FATE

“i think i’m too drunk to change my clothes, can you help me?” jake asked, clearly teasing you because he was able to walk easily and his words weren’t slurred. his movements were a bit abnormal, but he was capable of changing his own clothes.

“you just want an excuse for me to undress you.” you giggled, reaching into his closet for a new shirt and pants. jake let out a disappointed huff before pulling his shirt over his head. you handed him the shirt and sweatpants.

“i’m going to get you water, ill be right back.” you said before kissing his forehead and walking over to the door. jake let out a whine, wanting you to stay even though you’d only be gone for five seconds. when you came back, jake was sprawled across the bed, his smile widening at the sight of you. putting down the drink, you joined jake on the bed, squealing when he nearly crushed you in a hug.

“i never want to let you go ever again. i love you so much. like, so so much.” jake mumbled, kissing the top of your head. you turned to face him, being met with his lips on yours. jake began to kiss you harder and you let out a gasp when he slid his hands under your shirt.

“jakeee…” you groaned against his mouth, pushing him away slightly. the boy bit his lip to hold back a smile, finding your flustered reaction amusing.

“i’m not that drunk, you don’t have to be hesitant.” he spoke up, a teasing smile on his face. you rolled your eyes, placing a hand over his mouth when he tried to kiss you again.

“aren’t you tired? jay told me that you were falling asleep on the way home.” you asked, not stopping jake when he began to kiss your neck. you could never resist his affection, it was too addicting.

“seeing you gives me energy.” jake replied, lifting his head to meet your eyes. even though he wanted to have his hands all over you, he also wanted to make sure that you were comfortable before doing so.

“okay lover boy, less talking more kissing.” you giggled, pulling him back into a heated kiss.

you —

“did she drink this whole soju bottle?” riki asked with wide eyes, holding up the empty drink in his hand. jake looked at you and sighed, nodding his head. the three of you were hanging out in the boys’ dorm, having a mario kart tournament and jake brought drinks for you and him. riki tried to steal a couple of sips from jake’s bottle but the older boy’s reflexes were quicker.

“that shit works fast.” you groaned, draping yourself over jake’s lap.

“if you throw up, pls do it away from me.” riki mumbled, his eyes still focused on the game. he was playing single player since jake decided to keep his attention on you. he wasn’t sure what you were like drunk but he knew that you didn’t need to drink anything else. you tried to take more of his soju as well but he gently pushed your hand away.

“why are you so mean to me?” you whined, roughly rubbing your hands over your eyes. you managed to spread your mascara around your face, causing jake to laugh at your new look.

“i think it’s time for you to go to bed.” jake spoke up, slowly lifting you off of the floor. you groaned, holding your head as he pulled you up.

“i’m gonna get her ready for bed. don’t take any of the drinks.” jake said to riki, giving the younger boy a glare when he eyed the soju bottle. riki raised his hands in mock surrender, trying(but failing) to hide his smirk.

as soon as jake led you to the bathroom, he helped you to sit on the counter. he didn’t happen to have any makeup wipes laying around, so jake took regular wipes and started cleaning your face off.

“did you know…that my boyfriend is like super super gorgeous?” you asked, your eyes beginning to flutter from how tired you were. jake chuckled, tossing out the used wipe before cleaning your face properly. the gesture was sweet and it was cute to see how focused he was. jake always tried his best to make sure you were as comfortable as you could be.

“oh is he now?” he played along, knowing that you just had too much to drink.

“definitely. he has really cute eyes and his lips…don’t get me started i might say something inappropriate.” you giggled, a hiccup following right after. jake tried his best not to laugh, his face heating up a bit from the way you talked about him.

“and his smile…ugh he’s just so pretty and sexy and cute and hot and adorable it makes my head hurt.” you groaned, looking up at jake with a pout.

“he sounds like a wonderful person.” jake said, a small smile on his face.

“heh— i’m talking about you, yunnie. i’m not that drunk i know that you’re my boyfriend, silly.” you giggled. your slurred words and wobbly body suggested that you were a hundred percent not yourself, but jake was glad that you could at least tell who he was.

“well then thank you for the compliments, my love.” jake replied, leaning forward to kiss your lips. you giggled against his mouth, feeling extremely giddy around him. you usually felt like a love sick teenager whenever you were together, but the alcohol seemed to amplify those feelings.

“i love you so much, my pretty boy.”

“i love you more, baby.”

©neos127

As you lean into him, seeking solace in his embrace, you feel his warm breath tickle your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. His lips brush against the delicate curve of your earlobe as he whispers softly, "I don't like your new shampoo."

You can't help but laugh at his words, "How'd you know?" you ask, turning your head slightly to catch a glimpse of his expression.

"It doesn't smell like you anymore," he replies, his lips pouted. "I miss the way your old shampoo smelled on you. It was... familiar."

You can't help but smile at his confession, touched by his attention to such small details. "Well, I can always switch back if it bothers you that much," you offer.

Jake tightens his hold around you, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "No, it's okay. I'll get used to it," he murmurs, his voice low and husky, "Besides, it's not about the shampoo. It's about you. I love you, no matter what scent you wear."

That's it. You despised Shim Jake with every fiber of your being. The one-sided hatred towards him was nothing new. Ever since first grade, you harbored a dislike for him. It wasn't just about his grades, which always seemed to outshine yours, but also the way he looked at you, causing your heart to flutter uncomfortably. You detested that feeling intensely. Stupid Jake, for eliciting such emotions within you. He shouldn't have been your seatmate or even your classmate in the first place. On the first day of school, the teacher assigned him to sit next to you, and he hadn't changed seats all the way through high school. His way of speaking, smiling, and his sweet, bubbly personality only fueled your anger, exacerbating those irritating feelings.

