John Egbert Protection Squad

CashApp: $lutecemess

Even if you can’t commission me, I’d really appreciate this post being reblogged! Thank you and I hope you have a nice day!

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Diemen: (| hey |) Diemen: (| i gotta…|) Diemen: (| i gotta stop and rest |) Diemen: (|…i can’t lie. im staving for a Heavenly Frankfurter |) Diemen: (| but this might be too much for me |) Diemen: (| i don’t think i’m cut out for this |) Diemen: (| … |) Diemen: (| i just |) Diemen: (| i kinda suck? |) Diemen: (| i mean, my lusus is gone, i don’t have any skills, and most people think i’m weird for liking hotdogs so much |) Diemen: (| i’m probably just going to get culled |) Diemen: (| i’m not good at going on adventures, or doing anything hard |) Diemen: (| all i’m good at is finding an Easy Meal here and there, however i can get it |) Diemen: (| like, talking people out of their Fine Sausages using tricks or other ploys, which end up losing me friends |) Diemen: (| it’s been unthinkable that anyone would actually do anything nice for me or would WANT me to have that Sweet, Sweet Meal i desire… |) Diemen: (| at least it was unthinkable… until now |) Diemen: (| nobody’s ever done so much, or worked so hard, to try to get my hands on another Magnificent Banger |) Diemen: (| sorry for being so emotional, but like, this is new for me? |) Diemen: (| i don’t know how to handle it, I’m.. |) Diemen: (| i’m just… |) Diemen: (| so, so grateful… |) Diemen: (| i’d be thrilled to call you a friend, man |) Diemen: (| … whatever you are… |) Diemen: (| oh shit! |) Diemen: (| they found us! |) Diemen: it’s a drone, dude! i guess they’re on, like, sewer duty?! |) Diemen: (| we gotta run! |)

Lynera: -in the jadeblood hive its harder to concentrate because people break the rules and i get irritated! so i come here to do homework! Lynera: -thats all!!! just homework. Lynera: … Lynera: -!!!what are you looking at !!! Lynera: -theres nothing to see here! Lynera: … Lynera: -i brought you here because your messages to bronya were highly suspicious! Lynera: -i dont know you and i dont trust you Lynera: -you could be trying to see bronya for nefarious purposes Lynera: -so i brought you here! to vet you! Lynera: -!!! now we can talk about what your real intentions are !!! Lynera: … Lynera: -oh come on! stop playing the victim! Lynera: -if anyone is the victim here it’s me! Lynera: -i try so hard to be there for bronya as her best friend but she Lynera: …-she doesnt even… Lynera: … Lynera: -she doesnt even… Lynera: … Lynera: -its fine though Lynera: -really its fine! our friendship is great! i wouldnt change anything about it! Lynera: -its fine as long as she doesnt have any other friends! Lynera: -because im her best friend! i should be the only one she needs! Lynera: … Lynera: -what! Lynera: -!!! i never said we were moirails !!! Lynera: -thats not even the quadrant i want her in Lynera: -i mean, uh Lynera: -!!! never mind that! how dare you make assumptions !!! Lynera: … Lynera: -i get why you would think that Lynera: -ugh its probably so obvious that my Lynera: -my feelings for her Lynera: -are very r-red Lynera: … Lynera: -i know i dont have a chance Lynera: -she doesnt think of me that way Lynera: -im her loyal friend and second in command Lynera: -thats all ill ever be to her no matter what Lynera: -and i try to do a really good job at being her friend! Lynera: -because what else can i do? i- if im her best friend then at least im still in her life! at least i mean something to her! Lynera: … Lynera: -of course it isnt making me happy! Lynera: -i cant keep her from having other friends no matter how hard i try! Lynera: -and shes amazing so of course everyone wants to be her friend! Lynera: -!!! including you apparently !!!

Konyyl: so what do you think Konyyl: what do we… Konyyl: do? Konyyl: … Konyyl: yeah no SHIT Konyyl: for PUNCHING Konyyl: i am also good at SLASHING Konyyl: … Konyyl: but… Konyyl: azdaja always does the THINKING Konyyl: and the PLANNING Konyyl: hes the one with the eyebeams and the big THINKPAN Konyyl: …dont tell him i said that. Konyyl: …please? Konyyl: … Konyyl: OH Konyyl: right Konyyl: azdaja is a frustrating BULGELORD LOSER Konyyl: who sucks SO BAD Konyyl: also hes my matesprit and weve been together for sweeps Konyyl: hes supposed to be HERE Konyyl: but hes off doing some dumb BULLSHIT Konyyl: so i need you to be the pans of the operation OKAY Konyyl: …please, do this for me?

