kelsie and milla

Jonathan’s apartment somehow looked sadder than it did the last time you visited it.

It was a few days after the two of you had the conversation about him moving with you. Since you no longer had your psychology class, he picked you up after your last class at the campus. He brought you to his apartment so you guys could pack the few belongings he had into his car to bring over.

“When’s your last day before break on the campus?” He asked as he mindlessly started taping his boxes up.

“It was today,” You replied, nosing around in the few that were still open, “I don’t think I did that good on my bio final, but I’m grateful to get a break,”

Most of his boxes were just clothes. Sweaters, blazers, ties, he dressed formally the majority of the time. The other boxes were filled with things like books, dishes, bathroom products, etc. You told him it would be best to sell his furniture, you didn’t think Chris would’ve wanted to swap out your guys’ vintage teal couch with his bleak, colorless IKEA one.

You were glad that he agreed to move in with you guys. There were many benefits to it, in your eyes. Not only would you be able to see him more, therefore pushing your relationship even farther, but you hoped the bright, feminine decor of your apartment would bring more color into his life, quite literally. You didn’t think that Jonathan understood that surrounding yourself with things you like will bring you more joy.

“I don’t know how much space we’ll have in our cupboards for your dishes,” You mumbled as you shifted through the bland bowls and plates in a nearby box, “Chris likes to thrift ours, they’re all different colors,”

“Can I ask you something,” He said, the loud squeaking of the packing tape stopping in his hands, “Why are you friends with Chris? You don’t seem very happy when she’s around,”

“We met my freshman year at GSU,” You explained, “We were dormmates,”

“She went to GSU?”

“Yeah,” You sighed, “She couldn’t afford to keep going so we decided to move out of the dorms,”

You stepped away from the box you were digging through to let him tape it closed before you continued.

“She loved going to parties and stuff,” You said, “Like at frat houses, it’s how she met Rex,”

You sighed again, running your hands through your hair tiredly.

“She was different before she met him. Less oblivious,” You said quietly, “All he does is get her intoxicated. She’s rarely sober and it’s his fault. It’s messing with her brain, y’know? She doesn’t see how distant and lifeless she is anymore,”

“I don’t know if lifeless is a good word to describe her,” Jonathan joked softly, “She’s a bit flamboyant,”

“She was different,” You replied, shaking your head, “She lost so much weight after meeting him. I was worried at first- she looked sick. Bags under her eyes, bruises up her arms. I think it was a combination of the drugs and the fact that Rex was always in her ear nagging her about her appearance,”

You played with the fraying corner of the cardboard box in front of you as you continued, “She was so bubbly, and kind,” You said, shaking your head again, “I want nothing more than to have her be as full of life as she was when we first met,”

“We could help her,” Jonathan said as he finished taping the last box, “We’ll both have more freetime over the summer. We could try to keep her sober,”

“It’s not that easy,” You explained, “It’s Rex that’s making the decisions for her. And none of us can tell him what to do- you saw how he responded when I tried kicking him out of our apartment,”

“We’ll figure it out,” He said, “You said you can’t call the cops because Chris has weed, right? We can get rid of that- we’re trying to keep her sober anyway,”

“There are worse things she's on than weed,”

The conversation ended as you helped him carry out the few boxes to load into his small car.

“Another thing,” You started slowly, “We don’t have a parking spot in our garage since neither Chris or I have a car, so you’ll have to park yours on the street,”

-

Your apartment was empty. Chris was working a late shift at the diner. The sun slowly lowering outside left a warm ambiance in the large living room through your large windows.

“I have an ensuite bathroom,” You explained as the two of you brought up the last of his boxes, “So you won’t have to worry about Chris or anything. It’s private,”

“I’m more worried about your privacy,” He said, setting his box down, “I really don’t want to intrude, and it’s your space,”

“It’s okay,” You reassured him again, “I’m glad you’re here. It’s really nice talking to someone about Chris. And if you really wanna help her, I’d appreciate it,”

“Well,” He laughed, “I am a psychologist. We’ll see if I can find a way to,”

It didn’t take long for the two of you to finish unpacking his things. By then, the sun had set completely, but Gotham was never dark. The city lights outside of your apartment windows shone through, the streets outside still noisy.

“I kind of hate living in the city,” You sighed, looking up.

You guys were standing out on your balcony with a glass of wine. You had to take advantage of the quiet apartment seeing as Chris and Rex weren’t there.

“You can’t see any stars,”

Jonathan looked up too, “I never realized you couldn’t see them out here,” he said distantly.

The front door of your apartment closed loudly, and the two of you spun around quickly. Chris was leaning against the wall kicking her sneakers off aggressively.

You quickly went inside before seeing that her makeup was running down her face. She had been crying.

“Ohhh wine,” She said, glancing at the glass in your hand. Her voice was nasally.

“What happened Chris?” You asked. Jonathan walked in behind you guys, cautiously closing the balcony door behind him.

“Nothing,” She said quickly, eying Jonathan behind you, “I’m fine, just having a bad night,”

“I can leave, if you’d like,” He said.

“No it’s fine,” She sighed as she took her hair out of her ponytail, “It’s just Rex being an asshole,”

She turned toward you again, reaching her hand out, “Nothing wine can’t fix,”

You pulled your hand away quickly, earning a frustrated expression from your friend.

“I don’t think you should keep drinking your problems away, Chris,” You said cautiously, watching as her frustrated expression deepened.

“What are you, my mom?” She crossed her arms angrily, “I’m the one buying the alcohol around here, y/n. If I stop, you won’t have any,”

“Fine by me,” You said, setting your glass down.

“I can buy alcohol,” Jonathan said from beside you.

You and Chris both turned towards him and you gave him a look. Definitely not helping.

“I’m 23,” He continued, looking over at Chris.

“Oh we get it we have a big adult man in the apartment now,” She rolled her eyes dramatically, “I don’t wanna change my lifestyle to accommodate whatever responsible adult one you’re trying to have, y/n,”

“That’s not what this is about,” You explained quickly, “It’s okay to drink, Chris, but to drink to cope is another thing,”

She frowned again before spinning around and angrily storming into her room.

“That could’ve gone worse,” Jonathan said from beside you.

You glared over at him, “You weren't helping,”

You groaned loudly, frustration taking over. Helping Chris was going to take a lot more than you thought it would. She didn’t understand how much she changed. She was more aggressive, more oblivious.

“I’m sorry she’s so rude,” You mumbled, turning towards Jonathan.

“She seemed upset,” He said, “It’s probably better to talk to her about it when her emotions aren’t so high,”

“Is that how you’re supposed to do it, Doctor?”

He smirked at you now, “Ideally, yeah,”

Quick author's note: If you’ve been reading this series and didn’t read the author’s note at the top of this post- pleaseeeee do! just me trying to explain my thought process behind this series :)

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You had finally gotten the chance to drag Jonathan out with your roommate and her boyfriend. Ever since the two of you made up, it was smooth sailing. When you weren’t studying for your other classes, you were with him.

Tonight, the four of you were at a dive bar in a sketchy part of Gotham. It was near the perimeter of the city, by the diner that Chris worked at. The lights inside were low, and loud rock music was playing over the speakers.

It was amusing to you to see Jonathan in a setting like this. His furrowed eyebrows as he watched Chris take three shots in a row from across the table, the glance he sent you when Rex started talking about taking shots off of her.

“We’re not clubbing, guys,” You reminded them, leaning across the old, wooden table.

You guys were sat in the corner of the bar, in a booth with leather seats. Jonathan sat stiffly beside you, his drink in front of him untouched. You could tell he was out of his element.

“Do you ever loosen up, man?” Rex said loudly, smirking at Jonathan.

“Excuse me?” He responded, more confusion masking his face.

“You just look like you’ve got a stick up your ass all the time bro,”

“Rex!” Chris pushed Rex playfully as she scolded him.

“Now you see why I don’t wanna be out with these two alone?” You said quietly as you leaned towards Jonathan.

He gave you a soft smile.

“I’m sorry I dragged you here,”

“It’s okay,” He replied quietly, “I just like being around you,”

You blushed and turned back towards Chris and Rex who were now lining up more shots in front of them.

“Do you guys really need to get shitfaced tonight?” You frowned, crossing your arms in disapproval.

