XomniSpec

A Secret Santa gift for @xomnispec! Pinch hitting for the @op-secret-santa event, I hope you enjoy!!

Law would like to say that he was a very patient man. Very, very patient, accommodating, and maybe even kind. One had to be, to survive with the absolute loons he called his neighbors. There was one thing, however, one singular, little thing that Law had absolutely no patience for. One thing where he would sooner drown horribly and painfully instead of accommodate. Someone he was tempted to eviscerate and chop into a million teeny tiny little bits rather than force a polite smile on his face. Roronoa Zoro. That was the name of the man Law wanted to throw into a paper shredder. The name of the man he never, ever wanted to see again. Unfortunately, things didn’t just work out that way.

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No archive warnings apply Relationships: Law/Zoro Characters: Trafalgar D. Water Law, Roronoa Zoro Word Count: 1,809

There is a show called Arrested Development. There is one specific scene where a character finds a bag in the fridge. The bag is labeled “DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!” The character looks inside the bag. It is a dead dove. The character looks up and says, “I don’t know what I expected.”

The bag warned specifically what was inside it. The character looked anyway and found what the bag warned about. It was not the bag’s fault he looked, nor the fault of the person who labeled the bag, because, hey, they warned anyone who looked at it there is a dead dove in this bag. It is entirely the fault of the character who looked, and he admits that by saying he didn’t know what he expected other than what he was warned for.

This warning phrase has become a tag for authors, mostly because people are looking at the warnings, reading the fic, and then complaining about things they were warned about beforehand. It is the authors saying, “You read the tags and looked anyway. That is on you, not on me, because I warned you. You made the choice to open the fic and read it. You made the choice to open the bag.”

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of these childhood protective things, we were smart enough not to do stupid shit on our own!” Except your little neighbour, who got the funniest idea at the age of seven, and got his skull pierced when he slipped?

“Back in my day nobody got divorced, we stuck together and fixed our problems!” What about your cousin, who was slowly killed by her husband because she had nowhere to escape him?

“Back in my day nobody had ‘mental problems’, we didn’t whine, we just toughed it out and endured life!” Hey remember that guy you used to work with, who seemed really friendly and normal, and then suddenly hanged himself ‘for no reason’?

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of this ‘gay’ or ‘transgender’ thing.” You did, but your family cut all ties with her before you were born.

for the love of all that’s holy, all i want to do is give ryuji a little smooch and the game keeps sabotaging me

pipipopopo

(click for better quality)