Pls protect him

Elwurd: come on in girL Bronya: Hello, Elwurd. Bronya: vV We can make this the last time we have to see each other! VV Bronya: …If you would just hand over my favorite sweater. Elwurd: i dont have it Elwurd: i dont know how many times I gotta teLL you Bronya: It’s very simple. Bronya: 1. I was wearing it over here when we broke up. 2. I keep careful track of all my belongings. and 3. You think it’s funny to antagonize me! Bronya: All signs point to you having it. Bronya: I don’t want to fight again. Bronya: Isn’t it nicer if we collaborate? Elwurd: who’s fighting? Elwurd: i dont even remember what your sweater Looks Like Elwurd: i dont reaLLy think about it Elwurd: or you Elwurd: at aLL Elwurd: ever Bronya: vV Emotional dishonesty is a barrier to helpful communication! VV Elwurd: uuuuugggghhhhhh Elwurd: im not one of your Little jades who have to Listen to this crap Elwurd: … Elwurd: ok whatever im not gonna get dragged into this again Elwurd: you’re interrupting my date bronya Elwurd: more Like boring-ya Elwurd: im actuaLLy trying to hang out with someone who’s not you right now Elwurd: a reaL cutie Elwurd: …. Elwurd: *vague gesturing noise* Bronya: vV *Gasp!* VV Bronya: You… and Elwurd? Bronya: Well, this is a surprise! Bronya: I didn’t know you were looking for a romantic connection. Bronya: I could’ve introduced you to some of my other Jade’s. Bronya: N-not that I mind that you’re with Elwurd. Bronya: vV I wish only the best for her in all that she does! Vv Elwurd: ughhh Elwurd: you two know each other? Bronya: Of course! I wouldn’t tell you how to conduct your personal life. Bronya: I’m really just here for my sweater. Bronya: Can you get it, please, Elwurd? Elwurd: nah LoL Elwurd: you just Lost it Elwurd: stop making excuses to come over here Bronya: Someone might accuse you of manufacturing reasons for me to keep coming over. Bronya: By not giving it back. Elwurd: LoLLLLL Elwurd: ok whatever Elwurd: ill just Let you know if it turns up aLright? Bronya: Not alright. Bronya: 1. You said that before and You’ve never follow through. 2. You never contact me first 3. You’re obviously not motivated to find it. Bronya: I want to settle this once and for all. Bronya: vV It’s time to resolve our conflict! Vv Elwurd: jeeeeeeeez Elwurd: i didn’t steaL your fuckin sweater Elwurd: Look i want to resoLve this too Elwurd: but now just isn’t a good time Elwurd: can’t you just Let me have some time with my new paL here Bronya: Hmm… It does seem like a reasonable request. Bronya: This may take longer than I would have liked. Bronya: I suppose I could leave it alone for now. But you can’t just keep avoiding me forever. Bronya: Not just about the sweater. Elwurd: im not doin that Elwurd: ughh didn’t you get enough of taLking about our feeLings when we were actuaLLy together Elwurd: why do we have to taLk about them nowwwwwwwww Bronya: Let’s talk about it later, then,. I’d rather leave my friend here out of it, anyway. Bronya: I’ll come back when you’re more available. Bronya: vV Please try to work with me on this! VV Bronya: Thank you. Elwurd: …*sigh* Elwurd: you know what? Elwurd: … Elwurd: i do have her sweater

