to be away from Obi-Wan completely and think for yourself. But you have nothing for yourself, even after all this time; no quarters, not even a room. You feel so claustrophobic about being here suddenly as Anakin and Master Windu speak, so you decide to leave.
Youâve only had a couple moments of panic during your time in this galaxy, but Obi-Wan has always been there. Now, stumbling through the hallways, you see all these robes that look like Obi-Wanâs but arenât, these Jedi that remind you of him.Â
You thought he was dead. You truly believed he was gone for weeks. It made you sick; you barely ate as you trained to kill his assassin. To learn that heâs been alive this whole time, that you didnât hold his dead body or bury him at allâŠ
You can barely breathe as you stumble into Obi-Wanâs rooms, not sure if you should try to breathe or if you should just let it all out.Â
Obi-Wan, your best friend, thought you were untrustworthy. Just like everyone your whole life.
You fall to his bed, head in his pillow, and sob.Â
You win the Senate vote by a landslide, and you canât help but wonder how much of that you did yourself and how much of that Palpatine did. You wonder if he even did anything, or if he threatened your running mate as well. It doesnât matter anymore, because youâve won but youâre nothing more than a puppet.Â
âAs was I.â You say with a smile, trying your best to be the new, happy Senator.Â
âCorr was right, you look amazing in Naboo regalia.â Maro smiles, and you roll your eyes with what you hope is fondness.Â
âNot better than Senator Amidala, Iâm afraid.â You smile at her, and she smiles back at you, probably happy to see you feel any other emotion than anger.Â
He wants you for more than just being on his side. Youâve made a deal with the devil, and you canât tell anyone.
You feel sick, wanting fresh air even though youâre outside. You long for the days you were on the run from every government in the world, because at least then you had rest days. It was boring at times, but you canât remember the last time you were able to sleep for as long as you wanted, or do something that wasnât related to politics or training for an entire day. You suppose thatâs what happens when a war is raging on in an entire galaxy, but you canât help but be selfish and wish for just one day where you could sit with your friends and do nothing.Â
Heâs looking around, and then his blue eyes meet yours.Â
His whole face has been changed, the structure and the hair and his voice, and yet his eyes are the same. His eyes are light and gorgeous and you have so many emotions that you turn and you run, not caring where the Chancellor ends up.Â
âNo. Iâd assume itâs because of the upcoming Senate race.â Anakin says with a smile. You frown, taking a deep breath to ground yourself.Â
âI thought I didnât have a stake in that.â You say, because Anakin is a realist and has been telling you since the beginning that you should be looking for another job.Â
âDonât worry,â Anakin opens the door for you, smile on his face. âI havenât been holding it so far. I wouldnât start now.â He teases, and you almost smack him. Instead, you roll your eyes, walking quickly down the hall.Â
âYou donât have any training to attend?â You ask, cocking your head to the side. âYou seemed a bit rusty a couple weeks ago.â
âI beat you.â He doesnât even let you finish his sentence before heâs speaking. You smile, knowing heâs quick to be set off.Â
âDid you?â You ask, frowning. âBecause I seem to remember knocking you down easily.âÂ
âEasily!â He scoffs, almost stopping walking. âI put up a fight, without using the Force, by the way.â He tells you as you continue walking, and you sigh.Â
âAs much as you say that, we all know youâre lying.â Youâve made it to the Chancellorâs office, and Anakin has no time to argue before the door is being opened.
âY/N! Come in!â The Chancellor does not invite Anakin over, and you send a smile over your shoulder at his pissed off face.Â
âChancellor Palpatine, to what do I owe the pleasure?â You ask, not sure how you feel about him yet. He seems fair in meetings, but he gives you a horrible feeling. You canât describe it, so you would never tell anyone for fear of getting it wrong, but you canât shake it.Â
âI have a proposition.â He gets right into it, calm as he walks to his desk. You stay standing, if only because youâre not sure how to sit in this dress, but you try to be respectful to him. âI like you and your views. I would be honored to have you serve with me in the Senate.â You smile, thankful for the praise youâre receiving. While it would be a monumental occasion, your gut feeling has been wrong before.
âThank you, Chancellor. I would be honored to serve with you in the Senate, and I can only hope my people feel the same way.â You nod, watching Palpatine smile without teeth.Â
âYes, well, I would like to offer you a position in the Senate. An in, straight to Senator. No race required.â You try not to let your smile drop too much, but you know this is a bad idea. âAll you have to do is help me out, push some bills Iâm partial to, bring up conflicts I need to discuss.â You canât do this, not in good faith. You canât start a good thing on the basis of a lie, or a bribe.Â
âThat is a generous offer, Chancellor. I am very grateful for it. But I will have to decline. Iâd like to win of my own merit.â You explain, hoping this is enough. Youâve probably ruined your chances, and now the other candidate will take the bribe, but you could never look your friends in the eye if you took the bribe. After years of being used for others gain, you canât do it again.Â
âIt is very generous.â Palpatine nods, and you feel your heart sink, knowing this canât be going in a good direction. âWhich is why you will accept it. And if you decide you still donât want to take advantage of my charitable act, then I think the Jedi Council would like to be informed of a certain developing relationship you have with one Jedi.â Your heart drops, all the way down to your stomach, but you donât let it show.Â
âExcuse me?â You question, because youâre not letting any information slip. How much could the Chancellor really know about a relationship that isnât even real?
âYou have no proof.â You say, because you have nothing else to defend yourself with. Palplatine will not take no for an answer.Â
âNo?â He asks, pressing a button on his desk. A hologram pops up, and you almost throw up because you instantly recognize what this is.Â
You and Obi-Wan in the courtyard, his body around yours, him teaching you how to wield his lightsaber.Â
âI think you may know this, but in case you did not, the Jedi value their lightsabers like their life.â He tells you gravely, and you almost throw up all over his desk. âAnd General Kenobi letting you hold his life in your hand, well, that seems like a big deal to me.â Heâs condescending and you want to scream. You had promised yourself you wouldnât be treated like this again after you left the Red Room, promised that you would stand up to men who tried to use their power against you. You had promised yourself you wouldnât be powerless again.Â
But itâs not just you that youâre making this decision for. Obi-Wan can be punished for your actions. And you donât want to give Palpatine the satisfaction of winning, you donât want to bow to him the way you have been bent to the whim of practically every man throughout most of your life, but you wonât do this to Obi-Wan. Youâre the one who asked him to teach you how to wield a lightsaber, and heâs the one who would suffer.Â
You will have to pay for your mistakes, but Obi-Wan will not. You wonât let him.Â
âOkay.â You say quietly, not able to bring yourself to look the Chancellor in the eye, You feel just like you did all those years ago, the moment you broke free of mind control and realized every single thing you had done on missions, in every moment of your life before you were able to break free of their brain washing. Emotion rises in your throat, but you swallow it. This is your new mission, and you must bear the faults of your mistakes.Â
You take a deep breath before you finally look up at Palpatine, not letting him steal every piece of you. You donât ask what you have to do, you donât ask why he chose you and not anyone else, and you certainly donât ask how he knows you and Obi-Wan have a connection when Anakin also taught you how to use his lightsaber.Â
âPerfect.â The Chancellor smiles and you almost shiver. This smile is not friendly, and you wouldnât even call it a smile if it werenât for the way his teeth are showing. âWelcome to the Senate of the Republic, Y/N. I will be in contact with you soon.âÂ
You canât leave his office fast enough, going to the nearest bathroom to throw up your last meal as the thought of what youâve done sits heavy in your stomach.
Out of one cage and into the next.
You canât tell anyone about your meeting with Palpatine, no matter how much Anakin asks the second you had walked out of the room. You had tried to remain neutral, told him it was a private matter that you werenât comfortable discussing with him, but it was clear how much he wanted to know. He was close with the Chancellor, so if he was supposed to be in on this plan, you knew he would find out on his own.Â
No, you would never give your friend any inclination as to how you won this race. Which means you needed to attend dinners that she was throwing in your honor, for you to get to know some visiting people of Naboo or even other Senators. You guessed this would be great for when you eventually were in office, if Palpatine didnât make you screw it up too hard.Â
âWhatâs your favorite native Naboo flower, Y/N?â Youâre brought back from your thoughts by one of the dinner guests asking you a question, causing you to suppress a jolt of surprise. You turn and smile over at her, having barely ate your food. Your thoughts are too heavy, your mind too busy elsewhere to even think about eating.Â
âThat would be fun, Corr.â You chose your words carefully, knowing anything you say can give you away. âIâve never been able to attend the Festival with friends.â You say as you take a sip of your drink. Technically not a lie; youâd never been able to attend the Festival at all, since last year you had been new to the galaxy, and you hadnât even been able to deal with one new planet, let alone two. But you knew the Festival of Light was the holiday that was celebrated when Naboo joined the Republic over eight hundred years ago.Â
âExcuse me,â You take a sip of your drink, then smile politely at everyone, hoping your cover isnât blown. âThe Senate vote hasnât even taken place yet. I donât want to get ahead of myself.â You say, and half the group laughs.Â
âI think I like you more than Kenth Pavan.â Corr tells you, mentioning your opponent.Â
âKenth hasnât invited me to one dinner.â The first woman that had arrived, Sulea, says, and the man next to her rolls his eyes.
âHe invited me to one, but it was dreadfully boring.â He says, taking a large gulp of his drink.Â
âIâm not going to the Festival of Light with him, Iâll tell you that.â The woman with dark hair mentions it, and the group begins to laugh again.Â
âAnd I wonât be telling my friends to vote for him.â The curly haired woman says, and you smile your first true smile of the night at that.
Maybe you would win this without Palpatineâs help. Not that it mattered, as you would still do his bidding for fear of Obi-Wan being outed, but it feels nice to think that you at least did some part on merit.
You put your head down, stacking the plates together. Itâs silent for a few moments, and you think about possibly going to apologize to Obi-Wan tonight before bed, since youâve been avoiding him.
âOf course.â You say with a nod, waiting to hand the plates to a droid before going to the couch near the open balcony. You wonder if it rains on Coruscant; youâve never seen it rain in all the time youâve been here, which is strange. Everything about this galaxy is strange.Â
âNot at all.â You tell her, shaking your head. âJust let me know when.â You offer, and she smiles so widely, youâre unsure if this is just about her date with Anakin.
âRight,â Youâre not sure what exactly to say, not wanting to call her out but also not wanting to create any frays in your friendship. Sheâs been such a good friend to you, and youâre sure that if she does have something besides just wanting to go out with Anakin, you trust itâs for a good reason. Youâre friends, and thatâs what friends do. âHow exactly do you think Iâll get Obi-Wan to a ballet?â You donât see him wanting to go to something like that, and you donât feel like begging.Â
âI think if you ask nicely, heâll agree.â She smiles, and you shake your head.Â
âI donât know about that.â You say, unable to look at her. You know you and Obi-Wan have some sort of bond, or connection, but youâre already having this be used against you. You canât use it against Obi-Wan.Â
âWhat can I say? Anakin thinks of everything.â And maybe sheâs right. Maybe it was Anakin thinking about everything. You donât question anything more, deciding to bid goodnight and head to Anakinâs rooms.Â
âThe ballet?â Obi-Wan has a brow raised, book folded in his lap. You had gone over to catch up with him that morning, then the two of you had lunch and decided to read a bit in the company of each other, since it had been so long since you had seen him. He didnât ask about it, and you didnât tell him, and you wondered if you would ever tell him.
âYes. Ballet was a thing in my universe too, and I would like to see how it was done.â Itâs only a half lie; you know that itâs a different species doing this, and you know itâs bound to be different that the human ballet on Earth.Â
âOf course. What time?â Obi-Wan asks, and youâre a little shocked by how fast he agrees.Â
âYouâre sure you donât have anything better to do?â You ask, and he gives a small twitch of his lips, barely perceivable beneath his beard.Â
âThis will make you feel at home, will it not?â He moves closer, and you practically freeze.Â
âYes?â It comes out as a question, mostly because of how confused you are right now.Â
âThen I do not have anything better to do.â You are speechless at his words. You blink at him, and his face starts to look confused.Â
âObi,â
âWhatâs wrong?â He asks quickly and sincerely, moving a hand to your shoulder. You look away, not wanting to be emotional.Â
âNothing.â You answer, but you can tell he doesnât believe you. âI have to get ready. Iâll see you tonight." And then you leave, you canât seem to calm your racing heart.Â
In fact, it doesnât calm the entire time youâre getting ready, when youâre putting on the pastel dress you had worn on your first real day in the galaxy, or when your putting the final touches on your makeup. Youâre more nervous than youâve been in a long time, and you have a hard time dwelling on why exactly that is. Youâd rather not think about it, so you go to Obi-Wanâs door and see that heâs also cleaned up, still in his robes but his hair done and his beard cleaned up. He takes in your outfit, looking almost shocked.
âIs it too much for a ballet?â You still arenât sure you fully get the fashion trends here, but you had thought this would be a good option. Obi-Wan blinks before he looks to your eyes.Â
âNo! No, it looks great. Good. Iâm just shocked at how well youâre able to,â He trails off, and you pull your lips in. âIâm happy you do so well here.â He lands on, and you smile.Â
âMe too.â You respond, watching him hold his arm out. You take it, and together you walk to the ballet, which is being held in the Senate. You and Obi-Wan take your time, not needing to talk but feeling comfortable in the silence.Â
The two of you make it to the ballet, sitting in the small area alone. You watch as the Mon Calamari take their places, and while itâs much different than the ballets on Earth, you enjoy it all the same. The music and the show make your heart happy, and you canât help but smile. After a moment, you feel eyes on you, and you look over to see Obi-Wan staring with a small smile. Heâs not watching the ballet, or anything in front of him, but instead only looking at you. You can feel your heart begin to race, and your cheeks flush. But you canât think about it, so you turn back to the ballet and act like you didnât just catch Obi-Wan staring at you while the entertainment was right in front of him.
