[alex enters stage left]

Were his words supposed to ease her? He was still getting married and here she was, standing there after all that was said and done to know that he wasn’t going to change his mind. “I’m not acting like anything.” is all she could say and when she heard him say the last words, she had to grit down on her teeth. She should punch him just about now, but instead she finished the drink and placed the glass down. “Well, i’m right here. But that’s all I can say. I mean, what do you want me to say?” she had clearly said a lot a few weeks ago, but here he was, still marrying Emma. So what did he want to hear? 

He didn’t understand why she had to make this so complicated for them. Would she really rather lose every messy piece of history they had together than to squash it and allow them to shift back into a comfortable friendship? “You’re acting like a fucking brat” he ran his hand over his mouth and jawline, eyes diverting from her to scan the crowd once again. This wasn’t really the time or place to have a conversation like this “I want you to be done with this- whatever the hell this his” His voice was still hushed, anyone with a set of eyes could see there was some sort of tension “If you didn’t want to be here why did you bother showing up?”

He had to be joking right? Was he seriously asking her how she was? Did he care? Yes, she was still very very bitter towards him so if he was expecting some casual response, he was wrong. However, this was his engagement party and while she should have been happy for him, she couldn’t keep herself from expressing that sentiment. Instead of responding, she poured herself another glass before leaning back against the counter. Eyes were trained on him while she pulled the glass up to her lips to take a sip. Mentally she was  just counting down to how long it would take before he dropped the act and either asked her to leave, or walked away. 

The chatter from the other room could be heard clearly which just meant she’d have to keep her voice low or they’d be able to hear her – that is if she wanted to talk. “How are you Xander?” she asked after a moment. If there was any indication at all, she wasn’t okay, but did that matter? “Don’t worry, i’m gonna head out soon in case my presence here was making it uncomfortable for you.” There was no need to keep up a facade, and if she meant nothing to him, she shouldn’t even be here. Right?

“Don’t” he started, voice hushed as he glanced around to make sure listening ears weren’t paying them much attention. He didn’t want to make a scene but he didn’t want whatever was happening here to end in the two of them ending a lifelong friendship, even though most of it was his own fault. With a sigh, he leaned against the bar, gaze shifting to her once more “Don’t start acting like this” he was undeniably annoyed by the way she was acting already. They had both made the mistake they had made “Emma wants you here because you’re important to me” That wasn’t a lie, Maddie was important to him. Emma just didn’t know how important. “And I want you here, Maddie” he continued on, shifting so he could face her “I fuckin’ miss you”

@xcndersmith

–Because this was normal right? Talk about feelings, get ignored, only to show up at the man you love’s house while he publicly announces his engagement with another woman once more. Except she had no other excuse but to show up, so while the wine was being passed around, she had helped herself to her third glass. She was aiming for her fourth glass but she needed something stronger and since she knew his place like the back of her hand, she excused herself from the group just to help herself to the liquor that was usually stashed in one of the cabinets. Maybe she should just take it and leave, place a sorry note for taking the liquor and pay him back— never? She was still bitter, but could she be blamed? Deep down, yes she could. For now, she was just going to drink.

When she heard the footsteps behind her, she replaced the frown with a smile and turned to greet the person that had decided to follow her. “I think you were out of wine, so just helping myself to something stronger.” 

It was strange, he would admit it, to have Maddie around for this celebration after everything that had happened between them. They both knew (at least he had hoped) that being together had been a mistake and Xander had spent a good amount of time avoiding her. Much too long. It was Emma’s idea to invite Madeline and he couldn’t say no- if anything it would have raised more suspicion when it came to the two of them and where their relationship was so an invite was sent to her, begrudgingly.

As the night progressed his eyes couldn’t help but find her every once in a while, stealing glances every chance he could get as he made his rounds and did what hosts did “I call shenanigans” Xan tutted his tongue against the roof of his mouth, trying to keep things between them casual “How are you Mads?”