And then there was Jake again. Did he leave a love letter in your backpack? Indeed, he did. Did you expect him to confess his feelings? Not at all. He was just a classmate, nothing more. But deep down, you felt yourself melting and screaming. Yet, the letter was written so beautifully that your heart skipped a beat each time you reread those words for the hundredth time. You kept it in your diary, rereading it as time passed.

"I have always liked you! Even though you've threatened to punch me in the face multiple times, I still like you." In disbelief, you looked at him, blinking five times. Did he really say that? Did he make you stop in the middle of the sidewalk and face him? After a while, was he following you? Sure, he did. Stupid Jake with his nice voice. It seriously made you want to punch him, yet at the same time, hug him tightly and squeeze the life out of him for being so cute.

"I like you too, Jake, but I still want to punch you." Jake's lips formed a smile, the kind you loved to see so often.

Jake had developed a new habit of taking your hand in his and playing with your fingers. Even now, as you both watched a movie at his house, you struggled to focus on the screen. You wanted to punch him for distracting you, but those stupid feelings intervened. The heat in your face didn't help; it only made you more flustered. Always blushing and stuttering when talking to him. Even though you'd been together for months now, he still made your heart pound loudly. As his lips drew closer to your face, you felt yourself slowly drifting away from reality. He left a small kiss on your cheek, a giggle escaping his lips as he observed your flustered state. It wasn't new to him to see you react that way, but he loved teasing you about it.

Your heart melted once again. Jake took you out to watch fireworks together by the river. He hugged you from behind with his head on your shoulder and his hands around your waist. The night breeze brushed against your face. It was a lovely feeling, despite the occasional squabbles between you two. He was your little sunshine, secretly brightening your days.

"I swear, Jake, I will punch you," you threatened, only for him to burst into laughter. The whipped cream on your face made you look too comical, and he couldn't take you seriously.

Jake convinced you to do a TikTok trend with him. At first, you thought it would be fun, but with whipped cream smeared all over your face, glaring at Jake said otherwise.

"Wow, you're so scary," he laughed, pulling out his phone to take a picture of you.

it had only been a few seconds but somehow, your lips were already missing the warmth of his own on yours.

“n-no”—stupid stutter—you denied through chattering teeth as the rest of your body began to shiver.

“really,” he said in more of a challenging tone through a chuckle, rather than a question, as he perked up a brow.

he already shrugged off most of his own jacket before you could even think of protesting, and within approximately three seconds, his coat was already hung over your shoulders, sheltering you from the chilling breeze, immediately feeling warmth shoot throughout your body.

“better?” he smirked.

“yes,” you half-guiltily admitted. “you’re going to get sick though.”

the frown on your face didn’t leave even as his next words left his throat, “well, better me than you.”

“no, jake,” you said as your pout grew longer.

“you know why?”

“hm?”

he paused as a smirk travelled to his lips before answering, “because then i’ll get to have you as my caretaker.”

“pfft—please. no, you're not. i’m telling you to take your jacket back, but you’re not letting me give it back to you. so that would be your fault.”

“ouch, someone is really eager to not take care of their boyfriend. okay, i see how it is,” he said with a dramatic frown.

you looked at him as you shook your head and rolled your eyes, “jake, no, i—”

“it’s fine! still better me than you though,” he said —if it was even possible—with more drama in his tone than before as he began to walk away.

you ran to catch up with him and took his still warm hand in both of yours as you looked into his eyes, but being the petty boy he was, who liked playing these silly games, he only continued walking, gaze straight ahead, refusing to look in your direction.

the rest of your date went on, with him eventually forgetting how he had planned on staying dramatic for as long as he could, and he made sure his jacket wasn’t let off your shoulders until you both got home, an immediate rush of warm air filling your bodies. momentarily, you took in the relaxing sensation, closing your eyes.

“want some hot cocoa?” jake asked, whipping you back to reality.

you gave him a small smile, followed by a satisfied nod at the idea. you could already feel the hot beverage flowing down your throat, warming up your insides.

you followed jake to the kitchen. and that was when you heard a sneeze just a few feet ahead.

“jake…”

he cleared his throat. “what? it was just a sneeze.”

“if you’re sick—”

“i’m alright. don’t worry.”

sceptical, you nodded.

later as you two cuddled up on the couch under a fluffy blanket, hands wrapped around a nice cup of hot cocoa, jake furrowed his brows. “why is it so cold in here?”

you turned your head to face him with a questioning look. “i’m not cold.”

“it’s so cold.”

“jake, love, i think it’s just you.”

he shivered, putting his mug down before drowning himself under the covers. “cold.”

you hugged him under the ocean of blanket before he said, “i think i’ve got chills.”

you sighed sadly, “and who said they weren’t sick, hm?”

he huffed out a long puff of air from his cheeks. “i don’t feel good, y/n.”

you sighed again softly, feeling bad for the boy. “okay, stay here and rest. i’ll go make you some soup.”

you let go of his already weak and exhausted form before standing up, beginning to make your way toward the kitchen as you heard a “thanks, i love you!”

⎯ ❤︎ ⎯

“okay, i’m back with soup.” you placed it on the table in front of him. “it’s hot, be careful.”

