Find Serenity

it’s all about strength. You’re the strongest girl I know and you’re the best friend anyone could ask for. I don’t know if I would be here today if it wasn’t for you. I’m crying when I write this because you mean so much to me. You’re my fucking person. And I’m serious. You have been there through it all and have helped me so much. You are amazing. You don’t understand how good of a person you are. You know how to make everyone laugh and make them feel better. You’re my rock dude. Seeing you like this is so hard for me because I can’t physically be there to help. I will do everything in my power to help you and I’m trying to. So please. For me and for yourself go and do one of these. Talk to a counselor. Join group. Idk but you’re not yourself and you haven’t been for a while. I have watched people I love change. And I don’t want that to happen to you. I’ve already lost a lot from my dad and I don’t want that to happen to you. I can’t lose the person that is my best friend. I know my dad situation and yours are so so so different but you’re two very important people in my life and watching you both change is so hard. I love you to death. Don’t ever forget that okay? -love friend 9-15-2014

At this point in my life, i can genuinely say i have no idea what to even think or what i want from this incredible life i have been given. I should be happy, I have so much to be grateful for (friends, education, family) but its the growing fear in my mind that holds me back from the things i want most in life. I want to be successful. I want to be outgoing and happy again. I want to do huge things with my life. Things so enormous that its probably not going to happen. The next several months are going to be the most exciting, emotional, and strangely terrifying feelings that i have ever experienced. Going away to college, leaving high school, saying goodbye to the people who have played monumental roles in my life over the years. Its all happening so fast, and its almost as if i played down the thoughts about how much is actually going to change. The New year has already not started off so great, but I am promising myself that from now on i am going to live for ME. Not for BOYS. Not for my FAMILY. Not for ANYONE but ME. I am going to truly experience life. Im not going to stay in on weekends scared of being judged or anything of that sort, because this is my year! And I can fucking do this! Leggo!