strauss reads hosea x reader

thats what we call neo nazis and shitty conservative bros? or at least its what we used to call them? why are ppl calling themselves "chuds" affectionately now

what is happening

when you call yourself and your friends "chuds"

YOU

ARE

CALLING

YOURSELF

A

He honestly does need more love. I l o v e writing him, especially now that I have a feel for my take on the character.

I

I really hate his alias/callsign tho.

Doomfist of all the bullshit, I just can’t deal with it. <’D

I could have written this post for hours but I didn’t want to make it extremely long s o here’s a few of the main ones.

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Gentle giant

Even though he doesn’t really look/act like it to anyone but his s/o

He’s intimidating as fuck to everyone else but

Just turns into a chill teddy bear when his s/o appears

Loves to have them sitting on his lap

Anywhere

At home, in public, during a mission briefing; he’ll just pull them to sit on his lap whenever there’s an opportunity

Possessive but not to the point of overbearing

You do whatever the hell you want as long as it’s not stupid and could get you hurt

He has a Spidey-Sense for people flirting with you

Some unwanted flirting’s happening across the fuckin’ compound and poof

He’s just there lurking behind you and giving whoever it is a glare that could kill

Meanwhile you’ll just stand there with lil smirk like yeah that’s my man and he could crush you with one hand move along now

Once the nuisance is gone he’ll haul you into his arms and give you a lil smooch and/or Eskimo kiss

He loves Eskimo kisses

It’s like

His thing

Does it all the time

Reading dates

Just hanging out at home and reading together

He loves to read to you or having you read to him

Reading’s one of his favorite calming past times

There’s lots of fancy dates too though

When he takes you out, he goes all out every time

Fancy meals and fancy events at fancy places in fancy clothing and just a fancy time

Always manages to top himself each time somehow

Bless you too! <3

~~~

Akande Ogundimu

He’s surprisingly cuddly, even in public

Likes to pull you into his lap wherever he’s sitting

Anywhere at home, during mission briefings at work, hanging out in public (probably somewhere you dragged him to)

Loves to give you smooches

That’s about his limit on PDA though, unless he’s trying to scare off someone making you uncomfortable or something of that nature

Or unless you tease him

At home he’s a big cuddlebug though

Curling up on the couch to watch TV or read or just listen to the radio

Sometimes you’ll be sitting at home just hanging out and he’ll come home and lay with his head on your lap

Practically envelopes you when cuddling in bed

Beware of warm months; this man is not only giant but extremely warm-blooded

There’s no escape when he falls asleep wrapped around you

You’re trapped

He likes to nuzzle his face in your neck or hair, depending on the position

He just likes to nuzzle, ngl

Anon said: “Yo, since spook day is almost here, could I please order some hcs on the character’s favorite types of Halloween candies? (I was sorta thinking like one word answers/list format bc I would never expect you to do all characters! but please however many/whatever way you feel is best!) Thanks, friend! :)”

Jokes on you, I already had this idea in mind! >:0 Really long but simple lists are kinda my jam (the first popular post I made was literally one of those types of posts), so… here’s all the characters and more their favorite candies in general, rather than specifically for Halloween! <’D Those that can actually eat candy anyway. Also in bulleted list form and alphabetically because I hate myself and why not.

Thanks for the request, babe! <3

~~~

Akande Ogundimu because I still don’t like his callsign

A classics man

Chocolates

Both dark and milk

Don’t come near him with that white chocolate fake-ness, though

Caramels

Really likes buying those sets of assorted chocolates when they come into season

The simple but good stuff

Ana Amari

Caramel and honey flavored sweets

She also likes to eat those suckers/candies with bugs and scorpions in them just to make everyone else comfortable

That and she honestly thinks they’re not that bad

The candy itself, not the bugs

Brigitte Lindholm

Likes gum and hard candies

Hard caramels, mints, rock candy, stuff like that

Also stuff like toffee and brittle

She likes to keep busy and that includes chewing on something

D.Va

Everything

Just

Everything

But licorice, because that shit’s nasty

Genji Shimada

Prefers the stuff that are more mild in flavor

Vanilla flavored things, mint chocolates, pocky, etc

Also softer candies like cotton candy, gumdrops, etc

He doesn’t see the appeal in cronchy sweets

He has sensitive teeth, leave him alone

A/N: I will never not love platonic requests, friends. Platonic stuff is just… so good.

