What Would Pope Boniface VIII Do?

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Technically, you count as a personal floatation device.

Know how to explain what you do and what your mission is in fifteen seconds or less. Brevity is the soul of wit, and you have productivity updates to submit.

Security cameras are in place to ensure crew safety. You do not need to know anything else about them.

Seek external validation. Your A.I. and superior officers are better judges of your character than you are.

If it can’t be said nicely, it shouldn’t be said at all – especially if saying it won’t save your life anyway.

When you need an extra minute to think in a group setting, propose a riddle. We recommend: “I start and end with a T and that’s all I have in me.”

It is inadvisable to attempt non-regulation maneuvers because you “saw it in a movie once.”

Technically, you count as a personal floatation device.

The generic space suit helmets are just as good as the brand-name ones.

Do not sacrifice resources in the name of creature comforts.

There is nothing more damaging to ship safety and integrity than an improperly placed deployer.

In the extremely unlikely case that you find yourself tempted to fraternize with one of your fellow crew members, remember the story of Romeo and Juliet. Specifically, remember Shakespeare’s sentimental biases in the telling of that story, and how underrated the values of the Montagues are.

Do not operate any machinery, weaponry, or navigational equipment which you are not type-rated for. It is gauche.

The games of Jeopardy and Lethal Jeopardy have exactly one thing in common: the winner is usually the person who’s quickest on the draw.

Seek external validation. Your A.I. and superior officers are better judges of your character than you are.