Chixie: i… / I can’t believe it… / I can’t Chixie: that’s… Chixie: that’s my song  Chixie: they didn’t just steal my set / they stole my set list  Chixie: … Chixie: twist and pull / breathe the terror of life on hell/ spines and gore/ forevermore / on this nightmare island spell Chixie: heiress above /blight below / i’m knocking on your hive’s front door /love me please / i abhor Chixie: … Chixie: it’s all over / nobody is going to believe I wrote this music / some little dirtblood country girl Chixie: … Chixie: …yeah Chixie: yeah! Chixie: … Chixie: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Chixie: … Chixie: you like that? / I wrote it Chixie: you hit that? / I own it Chixie: comin’ in hot / tryna steal my spot Chixie: just grab my bulge and deepthroat it Chixie: paint your claws red / paint your mouth brown Chixie: acting like you know what it’s like down here on the ground Chixie: but it’s imitation / I got no expectation / this is your final station Chixie: you aren’t gonna hit higher than this collaboration Chixie: so kill me / cull me / call the drones  Chixie: it won’t change a bit of what they all know Chixie: when you’re a thief / what do you expect  Chixie: I beat you all square / hey / show some respect…

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(Guess who’s back iiin the house~ ;,) It’s Ardata! But, more importantly, BOLDIR!!!!!! Ahh I love her and I loved her route sm!! Voicing her was fun :D) Ardata: hahahaha, who iiis thiiis, now? Ardata: yet another friiiend? Ardata: … Ardata: of course iii am, fool Ardata: you were back there for about ten miiinutes Ardata: … Ardata: stop, stop! …before iii have to stop you myself Ardata: iii have absolutely no desiiire to miiix wiiith those so low on the sociiial ladder Ardata: what iiin the world could she have to offer me? Ardata: … Boldir: (psst, nice to meet you in person, miss carmia) Boldir: (i hear your grubtube channel has been losing subscribers recently) Boldir: (i wonder why that is?) Ardata: iii- Ardata: iii’m currently on hiiiatus.  Ardata: The old garbage was gettiiing tiiired. Ardata: iii have so many iiimiiitators that even my own content iiis startiiing to get deriiivatiiive  Ardata: mwahahahah Ardata: hahahaha Ardata: haha Ardata: huh Ardata: iii- iiinfact, iii have a new feature iiin the works as we speak Ardata: …poiiison Ardata: iii thiiink the best and most expediiient process would just be to dose my featured guest’s food and then hiiide the antiiidote somewhere in my hiiive Ardata: unless you have another iiidea? Boldir: (heh, great. have fun with that.) Ardata: … Boldir: … Ardata: iii suppose iii’ll be goiiing now Ardata: and iiif iii were you iii’d be more miiindful of those who iii choose to associiiate myself wiiith iiin the future Boldir: (take care now) Boldir: … Boldir: (psst! show me.) Boldir: (…oh.) Boldir: (damn.) Boldir: (well, at least you have the antidote now. you never know when one of those might come in handy.) Boldir: (…!) Boldir: (ow.) Boldir: (dammit.) Boldir: (…poison.) Boldir: (…) Boldir: (you’re probably right…) Boldir: (but maybe you should try it anyway?) Boldir: (i can’t feel my legs…) Boldir: (…) Boldir: (great.) Boldir: (awesome.) Boldir: (i’m glad you’re realizing your inherent significance to this particular microcosm of causation.) Boldir: (now can you please pour that stuff in my mouth so i can sallow it and possibly not die???) Boldir: (…) Boldir: (alive. marginally.) Boldir: (oof! not so tight…)

Lynera: -in the jadeblood hie its harder to concentrate because people break the rules and i get irritated! so i come here to do homework! Lynera: -thats all!!! just homework. Lynera: … Lynera: -!!!what are you looking at !!! Lynera: -theres nothing to see here! Lynera: … Lynera: -i brought you here because your messages to bronya were highly suspicious! Lynera: -i dont know you and i dont trust you Lynera: -you could be trying to see bronya for nefarious purposes Lynera: -so i brought you here! to vet you! Lynera: -!!! now we can talk about what your real intentions are !!! Lynera: … Lynera: -oh come on! stop playing the victim! Lynera: -if anyone is the victim here it’s me! Lynera: -i try so hard to be there for bronya as her best friend but she Lynera: …-she doesnt even… Lynera: … Lynera: -she doesnt even… Lynera: … Lynera: -its fine though Lynera: -really its fine! our friendship is great! i wouldnt change anything about it! Lynera: -its fine as long as she doesnt have any other friends! Lynera: -because im her best friend! i should be the only one she needs! Lynera: … Lynera: -what! Lynera: -!!! i never said we were moirails !!! Lynera: -thats not even the quadrant i want her in Lynera: -i mean, uh Lynera: -!!! never mind that! how dare you make assumptions !!! Lynera: … Lynera: -i get why you would think that Lynera: -ugh its probably so obvious that my Lynera: -my feelings for her Lynera: -are very r-red Lynera: … Lynera: -i know i dont have a chance Lynera: -she doesnt think of me that way Lynera: -im her loyal friend and second in command Lynera: -thats all ill ever be to her no matter what Lynera: -and i try to do a really good job at being her friend! Lynera: -because what else can i do? i- if im her best friend then at least im still in her life! at least i mean something to her! Lynera: … Lynera: -of course it isnt making me happy! Lynera: -i cant keep her from having other friends no matter how hard i try! Lynera: -and shes amazing so of course everyone wants to be her friend! Lynera: -!!! including you apparently !!!

