Keep Believe, Keep Moving, Keep Trusting

First up: THORAKAS! - God has been real good to me for the past 7 years in my life. I’m indeed bless and I know that God have placed me in JJ Zone, in N532 for a reason and purpose. Indeed I’m truly thankful that how N532 have help me grown. It’s their love have melt my heart to open up. - As an anti-social person of me, unwilling to communicate with anyone, and not willing to share my things with anyone. But then, right now I’m like so different already. I’m no longer that anti-social person in my life, and no longer the person that unwilling to share anymore.  - God have changed my life. The life that wants to live it all for God, because God is worth it, because God first love me when I don’t even deserve and worth for it but He given His all just for my sins. God have love us unconditionally, and given His all to die on the cross for our sin. Thank you Jesus for Your unconditional love for me in my life. Despite all my imperfection, You have love me and still given me the love that I don’t feel that I’m deserve for it. Thank you Jesus, for what You have done for me in my life. Second up: Emerge Conference! - THE NEW GENERATION! - Indeed it is the new generation, the new voice and sound of the generation. I’m really proud of those who serve in the emerge conference. I’ve seen how my cellgroup member have rise up, and have you guys took up that baton and take the asia by storm. I’m really proud of each one of you, and really can’t wait to see what God has plan for you guys, and what He is going to do in everyone’s life. - God have shown up Himself into our life, and how God is moving and pouring out His unconditional love into our hearts and life. God indeed have never forsake us in our weakness, flaws, especially in times of our struggles, difficulties and troubles. Thank God for His outpouring of love, and His comfort and peace that is with us, because of God’s strength that keep us moving. Thank you Jesus! Lastly up: Salvation! - God is good! - I’m really proud of you, my friend, especially your decision! Good job! I believe there is a lot more that God has install for you in your life. I’m happy that I have lost of words. - God, I pray that You come and reveal more of Yourself into his life. Pour out Your unconditional love into his life. And I believe that he will experience You more, and he will live the life that he want You to live, and not live on a life that others want. Lord, I pray that You will touch his heart deep, and he will experience a deep love. I thank God for everyone and everything.

Many years I always thought that my life is the worst and my life is the worst in the whole world. But then, when I start to travel and start to watch online video, or even in church there is always times to times asked us if we have anything to donate and whether will we still be using it a not, if not can we donate it out to them and give the people that is in need. . . Realizing how our life is better than other people out there, and knowing that we are blessed, is really a good thing because indeed we are really bless and we are definitely bless over here. As knowing how their life is, I realize that what I can get and what I have is not what the people can get and can have it. What do we have to request more? . . Everyone of us needs love and care, but then one thing are you seeking love and care in a way of trying to get people’s attention on you each time? Last time, I was this way but as I start growing I realize that I need to change. I want to become a better person in life, a better person in my academic so I know I need to learn to grow in my maturity and not doing what will makes people dislike. . . Life become better as I grow and life gets even greater. My academic also doing great just times I met some people that is not even able to understand about you much at all and all they will want from you is to obey their ways and whatever they say are the top priority. Your life will be in a mess so need to learn to handle well enough and be firm with your own priority.

It’s have been 3 months in school and I realize what kind of classmate I’ve met and maybe there are certain classmates that is unable to click but can help each other through work. Maybe there are certain classmates that just have no topics with them but still only can help each other through classwork only. But yet definitely in class, you will find friends that can click with, can communicate with and slowly eventually will become close friends with you that go around with you whenever you want to. . . Yes, and definitely I’ve met such classmate but not one and it’s two. We are just around our age. We can somehow click, we can somehow communicate but not just only school works but share joy and what is interesting throughout the week or day. But certainly, I’ve this just one particular classmate I really appreciate most. Yes I can be stubborn and refuse to listen but she never failed to carry that sister loved into my life, concerning about me and taking good care of me. . . HX, I’ve shared with you that I’m an anti-social person, introvert person and also autistic person too, because of my complicated background and what I gone through in life experience. I tend to lock myself up and never communicate with people since Primary School unless the person talk to me first, so I truly thank God you are the one who talk to me first. But did not that actually we do and we can click actually. Having a friend like you, it’s my greatest and biggest blessing in my life. Honestly. . . Thank God for this 3 months, we are down with 1 more month. HX, whatever it is and no matter how tired it is let’s just fight through this one month together until we finish. Don’t worry about you pass or fail, try your best to focus and do well in all you can, practice more. Jiayou! 