“thanks, love.”

you watched as he took his first few spoonfuls, your hand reached behind his head as you ran it up and down his back soothingly.

after a moment of silence as he drank his soup, a sudden eruption of giggles filled the room.

“what’s wrong?” you asked, subconsciously beginning to laugh with him.

“i love being sick,” he said, turning to you with a cheeky grin.

“i’m sorry, you what?” you laughed, imagining you must’ve heard it wrong.

“i like being sick.”

“what? why?” you asked at his ridiculous statement.

“because i always get to have you take care of me,” he smirked, not so cheeky this time but more happy than anything.

“i—” was all you managed to push out, speechless.

“told you you’d take care of me,” he then said proudly victorious, chin held high. “i know you well enough to know how down bad you are for me, y/n.”

you scoffed in disbelief, “oh, please. you are unbelievable.”

“i might be unbelievable, but i’m not wrong,” he continued playfully.

“okay, mr. smarty pants. you win. i do love you, and what about it?”

he giggled, coming closer and wrapping his arms around your waist, tucking his head into the crook of your neck.

no matter how long you two had been together, him doing this exact form of physical touch never failed to make everything in your body go weak, except your heart, its pace beating so fast, you were almost afraid it would leap out of your chest any minute.

“i love you more,” he breathed into your neck with a smile.

you wrapped your arms around him before starting, “okay, you big baby,” you tapped your hand in a repeating motion on his back, “i think you should get some sleep now. your body needs it.”

you felt as he nodded into your neck. “mhm. just like this.” he said, referring to the way you were tangled in each others arms, bodies sharing warmth, and breaths moving in sync. he closed his eyes. “this is exactly what i need to feel better.”

a/n. ahhh yall pls lmk if you liked this cuz idk if it’s me just second guessing myself but im feeling quite unsure about this one 🫠 and as always, thanks for reading <33

m.list · taglist

not how you had imagined your day to go, but if you were at all to complain, it would only be the fact that you had called your brother on speaker mode, and he had wasted no time in cackling at you and quite literally announcing your small little crush on jake in an overly exaggerated manner, with the said boy himself blinking down at your phone screen, the words in his throat stuck as your eyes darted between him and the crackling static on your phone, before promptly putting him off the speaker and whisper yelling at your brother.

“niki, you fucking idiot…”

your interjection was only received with another obnoxious laugh, and an equally annoying ‘i’m eating the last slice of the cheesecake, have fun and don't get too wild!” before you hear the beeping sound of the receiver, signalling that the call had been ended.

so in retrospect, you weren’t complaining at all, you were just fervently wishing for the ground to swallow you up whole. and erase you from existence, if conditions proved favourable.

now your brother’s best friend knew of your crush on him, and while you stubbornly kept your eyes trained outside the window, missing the smile on his face, it did not help your case that you felt his arm around your shoulder after a while, his fingers nudging you, causing you to gasp and turn to him.

if only a smile could kill, you’d be buried six feet under by the way you felt your knees buckle under you and insides melting like a pudgy cone of ice cream.

“you can rest on my shoulder, it’s going to be a long ride,” jake said, gesturing towards his shoulder while you regarded him with your best straight face you could muster, ignoring the warmth across your cheeks and consciously thaning the stars that it was dark enough for him to not notice.

nodding at his offer meekly, your stiffened body eases itself slowly in his semi embrace, biting down on your lips when his hand rests on your waist. the closeness was something you had only ever imagined, but never dared to wish upon yourself, relishing rather, in the way he would smile at you when your eyes met or wave at you when you came home to a messy living room and your ass of a brother (you were only grateful to him for inviting his friend over). 

the ride is quiet, except the low hum of the engine and the occasional jerks in the road; even the driver is quiet as he steers the wheel, his eyes focused on the road while you and jake simply relish in each other’s touch. you’re tired and fall asleep, finally at ease in the way he makes it seem like there was no rush nor any immediate consequences to your revelation, even though hints of awkwardness remained in the way you both decidedly ignore the elephant in the room.

stirring you awake as he thanked the driver, who merely grunted in response, undoubtedly tired himself at the late call, jake finds himself missing your warmth once you reach your destination. he’s unsure whether this was the first time he felt your absence to this extent, or whether niki’s words had belated him to this point.

as he gazes at the rundown motel with peeling walls with some apprehension, he notices your tired state beside him, rubbing your sleepy eyes and blinking at the tacky lighting in front of the cashier, unconsciously sticking to his side and holding on to his jacket under the gaze of the cashier. he pushes you behind him gently, calling the attention on himself as he deals with the room and other requirements, blushing suddenly when the man behind the counter hands him a small packet and whispers something in his ears which you don’t catch, frowning when jake glances at you and reverts his gaze almost immediately, clearing his throat almost pretentiously.