“Oh now I see why you’re with him,” Rex laughed, “You’ve also got a stick up your ass,”

You rolled your eyes as they started taking more shots.

“Come on,” You pushed Jonathan out of the booth and led him quickly outside. It was dark, but in a city like Gotham, it was never quiet. You could hear music coming from surrounding buildings, people yelling a few blocks over, sirens in the distance. You enjoyed the lively city, it made it feel less lonely.

“I didn’t wanna be around them anymore,” You said, sitting on the curb outside the entrance.

“It’s okay,” He said as he sat down next to you.

“I usually just wait until they’re done fucking around then call a cab to take us all home,” You explained, “It’s not very fun,”

“I don’t mind,” Jonathan replied, “I’m just glad to be here with you,”

You blushed again, and scooted closer to him.

“It’s kind of cold, isn’t it?” You said quietly, waiting for him to make a move.

Rarely did he initiate anything physical between the two of you, and you often tried helping him.

He slowly reached over and grabbed your hand, holding it tightly in his much larger one.

“Is that what you wanted?” He smirked, earning a giggle from you.

You were grateful for this new relationship. You hadn’t been in one in a while, but it was already better than ones you’ve had in the past. At this point, you felt as if nothing could ruin it.

-

It was the last week of classes, and you walked into your Tuesday morning psychology class ten minutes early, as per usual, in a cheerful mood. Your mood faded quickly, however, when it wasn’t Jonathan at his desk, but an older man, with grey hair.

“Where’s Doctor Crane?” You asked the imposter. The desk was cleared completely, all of Jonathan’s items were gone.

“The school board let him go,” He said, handing you a paper from a pile with a statement on it. It explained that there would be no final, and everyone would be passing the class as compensation for cutting it off early.

“Let him go?” You asked, startled, “Why?”

“It’s not your business to know,” The man replied gruffly.

“I think it is,” You said quickly, “He was my professor, wasn’t he?”

“Just be thankful you have one less final to worry about,”

You frowned, now worried about what had happened to the professor. You left the large lecture hall and quickly dialled Jonathan’s number into your small phone.

It rang a few times before he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Jonathan?” You said quickly, thankful he was at least okay enough to answer the phone, “What happened? Where are you?”

He sighed deeply on the other end before responding, “Let me pick you up,”

You ran to the other side of the campus where the main road was and waited patiently for his car to pull up. It was small and silver and when you hopped into the passenger seat you noted how clean it was, most likely because he never drove it. When the two of you first met, he mentioned that he took the bus because he didn’t like parking downtown.

“The guy in the hall said you got let go,” You said, turning towards him as he pulled back onto the street.

“Yea,” He replied, “They found out about that stuff at the party,”

“Jesus,”

“I have to find a new job before it gets out,” He explained, “It shouldn’t be too hard,”

“What about your rent?” You asked, watching as his expression faltered for a moment, “Can you afford it until then?”

“I was already behind,” He said as he shook his head, “I’ll figure something out,”

“You can move in with us,” You said quickly. It left your mouth before you really thought about the implications.

He turned towards you with a startled expression, “I can’t ask that of you,”

“It’s okay,” You explained, “The apartment is so big- it really wouldn’t be a big deal,”

“I can’t help you guys pay any of the rent,”

“My dad pays for most of it, remember?” You wanted desperately to help him without him feeling too guilty about it.

He sighed as he pulled into a spot on the road outside of your apartment.

“You could share my bed,” You offered quietly.

He looked over at you again, this time with a solemn expression.

“I couldn’t ask that of you,” He repeated.

“I know it’s a huge step in a relationship,” You said as you leaned toward him, “And ours is still so fresh, but, I think we’ll be okay. I mean, what else are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” He said quietly, looking down to his lap. His hand went to his hair, running through it, softly sweeping it out of his face.

“This was my first job,” He explained sadly, “And they gave it to me because they really felt like I deserved it. I really earned it,”

“I’m sorry,” You reached over and grabbed his hand softly, “You don’t have to worry about moving in with us, I wouldn’t mind the extra time I get to spend with you,”

“Okay,” He said finally, looking up at you, “I don’t really think I have another choice,”

You smiled and leaned across his middle console to kiss his cheek softly.

“It’ll be great,” You said as you pulled away, “You’re just gonna have to deal with Chris and Rex as much as I do,”

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You sat on your bed with your motorola pressed against the side of your head uncomfortably as you attempted to untie your sneakers.

“Are you staying safe?” Your mothers voice came through the silver phone loudly, “Do you still carry that pepper spray I gave you?”

“Yes Mom,” You replied dully, finally kicking your sneakers off and laying your back down flat on your bed. The ceiling above you was bumpy and rough, and you noticed flimsy spiderwebs in the corners for the first time.

“Are there cute boys in any of your classes?”

You bit your lip nervously.

“There was one,” You replied cautiously.

“Is he nice? What’s his major? Do you guys live in the same part of the city?” Her questions flooded into your head quickly overwhelming you. You sat up quickly running your hands through your hair, frustrated.

“I don’t know,” You sighed, not really wanting to talk to her about it. You regretted telling her at all.

“Well, what class are you guys in?”

“Psychology,” You answered nervously.

“Is he majoring in it or is he just taking it as a requirement like you?”

“Um, he did major in it,”

Silence.

“Wait what?” She sounded confused, “If he already majored in it why is he taking a 100 level class,”

“He’s not taking it, Mom, he’s the professor,”

There was a moment of silence again before her tone changed completely, and what was once a nice phone call with your mother quickly turned into a lecture.

“I don’t want you ending up like your sister,” She said sternly through the plastic speakers, “I thought you were better than this. Were you failing the class or something? You can’t just use your body to get what you want, y/n, that’s not how the world works,”

“That’s not why I was seeing him, Mom,” You sighed as sadness started to overwhelm you, “I don’t even think it’s gonna work out,”

“Age gaps rarely do,” She replied.

“He’s only 23,”

“And a professor?”

This phone call started to feel like an interrogation.

“I have to go Mom,” You said, “It was nice catching up,”

You hung up quickly and tossed the small flip phone to the side. You could feel a meltdown start to brew up inside you and you got up to quickly pace around your small bedroom.

Why would you tell your mother about a relationship that you weren’t sure of anymore? You wanted to stay with him so badly, but you could tell that the two of you just didn’t share the same morals. Could you change him? Could you fix him?

You groaned loudly before flopping back down on your bed. You were starting to sound like Chris- and the last thing you wanted was a relationship like hers.

A loud knock came from your bedroom door. Speak of the devil.

Chris had her bleached hair curled and pulled back in a ponytail, an excited expression, and a large bottle of vodka in her right hand.

“Pregame shots!” She yelled loudly, before looking over your outfit. A sweater and leggings after a long day at school.

“Why aren’t you ready yet?” She asked, lowering the bottle, “We’re supposed to leave in 30 minutes,”

“I don’t wanna go tonight, Chris,” You said solemnly.

“What the hell? We made these plans weeks ago,” She said, setting the bottle down and crossing her arms angrily, “We never go out anymore,”

“Jonathan and I got in an argument earlier,” You started to explain.

“Oh my god, so what,” She rolled her eyes dramatically, “You just met the guy, y/n. I bet if you go out with us tonight, you’ll quickly find a better guy to replace him,”

You glared at her, “I really like him Chris,”

She frowned.

“Okay whatever,” She said, swooping the bottle back into her grasp, “Enjoy sulking in an empty apartment alone all night,”

You shut your bedroom door once she spun around and walked off. You couldn’t believe how shitty of a friend she’d been recently. You really weren’t in the mood to go out. She didn’t understand how much you actually liked Jonathan.

-

The next few days you busied yourself with doing the schoolwork for your other classes. It was midterms week, and spending your days studying kept you from thinking about the argument you had with Jonathan.

Once Tuesday rolled around, you decided to skip your psychology class. You hadn’t thought about what you were going to say to him yet, and didn’t feel like seeing him that day.

You weren’t worried about missing out on the midterm either. You decided you couldn’t care less about the class, and if he didn’t decide to pass you, you’d just retake it with a different professor. It was hard for you to pay attention in that class with Jonathan there and you weren’t picking up any of the material anyway.

