The ceremony started in an hour and somehow, Xander had found himself in a situation he had been trying to avoid for months. His hands gripped the back of her neck keeping the woman who he was not marrying in place as he kissed her hard. A kiss that was more like a goodbye than anything. At least, that was the intention. He couldn’t even remember when the line between best friends and lovers had been crossed but in that moment, he didn’t really care. In that moment he was completely hers. 

Without a thought, he found himself helping her. Pushing his pants down just enough before his hands moved to her ass so he could hoist her up. This probably should have been proof that he wasn’t ready to get married but that thought hadn’t really crossed his mind as her back was on the wall and her pretty black dress was being hiked up.

It truly felt like a dream-- she’d be damned if this were a dream, but she didn’t want to wake up. She didn’t want to pull away to make sure it was real, and as he hoisted her up, she quickly wrapped her legs around his waist, her hands trailing down his neck and onto his shoulder to brace herself. As her back hit the wall lightly, she eased her hold on him just enough so she wouldn’t leave any marks. He wasn’t hers and she had to remind herself. Ironically it wasn’t a good enough of a reminder considering her lips were still attached to his own. Her teeth pulling at his lower lip, and if she bit down any harder it was sure to leave it swollen. Maybe a part of her wanted to mark him and that was a selfish decision. But were they not being selfish right now? Together?

He was getting married and she was going to support him. That was the plan, be the best supportive friend she could be. So how did she find herself pushing him back against the wall, with her lips pressed against his. She was just there to congratulate him, start off on a clean slate, yet once the door to his room was shut, she found herself aching for him, and he reciprocated her feelings because he sure as hell didn’t push her away. All moral ethics were out the window as her hand shakily unbuttoned his shirt. He was so damn good looking and he wasn’t even fully ready yet. He could have been hers, but fate didn’t see it that way.

He didn’t understand why she had to make this so complicated for them. Would she really rather lose every messy piece of history they had together than to squash it and allow them to shift back into a comfortable friendship? “You’re acting like a fucking brat” he ran his hand over his mouth and jawline, eyes diverting from her to scan the crowd once again. This wasn’t really the time or place to have a conversation like this “I want you to be done with this- whatever the hell this his” His voice was still hushed, anyone with a set of eyes could see there was some sort of tension “If you didn’t want to be here why did you bother showing up?”

“Don’t” he started, voice hushed as he glanced around to make sure listening ears weren’t paying them much attention. He didn’t want to make a scene but he didn’t want whatever was happening here to end in the two of them ending a lifelong friendship, even though most of it was his own fault. With a sigh, he leaned against the bar, gaze shifting to her once more “Don’t start acting like this” he was undeniably annoyed by the way she was acting already. They had both made the mistake they had made “Emma wants you here because you’re important to me” That wasn’t a lie, Maddie was important to him. Emma just didn’t know how important. “And I want you here, Maddie” he continued on, shifting so he could face her “I fuckin’ miss you”

It was strange, he would admit it, to have Maddie around for this celebration after everything that had happened between them. They both knew (at least he had hoped) that being together had been a mistake and Xander had spent a good amount of time avoiding her. Much too long. It was Emma’s idea to invite Madeline and he couldn’t say no- if anything it would have raised more suspicion when it came to the two of them and where their relationship was so an invite was sent to her, begrudgingly.

As the night progressed his eyes couldn’t help but find her every once in a while, stealing glances every chance he could get as he made his rounds and did what hosts did “I call shenanigans” Xan tutted his tongue against the roof of his mouth, trying to keep things between them casual “How are you Mads?”

He had to be joking right? Was he seriously asking her how she was? Did he care? Yes, she was still very very bitter towards him so if he was expecting some casual response, he was wrong. However, this was his engagement party and while she should have been happy for him, she couldn’t keep herself from expressing that sentiment. Instead of responding, she poured herself another glass before leaning back against the counter. Eyes were trained on him while she pulled the glass up to her lips to take a sip. Mentally she was  just counting down to how long it would take before he dropped the act and either asked her to leave, or walked away. 

--Because this was normal right? Talk about feelings, get ignored, only to show up at the man you love’s house while he publicly announces his engagement with another woman once more. Except she had no other excuse but to show up, so while the wine was being passed around, she had helped herself to her third glass. She was aiming for her fourth glass but she needed something stronger and since she knew his place like the back of her hand, she excused herself from the group just to help herself to the liquor that was usually stashed in one of the cabinets. Maybe she should just take it and leave, place a sorry note for taking the liquor and pay him back--- never? She was still bitter, but could she be blamed? Deep down, yes she could. For now, she was just going to drink.

When she heard the footsteps behind her, she replaced the frown with a smile and turned to greet the person that had decided to follow her. “I think you were out of wine, so just helping myself to something stronger.” 

“Madeline” Her name fell of his tongue with a sharp hiss, the anger he was feeling still evident. It didn’t matter that they wanted- what they felt- the both of them knew this wouldn’t work. They had been down this road before and it did work so what was the point in trying again? Not when he had a life waiting and ready for him. Being in love with two vastly different women was complicated “I’ve made my choice and it isn’t you. If that means you walk away from our friendship then I guess that’s the price I have to pay. It wouldn’t be the first time you did” he snapped back “If that’s all I have to do to end this, then goodbye, Maddie” In silence he turned on his heal, shutting the door behind him after entering his house once more.

His words were harsh, that much was obvious by the hurt expression on her face. “We were kids then, we were young and we didn’t know what life would have brought us.” she stated in her defense, which wasn’t a lie either. If they hadn’t worked out then, would they had still been friends now? If they had decided to screw things up in the past, wouldn’t it affect them now? “Damn it Xander!” she slammed her hand against the door just as he shut it on her face. “You know we would have screwed it up before if we had decided to do this! And you know just as well that you’re going to screw yourself over if you marry her now.” She found herself slamming her hand against his door once more and the cold didn’t help either. There were tears forming in her eyes, to know that she had just lost him either way. “And you know what? If I had walked away from this -- us -- last time, that was on me but this time, it’s on you!” and yet she still found herself at the door, just yelling because a part of her knew he’d listen and she wasn’t finished. “You are not getting off that easy. I know there was more to it than just this and I know you felt it too that night. You wouldn’t have kissed me-- not like that, so you can pretend and fuck things over, or you can finally come to terms with it. If losing me is the price you’re ready to accept then why the hell did you try and save me that day at the mall? Why weren’t you off with the woman you love instead of walking straight into the cross fire?”