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
I'm so sorry this is so late, I forgot it was Tuesday so I was rushing at work to finish this but my bosses have decided they just want to not do their jobs so I had so much to do I love my life
Once you finally get back to Coruscant, youâre exhausted. You go to Anakinâs rooms after dropping Obi-Wan off at the medic bay, and there you rest. You take a day to calm down, and then put on your training gear and go to the area Obi-Wan showed you to train by yourself before you asked him to teach you how to use a lightsaber. You barely got a couple minutes in when someone storms through the door, and youâre immediately ready to fight. Your stance does not relax when the clone trooper walks in, the one with the orange armor. Youâve met him - Cody.
âWhat did you do to General Kenobi?â He doesnât take his helmet off, and youâre sure heâs trying to be intimidating.
âWhat?â You question, standing slightly. Cody seems harmless, at least for now.
âHeâs on medical leave, and I know he went off planet with you. What did you do?â He asks, and you roll your eyes.
âI didnât do anything to him. And honestly, itâs insulting that you assume I did.â You cross your arms, annoyed by the clone's attitude toward you.
âThen what happened?â He asks, and for a moment you debate not telling him. Does he deserve to know, after how heâs treated you? You donât think so, but you know that heâs Obi-Wanâs friend, so you swallow your pride and tell Cody.
âWe went to Corellia, and we were attacked by a droid. He was injured. I actually saved his life, so maybe instead of interrogating me you should be thanking me.â You set your jaw, and you canât tell what Cody is feeling because his helmet is still on.
âYou saved the Generalâs life?â He asks, as if this is the most outlandish thing.
âIâm leaving to go check on him.â You tell Cody, not caring if he doesnât believe you or not. You rarely see him anyway, so itâs not a huge loss if he hates you. Maybe Obi-Wan can clear things up when he comes back. You start to walk away, feeling drained from having to defend yourself over nothing.
âWait!â Cody calls, and you pause, not turning. Itâs silent in the hall, and you wonder if maybe Cody decided he doesn't want to say anything afterall. âIâm sorry I accused you.â He finally apologizes, and you turn, brows furrowed. Heâs apologizing so quickly, with no backup on if your story is true?
âYou believe me?â You ask, because even though youâve been on Coruscant for some time now you still arenât used to people treating you fairly even when they know about your past. Cody takes off his helmet, and you can finally see his face, how sincere his eyes are.
âYes. I shouldnât have come at you like that. But the General is a close friend, and when he came back hurt I assumed the worst. I shouldnât have.â He seems to mean it, and you can only stand and wonder if youâre dreaming right now.
âThank you.â You say, and you truly feel grateful with all your heart. Not only are your close friends good, but now you know that you can trust their friends too. It makes you happy, to find a place in this galaxy.
âPlease, let me know if you need anything.â Cody says, and then heâs putting his helmet on and walking away. Youâre unable to move as you watch him leave, barely able to breathe just thinking about how someone just apologized for assuming the worst of you.
That has never happened before.
Once Obi-Wan is cleared to work again - quickly, due to something called âbactaâ which Obi-Wan tries to explain and you donât understand at all - you make him teach you immediately. He seems pretty healed from whatever the hell that gel was, so you donât feel bad when you show up at his door, ready to train, and heâs barely awake.
âI havenât even had caf.â He says gruffly, and you smile when he turns around, leaving the door open for you to follow into his rooms.
âI want you to teach me how to use your lightsaber.â You tell him again, and he doesnât say anything as he makes the caf, still in a pair of linen pants and an older shirt.
You sit in silence until heâs drunk half of his mug, and then he finally looks at you.
âBecause you have not been trained in the Force, it will not be easy.â He informs you, but you donât care. You nod, waiting patiently for him to change and then following him down the halls and to your designated training area. You watch as he takes a deep breath, then turns to you.
âLightsabers are very important. We build them ourselves, from the Kyber crystals that call to us on Ilum as younglings.â You knew this from the Padawan play you had attended with him, but itâs nice that heâs explaining anyway. âYou donât have to be Force sensitive to wield a lightsaber; many who hunt Jedi steal their lightsabers and use them against us. But having the Force on your side enhances your abilities.â
âWhat happens if you lose it?â You ask, because it seems pretty important.
âYour lightsaber is your life. While there is the chance of finding another crystal, some Jedi go to open hand protection.â He pulls his lightsaber out, and you study it. It was unlike any hilt of any weapon youâd ever seen, and when you had wielded it on Corellia you hadnât paid all that much attention. âIt is important that you know we could make blasters with these crystals. But we use lightsabers because we protect and defend.â He stares into you, and you know heâs still trying to get you to see the difference between the Red Room and the Jedi Order. One day, youâre going to have to lay it all out for him, but today you are going to learn how to wield a Jedi weapon.
âIs it against the rules for you to teach me how to use this?â You question, taking the lightsaber from Obi-Wan. He raises his brows, then looks around the empty room.
âLetâs keep it to ourselves and not find out.â He says, earning a smile from you before you take the stance you had seen him take in the training room before the two of you would spar; legs spread, elbows low, wrists up. Youâre about to turn the lightsaber on, feeling good about this, when Obi-Wan shakes his head, a smile fighting to take over his face.
âWhat?â You ask, dropping your arms.
âNo wonder those Corellians just walked right past you. You look like youâre going to throw it, not use it to defend yourself.â He says, and you roll your eyes, heat making itâs way up your cheeks.
âI regret telling you that.â You grumble, unable to look at him. That was way too embarrassing, and you already feel discouraged.
âPut your arms back up.â Obi-Wan says, and you almost donât want to. But you do it anyway, way less enthusiastic this time. âHere, let me help.â And then Obi-Wan is moving behind you.
Behind you.
You try your hardest to keep your breathing even as you feel him first adjust your shoulders, then move his hands down your arms to your elbows. His touch is light, and it takes everything in you not to shiver as his fingers meet the uncovered skin on your hands, moving them down.
âPerfect form.â He mutters behind you, and you close your eyes, feeling his breath on your neck. Youâre thankful for the long sleeves, because there are chills running down your back and your arms. âNow, you can turn it on.â His hands are still on yours, and you pretend youâre not shaking when you press the button.
You tell yourself itâs just because itâs been so long, that youâre touchstarved. That maybe, youâre finally getting over Bucky and all the loss you endured, and your body wants to jump to the next person as soon as possible, no matter how unavailable they are.
âIâll teach you some easy moves to start out.â Obi-Wan says, and you nod against him, his back almost pressing into you. He detaches one of your hands from the lightsaber, then shows you slowly, very slowly, how to rotate your wrist to flick the saber around. You try to pay attention, you really do, but itâs hard when every sense you have is being invaded by Obi-Wan.
He guides your wrist around the turns, and you watch as the lightsaber goes in figure-eights. You have no idea what this does for protection, but you donât care anymore. Suddenly, Obi-Wan takes your wrist and guides it in front of you, putting you back into the protective position you were in at first, and you canât help the small laugh that escapes you from the instant change. You turn your head, looking up at Obi-Wan to find that heâs already smiling at you, and you wish, for the first time since youâve been there, that Obi-Wan wasnât a Jedi.
While youâre having your moment in the courtyard, Palpatine is watching. Heâs been watching you quite a bit, when he can find you. Itâs not easy being a Sith Lord and the Chancellor. But he knows now that you are the perfect person for his job. He knows how to convince you, and now he has his insurance in case you decide not to comply.
But his offer will be too good to pass up. And who knows, if Obi-Wan is teaching you to wield a lightsaber, he may have a new member on his team very soon.
âWhy does he want to fight me?â You ask, but when you walk into the room you see Anakin standing there already, hands behind his back as he faces away from you.
âAnd you canât use the Force.â You add, because you do not want to be beaten like that.
âYou beat me with the Force already!â Anakin argues, and you shake your head.
âNot in a fight.â You shake your head, and he frowns.
âLight Force.â He bargains, and you think for a moment. You want him to teach you how to use a lightsaber, and if he has to beat you in one fight to do it, so be it.
âWhatever.â You say, rolling your eyes and shrugging your limbs out, stretching slightly. You donât expect Anakin to be as skilled as Obi-Wan, but he will be using the Force.
You make the first move, knowing that he wonât do it. You kick your leg, and he grabs it, using it to flip you. You land on your feet, barely, and realize he is much more of an offensive fighter than Obi-Wan is. You may have to shift your plans.
Anakin swings an arm out, and you catch it, spinning him around and kicking his back, but he doesnât fall. He turns, a small smile on his face, and you know heâs not going to give up.
The two of you begin exchanging blows, and you find heâs better than you originally thought. He uses the Force more than Obi-Wan does, and youâre exhausted by the time you finally are able to get him on one knee. You then are able to knock him down fully, one foot on his chest as sweat beads down your face.
âI told you she was good.â She smiles, and goes over to do her own training.
âNow, time to hold up your end of the bargain.â You hold your hand out for his lightsaber, and he scowls before unhooking it and placing it in your hand. His lightsaber is different, more smooth, and you get into position before turning it on.
âShow me what Obi-Wan taught you.â Anakin says, and you flick your wrist the way Obi-Wan had, slowly gaining confidence. You twist the lightsaber in front of you and then behind, and you had to admit you felt pretty cool. âAlright, show off.â Anakin stops you, and you smile as you turn his lightsaber off.
âTeach me something else.â You say, tilting your chin up. Anakin nods, thinking for a moment.
âThese are the defensive stances.â He shows you, and you copy, mimicking his moves. You can tell your not doing it quite right, but instead of how Obi-Wan had showed you the stance, Anakin uses the Force to move your elbows into the correct stance, and while you can almost feel his hands like a ghost against you, itâs not near as intimate as your session with Obi-Wan.
Who, unbeknownst to you, is standing outside the room, having just gotten back from his mission.
And he realizes, at the same time you do, that you could have used the Force to adjust your stance. Your eyes widen, both of you mirror images of each other without knowing, as you come to the same conclusion; Obi-Wan wanted to be that close to you.
âShit.â Obi-Wan whispers, because itâs the only word he can think of to accurately describe this situation heâs found himself in.
While walking in the halls, you notice itâs eerily silent. You pause, knowing something is off. This isnât the kind of silence that is attributed to being alone, this is the calm before the storm that you know all too well. Your pulse jumps, and you close your eyes as you try to get a hold on yourself, on your senses. Opening your eyes, you scan the empty hallway. Maybe youâre being paranoid, but usually these gut feelings are right. Something very wrong is happening in the Senate building. Youre about to run, to just leave the area and tell the others, but you barely make it a step before a bomb goes off, blasting you backwards. You donât have time to prepare yourself before the world goes dark, and all you can hope is that this isnât the Separatists and your friends are nowhere nearby.
You know youâve never been that lucky.
When the alarm starts to sound, Obi-Wanâs heart jumps, because he knows something is wrong. Coruscant rarely gets attacked, but this seems off. Something is very wrong.
âGeneral Kenobi, we need you in communications!â Master Windu calls, and Obi-Wan canât help himself as he looks down the hall of people running, searching for something. He knows exactly what heâs looking for, but he doesnât want to admit it.
âNo, Anakin and I werenât at this meeting.â She looks guiltily at her Jedi, and he closes his eyes for a moment as he realizes how bad this looks.
âOh, no?â Obi-Wan crosses his arms as he looks at them, and Anakin huffs. An unusual anger crosses over him, and his temper temporarily gets the best of him. âThen whatever were you doing?â
âWe need to find Y/N.â Anakin cuts him off, and Obi-Wan isnât exactly sure what to say now. He wants to find you, but he needs to report to his station with the Jedi.
When they make it to communications, Master Windu and Master Yoda are already there. Theyâre looking at the map of the Senate House, a red pulsing dot where it was hit.
âBut how could this happen? Coruscant hasnât been attacked in a thousand years.â Master Windu says, Obi-Wan and Anakin going up to the table to read some early reports. Obi-Wan had heard the blast, had felt the light change in the Force when the attack happened, but there was little information available. According to the reports so far, it looked like a Separatist scare tactic. But there wasnât enough information about what happened so far to pin that down as the exact story.
âGetting more bold, they are.â Master Yoda comments, and Obi-Wan shakes his head.
âBut what was the point of doing it in a mostly empty hall? If the Separatists wanted to send a message, they would have done it during the Senate meeting.â He says, because things arenât making sense.
âMaybe it was just a message. They want us to know they still have power.â Anakin says, but Obi-Wan shakes his head. Something isnât right about this. Just as theyâre about to look a little deeper, a message comes through the middle of the command center.
âWhat do you want, Cad Bane?â Master Windu asks, and Obi-Wan wonders if the Jedi too are being broadcast to everyone, as heâs assuming Cad Bane is.
âWho is that? Sheâs not a Senator.â Master Windu says, and Obi-Wan realizes that everyone will know exactly who you are now, even if they didnât after your Senate campaign.
âNo? Well, she must be pretty important, because my boss requested her specifically.â Cad Bane is smiling that sinister smile, and Obi-Wan cannot keep to himself for the first time since he became a Jedi Knight. He doesnât care that thereâs a reason she was requested specifically, and he doesnât care that heâs playing right into a plan clearly set into place.
âWho hired you?â He asks, because heâll go after them next. As soon as he gets you to safety.