Platonic Hanzo

Tip Jar

~~~

McCree

He is the chaotic dude-bro friend with a heart of gold that everyone needs in this life

McCree’s just a himbo, tbh,,,

Y’all doing stupid shit together and recording it to send to other people

Might be cool and stupid to you guys but it’s just stupid to everyone else

You have so many clips of him doing the goofiest shit while absolutely hammered on your phone

You’re either the designated driver or you’re both getting hammered and passing out in an alley to wake up cuddling each other the next morning

McCree sending you selfies while something very chaotic and probably dangerous is happening in the background, usually during serious missions

McCree sending you seven-second-long videos of him talking super chill like there’s not fighting happening all around him and like he’s not shooting at someone offscreen

The last two seconds are usually something exploding and the video cutting off

Not that this is relevant at all but somehow his phone always survives

You either learn to live with Jesse’s shit or you live in a constant state of anxiety that spikes slightly whenever you get a text from him

You and McCree texting during very important meetings, trying to make each other laugh

Jesse usually cracks first because he just keeps glancing and grinning at you; the grin eventually turns into a chuckle and then there’s no stopping it

Soldier having to place y’all on opposite sides of the room like some naughty school kids

McCree somehow being the best and worst wing-man ever

He starts out really well but it always goes south so quickly if you don’t shut him up

Starts talking about how great you are, then it moves into embarrassing story territory and you literally have to tackle him to make him stop

The person he was talking to is usually gone long before you stop pummeling him

Jesse just also casually flirts with you all the time

It’s up to you to decide whether you flirt back, but if you do, prepare for a flirting war

He is not afraid to kiss you

He’ll do it

Don’t test him

Or do, he doesn’t care

He’s hella protective of you

If anyone’s bullying you, he will throw hands

If someone’s in your space and making you uncomfortable, here comes McCree, pretending to be your partner who will definitely kick the creep’s ass

If you’re going on a first date, he’s chilling in the background wearing a terrible disguise but making sure you’re safe either way

He’s the type of friend who, if you ask him to call you with a fake emergency to break up a bad situation, he’s creating a whole storyline and just… keeps going

You being on the verge of laughing while listening to a supposed message of your mother dying in a super elaborate plane crash involving a UFO is not a good look, but he gets you out one way or another 

If you get stood up, he’s your date now, no ifs/ands/buts

And he’s paying, you put your money away gdi

If this is the case, he’s going all out

Super fancy

He cleans up very nicely when he wants to

Y’all cuddle, have a drawer at each other’s place, sleep in the same bed sometimes, change in front of each other, and it’s just chill

People who don’t know you guys well definitely think you’re dating and McCree will milk that shit for all it’s worth

Yet again, you probably have to tackle him to get him to shut up

Does anyone know why I say “ish” or is it just something I started throwing in and have never explained so people are confused?

This one got a little long with all the characters, so everyone else is under the cut!

Also, so sorry if the quality of the piece gets worse as it goes on, I’m writing the second half of this at two am. <’D

~~~

Akande

Whether or not you’re a medic doesn’t really change your relationship at all

The same soft, casual, romantic ish regardless

Though, being a medic, you’re probably an early riser to get to work

Akande, who’s always an early riser, spends the morning with you eating, getting ready and all that, then walks you to the med bay if he doesn’t have his own business to attend to at the time

Always pops in the med bay to chat for a bit if neither of you are busy

Escorts you to the cafeteria or takes you out to lunch since the two of you have the same break

Packs your lunch on the occasion of you being super busy to make sure you still actually have food and don’t just work through the lunch hour

Makes sure you don’t overwork yourself or get yourself stressed out; being a medic can’t be an easy job

You’re his go-to medic

Baptiste

Working together!!

That type of couple that works together like a well-oiled machine

Either of you need an item? The other’s already handing it to you

You have a question? You don’t even need to finish the phrase before you have your answer

Need someone to help you with something? Jean’s already being called for you

Working in the same space? You work and move together like, well, a well-oiled machine

Ultimate medic power couple

Teasing and chatting and smooching when things aren’t busy

One of you always has a lunch packed for the both of you

Taking care of each other to make sure neither of you gets overworked

Jean jokes and teases a lot about needing a doctor

A love doctor

Jean, stop, you nerd

Hanzo Shimada

He’s just kinda

Heckin’ awkward when it comes to intimate stuff

Not a very PDA-centric lad

And doesn’t consider himself super romantic either

Whichistotallynottruebutwhatever

He’s a pretty traditional man, so he probably leans towards the whole courting thing

Slow and steady and subtle

How he can be smooth and great at courting but still be the worst at actually asking you out, I couldn’t tell you

Has probably tried to ask you out multiple times already but has chickened out

Lowkey has to hype himself up every time

Then chickens out anyway

The more frustrated he gets with himself about the situation, the more flustered and fumbly he gets around you

You probably ask him what’s up once or twice only to have the question quickly brushed aside or the topic awkwardly changed

Depending on how good you’re at with noticing signs, you probably figure out what Hanzo’s issue is before he ever gets around to actually talking about it

Also depending on that, you might have to be the one asking him out

Either that or one day he’s just going to blurt it out in the middle of a conversation and make things awkward for a minute while he sincerely apologizes for being so brash about bringing it up

G a s p, thank you so much! <333

Hope you enjoy angst, whoops.