Sometimes just like this song, wanted to ask how have you been but it is no longer a thing that I should be doing anymore. When the moment I did, I know I’m placing certain hope into you life, into your heart and definitely that is not what I want to see and is not what I want to let you have from me. In the actual fact, I did not want to leave N532. But because I felt I’m a burden therefore I want to leave church. But I know myself and character I won’t bear to leave the place of my spiritual family, therefore I choose to leave cellgroup. So when came to talk on 28 April, I purposely say things that is hurtful to them and also did not want to face the fact that God did not want me to leave, did not want to face the fact that I did not want to leave the group. Indeed, it was a hard period of moment in my life and I want to leave church, but few months later, I got into a new cellgroup. I laugh and everything but inside my heart is already died because I know I’ve disobey God’s purpose. In my life, I obey God many words. But there is three things I know I did not done wrong was: 1) From the cellgroup of E404 change into the cellgroup of N532. I know I’ve did something right. Indeed, in the cellgroup of N532, I’ve found myself grow and found myself slowly get a better understand of myself and my character after of my 19 years of living but yet not really understand of what kind of person I am and what type of person I am. They have let me grow inner and outward spiritually. I’m truly know this is a right decision that I’ve made and it’s a call from God. In the cellgroup, they support for my passion and my dreams. They taught me not to give up when I failed to do so but keep doing to improve myself even better. Thank you for developing my potential of music instrument, if not I did not know I have such talent. 2) I’ve brought one of my closest friend in my life to church and receive Christ in the same cellgroup as me, that is Jocelyn. Indeed, as we sow a seed into someone’s else, it will reap and it will grow. Thank God for such friend that You have drawn her closer to You each day and each moment of her life. Jocelyn, you are indeed one of my closest friend that I shared things with, and I know that whatever I shared with you, I know you are always here for me. Indeed, God’s calling and God’s anointing is here with me when I invite you to church once again to rededicate your life to Jesus Christ again. Indeed, I’m really proud of you and the Faith that you decided to place in God to accept Him once again. I will continue and keep praying for you and your walk with God. 3) The last thing I’m really proud to say is, I’ve never regret to be part of my campus ministry and lead such amazing campus committee. It’s really my greatest honor and my deepest desire to do so. God, Your ways are higher than my ways, Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. Indeed, it is so true. God, You have called us to obey Your Words and Your call then we shall move. We shall stand still until You speak into our hearts. Lord, this is once of my greatest honor and my greatest and deepest heart desire to lead such campus ministry with such Godly peers alongside.  These are the three things, that I know I have not done wrongly, and I definitely know that I’ve done something right and I’ve did something correctly without any wrong move and incorrectly words that I heard wrongly from You, Lord. God, continue to grow my friend, Jocelyn. Let her build a deeper relationship and a deeper friendship with You, God. You are our Abba Father in Heavenly.

All the while, I believe and have Faith in God. The meaning of life I’ve really found my talent in God, and the gift that God have placed and given to me in my life. I can never imagine I can speak and encourage my friends in their struggles of life, and I can never imagine I’ve the talent of playing music instrument. . . I always believe that God have places talents in our life, the gifts that He have given to us before we were even born. No one realize, until they ownself discover that they have. But my discover is not I’ve realize myself, but I thank God that people around me have discover this for me, and they have let me realize what’s my talents and my gifts. But they have also let me realize what’s life is all about. . . I remember I will often stare at my photo frame because there is a photo with my cousin, and I will speak to the picture. I always says “What’s my life is up to? Facing so much death of loss, facing my relatives admit hospital and out but yet there is nothing I can do. My Faith has been up and down but then I always feel myself so comfortable with my current cg but yet I feel I should not be in because I don’t want my leader to be handling two people that cannot be in good terms. When I go back join AnFaiTeeToo times to times, I felt so good and that good feelings just like when I first join them back in 2 March 2013. There isn’t any stress and any pressure in talking to them but I know they are my friends and we are the past but when I met hardship with this member, they are here to listen to me and standing in the gap together with me. When I face problem in the family, they are the one that still encourage me and keeping me strong as one piece.” Whenever I in cellgroup meeting, I want to cry but I cannot do so. But then in AnFaiTeeToo there is a difference, I can wept whenever I felt like because they knows how heavy my heart is like, and they know how much things I’ve carried with me. Sometimes, I’m asking myself when I decided to change cellgroup was it an impulsive decision? Or was it because after I brought Sammie into the cellgroup, I think that way? I’ve many thoughts running around my mind, and yet I feel that AnFaiTeeToo, my former leaders are my pillar of strength. . . Thank you leaders for once appearing in my life and standing with me. I’m really glad and I’m really happy that I’ve such leaders with me before and friends like you guys here for me. Thank you.