“what was that about?” you question, and he waves it off dismissively, quickening his pace when you kept pestering him and laughing when he almost tripped on his own feet.

predictably, the one bed situation had arisen and while it didn’t daunt you as much as it had been made to seem like in books and movies, you accounted for it due to your exhaustion; you were dead tired and ready to pass out the moment your head hit the pillow. it took a few trials for jake to convince you to take a shower, and one last threat to pick you up himself and place you under the cold shower, for you to drag yourself to the tiny washroom and yelp at the cold water hitting your skin. but that was seemingly a bad idea, for the water had only woken you up from your drowsy state and now you were hyper aware of every little action and every little sound in the very little room lit only by a singular yellow lighting, it’s default brightness dimmed down such that it was merely a night light.

as you lay quite awake in the bed you were soon to share with him, the sound of shower water trickling through the closed door, you curled up even more to your side, leaving a considerably large space for him on the ridiculously small mattress. everything in this room, including itself, seemed to be small and cramped, as if it’s entire purpose was to bring people close till you could hear them breathe. you knew by the way the door clicked and the familiar whiff of pine scent, that he was out of the shower and you risked a glance towards him. rubbing his head with a towel, jake made his way to the bed, discarding the piece of cloth on the lone chair with wobbly legs that had been provided as a sorry excuse of a piece of furniture, and plopping down beside you with a groan.

how was he not affected by this? how is it that you’re so affected by this?

sighing to yourself, you will yourself to sleep, ignoring the dull clenching of your chest at his nonchalance, oblivious to the small frown that etches across his forehead when you turn your back to him, pulling the sheets up to your chin and curling in on yourself. he was hoping to talk to you, but you seemed too tired and rather unreceptive of a conversation, and he isn’t sure whether it was because of something he had done or your own weariness.

you’re starting to convince yourself that by morning you would be over this, a bittersweet ending to your unprecedented confession, and if you were lucky, you wouldn’t have to avoid his presence and he’d be willing to remain friends after rejecting you but your thoughts are halted when his voice breaks that train.

“can we talk?”

you’re pensive at the tone of his voice, turning around to face him apprehensively, only to find him already staring at you unblinkingly.

“is it about earlier? if it is, then you don’t need to worry, niki was just....well, he wasn’t joking, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then i’ll get over my feelings for you. i’d even stay out of your way if you want, and i know you like that freshman but honestly, i was going to keep this myself until obviously my ass of a brother had to spill it, so really just–”

“(y/n), do you want to go on a date when we get back?”

“–yes of course, anything you want and i promise...wait, what?”

jake smiles at you amusedly, raising an eyebrow when you regard him with confusion, propping yourself slightly on your elbow.

“what did you just say?”

“don’t get over your feelings for me yet, i’ve been looking forward to asking you out on a date for such a long time…”

the way he looks at you so hopefully, but with that teasing lilt to his voice that trembles at the corners as if apprehensive of how far he was shooting his shot, and yet through the obvious signs of his nervousness, you sensed a genuinity to his endeavours, and you couldn’t ignore the way his expectant eyes held your gaze so softly.

jake looks like he’s got a lot to say, but he’s saving it all up for days that don’t involve a broken car and a motel room and the embarrassingly loud crinkling sound of the condom packet in his jacket pocket. there’s so much he wants to talk to you about, too much he’s had on his mind he needs to talk to you about, but somehow he knows he won’t even be able to say a third of those things tonight; not when he could be snuggling on a small bed with his arms around you and a lingering worry of getting his car fixed the very first thing in the morning.

This was a situation you found yourself in multiple times over the course of the past week: hands in your lap, mindlessly staring at nothing. There’s a thrum at the back of your head that you’ve been trying to ignore, just like all the other sensations that have manifested in your throat and lower back and the pit of your stomach.

More times than not, you sit here spacing out for hours; all the way from the time you get home to the time you feel your eyelids beginning to drop shut. Sometimes you have the energy to make a meal, but on the days that had no mercy for your peace of mind, you didn’t.

Maybe you do this to cope with stress. Maybe you do this because despite the rational part of your brain telling you that this is a form of self-sabotage, the exhausted part knows that silence—nothingness—would never betray you. It would never make you work overtime or make you worry about how others perceive you; it would only give you the peace you desire.

Today was one of those cruel days, to the point where you’d think it’s the shittiest you’ve had in a long time. You felt like you were at your breaking point, and you hate how every little inconvenience had made you want to burst into tears.

But even after you got home, you didn’t cry.

You seem to never cry, and you’re not sure if that’s a good thing. Instead of having a quick breakdown to rid yourself of strain like everyone else does, it piles up inside of your mind until utter blankness is born from the ashes of loud, rampant thoughts.

It’s what lands you here again tonight, despite never really wanting to be—staring at the line where the black of the flat-screen TV turns into the light cream of the apartment walls. There’s a mug of chamomile tea on the coffee table that you had brewed for yourself earlier, but it remains untouched, steam no longer wafting through the air.

A yawn racks through your body, bringing you back to reality after your mind had essentially been shut off for an hour and a half. Groaning loudly, you push yourself up off the couch to get ready for bed, trying your hardest not to think about how tomorrow, you’d probably have to repeat today all over again.

What you don’t expect is the sound of the front door’s lock suddenly clicking open.

It causes you to freeze, head turning to look towards the entrance.

As the door opens, a tall figure emerges through the threshold. 

There’s a black baseball cap fit securely on his head, shielding his face from view—yet, it’s someone who you can recognize instantly. Someone who you have spent hours upon hours memorizing head-to-toe.

From the expensive bomber jacket he's layered over a grey hoodie, from his favourite pair of worn-out sneakers that he refuses to throw away. From the teddy bear charm—a gift from you—that dangles from his keyring.

You stare at him for a moment, slack-jawed.

Someone who you haven’t seen in a long time and weren’t expecting to see again for a while.

“Jake?”

Shutting the door behind him with a click, a grin breaks out onto his face.

"Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing still awake?"

Someone who you haven't seen in a long time, and weren't expecting to see again for a while—and who you never realized you'd missed so much until he was finally standing in front of you again.

