UM?

Just the vocal delivery on its own is funny every time

Tis the season once more, witches!

Today my Advanced Clinical Pathology professor trailed off in the middle of class and said, “If I seem distracted, it’s because last night I was talking with a friend and she asked ‘Who’s that chick in Titanic?’ but all I heard was ‘Chicken Titanic,’ and ever since then I’ve been thinking about a chicken on the bow of the Titanic like Kate Winslet, wings held high. It’s all I can think about.”

If a beautiful woman invited me into her home only to reveal she could stretch her neck out to python lengths like some sort of human slinky I would simply vibe with her about it instead of running out screaming like an asshole.

If a beautiful woman loved me and married me and made me promise not to touch the green ribbon she conspicuously wears on her neck literally all the time I would simply respect her wishes and not discover that she was actually some sort of dullahan in disguise.

If a beautiful woman invited me into her home only to reveal she was a giant spider from the waist down and wanted to inject digestive enzymes into my body that melt all my organs into an easily consumed slurry I would merely nod and thank her for making my last moments as pleasant as possible.

If a beautiful woman loved me and married me and one day was taking a bath and I needed something from the bathroom and asked if I could come in only to find out she was part sea-serpent and couldn't hide that fact while submerged in water, I'd tell her I still love her and also figure out how we could go swimming without other people seeing her because jokes on you folklore I'm into that shit.

If I wandered into a beautiful woman's dilapidated temple home on the banks of the river styx and looked at her lovely face only to notice her hair was actually several dozen writhing snakes I'd

Callie and Marie's little orange suits! So cute!