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~~~

Genji Shimada

One more thing he cares about stripped away from him because of course it is

It’s unfortunate how used to this horrible life he’s gotten

He’s probably the one who can set aside his emotions from the mission the most

There’s an inner turmoil there but with his already shitty family bloodline, his brother almost killing him, getting harmed so severely he had to be turned into a cyborg, being trained and used as a weapon, and fuck-all else, he didn’t really expect the one good thing in his life to stay for long

He had sure as hell hoped it would though

If he sees an opportunity to catch rather than kill you, he’ll take it

A difficult thing to do with Blackwatch’s shoot first, ask questions later and overall chaotic mentality

He’d probably have to fight you, the enemy team, and his own teammates to execute it

But if there’s a chance, he’ll try to take it

Keep you as a hostage of sorts while he tries to work out with Mercy a way to reverse the brainwashing and such

If all things turn out peachy, great; he’ll help you recover from the trauma just like you had helped him in the past

However

The chances of such an opportunity are slim

And if you were made to kill him specifically, you’re probably a pretty difficult fight for him

Like those episodes in shows where people have to fight their evil twin and they don’t usually win until someone who’s not them fights said evil twin instead

So, if it comes down to it, he will shoot

And mourn, grieve, and die inside later

McCree

Probably the most emotional of the Blackwatch lads, though it’s often in the privacy of his own quarters that he shows it

Seeing you on the field, dead in the eyes and trying to kill him, would absolutely shred him to pieces

Would low-key lose his damn mind

Straight-up starts yelling to his teammates on the field that it’s you, to not hurt you, that you don’t know what you’re doing and that you need to be caught

Probably looks to Gabe for help, who gives him a brokenhearted look in return

Gabe understands the situation and how much a person like you means to McCree, given his past

He’d try to do what he could to prevent your death, being somewhat of a no-man-left-behind kind of guy himself

However, when it comes to his men or a brainwashed, killing machine, former shell of yourself you, he’d probably incapacitate Jesse (partially to keep him safe, partially to keep him from protecting you, and partially to keep him from having to make the final move on his own) and take the shot himself

Naturally, Jesse would be absolutely devastated

He would take body back to base and make sure you were properly mourned and given the burial you deserved

Unable to forgive Gabe despite knowing that Gabe had at least tried an alternative beforehand

That’d probably be the kick in the ass that resulted in McCree leaving Blackwatch, tbh

Gabriel Reyes

It would just be one more thing to fuck him up and be high up on his list of regrets later in life, honestly

On the field, after you reveal your face, he would call for trying to capture you first

While you’re fighting him, he does as little as he can to hurt you and probably tries to talk you out of your brainwashing

As expected, it takes a little more than that to get someone out of a killer robot state of mind

Not to mention you were trained to kill him, leader of Blackwatch, specifically; so, not only do his words go over your head but his attempts to not hurt you result in him getting a few pretty bad wallops

When his agents attempt to capture you and you start mowing them down, he has a difficult decision to make: Put you down or let you keep putting his soldiers in the ground in a futile attempt to rescue you

Or ring ding ding! Secret option number three: Injure you so badly you have to retreat and allowing him time to figure out a solution before you return to try accomplishing your mission again

Can somebody say Captain America: The Winter Soldier inspiration?

You bet your ass he’s going to try and get his Bucky back

Naturally, he does everything in his power to try to figure out how to save you

And until he finds a way, he’s willing to play this cat-and-mouse game

L i s t e n I am always so here for platonic headcanons, ok?

There was also one more thing I wanted to add to this list that I thought was really good but when I went to actually write it, the idea totally just disappeared. I’m very upset about it. >:0

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~~~

Hanzo Shimada

It’s that kind of relationship where the two of you can just exist in the same space, wherever that may be, interacting or just doing your own thing, and it’s comfortable

Literally always having some contact with each other, whether that be being in the same place, messaging each other, letters, etc

Platonic affection, if that’s your thing

Public displays of platonic affection don’t bother him as much as other affections do either, so that’s just a nice little add-on

Down to hold your hand or have an arm around you if you’re chilly or just wanna be soft

Cuddles are chill but those are an at-home hangout exclusive

Platonic forehead and cheek kisses, often when you’re excited to see him (usually after missions that took longer than expected) or when you’re comforting each other

The two of you pretend to be each other’s partner whenever the either starts getting unwanted attention

You share each other’s clothes

You mainly wear his stuff, but there will be the occasion of him borrowing a sweatshirt or sweatpants when he ends up staying the night

Oh yeah, sleepovers

The ones at your place are much more fun (movies, snacks, chatting, etc) but sometimes Hanzo’s having a bad night and just needs a friend to hang out and talk to, y’know?