You spent the free period at a cafe on campus, your nose in an econ textbook, desperately trying to retain as much information as you could. It was hard, you couldn’t stop thinking about Jonathan. How could you get so distraught over a man you just got with?

You liked him too much to give up on him completely. If he really meant it when he said he wouldn’t do it again, you’d try to forget that it ever happened. Maybe you could fix him.

The metal chair across the small table you were sat at squeaked loudly as it was pulled out on the linoleum floor. You looked up from your textbook and watched as Jonathan sat down in front of you.

“You skipped my class,” He said, setting his bag down on the table.

You silently held up your econ book, and went back to reading it.

“Y/n,” He said, reaching over and pulling the book down so he could see you, “Can we talk about this?”

“How did you find me?” You asked, closing the textbook.

“Your bus doesn’t leave until after my class ends, but you were already here for your bio class, so I knew you’d still be on the campus,”

“You’re distracting me from studying for my midterms,” You replied grumpily.

“Well you skipped mine,”

“No offense, but I really don’t care if I pass your class or not,”

He frowned.

“Is there something I can do that can fix this?” He asked quietly. Once again, he looked like an abandoned puppy, confused and unsure of what to do. The effort he was putting in was making you feel a lot better about the situation.

“Don’t test your toxin on anyone anymore,”

“I won't,”

You weren’t sure if you could take his word or not. This toxin was something that he put a lot of time and effort into. Furthermore, it was something that he was really passionate about. Was it really something that he’d give up for some girl that he met a few weeks ago?

“Would you actually give it up to stay with me?” You asked quietly.

His shoulders stiffened underneath his blazer, and he stayed quiet.

“We just met, Jonathan,” You continued, “This is the point in a relationship where boundaries are set, and you have to decide whether or not it’s worth it to stay with a person,”

“And you won’t stay with me if I continue with my toxin?” He asked, adjusting his glasses nervously.

“No,” You replied, “It doesn’t align with my morals,”

“Then I’ll stop,”

“Is it worth it?” You asked him nervously, “Would you rather stay with me than work on something that you’re passionate about?”

He nodded quickly.

You shoved your textbook into your bag and quickly stood up from the small table, Jonathan following suit.

“I’m glad we could work this out,” You said as you watched him stiffly adjusting his suit, “I really like you,”

He smiled at you softly, “I really like you too,”

The butterflies in your stomach made it feel like you were experiencing feelings for another person for the first time. Like a preteen experiencing her first crush on the playground. You were glad he found you to talk it out.

You started to wonder if you would’ve actually left him if he said he wouldn’t stop. Even though you just got together, he was almost all you thought about. It felt like a virus taking over every thought you had.

You were unsure of your ability to leave him, even if you wanted to.

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Things were finally going how you wanted them to. No more stupid fear toxin, no more drugging your roommates boyfriend, and finally a blossoming relationship between you and your teacher crush.

Thursday rolled around quickly, and this time, you had done the homework he previously assigned.

“When was the last time you actually turned in an assignment,” He smirked as you proudly handed him the papers that afternoon.

“I think it was the first week,” You laughed, earning a soft smile from your professor.

“Are we doing anything tonight?” You asked, leaning casually against his large desk.

There was about 15 minutes until the class started, and the lecture hall was empty. You liked going in early to have time to talk to Jonathan before any of your classmates showed up.

“If you’d like,”

“Chris wanted me to invite you to go out with us tonight,” You said, watching as a nervous expression clouded his face, “We were gonna go bar hopping, and I really don’t wanna third wheel her and Rex,”

“So you’re basically saying I have to go,” He laughed nervously.

God you loved that laugh.

“Basically,” You giggled. You almost hated how much control this man had over you. You were completely infatuated by him.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” You started, looking down to fumble with the edge of your shirt awkwardly, “Could we make this official?”

“What do you mean?” You looked up at him again, sitting there like a lost puppy, always confused.

“Can I call you my boyfriend?” You asked, nervously watching as his eyes lit up.

“Really?” He asked, straightening up in his chair, “You’d want that?”

Seeing the difference between how he reacted to romantic attention now, versus how he did when you two first met, was relieving to you. He was finally getting more comfortable around you, which you really appreciated.

“Obviously I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t,”

“Okay,” For the first time, you saw him look completely relaxed. No stiffness in his posture, no fumbling hands or tripping over his words, just comfortable.

“As my boyfriend,” You said, spinning around his desk so you were now next to him, “You have to go out with me tonight so I don’t third wheel my roommate and her shitty boyfriend,”

“I think I can handle that,” He said, looking up at you.

You leaned down, pushing his shoulder back into his chair, before kissing him deeply. His hands, now fumbling, softly pushed you away at your hips. You leaned off of him quickly.

“What if someone walks in?” He asked, his face now a blushing mess.

“Okay okay,” You giggled, stepping away, “I won’t kiss you here,”

Just then, as if on cue, a student walked into the echoing lecture hall. You slung your bag nonchalantly over your shoulder and made your way towards a desk near the back of the hall as the student handed Jonathan, who was still a bit red, their assignment.

As the class slowly flooded in, you were occupying yourself with your mechanical pencil in front of you, fumbling with the tiny pieces of led.

“Hey,”

You turned towards the quiet voice, coming from a classmate a few desks away from yours. He was leaning across awkwardly, with a nervous expression.

“Yes?” You asked, abandoning your mission with the pencil.

“Were you at Cassandra’s party last night?” He asked, his voice still low.

Cassandra? Were you supposed to know the names of your classmates? Did people actually socialize here?

“Um, no,” You awkwardly replied, “Why?”

“Doctor Crane was there,” He said, sending a nervous glance towards Jonathan at the front of the hall who was busy talking to another student.

Your classmate had your full attention now.

“He was?” You asked, lowering your voice too now as you turned to face him, “Why?”

“He had this shit he called ‘party potion’ some hallucinogen,”

Your stomach dropped.

“It was weird,” Your classmate explained, “Everyone that drank it had really fucking horrible trips. It was like the worst party I’ve ever been to, people were screaming and shit,”

You didn’t know how to respond. How could Jonathan do this and not tell you? He was respecting your wishes of not being involved with the toxin anymore, but you specifically told him he shouldn’t test it on innocent people. People who didn’t know what they were consenting to.

“I know,” Your classmate continued, replying to your shocked expression, “Some people haven’t even recovered from it, they’re like, totally tripping still,”

You turned towards the front of the room now, to see Jonathan looking at you from his desk. His eyes glanced between you and your classmate beside you who was leaning across a whole desk to talk to you. The professor sent you a confused glance, most likely to your shocked expression.

“What kind of professor hands out shitty ass hallucinogens at some random ass house party?”

You turned back towards your classmate, finally responding softly, “I don’t know,”

-

After what seemed like an eternity, the class finally ended. You didn’t wait for everyone to leave the hall this time, instead, you rushed to pack your bag then quickly made your way up to the front.

“You went to a party last night?” You asked, not bothering to keep your voice down.

Jonathan looked up from the papers in front of him with a confused expression, his eyebrows heavily furrowed.

“What?” He asked, awkwardly adjusting his glasses which had been sliding down the bridge of his nose.

“You went to a party last night,” You repeated. Some classmates that were still packing their school bags nearby shot the two of you confused glances.

Jonathan's expression hardened quickly, and he leaned forward with a low voice, “What are you talking about?”

“That guy that sits next to me told me,” You said, crossing your arms across your chest angrily, “What the hell, Jonathan?”

“Could you not have waited to talk about this until everyone left?” He asked, his voice still low. You could tell he was getting frustrated.

“No,” You said quickly, “I told you that testing that shit on innocent, non-consenting people is inhumane and you did it anyway,”

Finally, the last students exited the hall. Jonathan stood up from his desk chair, adjusting his blazer stiffly.

“You told me you didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore,” He explained, “So I didn’t tell you. I thought that's what you wanted?”

“Yea it was,” You said quickly, “But how could you do something like this?”

“Something like what?”

“It’s inhumane, Jonathan,” You repeated, “Why would you do that? Do you not have any remorse?”

He didn’t reply.

“Oh my god,” You sighed as you turned away from him, your hand massaging the bridge of your nose as a headache grew quickly.