Tirona: wh33w! h33re w33 ar33, my hiv33 away from hiv33! Tirona: you can b33 a bit loud33r now. but no shouting! thatd just b33 w33ird as h33ll buddy. Tirona: oh! and my nam33s tirona by th33 way Tirona: so what w33r33 gonna do h3r33 is im just going to go ah33ad and acc33ss your fil33s in our syst33m. Tirona: shouldnt b33 too hard to find sinc33 your33 a w33ird ali33n and… Tirona: Yup! H33r33 w33 go! thats what w33r33 looking for. Tirona: tim33 to mak33 a f33w 33dits… Tirona: now normally i wouldnt pull anything this risky and i c33rtainly woulnt be h33lping a criminal but i hav33 it on good sourc33 that your33 not the kind of p33rson w33 should be l33tting rot in a c33ll. or wors33! Tirona: right now, your33 in our syst33m on a lotta w33ird and s33rious and off33nses Tirona: but you and i- Tirona: -w33- Tirona: know th33 only thing your33 R33ALLY guilty of is trying to k3333p your h33ad and should33rs attached, y33ah? Tirona: just gonna click h33r33 d33l33t33 a f33w things and… Tirona: th33r33 w33 go! your33 cl33an Tirona: … Tirona: list33n, im just doing th33 grunt work for ya Tirona: wasnt r33ally my d33cision to spring you Tirona: … Tirona: l33ts just say you and i hav33 a mutual fri33nd wink wink nudg33 nudg33 Tirona: i run 33rrands for him som33tim33s in 33xchang33 for information and i just happ33n33d to b33 pulling an allday33r ov33r h33r33 anyway so i was in th33 right plac33 at the right tim33! Tirona: … Tirona: this plac33 is… Tirona: w33ll its a lotta things! Tirona: jail and courthous33 and offic33 and a whol33 lot mor33! Tirona: basically if your33 a t33al looking to l33arn how to do t33al things this wh33r33 you go for a hands on int33rnm33ntship Tirona: most of it is law r33lated of cours33 but th33r33s a coupla s33mi r33lat33d fi33lds for th33 go g33tt33rs looking to do som33thing a littl33 diff33rent Tirona: lik33 m33! Tirona: y33p! i b33t your33 just dying to know what i g33t up to in th33s33 hallow33d halls dont ya Tirona: sur33ly a brilliant mind lik33 miss kasund is doing som33thing r33al important h33r33 is what i b33t your33 thinking and you ar33 absolut33ly corr33ct my fri33nd! Tirona: f33ast your gand33rbulbs on this! Tirona: ch33ck it out, ch33ck it out! th33yr33 a littl33 corny but i know trizzas gonna lov33 33m! sh33s a r33al suck33r for this kind of thing Tirona: … Tirona: th33s33 on33sll b33 going up on th33 w33b soon, but for now iv33 got pl33nty of oth33r m33m33s circulating Tirona: s3333, i mad33 a bunch of fak33 chittr accounts and got som33 t33chy troll to automat33 th33m for m33. h33 was hyp33d out th33 33xcit33m33nt nub to do som33 work on trizzas b33half i t33ll ya Tirona: som33 of th33s33 accounts just pr33t33nd to b33 r33gular trolls and oth33rs are "B33ST JOK33S NIGHTLY BIG FUNNY R33LATABL33 LAUGH HUMOR”, yknow Tirona: th33yr33 racking up the follows as w33 sp33ak Tirona: … Tirona: thats how you g33t 33m! you star with a coupl33 of innocuous jok33s and cut33 purrb33ast pics and th33n bam! sudd33nly your33 spr33ading th33 good word of th 33mpir33 and 33v33ryon33 acc33pts it caus33 your chittr account is so funny and hip Tirona: i call it m33m33aganda, its gonna b33 the n33xt big thing i t33ll ya Tirona: … Tirona: thank you, thank you! glad SOM33ON33 appr33ciat33s all th33 hard work im doing h33r33 inst33ad of just brushing m33 off Tirona: iv33 had to do a lot of ov33rtim33 putting out propaganda for th33 33mpir33 r33c33ntly  Tirona: just b33t3333n you and m33- Tirona: -although this aint 33xactly much of a s33cr33t anymor33- Tirona: - th33r33s talk of a r33b33lion br33wing, lik33 a r33al actual big scal33 r33b33lion inst33ad of just a bunch of highbloods g33tting paranoid b33cau33 a burgundy look33d at th33m funny Tirona: its pr33ty scary acually and i hop33 i dont g33t sw33pt up in all of it if som33thing nasty br33aks out

