atelophobia

Steve was popular. You... not so much.

He had everyone's eyes on him at all times, spent his days surrounded by people: he was never alone.

You navigated between notoriety and invisibility— something which, in hindsight, didn't make any sense but defined your social status nonetheless.

What do you say when he's starting to let you in

And you see he's better off without you?

Steve was always the one to invite you to parties and all, but as soon as you said goodbye after a long night it was as if you didn't exist.

He was happy when he was around his friends, happier than when he was with you even. It almost felt like you didn't matter.

Sometimes I'm so cynical and self-conscious

And sometimes I see that I'm bringing him down

I stand in the mirror, hands in empty pockets

And wonder why he even wants me around

You didn't look like the girls Steve liked, you knew that much. In your opinion you were boring, dull... any negative definition that came to mind, you were it— though the life you had suggested otherwise.

At times, it looked like Steve kept you around out of pity rather than because he just enjoyed your presence.

You were his best friend after all, and he couldn't stand you being alone— or him being in your absence, but he could never say that out loud. It could make him look uncool.

Despite everything, the friendhsip between you and Steve seemed to withstand anything. Even a threat to your existence, like the ordeal you went through in your junior year of high school, which definitely brought you closer than ever.

Nonetheless, the conflicting feelings you'd always had on the nature of your (and Steve's) feelings were destroying you.

I just wish there was something he needs

Some beautiful thing I could be

To keep him from seeing the worst in me

You just wanted to be important in Steve's eyes. That was the truth. It didn't matter if you were his best friend, or his girlfriend or whatever— you just wanted to be there for him.

Every so often you reflected on these thoughts you had on your friendhip: were you a stalker? Obsessive, crazy... No.

You just couldn't stand losing the only one individual you considered to be a true friend. The one person who, until some time ago, seemed to be genuinely interested in your inclusion in their life.

And you feared that those emotions you'd begun harboring would be the end of it.

What do you do when the boy's always busy

And you're on the side killing time 'til he calls?

Like you had predicted, Steve began to be less and less around as soon as you graduated from high school. There was not a catastrophic or tragic reason as to why your frienship began to change; it was just a matter of time before you grew up and realised that you had other priorities in life.

Steve started working, you went to college. You were busy, yes, and he was too— but you still waited for your usual Friday night call, which he forgot more and more often.

It's bad I get mad cause I want him to miss me

And make amends when he has done nothing wrong

You were angry. Not because Steve forgot about your 'traditions', but because he hadn't said anyting about the matter— not a single trace of an apology or an explanation.

He was still your best friend, and you were his. However, growing up meant also leaving some things behind— your friendship wasn't fading, it was just evolving.

Right?

We both got friends, but I'm no good at keeping mine

He's got his people when he needs to talk

When you were younger, you and Steve were each other's confidant. He told you about his problems and you did the same; you had lost that part of your friendship as well, and it was painful.

Nevertheless, you couldn't bring yourself to confront him. What would you say then? Please give me attention, Steve? It was ridiculous to even think about the audacity you'd have to do something like that — you cringed at the thought.

And we both got dreams but I'm not good at reaching mine

So part of me dreams about keeping him small

Just as you were losing all hopes of Steve contacting you again, he showed up at your university. He claimed that he had lost your address, his landline wasn't working— and that he couldn't just see you disappear. Your pride and bitterness had subsided by then.

So — had you been wrong all this time?

It seemed like fate was in your favour because in no time you caught up on all that you had missed, including the fact that the reason why Steve was there was that he had come to the realisation that he liked you.

Somehow, you were both surprised and sad at the same time. You just felt that he was going to disappear again at some point, and leave you with even more questions than before.

You weren't the same person you were all those years ago, and neither was he. You were frustrated because all the goals you had in life somewhat seemed unattainable, while Steve seemed pretty satisfied with what he'd achieved.

I just wish there was something he needs

Some beautiful thing I could be

To keep him from seeing the worst in me

Despite your negative interpretation of the newfound friendship with Steve, it seemed like he wanted to be in your life now and that he didn't have any intentions of 'evaporating' (as he said).