âCurious, Jedi?â Cad Bane laughs, and this sets you off. You pull on whatever is tying your arms back, and it breaks Obi-Wan just a little that he canât help. âIt doesnât matter, really. All you have to do to get her back is stop the bill.â
âYou canât do this.â Anakin pounds a fist into the table, but they all know Cad Bane doesnât care about democracy or the Republic.
âYou have one hour.â Cad Bane says with a sinister smile, and then the holo shuts off.
âWhere were they?â Obi-Wan asks, looking around the table for any insight.
âIt seems like theyâre in a room on the offshoot of the attacked hall.â Master Windu looks thoughtful, and Obi-Wan wonders for a moment if itâs obvious through the Force how stressed and scared he is right now.
âThink logically, we must. The Senatorâs safety, our priority must be.â Master Yoda tells them, and Obi-Wan takes deep breaths as he tries to calm his emotions. He can think more rationally when heâs calm.
âPa-Senator Amidala, he has Y/N.â Anakin says, because his weakness is always people. Obi-Wan looks at the floor plans, trying to figure out what the best way to get to you is. âWe canât let him keep her.â
âMaster Obi-Wan, what do you think?â Anakin asks, and when Obi-Wan closes his eyes all he can see is Satine, him failing to save her in the Mandalorian armour he had stolen to blend in.
He couldnât save Satine, and he has to live with that. But maybe, this is his chance to redeem himself. Maybe he can make it up to himself, to you, to Satine, the way he had been hoping to since the day he met you.
âI have a plan.â He finally says, opening his eyes and having to take a deep breath to push away the memories of his time on Mandalore. It feels like it was so just yesterday, but at the same time years ago. Itâs too much for him to handle. âIâm going to sneak through his defenses by using Clone armor.â He can feel Anakinâs eyes on him, but he canât look at anyone.
âWe need you to get the Senator back in order to make peace in this war.â Master Windu tells Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan just nods. He wonât fail this mission, because failure would be a catastrophic loss he canât bring himself to think about just yet.
âObi-Wan, get that Clone armor. We have no idea what Cad Bane could be doing to her, and we canât afford to lose this bill.â Master Windu finally says, and Obi-Wan nods.
âIâd be more worried about what sheâs doing to him.â Anakin says under his breath, just before Obi-Wan leaves. Obi-Wan hopes that youâve somehow found a way out of this, that he wonât find you in the hallway like Satine. The thought is making him sick, his head swimming.
Heâll find you. And if he doesnât, then he sure as shit is finding Cad.
When you had come to, you were already tied up, your mouth gagged. You werenât sure how to feel about this, having been caught off guard and also been taken for the first time since you arrived in this galaxy. You looked around, thinking there had to be more people with you, and you needed to take inventory of them if you were to ensure their safety.
But you were alone.
You can feel blood dripping from a cut on your forehead, but the need to think about whatâs going on outweighed the pain that was beginning to blossom. Why were you specifically taken? Thereâs no way anyone knew about your past, so the only reason you can think of is the fact that youâre running for Senator. It canât be that serious, can it? You werenât a threat, not that they knew of.
You watched as your captor, a blue, scary looking alien, made a call using a hologram that he held in hand. âSenators, it has come to my attention that you are about to pass a bill to start negotiations with the Separatists.â He growls, and your eyes widen. You had been paying attention to this, hoping the bill would pass soon because that would make the war efforts much easier.
âWhat do you want, Cad Bane?â An unknown voice asks, and you try to look around your captor to see the hologram, but you canât see much.
âItâs not about what I want. Iâm just here to do my job. But my boss does not want this bill to pass. And so, Iâve taken one of your Senators, in the hopes that you drop this bill. If you do, Iâll give you her back. And if you donât, well,â Cad Bane clicks his tongue, and you roll your eyes at these dramatics. âYou can say goodbye to this beauty.â He finally moves the hologram over so you can see, and you notice Obi-Wan and Anakin standing at a table with two others. Obi-Wanâs face is pure shock, but to Anakinâs credit he keeps a mask on. You look over at Cad Bane, a plan already forming in your head. Youâre going to kill him.
âWho is that? Sheâs not a Senator.â The other man at the table says, and Cad Bane moves the hologram back, taking away your view of Obi-Wan.
âNo? Well, she must be pretty important, because my boss requested her specifically.â Cad Bane says, and you wonder who exactly knows about you. You werenât taken because you were alone, you were taken because someone knows your name. They know you.
âWho hired you?â Obi-Wan asks, venom in his voice. Youâre almost shocked at this, but youâre too busy working on getting out of the bonds behind your back. They arenât real handcuffs, instead the same flimsy material that is gagging your mouth. How stupid.
âCurious, Jedi?â Cad Bae laughs, and you are so close. You just need the Jedi to keep him busy for a few more moments. âIt doesnât matter, really. All you have to do to get her back is stop the bill.â
âYou canât do this.â Anakin says, and he sounds angry. You try to make little movements as you slip your left hand out of the bindings.
âYou have one hour.â Cad Bane turns off the hologram, and turns to you just as you stand, not even taking the time to ungag yourself before you go at him. You punch with your dominant hand, then rip out one of those stupid vent things from his cheek. He gasps, grabbing at your neck, but you kick him back. Thereâs space between you and him now, and just as youâre about to run, he pulls out a blaster. You pause, because you donât want to die.
You donât want to die.
You actually want to live in this stupid galaxy, with no way back to Earth, because whether you like it or not this place is now your home. You like the dresses, and you love your friends, and this place is in need. They are in the middle of a war, and you want to help.
So you put your hands up, watching Cad Bane reconnect his vent with a sinister smile that you hate.
âI shouldâve known youâd be feisty.â He chuckles, and you swallow down the urge to throttle him. The most infuriating part of this is you could beat him. You could kill this man, whoâs taking advantage of you, your friends, your Republic, but he isnât playing fair because for the first time in your entire life, you are not willing to die for your cause. Instead, you are willing to live for your cause.
You want to win the Senate so badly at this moment that you almost throw caution to the wall and kill Cad Bane just to start campaigning as hard as possible. But if you go at him, if you show your cards and beat him to pulp, thatâs the end. No one would think an innocent girl whoâs never been off planet before could do that. There would be questions, and there would be way too many remarks, and instead of winning the Senate you would throw the entire thing away.
You lift your chin, staying in place with your hands raised. Your life is completely in Obi-Wanâs hands, should the Jedi decide to rescue you and forfeit the bill. You wonder if your life, especially in this galaxy, is worth that, as much as you want to live.
âThatâs what I thought.â He says, and you refuse to beg him for your life, no matter how you feel. He was hired to find you, and you donât think heâll kill you - otherwise theyâll just put the bill through anyway. You just have to hold on, and you can do that silently..
But then he pulls the trigger, and you feel jolts of electricity run through your body as you realize this blaster was not set to kill.
Fuck.
The second Obi-Wan puts the helmet over his head, he almost throws up.
Why had he had this plan in the first place? Why wouldnât he just sneak his way to you? It would take longer, but he could have done it. Heâs not thinking straight, and he takes a few seconds to just close his eyes and take some breaths. If heâs going to pull this off, he has to be calm. He canât bring his lightsaber, so the only weapon heâll have is the standard Clone issued blaster.
For a moment, just a fleeting, thoughtless moment, Obi-Wan wonders what you would do.
âYou donât have to do this alone.â Anakin is still there, and Obi-Wan opens his eyes to look through the helmet to turn and look at his former padawan. âI know we donât talk about it, but just because youâre a Jedi Master doesnât mean you have to go through life with no help.â Obi-Wan wants to spit that itâs easy for Anakin to say, but he doesnât because he knows thatâs emotion talking. Instead, he nods, wordlessly heading off.
Once you're safe, heâll reflect on the way this situation made him feel. But right now, as he marches through the hallways, he can only take one step forward, one breath after another.
Heâs quiet as he walks through the halls, but thereâs no one there. Everyone has gotten the hint that they need to go to their homes and not leave. Which makes it slightly easier for Obi-Wan. When he gets closer, next to where the blast was, his heart lurches. He knows youâre okay, at least for now. And he doesnât have his lightsaber but he doesnât need it to kill Cad Bane.
Cad Bane isnât stupid, he knows this from the many times the bounty hunter has plotted against the Republic, but he seems to have done this mission without his usual friends.
Itâs almost too easy to take out the one guard he has posted outside the room, and Obi-Wan isnât even really thinking about it. He gets into the room, blaster raised, to see you on the ground, Cad Bane standing over you.
Obi-Wan doesnât have time to even imagine what he could have done to you, instead watching Cad Bane turn and smile.
âA fearless knight here to rescue the princess?â He teases, and Obi-Wan breathes before shooting. But Cad Bane is quick, moving to the side and drawing his own blaster. âWhatâs a useless clone going to do?â He asks, shooting at Obi-Wan, who holds a hand out and stops the blast mid air, watching Cad Baneâs smirk fall.
âIâm much less useless than you think.â He says, preparing to turn the blast right back on Cad Bane. But then the bounty hunter does the most unexpected thing of all - he throws his weapon to the floor, hands up, and looks at Obi-Wan.
âJedi are forbidden to kill unarmed creatures.â He says, and Obi-Wan almost does it, but he doesnât have time to wrestle with his conscious. He sets his gun to faze with the flick of his finger, then pulls the trigger before Cad Bane can move this time. The bounty hunter falls to the ground, and before his body is fully horizontal Obi-Wan is on his knees beside you, pulling you into his arms.
And this just feels so familiar, so painfully familiar that he canât breathe. Heâs being suffocated, and he can barely push his helmet off before heâs trying to see your face, trying to scan your vitals.
âObi-Wan?â He doesn't even realize your eyes are open, that you're reaching for his face, because there are tears clouding his eyes. Actual tears. He doesnât know the last time he cried, but he feels like he canât breathe. âObi! Obi, whatâs wrong?â Youâre moving to sit up now, and he realizes that youâre alive. Youâre not dead, this isnât a repeat of his past like some screwed up holo.
âYouâre okay?â Obi-Wan tries to make it out, but he can barely breathe. Youâre sitting between his legs now, and your hands are on his face.
âObi, breathe. Youâre having a panic attack.â You tell him, your words barely making it through his tortured mind. âObi, listen to my voice.â He finally looks at you, looks into your eyes, and he feels his heart calm. He can feel the smooth skin of your palms against his beard, can hear how youâre controlling your breathing. He does the same, and your eyes lose a little of their craze, which makes him breathe a little easier.
You stay in his arms until heâs finally breathing normally, his hands clutching the fabric of your sunset colored dress. It had been one of your favorites, but it had been ripped and dirtied from the blast.
âIâm sorry.â Obi-Wan finally says, moving his hands and taking a deep breath, head clearing. He doesnât offer any other explanation, and usually youâd be okay to let it go. But this was a lot, for both of you, and you need to know what just happened. There is no letting this go, because it clearly impacted Obi-Wan in a way youâve never seen before. You thought you were a tough, emotionless badass, but the Jedi hid their emotions well.
âWhat happened?â You question, moving away from him and standing, outstretching your hand to him. He takes it, leaning heavily on you to stand. He looks at you, straight in your eyes, and you know heâs been tortured by his past. Youâd never forget those eyes, the blue so bright with emotion against the red of his skin. For a moment, you think heâs going to deny your request for information, that heâs going to pretend you havenât asked anything. If he did, you wouldnât push. You know how horrific the past can be, and someone with this level of PTSD must have never been able to fully work through it.
âThe day before you came, I lost,â He stops, unable to continue, and you grab his hand. His body freezes, and you think you made the wrong decision before he grips your hand tight, so tight you canât let go. âI lost the love of my life.â His words shock you, causing you to pause. You have no idea what to do, because while youâve been in this situation, Obi-Wan seems to have reacted completely differently.
âObi,â You have no idea how to comfort him, because heâs so torn up over you having been captured. What does this mean about how he must feel for you, if his lover has been gone for a year?
âIn trying to save her, I had to disguise myself as a Mandalorian. I didnât save her in time. Itâs my fault sheâs dead.â Obi-Wan admits, and you shake your head, because you know exactly how he feels. You and Obi-Wan are more alike than you think. âDarth Maul, the same Sith that killed my master, slain her in front of me.â His tears are flowing, and you canât think of anything to fix this. You know exactly what he is going through, but you also know how no one else can ease this pain.
âWhen I saw you in danger, and I had to disguise myself as a clone to get the upperhand on the bounty hunters, I think it all came back. And seeing you lay there,â Obi-Wan lets go of the hand he was still holding of yours, turning around to wipe his eyes. You wonder if you should share your own story, if it would do more harm than good, but ultimately decide that this grand senate room will be the place that you and Obi-Wan Kenobi form a trauma bond over your dead lovers.
âBucky died.â You say, watching Obi-Wanâs back tense. Itâs weird, bringing up Bucky; you havenât thought of him in so long, and not because you stopped loving him, but because the time apart from him and your other friends has caused some reflection. Your problems on Earth were so far away, and you had to deal with the problems you could solve here, in the Galactic Republic. You knew you could never go back to Earth, so you tried not to dwell. But you had to bring it all back up in an attempt to help Obi-Wan know he wasnât alone. âThe alien, he came and I couldnât stop him. And it wasnât just Bucky. It was half of all living things in our universe. Plants, animals, everything, gone, with the snap of his fingers.â You snap, and you wonder if the Jedi would have been able to stop Thanos. Probably not, with his ability to bend anything and everything to his will, but youâd like to think that with their help you may not have lost.
âWhat?â Obi-Wan turns, face dry but still puffy. You nod, your emotions strong but not overbearing like they once were.
