I just need someone who can really understand the person I am…. and It’s not gonna happen. I know it to be true. It’s too much to expect anyone to handle. It’s unfair. but goddamn I wish it would. All I ever get is lied to and mislead thinking I can trust again, but that ain’t true. I even think I’m getting lied to when that shit is true. I’m conflicted. I can’t control my thoughts. I can’t even hear your voices anymore. They’re getting cancelled out by the chaos inside my mind cuz I’m starting not to give a shit about who’s true to me anymore. Who’s still loyal? I think I’d rather just pull away from everyone so I don’t have to figure it out anymore. I’m consumed by stress and it’s hidden behind smiles and natural finesse. I’m so tired yet no amount of sleep helps. People exhaust me to the point where I’ve become addicted to loneliness because of how peaceful it is. I’m tired of worrying about everyone knowing I’m not thought of until I’m needed… or wanted…for something… for anything. I’m losing my shit and no one knows it cuz I don’t get asked, so I don’t tell. Just let me fade away, ok? I know it’s what is wanted. I ask too much. I know. I don’t ask for anything. I know that too.where the Fuck am I going with this? I don’t fuckin know…. I’m lost just like you. My social life ain’t perfect, I get played too. I probably get played more than you do. I probably still am. I’m not really sure if I give a Fuck by who. Not really sure if I’m capable of it. I am. I’m just tired of giving fucks away to people cuz they’re never returned unless it’s cuz they want something or a fantasy fulfilled it seems. Fuck it, I’m good with that. I’m good. I’m great. No I fuckin ain’t. It’s OK. I’ll be OK. I AM ok. Fuck out my face, I need to meditate for a few years straight.
I feel this all the time man. Lonliness has become my one true friend.
