What happened with the girl who confessed her love for me a month ago, you might ask?
She’s avoidant to a degree I’ve experienced many times. I used to not believe in that attachment stuff, I was like “have you ever heard of she’s just not that into you?” And now I believe it’s a mix of both. I do genuinely believe there are people who experience love and care as pain and fear. And I’m not someone who can fix that. That’s a job for many years of relentless EMDR.
The problem with this one is I want to stay her friend more than I’ve ever wanted to stay friends with anyone I’ve dated. But she’s addicted to my attention (this always happens). So I’m stuck processing all of the love and hope I had for her. And she wants to continue to talk every day and be enmeshed in my friend group (something I’ve never allowed in previous partners). So my friends are pissed off at her, I feel very bad for her, and the way forward is unclear.
I haven’t smashed/killed/buried the hope we all have that she’ll move on and realize I’m all she ever wanted and she should reach back out and act right and appreciate me for who I am and what we could be. That’s a very long process for me, usually a year. But my hope is stronger that I’ll meet someone who can’t believe they found me and will do anything in their power not to lose me (namely, go to therapy and address their fears and pain)
Should be noted: she cites the stress of her mother dying and the immigration process as to why we can’t be together. I’ve never been through the pressure of either of those things so I can’t say that she’s lying. What I can say is that I would much prefer to experience those things with the love and support of another person, than on my own.
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