“I won’t keep doing it,”

You turned to face him again, “I don’t understand how you did it in the first place,”

“I told you I needed to test it,”

“Why is testing your toxin more important than the mental state of your students?”

He didn’t reply again.

“Forget it,” You said, throwing your hands in the air dramatically, “We’re not going out tonight, I need a second to think,”

He watched as you angrily stormed out of the hall, the heavy door slamming behind you loudly. You weren’t sure what to think. You never really knew him, even though you thought you were starting to. Was this something that you would be able to continue?

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After Jonathan left that night you were left to dwell in the realization of how much control this man had over you. Your own morals, now askew, all thanks to a man you had only met a few weeks prior. Were you really gonna let him drug Rex? As horrible as Rex was, nobody deserves to go through that amount of fear without their consent.

You started thinking about what kind of man Jonathan had to be to be okay with something like that. You didn't know him as well as you thought you did, it seemed.

-

You went all weekend without seeing Jonathan. As much as you missed him, part of you knew that the next time you saw him he’d want to talk about his toxin and Rex as a guinea pig. You decided that after this, you didn't want to have anything to do with that toxin anymore. It just didn’t align with your morals. Plus, you wanted whatever was going on between you and Jonathan to be more than just psychology and fear.

You got to his class ten minutes early Tuesday morning, groggy and hungover from drinking with Chris the night prior. The fluorescent lights in the lecture hall made your head spin when you first walked in. It was empty besides Jonathan at his desk at the front, so you walked over as he sat with his eyes glued to the screen, typing away.

“Good morning,” You mumbled.

He stopped typing and looked up at you quickly, then down to your empty hands.

“You didn’t do the paper I assigned?” He asked, leaning back in his desk chair.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you raked your brain trying to remember him assigning a paper.

“On animal testing in the world of psychology,” He reminded you, his arms crossing.

It didn’t sound familiar at all. Then you remembered.

“I fell asleep in class Thursday,” You said, defending yourself quickly, “I didn’t hear you assign it,”

“I sent out an email as well,”

You let out a quiet ‘oh’ before awkwardly rocking back and forth slowly in place.

“I’ll let it slide again,” He said, standing up, “Consider this thing with Rex as extra credit,”

He gave you a soft smirk and you awkwardly let out a sigh.

“About that…” You trailed off awkwardly.

“You don’t wanna do it anymore?”

“We can do it,” You continued, hesitantly, “It’s just, after this, I don’t wanna have anything to do with that toxin anymore,”

“But you’ve been such a great partner with it,” He said, confused.

“Seriously Jonathan,” You gave him an upset look, “Is that the only reason you’re with me? Because I help you with your weird little experiments?”

He didn’t answer at first, and you stepped away from his desk.

Just then, a student walked into the silent lecture hall and made their way to a desk at the front of the room.

“No, it’s not,” Jonathan finally said, quietly.

“I don’t believe you,” You said harshly back. You spun around on your heel as you made your way to a desk, ending the conversation.

More students started to slowly trickle into the lecture hall before class finally began. You sat with your head down the entire period, not wanting to even look at him. You knew that the way you had snapped at him hurt his feelings, but you were tired of not knowing his true intentions. The headache you were experiencing continued to pound as the lights above you flickered quickly as you thought more about if dating him was worth it at all.

You really liked him, but were his red flags something you were able to look past? Were you happy enough?

As the class ended, you sat slumped in your chair waiting for everyone to leave until it was just you and Jonathan again. You slowly made your way back down to his desk where he stood packing his bag with last week's papers. He looked up at you cautiously, not saying anything.

“Rex is staying over tonight,” You mumbled, avoiding eye-contact, “If you wanted to come over and do it,”

“I’d like to do something else instead,” He said, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“Why?” You asked, monotone, as you finally looked up at him.

“So you’ll believe that it’s not the only reason I’m seeing you,”

You sighed deeply, turning away. You didn’t know what to believe anymore.

“We don’t have to do the thing with Rex at all anymore, if you really don’t want to,” He continued.

“I don’t,” You said softly, “I just wanna be with you, instead of worrying about all of this,”

You looked back over at him and he was staring at you with a confused expression.

“I really like you Jonathan,” You said, stepping towards him, “I want us, without drugs or guinea pigs, or scary things,”

His expression faltered, and for a moment you thought he was about to cry.

“Can we go to my apartment?” He asked softly, “I can make dinner,”

You smiled softly, nodding, “I’d like that,”

-

You hadn’t been to his apartment since you tried the toxin, and being there again made you uneasy.

He made his way towards the kitchen, talking distantly about the different kinds of pastas in his cupboards. You weren’t really listening though. Instead, you were examining how blank the walls of his apartment were. There was nothing hanging up, no picture frames, no art pieces, nothing. In fact, there was no decoration anywhere. Furthermore, almost none of his items had any color.

You wanted to know more about him, and his apartment wasn’t helping you with anything. You turned around as you watched him turn his stove on to boil some water, a box of spaghetti sitting beside him on the counter.

“Why are you afraid of crows?” You asked quietly.

He turned around, confusion masking his expression. Slowly, his features softened and he let out a soft sigh, turning his attention back towards the stove.

“When I was a kid my grandmother use to experiment with all sorts of chemicals,” He explained quietly, not looking back at you, “She had this one that would just completely enrage birds,”

You stood silently behind him wondering if it was a question you should’ve asked. You wanted to get to know him more, obviously, but it seemed that you somehow managed to ask the most intimate question you could.

“She would soak this suit made of burlap sacks and make me wear it,” He paused for a moment, “Kind of like a scarecrow,”

He poured the pasta into the boiling water before continuing.

“There was this church by our house, the Keeny’s family chapel, and it had this huge crows nest in it,” He turned to face you hesitantly now, “She would lock me inside and let them attack me,”

You slowly walked over to him as he awkwardly avoided eye contact.

“I’m sorry,” You said softly, grabbing his hands, “You didn’t deserve that, especially as a child,”

He looked up at you now, and you could see how hurt he was by just telling the story.

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore,” You reassured him before stepping away and letting him finish the pasta.

The two of you ate silently, not really knowing what else to talk about. You felt as if every time you asked him a question, it had some sort of traumatizing answer.

“Do you like TV?” You asked awkwardly, after a few minutes of silence.

He looked up at you from across the small table, his fork hanging awkwardly in his hand hovering above his plate.

“Not really,” He answered monotone.

“I watch a lot of TV with Chris,” You said, trying to continue the conversation, “Our favorite show is Law and Order,”

Silence fell between the two of you again and eventually you both finished your plates.

“So you’ve never had a girlfriend,” You said cautiously trying to change the subject to something different, “But have you ever had a crush on someone before?”

“Um, yeah,” He said quietly.

“How was that,” You asked, encouraging him to go on.

“Her name was Sherry,” He explained, “I asked her to prom senior year and her boyfriend beat me half to death before locking me in a locker for five hours,”

You sat silently shocked as he looked up at you.

“I’m sorry,” He said, sitting up, “I keep trauma dumping,”

“It’s okay,” You mumbled slowly, “I’m just trying to get to know you a little better,”

“My favorite color is green,” He joked softly, “And my birthday is November 16th,”

“A Scorpio?” You giggled, earned an endearing look from the doctor in front of you.

“You’re into that kind of stuff?” He enquired, “Like all those horoscopes in the papers?”

“Chris likes to read them,” You explained, “It’s kind of scary how accurate it is sometimes,”

A moment of silence passed.

“You don’t really have a lot of decorations here,” You said, motioning to the plain apartment you both were sitting in.

“I don’t have anything to put out I guess,”

“If I gave you a little photo of me would you hang it up?” You asked, flirtatiously leaning across the table.

He blushed deeply, but didn’t look away, “I think I’d keep it in my wallet, so I can look at it whenever I want,”

It was your turn to blush now.

“I’ll have to find a good one,” You said, leaning back into your chair.

“I’m sorry I upset you earlier,” He said softly, “and that I made you feel like that was the only reason I was with you,”

“Well you don’t really flirt with me all that much,” You explained honestly, “It sometimes makes me feel like you’re not into me,”

“I am into you,” He said hesitantly, “It’s hard for me to express that I guess,”

“It’s okay,” You reassured him quickly, “You don’t have a good history with affection, from what I can tell,”

“I appreciate you a lot, y/n,”

You blushed again.

