A STORY JEN AND I WROTE TOGETHER pt. 2
Phil Wan was just your normal adult. Wake up, brush teeth, go to work, play video games at home, and sleep. Occasionally he would go out with his friends to be social, but as time went on he realized that it was easier to just stay at home and talk to everyone online instead.
One day, he matched with someone on Tinder and they wanted to meet up in person. “Omg omg omg,” he thought. Phil also hadn’t had any female interaction in weeks. He had to prepare. Phil was shook. He wasn’t used to going outside anymore. He wondered if his skin could take it. He opened his blinds to reveal the sun. It wasn’t so bad. Then he looked at his skin– it was green! GREEN!
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? Phil wasn’t sure but it made him panic even more. “Maybe it’s not that bad,” he thought as he ran into the bathroom to check the mirror he never looked in because it was caked in toothepaste gunk. He wiped away the toothpaste gunk and flushed it down the toilet. Looked into the mirror and saw his face was green too. Panicking, he called one of his old friends, Axel Wang.
“He’s the most metrosexual guy I know,” Phil thought, “Surely he can fix my appearance.“
“Phil. I haven’t heard from you in two years. What do you want?”
A little socially awkward from not physically talking outloud in so long, Phil tried explaining his problem to Axel. Luckily two years was like two days for the two good friends.
"Oh OK. So you need to get laid, but your green will make them afraid. Rub this lotion on you with a PS4 game as a loofah, and take a bath in nesquick. Guaranteed to make you not be green anymore!”
“That sound’s a little weird,” Phil responded. But he was desperate so he thanked Axel and got to work…. -half an hour later- “Ahhh, time to check my skin!” Phil looked in the mirror and welp, the green was gone, but now his skin was POOP BROWN
Now he just looks Indian. Thankfully his Tinder date happened to be Indian! He gets to the date and asks her what part of India she’s from and she replies “I’M NOT INDIAN. I’M FROM NATIVE AMERICAN YOU TRASHCAN,“ she yelled and threw her entire meal at Phil
Phil left the date dejected. Thankfully he found another date on Tinder by swiping right. This one went a lot better and they agreed to meet up again.
He met up with this girl and she ACTUALLY was Indian so they have a wonderful conversation about where each of them were from. But she acted a bit weird… Every time she drank water steam would come out from the top of her head…. TURNS OUT SHE WAS A ROBOT
He ran away from her but he could hear her singing "WHERE ARE YOU? AND I’M SO SORRY” And so Phil never listened to blink 182 ever again But he happily enjoyed every other emo kid song from 2008 for the rest of his life. He also realized being single was fine. He just needed himself and his secret green skin.
yousharknotpass
2087
blakekathryn