At that point, however, you were just trying to enjoy the time you spent with each other, while also hoping that there would never be a reason for him to leave. You were flawed, after all — sometimes you were irritable, emotional and had a low social battery — but so was every individual that had ever walked the earth.

It was Steve who always told you that in his eyes, you were perfect. And that he was a fool for disregarding the bond the two of you had — whether it be a friendship, or whatever.

But could you ever believe his words?

So, what do you give to the boy who has everything

Now that you need him more than you knew?

Slowly but surely, you realized that Steve was your constant. He had always been, after all. You were part of each other's life, and during the time you weren't in contact with each other it felt like a part of you was missing.

You didn't know whether he felt the same way you did and you couldn't have done anything if he didn't, but you told yourself you didn't care. His presence in your life was enough.

Y/n and Steve. Steve and Y/n. Back together, yes— stronger than ever, even. But for how much longer?

You had always thought that Steve was better off without you, that someday there would be a reason for him to leave again. Even though every gesture of his suggested otherwise, you were never sure it couldn't happen again. The uncertainty killed you.

Time would tell you. In the meantime, you would enjoy the little things— hopeful that destiny was on your side.

What do you do when you finally get to him

His sibling Desire, whom you'd met once (by mistake), had mentioned his many previous lovers— and that Dream was quite difficult to be around. While you didn't believe the latter, the former was indeed very plausible.

Dream had been around for a long time before you after all, and his idea of love and personal feelings was very different from yours. Noneteless, doubt, sadness... Despair even — had made their way into your psyche and made you doubt whether the Lord of Dreams' intentions were honourable or not.

Even though you had a decent relationship with your family, you found relationship outside that sphere to be more difficult to maintain. Perhaps you were not as nice of a person as you thought, and those who stayed did so out of pity; sometimes you wondered if that's what Dream thought.

Sometimes, those self-destructive and paranoid thoughts plagued your mind, to the point that you could not even bring yourself to do the smallest of things.

Morpheus was aware of your feelings, and he always tried to provide you with the comfort and reassurance that you needed. On that occasion, however, it seemed like his every effort was uneffective.

He was not used to human customs, nor had he ever been interested in adopting them. But seeing you in such a state made him forget it all— swallow his pride and be the partner you deserved.

"Y/n" He said, kneeling beside you as you lied down on your sofa "What ails you?"

"You know, the thing Desire told me, what happened with my friends and all... maybe I'm just a distraction to you. Maybe you hate me"

The King of the Dreaming looked at you like you were out of your mind, but his expression soon turned into a small smile.

"I could never hate you, Y/n. On the contrary: I love you"

"You don't have to say that you love me" You sobbed "No one means it anyway"

Dream took a deep breath and held his hands out - which you took - and he began to try and alleviate your worries.

"Everyone loves you, my Star. Your parents, your friends... Me included" He stated "More than you can imagine. And I always will"

By the way you were watching him, it was clear that you weren't believing any of his words; so he went on talking.

Since appearing into the world, you provided guidance and omens by manifesting yourself in the real world or in dreams — which is the reason why you met the Dream Lord in the first place.

Whenever you wandered into his realm, the whole population of the Dreaming seemed to brighten up. It seemed like he, on the other hand, was annoyed by your presence.

"It's a wonderful day today, Dream! Here, have a cherry. Abel picked a basketful of them just this morning!"

You were always cheerful and smiling, regardless of the person you were interacting with.

"I do not want a cherry. Now, if you don't mind... stop disturbing my people and go back to your realm"

He was always kind of cold towards you, but you felt like you were able to see beyond his stoic façade.

"I don't have one, silly! Blame the human race for that — just consider me a permanent, well... occasional resident of the Dreaming"

This kind of dynamic went on without ceasing. Every once in a while he would stumble upon you, in the dreams of those who deserved to be bestowed with your gift; and the two of you would have the best of conversations.

"You are rather annoying"

"On the contrary! You love me, Dream! And I love you!"

He never took you seriously, but you didn't believe him either. Deep down, you knew, or rather hoped— that he reciprocated your feelings.

As time went by and humankind evolved you gradually spent more time in the Waking World and, as Cain and Abel once told you— you neglected the Dreaming and its people.

What you didn't know was that it was Morpheus himself who felt abandoned. You thought about him, of course, but your duties had maximum priority.