“Can we watch a show or something?” You asked, looking over at the small television that sat in front of his couch.

“I don’t have cable,”

“Okay,” You looked back over at him with a smirk, “Then we can just sit on the couch and get right to making out,”

He froze in place, and looked obviously uncomfortable.

“That’s why you watch TV on dates,” You explained, “So you can sit on the couch and it eventually leads to making out… or other things I guess,”

“I didn’t know that was a thing,” He said awkwardly.

“Yea guys try to do it all the time on dates,” You rolled your eyes, “All men want is to get in your pants,”

“That’s not what I want,” Jonathan said, straightening up in the chair across from you.

“What?” You giggled, “I mean, it’d be okay if you did, like just a little,”

His expression stalled on his face, and you could tell he didn’t know how to respond.

“Seriously Jonathan,” You leaned across the table towards him again, “We’re dating, you can admit that you find me sexually attractive,”

When he didn’t respond, you continued, “I mean, I do, with you,”

“Okay,” He shot up suddenly from his chair and rushed to his front door, “It’s been a nice night but I have to sleep soon, I have a class in the morning,”  

You sat frozen in your chair for a moment, before awkwardly standing up.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” You said, slinging your bag over your shoulder before walking over to him, “It’s okay if you don’t see my that way,”

“I do,” He said quietly, letting out a shaky breath.

You smiled up at him softly. Grabbing his tie like you once did before, you pulled him down towards you to kiss him again. This time, he kissed you back. You took this as an opportunity to run your fingers through his dark hair, keeping his head pulled towards you, deepening the kiss further. His hands snaked around your waist cautiously.

You pulled away giggling, “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”

A deep blush set into his cheeks and you quickly kissed him again before letting go and leaving his apartment.

“I’ll see you Thursday!” You yelled cheerfully as you left the blushing professor standing frozen in his doorway.

Tag List

“We can go back to my apartment,” You said as you settled into the seat next to Jonathan on the bus, “Chris has a shift until midnight,”

He nodded silently.

“I’m sorry about last time,” You said, blushing, “I didn’t want you meeting Rex, and Chris usually isn’t that drunk,”

“It’s alright,” He said, offering a reassuring smile. His posture tensed up after you mentioned going back to your empty apartment though, and you hoped he didn’t think you were trying to sleep with him.

“How can you guys afford living in such a large apartment?” He asked after a moment of silence, “If you don’t mind me asking- unless Chirs makes an obscene amount of money from waitressing at the diner?”

“I pay most of the rent and bills,” You explained, “My dad makes a lot of money back in Oregon, he sends me a certain amount monthly for bills and stuff. He pays for my schooling too,”

Jonathan nodded silently again, waiting for you to continue. The bus creaked loudly as it stopped and several people passed your guys’ seats to get out. 

“It’s because he feels bad,” You said, quieter now as the bus started moving again, “He left my mom when I was young then made no effort to raise me. Now he just sends me money to fill whatever guilt he has from it,”

Jonathan watched you closely as you awkwardly played with the hem of your shirt.

“As long as I’m in school he’ll keep sending the money,” You mumbled, “I don’t even want my degree anymore,”

“What are you getting it in?”

“Technically it’s business,” You said, laughing slightly, “But I have no interest in that. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing anymore,”

“Most Juniors feel like that,”

“I’m a Sophomore,”

He freezed completely beside you.

“So, you’re what… 20?” He asked cautiously.

“I feel like there’s worse age gaps,” You said, defensively furrowing your eyebrows.

“I just didn’t realize you were so young,”

“It’s three years Jonathan,” You laughed, “Get off your high horse,”

The bus pulled up at your stop and you quickly led him off and down the block towards your apartment building. A chill autumn breeze swept past and you tightened your jacket around your frame awkwardly.

“I can’t believe we didn’t even know each other's ages,” You said, mindlessly kicking a rock as the two of you walked down the cracked sidewalk, “We really don’t know much about each other,”

“I can’t believe I assumed you were a Junior,” Jonathan mumbled, deep in thought, “You’re very mature for your age,”

“Again,” You stopped suddenly in front of him causing him to awkwardly halt so as to not bump into you, “It’s a three year age gap, you’re not significantly older than me,”

“Alright alright,” He smiled, following you as you started walking again.

“So you don’t like your father much,” He said, earning a nod from you, “Are you close with your mother?”

“Kind of,” You shrugged as the two of you approach your building, “I mean she raised me but I don’t really keep in touch with her,”

“Did she ever remarry after your father?”

“Oh yea,” You laughed as you typed in the code to get into the building, “Several times, none of them worked out though,”

“Really?”

“Marriage never really works out in my family,” You said softly, leading him to the elevator.

“I’m sorry,”

“It’s alright,” You smile, trying to lighten the mood, “I’ve given up on the idea of it,”

You looked away, missing a confused look from him.

Once the two of you reached your apartment, you went straight for the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Chris’ wine.

“I do believe it’s your turn to tell me about your family,” You said, pouring the both of you a glass, “Are you close with your parents?”

“I never knew them,” He said, taking the glass you handed him, “My mother had me out of wedlock and it upset my grandmother so much that she took me to raise by herself,”

You stared at him awkwardly for a moment before setting the wine bottle down softly.

“You never even met them?” You asked before taking a quick sip from your glass.

He shook his head and looked away from you, his eyes dancing over the contents of your kitchen mindlessly.

“Were you close with your grandmother then?”

“No,” He said sternly, his posture stiffening again, “The deep rooted anger she had for my mother she took out on me,”

You stood frozen for a moment before awkwardly placing your wine glass down on the granite countertop.

“She hit you?”

He looked back over at you now, still tense, “She did more than that,” He said quietly, “It’s not something that I need to get into,”

“Right,” You said quickly, “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to pry,”

“It’s okay,” He said, looking away again, “I left the second I graduated high school. I came here to go to GSU. I had a full ride so I didn’t need her help,”

“Damn,” You said, watching him closely as his eyes glanced over the pictures of you, Chris, and Rex that were taped to your fridge, “Did you like high school then? It sounds like you were really successful during it,”

“The academic work was easy,” He said before taking a sip of his wine, “But I was heavily bullied,”

You awkwardly nodded, taking a mental note to stop asking questions.

“They made fun of me for my body frame,” He said uncomfortably, still avoiding eye contact, “I was too tall and skinny,”

“I like your body,”

He looked over at you now, his whole body stiffening uncomfortably. He looked nervous.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” You said quickly, “I just think that…”

You trailed off quietly, not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was. He kept the eye contact with you intensely, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion.

“I find you very physically attractive,” You said awkwardly, a deep blush setting into your cheeks, “Is that so surprising?”

“Yes,” He said, his expression staying stagnant.

“Well..” You awkwardly looked away, his gaze increasingly making you more and more insecure, “We’re dating… and I wouldn’t date someone that I didn’t find physically attractive,”

When he didn’t respond you looked back over at him. He was staring down into his glass of wine deep in thought.

“I’m sorry,”

“Why are you apologizing?” He asked, looking up at you now.

“I just feel like I made you uncomfortable,”

He didn’t respond again, and instead awkwardly set his wine glass down on the counter next to yours.

“Have you ever been with someone before?” You asked, watching him closely.

He looked up at you with a different look this time. It wasn't uncomfortable or tense, it was insecure, frightened even.

“No,” He said after a moment of silence. He looked away from your gaze again.

The both of you shared a moment of silence, the only noise coming from the muffled Gotham traffic outside and some loud footsteps from your neighbors above.

“Are you interested in dating me at all?” You asked quietly, a growing insecurity forming inside you.

He looked over at you awkwardly, his hands fumbling to rest inside his pockets.

“I am,” He said, a blush forming, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing,”

“It’s okay,”

Before anything else could be said, the front door of your apartment was flung open. Jonathan's tense frame beside you jumped quickly.

“Whaddup bitches,”

Rex rounded the corner from the front door to lean casually in the opening to the kitchen, trapping you and Jonathan inside.

“What are you doing here, Rex,” You said angrily. Jonathan reached for his wine glass beside you and quickly downed the rest of it in one swig.