. . I always asked myself what’s the greatest love I could receive in my life. But did anyone knows that the greatest love I’ve found was the love of God? God’s love was eventually higher than any others love that we can have in our life. There is this song sang like this, > “Jesus loves me, this I know For the bible tells me so. Little ones who Him belong. They are weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The bible tells me so. Jesus loves me, He who died. Though I’m very weak and ill. From His shining throne on high. Comes to watch me when I lie. Jesus loves me, He will stay. Closed beside me all the way. If I love Him when I die, He will take me home on high.” < . . In the bible, God said that He loves us. The greatest love in the world, was God’s unconditional love in our lives. We can never expect much and we can never imagine much. We will never know what life story He have written for us in our life, but only when we slowly walk down the path, He will slowly review the way of our life story to us. . . God’s love is all that I need in life. I consecrate all that I need, I surrender all that is unclean flesh within me to the Lord, Jesus Christ. God, come and make me clean once again. Lord, fixed my eyes upon you, fixed my ear upon Your sweet aroma voice, fixed my heart to know You deeper. God, come and mould me even deeper in Your Presence of love. As I continue to read the book of Proverbs without fasting, God come and speak to me and direct my path. Show me revelation that was given by You and not any others unclean spirit. . . As I live each day, I said I want to be more like Christ, and less of self-flesh. Take me deeper, bring me higher. I cry out for You, hear my deepest cries for wanting more of Your Presence in my heart and in my life. Pour out your anointing oil upon me to speaks words of Yours into my friends’ heart to encourage them. God, You are worthy for all my sacrifice and I’m will to sacrifice and give what I have to give. . . Thank God for a great Thursday. 

• Spiritual Family • . . Thank God for each one of them being in my life. . . Romans 12:8(NLT) “If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.” . . I'm thankful for each one of them because they played a role in my heart. They have showed me how God's love is like and how to help others who in need. . . "Teach by actions and words, learn by putting in movement." Truly appreciate each one of them who have impact my life deeply. . #LearningInProcess #EachOfThem #AreATeacher #ThankGodForThem #ItsGodsPlan #GreaterThingsAreYetToCome #BelievingForADeeperWalk #SpiritualFamilyInChrist #E404N462 #W431 #AnFaiTeeTooN532 #N439521 #SiblingsInChrist #LoveUnconditionally #BlessOthersWhoInNeed #HelpOthersInNeed #MoreToLearn #GratefulBeyondAllWords #LifeChangeWithGreat #KnowledgeOfLesson #GodMouldMeDeeper #IJustWantYouJesus

- God, I just want to rest in Your embrace. God, it’s You I want more than anything else in my life. . . 5 years ago, when I first came to Christ, You made an open door and an open way for me to experience what’s God love is all about. You have given me the peace and that joy I could have in life. Thank God. I’m really blessed to have a life that I’m able to grow in You, grow in Christ to be more like Christ. I’m grateful for You.

