I'm working on ten weeks since my accident and I'm completely losing my shit. My sleep pattern is so out of whack I don't even know night from day anymore - which doesn't really matter because I'm almost literally doing NOTHING. I've stopped eating regularly. My body doesn't recognize when it's hungry anymore because we're pretty much not using any fuel. (TMI side effect of this is that I only poop every couple of days. I'm totally on top of how unhealthy this is.) I've set alarms in my phone to remind me to eat, because I was losing weight at a truly worrisome rate - in six or so weeks, I lost about eighteen pounds, possibly more. Three pounds a week doesn't SOUND bad and could easily be considered medically acceptable, but only if I was actually trying to do it and was working out. I'm not working out, I'm just sitting here. I've been in the same spot on the sofa for so long there's a dent in the cushion. Fortunately my weight loss has mostly stopped, but I haven't been able to put weight back on without losing it a few days later.
Not eating, not showering, and not seeing people has become routine. I wear the same braid or ponytail in my hair until the hair locks. When I got my hard cast off I discovered the skin on the bottom of my foot was coming off in huge sheets like a snake and I was happily occupied with it for DAYS.
Like I said. I'm losing my shit.
But one of the things that bothers me most is people saying they're jealous of me. Because I'm sitting at home all the time watching tv or reading or playing video games. And this was how I willingly spent a lot of time before I got hurt. But I've discovered there's a huge difference between wasting all your time because you WANT to, and wasting all your time because you have no other options. Nothing is fun anymore. I'm bored. I'm lonely. I'm incredibly frustrated because I just can't figure out what to do with myself because I've already done everything I'd normally be inclined to do! And none of it sounds appealing anymore!
So yeah. That's me these days. In a few more weeks I'll have fully turned into one of those feral children raised without human contact by wild pigs or something.
Don't fuck up, kids.