Hurriedly taking off his shoes and jacket, your boyfriend pads over to you. His arms slink around your waist, pulling your body into him and hugging you loosely.

Breath hitching at the contact, your own arms come up to rest on his shoulders. You can't bring yourself to fully meet his eyes; you feel like if you get a proper look at him, a dam would break loose.

For some reason, Jake just makes you want to cry your eyes out. You have the art of concealing your emotions around others perfected to a near tee but he—

God, you don't even know why.

You try so, unbelievably hard to remain strong around him, but his presence—his touch, voice, warmth—never fails to make your facade absolutely collapse.

But even though he's reassured you time and time again that it's okay to let down your defences around him, that he wants you to, you refuse.

At least not this time; most weeks, six out of seven days, Jake would let himself into your apartment as if it was his own, and the two of you would fall asleep next to each other with your limbs a mess on the mattress. But, with the group's upcoming comeback, he's been staying at the dorm to make preparations easier. It's been weeks since you've seen each other, and with each passing second you spend with him again, you realize how much you'd truly missed him.

You're confident he isn't supposed to be here right now, but you don't know when you'd see him again. You're not going to let a precious moment be spoiled by tears.

However, the universe seems to always be working against you, because just the feeling of him loosely pressed against you is making your bottom lip quiver.

A beat of silence passes. Habitually, you lean into his touch.

You feel the tip of his nose stroke your cheek affectionately. You screw your eyes shut.

"What— what are you doing here?" you ask meekly.

"Am I not welcome here?" he teases, tilting his head.

"You know you aren't supposed to be here, Jake," you chide, though it comes out as more of a plead. "I know for a fact you have early morning practices everyday, and you probably don't get off until late at night..."

You toy with the line of his hood. "The comeback is so soon. You should be at the dorm. Resting."

"When am I ever doing something I'm supposed to be doing?"

At your lack of amusement, Jake's bottom lip juts out into a pout, his arms squeezing your waist a little tighter. "It feels like it's been centuries since I've seen you, Y/N. I couldn't take it anymore," he whines softly.

"You can't tell me you haven't missed me too. I'll literally cry if you do."

A pause. "I have," you whisper. So much that you don't even know.

Jake immediately stops pouting, his eyes crinkling as a smile blooms on his face at your words. He begins to slowly rock the both of you side-to-side, body flush against yours.

"Well, what kind of a boyfriend would I be to let you miss me?" he says playfully, looking off to the side.

Raising your head for a moment, you observe his side profile. Your eyes slowly trail along the contours of his face. Drinking in each of his carefully sculpted features. A slight smile tugs at your lips.

You lean your head against his chest, exhaling when you feel him card his fingers through the locks of your hair.

"Besides," Jake begins, his voice now softer as he redirects his gaze to you. "I'm sick of living with a bunch of disgusting guys."

You scoff. "Don't lie. You love them."

He lets out a laugh, gazing at you with shining eyes. "But you're the only one I'm in love with. There's a difference, sweetheart."

Your chest constricts. You'd been so close to completely forgetting about the turmoil brewing inside of you, but Jake's admission immediately causes it to resurface, rising like bile in your throat.

This isn't what you wanted.

You know it's coming. The burning sensation in your nose is a mockery of your efforts to remain composed.

Jake's tone carries a sincerity that makes you come undone. His words carry so much weight despite flowing out of his mouth no struggle, and they cause a stronger emotion in you than any of the cruel things that have ever been thrown your way.

Maybe this is why it was so hard to not cry around Jake—because it's so easy for him to love.

Loving comes so naturally to him, and it breathes life back into you. When you don't have any to spare for yourself, he does it in your place.

Your gates had been one strike away from being beaten down completely, and Jake had done it, with love.

You hold your breath for a few seconds as a last-ditch effort to prevent your tears, but that doesn't stop the first one from falling.

And as the saying goes, "starting is the hardest part", because as soon as the first tear slips down your cheek, more rush to follow. Your vision starts to blur.

Feeling you tense in his hold, Jake's smile falters. "Hey—"

He leans back a little bit, head ducking to try and get a look at your face. "What's wrong? Y/N?"

When you refuse to make eye contact, only tucking your chin further into your chest, his being floods with concern. His hands leave your waist to cup your face, gently forcing you to look at him.

For weeks, Jake would leave the company building late at night with only the thought of seeing you again. But in those thoughts, you'd always been smiling; maybe even laughing at a funny video or a stupid joke he'd made.

Now, the sight of your tear-stricken face only has him pursing his lips together, his heart pounding against his ribcage.

Instinctually, Jake examines your face, checking to see if you're hurt anywhere. Once he deems you okay externally, he carefully brushes the skin underneath your eyes with his thumbs.

"Baby..." he whispers sadly. "What happened?"

You only shake your head, sharp breaths leaving your lips. Jake frowns, continuing to wipe away the tears that spilt from your eyes.

When you eventually raise your gaze, you're met with the sight of Jake's own eyes beginning to water. Despite your state, there's a ghost of a smile on your lips. He looks adorable.

"Why are you crying?" you breathe out weakly, letting out a soft laugh. "Don't cry~"

"Because you're crying!" he whines. His eyebrows furrow as he stares into your eyes, trying to find out what had gotten you to this point. "You can't just cry and then expect me not to!"

Pursing your lips, you look away shyly. "Jaeyun..."

Jake's eyes soften. Gently, he cups the back of your head and guides your face into the crook of his neck, stroking your back as you continue to shed tears.