Long-ass phone calls

Sending pictures to and buying little knickknacks for each other, especially when one of you is on a trip and definitely when the place said person is at is a new one

Platonic ‘love you’s

Prompt: “🧐😼💤 -Hanzo” via Anon

Tried to write this as an imagine but I just couldn’t get the words to word the way I wanted them to, so here’s headcanons instead. <’D

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~~~

Hanzo Shimada

Hanzo was woken up from an unusually pleasant slumber by one of his dragons, in a smaller, more manageable form

He probably would have ignored it, shooed the dragons away and attempted to escape back to no-dream land, but he was vaguely aware of only one pair of dragon feet puppy-bouncing against his chest instead of two

Opening one eye further made him suspicious, and opening both confirmed that there was in fact only one mini-dragon was in the near proximity and trying to wake him up

After forcing himself to get up and being tugged towards the door by one wily dragon, Hanzo was on the hunt for the other

Which led him to you

Tangled up and being dragged along by the missing dragon

Hanzo sighed and walked over in hopes of collecting his dragons and letting you free

This was not the case, however, because the situation resulted in both of you being pushed together and wrapped up by two very committed dog-snakes

Naturally, as two people with crushes, both of you become flustered

“Good afternoon, [Y/N].”

“Hello, Hanzo.”

“I apologize for the current predicament.”

“It’s okay, Hanzo.”

The dragons very clearly want something from one of you because whenever Hanzo attempts to appease them or call them back, they shake their heads

Hanzo eventually figures out what the dragons want from him, to which he gets increasingly annoyed

Hanzo casually starts arguing with his dragons while being pressed against you

You‘re very confused

So you ask him what’s up

He tries to dodge the question until you’re the irritated one and tell him to tell you what the fuck is up

After some childish bickering between the two of you, Hanzo admits that his dragons have heard of him talking of his fondness of you, and as a result has taken manners into their own… paws

“So, you’re supposed to ask me out?”

“… Perhaps.“

Cue vigorous waggling dragon nods

“Well, I’d love to go out with you, Hanzo!”

As someone who has dealt with this, depending on where you go, no one will really give a shit if you’re shopping in the men’s section. I assume they mostly just think you’re shopping for family, friends, or an s/o (and if they don’t and someone asks you, those are all great covers), but I’ve shopped in men’s multiple times in various places and have never gotten a second glance. Then again, I live in a pretty progressive area, so please stay safe and A) use a Hetero Response like the ones I mentioned above if someone gets shifty with you or B) shopping online always works too (just make sure to measure and maybe size up on shirts, at least the first time, because men’s shirts sometimes fit fine and other times fit very weird over The Tiddy).

Also my headcanons regarding Genji and trendiness is he likes pretty things like makeup and clothes but lost any sense of actually dealing with those things himself after all the damage he’s dealt with. Like, he can help you paint your own face and does a mad wing but you cannot get him out of his sweat pants and hoodie for anything. He is Emperor Sweat Pants and he will die as Emperor Sweat Pants.

This was a long, weird blurb; I apologize.

Tip Jar

~~~

Genji Shimada

When you ask him to join you, he’s happy to do so

The three reasons being:

He’s not sure if he’ll be all that much help, but if the two of you fail at least you’ll fail together

People are less likely to get on your case when you’re being followed around by a big robot man, and if people still try he can prevent it from getting hairy

Spending! Time! With! His friend!!

Just imagine a Cute Lesbian trotting alongside Sweatsuit Cyborg Gremlin Supreme

He’s actually a lot better with clothes and the like than he thinks

He’s just insecure about it anymore

Very into patterns and accessories, so that’s where he gets excited

Conflicting but also complimenting patterns??? Loves that shit

Wanna look butch? He’s got you

Wanna look classy? Like a suburban dad? A tropical hippie? General masculine but trendy Lady Lesbian?

All of it??? Plus outfits for different seasons???

Flannels, tank tops, cargo shorts, Hawaiian shirts, slide-in sandals

Once you’re actually there and the shopping actually starts, Genji comes out of his shell quite a bit

Don’t forget to check prices before you check out, though, because Genji is totally spacing it

If you find a couple of things you think he might look good in, it’ll take quite a bit of convincing to get him into them

He doesn’t wear clothes often very more, because cyborg, but when he does it’s usually nothing special because most of the time things look and feel weird on his metal body

However, if you do manage to get him to try on some stuff, then it’s a real party

Mini fashion show in the changing room area, if you’re down

After buying everything, y’all hang out with some snacks at home and recap on your haul