#1 xiaojun fan

Then he notices that his bed is made up with clean sheets. Confused out of his mind, he slowly gets up with a cacophony of groans. In the back of mind, a small voice tells him to grab some sort of weapon. Reaching blindly across the dresser, he picks up the first sturdy thing his fingers can grab onto. Not bothering to even look at the object, he raises it above his head and rounds the corner to the living room area. The second he sees your figure, he loses his grip on his beer opener, jaw slack.

~

You hear the boy before you see him. A combination of his jumbled thoughts and the sound of stumbling about. You don’t turn around – too enamored by the vision of the sea right outside the window – but you hear something metallic hit the cheap vinyl floor. “Glad to know my powers still work on earth.”

After a noticeable period of silence, you turn towards Hendery with a smirk on your face. He’s standing there, eyes wide with the cogs of his mind spinning faster than they have in months. What the fuck what the fuck she’s real she’s real what the fuck is she really a goddess what in the hell am I still high or drunk still or-

You silence his thoughts by holding up a hand. That’s when you see what he dropped to the floor, moving your hand to gesture towards the shiny object. “Was that what you picked up to defend yourself against me?” You hold back a scoff as you walk forward to pick it up. You don’t appreciate how his eyes follow down as you bend over, his thoughts insanely pornographic. “What even is this?” You scrutinize the metal device to glance back at Hendery, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s- you-” He straightens his shoulders and clears his throat. “What, in the fuck, is going on?” he pointedly claps his hands towards you. His face is the most serious you’ve seen so far. Granted, you’ve only been around the guy for about two hours, excluding when he passed out.

“I asked first, little boy. You had it raised above your head, obviously some sort of defense. What, did you think I was an attacker and this is your weapon?” Hendery’s thoughts latched onto that phrase – little boy. But you can’t quite figure out why, not that you care either. You're more perplexed by his oblivion to the fact that you weren’t looking at him when he came in. Isn’t he curious how you know that the object was raised?

“It’s a beer opener that looks like a surfboard. Now you answer my question – what is going on?”

You rack your brain, trying to remember what surfboards are used for. You walk back to the window and look out, seeing small figures in the distance. “Is that what those people are doing? Surfboarding?”

The boy walks over to stand next to you by the window, brushing your shoulders. You instinctively move over a bit, not sure if it’s to give him room or out of discomfort. He smiles softly, eyes glazing over as if remembering something. “Yeah, surfing,” but the spell is broken as he turns to face you. “So, you're real?”

You figure that it’s time to answer Hendery’s questions. You walk over to the couch and sit, the boy following behind you. “Yesterday, while you were under the influence, you called my number by mistake. Recall, though, that it’s not possible to access the Goddess Hotline by mistake. So, though you were catfished,” you mentally give yourself a pat on the back for remembering the correct term, “the All Mighty One – or the universe to you – saw it fit for you to be given the number of the Goddess Hotline.” You pause for a moment to let your words sink in. Hendery’s thoughts are still full of the nonstop oh my god she’s real nonsense, albeit a bit muted while he considers your words. “After conversing for a bit, you made the wish for me to stay by your side until I fall in love with you,” you decide to leave out the sex part, hoping that he had forgotten about it.

Unfortunately, his thoughts indicate that he hadn’t forgotten. But he doesn’t vocalize this. “Then I just what, passed out from pure shock?”

You’ve tried to lie before, countless times. But something in the All Mighty One’s plan for the world is to forbid goddesses from lying. So, you force the truth out of your mouth, words feeling acidic on your tongue. “Actually, I lost my temper and cursed you to fall asleep for exactly 12 hours. I moved you to your bed, tidied up the place, and went to the store for some new clothes.”

This seems to pull Hendery fully out of his stupor. Any lingering feelings of drowsiness and confusion flee away as fast as a dog running after its favorite ball. His whole demeanor changes, eyes narrowing. “Where did you get those clothes?”

You make a pointed effort to not shrink at the icy tone or the pointed stare. “The shop across the street. I wasn’t able to go further away, due to the specifics of your wish,” you look down at your new attire. In keeping up with earth’s culture, you had developed a particular love for the outfits featured in Sex and the City. You had never seen the show, but you imagine that the characters would appreciate the low-waisted, dark gray cargo pants paired with a forest green tube top and matching jewelry. “Ah!” You remember receiving something from the woman in the store. You reach into the front left pocket of your new pants and pull out a neatly folded slip of paper.