His words felt so strange to her in that moment. Shouldn’t she be happy that he was in love with a woman and was about to start his life with her? So why did it hurt her knowing that he was so full of shit? She should have left this alone, but the fact that he wasn’t being honest was only aggravating her. There was so much more to them and it was proven on New Years, so why couldn’t he just admit to it? “Bullshit and you know it. No we are not done Xander and if you close that door on me, you’re going to lose me forever all because you were too stubborn to realize it.” She was frustrated and whether that was sexually or with him was unclear, but if he closed that door on her. If he left, then that was it– at least that’s what she told herself in this moment. “–You can’t act like there’s nothing there, because I know what I felt in that moment wasn’t just one sided!” she stated. It couldn’t be, she refused to believe he was just caught up in the moment. No. She couldn’t accept that;

“Madeline” Her name fell of his tongue with a sharp hiss, the anger he was feeling still evident. It didn’t matter that they wanted- what they felt- the both of them knew this wouldn’t work. They had been down this road before and it did work so what was the point in trying again? Not when he had a life waiting and ready for him. Being in love with two vastly different women was complicated “I’ve made my choice and it isn’t you. If that means you walk away from our friendship then I guess that’s the price I have to pay. It wouldn’t be the first time you did” he snapped back “If that’s all I have to do to end this, then goodbye, Maddie” In silence he turned on his heal, shutting the door behind him after entering his house once more.

Did his words sting? Yes. The one thing she could have always counted on was their friendship. Isn’t that what made them– well them? So while she stood there dumbfounded, she couldn’t find herself just leaving. There was more to it, because she knew him well enough to know when he would back away from something. This was that moment– and sure she could retort back with a bitchy comment, because that’s what made this moment easier, yet she couldn’t. Instead, she said the words she never thought she’d say aloud. Not to him anyway; “You’re making a mistake.” It was as if it hit her as clear as day, he shouldn’t be marrying Emma. He shouldn’t even be with her. Not when that kiss meant so much more. “I could walk away right now if that’s what you want. But you know as well as I do that there’s something more because friends don’t kiss like that.” she stated. 

A laugh escaped him but it lacked the humour it usually had. It was more of a scoff than anything. Hands were placed on his hips, his head tilting to the side because he simply couldn’t look at the girl without wanting to kiss her again. What had changed between them? Was it the fact that he was moving on with his life- that a part of him was scared that in doing so he would lose her completely? These were thoughts he would never voice “A mistake?” he finally spoke, eyes glancing to her before he continued on “You don’t know what you’re talking about- I’m engaged to a woman I love- the only mistake I made was getting caught up in the moment. We’re done here, Madison” 

He was home, and suddenly she wanted to leave, but before she could actually run the door was opening and Maddie coudln’t do anything but stand there. His initial reaction isn’t what she was expecting. She figured he’d be over it, and maybe he’ll welcome her in and she’d be chastising herself for over reading into things. Yet– this felt different. “I’m sorry, I can come back later. I just–” what? wanted to see if he was still over their New Years kiss? Over the fact that they had nearly gotten handsy in public while his fiance was on the other end of the wall then? Wait, why was she the one apologizing to begin with. “No, you know what? I came to talk, but i’d appreciate it if you could lose the attitude seeing that we haven’t even spoken for weeks now. And last I remember, I don’t think I did anything wrong.” Aside from wanting it– him but she decided to leave that to herself.

He didn’t know why he was angry. Maybe it was because it was the way he dealt with things or defused the situation. Maybe it was because Emma could have been there with him and Maddie showing up out of the blue was the last thing any of them wanted. “Did it ever cross your mind that if I wanted to talk, I would have- I dunno- talked?” he was in this place of talk-yelling, keeping his voice quiet enough that it wouldn’t cause a disruption but there was definitely. It was clear to him that night that the two of them weren’t just friends, that they could never be just friends and her lingering around didn’t help with that “I don’t want to talk so if that’s the only reason you came here then I guess we’re done, right?”