âIâm only here because I wanted to bring him back. I was selfish enough to try a method we hadnât perfected, hadnât even tried or fully understood, and I left the remaining half of my friends when they needed me most.â The guilt about this is still strong as ever, even with the added time that youâve been away.
âThat isnât selfish.â Obi-Wan says, and you roll your eyes, not allowing him to give any more reasons.
âIsnât the Jedi way not to have attachments so you canât make mistakes like this?â You question, crossing your arms. He just shrugs.
âGood thing you arenât a Jedi.â He answers, and you both stare at each other, Obi-Wan still in his clone armor, before you burst into laughter.
You laugh harder than you have in a long while, tears coming to your eyes. You laugh so hard that your stomach hurts, and you almost throw up from the lack of oxygen youâre getting. Obi-Wan isnât fairing much better; heâs doubled over, and you laugh harder at his gasps, which sends you both into another fit.
When you finally calm down, your eyes are wet from amusement, and you and Obi-Wan are leaning against each other. You have no idea what exactly was so particularly funny, but youâre thankful for the break. This galaxy and itâs war can get too serious, and while itâs a grave matter you canât allow the Separatists to break your spirit entirely.
The two of you turn to see the blue alien still on the ground, hat blown off his ugly, small head, and take a deep breath to gather yourself.
âLetâs bring Cad Bane to the prison.â Obi-Wan finally says, but when you look at him the two of you break into laughter once more.
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
âAnakin thinks you're Force-sensative after that.â She tells you, and you roll your eyes.Â
âJust because I know how to fight does not make me a Jedi.â You go into your small Senate quarters, shared with a couple other people.Â
âThatâs not it.â She says quietly as you take your seats. âYou beat him. He was about to do the same thing you did, but he caught air.â Sheâs smiling, and you can tell she may like the way her lover feels cheated to save his girl.Â
When the meeting is over, you feel like you can almost relax. You donât have anything planned for the rest of the day, so you were going to go to the Archives and read, maybe something light this time.Â
âI sleep in the same place every night.â You joke, even though you are wondering why Obi-Wan wouldnât come see you if heâd been looking for you.Â
âYes, well,â Obi-Wan scratches the back of his neck, and you wait for his answer. âIâve been preparing something for you. A surprise.â You pull your brows together in confusion.Â
âWhy?â You let it slip, and Obi-Wan lets out a startled laugh.Â
âBecause I appreciate our friendship.â He says, and you canât help but wonder what he means by this. âI know how much you miss your home. And Iâm sorry itâs taken so long, but Iâve arranged for us to visit Corellia.â You pause in your tracks, blinking at the floor.Â
âWhat?â You whisper, finally looking up at him.Â
âAccording to what youâve told me, Corellia is the closest planet that fits most of your descriptions of Earth.â He says it like heâs explaining clothing, like he hasnât just done the single most touching thing anyone has ever done for you in your entire life.Â
âAnd you cleared our schedules to take me to Corellia because you listened.â You explain it like youâre a child, like he hadnât just laid it all out for you.Â
âDo you not like this idea? I thought you missed the greenery of your world.â The two of you are facing each other now, in the middle of a deserted hallway. You can feel the tears rising, and you wonât be able to stop them. This will be the second time youâve cried in front of Obi-Wan, which makes him the person you have cried in front of the most. In every universe, in every galaxy, Obi-Wan is who you have been most vulnerable with.Â
You launch yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing your face into his soft robes, tears falling. You canât believe someone would care about you enough to do this, enough to not only listen but create a whole plan to cheer you up.Â
âThank you,â You whisper, trying to get your emotions under control. His arms hesitantly come around your waist, holding you closely as you try not to hiccup. You press your face into his surprisingly soft robes, and he pulls you in just a little closer.
âYouâre welcome.â He says softly, and you push yourself away, wiping your face.Â
âSo, when do we leave?â You ask, almost bouncing on your toes. You canât believe youâd ever say it, but you feel trapped on this planet - a planet, it sounds crazy just thinking about it - confined to just the Senate and your friendsâ rooms, sometimes going to the Jedi Temple to read in the Archive.Â
When Obi-Wan is landing the ship, you canât help but stare out the window at the planet. It reminds you so much of Earth, but at the same time itâs different. You finally look away when the ship lands in a forest.Â
âThis planet doesnât have many forests anymore, mostly cities.â He says, and it really was like Earth. You look around the trees that look so different from Earth, but theyâre trees all the same and your heart feels completely full.Â
âItâs perfect.â You mutter, letting Obi-Wan get out of the ship first.Â
âYou stay here, R4.â He tells his droid, which you smile at before following him out of the ship. You look around, taking in the fresh air. The air on Coruscant is fine, but this feels cleaner somehow. âTake this. You canât have your gun, because it would raise suspicion, but this is a blaster. I think it will work relatively the same way.â He tells you, and you nod with a smile, tucking it into your pants.Â
âThis is beautiful.â You say, barely looking where youâre going when you trip over the root of a tree. Obi-Wan reaches out to catch you, and you smile gratefully before you continue walking, still looking at all the plants on the ground. There were flowers blooming, and even some bugs around.Â
You missed bugs. You canât believe it.Â
âWatch where youâre going. Corellia is relatively safe, but it is not a completely peaceful planet. There could be traps.â He informs you, and you wonder where Obi-Wan is taking you. It must be something nice, if you couldnât land there, and you follow where he steps all the way to the edge of a cliff, where you finally look back up and see the water that spreads out around you. You can see the end, a small green dot in the distance, but blue crystalline surface stretches for miles and makes your heart race
âWow,â You breathe, looking over to see the waterfall to your right. There was greenery draping over it, making the area look secluded. It was breathtaking, and you canât believe it wasnât Earth. You have to turn to look at Obi-Wan to assure you that he hasn't flown you back to Earth, but heâs looking at you with one side of his lips turned in a soft smile.Â
He was looking at you, when there was all this scenery around you. Your cheeks heat, and you look back at the glittering water.Â
âI brought food.â Obi-Wan takes off the pack he carried all the way out here, and sits on the ground as he lays out the arrangement of food he brought. You smile as you sit across from him,Â
âYou came prepared.â You say with a smile as you grab some food, noticing it was your favorite snacks from this galaxy. You have no idea how he pulled this off, or if it was completely by accident, but youâve never taken your meals with him. Youâre afraid to ask how he knew, just in case it was a complete coincidence that he brought your favorite things, so you just pretend heâs known this whole time.
âOf course.â He tells you, and you wonder what this all means. He took time off from whatever it is that Jedi do, cleared your schedule, found a planet so Earth-like youâd believe it was actually Earth if you didnât know any better, and then packed your favorite foods for a picnic by the lake.Â
âThank you for everything, Obi-Wan.â You tell him sincerely as you finish eating, not able to look at him with all the vulnerability youâre about to show. âNot just for this, but for everything before it. I know youâre the reason why I was able to stay out of the Jedi Councilâs way when I first got here, and youâve done so much to help me.â And what have you done? Almost kissed him - which you still donât know if it is or isnât allowed for the Jedi.Â
âItâs nothing, Y/N.â He tells you gently, and you finally look at him to see him smiling kindly. âYou didnât know any better when you came to Coruscant. There was no reason for the Jedi to seize you, no matter the disturbance in the Force. You have proven to be a loyal friend.â He starts packing up the uneaten food, and you feel so touched by his words. He saved you just because you were innocent, something you have never felt being in the Red Room. You are always guilty of something, but thatâs not what Obi-Wan sees.Â
When you get back to the ship, itâs starting to get dark, and Obi-Wan suggests you both rest before you two set out on your hike the next day. You canât help but feel the excitement thrum in your bones as you try to sleep, which proves to be pointless. Youâre up at dawn with Obi-Wan the next morning, heading out up the mountain you had landed near.Â
âThis hike is difficult.â Obi-Wan tells you as you climb, but youâre ready for it. It feels good to move around for something that has nothing to do with keeping in shape to be ready to run, ready to fight. This is simply for pleasure, to see the water as it curves around the land and the flowers as they blow in the wind.Â
âI think hiking is my new favorite pastime.â You jest, and the two of you fall into an easy silence as you hike up. It takes a couple hours, but youâre loving the burn of your muscles and how they lead you to an even better view with every push.
When you finally get to the top, itâs breathtaking. You can see the whole lake, and on the other side one of the cities Obi-Wan was talking about. He tells you all about it as you sit and eat your food, just staring at the vast trees, listening to his interesting accent but not really the words he was saying.Â
You wished you could stay here forever, just you and Obi-Wan with the trees. You pick a flower and put it behind your ear before you lay back, looking at the sky. There are some clouds, and you watch them pass by like time does. Before you know it, Obi-Wan is standing and telling you that you better get going if you want to make it back to the ship before nightfall.Â
The hike down is easy, and you wish you had a camera to take pictures of the sunset over the lake just as youâre losing view of it.
When youâre almost to the bottom, something pops out of the ground next to Obi-Wan and causes you to jump. You reach for the blaster Obi-Wan had given you, pointing it at the droid that had come out of a hidden hatch, but the droid has a forcefield around it. You move closer to Obi-Wan, unsure of what to do. He has his lightsaber out, ready to deflect blasts.Â
âStay behind me.â He says, and you blanch.Â
âExcuse me?â You see him pause, realize what he said, and widen his eyes.Â
âI just want you to be safe.â He corrects, not advancing on the droid but still deflecting the bullets. You try to figure out the best course of action, like maybe drawing his fire, or sneaking behind it.Â
âCover for me.â You tell him, and he nods. You sneak off the path, and the droid chooses to focus on the Jedi, which is good because you donât have anything to deflect the blasts coming at you. Just as youâre about to advance, thereâs another loud noise and Obi-Wan yells. The ground beneath him seems to have ruptured, and you wonder if heâs stepped on or near a bomb. You watch, almost in slow motion, as Obi-Wan falls against a bed of rocks. Hard.Â
It looks bad, and you know it is when his head thumps against one of the other rocks. You donât have time to look at him and make sure heâs okay, though, as the droid is still shooting at you.Â
Now, with the Jedi being taken care of, the droid turns to you. You steel yourself, blaster in hand, about to just go for it, when Obi-Wan comes up behind it and slices it clean in half.Â
âAre you okay?â You ask, because his face is dirty and scratched. Thereâs blood running down the side of his face where he hit his head, dying his auburn hair a dark shade of red that almost makes you sick.Â
âYeah. Great job.â He tells you, but something is off. Heâs holding his side, and his eyes arenât focused. You move his hand, and you see the horrific cut he was hiding from you.Â
âObi-Wan!â You cry, and he stumbles but rights himself with your help. Your heart races as blood stains his cream robes, moving far too fast. âYouâre not okay. We need to get back to the ship, so you - Obi-Wan!â You barely catch him as his eyes roll back into his head and he starts to fall. You save him from falling down the hill, in turn sliding yourself in the rocks and dirt. Itâs nothing compared to what Obi-Wan has, and youâre thankful youâre so close to the ship. As you move to grab his body better, the flower slips out of your hair, but you donât have the time to catch it before it falls in his blood, staining the soft petals and making you pause at how tragically beautiful it is. You pick it up and place it on the ground before taking a deep breath to steady yourself.Â
Youâre going to have to drag Obi-Wan to the ship, but before you do that you strip off your robe and tie it around his middle to hopefully protect the cut. You have to pull at his legs, hoping his head doesnât hit any large rocks, because pulling his arms would cause the gash to pull and continue to bleed.Â
âPlease, just open your eyes.â You beg as you make it down the trail and finally come up to the ship. R4 is waiting, whirring and beeping like a goddamn microwave, and itâs dark already. You drag Obi-Wan up the ramp, arms and thighs burning, and thankfully R4 shuts the door. The lights are on, and already you feel better.Â
âR4, I need whatever medical aid you have on the ship.â You say, hoping thereâs at least a little bit. He rolls off, and you look at Obi-Wan, still on the ground because you canât lift him into a bed. You pull off your shirt now, just in a bralette, and put it underneath his head. You beg him once more to open his eyes, but he seems almost dead to the world, a thought you hate.Â
R4 comes rolling back with the medical aid, and you sigh when you see the size of the box. You know youâll be able to fix up Obi-Wan in time; youâre used to fixing up wounds of all sizes and severity from being on the run, not able to go to the hospital. You set the box beside you with a brief thanks and open it up, which is where your confidence waivers and your heart drops.Â
You have no idea how to use any of this stuff.
Thereâs medical tools in here that you have never seen before, packages with strange writing that you donât know how to decipher. The contents donât look too promising, and the only thing you can really tell what it is is the gauze, but you need to disinfect the wound first. You look back at Obi-Wan, at the rapidly spreading blood, and realize you are in over your head.Â
R4 beeps at you from the other side of Obi-Wan, and your eyes snap up, looking as it just stares with the circular eye-like compartment on the top of it. It beeps at you again, and you snap.Â
âI donât understand you!â You scream, because whoâs around to hear it? âI should have paid more attention, I know, but I donât know what youâre saying and Obi-Wan is dying!â You look back down at him, panic flooding your veins.Â
R4 beeps again, and you almost throw something at the droid.