"Please, tell me what's wrong," he whispers into your hair. "It kills me to see you like this."

"I hate crying," you whisper back, tone filled with regret. "I really didn't mean to."

"No, no, baby," Jake shushes, shaking his head vehemently. "That's not what I meant. Hey, look at me," he coaxes, bringing your face up to look him in the eyes.

"What I meant was I don't like to see you hurting. You can cry, baby. I'll be here to wipe every one of your tears," he says, chuckling.

A single tear travels down the length of his face. You bring a hand up to wipe it away. Jake doesn't move, watching you with a soft gaze.

"Let go. I'd rather you cry than bury it all inside." His hand comes up to stroke your hair. "I promise you that crying doesn't make you weak or make me love you any less than when you're smiling."

So for once, you cry. Dumping every one of your emotions out onto the fabric of his hoodie. He holds you securely as you do, hands rubbing circles on your hips.

"I'm so tired," you suddenly croak out.

For a second, fear freezes the blood in Jake's veins. His voice is shaky as he asks, "O-of what? Us?"

Your face flashes with horror. You frantically shake your head, pushing yourself back to look at him.

"No!" you blurt, cupping his face. "No— oh my god, never. You're— we're—"

You exhale shakily. "We're great. We are everything to me."

One of his hands comes up to cover yours. "What's going on, baby?"

"It just feels like I'm... broken."

Jake's breath hitches, another tear slipping down his cheek to his chin. He doesn't say anything, prompting you to keep going with a tap to your side.

You delicately wipe the tear away, leaning up to press a firm kiss on his cheek before continuing.

"I feel so— so incompetent. Like I'll never be good enough at my job, or for the people at my job, or really anyone around me, for that matter."

A pause. "No matter how much time and energy I dedicate to something, nothing ever goes right. And nothing ever will go right because there's something wrong with me."

Silence hangs over the two of you, your ragged breathing and his soft sniffles intertwining in a sorrowful melody. Jake's brain is moving at a million miles a minute, grasping to think of what to do—to make you see yourself the way he sees you.

"Sweetheart," he begins, picking each of his words deliberately. "Listen to me carefully, alright?"

"You are not incompetent. In fact, you're so much more than just competent at what you do, to the people around you... everything. I wish you my brain instead of yours. Yours is so mean to you," he murmurs with a click of his tongue.

"If you had mine, you'd see how incredible you are at what you do, to the people around you, everything. Because that's what I see, Y/N. I see everything in you."

You groan, hands reaching up to cover your face as heat flushes your cheeks. "Oh my god..."

Laughing, Jake tries to pry at your hands. When he succeeds, he looks deep into your eyes, gaze never wavering. You think you'd have crumbled to the floor by now if he wasn't here to hold you up.

"Did you mean it?" he whispers, breath fanning against your skin.

"Hm?"

"When you said that nothing you dedicate your effort to ever goes right."

You grimace. "That's what it feels like..."

"Even us?"

Oh. "Jaeyun—"

"Shhh, I was kidding. I know that's not what you meant," Jake coos, the groan that leaves you making him smile. He gently brushes a strand of hair out of your face before tilting his head and softly capturing your lips in his. Your eyes flutter shut, melting into his hold.

"You're strong, okay?" He whispers against your lips when you break away. "You're stronger than anyone I know."

Jake doesn't make any move to let you go. He wants his reassurances to travel through every part of your body, until you become so familiar with them that they'd never be a subject of your questioning.

"You aren't broken. I won't let you be."

The feeling of his skin against yours grounds you. In the foyer of your quiet apartment at one in the morning, it makes you feel alive.

Jake can already feel a smile creep up onto his face as he unlocks the door to your shared apartment. Stepping foot inside, he was immediately met with the sound of your footsteps getting closer and closer to him. Around the corner revealed you with your pretty smile and twinkling eyes, instantly causing Jake’s heart to melt at the sight. Barely giving him the chance to close the front door, you threw your arms around his neck, bringing him into your tight, warm embrace. 

Letting out a soft laugh and returning the hug, he breathed out, “Hey, pretty.”

The two of you let go and Jake was quick to pull you into a soft kiss, “Did you eat yet? I brought home some dinner for us.” he asked after pulling away, he held up a bag of your favorite food.

“Not yet, I wanted to wait for you to get home so we could decide on something. Here, you go ahead and wash up while I heat this up.” you offered. He smiled and nodded, heading off to your bedroom.

After Jake finished showering, the two of you settled down to eat dinner. It mostly consisted of you guys catching up on what you did for the day, the things you accomplished, the funny stories, pretty much anything that came to mind. It was a nice, relaxing time for the both of you since you haven’t seen each other for a majority of the day. By the time you wake up in the morning, Jake has already left for work so pretty much the only time you get to see him would be at nighttime after he gets home so you try to make the most of it. 

Dating an idol has its ups and downs. There are some good days and there are some bad days. No matter what though, you and Jake promised that you won’t let that affect your relationship so here you are still going very strong. At the end of the day, what matters is that you come home to each other and be embraced with nothing but unconditional love.

You finish your dinner and head to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Jake couldn’t help but stare and admire you. You’re so beautiful in his eyes, he felt very lucky to have you by his side. Sometimes he even wonders how he managed to score someone like you. It’s safe to say that he’s head over heels in love with you and nothing could ever change that. Nobody could ever take him from you. As you do the dishes, you feel as if someone was staring at you from behind. You turn your head and meet Jake’s glance. Smiling at him you say, “What’s on your mind?”