@xcndersmith

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since she had last seen him, and that too on New Years night. The kiss is all she could think about– and maybe it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but there was something there. Despite the fact that he was engaged to someone else, he still wanted her. Maybe that’s why she found herself parked a house down from his; Had he told Emma? Did Emma know? Had he decided to move on because she had told him to? Luckily he was home, luckily she didn’t have classes for the evening, so this was good. After a few minutes of contemplating whether she should be here or not, she finally got out of the car and headed towards his house. She wasn’t sure if he had any plans, or if he was going to be home for long either, but she had to know if they were okay. If he was okay, or if she was overthinking things. She hesitated at first before knocking on his door, only to realize he did have a doorbell, so she pushed the bell. Her nerves were creeping in on her and she had half the mind to walk away. To leave, and just stick to phone conversations– but she stayed, because aside from ignoring each other, they needed to grow up and face their actions. 

Xander would be lying if he said Maddie hadn’t crossed his mind over the past few weeks. In fact, he’d be lying if he said that she wasn’t on his mind twenty-four-seven. Which wasn’t okay. He was engaged to a woman he loved, getting ready to take the step and move in with her instead of being half at her place and half at his. “Coming” his voice echoed through the empty house, most of his belongings in boxes already. The man stumbled through the messy house until he managed to get the door unlocked and open and for some reason, stood there completely awestruck. Emma didn’t know about New Year's Eve. She didn’t know about the kiss or the fact that it meant so much to both of them. And it wasn’t something she was ever going to know. It took everything inside him not to slam the door in her face and pretend she wasn’t even there but that wasn’t him. “Maddie?” he asked, disbelief still written on his face “What the hell are you doing here?”

She wasn’t expecting it– a hug maybe, a cheek kiss maybe, but when he pressed his lips against her own, she froze. Just for a moment, with a racing heart, she accepted his kiss and kissed him back. She placed her hand gently on his own cheek as her back hit the wall behind her. This was unexpected, but she wanted it. She didn’t pull away, not yet, not when this was just getting started and trailed her hands down the front of his jacket before slipping her hand up his jacket, just enough to grab his belt, just enough to tug him closer. It was probably the cheers afterwards that had brought her back to reality of it all. The fact that he wasn’t even supposed to be kissing her, that he should be inside, kissing his fiance. The woman he loved, so why was he out here, kissing her? It was her chain of thoughts that caused her to pull away. She held his gaze, but didn’t say much–or anything for that matter. It was as if shew as thinking what he was thinking– that this wasn’t a goodbye, that this was a start of something. For now, she needed to get out of there so he can go be with her. For now, she needed to keep her sanity which meant getting away from here. “Tell Mike I wasn’t feeling well.” is all she could mumble out before pushing past him. Staying home is what she should have done.

The look on Maddie’s face mirrored the look on Xander’s as the both of them pulled away from the heated kiss. He wasn’t expecting to react the way he did- to lose himself almost instantly in the woman he considered his best friend. He wasn’t alone in the moment they had- she knew he was recently engaged and continued on and pulled him into her. His hands released her but kind of lingered, frozen for a moment as the reality of everything sunk in. He, Alexander Smith, had spontaneously cheated on one of the most genuine and beautiful people he had ever met in his life. “Mads,” he started right after she spoke. Part of him wanted to grab her and pull her back to him, finish what they started but whatever drunken thoughts had passed through him earlier were gone and his more rational side was able to pull through, only looking in the direction she was headed “Happy fuckin’ new year” he stated to himself, turning back out towards were the fireworks were still going off and allowing the woman to part ways. Maybe that was for the best.  