âStop!â You cry, hands going to your hair to pull. âI know that you could probably fix him, but you donât have hands, do you? And we canât work together because I was selfish and didnât think Iâd ever need to speak more than the three languages I already do.â You look back in the box, not sure where to even start, but you have to get started if you want Obi-Wan to even have a chance.Â
R4 whirrs, and this time you do throw something at it. The droid looks from you to the tool on the ground, then back to you, and whirrs.Â
And something in your brain clicks.Â
âI need that?â You ask, and R4 beeps. You reach over Obi-Wan and pick up the tool, inspecting it quickly before turning back to R4. âOne beep for yes, two for no.â You frantically say, and the droid beeps, lighting up. You smile for the first time, hoping this works.Â
This has to work.Â
âOkay, okay, so I need this to fix Obi-Wan.â You say, and R4 beeps once. âIs it the first thing I use?â You ask, and thereâs a frantic two beeps, followed by a whirr. You nod, placing it on the ground then hold up another item.Â
This goes on, far longer than you like, until you finally come to the first thing you need to do. The supplies you know you need are on the ground in order in front of you, and you can finally take your tied clothing off from Obi-Wanâs torso. The blood clings to it, and you feel horrible for taking so long and not being able to speak Binary. You grab the scissors, cutting Obi-Wanâs robes away from the wound, until youâre able to just work with his skin. Then, you take the package of thick wipes that you deduced from R4 are first, and begin to spread them across Obi-Wanâs torso. You assume these are like alcohol wipes, disinfecting the area, but you have no idea. Once you clean the area, the cut does look better. You clean the cut on his head quickly, which is much smaller than the one on his torso. You move his hair out of his face, gently even though he canât feel it. You pick up the first tool that you had thrown at R4, which you have no idea how to use. It looked almost like a screwdriver or some thin tool like that, and you had no idea how to use it.Â
âWhat does this do?â You ask, but R4 of course doesnât answer you. The beeps and whirrs set you off again, and you have to close your eyes and take a deep breath. Youâve survived the horrors of the Red Room; you can save Obi-Wan.Â
You look at the device, turning it around in your hand until you find a button. Pressing it, the tip of the tool made a small sound, and you realized what exactly this was.Â
You were going to have to burn Obi-Wanâs skin.Â
You prayed to anything that was listening that the Jedi wouldnât wake up. This was going to be painful, and you almost donât want to do it. But you know R4 wouldnât lead you astray, and you had to save Obi-Wan. After everything he did to you, you had to return the favor.Â
You pinch the skin together and point the laser at it, closing the wound as fast as you can. Itâs going to scar pretty bad, but Obi-Wan will live.Â
You reach for the next supply you need, some sort of gauze, but R4 doesnât seem to like this. The droid beeps and moves slightly, and you frown.Â
âNot this?â You had thought that you had all the supplies out, but apparently not. You pick some out of the box, but R4 says no to them. Youâre getting frustrated, about to cry now, when you pick up the first product you had used, and R4 lights up with just a single beep.Â
âThe cleaning pads?â You donât understand, because the area is still clean. R4 beeps, and you want to scream at it to shut the hell up, but you close your eyes instead and think. Maybe if you pull them out, you can figure out what R4 thinks these should be used for. You start dabbing Obi-Wanâs cut again, and R4 beeps twice.Â
Not that, then.Â
You place it down on top of the cut, and R4 beeps once. You frown, looking from the cut to the droid.Â
âI just place it on top?â You clarify, and R4 beeps once more, lights turning on and off. You just blink, then move onto the next step, which you know. You bandage Obi-Wanâs torso and then his forehead, breathing easier now that heâs okay. You lean back against the wall, the adrenaline draining from you. You donât have the energy to clean up the discarded packages, instead moving your legs to stretch out so you could place Obi-Wanâs head in your lap. You card your hand through his hair, watching his calm face as he breathes slow and deep. R4 whirrs, but you donât have it in yourself to care. That was the most adrenaline youâve felt in a long while, and honestly youâre not sure how to feel about it. You used to love the rush of adrenaline, the rush of a new mission, but you hated this. And you havenât craved that mission rush in awhile. And maybe itâs because the whole time youâve been in this new galaxy, your entire life has felt like one long mission. But you have conflicting feelings about the adrenaline rush, how it may have felt if this were a real mission and not a life threatening issue you had to solve.
If you were honest with yourself, youâd give it all up for the night you had with Obi-Wan after the party. That was the most human youâd ever felt, in this galaxy that you didnât belong in.Â
When you wake, your back is killing you and your legs have fallen asleep. Youâre a little cold, so you grab your shirt from where it was discarded on the floor and pull it over yourself once more. You check on Obi-Wan and notice heâs still knocked out cold. Your heart jolts, hoping that heâll be okay, when thereâs a knock on the door.Â
You look at R4, who is finally dead silent, then back at the door. You look for your blaster, but you canât find it, and youâd feel better if you had something - anything - to defend yourself with. Something more than your knives.Â
The knocking continues, and itâs getting harder. You need something, so when your eyes land on Obi-Wanâs lightsaber, you only think for one moment before grabbing it right off his belt.Â
You move him carefully off your legs, putting his head instead on your discarded cloak, before you stand and move to the door. You hope the people on this planet speak English, because if not theyâre getting cut in half.Â
âYou!â He yells, and your eyes widen. You look briefly at the lightsaber, turning it on and holding it up. You part your legs, trying to look like you know what youâre doing and hoping this man has never met a Jedi before. âYou killed my droid!â He accuses, and your jaw almost drops. The audacity of this man.Â
âYour droid almost killed me!â You shoot back, keeping the fact that you had a companion a secret. You did not want him to know about Obi-Wan and take advantage of your vulnerable position. âWhy did you even have one in the forest?â You ask, holding the lightsaber tight in your hands. It was heavy, and you werenât sure you could use it if you had to.Â
âItâs my forest!â The man defends, and you almost roll your eyes, but youâre not sure if it actually is his forest or not. âThe droid is there to scare off other hunters.âÂ
âDo I look like a hunter?â You sneer, holding the lightsaber out a little more. The man steps back, and you wish you knew how to do anything with it to make you look like you knew what you were doing.Â
âThe droid doesnât know that.â He spits out, and you just roll your eyes.
âListen, dude, you need to leave.â You donât want to have to hurt him, especially because you have no idea how to hurt him.Â
âNot until you pay me back for my droid.â He demands, and you want to burn him, just a little, because does he understand you have a lightsaber pointed at him?
âI swear, if you donât-â
âRharo?â A womanâs voice yells from just outside your vision, and you just want to go back to Obi-Wan. You watch as an older woman comes out from the trees. She has long dark hair thatâs going grey, wearing a simple dress with an apron. Sheâs walking toward you and the stranger with purpose, and you try to take a deep breath. âRharo, what are you doing?â She asks sternly, and the man sighs as he stamps a foot down, looking two seconds from a tantrum.Â
âMom!â He cries, and you want to close the door of the ship and never open it again. This family drama is not what you want to be a part of.Â
âThis is a Jedi Knight! They could take your head off!â She smacks the back of his head, and you almost sigh. âI am so sorry about him! He gets real upset when his toys are missing. Iâm Eirtaela, we live just on the other side of this mountain.â She informs you, and you blink, keeping the lightsaber up.Â
âMom, she killed M2U-U!â Rharo whines, and you actually roll your eyes at this.Â
âI told you not to hide those things anymore, Rharo!â Eirtaela hits her son again, and you can only watch them, not sure why the lightsaber isnât enough for them to leave. âI am so sorry, I hope you arenât hurt!â She apologizes again, and you wonder how much she has to apologize for him.Â
âLeave.â You finally say, and the two of them just blink at you.Â
âRight!â Eirtaela says, and you watch her just stand and not leave. âWe just want to make sure youâre okay.â Youâre sure that there is no âweâ in that situation.Â
âIâm fine.â You say, but then thereâs R4, beeping away at you and you want to scream.Â
âYour boyfriend is hurt?â Eirtaela cries, and you snap your neck to the droid.Â
âWhat the hell, R4?â You hiss, because why in Godâs name would the droid not only tell these people that Obi-Wan was hurt but also that he was your boyfriend. âHeâs fine.â You turn back to the two, and they stare at you. R4 beeps something else out, and you can only guess what itâs saying now.
âI was a medic in the city for a while, maybe I can take a look.â Eirtaela offers, and you want to scream.
âThat wonât be necessary.â You try, but she shakes her head.Â
âNonsense.â She walks past you, and you look at Obi-Wanâs lightsaber, wondering what it must mean on this planet if no one is scared of it. Maybe itâs the way youâre holding it. You put it away, slipping it into your own belt, and then follow Eirtaela in, Rharo coming as well.Â
âI already bandaged him up.â You tell her, and she kneels down next to the real Jedi, taking in his wounds.Â
âYou applied these bacta patches incorrectly.â You had no idea what she was saying, but she undoes the bandages on Obi-Wanâs torso, clucking her tongue. âAnd this wound, youâd think it was the first time youâve held a cauterizer.â That mustâve been the tool you used, and you tried not to tell her that it indeed was the first time youâd held a cauterizer.Â
âI did my best.â You said, feeling self conscious of your ability to take care of Obi-Wan.Â
âIn the future, you should use bacta gel instead of the pads if youâre going to put bandages over it. If you just want the bandage, then you should use the bacta bandages.â Everything sheâs saying is confusing you, but you let it go in favor of watching her work.Â
âYouâd think that a Jedi would travel with a bacta tank.â Rharo mentions, and you actually roll your eyes at this. You have no idea what a bacta tank is, but itâd probably be difficult to travel with.Â
âWhenever you get home, he could use a couple hours in the tank. But he will live.â Eirtaela finishes up his torso and works on his head, and you let out a small breath. You just want him to wake up.Â
Finally, Eirtaela is done, and her and Rharo bid their goodbyes. Youâre thankful to be alone again, but you scold R4 for telling them about Obi-Wan and also saying that he was your boyfriend. These people really must not know much about Jedi, if they didnât even question that lie.Â
âY/N?â Obi-Wan wakes up in the middle of your scolding, and you almost tackle him. You drop to your knees at his side, helping him sit up.Â
âTake it easy. Howâre you feeling?â You ask, resisting the urge to push the hair thatâs falling into his eyes out of it.Â
âFine.â He says, and you know heâs lying. While heâs no longer bleeding, heâs got to be in a lot of pain.Â
âDo you want to move to the bed?â You softly question, and he nods slowly. You help him up, then get him onto the bed. âWhat happened?â He asks, and you sigh as you think of everything that occurred while Obi-Wan was out.
âYouâre teaching me how to use this thing.â You decide on as you hold the lightsaber up, putting it next to his bed. He smiles slightly, and you do the same, before he leans his head back and closes his eyes once more.
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
âOh,â You realize sheâs talking about the night she and Anakin had gone out and asked you to cover for them, and you think about how you had opened up to him, how the two of you had fought about the Jedi Order. âIt was fine. We watched a Padawan play.â You missed the way her eyes widened, but she snapped her head around, pulling her hair from your hands.Â
âA Padawan play? At the Jedi Temple?â She asked, and you nodded, acting like nothing was wrong. Because to you, nothing was.
He wasnât prepared when he got back from the mission, ready to spend the night in their bed. It had been a particularly difficult mission, one that exhausted him, and he had exactly one night where he could turn off his coms before he had to report back.Â
âUh, what?â He asks, resisting the urge to put his hands up like he was being accused. He hadnât done anything wrong, not that he knew of, at least.Â
âHow could you have forgotten that the night you asked Y/N to cover for us, there was a Padawan play? How are Y/N and Obi-Wan supposed to go on a date if theyâre at the Jedi Temple?â She picks up a pillow from the couch and throws it at him, and he uses the Force to stop it from hitting him.Â
âI was busy!â He defends, and now that he thinks about it he does remember Master Windu telling him about the play, inviting him to come. He doesnât think he ever declined the invitation formally, but no one ever said anything about him not being there.Â
âI thought we were only doing this once?â Heâs just happy to have won, regardless of how.Â
âWe would have only needed to do it once, if someone wouldnât have forgotten what day it was.â She watches with arms crossed as he slinks forward, one hand slipping around her waist.Â
âIt just gives us more time to ourselves, right?â He whispers, and she canât help but unfold around him.Â
âI want to spar.â You tell Obi-Wan one day as you two walk to the courtyard, already dressed in your work out clothing. You would kill for something a little more breathable and light, but it seems that this galaxy doesnât do that.Â
âWith me?â He asks, as if it isnât obvious. You almost laugh, but manage to rein in it.Â
âDo you see anyone else here?â You question as you approach the courtyard, starting to stretch.Â
âI donât think itâs fair.â He tells you, and you furrow your brows.Â
âI took you out when we first met.â You point out, and he realizes this is true, you had taken out both him and Anakin.Â
âYou got the jump on us.â He admits, standing in the middle of the large space. âEven so, itâs not an even match. I can use the Force.âÂ
âThen donât.â You shrug, getting into fighting position. âJust spar like normal.â You watch as he smirks, clearly thinking heâll have you beat if you fight.Â
âIâll go easy on you.â He smiles, and you smile back sarcastically.Â
âPlease donât.â And then youâre lunging at him, punching first to save your best moves for later. He grabs your arm and twists you around, but you use the momentum to lean forward and tuck out of his grip. He looks impressed, but youâre not done. He punches this time, but heâs clearly not used to this close of combat, and itâs slow. You twist his arm back and kick your leg up to his side to bring him down with your own weight, and before he knows it heâs on the ground, you turned around on top of him. You get up to twist, but he grabs your ankle and trips you, causing you to fall forward and let out a small huff. He tries pulling you backwards more, but you twist and kick his chest, getting enough room to stand.Â
The two of you are serious now, circling each other. You can take him down if you can get behind him, but you know he wouldnât let his guard down that much when youâve only just started. Instead you run toward him, knowing heâs anticipating you to jump on top of him like you had the first time you met, and slide just to the right of him, thankful for the full body suit now. You pop up, ready to take him down, but heâs already facing you.Â
âGoing somewhere?â He mocks, and you feel the rage rise inside you. You tamp it down, knowing it wonât help with this fight, but you really want to knock the smug look right off his face. You take a deep breath before you kick your leg up, and it almost catches him off guard. Almost, because some sort of force stops your leg from hitting its target.Â
The Force.Â
âCheater!â You cry as he lets your foot go, and you push his chest instead. His face is a little red with what you assume is embarrassment .Â
âIâm sorry! Itâs a part of me, I canât just turn it off-â You do it then, using the equipment right next to you and launching yourself in the air to get one leg hooked around his shoulders, the other pressing down so he falls to the ground. But he twists, throwing you off, and the two of you end up sprawled on the ground with you on top, bodies pressed close and faces inches apart.Â
Lips inches apart.Â
Your eyes move from his eyes to his lips, and you wonder what it would feel like to kiss him with his beard. The amount of people youâve kissed of your own will is a small list, and youâve never wanted to kiss anyone more than you want to kiss him right now. It takes Obi-Wan only a second or two to break into action, pushing you off and standing, cheeks now definitely red with embarrassment. You canât believe you just put a Jedi in that position, youâre so stupid! Obi-Wan is such a nice guy, and now he probably thinks you forced him into that. One of your only friends, now ruined in just one moment.Â
âI demand a rematch.â He says unexpectedly, and you turn, eyes wide, to face him. Heâs not as flustered as you imagined, which makes you glad.Â
âYou canât demand a rematch when youâre the one who cheated.â You say, but youâre smiling.Â
âYou still won.â He states the obvious, even though youâre not sure. You had taken him down, but he hadnât yielded.Â
âI donât know if Iâd call that winning.â You admitted, and he shrugged.Â
âYou took me down. I think Iâd call that a win.â The two of you got into sparring position again, and you couldnât help the way your heart raced in anticipation.Â
You donât talk about your first match again.
