Peter Solarz
RMH
hello vonnie
Cosmic Funnies
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
shark vs the universe
DEAR READER
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Claire Keane
JVL
★
NASA
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
dirt enthusiast
styofa doing anything
KIROKAZE
todays bird
#extradirty
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@xepher-3
Printing this out and framing it so that when I come back home after a long day I can stare at it and pretend it's my beautiful stay at home wife making a delicious meal for me and willing to hear about my difficult day and comfort me
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I think it all went to hell after I started loving and caring for fish
People can be so cruel and uncaring to such beautiful small creatures it makes me so sad and deeply upset when people can't adequately care for them but no one else seems to care
Me and my brothers got fish around the same time but my oldest brother killed them almost immediately even though he's the one that insisted we get them and my little brother's were kept in such deplorable conditions I'd ask my parents to clean their tank and to feed them less and to turn off their light I'd even offer to clean the tank for them it was also deplorably small I think it was a 3 gallon which is evil since he had 3 of them even though all were small it still hurt me so much to look at them
All of my fish made it almost two years until I switched rooms and didn't have a proper spot to keep them and my parents decided to put them with my little brother where he killed 2 almost right away and 1 probably made it to 2 years
At my old house, I'd clean their tank. I'd feed them once a day, and I'd even test their water, and every day after I came from school, I'd watch them silently. They were such a small and peaceful joy in such a cruel world
I had three guppies, a yellow one named Franz Kafka, a blue one named Edgar Allan Poe, and an orange one named Chuuya Nakahara (I read the books before ever knowing what bsd was shut up)
I can't stand it when people treat fish like decoration without need for proper care
It's very upsetting but people never seem to care and make me out to be a sensitive pussy
I was beginning to doze off but I just remembered something I was probably 3 or 4 back in my old house there was something going on some sort of celebration cause there was other people there many of my cousins from both sides and my oldest cousin took us to our room and a basketball game was on, he likes basketball, my old house was small and my parents me and my older brother all slept in the same room we were laying down on the bed I think and it was dark and the lights were off the door was only slightly open and you could see the light from the living room where all the adults were from the small crack of the door and I'm pretty positive other kids other than me and my brother were there and eating some chips I think he started touching me around my stomach near my penis but never actually touched it I don't think I remember him ever actually touching me there ever other than this time I'm not sure if I remember him kissing me or if I'm making it up but probably not maybe he got close but he never did stuff like that all I did was suck his dick he never tried to put it in or do anything other than that but I know that this time he was touching my stomach a lot
Maybe I'm making these connections up but that made me realize that I have a weird thing with my stomach like I can't stand touching it or having it touched it makes me feel really gross and sick to the point of wanting to throw up if I lay down on my stomach I feel really gross if people touch my stomach I feel intense dread and disgust their hands feel heavy and like it left and indent on my body every time Oscar gets on my stomach I want to cry and even though I love him and he isn't very heavy I almost always end up throwing him off roughly because I simply can't stand the feeling there
Should I make a tag for my molestation posts so it's easier to jerk off to my misery
I've been thinking about this a lot, and I've realized that every single time I've been in a sexual situation, it's always for the other person's pleasure never once has someone cared about how I feel or even pretended to focus on me it's really infuriating in a sad way like no matter how old I get how much I grow up or the fact that I am almost an adult I am still small and childish I am still treated like a child which in this horrible world means being personal porn I mean I don't know why I'm upset (??) I don't know how I feel but I know it's not good I don't know why I feel bad when I do it to myself I never tell anyone I never ask for help I never do anything about it regardless of how severe or how old I get by now it is completely my fault I can't use childish naivety as an excuse anymore I am just sexually fucked for all existence I guess I am sex repulsed and hate my genitalia I feel guilt and disgust when I masturbate but I still do it and I still seek out porn and I still seek out horrible adults and I talk to men when I don't like men and never want to be penetrated and I talk to women when I don't like women and never want to be close to one and I am treated like a child even by them when I know I am more than this but I have never been wanted for anything other than this I never talk about things like this and how I feel about it and I am purposely being vague because it is embarrassing and humiliating because I do it to myself I am almost eighteen I know what I'm doing I'm not stupid I do it to myself and I hate myself I'm no better than a retarded raped bitch if anything I'm more insufferable I don't want to be touched ever I don't want adults to think of me as personal child porn I don't want anyone to want me but I still want so badly for a woman twice my age to hold me like I am her child and to molest me once more I feel like if I grow up I won't be wanted anymore the only way I can be loved is by still being a child I'm so desperate for love and closeness I allow anything I don't want to like anyone I don't want to have sex I don't want anything I just want to be left alone but I want to keep being a child I want to be a child forever I don't want to grow up it's scary it's so scary I've never been anything I can't become something I'll be all alone once I grow up it's not fair if I stay a child all I am is porn but if I grow up I'll never be wanted again
I'm sorry I don't want to sound raped but I'm upset
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Killing myself because I will never be a classic shoujo prince
Devilman so peak when you don't have some fujoshi in your ear Trying to convince you it's a yaoi manga
It feels like this
I am a completely awful creature with no redeeming qualities
A picture Shylah took of me with my MXTX late freshman year
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You motherfuckers better be so grateful to have parents that speak English
I went to the optometrist and it's like right next to where one of my old friends used to live and I was thinking "oh God please don't be there please don't let me see him" and then I was like "oh yeah there's no way he'd be up this early"
Today I went to a store nearby where I used to live and I saw one of my old buddies and I wanted to die because we're literally the same fucking age but he had a fucking beard growing and he was so tall it was terrifying like he's always been taller than me but this shit was so fucked I still look like I'm nine this shit is so fucked no beard no mustache no bitches no nothing I'm like a very unattractive Mexican shota
This is so awful and it's not the first time this has happened man earlier this year too I saw Wyatt for the first time in months and he somehow managed to get taller than all of us like that shit was so fucked he was our little pussy boy he was literally like as big as me and more pathetic than me why the fuck is he now more grown than Michael AND HIM TOO he literally has a fucking girlfriend now like what the fuck man were supposed to be losers
I haven't seen Michael since school ended and I also had no classes with him this year but I think he stayed the same but still he's still taller
My only hope is that David stays a pussy boy cause he's the only reason why I dont get my ass fucked like him and Wyatt did he's my only hope in this cruel world
We like to shit on Michael and Wyatt but seriously it's so over for us
Not even us bro it's so over for me at least david has a job and is a little taller than me and is probably smarter
I'm actually so fucked all my friends are growing and I'm still like a seven year old boy is there any hope at all
Oh yeah I also had a dream my brother gave me money to buy a Deidara figure but the money was mostly Mexican pesos and McDonald's coupons but he had already left me by myself so I had to pray the cashier would just let me get away with it cause even in my dreams I can't live without Deira
I got some things for my brother's birthday cause I'm the best little brother ever
#it wasn't with my money #broke #papa still pays for me #I'm pathetic #they're sick of me
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I'm always afraid I talk too much and annoy people if I ever talk too much please tell me I can take the shame I'd rather die than force you to stand there and listen to me talk non-stop
I had a dream my prostitute friend ended up going lesbian with a chick and she was hot so I tried to get her to molest me too and I woke up right before she was gonna touch me