“Ah yes, good ol’ Mike. I think he’d be flattered that you managed to remember his name.” she teased, but again, it didn’t affect her as much knowing that she didn’t care for Michael. That he was just a time pass, something that would make it easier for her to forget her real issue. Yet, he couldn’t help her so why did she need him? His words caused her to smile as she glanced up at him, and all she could wonder was how did she let him go? This was her fault. not his. To make it simpler so he wouldn’t miss out, she was about to speak up but the crowd had spoken up before her. The New Years Eve count down had begun, and being the way she was, she went along with it. “Twelve– Eleven–” she chanted along with the crowd. She wasn’t expecting any kind of special moment, but to know that she was counting off to a new year, to a new start, with the man she loved as her best friend, well, it was better than losing him altogether.

When she didn’t say anything after he did he got it. There was a part of him that always knew and understood her but he couldn’t really appease to the expectations of life. Sometimes some people just didn’t work out and Maddie and Xander were one of those stories. Still, something inside him was triggered as the countdown echoed through the town. He knew Emma would be unhappy with him for missing their midnight kiss but he could always make up for it later. Some things were just more important. It was impromptu as he stepped towards her, closing the distance between them and cupping her face in his hands so he could tilt it up to face him. His lips crashed down on hers, craving that moment of passion he knew they still had in them. This was meant to be a goodbye in a sense but the way his heart raced forced him to deepen the kiss, stepping into her until her back was pushed against the wall behind her. This didn’t feel like a goodbye at all. 

It wasn’t as if she was expecting him of all people to follow her out, in fact, she was pretty sure she had been stealthy when she decided to slip between the crowd and out into the open. The cold air was greeted with a sigh of breath, but as she felt the touch, she turned to find him now standing beside her. The surprise that took over for that second quickly dispersed when she had to mentally chastise her own new years resolution for moving on, because that wasn’t going to work. Instead, she looked up at the sky, watching the bright lights going off with a pop until he spoke up. She lowered her gaze, before speaking up.

“You know with all the bodies, it was getting pretty hot back there.” it wasn’t a lie either, with so many people around, all the craziness and the cheers, and of course, watching the man she loved be happy was hard on her. Was that a selfish thought? Yes, yes it was, so this is why she had to slip out. “Besides, Harry or Tommy– or whatever his name is, was kind of getting annoying so what better way to ditch someone than to explain the need to see fireworks, right?” At least that’s what she’d tell her date–whatever his name was. 

With a smile playing across her lips, she glanced up at the male beside her. “What are you doing out here? You should be inside, you’re practically the man of honor– and well, you know the bar better than your employees.” she added with a hint of tease. “–But i’m alright, if you were checking up on me. I just needed the fresh air.” she added quietly. Was she alright? No, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to be. She just needed a little time to adjust, maybe even pick on a new hobby or something. 

She might not have realised, but Xander knew her well enough to know when she was lying. Why they played this game, he wasn’t sure- he loved her but he also loved Emma and with Emma he saw a real chance at a future. He couldn’t really say the same for Maddie simply because she was unpredictable when he needed stability now “Michael- his name is Mike” He let out a quiet laugh, eyebrows raised as he glanced over at the woman next to him, as stunning as ever “I just wanted to watch some of the show with my best gal, I didn’t realise that was a crime” he joked, another chuckle escaping him as his arm nudged into hers “Don’t tell me you actually want to bring in the new year alone in the cold. Come back inside, Mads. We miss you in there- I miss you”

@xcndersmith

New Year, New Me! That was tonight’s motto, at least temporarily for the next few days until everyone got back to their same old boring track of failures. Alright, she had down three drinks already and her thoughts were more bitter than anything else, but it was much easy keeping the smile on her face. For him. For his happiness. She owed him that, after such a long time, it was finally time for her to let it go. To let him go because he had someone, and sure she hated the beautiful woman around his arm in this moment, but more than that, he was happy. That’s all that mattered. 

Her date was around grabbing more drinks and while she waited, everyone had their balloons and party hats ready. Well, actually the fireworks were going off right now, and this is why she decided to leave her date and push past the crowd to watch the fireworks. Why would she want to stand in there among the crowd of people, watching the man she loved fall even more in love with his fiance? Again, bitter thoughts–yes. If she was going to have to put on a smile in front of people she did not want to be around, then she had every right to the petty thoughts. 