“Well, you do look good. Like, you were an 7 but now you're an 8.5.” he says as you hand over the receipt, seemingly ignoring the way you roll your eyes. He quickly unfolds the slip with deft fingers, eyes narrowing as he skims the paper. Without looking up, he asks, “I guess you used your magic to pay for this?” But before you get the chance to answer his question, his eyes grow to the size of saucers. “Why does the card number match my debit card?” He does look up at this. His thoughts are full of disbelief and anger and are so hot you once again have to ground yourself to not physically flinch.

“Though I’ve only used my powers a couple of times on earth, I get drained after using them – even if the spell is a small one. I did not have enough energy to deceive the poor worker into letting me walk away. I also believe that you should have thought more about the outcome of your wish – considered more of the long-term consequences for wishing me to stay by your side.” You hope it does not sound snarky or self-righteous, but you’re not about to show weakness in front of the immature boy.

And, to his credit, he just lies back on the beaten couch, looks at the ceiling, and whispers “What the fuck did I get myself into?” Then, with a sigh through puffed cheeks, he straightens back up and turns to you. “Okay. Sure. I have some questions.”

“I would expect as much. Ask away.”

 It’s a fast rally between the two of you, questions getting answered without hesitation.

He begins. “Just to be clear, you don’t have money?”

“No, that’s why I took your wallet.”

“How much do you know about the world – society?”

You shrug, “I suppose I know the basics.”

“How the hell am I supposed to explain this to people?”

“Maybe you should have considered that before asking your wish.”

“Do you have any skills?”

“Well, I have some magic. I’m a level one goddess.”

Hendery pauses at that answer. “What does level one mean?”

You tilt your head up at this, smiling with pride. “It’s the highest level you can be. Not only do I have the ability, but I have the jurisdiction to cast pretty much any spell.”

“Do you have any skills that a human would have? Cause I have a job and, if we have to stick together, it’s easiest to just get you a job with me.”

You ponder for a second, putting your pointer finger to the corner of your mouth and staring at the ceiling. “I am very charming and pretty. In the past, humans tend to go along with whatever I ask.”

The cloud of confusion taking up space in Hendery’s mind seems to be a permanent fixture. Every sort of external stimulus raises questions and intrigue in his thoughts. You might have thought the curiosity was charming, if not for the equally present loser virgin masturbatory thoughts. “Wait, what do you mean in the past? How old are you? How many wishes have you granted? What’s your job job? How old are you?”

You wish you had the ability to raise a single eyebrow, but you can’t, so you raise both. “I thought it was considered rude on earth to ask a woman their age.”

Hendery scoffs, “You’re hardly a wo-” he stops himself from finishing the thought, but you already know what he was going to say. He closes his eyes and cringes.

“If I’m not a woman, then what am I?”

“A goddess, I suppose,” he replies guilty. He cards his fingers though his raven hair and stands up. “Before anything else happens, I gotta eat something.” He sighs, looking towards you as he walks away. “Are you hungry? Wait, what do you even eat?”

You smile. “Fortunately for your wallet, I do not require food.”

“Well, thank god for tiny miracles.” He stops walking. “Or, I guess, I should say thank goddess.”

As childish as the joke is, you can’t stop the small laugh from escaping you. You can feel his thoughts flutter at the small validation, and you decide to answer his most pressing question. “My age cannot easily be translated into human years. However, a rough estimate would be around 127.” You hear a choking sound from the kitchen. “I’m quite young actually.”

⋆.˚ 𓇼°°‧ 𓆝 𓆟𓆞 ·｡

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a/n: and perhaps, what are your thoughts on what the story will be? how do you like it so far? i hope yall enjoyed!

You push off him in disgust. “Ugh my head is killing me.” Closing your eyes, you rub your head with the tip of your wand in your left hand, just an old habit that mentally relaxes you.

Hendery is quick to stand up beside you, whistling a low note. “So, wait. What the fuck was that?”

You pause your self-soothing and look at him defeated. “Yes, that has never happened. I can only assume it’s because you made a wish about me. Usually, people ask for money or power.” And suddenly you sense a shift in Hendery’s thoughts. He’s staring at you.

“What?” You ask, hoping he’ll knock it off.

“You changed.”

You look down, confusedly. You don’t feel or look any different.

“Pardon me?”

Hendery’s eyes go wide and he gestures open palms to you. “You! You used to be all sparkly and shit. I mean, your clothes are still wack, but you even had a wand!” You jerkily bring your hand to your face to see that, indeed, you now seem to be holding just an ordinary pen. And what in the universe happened to your shimmer?