“Just how beautiful you are and how much I love you.” he said softly, causing you to blush at his words. No matter how many times you hear it, it’s always going to have the same effect on you.

“You’re such a smooth talker Ikeu…”

“I’m only speaking the truth my love,” you could only hum at his response. “Let’s go to bed, yeah?” Before you even have a chance to respond, you let out a yelp as you felt Jake’s arms around your waist and under your legs, carrying you bridal style to your bedroom. Placing you down gently under the covers, Jake joins you shortly and pulls you onto his chest, his hands immediately finding its way towards your head. He lets his fingers run through your hair, bringing instant comfort to you. He knew this. Sighing in content, you snuggled closer to Jake. A comfortable silence fills the air, it’s just the two of you enjoying each other’s company.

A few moments pass until Jake breaks the silence, “I love you Y/N… so much.”

Your heartbeat speeds up, “I love you Jaeyun.”

“You’re so good to me, words can’t even explain how much I appreciate you. I’m so happy to have you by my side, it feels good knowing that I can always come to you for anything. You’re all I ever wanted…I can’t lose you.” you can feel his hold of you getting tighter, as if he was scared that you’d slip away if he ever let go.

“I’m not going anymore Jaeyun, you’re stuck with me till the end.” you tilted your head up already finding Jake’s head lowered towards yours. You stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before nuzzling your nose against his. Jake giggled at the feeling causing you to laugh along with him. Loving the sound of your laughter, Jake wanted to hear more of it so he suddenly started to tickle your sides. Not even lasting a second, you started squirming and laughing. Failing to keep a straight face, Jake starts giggling. 

“Okay, okay truce,” you managed to say. Catching your breath you say, “I’m tired now.”

“Hey,” You looked up from your phone to look towards the man nervously standing above you, his hand scratching the back of his neck while he stared down at the table. At his silence one of his friends who was standing behind him lightly nudged his side, efficiently shaking him from his nervous trance.

 “You’re yn, right?” He tried to confidently ask you, but no one could miss the crack of his voice mid-sentence. To ease his nerves you simply just gave him a small smile with a nod, eyes encouraging him to continue.

“You forgot your textbook in the library” You looked at the giant textbook in his hands, a sense of confusion filling you as you couldn’t recall ever going to the library recently.

You just brushed off your confusion as forgetfulness, “Oh, thank you, uh” You tried looking for his name tag on his blazer but couldn’t see it for whatever reason. Jake noticed your eyes trailing across his chest and a look of realization set on his pretty features, “I lost my name tag, but my name's Jake. Jake sim” He held out a hand for you to shake but quickly retracted it when he heard his friends snickering behind him.

He ignored them and just handed you the textbook, both hands holding onto it as he gently laid it in your arms. “Well thank you, James Bond” you jokingly winked at him as his jaw dropped in shock, the joke flying right over his head.

“James bond?” One of his taller friends laughed out loud at his confusion, clapping a hand on his shoulder as he whispered the joke’s explanation in his ear.

You watched with a wide smile as his mouth dropped, eyes lighting up as he finally understood your metaphor. 

You looked over towards your friends, “he’s so cute” They all excitedly nodded to the words you mounted to them. You looked back up at the man standing before you, playfully furrowing your eyebrows as you checked him out. “How did you know it was mine?”. Jake paused, his body tensing as he tried to stutter out a response. 

“You’re really, uh, recognizable?” Jake cursed himself in his head as his response came out as a question. He watched as your eyes squinted in confusion, his heart racing as he prayed that you didn’t notice his nervous stuttering. 

After a moment of silence, you noticed his eyes flickering down to your chest for a second before shooting back up to look into your eyes but before you could inquire about it the same friend who explained your joke to him jumped in.

“He’s talking about your tits” Jake jumped in shock as his cheeks turned a deep red, eyes widening as he began to rapidly shake his head in denial, “N-no that’s not what I meant!” he threw his hands up to make big x motions in panic, once again stuttering as he tried denying his friends words. 

“Honestly! I didn’t even notice, I swear I was just looking at your name tag.” Now you were the one raising your eyebrows at him, teasingly crossing your arms to make your chest pop up. “You didn’t notice?” He tried to keep eye contact with you as he nodded his head, rapid hums of agreement leaving his lips.

Jake could feel his entire body flushing as he turned to throw daggers at Heeseung, lousy excuses leaving his mouth as he excused himself. “I’ll see you around, yn” Before he turned away he quickly reached down into his pocket and pulled out a small box, handing it to you before turning his back towards you. 

You watched as Jake sped out of the cafeteria, quiet threats to his friends growing quieter the further he got.

You looked down at the book, turning it around to read the title. “What?” You trailed off as you read the cover, fingers tracing the photos adorning the front. “There’s no way Jake Sim just brought you back your biology book” Your close friend, Chaerin squealed, hands flying around the air around her.

 “But this isn’t even my book? I didn’t even take biology this semester?” You opened the book, a cheesy smile breaking out on your lips as you read the opening page.

On the front page in bright letters it messily wrote, “This book belongs to Sim Jaeyun, class 8A” and below it was a small sticky note, a ten-number digit written with blue ink along with a small message.

“Oh, what does that say?” Your friend, Isa, who tried peeking over your shoulder jumped back in shock as you slammed the biology book closed. She stared at you with wide eyes as you quickly giggled to yourself while hugging the textbook to your chest. 

The words you read moments prior floated around the room on a cloud of euphoria, pupils dilating as they flashed with every colour you mapped out through Jake’s eyes. 