Youâre sitting on Obi-Wanâs couch with R4 in front of you, Obi-Wan standing behind the droid. Youâve agreed to one lesson of Binary, because itâs going to be useless. Youâre always with one of your friends, all of whom speak Binary, so why would you need to also know it? You donât have a droid yourself, and your friends never leave you alone for too long. But Obi-Wan was insistent, so you humored him.Â
âNow, itâs not hard once you get the hang of it.â Obi-Wan tells you, and you highly doubt this. You learned all your languages at a young age and under horrific threats, so you arenât sure how great you actually are at learning a new language.Â
âThese beeps all sound the same to me, Obi-Wan!â It turns out, you arenât the greatest. Or maybe Obi-Wan isnât a good teacher, you arenât sure. But something is not working out, and it is exhausting you.Â
âYou arenât listening to the timing, to the cadence!â He says for what feels like the seventh time, and you officially want to pull your hair out.Â
âThe timing and the cadence donât matter because theyâre just beeps, Obi-Wan!â You shoot back. This seems to offend R4, but you pay the droid no mind as you stand, head aching with the amount of work youâre putting in.Â
âThey do matter. Thatâs the entire point of the language.â You can tell Obi-Wan is trying to be calm now, but you know it wonât last long. You are not going to be learning Binary - not today and not from Obi-Wan.Â
âIâm done for today.â You say, having learned absolutely nothing. âI donât understand why I would even need to learn Binary if Iâm always with you guys.â You move to his kitchen to make yourself some tea while R4 beeps from behind you.Â
âYou need to know these things because theyâre important in this galaxy.â He says softly, reminding you that you live here now forever. You have been successfully fitting in, but it would be nice to learn a different language and have something in common with your friends.Â
âMaybe we can come back to this.â You suggest, because you canât take any more beeps today. Youâre all beeped out.Â
âAlright.â Obi-Wan agrees, and youâre a little shocked by how fast he agrees. But you donât want to push it, so you let it go in favor of not getting into another fight.Â
âTea?â You offer as you pour yourself some from the kettle, and he comes up next to you, grabbing his mug and letting you pour the tea for him. âThank you for teaching me.â You tell him, and he smiles behind his mug. You both know heâs taught you nothing in Binary, but itâs a nice gesture all the same.
Itâs a hard truth to admit, but itâs easier when your friends are with you, when youâre not always looking for the next fight or telling Obi-Wan to be careful on his next mission.Â
âInteresting. Obi-Wan says he doesnât use the Force when we spar, but he also says itâs a part of him.â You share a small laugh with her, the man walking past giving you a weird look.Â
âIâve been trying.â And you had definitely not been going easy on Obi-Wan. He was just really good at fighting, having been trained as a child just like you had. âHeâs a worthy opponent.â Youâre approaching the spot, the boys already there this time.Â
âYouâve been going to the meetings, but youâll need to interact, act like youâre campaigning.â Obi-Wan explains, and you nod. You had been thinking about this for a week, how youâre going to have to actually run for Senate. You donât know what result youâre hoping for, because either way youâre stuck here.Â
âWhat will I do when I donât win?â You ask, because your cover would be open. You donât know how youâre going to be allowed to stay on Coruscant, which is where everything you care about is.Â
âYouâll stay here, and we can find something else for you to do.â Obi-Wan says calmly, and you smile at this, because they wonât leave you alone. You feel a sense of safety, a relatively new emotion, and it calms your heart as you all approach the building the party is going to be held in.
âNo one wants to talk to you during these?â You tease, taking another sip of your drink.Â
âMore the other way around.â He tells you without looking over, eyes always sweeping the room for danger. He would have been a great addition to the Avengers, you think, and it almost breaks your heart. Obi-Wan would never meet them, and youâd never see them again. But just for a moment, you imagine how heâd frown at Thor, or get along with Natasha great. âWhat are you thinking about?â His words break you out of thought, and you internally jump, but on the outside you keep it together completely.Â
âHow well youâd get along with my team on Earth.â You say, emotion clawing up your throat. âIâve been here for long enough that missing it creeps up on me. But I think not having much greenery like we have on there has made it more difficult.â You tell him honestly, trying to keep your tears in your throat. If anyone were to listen to your conversation, theyâd think you were talking about Naboo, not somewhere much further, somewhere you could never visit.
âThat outta earned me a couple of points for Senator.â The drinks have made your lips a little looser, and you down the rest of your drink before looking around. âWhat do people even do at these parties?â You ask, and Obi-Wan shrugs.Â
âOur time is much better spent talking about actual problems or going out to solve them, but this is Chancellor Palpatineâs idea.â You roll your eyes; of course it was Palpatineâs idea. You have a horrible feeling about him.Â
âWhat do you do when you go out on missions?â You ask, watching him sigh. âOr is that top secret.â Obi-Wan finishes the rest of his drink, and you wonder how much heâs had. You only ever see the Jedi have one or two at these events, but you have no idea if itâs forbidden or not for them to intoxicate themselves, especially at a public event.Â
âIt isnât top secret.â Heâs smiling, grabbing another drink, and you grin.Â
âYou just donât want to tell me?â You grab another drink yourself, because if Obi-Wan has another one then why canât you?
âItâs usually boring when it's all said and done. Stopping drug lords, stopping bounty hunters, negotiating with the Separatists." Heâs slurring a little, and itâs almost cute. âSometimes weâre fighting an actual battle, but before the war we rarely did.â
âHoly shit, thatâs boring.â You laugh, finishing your drink far too quickly. The laugh explodes out of you almost, and you almost cover your mouth with your hand as you realize how loud it was.
âWhat does that mean?â Obi-Wan asks, brows furrowed.Â
âBoring?â You question, watching as Obi-Wan finishes his drink. Half of your mind realizes how quick this is, but you donât pay much attention to it.Â
âNo, your curses. Iâve heard you say them, but we donât use them here.â He tells you, and your eyes widen dramatically.Â
âYou donât cuss!â You laugh a little too loud, but at this point in the party everyone is feeling pretty good so no one looks at you twice.Â
âI want to go home.â You tell him, drained. He nods, offering an arm out for you to take so the two of you could leave.Â
The way home is a blur, but you know Obi-Wan doesnât drive, opting to take a taxi. However, he takes you to his rooms, and doesnât even wait for the taxi to leave before opening his front door to you, which shocks you. Maybe the Jedi arenât allowed to form attachments, but they donât have to be celebate.Â
âHave you ever kissed someone?â You question as Obi-Wan trips over a chair, causing you to laugh. He stands, shaking his head, and realizing what exactly you just asked.Â
âJedi are not forbidden to have those types of⊠relations.â Obi-Wan tells you, and this isnât a yes or a no. Before you can ask for clarification, heâs already on the next topic. âWhat are your curses?â He asks, and you pause.Â
âI find it hard to believe you donât have curses here.â You tell him, and he shrugs as he sits on the couch. You slump next to him, maybe too close, but he doesnât move, so you donât either.Â
âWe have some.â He admits, staring at the night outside. Itâs bleak and boring and you wish you could see grass again.Â
âBut not shit.â You say with a small smile, looking over at him. Heâs smiling a little too, and you get lost in his eyes.
âThereâs one you say a lot,â He tells you, and you frown in thought. ââOh my God.ââ He mocks, and you laugh, hand on his thigh as you lean forward. You lean back, pulling your hand away, but his cheeks have a light dusting of pink.Â
âGod is,â You have no idea how to explain God to a galaxy that seems to have no gods. âA higher being, I guess.â You shrug.Â
âAnd youâre offering to them?â Obi-Wan questions, and you shake your head.Â
âNo. Well, some people do, but âoh my Godâ is like saying,â You try to find a good alternative, yawning lightly. ââNo way.ââ You close your eyes slightly, because the party and drinks are doing a number on you now.Â
âSo much about your world is different, even if you look like you belong here.â Obi-Wan is looking at you when you open your eyes, pushing a piece of hair out of your face. His fingers linger a moment on your face, and it feels nice, so nice that you close your eyes.Â
You donât even notice that youâve fallen asleep with Obi-Wan until you can feel the sun warming your skin, waking you peacefully.Â
When you wake up, your mouth is dry and your head is pounding. Youâre still tired, despite the sun thatâs streaming into your eyes. For a moment you donât understand whatâs going on, or where you are. You know youâre with someone. Theyâre soft, and scratchy hair is brushing your forehead.Â
âKriff!â Obi-Wanâs voice bursts through your ears, and suddenly the ground is moving underneath you. You fall off the couch, eyes opening and realizing that youâre in Obi-Wanâs rooms. And the person you were laying on, cuddling with, was Obi-Wan.Â
âOh, fuck.â You whisper, looking around and Obi-Wan grumbles all the way to his room. You look back out the window, realizing how late in the morning it is.Â
âIâm late!â Obi-Wan runs through the living area in what you assume is fresh robes, but itâs what he always wears. âDonât tell anyone about last night. Especially Anakin!â He tells you before heâs out the door, clearly in a hurry. You sit blinking on the floor, thinking about the fact that you actually cuddled someone in your sleep.Â
And you didnât have a nightmare or ruin it at all. Your friends back on Earth would be so proud.Â
What the hell is Obi-Wan doing to you?
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âSo, Master,â Anakin had waited until they were on the ship and Obi-Wan couldnât leave to even think about bringing you up. âWhat do you think about Y/N?â Obi-Wan wants to hit Anakin, a thought he has a lot, but he reigns it in and thinks of the best thing to say here.Â
âI think sheâs a nice girl thatâs been thrown into an unfortunate situation.â This is all the truth, but he doesnât add on anything else he thinks. Like how, from the very beginning, heâs always felt a connection with you, and the more you talk, the more this connection seems to grow.Â
It scares him only a little bit.Â
âYes, she does seem very kind.â Anakin never thought heâd be using the word âkindâ to describe an assassin, but he needs Obi-Wan to break down. âSheâs also very pretty.âÂ
âAnakin,â Obi-Wan starts, and Anakin scoffs.Â
âWhat? I have eyes.â Anakin is smiling, but Obi-Wan remains impassive as he stares out into the sea of stars. Theyâre silent for a moment, and then Obi-Wan is speaking up.Â
âAre you worried she wonât be able to adapt to our world?â Obi-Wan feels stupid voicing this concern, but itâs been on his mind especially since you tripped on your dress this morning.Â
âShe doesnât know anything about this galaxy. She uses strange language, and I wonât always be there to protect her if she does or says the wrong thing.â It all just comes spilling out of him, and Anakinâs eyebrows rise. There it is.Â
âAnakin,â Obi-Wan huffs, and Anakin canât help the smile on his lips. Heâs lucky Obi-Wan is too busy pretending he doesnât care to look at him. âIâm sure you care for her too, with the way youâve been so very eager to help her last night and this morning.â It slips out, in a way that Obi-Wan can usually keep in, but he tries to pretend like he had meant to say it, like he didnât just give anything away.
âAre you jealous?â Anakin asks, turning completely to Obi-Wan, who wonât look at Anakin. He does roll his eyes for effect, and Anakin wants to actually laugh at this. But that would ruin his plan, so he keeps it in.
âNo.â Obi-Wan answers firmly, and if Anakin were anyone else heâd believe it. âBut donât you already-â
âSo you donât mind if I suggest that she splits her time between our rooms.â Anakin is just trying to get a rise out of his master, and itâs working.Â
âWhy?â Obi-Wan asks, and itâs all Anakin can do to pretend like heâs not trying to deliberately get his Master to break the Jedi Code. Itâs one thing for him to know about Anakin breaking it and act like he doesnât care, but itâs another entirely for he himself to act upon feelings.
Obi-Wan is trying, with everything in him, all the training over his mind heâs been taught, not to think of you in his shirt this morning. Of Anakin seeing you like this, or you in Anakinâs shirt. Thatâs just not fair.