“I’m crashing here tonight,” He explained, watching Jonathan with an impressed expression, “Our apartment flooded,”

You closed your eyes for a moment to focus on your breathing so you wouldn’t explode in front of Jonathan.

“I won’t bother you guys, don’t worry,” Rex said, putting his hands up defensively, “You won’t even know I’m here,”

You and Jonathan watched as he spun around and flung himself onto the couch, quickly turning on the TV. The Simpsons theme played loudly from it and he made no effort in turning it down.

The growing frustration inside you started to boil over and you leaned on the counter beside you for a moment to try and control it.

“I can leave, if you want,” Jonathan whispered beside you.

“No,” You said quickly. You grabbed his upper arm and led him out of the kitchen and past Rex on the couch into your bedroom. You slammed the door loudly behind you, frustrated at the fact that you could hear the TV playing outside still.

“God I hate him so much,” You said, angrily pacing in front of Jonathan, who was distracted with the contents of your bedroom, “He literally doesn’t care about how any of his actions affects others,”

Jonathan wandered over to your bookshelf silently, his eyes quickly glancing over each title on every book spine. You stopped pacing, watching him cautiously.

“Don’t judge me too hard,”

He turns to look at you with a playful grin on his face.

“You have a lot of romance for someone who’s given up on the idea,” He said, looking back over at your books.

“I gave up on the idea of marriage,” You clarified, walking over toward him, “Not love in general,”

He looked down at you now as you were right next to him. Some silence passed as you both stared at each other for a moment. You took this as your chance and quickly yet awkwardly pulled him down towards you by his tie, kissing him softly. His frame was tense, and he didn’t exactly kiss you back, but he didn’t pull away until you did.

He stared at you shocked for a moment before straightening his posture up again.

“Was that okay?” You asked, watching him closely.

He seemed at a loss for words, still staring at you. He nodded slowly, trying to regain his composure.

“You’ve never kissed anyone before, have you?” You asked, noting how red his face had turned.

“Is it obvious?” He asked, embarrassed.

“No,” You laughed, your hand still on his tie, “I was just wondering,”

You played with the silk tie in your hand for a moment, examining the deep blue shade before letting go of it and stepping away.

“I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries,” You said quietly.

“You didn’t,” He said, still watching you tensely.  

Rex laughing loudly from the living room filled the silence in your room and you rolled your eyes, irritated. Jonathan loosened up now, smiling at you softly as he fondly watched you storm over to your bedroom door, throwing it open.

“Dude,”

Rex looked over at you from his relaxed position on the couch, his arm elbow deep in a bag of chips.

“What’s up?” He asked before shoving his face with a handful.

“You have to leave,” You said, angrily crossing your arms over your chest, “Crash somewhere else, seriously,”

“Christina said I could stay here,” He said defensively, sitting up suddenly from his relaxed position.

Jonathan had walked over to the door to stand beside you now, sending you a confused glance before looking out towards Rex.

“I don’t care what Chris said,”

“Think about it this way,” Rex started, setting the chips down on the coffee table in front of him before wiping his hands off sloppily on his shirt, “I’m three times your size and you couldn’t get me out of here even if you wanted to,”

You didn’t respond, and felt Jonathan tense up beside you.

“Is he threatening you?” He asked quietly, watching you closely.

“Unless either of you wanna try?” Rex continued from the couch, throwing his hands out.

You stepped back into your room and pulled Jonathan out of the way before closing your door again in defeat.

“He can’t threaten you like that,” Jonathan said, watching as you rubbed your head tiredly, “It’s your apartment, you can call the police to get him out,”

“I can’t call the cops,” You mumbled, walking over to your bed to sit down, “Chris smokes weed, they could find it,”

He continued watching you as you groaned loudly, pulling at the roots of your hair out of frustration.

“I could get him out,” He said sternly. You looked up at him, noticing how tense he still was.

“No offense Jonathan,” You said, standing up again to walk back towards him, “He’s got a bit of muscle on you,”

“I could use my toxin,” He said, looking down at you now, “He would be the perfect person to test it on- I’ve been meaning to test a liquidized version of it on someone-”

“Wait what?” You interrupted him quickly backing away, “You can’t test your fear toxin on my roommates boyfriend, Jonathan,”

“Why not?” He asked, confused, “Think about it, Y/N, if anyone really deserves to be tested on, wouldn’t it be him?”

You stopped for a moment, trying to rationalize what he was saying in your head.

“Come on, I’m sure he’s done worse than that,” Jonathan whispered, walking over to you, “You didn’t seem that surprised by a threat,”

“He’s hit Chris before,” You mumbled, looking away, “He cheats on her all the time,”

“See?” He reached his hands out now, grabbing your hips softly and pulling you towards him slightly, “Can you think of anyone better to test it on?”

You were so shocked at his physical advancements that you shook your head mindlessly agreeing with him.

“Rex,” You say loudly, stepping out of your room again a few minutes later, “Jonathan has this alcohol that he gets from some students at the university called ‘Party Potion’ that it’s harder than anything you’ve ever drank before,”

Rex sits up, intrigued, “Really?”

“Yes,” Jonathan steps into the doorframe beside you, “It’s basically a hallucinogen but it’s impossible to track since it’s in alcohol, so you won’t get caught like you could with tabs or pills,”

“Do you have it on you now?”

“No,” Jonathan said quickly, “But I can get you some the next time I come over,”

“Nice,” Rex said, smiling over at you, “It’s about time you brought a guy home with some use,”

You nodded shamefully, still unsure as to whether or not you wanted to drug him. You couldn’t help but consider it though, especially considering how much you trusted Jonathan’s judgement. And he thought it was a great idea.

Tag List!

You woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and the sun shining through your large window. You sat up quickly trying to regain some composure as you realized you were on the floor of your bedroom. You quickly gasped and jumped up as you remembered that the serum had knocked you out completely the night before. The digital clock told you that your psych class was going to start in 15 minutes. You cursed quickly under your breath as you attempted to get ready quickly before sprinting out of your apartment and to the bus stop. It felt like you were going through the worst hangover of your entire life.

You arrived at the university 10 minutes after class had already started. You prayed Jonathan wouldn’t be too upset with you as you shamefully opened the large creaky doors of the lecture hall. The class was silent and he stood near the front with the projector on. He gave you a quick glare before continuing on with his lecture. You walked as silently as you could toward the back of the hall, trying not to think about how the entire class was watching you. You were still exhausted by the time you reached your desk. Laying down for a few seconds to get some rest wouldn’t hurt anyone right?

“Y/N,”

You shot up suddenly trying to remember where you were and what you were doing. The lights were back on in the lecture hall and it was emptied, to your left stood Jonathan with a confused look on his face.

“You showed up late to my class and then immediately fell asleep,” He said, furrowing his eyebrows, clearly frustrated.

“You drugged me,” You jumped out of your seat quickly to stand and face him directly.

“What?” His confusion surfaced more, an offended look now on his face.

“What kind of needle has the cure for paranoia and insomnia?”

“That’s not what it was,” He attempted to reach towards you but you backed away quickly.

“I injected myself with your mystery medicine and it knocked me out,” You explained, “That’s why I was late and that’s why I fell back asleep. I feel like shit,”

“I told you to keep me updated on what happened,”

“Oh sorry,” You spun around frantically in place, “My arms aren't long enough to reach my computer from my bedroom floor where I PASSED OUT,”

“Stop yelling,” He said, growing more frustrated.

“What the hell did you give me?” You said, quieter now as you turned to face him again.

“It wasn’t a cure for anything,” He explained calmly, “It was just supposed to negate the effects of any fear toxin that was left lingering in your system. I figured that’s where the paranoia was coming from,”

You didn’t respond, and crossed your arms angrily over your chest with a heavy sigh.

“Clearly, the paranoia is still there,” He mumbled.

“I keep taking drugs from you,” You said as you started to anxiously pace, “I barely know you dude. You’re a professor at like what, 24, 25? I don’t even know how old you are-”

“I’m 23,” He cut in quickly and you spun around to glare at him.

