Iâd divorce him too lmao
Itâs never JUST about the tomatoes.
Basically!
Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls âbids.â For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, âLook at that beautiful bird outside!â Heâs not just commenting on the bird here: Heâs requesting a response from his wifeâa sign of interest or supportâhoping theyâll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either âturning towardâ or âturning awayâ from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.
These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow-up had âturn-toward bidsâ 33 percent of the time. Only three in 10 of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had âturn-toward bidsâ 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of 10, they were meeting their partnerâs emotional needs.
Those who showed genuine interest in their partnerâs joys were more likely to be together.
