wxnderluxe

“I’m not really sure how this is going to go down.”

“She’s being shy.”

“Have you guys fought at all?”

“So you already had a fight?”

“It was not a fight.”

“Who was the fight between?”

“I enjoy when bitches tell me what their weaknesses are.”

“I don’t know anybody.”

“It is a brand new day, and we have a new challenge coming our way.”

“Are you tone deaf?”

“Do you have two left feet?”

“Do you suffer from an over inflated sense of self?”

“Well, charisma and uniqueness can only take you so far.”

“So, let’s get down to business.”

“And by business I mean, y'know…”

“So, let’s get down to business. And by business I mean, y'know…”

“Well, I guess it pays to advertise.”

“I want you to step forward.”

“Shady! Boots! Shady boots!”

“Come with me.”

“Shady, shady!”

“Awkward!”

“Honestly, I’m unbothered.”

“I’ve watched you on TV for a long time.”

“Just based off first impressions.”

“Losing is the new winning.”

“Surprise, surprise!”

“Who’s left?”

“Let’s see what we got.”

“She comes across as shy, and kind of aloof.”

“She’s like a lost little puppy, God bless her soul.”

“I think we got to pick up this load, and we got to carry it on our backs and we got to carry it to the finish line.”

“People called me that a lot growing up.”

“It’s kind of like a reality show within a reality show.”

“Like the turducken of reality shows.”

“It’s really meta.”

“And then we have the bad apple.”

“We’re approaching eighty.”

“I think I’ll be able to lead the group to make sure we don’t get too off track.”

“Let’s back it up real quick.”

“I have in school.”

“Never say no to anything.”

“You don’t say that.”

“Always think of the body first.”

“I say we play to our strengths.”

“I’ll be drunk.”

“I’m the sexy one.”

“Kinda wacky, aren'tcha?”

“You know you have the hair of El DeBarge?”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“I’ve done it in my language.”

“Even though it seems unstructured, it is structured.”

“I would never picture you three together.”

“Odd is where it’s at.”

“I can’t wait to see what you do with it.”

“You know that’s a terrible name, right?”

“It’s terrible, it’s awful.”

“I taught them well.”

“You are a character.”

“Say it one more time, just say they heard you.”

“They heard me.”

“I’m going to expose them for exactly who they are.”

“You had a choice of any team to go to. Why’d you choose this team?”

“Do you need an emotional core?”

“I would feel more comfortable with the apple.”

“I don’t know why she’s doing this! But I’m not about to take this orange!”

“You have this tendency to second guess what you do.”

“Right now it’s apples and oranges, and I want that apple.”

“I want that apple. Give me the apple!”

“Thank you for being here.”

“I love salsa!”

“I think [Name] is dead…”

“Where am I?”

“What a world? To think that my dreams would come true and I’d die in the same moment!”

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

“It’s hard to stand out as a corpse.”

“I had to eat rocks.”

“I had to use sticks as tampons.”

“What do you do exactly?”

“And this is barbecue sauce.”

“And I swallowed! I mean, taste test!”

“Careful! Don’t bust that nut!”

“Get those nut butters away from my face!”

“Do you wanna taste it?”

“I want to taste just a little.”

“Are there squirrel juices in this?”

“Is it organic?”

“I have three years of English. She has twenty eight.”

“Can I see this squirrel up close?”

“I ain’t gonna bullshit with you. I’m scared. I’m terrified.”

“The judge said either take this job or go to traffic school.”

“I hate traffic school.”

“It’s a bunch of fruits.”

“We’re gay.”

“We’re super gay.”

“I’m not looking polished, and it’s throwing my whole game off.”

“I smell a real big stinker coming on.”

“I’d like to start off with a little joke.”

“Kids love the joke.”

“Enough!”

“You know why I’m here, and I’m going to expose you!”

“The world is going to see them for exactly who they are.”

“There’s not enough doctors to keep me down!”

“Nobody. Likes. Broccoli!”

“Food fight!”

“Don’t bruise the fruit!”