Hendery continues, “now you just look, uhm…” He trails off and looks almost sheepish. Kun would be proud of him for watching his words.

But you’re in too much shock to think about what Hendery was trying to say. You're not paying attention to him at all, really. Previous humans have told you about the glow of shimmery air around your presence and you’ve typically paid it no mind, it’s just an ordinary thing to you. But to lose it? This has never happened before.

You snap your head towards the man. Plastering on your sweetest smile and most pleasing voice, you ask, “Hendery, would you be a dear and let me borrow your phone.”

He looks freaked out by your change of demeanor but holds it out anyway. “What do you need it for?”

“I need to make a call.”

“Who the hell are you calling?”

“You’ll find out eventually,” you murmur.

Hendery sees you punch in the numbers and hold the device up to your ear. He overhears the dial tone, then someone on the other line. It’s strange, though, because it sounds exactly like the way phone calls sound in cartoons – the rapid chipmunk voice faintly making its way to his ear.

And it’s obvious to Hendery that you are frustrated. You keep sighing and making faces like you’re about to start speaking, but you’re constantly getting interrupted by this tinny voice reminiscent of Alvin and the Chipmunks. After one more defeated sigh, Hendery sees you hang up.

“So?” He asks, his thoughts full of anticipation.

“Well, the contract went through,” you grumble. “But there are some…” You fight against the urge to lift your wand pen to your head and self-soothe. “Stipulations, I suppose.”

Hendery’s eyes narrow. “And that means…?” He waves a hand, asking you to continue.

And even though it's no longer your wand – just a simple pen – you decide to give in to the urge, lifting the device to your scalp. With your right hand free, you gesture your full hand in Hendery’s direction. “You said that you wish,” you then gesture to yourself by placing the hand on your chest, “for me to remain ‘by your side’ until I fall in love with you.” Your arm falls defeatedly for what feels like the thousandth time. “Due to the wording of your wish, I am to always stay within 100 meters of you. This is not ideal, but since I have a responsibility to uphold, I will do as you wish.”

A smile breaks across the man’s face, this one more snarky than charming. “Well, that’s perfect for me. The more you're near me, the shorter it will take for you to fall irresistibly in love with me.” Although he doesn’t say it aloud, you can tell he was thinking about why he wants you to fall in love with him – the supposed infinite sex. Luckily, his thoughts quickly shift to being more innocent. “Wait. So, why’d you lose your sparkle and wand thingy?” He repeats his earlier gesture of rubbing his chin, trying – and failing – to appear in deep thought.

With a weary smile, you close your eyes and take a deep breath. “The All Mighty One seems to think it will be easier for me to embrace the world of humans if I am to fulfill your wish.” There's a few moments of silence, something you have not experienced since Hendery called the Goddess Hotline. Even his thoughts are quiet. You slowly and carefully open your eyes.

You see the man sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table. His eyes are locked on his phone in front of him. Realizing that this is just how it’s going to be now, you decide to investigate the lines of sunlight peeking through the window covering. You stare at the covering for a moment before asking, “Excuse me, could you assist me with this?”

Hendery just ignores you. You see his finger idly sliding up as he breathes sharply with his nose, a shit-eating grin on his face. What is he laughing at? You feel anger well up from deep within you, already irritable from the whole situation.

“Hey, help me look out the window.” His eyes are still unwavering from his phone.

And for some reason, that’s the final straw. It wasn’t the misogynistic thoughts or the lack of intelligence Hendery seemingly possesses. It’s this. Getting ignored. Without thinking, you feel the anger bubble to the surface as you recite the incantation. You don’t even mean to do it. It’s just something about the audacity of this man – no, boy – that has you saying the words.

“By moon’s soft glow and earth’s embrace,

Let slumber weave its silver lace.

Twelve hours deep, no dream nor sound,

In peaceful rest, your peace be found.”

Hendery’s eyes roll back as his head tips to the side, falling asleep.

⋆.˚ 𓇼°°‧ 𓆝 𓆟𓆞 ·｡

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a/n: hello! sorry for the delay! as i said in an earlier post, i literally just moved across the us (for a man....). obviously i still have a routine to figure out but hopefully there will be no more delays etc. nonetheless, i hope you enjoy!

“Hello, you’ve reached the Goddess Hotline. How may I serve you today?” A peppy, sickeningly sweet voice asks.

For a heartbeat, Hendery is too stunned to do anything. Too confused and taken aback. That is, until, he figures it’s some sort of joke.

