Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@writingengineer
Everything hurts.
We used to talk, we used to solve things together, we used to be strong. Challenges were not meant for us to fall apart, it should make us stronger together.
Everything feels so draining. Everything feels so wrong. Every word that comes from your mouth hurts me, badly. Sometimes, I just want to quit. Everything. 💔
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Where did it all start? Where did I go wrong?
⛰️🏳️🌈
Guess things will never change. Expect for the worst, that way, you'll never get hurt.
I thought you'd be more mature. But i guess, some things aren't right after all. Very disrespectful. Very immature. Very childish. Very frustrating. Very bolok!
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Am I being unreasonable? Or are you making me feel like I am? Is it wrong to ask you to prioritize us, your own family? Am I being controlling? Or you just can't accept the facts 'coz the only thing you believe is right is yourself? Please make me understand.
I don't even know where to start. I don't even know where to run. I can't find the reason. I can't understand a thing. I am sorry to everyone I have disappointed. I am sorry for being such a failure. I am sorry for dragging you all to this sh*t I am in. I am so sorry. For everything.
Heya!
Been a while ey? Anyhow, here I am again, crying, alone. If there is one thing that I confirmed after all this sh*t, it's that I am the one that should be blamed. Not them, but myself. I am stupid. I am selfish. I am insecure. I am worthless. I am nothing. Nobody ever cares for me. Probably if I went missing tomorrow, nobody will ever notice. I am such a loser that deserves all these heartaches.
I have been here 3 years ago. And here I am again. Crying for the same reason. The one I love the most just gave up. I can't find any reason to strive. I'm falling apart. 💔
It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳
Over the past 5 years, tumblr has been my online diary. Writing my thoughts (especially when I am feeling sad and broken) has helped me a lot. I created this to ease the pain during those times when I feel alone and there is literally no one I can talk to. So, thank you tumblr! 🎉
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
EVERYTHING IS A LIE
I invested in love again. i really thought it was you that I will marry, the man that I will be with for the rest of my life. You made me believe that you'll not hurt me. Those stupid signs made me give my all, again. And now here I am, silently crying in my room. Making the world believe that I am fine, that I am happy. You made me believe in fairy tales again, but you just showed me that you were just a part of my once upon a time, but not my happily ever after. 😭
Never Worth The Risk
I thought I found "the one". I thought I had the man God prepared for me. I thought he will end all the pains and prove to me that I am and will always be worth it. Unfortunately, it failed again. And obviously, I am hurt again. Mainly the reason why I am writing again. I invested, again, and got hurt, again. After this, I really don't know if I will ever be ready to give my self to another man, to take the risk, to fall in love. Guess this is my fate, to always be lonely and single and a failure.
Confusions
Am I really in love? Or am I just in love with the thought of being in love? I am really confused right now. I have a boyfriend, and I am certain that I want him in my life. I am sure I love him, but is it this love enough? Lately I am having trust issues with my boyfriend and this feels very familiar. I have felt this during those times when my ex-boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up. Am I just overthinking again? Or are these my signs that I should give up with him? Why do I always have these kind of problems? Can’t I just be happy? Genuinely happy? Don’t I deserve it? :(
Signs
I have read a book lately, the protagonist wrote down 24 signs that will lead her to the right man, to the one God has prepared for her. She have been hurt with her previous relationships and don’t want to invest in love again, afraid that she might feel the same pain all over again, thus led her to the signs.
I found that lame at the beginning, but I realized that I am at exactly the same situation with her. I have been hurt and is still hurting. And so, I will make my own signs. Signs that will save me from being hurt, again.
Signs:
1. He’s a professional. An engineer perhaps (I am an engineer, too)
2. He knows how to sing and play the guitar (or any instruments)
3. He knows how to drive and owns either a motorbike or a car (don’t judge me, I am not a gold digger, I have my own car)
4. He’ll ask me to dance with him
5. He will give me a sunflower
6. We’ll watch fireworks together at the same time (be it personal or virtual)
7. Doesn’t have a single tattoo and doesn’t smoke (sorry, but not really a fan)
8. He will know me first before asking me on a date
9. He will have the characters I am looking for a man (career driven, family oriented, God centered)
10. He will ask me to go to church with him. :)
How to move on?
I have been writing here every time I feel sad and there is nobody I can talk to.
My previous posts were always because of the same man that I have been loving since 2017. And 2 months ago, we broke up. I just can’t continue to fight for a relationship with one sided love. I have a lot of what ifs, questions and doubts in my mind. He has been my comfort, my cheer, my hope, for over 4 years. It’s just very hard to continue living without him. I wanted to move on, but I don’t know how or where should I start. I just did not lost a boyfriend, I lost a best friend, a brother, a mentor. He was everything to me.
I know deep down in my heart, I have been telling myself that one day, he’ll realize that he still loves me and that I am the one that God has prepared for him. I don’t want to forget him nor our memories, but I wanted to overcome this pain so badly. Please help me, HOW TO MOVE ON?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
At The End
I ran to a random quote tonight. “Do not fall in love to a person who is not yet done loving somebody else because at the end, you might end up hurting”. Does love really have to be like this? Does it have to be this hard? Does it have to be this complicated? Does it have to hurt like this? Do I deserve this? Do I deserve to be treated like this? Do I have to feel all this pain to be happy? I have a lot of questions that I can’t find the answers. Well I guess, I’m just in love. And being in love means sacrifice.
Steps to Letting Go of Painful Memories
Experiences can leave us with some painful memories. They tie us to the past and prevent us moving on. And the only way to freedom is to work on letting go – so these memories don’t haunt us or keep us trapped in pain. Below are some guidelines to help you work on this.
1. Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesn’t work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what happened, in order to move on.
2. Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. There’s always a lesson – so look for what you’ve learned. It doesn’t make it better – but it does lessen its power.
3. Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you’re hit by old, painful memories. For example, if you’ve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: “My experience of abuse does not determine who I am. I’m a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. I’m choosing my own future, and the person I will be.”
4. Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often, till you mean it, then you’ll start to feel you’re freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when those old memories return.
5. Seek to be a person who’s a peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old thoughts and memories have much less power over how you think and feel. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.
6. When the past tries to intrude, focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in what’s happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply - and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; you’re not living in the past.
7. Forgive – for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened – then let resentments go. You don’t want them in your life for they’ll just tie you to the past. It’s not an ease process; it takes work and discipline. But it is worth the daily struggle - as one day you’ll be free.
Number 7, tho: Forgive - for your own sake.