“Like that makes more sense?” You said, your voice raising again, “You’re creating drugs in your own home and feeding it to your students and you have this dark mysterious past that you refuse to talk about. It just doesn’t make any sense,”

“And you think that you make complete sense?” He said, watching you cautiously as you kept pacing in the small aisle between desks, “You live in a large apartment shared with one other person who works as a waitress at a diner, most likely only making minimum wage. Not only do you not work, but you’re also attending university classes and have spare money for things like annual bus passes and internet bills,”

You stopped pacing and turned to face him again.

“All of that has a reasonable explanation,” You started to defend yourself before he interrupted you.

“As do the things about me that you don’t understand,”

You stayed silent, looking away from his piercing gaze. Maybe you did overreact to the situation.

He stepped towards you cautiously, “Do you still want to go out?” He asked, watching you closely as you looked back towards him, “Maybe we can talk and clear some things up, so there’s no more confusion?”

You nodded slowly, and grabbed your bookbag from your desk.

“Your serum sucks,” You mumbled, earning a final eye roll from him.

Tag List!

Your talk with Jonathan eased your nerves quite a bit. You ended up sleeping that night and unfortunately through all of your Wednesday classes the next day.

“What the hell,” Chris said from the doorway of your bedroom.

You rolled over sleepily in bed, still waking up.

“What?”

“Don’t you have econ today?” She said, one hand on her hip and the other holding her bright pink flip phone up to her ear. You could hear laughing coming from it.

“Mind your own business,” You groaned, throwing a pillow at her which she easily dodged, “and tell your boyfriend to fuck off,”

“She says to fuck off,” She giggled into her phone before spinning around and leaving.

“Close my door,” You yelled, but she ignored you. You slowly got up and finally realized how long you had actually slept.

“Fuck,” You mumbled under your breath. You were already behind in econ, and this definitely won’t help.

You stumbled into the living room where Chris laid on the couch, still on the phone while the TV played FRIENDS loudly. Grabbing the remote, you turned it down, quickly earning a glare from your roommate.

After grabbing a cup of now cold coffee from the kitchen, you sat down at the bulky computer in your living room to check if your econ professor emailed you about missing class. You were surprised to see an email from Jonathan.

“Y/N, I finished the serum. I can give it to you during Thursday’s class or I can drop it off tonight if you really need it -Dr. Crane,”

You didn’t feel like you needed it as much as before now that you caught up on your sleep, but you couldn’t pass up seeing your teacher crush today. You quickly crafted a response telling him that you’ll be home all night and he could swing it by when he was able to. You ended it with your address before sending it.

“Rex is coming over later,” Chris called from the couch, flipping her phone shut loudly, “Look presentable,”

You groaned loudly and sunk down in the creaky desk chair dramatically, “I’m not getting ready for your douchebag of a boyfriend,”

“Can you at least try to get along with him,” She said, turning the TV back up, “It would mean a lot to me,”

You rolled your eyes and got up from the desk quickly.

“I’m going to get ready,” You said, passing her to get back into your room, “But it’s not for him,”

-

Several hours later you were stuck in an UNO game with Chris and her boyfriend. You didn’t want to hurt Chris’ feelings by never hanging out with them, but when they were together they shared a single brain cell.

“When do you say UNO?” Rex asked, examining the large amount of cards in his hands.

“When you have one left,” You mumbled, anxiously looking back at the clock in the kitchen behind you. Jonathan said he would be dropping the serum off soon, and you didn’t want him meeting Rex.

“Draw four,” Chris said confidently, placing down a +2 card.

“Can you not read?” You asked, pointing at the card in front of her.

She slapped her face quickly. A deep blush was set in her cheeks and she had been sipping on wine all night so you knew that she was a bit tipsy, but their shared stupidity was getting on your nerves.

A loud knock came from the front door behind you and you jumped quickly out of your seat to get it.

“Is that the pizza?” Rex asked, leaning over the table obnoxiously to see.

“We didn’t order pizza, we just talked about it,” Chris laughed, pouring herself another glass of wine.

You swung the door open quickly and were face to face with the professor once again. You prayed he couldn’t see the mess happening at the dining table from the door as you awkwardly attempted to take up the frame so he couldn’t see past.

“Hey,” You said breathlessly, attempting to be casual.

“Hi..” He awkwardly held out a paper bag, “The serum is in there, you should only need one dose,”

“Thanks,” You mumbled, opening it and looking inside.

“I wasn’t able to test it on anyone,” He said, watching you cautiously, “Try to keep me updated on how it’s affecting you when you take it,”

“Is it safe?”

Before he could answer, Rex interrupted from the dining table.

“Hey, do I know you man?” He yelled obnoxiously as he leaned over the entire dining table to see the front door.

Jonathan looked past you quizzically at the scene happening inside before back down at you, confused.

“Ignore him, please,” You begged, attempting to push him out of Rex’s vision.

“Hold on,” Rex said, jumping out of his seat, “You were my Psych professor last year at GSU,”

“Ah,” Jonathan nodded quickly, ignoring your attempts to push him away from the door, “Rex, right?”

“Yea man,” Rex said, coming over to where the two of you were standing, “What are you doing here?”

“Y/N is dating him,” Chris giggled from the dining table before she quickly downed another glass of wine.

A deep blush was shared between both you and Jonathan and you quickly tried to regain control over the situation.

“He was just dropping something off,” You said quickly, “In fact, he was just leaving,”

“No man,” Rex said, grabbing Jonathans upper arm and quickly pulling him inside of your apartment, “Stay and play UNO with us,”

Jonathan looked over at you with a nervous look on his face and you shook your head quickly.

“Oh my gosh yes,” Chris slurred from the table, “We were just about to order pizza,”

“Hell yea,” Rex cheered, giving Jonathan a rough slap on his back before joining Chris back at the table.

“I’m so sorry,” You quickly reached over and readjusted Jonathans suit jacket that had gotten messed up from Rex, “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, they’re just obnoxious,”

“It’s okay,” He blushed as you reached up and brushed his hair out of his face, “I have some time,”

“Yay,” Chris cheered loudly, “Do you drink wine?”

-

To say you were embarrassed as an understatement. You felt horrible having Jonathan now stuck in an UNO game with tweedle dumb and tweedle dumber.

“Do you have any…” Chris narrowed her eyes at her cards as she swayed in place, “7s?”

Rex handed over a few cards, confused, “Hey, how come you get to take cards now?”

“That’s ‘Go Fish’,” You mumbled, rubbing your head which was now starting to hurt, “You don’t ask for cards in UNO, you draw them,”

Chris started giggling hysterically, “I think I drank too much,”

“You think?” You mumbled, shooting an apologetic glance over at Jonathan who just smiled back softly.

“When do you say UNO again?” Rex asked for the second time that night.

“Alright,” You slammed your cards down on the table, defeated, “I’m not playing anymore, you guys are too dumb for UNO,”

Chris continued giggling in her seat as Rex shot you an offended look.

“I’m not dumb,” He said, watching as you stood up and ushered for Jonathan to do the same, “I dropped out of school on purpose,”

“You failed 5 classes,” Chris giggled from beside him.

“We’re leaving,” You groaned, leading Jonathan back to the front door.

“I’m so sorry,” You said, quickly pulling him into the hallway outside of your apartment. The dim light above you buzzed loudly.

“It’s okay,” He smiled at you again, “I enjoy spending time with you,”

You raised your eyebrows, impressed, “Are you flirting with me Professor?”

He rolled his eyes and turned away from you awkwardly as another blush spread across his face.

“Honestly I thought you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me after I said I wouldn't help with your fear toxin,” You mumbled.

“I told you, that was mostly just an excuse to get you to go out with me,” He said, still avoiding eye contact.

“We should go on an actual date,” You suggested eagerly, stepping closer towards him, “Like out to get drinks without Rex or Chris annoying us,”

“And no drugs,” He joked, finally looking back at you.

“Okay well now it just sounds lame,”

He laughed softly and you felt your heart soar. You had never heard him laugh before. You stood shocked for a moment as he fumbled to get his phone open.

“I’m not doing anything tomorrow after class,” He said, still looking at his phone, “If you’re free then,”

“I am,” You said, still watching him closely. You wanted to kiss him at that moment, but before you got the chance he shoved his phone back in his pocket and awkwardly stepped back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow in class then?” He said, offering an awkward smile.