“Y’know, you’re quite cocky to refer to yourself as a Goddess, Bella. Luckily, I agree that you’re one. A Goddess, that is,” Hendery is choosing to ignore the blaring sirens in his brain that call him cringe.

There’s a pause on the other line, and Hendery hears some shuffling sounds. “Sir. I really am a Goddess, and my name is not Bella,” this voice is definitely coming from the same person, but the tone is drastically different. Earlier, the voice sounded like it came from one of those talking dolls. Now, it sounds indifferent, not as rehearsed.

Hendery stands up from the couch and clears his throat. “This isn’t Bella? I guess she sent me the wrong number…” His voice grows quiet and trails off at the end.

“Sir, I am not sure what you mean. This is a secure phone number that is never called by mistake. The All Mighty One forbids it. Now, how can I serve you today?” the sweet, doll-like voice returns in the last sentence.

“What- no- I don-” then realization hits Hendery like a ton of bricks. “Oh,” the vowel lazily extended. “I put that I like pranks on my profile. I can’t lie, you really got me Bella.” A breathy laugh escapes from his mouth as he mentally admonishes himself for being so clueless.

The voice – the unrehearsed one – returns again. “Hold on sir, I’ll be there in just a moment. If you could place your phone face up on the ground, that would be greatly appreciated.” Hendery hears the other line hang up and looks down at his phone in utter confusion.

Suddenly, his phone emits a bright white light, almost as if he were staring straight into the headlights of those obnoxious trucks on the highway. Hendery’s phone plummets to the ground from his hand as he drops to his knees and shields his eyes. Wind blows through his hair – did he leave his window open? – and the sound of violent waves crashing on the beach reach his ears. And in an instant, it’s all gone. Everything stops. Hendery cautiously moves his arms away from his head at the exact moment he hears a voice. The voice. The one on the phone.

You rub your forehead with your free hand, a small wand in the other. “Fuck! I thought I told you to leave your phone face up?” Your voice is startingly loud in the small apartment, and you clear your throat in some sort of half-assed apology.

Crouching in front of you is presumably Hendery, the guy who called the Goddess Hotline. You can’t help but find him adorable, all stunned and cowering in your glory. Hendery looks back and forth between you and a package on the table.

“… what the fuck was in that gummy?” Hendery murmurs to himself.

“Oh, cute and dumb. Well, let's get this over with.” Crossing your arms, you look around the room. It’s not often that you come to earth. Hell, you can’t even remember the last time you left your tiny cubicle in the Heavenly Office. Unsurprisingly, there’s not much going on in this shoebox of a studio apartment. Leaving the man on the ground, you step around him in hopes of finding something interesting. The blinds are drawn, but you notice thin lines of light peeking through. You know enough about human life to understand what a window is, but standing in front of the thing, you have absolutely no idea how it operates. After studying it for a moment, you shrug and turn around. “How do I see outside? It’s been so long since I’ve been on earth.” After getting no response for a moment, you kneel down and wave a hand in front of the man, trying to break him out of his stupor.

Finally, he blinks rapidly and jolts up. “I heard that!” Hendery’s index finger is pointed directly at you on the ground.

You don’t move, hoping he’ll realize his mistake and offer you a hand up. “Pardon me?”

“I heard what you said! You called me dumb!” He, apparently, does not realize his mistake. Instead, you raise yourself up and roll your eyes.

“Yeah, you were supposed to hear that,” crossing your arms, you smirk. “Since you called the hotline, you must be needing some sort of emergency help. As I said earlier, the All Mighty One – or I suppose you know Them better as the universe – forbids this number from ever being called. Unless, of course, it’s part of Their plan.” You start to nonchalantly play with your finger nails, an old habit you’ve tried to drop many times. “Now, I can grant you one wish, but only one. So choose wisely.”

“Riiiiight, So if I wished for Bella right now, you could actually, like, make her appear? Like magic?”

It’s clear to you that Hendery still thinks this is some sort of bizarre weed-induced hallucination. “Excuse me?”

Hendery continues, “Well, I called Bella’s phone number, but you showed up instead. She obviously gave me the wrong number. So if I actually get a wish, I could wish for her to be here.” His jaw went slack as he rolls his eyes, head nodding as he raises his hands to his sides as if to say ‘duh?’.

It dawns on you what is happening. “Oh, I see. You were.. whats the word again? Cat-punked? Like, false profile and fake girl?” You struggle to find the slang that you’ve seen while studying human culture.