“Are you thirsty? Because I’ve got some fruit punch.”

“I’m surprised at you! I thought you were gay this whole time.”

“That settles it. You’re not gay!”

“And all of a sudden, lightning struck us.”

“Can worst be a three way tie?”

“I want to know a little more about you.”

“What’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Quick!”

“Should I slap you?”

“I’ve seen all I need to see.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“I don’t agree with this, at all.”

“I feel like I’m constantly fighting this battle of being the weak link.”

“You give me very, like, only child energy.”

“I think a subtle eight inches is good, don’t you think?”

“She’ll poke your eye out. Watch out.”

“I demand a recount!”

“Actually, it was pink eye, but that’s a whole other story.”

“She said it was nine inches long, but I think she’s lying.”

“Gerbils. They’re not just for anuses anymore.”

“Move over Polly Pocket. There’s a new doll in town.”

“The broccoli was just lost in the sauce.”

“Well, drive it around the block a few days and see how it works.”

“I saw the tip first and became very excited.”

“What did you call me?!”

“Oh my God, I’m so pissed.”

“Good luck, and don’t fuck it up.”

“I’m shocked by the outcome.”

GENERAL

“Can you walk?”

“How did this happen?”

“What the hell happened?”

“I hit my head.”

“Did you hit your head?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Don’t close your eyes, stay awake!”

“Come on, stay with me!”

“No no no no no!”

“You shot me!”

“I didn’t mean to shoot you!”

“You stabbed me!”

“I didn’t mean to stab you!”

“Take the knife out!”

“Don’t take the knife out!”

“It was an accident!”

“That/this wasn’t an accident!”

“That looks broken.”

“I think my leg/arm is broken.”

“That doesn’t look good.”

“Am I going to die?”

“You’re not going to die!”

“Calm down!”

“Don’t panic!”

“I can’t help you if you don’t let me!”

BLOOD

“Are you bleeding?”

“Don’t move, you’re bleeding.”

“Is that blood?”

“Whose blood is that?”

“That’s a lot of blood.”

“Do you know how to get bloodstains out?”

“Why do you know how to get bloodstains out?”

“Damn, I got blood on my shirt.”

“Don’t move, you’re losing blood!”

“I won’t let you bleed out!”

“You have blood on your face.”

“I swear to god, if you get blood on me…”

“What’s your blood type?”

“Why in the hell would you need to know my blood type?”

WOUNDS

“That cut is nasty.”

“You have a massive gash in your arm/leg!’

“Don’t touch it!”

“Don’t move, you’ll only make it worse!”

“I’ll get some bandages.”

“You’re going to need stitches.”

“That looks infected…”

“Did you get bit by something?”

“There’s no exit wound, the bullet is still in you.”

“There’s an exit wound, the bullet went through you.”

AFTERCARE

“How are you feeling?”

“How does it feel?”

“It’s still not healed, but it’s getting there.”

“Let’s go home.”

“I just want to go home.”

“Let’s get you into the bathtub.”

“We need to change your bandages soon.”

“Get some sleep, okay?”

“You need to eat something, you’ve been through a lot today.”

“I’ll check up on you in a bit.”

Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

at a party

“Woah, someone drank too much egg nog.”

“Look, I only came for the Christmas cookies.”

“So do I make a sexy Santa/elf/reindeer or what?”

“Merry Christmas! Let’s get wasted.”

“Is my outfit too festive/not festive enough?”

“Hey! Come on in, I’ll get you a drink.”

a grinch

“I can’t believe I’m all alone during the holidays.”

“Most wonderful time of the year, my ass.”

“I hate snow. And smiling children.”

“If I hear one more Christmas song, someone is getting strangled with tinsel.”

“The only thing good about Christmas is the candy canes.”

“Wow, that gingerbread house is…unique.”

“Egg nog is disgusting.”

anti-grinch

“I’ve had my tree up since November.”

“How could you not like the holidays?!”

“I’m going to shove a candy cane up my ass. I’m so excited!”