“Okay,” You said softly, waiting for him to at least give you a hug goodbye.

“Keep me updated with the serum,” He reminded you before turning around and quickly leaving toward the elevator.

You stood silently in front of your apartment door for a moment before going back inside, disappointed.

“Did you kiss?” Chris slurred jokingly from the dining table still.

“Did you have sex?” Rex added in, earning a weak slap on the arm from Chris.

“You guys are so fucking embarassing,” You said angirly walking back towards the table where they sat, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t act normal for two seconds?”

“I think we’re fun,” Chris said, a pouty look setting into her face.

“It’s not fun,” You groaned, grabbing the paper bag with the serum before leaving towards your room, “I barely know this guy. The least you could’ve done was be sober,”

You slammed the door behind you and sunk to the ground, embarrassed about the previous events. Surely Jonathan wouldn’t ever want to come visit again. It was mortifying.

You tried to stop thinking about it and quickly pulled the serum from the paper bag to examine. It was a tiny needle with a small amount of liquid inside. Your stomach dropped as you realized you had to inject it yourself. Your night kept getting worse and worse.

You took the cap off of the needle and took a deep breath before injecting it quickly into your left arm. It was immediately painful, your whole arm warming up almost as if it was on fire. You stifled your groans by burying your face into your lap and quickly fell over into a fetal position on the floor. An instant dizziness set in and you started to wonder how the serum was actually supposed to work. There was no one time medication for paranoia or insomnia. Jonathan could’ve given you poison and you didn’t even question it. In fact, you injected it yourself. Why did you trust this man so much? You just told Chris you barely know this guy and suddenly you're injecting yourself with “serums” he perscribes?

You were still a bit of a shaking mess after you left his apartment that night. That kind of fear wasn’t something you could just shake off. You fumbled with the key to your apartment before stumbling in.

“Rough night?” Chris said, watching you from the kitchen entrance, her grease stained apron still loose around her petite frame.

You ignored her as you threw your bookbag on the ground before you got to work untying your shoes.

“A professor?” She continued, “really?”

You stayed silent and clumsily kicked your shoes off.

“I didn’t know you were failing,” She joked, “Didn’t the term just start?”

“That’s not why I’m seeing him,” You finally responded, pushing past her to get into the kitchen.

“Is he actually your professor?” She asked, spinning around to face you with an amused look on her face, “He’s so young,”

You quickly grabbed a beer from the fridge before pushing past her again to get to your room.

“Come on,” She whined from the kitchen, “I wanna know all the juicy details,”

You couldn’t tell Chris what had actually happened that night. You ignored her still as you closed your bedroom door behind you before collapsing on your bed. You were exhausted.

You laid for a few moments but sleep wouldn’t take over. You compulsively kept opening your eyes everytime you got close to it. The mere thought of closing your eyes and being stuck in that darkness again kept you lying awake all that night as well as for a few nights following the first date you shared with the professor.

Before you knew it you were slumping into his Tuesday class. He sat with his head down at his desk hunched over some paperwork. Behind him, on the whiteboard, read, “Leave Stanford Prison Experiment paper on front desk”.

Shit. You totally forgot about the homework he assigned last class.

You slowly walked over to his desk where he sat working and hovered silently for a moment before he looked up at you, confused.

“I forgot to do the paper,” You mumbled, shamefully.

A deep blush set into his cheeks and he quickly looked away from your gaze.

“I take you on one date and you suddenly think you’re exempt from the homework,” He says quietly so none of the students already seated could hear.

It was your turn to blush, “That’s not it-” You started before he cut you off.

“It’s okay, I’ll give you an A,”

“I haven’t been sleeping,” You confessed, trying to explain yourself. He looked back up at you now, with a softer expression this time.

“I can’t stop thinking about the darkness,” You said quietly, pausing for a moment as a student swiftly dropped a paper off in between the two of you before heading to their seat, “I’m scared to close my eyes,”

“I shouldn’t have tested it on you,” He said softly, “I’m sorry,”

“I wanted to do it,” You said, pausing again as another student came and left, “I just didn’t want you thinking that I didn’t do the homework because you’d pass me anyway,”

He looked away from you again, avoiding your gaze once more.

“Although I don’t think I would’ve been able to do the assignment anyway,” You confessed, blushing, “I was distracted during the whole film,”

“Distracted?” He asked, looking back at you quizzically.

“By you, silly,” You mumbled, looking down.

He sat stunned for a moment, an awkward demeanor setting in.

“Class should’ve started three minutes ago,” You said quietly, “It seems like I’m being a distraction now,”

He fumbled quickly to move the papers in front of him to see the clock on his desk as you waltzed to the back of the lecture hall to your seat with a smirk on your face.

“Alright class,” He said loudly, as he stumbled to the front of the class, “Everyone quiet. I’ll be grading your papers tomorrow so you’ll have them back by Thursday,”

He quickly pulled the projector clicker from his pocket, turning it on.

“Today we’ll be talking about experiments inspired by the Stanford Prison Experiment,”

The slides shifted into their places in the projector as he clicked through them, explaining each one. Saying you were distracted was an understatement. You couldn’t focus on the slides at all, having him standing there right by the screen.

“Most of these experiments focused on fear,” He said, his hand shifting the mic on his collar as he readjusted his glasses, “As I mentioned on the first day of class..” He trailed off suddenly as he made eye contact with you from the back of class. He stood frozen in place for a moment before a student near the front spoke up.

“Fear fuels everyday life?”

His gaze was taken from you as he looked, confused, at the student who spoke.

“Um,” He paused again, trying to regain his thoughts, “Yea, yes. Fear fuels everyday life. This is, um, why a lot of experiments are done on it,”

He fumbled with the clicker in his hands for a moment, quickly turning the projector off.

“Class is dismissed early today,” He mumbled into the mic before ripping it off his collar.

“What about homework?” A student yelled across the lecture hall, causing an eruption of groans from other students.

“No homework today,” He yelled back before sitting back down at his desk.

As the rest of your class quickly flooded out of the lecture hall, you took your sweet time packing everything into your bag before going back up to his desk once the room was empty.

“What the hell was that,” You laughed, crossing your arms.

“I was distracted,” He mumbled, not taking his eyes away from the humming computer screen in front of him.

You blushed and waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. He didn’t even look at you.

“So um,” You awkwardly played with the hem of your shirt, “We did mention a second date..”

“Mhm,” He mumbled, still not looking over at you.

“Um,” You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Whenever you’re available, I probably will be too, now that I don’t have to do homework,” You joked, earning no response from him.

You stood in silence for a few moments, “Unless you don’t want to?”

He finally peeled his eyes away from his screen to look over at you, “Have you slept at all since Thursday?” He asked, disregarding the previous conversation completely.

“Not really,”

“What are you afraid of,” He asked sternly, his gaze not leaving yours.

“Um,” You looked away from him, quickly, “I don’t want to get stuck in the darkness,” You mumbled, “The emptiness,”

“You won’t,” He said, standing suddenly. You watched as he quickly started shoving all of his papers into his bag.

“Your fear is irrational,” He continued, “There’s never emptiness anywhere,”

“You seemed fascinated by it on Thursday,” You mumbled, embarrassed.

“I’m not judging you,” He said, walking around the desk to stand by you, “I’m just saying you don’t need to be scared of emptiness. I promise you’ll always have something,”

His tone was snarky and you glared up at him, “You’re making fun of me,”

“You need to sleep,” He said, ignoring your previous statement once again, “That’s your homework,”

“I can’t,” You whined, following him out of the classroom and through the hallway of the university, “You don’t understand, when I close my eyes I’m there,”

“I’ll work on a serum to help with the side effects,” He said as he led you out of the main building and outside.

“You didn’t tell me there were side effects,” You said, stopping suddenly.

He stopped a few paces in front of you.

“There weren’t any with me,” He said, turning to face you, “But it’s causing paranoia and insomnia for you,”

“How long will it take to make the serum?”

“I’ll work on it as much as I can this week,” He said, walking back towards you, “I can’t guarantee it by a certain date. But until then, please at least try to sleep,”

“Aw,” You teased, rocking in place slightly, “Are you worried about me Professor?”

A deep blush set in his cheeks and he turned and walked away quickly without saying anything.