Just a while more and the clock would strike twelve. And that would be the end of it. Madeline truly needed to stick to that motto, because she couldn’t go back to being her old self. She had to move on; The illumination of every fire cracker that burst into the night sky made it bearable to stick around, but this is the last place she wanted to be. In this moment, she needed some isolation to compose herself, but for now, she’ll settle on watching the fireworks.

As per usual, Xander was at the bar, though this time he wasn’t working. Well, that was only half true. It was his bar so even on his night off he was still helping when needed and micromanaging even though he had. But after a while the small team he had seemed to have things managed and the man was able to dip away and spend some much needed time with his friends and family. With Emma, who he was sure had already spent the entire night showing off the decent sized rock wrapped in white gold that was sitting pretty on a certain finger. 

There was a small part of him that knew this would be hard on Maddie. Hell, it was kind of hard on him to but they had both moved on from their past. For the most part. As he finally made he way to the large group of friends that were huddled in the corner of the bar, tables reserved just for them. One of the benefits of owning the town bar was getting to make your own rules on the busiest night of the year. Emma hopped up and naturally, his arm was around her waist and pulled her petite frame closer to him before planting a playful kiss on the side of her head. 

Green eyes landed on the familiar brunette. As if he wouldn’t notice her slipping away “Hey,” he whispered into his fiance's ear “I’ll be right back, alright?” the conversation ended there. She bobbed her head in an eager nod and when back to gossiping and drinking with her own friends. He weaved through the crown, eyes still on Maddie as she exited the bar. His hand tapped the small of her back as she walked behind her to take his spot next to the woman. There was a silence between them, a weird what he couldn’t quite remember experiencing before “You know, it’s a lot more fun inside than out in the cold” he pointed out

It was as if her prayers had been answered, because the minute the door to her room had opened, she lifted her head in hopes that it was someone she can talk to. More so on the news of everyone around her; It was only a pleasant surprise to see that it was Xander himself. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, especially when she knew that in her time of need, he’d be there. He was always there, still, shouldn’t he had been with Emma? The thought itself overtook her thoughts on the dream she had about him.

“Hey you…” A smile in response, but had he even heard her? Her voice felt hoarse, she was surprised she successfully managed two syllables. “Actually, can I get some water?” as much as she’d love the caffeine, she was in need of some water.  Her vision was still hazy, but that may have been from the strong meds. The only thing that kept her pain at bay, even though the sudden thought that she wouldn’t be able to go to the beach with him or wear a bikini without showing the ugly scar. “Oh that’s gonna be ugly.” she spoke up, voicing her thoughts that should have remained internal.

His words snapped her out of her sad thoughts as she smiled at his spoken words and attempted to squeeze his hand, but clearly failing since she still felt numb. “Emma was here? Is she okay?” suddenly her smile dropped. He had been there, which meant he was with her, but had she been pulled into the crossfire? Was Emma a patient, or like him, a visitor? “What about you? Are you alright?” had he even gone home? gotten some rest? 

She would have easily shrugged off his words if it weren’t for the fact that he made his own seem less. “–No. You have so much to live for, and I truly hope you and Emma are alright and unhurt.” it was true, he had Emma. He would have a family, soon enough they’ll have two kids of their own. That beach fairy tale was just that. A fairy tale; The reality was different, she had no one, hell, her own parents weren’t here when she woke up, so did it really matter if anything had happened to her?

“I saw many of my colleagues and students there. Any word on them?” she asked. “The shooters? Are they–dead? In custody?”

Even though Xander was visibly angry at the woman, long legs brought him across the room so he could help her with her drink. The only reason he was angry in the first place was because she had put herself in harm's way for his sake. She had, quite literally, taken a bullet for him so, while he was angry, he couldn’t be too angry at her. She had somehow managed to fight her way to life and survive the bullet. He grabbed the bottle of water and handed it to the girl who looked more broken than he had ever remembered seeing her. 