“Christmas is the only time of year when I’m stressed out AND receiving a bunch of gifts.”

“There’s NO way I’m going to lose the house decorating competition.”

“Christmas isn’t a holiday. It’s a way of life.”

presents

“What did you get me?” / “I’m not telling you! It’s a surprise.”

“I didn’t know what to buy you, so..I made you something…”

“You gave me the present that I gave to YOU last year?”

“It’s perfect…”

“Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“The only gift I want is stability and happiness. But this wrapping paper is pretty.”

“You just rip the paper right off?! You heathen.” / “You save the paper? Nerd.”

secret santa

“Ugh, I can’t believe I got ___ for secret santa.”

“I got ____!! What should I give him/her/them?”

“Who bought me socks? They’re plain white no-brand socks.”

“The limit was $20, people. Why do I see an iPhone?”

“I know who got me this. There’s only one person who knows me this well. It’s you.”

with friends

“I got us matching ugly sweaters.”

“Do you think I can fit these candy canes up my nose?”

“Merry Christmas, fuckers. I’m broke but at least I got you stuff.”

“This is really corny…but you’re already a gift to me.”

“I haven’t seen you in so long! Get over here and give me a hug.”

flirty

“Are you Santa? Because I’d sit on your lap.”

“Have I been naughty this year?”

“Oh, I’d ride in your sleigh.”

“Your eyes twinkle like tree lights.”

“All I want for Christmas is you.”

snow

“It’s snowing! That’s so perfect!”

“Great, now my flight is delayed…”

“How am I supposed to get home in this weather?”

“Baby, it’s cold outside…”

“Let’s have a snowball fight.”

no snow

“Why can’t we have a white Christmas?”

“It’s too hot for hot cocoa.”

“I wish I could wear a sweater without dying.”

“It’s nice to get away from all the cold.”

“The only ice I want to see is in a cold drink.”

knows nothing about other holidays

“So is it Jesus’s birthday?”

“Where did Santa even come from?”

“…Isn’t the tree a pagan tradition?”

“How do the deer fly?”

“This holiday sounds like it was made by someone on crack.”

“What’s a Hannukah?” / “What’s a Kwanzaa?”

“Is what I’m wearing okay?”

“Stop calling me a grinch! I’m not even Christian.”

hannukah

“Watch me shove all these latkes in my mouth.”

“You don’t know how to play with a dreidel?” / “Let me teach you the dreidel game.”

“See the menorah? It’s LIT.”

“Try the sufganiyot and you will forget about Christmas cookies.”

“Hannukah is the time of year when us Jews gather and decide the next step in taking over the world. At least that’s what that crazy guy from work told me.”

“Do these dreidel cake pops look Pinterest-y enough?”

“Christians get WAY too upset over Starbucks cups. I’ve never gotten a Hannukah Starbucks cup! You don’t see me rioting about it.”

“That’s not a dreidel…That’s a beyblade.”

kwanzaa

“Who needs one day of Christmas when I have a whole week of Kwanzaa?”

“See the kinara? It’s LIT.”

“I can’t go home until I buy a new kinara.”

“What do you think of the decorations? I think I need more African print.”

“How are we out of food? Kwanzaa is about the harvest!”

“I like Kwanzaa. It’s a holiday of principles.”

“It’s not a ‘made-up’ holiday. All holidays are made up.”

“Kinda wish the unity cup was filled with whiskey. And that I could drink all of it.”

misc.

“No matter the holiday, family time is always a bad idea.”

“This isn’t Pinterest-y enough!”

“Come on, let’s take a quick selfie. We never see each other.”

[...] it’s the amazing inventions that stem from Tony’s mind. Tomorrow’s dreams made real.

Stiles Lacrosse Aesthetic

Made for Lacrosse Week! Just in case I don’t get time to actually write something, I wanted to contribute somehow :)

Tagging @sarcasticallystilinski and @rememberstilinski

                              ‘i’ve been doomed from the start.

                                                                 everything around me

                                     falls apart so

                                                      quickly.’