Luckily, Hendery knows exactly what word you are searching for. "No, I wasn’t catfished like you are suggesting.” He decides to copy your stance – crossed arms, smirk, and all.

You mentally chide yourself for forgetting the word. “Yes, right, well. You were obviously catfished. Perhaps someone,” you hold up two fingers from each hand, “’gave you the wrong number,’” fingers bouncing to signal air quotes. “But even then, it was the universe that made the person send you the exact number you called. Like, the Goddess Hotline is literally unreachable unless the All Mighty One wills it to happen.”

He once again stands there, staring at the package on the table. “This must be a new strain or something…” he trails off and rubs his chin thoughtfully.

At this point, you're annoyed. While you appreciate the chance to escape the corporate hell that is your Heavenly Office, this man is getting on your nerves. You sigh, “look, are you going to make a wish or not?”

Hendery’s head perks up at this. “You said I can wish for anything?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” You can practically hear the cogs spinning in his head. They must be rusty and covered in cobwebs. Or perhaps you're out of touch, as it takes a bit of effort to hear his thoughts.

Hendery rubs his chin again, it would be so fucking lit to have a smoking hot bitch to fuck right now – I wonder what Bella is up to…

“Hendery, she’s not real. You were catfished. Now make a wish,” you huff out.

Hendery’s eyes go wide and he stares down at his hands, turning them over in front of his face. They aren’t red or green or any different than they were a few minutes ago. In fact, Hendery barely felt high at all – I didn’t think I could get so high that I think I’m thinking but I’m actually speaking. I thought that only happened in movies.

You turn to your nails again. “No. I can read minds. So try to not objectify women?”

“Oh, sorry,” he says sarcastically. “I’m a 21-year-old virgin. It’s literally all I can think about.”

You're grossed out, but also weirdly intrigued. He didn’t seem to be put off by the whole mind-reading thing. In times past, you had explained it so many times that you created an unofficial script. “Literally?”

“Well. No. But yeah.” It takes one peek into Hendery’s mind to confirm that its true. Having sex is pretty much all he can think about.

“If you’re going to make a wish about a woman, please don’t be perverted or weird. While I technically can’t stop you from wishing for anything, don’t waste your wish and just ask them on a date or something.” You're starting to feel exasperated. Especially when you can tell his thoughts start to turn towards you. And, unfortunately, you can’t decide whether or not you like the attention.

Hendery’s whole body perks up as he smiles, “okay! I know. I wish that I-”

You interrupt him before he continues, “woah woah woah there big guy. You have to sign this mandatory contract first.” You tap your wand, making a pen and thick paper appear midair. They float in front of the man as if they were held aloft by invisible strings. He can’t stop himself from glancing at the ceiling to check, just in case.

Hendery’s eyes glaze over, and you tap into his thoughts. Blah blah blah the Goddess is not held accountable if the outcome is not what you want blah blah you can’t wish death upon anyone something something under no circumstances… It’s at this point that he notices your writing at the bottom of the page. Hendery reads your name from the contract and repeats it aloud, testing the way that the syllables feel in his mouth. “That’s your name?”

You’d be lying to yourself if you said it didn’t affect you. It had been decades since someone said your name aloud. And to hear it from a handsome, albeit weird, guy? Something in your abdomen tickles. But you keep your face relaxed and try to keep your voice flat. “Yeah, and?”

“Nothing, I guess.” Hendery signs his name.

“Okay, wish away.”

Hendery smiles big, “I wish for you to stay with me for as long as it takes for you to have sex with me and fall in love with me.”

Your neutral smile falters. “See, that’s actually two wishes.” You start pulling at straws. “Are you hungry? I think edibles make people hungry, right?”

The dopey smile doesn’t leave his face. “Not hungry.”

“What about a nice glass of water, isn’t your mouth dry?”

You didn’t think it was possible, but his smile grows larger as his teeth make an appearance. “I wish for you to stay by my side for as long as it takes for you to genuinely fall in love with me. Because if you’re in love with me, then we can have infinite sex!”

Your face drops. “Fuuuuu-”

And as magically as they appeared, the pen and paper vanish from the air. Hendery’s phone emits the same bright light as strong winds whip around the room, forcing you to fall forward. And, of course, you fall straight into the man who wished for you to stay and fall in love with him.

⋆.˚ 𓇼°°‧ 𓆝 𓆟𓆞 ·｡

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a/n: hello hello to my readers! this fic has been in my mind since late 2024. needless to say, im so excited to finally have it out into the world! im not sure how many chapters there will be, but i hope you enjoy every single one! taglist is open :)