âIt just makes more sense, seeing as sheâs both of our responsibilities. And if youâre not jealous, then why would you have a problem-â
âItâs not that Iâm jealous, but it would be harder on her to go back and forth-â
âWell, why doesnât she just move in with me permanently.â Itâs out of his mouth before he can think about the words, because Anakin speaks without thinking a little too much. Obi-Wan turns with a shocked expression he canât hide, and the two stare at each other. This is a step too far, a step Anakin didnât want to take, but he canât go back now. Not without outing his plan. Obi-Wan has to call him out, and that would out himself. âI have less visitors.â Heâs digging a deeper hole, but he wants to see how Obi-Wan gets out of this one.Â
Itâs quiet in the ship, and theyâre almost to the planet. Once they get there, it will be all business, but for this fleeting moment, they are locked in a standoff. They are in a stare off, neither one wanting to break first.Â
âFine.â Obi-Wan finally says, then begins to do the pre-landing check for the ship. Anakin is stunned into silence, because he honestly thought that would work. He thought Obi-Wan would cave, but he should have known that his master is much more strong willed than that.Â
All Obi-Wan can think as he prepares to land the ship is that if Anakin werenât the Chosen One, if he wasnât his padawan who loves dearly and swore to not only the Jedi Order but also to his own master to protect and teach, he would slice him right here.Â
Because why does Anakin Skywalker get to have two girlfriends?
âI donât mean to pry,â She starts, and you know thatâs exactly what sheâs about to do. âBut I also know thereâs something more going on with you back home. Iâm here, if you want to talk about it.â She offers, and you think what the hell, why not? What is there to lose anymore?Â
âBack home, right before I left, there was a horrific attack. We tried to fight it, but we lost, and because of that, half of our universe died.â You tell her, and she canât hide her expression this time. One hand goes to her mouth, the other to your shoulder.Â
âI am so sorry,â She says, and you know her words are genuine. You shrug, because there is no response to this kind of loss.Â
âBut Bucky was really dead, so it didnât work.â She fills in, but you shake your head.Â
âNo, it sent me here instead.â You tell her, and her eyes narrow. âBut Wanda didnât really understand the full concept of the spell and she couldnât translate it completely. I rushed into it, because I was desperate. I just wanted a win.â You turn toward the windows, thinking about how you wanting a win has turned into your new life.Â
âWhat?â You turn to her, and she looks at you sadly.Â
âWell, Bucky had a troubled past, and so do you.â Sheâs still so soft, you want to scream and ruin it all. âMaybe you two only came together because it was the easiest option.â She doesnât even know about your isolation, about the fact that you two were really the only options. She doesnât know how broken you truly are.Â
âNo,â You say, but your ears are ringing. âNo, I love Bucky.â You do, you know this is true. Bucky is kind and his soul is sweet even through everything heâs been through.Â
âYeah. Yeah, maybe.â You respond, because you donât know what to say. No one has ever read you like that, and itâs a little terrifying. And if her theory is right, what does that mean for you getting home?
âWell, look, Master,â Anakin is smiling, but Obi-Wan has his arms crossed and is frowning. From this, you have no idea how the mission has gone. âY/N seems to blend in like a natural.â You can feel your cheeks heating as you refuse to look at either Jedi, instead looking inside of the restaurant. A little droid next to Obi-Wan beeps, and you look down at it. You have no idea if this thing is sentient like all the other droids seem to be, but you canât understand it. Itâs red and white, and you smile just in case it does actually know what a smile is. It beeps, and you raise your brows.Â
âEveryone makes mistakes.â Obi-Wan answers calmly, but this sets Anakin off some more.Â
âHe was so mad.â Anakin says through deep breaths. âHe had a meltdown on the ship.âÂ
âIt was not a meltdown.â Obi-Wan says quickly, rolling his eyes.Â
âI was there, it was a meltdown.â Anakin is like a child, pushing all the right buttons, and you feel a little bad for Obi-Wan.Â
âNo, it wasnât.â Obi-Wan is one step away from fuming, the maddest youâve seen the Jedi so far.Â
And then, the little droid thatâs next to your table clicks and a hologram is playing.Â
Obi-Wan is leaning against something the hologram isnât quite catching, hair messy and heavily breathing. You watch as he swipes something off of whatever he was leaning on, then sits on the floor, breathing deeply.Â
âR4,â Obi-Wan turns to the droid, who turns the hologram off and beeps. âI know, but that was not appropriate.â When the droid beeps again, you realize Obi-Wan is talking to it.Â
âWait,â You grab Obi-Wanâs arm to get his attention without thinking, and his eyes snap to yours. âAre you speaking to the⊠beeps?â You ask, looking between the Jedi and the droid.Â
âYes.â Obi-Wan answers simply, and you let go of him as you sit back. âR4 is sentient, just like all the droids.âÂ
âBut those arenât words.â You say, and R4 beeps at you like you just insulted him. And maybe you did, but the droid is not speaking. Itâs a glorified ATM machine noise.Â
âOf course they are.â Obi-Wan tells you, as if youâre the crazy one here. R4 beeps once more, and you can tell this one is some sort of huff because Obi-Wan is on his side.Â
âAnd you understand this?â You ask seriously, and R4 lets out more noises. âHe sounds like a microwave.â
âI donât know what that is.â Obi-Wan is trying to be serious, but the smile lifting the corners of his lips tells you otherwise.Â
âHereâs your food.â Rex slides the plates down, and you thank him before you start to dig in.Â
âWeâll have to teach you how to speak Binary.â Obi-Wan says as he cuts up the food, and you can only begin to imagine what kind of a headache that will be.Â
âI can already speak English, Russian, and Spanish.â You tell him, because you donât need to add another language to your plate right now. Youâre already juggling everything that comes with living in a new galaxy.
âWe donât have those languages.â Obi-Wan says as he takes a bite of his food, and you shake your head.Â
âYes you do. Weâre speaking English right now.â You cut a piece of your food, waiting for his reply.Â
âĐąĐŸĐłĐŽĐ° ŃŃĐŸ ŃŃĐŸ?â You ask in Russian, and Obi-Wan looks to R4, who beeps, then looks back to you.Â
âWe donât have that language.â He informs you, and you frown.Â
âÂżĂste?â You try, but R4 beeps and Obi-Wan shakes his head.Â
âNot that one either.â He says, and itâs so strange to you, how this galaxy can speak English but not Russian or Spanish.Â
âHuh,â You say, and go back to eating your sandwich.Â
âBut hey, if you know so many languages, Binary will be a breeze.â Anakin says from across the table, and you flick a piece of your food directly at his face to shut him up.
âSo, Obi-Wan and I talked - ow!â Anakinâs grunt behind you makes it clear that Obi-Wan has hit him, but when you turn around to look, theyâre both standing straight up as if nothing happened. âWe decided that you should move to my rooms, Y/N.â You pause, and Obi-Wan bumps right into you, pitching you forward a bit. He grabs you to steady you, and his hands slip against your bare skin.Â
This dress was a mistake.
You jump away as you turn around fully, looking between the Jedi.Â
âWho decided this?â You ask, crossing your arms over your exposed midriff.Â
âUh, we did?â Anakin looks over at Obi-Wan, then back at you, and you continue staring. Youâve perfected this stare, and you can tell itâs making the Jedi uncomfortable.Â
âWithout conferring with me? The one who the decision actually affects?â You ask, and youâre not sure why you care so much. Maybe itâs because the decision is being made for you, or maybe itâs because you donât want to live in Anakinâs rooms.Â
âHe wants to share responsibility.â Obi-Wan says flatly, and you raise your eyebrows as you turn to Anakin.
âNo,â He says, but when everyone stares at him, he concedes. âYes, but also less people come to my rooms. And Iâm not in them as much.âÂ
âCody,â Obi-Wan greets the clone, who takes his helmet off. He seems to be at ease with the Jedi, who are both staring at him as if something is wrong. âIs everything alright?âÂ
âYes, but sir, you forgot to attend your post-mission briefing.â You can tell Obi-Wan is angered by this, the way he ticks his jaw and takes a deep breath, but he doesnât say a word that indicates that he might not care for these.
âIs General Skywalkerâs not sufficient?â He asks, clearly annoyed by this. Anakinâs eyes go wide, but he doesn't have the chance to say anything before Cody is speaking.Â
âOh, Anakin didnât go either.â He says, and Obi-Wan turns to glare at his padawan. Cody looks between the two with the traces of a smile on his face, before his gaze falls on you. âWhoâs that?â He asks bluntly, gesturing toward you.Â
You get bored quickly, but you suppose youâre now a part of this war, and you might as well learn about it. But during the meetings all you can think about is your relationship with Bucky, if you really loved him, if you really are the reason the spell was messed up.Â
âGood morning.â You say with a smile, hoping your hair isnât too crazy. Not that it would matter, of course. Why would that matter?Â
âGood morning. I hope I havenât woken you.â The way he says it, with a small smirk, he knows you just woke up. You pull in your lips, because you are not going to admit to Obi-Wan that he woke you.Â
âI was just going to grab some caf. Want some?â You throw a thumb over your shoulder at the small kitchen, but he shakes his head.Â
âBecause the business sheâs attending today is sensitive, and sheâs unable to take visitors along.â He answers, already making you a cup of caf since you hadnât started on it yourself. You blink, not sure whether to ask him about what he said or what heâs doing. âLuckily, Iâm here to keep you company.â He turns with a cup, and you donât know whether to smile or frown.Â
âI know. But Iâd like to spend time with you today.â Obi-Wan says, and you have no retort for this, no comeback at all. You blink, then take a large gulp of the hot caf, then nod.Â
âIâll get dressed then.â You walk to the bedroom, taking your mug with you, then shut the door, not sure what to think of the last five minutes. Youâre about to decide on a gown, when Obi-Wan speaks through the door.Â
âReady,â You say as you pass him in the kitchen, but he doesnât move. You turn around, and heâs holding two of your knives that you used to always keep on you. You hadnât seen them in months, since they had been taken from you when Obi-Wan first met you.
âArenât you forgetting something?â He asks, not able to hide the smirk on his face, and you practically run. Theyâre exactly the same as you remember them, and holding them feels just as good, if not better, than ever. You run back to the room to grab your holsters that you had pushed to the corner of the closet, your hopes not high on ever getting them back. You put one holster on your thigh and the other on your non-dominant arm, and you feel more like yourself than you have in weeks.Â
âThank you.â You say, and Obi-Wan nods.Â
âI kept them for long enough.â He says, and then the two of you are out the door, ready to train again.Â
You start by running a couple laps, warming your muscles up. You feel the calm wash over you, and youâre thankful for it, but youâre also thankful for the years of isolation after the Red Room where Sam taught you that you didnât need to work out every day to be valid or healthy.Â
After your warm up, you move some of the equipment into a homemade obstacle course. Obi-Wan smiles at this, watching you heave things twice your size around. You run through it, feeling more yourself than you have in weeks, and by the time youâre done, youâre sweating, panting, and Obi-Wan is done too, smiling in the corner.Â
âI think thatâs enough excitement for one day.â He says, helping you move everything back to their original spots. But if only the two of you knew how much excitement was being cooked up.Â
âWeâre sending them on a date.â He says in awe, and she nods.Â
âObi-Wan and Y/N are about to go on a date.âÂ
âI need your help.â Itâs a rare night when Anakin is staying in his room, and of course heâs come to you for guidance. You narrow your brows, skeptical, because why would a Jedi need your help?
âWith?â You prompt, enjoying your tea and the holobook Obi-Wan had downloaded for you. Itâs not quite the same as the books in your own galaxy, but youâre enjoying it nonetheless.Â
âObi-Wan canât know.â He says, and you snap your gaze to him, now extremely skeptical.Â
âWhat exactly do you need my help with that canât involve Obi-Wan?â You ask, setting your book down and turning your full attention to the man. He looks away from you, which is interesting to say the least, but he seems very nervous.Â
âOh, it involves Obi-Wan.â He confirms, which only makes you more suspicious. You sip your tea as you patiently wait for him to explain what exactly heâs trying to ask you. âI need you to distract him.âÂ
The room is quiet.Â
âExcuse me?â You finally ask, and Anakinâs eyes widen.Â
âWhy do I have to lie to Obi-Wan?â You ask, because thatâs honestly going to be the worst part of the plan for you. Anakin frowns, like he wasnât expecting this.Â
âReally?â Anakin looks like he didnât expect you to agree immediately, and you smile a little bit.Â
âYes.â You say, picking up your book again. âBut donât expect this to be a constant thing. I donât like lying.â You look to turn your attention away from him, sipping your tea.Â
âDidnât you say you were a spy?â Anakin points out, and you shoot a glare at him.
âWhy do you need my help when you seem to be doing just fine? Itâs not like I ever see you at night.â You say, and Anakinâs eyes widen.Â
âThis is different. Itâs a day trip off planet.â Anakin explains, and you pause for a minute.Â
âYouâre going to another planet?â You question, because you knew space travel was widely used in this galaxy, but you didnât know it was so common to just hop over to another planet.
âYes. Itâs very close. Where did you think we were going?â Anakin asks, and you sigh.Â
âI donât know.â You admit, head reeling with the information that itâs just that easy to get up and leave. âA restaurant?â You guess, and Anakin chuckles.
âWe wouldnât need your help for that.â He turns to go to his room, presumably to get more clothes and then leave again.Â
âWell, why donât I just let a certain Jedi Master know what the plan is for tomorrow, then.â You tease, pretending to be unbothered when Anakin turns sharply.Â
âY/N,â
âIâm kidding.â You smile, but Anakin is serious.Â
âNo one can know about us. This isnât a fun game, this is our lives at risk.â He looks almost scared, and you put everything down to stand.Â
âGood.â And then he's out, and you wonder what youâve gotten yourself into.
