maybe it's just because i've always been a social outcast and for the most part very comfortable with that but there's something so fascinating to me about characters whose desire for attention and approval goes so far that even if they achieve it there's nothing enviable about it because of the sheer amount they sacrificed to get to that point
the spiral into greater and greater acts of self-destruction as the need to appease that all-consuming hunger for attention grows to outweigh all other considerations including self-preservation. spilling your blood, sweat and tears on the stage for fifteen minutes of fame until you have nothing left to give; making a martyr of yourself for the entertainment of the court of public opinion. the inevitable implosion if despite all your efforts and sacrifices you fail anyway. the inevitable helpless, horrified despair that sets in if you do succeed and have time to come to realize how hollow everything you've bought actually is, how utterly alone you are, surrounded on all sides by something that cannot love you back.