“She was” he bobbed his head in a nod as he carefully took a seat on the edge of the bed. Far enough away that he wouldn’t shift her and hurt her more than she already was “She was in H&M- far away from the,” he paused, light eyes glancing away. The entire event was traumatizing for everyone involved but her most of all. At least that was how he saw it. Other’s might think their injured or killed loved ones were the most substantial loss. All of it was substantial but it would always hit closer to home when it happened to someone you know- love “Me?” he almost wanted to laugh but he couldn’t. Not then. Maybe not for a while “I’m fine” he was far from it but that wasn’t something they needed to concern themselves with now. 

Alexander shook his head as she continued on, trying his hardest to snap at her like he usually would on any other day if she were talking like that. “And you don’t?” he asked, head cocked so he could look at her. She had looked better- her skin paler than he ever remembered it being, bag under her eyes. He couldn’t imagine how she felt then but he was angry. Angry at her for being stupid, angry at himself for putting her in that position. Angry at the world for doing this to them “They’re dead. One shot the other... he finished himself” Which was probably a better option. That kid never would have seen the light of day again if he had been taken into custody.

“Anything you need, Mads, just say the word. I’ll be here as long as yours stuck in here”

The voices continued fading in and out and before she knew it, she felt movement. It felt like she was having some sort of outer body experience because while she felt and heard the things going on around her, it also felt like a world away. What if this was some sort of out of body experience? But then, wouldn’t that mean she’s dead? And if so, would she still feel the pain? And suddenly, there was this white light that only grew brighter and brighter and she wasn’t sure how to shield her eyes from the light;

“Good morning baby, time to get up.” He looked so peaceful so waking him up felt like a sin. Something she shouldn’t be doing, and allowing him the peace–but if it wasn’t her, then Quinn would be jumping on him in no time. Leaning in, she kissed the tip of his nose before nudging her own nose against him. “You have approximately seven and a half minutes before Quinn jumps on you and asks for story time.” a grunt was heard on his end and that caused her to smile, but it was enough to have him open his eyes. “Finally, now wake up, we have plans!”  

“I liked it better when you were waking me up with kisses.” came his own response, and again, all she could do was smile. “We have every morning for that, but right now breakfast is going to get cold and the beach is waiting for us.” they had planned this out the night before, but Quinn was the one most excited for this beach trip. She said it would give her a chance to talk the baby through swimming once she learned. 

And as if right on time, the door to their room burst open revealing the the seven year old with two pig tails. “Daddy! Daddy! wake up!” came her excited cheers before she hopped onto the bed and climbed right on top of Xander. Maddie could only laugh at the sight as he rolled over so that he was now looking up at the girl. “I thought you said I had seven minutes.” he teased before reaching out to tickle the young girl. Screams of laughter filled the room and Maddie had to grab her phone to record this moment. It was a beautiful sight, to see the man she loved, happy with their small family. That’s all she’s ever wanted, and to think that she had waited so long to achieve this was her own fault. 

A bark was heard suddenly as their growing pup joined them on the bed. “No Oscar! Off, I just washed the sheets.”  as the laughter died down, her husband spoke up once more. “–No, we’re not naming him Oscar. His name’s Oz. Right?”  A cheer was heard from their daughter and the dog barked as if agreeing to it. “That’s it, you’re definitely sleeping out back tonight.” her voice was stern but she was only joking. 