“Call me?” You could almost hear his voice as you reread the words over and over, butterflies raining from the sky as they made pirouettes around the floating letters. 

One of the imaginary butterflies landed on the box in your hand, the bow matching the colour of its wings. You gasped out loud as you remembered the box, your fingers carefully trying to take off the bow without undoing it.

Inside the box laid a single rose petal, one that was cushioning a “lost” name tag. “And he gave you his name tag? I’m so jealous I want someone to do that for me” Your final friend, Ruka, complained from beside you. 

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest, eyes engraving hearts into his name tag. Without your knowledge Isa smiled to herself, Jake’s plan working better than she thought it would’ve. 

but Jake doesn’t stop asking you, delaying your orgasm each time you respond with a noncoherent answer. you don’t even know why he does when he’s supposed to leave a couple of minutes ago.

you caught him by the door earlier just in time when he was about to close it, throwing yourself at him for a tight hug. he instantly put his arms around you, returning it with the same intensity without a word.

he knows you after all. which is why his incessant questions irked you a lot.

“tell me baby, was it the chains?” he rasps behind you, leaning his body closer to yours. by doing so, your skin and his touches and you feel the cold of his necklace brushing against your burning skin.

it doesn’t help that his pace turned into slow strokes now, allowing you to feel every inch of his cock while he hits that soft spot inside you. his hand that was gripping your hips comes up to part the hair that was covering the back of your neck.

then his plump lips are mouthing your shoulders, trailing sideways throughout your neck until he reaches the tip of your ear and bites it.

“jake..jake-y please” you beg for the nth time but he can’t seem to hear you with how loud he’s being, moaning right by your ear as his body pins you to the surface.

“you can’t just come here and not precisely tell me why right?” he asks again with that thick accent of his that sounds so good in your ears.

a deep chuckle resonates from him when you whine but you're hoping that's enough of an answer. if you didn’t hear the mocking tone in this voice, you’d mistake it for something else.

how can you tell him that it’s because you miss him. you can’t possibly inform him that knowing that he might use it against you later on.

“ah..j-jaeyun…”

“fuck, you can’t really resist me can’t you?” he continues, ignoring your pleas as he leans back up and fastens his pace.

he’s right, you can’t. or you wouldn’t come running here to see him before he leaves the country for you don’t know how long. ending whatever between you was clearly a mistake when by the end of the day, you’d always come running back to him.

it took one video he posted on ig for your resolve to crumble.

now you’re moaning uncontrollably against the kitchen island, holding the sides of the surface with all your might as he fucks you relentlessly. might've been cause you've been moaning jaeyun the entire time, something that you noticed a few times since sleeping with him.

he did say he likes it when you call him that.

"c-close, i'm close..."

"i know baby, i can feel you gripping me so tight" he groans, throwing his head back when he feels your warm cum around his dick. he slows his thrusts then, hand switching from supporting his strength to caressing your twitching body.

god he’d love to pull your hair and do more but you look so spent already, panting so hard with your cheeks planted on the surface.

“so it’s the glasses then” he chuckles amusingly after catching your eyes staring at the sunglasses sitting across your face that the company sent for him to wear.

“yeah..owh!”

jake hurriedly pulls your body up, turning you around before inserting himself back in your pussy.

“fuck, baby, i–..”

“want it inside me?” you ask like you’re offering his favourite ice cream but your eyes are half-lidded. he couldn’t take it anymore, a few curses escaping his lips as he slams his hips against yours.

“mhmm, always, s-shit, always” he groans against your neck, never forgetting to leave kisses while you thread your hands his moussed hair.

oh how you’d love to hear that word from him in another scenario but you’d take this. even if it’s just because of the heat of the moment.

“give to me..then..oh” your sensitive walls welcomed his load, relishing feeling so full of his cum. he brings his face close to yours, his habit of biting his lower lip spurring you to clench around his cock.

you’re tempted to kiss him, wanting to feel those full lips against yours but you digress. he’s probably waiting for it but you can’t add it to the plethora of dumbassery that you’ve done because of him.

.

he stays inside you for a while until he’s done riding out his high even though his phone won’t stop ringing. he’s purposefully ignoring it, continuing to leave wet kisses along your neck so you nudge him to take it.

“the babies have been calling” he laughs breathlessly, pushing his hair back while his other hand types reply in their group chat. he steps back and walks around, probably looking for a tissue box to clean you up a bit.

how sweet. it made you grimace internally.

“you’re surely get an earful from wonie” you reply fondly while he wipes his cum spilling out from you. the mention of his friends whom he treats like little brothers momentarily distracted you.

then you remembered that he might miss his flight because of you so you stop him, taking over so he could redress and fix himself.

“i’ll be back before you know it” he grabs your jaw and gives you a kiss on your lower cheek, so near your lips before picking up his black leather bag somewhere beside you.

as much as jake wanted to kiss you, he wasn’t sure if you wanted it on your lips. he did see the hesitation on your face earlier while you were lost in a trance, staring at his lips. he's not sure what's stopping you but it must be linked to your reason for letting him fuck you again.

you watch him fling his bag over his shoulders, putting on the sunglasses before he retreats to the door.

oh he’ll be back for sure, but certainly not to you. that’s why you lied earlier, playing it safe knowing how unpredictable Jake could be. having him again calmed your fear of losing him for good but you've long realized how temporary this is, a facade that you're hoping to keep up for as long as you can.

.