- “Through the calm and the storm, in the chaos. Though the mountain will crumble, You will not. Never failing, Your promise eternal. I need you, More than anything.” . . God just like this song of itself, that I need you more than anything in my life. I can lose anything that I need to surrender, that I need to consecrate to You. Lord, make my heart clean and break my heart for what break Yours, Lord. Mould me to be more like Christ, love like Jesus have loved me. God, in the bible You mentioned that Your promises will come to past, in the bible You mentioned that you will not leave nor forsake us. God, come walk me out of this darkness that is inside of me. I believe it’s only You can heal all my brokenness inside of my heart, Lord. . . “You bring life, You are love You bring light to the darkness. You give hope, You restore Every heart that is broken. Great are You, Lord It’s Your breath in our lungs, So we pour out our praise. We pour out our praise. It’s Your breath in our lungs, So we pour out our praise. To You only.” . . God, You bring life to us, we love you. You bring light into our life to get off the darkness. You give us hope again, You restore our broken piece that is in our heart. Lord, I’m really can’t express how much I’ve love you deep in my heart. I’m willing to sacrifice and surrender all the things I need, I’m willing to change to become someone better that can glorify Your Name, and lift Your Name up high. , . In my life right now, there is a lot of challenges I’m facing. Ever on Sunday I wanted to tell you something but I step back. Can you kindly don’t follow whatever things I do, wherever I go? I need my space, I need my freedom. Don’t move wherever I move, if not I will feel so locked up. I need my space to do things that I want. I shift in, you also shift in. I change table, you also change table. Why must you follow me? Please don’t and please stop. You are making me to feel super uncomfortable with it. . . It’s not a compliment but I feel you are just trying to make me feel irritated and hate myself even more. Please stop doing that. I don’t need you to always follow me, because I need my freedom of space. If not I really cannot take it anymore and I feel so controllable by you. Please spare a thought for me, I need my space to be with others. Don’t follow whatever I do. . . Times, I feel my life is so hard. And I couldn’t imagine that how am I able to survive through. I’m literally tired of you keep doing what I did. Please, this is not the right way. You do not determine to do what I do, and people will get irritated with it just like me. Please stop it. I’m not blaming you nor angry with you but I just feel that I need to say it out. You are harming me to be affected by you instead of making me happy. Please, I cannot take it anymore. Keep a distance from me.

*Someone was random to buy a skateboard* . . 1 Kings 1:40 “And all the people went up after him; and the people played the flutes and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth seemed to split with their sound” ‭‭. . It's a joy to serve in dialect church yesterday, with the cellgroup. It's a tiring week for me, but when serving the God's people it's a joy in my heart. Their smile and the little things we can do for them. . #DialectChurch #N439521 #ServingGodsPeople #1Kings140 #JoyfulHeart #BlessedToBeThere #TiredButItsGood #GodIsWithUs #LittleThingsWeCanDo #ThankGod #TYJ

- ZhiHao, CaiHui, Twinkle and Me. . . I’m glad that I’ve this opportunity to serve in dialect church together with my cellgroup on a Sunday afternoon. Nevertheless, I did not know how joy and happy I am feeling when I’m serving the elderly in the dialect church. Just simply helping them pressing the lift level wherever they want to go, it’s really a joy because seeing them carrying that smile on their face really make realize that I’ve made an blessing into them either. . . The elderly even shake hand and say thank you to me whenever they are going out of the lift. I remembered when I was serving half way, suddenly Twinkle came over to my side of the lift, she passed me a pack of sweet and told me was once of the elderly bless her. She shared with me that pack of sweet and I was thinking what a random friend I’ve known. Even when, ZhiHao taking over for me and while I’m resting in the Carpark with my friend, I helped an elderly with the lift, Twinkle passed me a can of drink even it’s cold. . . I’m indeed really blessed to have such friend. Before heading to Jurong West Church, I remembered so clearly was what Twinkle said. She said that she only left yesterday for eating ice. Then she say one month later she will come back to me and challenge me to stop drinking cold waters. Actually having such a friend that always so caring towards me especially when I came upon of cold water. One month later, what will happen..anyone know about it? . . I’m really thankful to be placed here in the cellgroup together with them. They have encouraged me and really helped me in one way or another without them knowing they have made an impact in my life. Thank you for helping me with my issue! I’m glad and happy.

I believe someone is filling blessed right now. . . Thank you for watching me grow and constantly speaking into my life for the past 3 years. Not just you are bless, I'm deeply bless too 💞 . . Romans 15:30(NLT) “Dear brothers and sisters, I urge you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to join in my struggle by praying to God for me. Do this because of your love for me, given to you by the Holy Spirit.”

"There is no greater love than Yours Nothing else could ever compare And even if I searched all the world I would never find a love like Yours" . . What makes me stronger in life after each obstacles, after each challenges, it is God's greater love for me that makes me stronger to fight the battle. . . "God's love is higher than anything in life."