“Let’s go, let’s go. Quinn, did you pack your bag with extra towels?” and as expected a shake of her head in response. “Go pack up and i’ll double check. Don’t wanna miss out on the waves do you?” she questioned and with that being said, she was hurrying off the bed and into her room. “Here, eat.” she was ready to grab the tray of breakfast when Xander had reached for her hand to pull her back. A soft smile played across his lips, and my God, that had to be the best sight she’s ever seen. “I love you, you know that right?” he asked and all she could do was lean in to kiss him in response. His hand trailed down to her stomach, rubbing her carefully. “I love you, and that’s why you have to wake up–” 

Her brows furrowed in confusion as she sat up to look at him, because she was awake so what did he mean? “Wake up, or this–” he gestured towards her pregnant belly “–can’t happen.” It’s as if she had lost her voice to question what he meant. Instead she heard a steady beep. It was consistent and while she wanted to ask what was happening, the beeping was only growing louder. The room–her bedroom she was in was going out of focus and the warmth that surrounded her was becoming much colder. 

And just like that, her eyes shot open, and the pain was much more apparent. The room she was in had been dark and it was cold, which explained why her dream had turned chilly, and the beeping from the monitors explained the beeping in her dream. Her vision was much more blurry, and the room she was being held in was empty; She didn’t have to ask what was going on because she remembered everything that had happened. Xander was safe, and she was– well, she was okay, but also alone. 

The sleep was much too strong to fight, so when the door to her room opened, she couldnt’ tell who had walked in since her eyes were barely focused. She assumed it may have been the doctor, or a nurse to check in on her and instead of asking about Xander, the only thing that came out of her mouth woudln’t have made sense to anyone. “We’re naming him Oscar.” Before she had a chance to explain what she meant or even focus on the person that had walked in, she found herself succumbing to the sleep that was overtaking her. 

It felt like just yesterday that she was finishing her Christmas shopping, so when she opened her eyes to the light covered room, it was a reminder that it had been yesterday. The dull pain was still apparent, but she was less sleepy. No, she wanted to make sure everyone was okay. Maxine, Chris, Xander, they were all there. Her movements were much too slow but she tried sitting up only to let out a hiss when she couldn’t exactly sit up just now. “Shit.” defeated, she lay back down and wondered how long would it take for anyone to come into the room. She needed her phone just then; And water, she needed a lot of water;

Xander would have loved to say he had been with her every second she was out but that would have been a lie. He rode with her to the hospital- waited those agonizing hours as she was in the operating room with a team of people trying to keep her alive, Emma by his side the entire time. She didn’t really understand their relationship, how they were still so close to one another after all this time. He wasn’t sure if he could really explain it himself, nor was it a conversation he wanted to get into because she didn’t need to know about the details of what Maddie meant to him. It was complicated and a little messy but mostly, it was personal. 

He had left. He had to in order to take Emma home after Madison was brought to a room to begin her recovery after she was given the clear and he was informed that she had gotten through the worst of it. He wasn’t there when she had woken up, passed the doctor who had attended to her on his way back in with a much-needed cup of coffee in hand. His heart broke a little knowing she had woken up to an empty room with no one around her. 

Green eyes landed on the woman, her complexion still pale, her hair dull- she looked like she had gone through hell and back and he was sure she had. A smile formed on his face as he stood in the doorway just looking at the woman he loved- would always love no matter where they were in life. She was breathing, she was awake, and she was still full of that light that always seemed to radiate off of her. Even now her presence filled the entire room like a beacon calling him towards her “You look good” he commented with a teasing tone, stepping into the room as he got her attention. 

He walked across, grabbing the chair he had been in earlier and pulling it closer to her bedside “I would have brought you a coffee too but I wasn’t sure when you’d be waking up. Emma needed to head out” he paused, placing his cup on the table beside her and wrapping his warm hand around hers. He squeezed, maybe a little too tight, letting his motions speak words he couldn’t. Telling her in their silence how worried he had been despite the grin on his face- how he felt himself die twenty times over thinking about her laying on that cold, metal, surgery table. How much he loved and needed her to stay. His hands were still stained with her blood, his coat and jeans the same as he sat there contemplating the past twenty-four hours and how much had changed in that time “You’re an idiot, you know that right? Don’t you ever put your life over mine again, you hear me?”