âHello,â You greet when Obi-Wan opens his door, and you wonder what the hell youâve gotten yourself into. You have no plan, even though you spent the whole Senate meeting this morning thinking about it. It had been your first Senate meeting alone, but you had to keep up appearances if you were to actually run for Senate.Â
âHello,â Obi-Wan seems a bit confused that youâre at his door, as usually heâs the one to greet you. âTo what do I owe the pleasure?â
âI would like your company tonight.â You tell him, deciding on just inviting yourself over to his apartment and maybe having a couple drinks. You have no idea what the people in this galaxy did for fun, since youâd only been here during a time of war.Â
âYou would?â He asks, and you almost laugh before he raises his eyebrows. âI would love to have your company, but I am to attend a play.â He informs you, and you almost sag in disappointment.Â
âOh,â You say, not sure what to do now. Anakin needed Obi-Wan distracted, and if he was attending a play he would definitely be distracted. âAlright.â Youâre about to leave when Obi-Wan grabs your arm.Â
âYou can join, if you would like.â He offers, and you pause. You would like to, even if technically you donât need to. âThe younglings are putting on a play tonight about the Jedi Order and the inner workings as part of their studies, and I promised I would be present. It would be a good opportunity for you to learn.â He smiles, and you already know that youâre going to be there.
âAre all the Jedi going to be there?â You ask, wondering how Anakin got out of it or if this was his plan all along.Â
âNot all of them, but a lot of them.â He tells you as you round the corner, seeing a large group of people wearing mostly all the same robes. You feel a bit out of place, even though there are a few of the attendees wearing normal clothing like you are.Â
The room youâve walked into is set up into an informal theater, with circular cushions acting as seats for many rows and a raised platform that you assume is the stage.Â
âMaster Kenobi,â Someone says, and you drop Obi-Wanâs arm as the two of you turn to see a green Jedi with tentacles coming out of his head. His eyes were large and pupil-less, and he was smiling at the two of you.
âMaster Fisto,â Obi-Wan greets, and you see some warmth of familiarity in his eyes.
âCome to see the younglings play?â Master Fisto asks, looking briefly at you before looking back at Obi-Wan. âIt doesnât seem so long ago when you were on that stage, huh, Kenobi?â When you look over at Obi-Wan, his cheeks are bright red.Â
âYouâre not that much older than me.â Obi-Wan rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. âEven if it took you longer to make it through the Trials.â Master Fisto laughs, and you canât help the smile that lifts the corners of your mouth.Â
âAnd who have you brought with you?â Master Fisto asks, turning his attention to you. You put your hand out for him to shake, hoping your smile is diplomatic.
âI am Y/N, from Naboo. I am here running for Senate.â You tell the Jedi Knight, who looks impressed.Â
âWell, best of luck to you.â Master Fisto says, and everyone has begun to find their seats. You follow Obi-Wan over to the cushions, sitting in the third row. The lights begin to dim, and children that youâd guess are ages five to eight come out, wearing costumes that seem too big.Â
You watched in delight as the children went through the motions of the Jedi order, explaining how midi-chlorians are tested for, how they would find Kyber crystals to build their own lightsabers to pass The Gathering.Â
For some of the play, however, you felt some of your past creep up. The trails these children would have to go through - not just the Jedi Trials after their training, but the Padawan Trials, which tested them to see how Force sensitive they really were. You knew that they werenât being punished the way you were - they were putting on a play, which the Red Room would never allow you to do, but it still brought up uncomfortable memories that made your heart pound.Â
âIâm going to go to the bathroom.â You whisper to Obi-Wan, not bothering to ask where it was. You sneak out of the room before he can answer, practically running as you hear the younglings talk about the evil Sith. You duck around a hall and out of earshot before you lean again the wall, breathing as deeply as you can to stave off the panic attack you know is building.
âAre you alright?â You almost scream as you jump, Obi-Wan standing next to you. He must have followed you, and youâre not sure yet if youâre grateful or angry about this.Â
âYes.â You breathe, hoping you donât look like you were just freaking out over a childrenâs play. Obi-Wan scans you, and you wonder if he can somehow hear his heartbeat with his Jedi powers.
âYou donât seem okay.â He says simply, and you almost slap him.Â
âI am.â You nod, but your heart wonât stop pounding, thinking about all the trials and tests you were put through.Â
âYou ran out of the play pretty fast.â He mentions, and you shake your head, as if this is somehow a lie, like he hadnât literally seen this.Â
âJust needed some air.â You ignore the fact that you had originally told him you were going to the bathroom. Youâre usually a much better liar than this. âIt was hot in there.â You canât look at Obi-Wan, because he is looking straight at you. Straight through you.
âThe Jedi are not like Black Widows. There is no coercion for them to fight for the greater good, for peace. We do it because that is what is right.â He tells you, and you snap your eyes to him.Â
âNo, you just take babies that are too young to know anything different.â His eyes almost harden, but then he takes a step back, tilting his chin.Â
âThey are Force sensitive. They will be hunted, or can use their powers for evil if we do not train them.â You scoff, pushing off the wall.
âForce sensitive, genetically gifted, it sounds the same to me.â You canât help the comparisons your brain is making, and Obi-Wan frowns.Â
âThe Jedi can leave at any time. You know that itâs different, you saw the play.â He doesnât know everything about the Red Room, and you wonder if you should tell him. You wonder how good it would feel to finally let someone know all your baggage. Because even though he doesnât know everything, he does understand the difference, and he is pragmatic.Â
âWe had trials in the Red Room.â You whisper, as if there is anyone around to hear it. But this is something you didnât ever talk about; not with Natasha, not with Bucky. The two people who would understand most, but you could never bring yourself to relive the horrific things you were forced to do. Maybe because you convinced yourself they had it worse, or you would break them more. Or maybe you know that Obi-Wan is different. âBut they werenât like the Jedi Trials.â You look at Obi-Wan, expecting him to be looking back at the theater room, wanting to go back, but heâs staring at you, as if heâs drinking every word youâre saying.Â
âYou donât have to tell me.â He says, and you nod. âBut I will not judge you for what you were forced to do. For what you did in your past.â It almost feels like an actual weight has been lifted from your chest, and you almost have to look away from him. He takes a step forward, leaving breathing room between you but still being so close to you that your heart skips a beat.
âWe were taught to kill.â You say simply, because the thought of you leading an assassin to your best friend, or the first time you had to look a man in the face as you shot him, you want to throw up. âI was too young, and it was brutal.â You shake your head, and Obi-Wan puts a hand on your shoulder, causing you to pause.
âThe Jedi are not taught to kill.â He reassures you, causing you to look up at him. âWe are negotiators primarily.â Itâs not that you donât believe him, but heâs grown up with these ideals. He doesnât remember anything but the Jedi Order.Â
âObi-Wan,â He seems so close to you, and you look from his lips to his eyes.Â
He is a Jedi. He doesnât know anything but the Jedi, and their attachmentless rules. You move away from the wall, looking at the ground. You can hear faint clapping, and you know the play is over.Â
âWe should go, before your colleagues think something else is happening.â You turn away and walk toward the theater, not sure how you feel about opening up to Obi-Wan that easily.Â
Not sure about how you feel about the Jedi Order.Â
If you werenât having a panic attack, you would have noticed the way Chancellor Palpatine followed you out as well, how he was able to blend into the shadows. Youâre normally very good at knowing when youâre being watched, but you were having a moment here.
Your moment gave Palpatine everything he needed to know, however. With you running for Senate, he had been keeping close tabs anyway for a possible ally. It wasnât looking very promising, given your friendship with Senator Amidala, but he was certain he could find a way to persuade you, if you were the right fit for his Senate. And given what heâs just heard, he thinks you very well may be. He can be very persuasive, and the fact that you are already unsure of the Jedi makes it perfect for his next plan of action.
He doesnât know much about your past, about the âBlack Widowsâ Obi-Wan had mentioned or the âRed Roomâ you had brought up, but heâs confident itâs enough that he can get you to see his side of the argument. And if not, heâll be looking for some insurance anyway.
âSheâs officially MIA.â Steve says into his fist. He hasnât slept in a couple days, and he thinks Tony hasnât either. Most of the team sticks to their own rooms, but Tony and Steve had stuck to the meeting room, trying to figure out where you could have gone. Steve tries to check on Wanda, but itâs clear that she doesnât want to be bothered. Sheâs working hard with the sorcerers on decoding the spell. And Bucky is a lost cause at this point, unless they can get you back. Steve learned pretty quickly how pointless it was to check on his friend if there were no updates. Bucky sticks to his own room, which is nothing more than a sterile empty room that had been waiting for the other half of the team to come back, and cross-searches everything that Tony does, just in case. He regularly checks in with Wakanda, even if itâs a lost cause. And he doesnât sleep or eat - this Steve knows for a fact.
âI donât understand.â Tony mutters, tapping at his tablet angrily. âI have facial recognition set up to tell me if someone with even a seventy-five percent match crosses one of the thousands of cameras I have access to. Iâm fielding these things like mosquitoes in the South and none of them are her.â Neither of them are saying what they want to be saying, which is that if they canât find you, then youâre dead. And they donât even have a body.Â
âWong is here.â Bucky rushes out as he comes into the room, trying not to be too fast but Steve can tell heâs jittering with some kind of energy. Steve and Tony share a look and then theyâre up, the three of them racing out of the room and down the hall to the common room, where sure enough all the Avengers left are gathered around Wong.Â
âSo sheâs not dead?â Natasha asks, and while theyâve missed some conversation, the two of them know exactly what everyone is talking about.Â
âNot that we know of.â Wong shakes his head, hand scratching over his face as he seems to think. âShe was hit by a spell that sent her somewhere far, far away.âÂ
âHow far?â Steve speaks up, arms crossed.Â
âThat, I do not know.â Wong admits, and thereâs a small uprising on the team.Â
âI can replicate it and send myself there.â Wanda offers, but Wong shakes his head.
âThatâs not the way the spell works.â He takes a deep breath before laying all his cards out on the table. âFrom the research Iâve done, this is a Shakespearean spell.âÂ
âWhat the hell does that mean?â Tony asks, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. He wants to just yell at the man to say it point blank, but he knows this will achieve nothing, so he reigns in his temper.Â
âThe tragedy of Shakespeare lovers was that they were never supposed to end up together. Sheâs been sent to a place where she will meet the person she is destined to love, the person who is destined to love her back. A perfect match. However, when they tell each other this, sheâll be transported back here.â
Bucky feels like heâs been punched in the gut, standing silent in the corner of the room. Did you even really love him? Why do the spell if you didnât love him anyway?
He knows that you werenât the most functional couple, but you also werenât at your full potential. He thought you two could get there, but how can he believe the is when you were sent somewhere to fall in love with someone else? Someone who was more perfect for you than him, the most perfect person for you in all of existence. And it isnât him.
âSo we just have to wait until she comes back, right? If theyâre destined to be lovers, they will tell each other eventually.â Thor speaks up, and Wong can only dip his head, frowning.Â
âYou donât understand,â He starts, trying to keep his voice from shaking. This is heavy stuff, and he doesnât like telling them about it when everyone has already lost so much. âThis place sheâs at, itâs too far for us to get to on our own. She may not even be in the same universe anymore.â He reveals, and a couple of sharp intakes of breath sound.Â
âWhatâs your point?â Rhodey asks, tilting his head. âWe donât need to go get her, you said sheâd come back on her own.âÂ
âSheâll come back once sheâs truly fallen in love with them,â Wong feels his heart start to race, something that doesnât usually happen, and he closes his eyes as he tries to right his mind. Something like this happening so close to the end of the world is really doing a number on them. On all of them.
âAnd sheâll never be able to see them again.â Bucky finishes from the back of the room, causing everyoneâs heads to turn.Â
âWhat?â Thor asks softly, breaking the silence.Â
âWhen she comes back, ripped from her lover, sheâs never going to see them again.â Natasha says as she nods, finally figuring it out. âShe wonât get to say goodbye. This is going to hurt her.â
âNo,â Wong finally opens his eyes, looking at the rest of the group. âThis is going to break her.â
Wanda throws up into the sink.
tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187Â Â @one-sweet-gubler @theoraekenslover @mcueveryday @shaquille-osteal
The Avengers are reeling from the loss of half their universe after Thanos came to Earth and took the Infinity Stones. Trying to make an impossible situation a little more bearable, Wanda finds a spell that will bring your true love to you. Earth is already in shambles and morale is low, so things canât possibly get worse when you volunteer yourself for an experimental spell that could bring your boyfriend, Bucky, back.Â
Except the spell doesnât work as intended. Instead, youâre transported to a galaxy far, far away, with no way back to Earth.Â
Chapter 1: A String That Pulled You to Me
Chapter 2: It Only Feels This Raw Right Now
Chapter 3: Ocean Blue Eyes, Lookin' in Mine
Chapter 4: Taste the Poison from Your Lips - 11.22.25
Chapter 5: Stronger Than the Drinks in the Bar - 11.25.25
Chapter 6: Jumpin' Off the Deep End (It's More Fun to Swim) - 11.29.25
Chapter 7: It Feels Like the End of a Movie I've Seen Before - 12.2.25
Chapter 8: I Had No Choice In the Matter (Why Would I?) - 12.6.25
Chapter 9: Losing Him Was Blue - 12.9.25
Chapter 10: Your Eyes Look Like Coming Home - 12.13.25
Chapter 11: Canât Go Back, Iâm Haunted - 12.16.25