a mess™

Oh, you think it's "adorable" that I fell asleep on your lap? Well, it's a mark of my utter contempt. That's how little I fear you.

i love when i reblog a mutual's post and then they immediately reblog one of mine. it's the closest thing to sharing orange slices you can get on this website.

I really can’t believe we all grew up together on this goddamn bitch of a website

BTW when you encounter a character and think "What's this guy's fucking problem?" that's your body trying to give you an out before you fall into obsession.

do you ever start writing a comment on the internet and then think “oh what the fuck am i going on about” and delete it

I also enjoy writing an entire paragraph, thinking "you know, I don't actually need to be involved in this conversation," and deleting it

Lord, grant me the strength to throw away this box that i'll never use, the courage to throw away this box that i'll never use, and the wisdom to throw away this box that i'll never use

your daughter is a pleasure to have on the dashboard

Absolutely horrid that a 10hr sleep does not cure you of all that ails you

How do they choose which sand to be the glass and which sand to be the sand in an hourglass... Imagine you and your best friend were two grains of sand and you had to be in the hourglass and your bestie had to be the glass. Ur together but youve never been more apart. A Sick and twisted practice hourglassery is...

I love going viral on tumblr.com. It’s like if you stood in a field and said some of the stupidest shit a human being is capable of and then like fifty thousand crows attacked you

Don’t do this to me

my brother in christ you made the post

idk about you but i’m a sucker for the we just had sex and it’s the morning after and i woke up to an empty bed and how could i be so stupid of course you left me alone but wait you’re in my kitchen cooking me breakfast and i’m so relieved trope