Stelsa: I AM QUITE SURE I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT Stelsa: I AM NOT STICKING ANYTHING ANYWHERE Stelsa: DEFINITELY NOT TO ANY MAN Stelsa: AND NEITHER IS TYZIAS Stelsa: … Stelsa: AGAIN Stelsa: I HAVE NO DEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT NOT A SINGLE CLUE Stelsa: TYZIAS AND MYSELF ARE BOTH LAW ABIDING SUBJECTS OF THE EMPIRE Stelsa: WE DONT DABBLE IN SUCH FOOLISH THINGS AS SYMPATHIZING WITH REBELS Stelsa: WHAT WOULD THAT POSSIBLY ACCOMPLISH Stelsa: WE DO THINGS THE WAY WE DO ON ALTERNIA FOR A REASON DARLING Stelsa: WITHOUT THE HEMOSPECTRUM AND THE ROLES WE EACH NEED TO PLAY WHY Stelsa: THE WORLD WOULD BE PLUNGED INTO COMPLETE CHAOS CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE Stelsa: TROLLS RUNNING AROUND NOT KNOWING WHICH WAY IS UP DOING WHATEVER THEY PLEASE NO ONE TO TELL THEM WHAT THEIR PLACE IN THE WORLD IS Stelsa: AND ITS BETTER FOR EVERYONE THIS WAY Stelsa: I TRULY BELIEVE THAT Stelsa: … Stelsa: GREAT WORK NICE FANTASTIC YOU DID AN EXCELLENT JOB Stelsa: Stelsa: I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU Stelsa: SO I HAVE THIS ACQUAINTANCE  Stelsa: THEY ARE IN A QUADRANT WITH SOMEONE WHO HARBORS VIEWS MOST WOULD CONSIDER SUBVERSIVE IF NOT OUTRIGHT TREASONOUS Stelsa: SHE DIDNT ALWAYS Stelsa: THE MATESPRIT I MEAN Stelsa: IT WILL BLOW OVER AT SOME POINT SHE MUST JUST BE GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT PHASE Stelsa: BUT IN THE MEANTIME SHE COULD GET INTO OH SO MUCH TROUBLE Stelsa: … Stelsa: NOPE Stelsa: … Stelsa: ABSOLUTELY NOT Stelsa: … Stelsa: TALK ABOUT IT? Stelsa: MMMM Stelsa: BUT MY FRIEND DOES NT GREE WITH HER MATESPRITS SENTIMENTS Stelsa: DISCUSSING IT WOULD JUST CAUSE UNNCESSARY FRICTION WOULDNT IT Stelsa: … Stelsa: MAYBE YOURE RIGHT Stelsa: I HAVE NOT SPOKEN ABOUT THAT TO ANYONE BEFORE NOW Stelsa: TELLING YOU ABOUT IT WAS TRULY A LOAD OFF MY BELLOWSAC CAVITY Stelsa: I AM CERTAIN MY FRIEND WILL BE GRATEFUL AS WELL I SHALL RELAY YOUR ADVICE ACCORDINGLY AS SOON AS I CAN Stelsa: I SHOULD FINISH GETTING READY Stelsa: MMM THANK YOU Stelsa: YOU ARE A REAL FRIEND