American Otaku

You ever notice sometimes, the feeling of being alone? not everybody experiences it mind you. but, there are times. during a commercial break from watching a show, in the middle of certain tasks, or even as your driving cause you’ve forgotten to turn the radio on and your brain in the silence that exists reminds you of the lack of individuals that reside in your space. your space doesn’t even necessarily mean the physical space. sometimes the lack of any and all conversation can bring these feelings on. you log into your snapchat to realize that the only “new” messages are the ones you haven’t read yet. or you pull up your kik to see that every message you’ve sent has been read, but nobody has bothered to reply. its basically an emotion, something that you feel, in certain circumstances it can cause a very heavy feeling of depression. other times its more subtle, not enough to cause you great emotional strain, but just enough for your psyche to realize. you’re alone. whether thats a more temporary state for some, a common occurance for others, or just a permanent thought that sticks with you. you go to work to be alone, you come home to be alone, sometimes you feel it even when you’re with other people. its not that they don’t exist in your world per say, just that their interaction with you doesn’t.........fill you with a feeling of coexistance. i’m sure i’m saying that wrong but its the only thing that my mind can think of that matches how it feels. when you’re sitting there, it could be with a friend, a lover, or somebody who’s talking to you. and regardless of the conversation, you just feel like the world has passed you by and there isn’t really anybody there to even notice that you are, that you exist. and so we seclude ourselves. me? i’m more of a lights off netflix/video games sort of person when i experience these things. most would say i should channel these feelings into something creative............i think thats what this is. just blotting out what my brain comes up with word for word, not skipping a beat. its kind of funny really. when i decide to write these things out i have to stop thinking of what to say, because i dont want to come across as ungenuine or too carefull with my choice of words, or even spelling (as some of you might notice) guess thats what happens when ur alone with your thoughts too long, you start to discuss things with yourself.

I could write essays about isolation. about how the sheer lack of another individual can drive one insane. or how it leaves one with a strange sense of serenity. whether its peaceful to let nothingness take over, or a combination of emotions as your mind ponders every little thing. memories that have passed, possibilities of the future, theories on life and the necessity of it’s struggles. How one can come to resign oneself to a life filled with what seems like meaningless tasks. to get up every day set on a task. they say insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different outcomes. does that mean we are all insane? I think it’s safe to say that this world is insane already but thats not something i’m here to try to solve with my opinion. i’m just here to vomit out the words that my brain comes up with in the late hours of night and early hours of the morning, when the body is tired but unable to achieve sleep. or in the middle of the day when you get a moment to yourself, whether that moment is used to clear your head of all conscious thought or to look deep into yourself is ones own personal journey. At this point i’d like to point out this message has no real point. Just something to read and think about. Cause some of us have these thoughts. Most don’t because we are too blinded by the insignificant dealings of our day to day to really question the most basic things in life. I’m not saying i know the answer (it’s probably 42) but i’ve spent more than enough time thinking about it and just wishing that i had somebody here to break the monotony of these analytical thoughts, or even to discuss and have a different perspective to appreciate. sometimes you just take for granted the simple things, like having a friend who wants to spend time with you, whether thats one hour on the couch watching tv, 5 hours in a car on an adventure or just 15 minutes cause they had the extra time and wanted to let you know that you weren’t forgotten. cause the sad truth that i’m struggling to accept is that everything we do will be forgotten, we aren’t the writters of history books, we aren’t the political figures that will change the world. the most that we can hope for is to be somebody that provides something meaningful for another individual in the short time span that we call our lives. and yes most of us are going to expect some form of monetary or emotional gain from these actions but in the end....well i guess its human nature to want something in return for everything. me? well i’ll be lucky if 5 people even read this. and even if they do i’m sure you can agree its not something so profound that it deserves to be shared. i guess all that i want from this is some form of acknowledgement. that in my time on this planet that i won’t be forgotten. but forgive my pessimism when i say that i know i will be, its in the destiny of people like me, i won’t bore you with the details of my life cause its pointless, i just want you to know that i hope and i pray for each and every one of you that you can find some form of true happyness in your own life that can last longer then........eh you can put your own time frame in the blank.