It was during one of your visits in an old man's home that you felt his presence. You had planned to present your omen in the waking world, but seeing that the man was asleep, you cautiously stepped into his dreams and opted to appear in the form of a stag.

"A stag is a male deer. Why would you—"

"Potato. Potahto. It's the same thing. I present myself as I please. Now, let me get on to my job... And of course, greetings, Lord Shaper"

"Of course. And greetings to you, Y/n"

You had once again brought fortune and happiness to a human and their family for generations to come. The old man deserved it, after all the sacrifices he had done; but you found that your gifts were all but a small compensation in comparison.

Dream bowed his head towards you in sign of respect. For once, he hadn't just disappeared into his realm, and you were happy to spend a few moments in his company.

"I have considered a few things"

"Wow. What great news!"

He rolled his eyes: after so much time, he had never gotten used to your sarcastic remarks.

"Your absence in the Dreaming had adverse consequences. It affected the people... they are asking for you, and I— I would not mind if you visited my realm once again"

You laughed. It was comforting, heartwarming even, to see that the King of Dreams had feelings after all.

"You're saying that you missed me?"

"Though it is unnerving for me to admit... yes, Y/n, I missed you. And this time, I would be honoured if you walked into my realm by my side.

"You mean—"

"Yes. It seems that my feelings for you have grown, and developed into something that you might define as love"

His jaw was tight, his lips in a thin line, his eyes pleading. Morpheus was hoping you would say something, anything— hopefully, in his favour.

For the first time in your life you were speechless. Nonetheless, after a few embarassing moments of silence you laughed once again, taking the Endless' hands in yours.

"It would be my greatest honour, Dream. But we'll take things slow— my terms"

"As you wish, my dear"

In other words, Dream had told you not to interfere with all that regarded Lyta Hall and the son she had conceived in the Dreaming, Daniel.

You had understood the reasoning behind Dream's decision, but in spite of that you could not bring yourself to accept that an innocent child had to be taken away from his mother. There was time you had told him to find another solution to the problem caused by the child's existence in the Waking World, rather than depriving Daniel of a normal, human life.

The Lord of Dreams' response? Not calm. Not polite.

He yelled at you. Shouted about how heavy his crown weighed on his shoulders, the depth and the burden of the decisions that he had to take― along with their consequences.

"Then let me understand!" you had said"Let me into your world, share your burden"

As cold as ice, he had responded.

"A common being such as you will never be able to grasp even a fraction of what it takes to... endure"

By then, tears were streaming down your face.

Nonetheless, you did not speak. You just turned around and left the Draming ― at that moment, you hoped that it was for good.

The following days were tedious. To you and Dream both.

He had spent most of his time sulking, brooding, thinking about what he had said. You, on the other hand, were trying to get on with your life as if his presence had just been an accessory. That's what he thought of you after all.

It was cynical, yes, but you were not going to make the first step towards reconciliation. It was Morpheus who, for once, has to put away his pride and sort out his priorities.

You were sitting on a bench at the park near your apartment when you felt the energy shift and, and from the corner of your eye you saw him. Wearing human clothes, strangely enough.

"What do you want?" You dared not look at him.

"I have come to ask for your forgiveness, Y/n" the Endless began "The circumstances in which I am are rather difficult ― and perhaps I let myself be blinded by the anger".

He paused for a second before going on with his discourse. "I should have never treated you in such a way. You're a Queen, and as such it is unforgivable of me to demean you so"

"I am not a Queen, Morpheus" you said, finally turning to him "I am just a simple human. A common being, like you said". Yeah you were still bitter about that.

The words that came next from the Endless' mouth left you speechless.

"You are a Queen. To me" . Dream had always been very intentional with what he said, and you knew quite well that his words held great significance.

You sighed, trying to gather your thoughts on what happened. You loved Dream, of coruse, but his words had wounded you and he needed to fully understand just how much of a toll they had.

"I forgive you." you stated "But don't do it again. Please".

It genuinely seemed like Morpheus was about to cry (which you did not fathom possible). He released a breath he didn't know he was holding, and solemnly gave you a response. "I won't. Never again. I promise"

Then you put your head on his shoulder, to which the Endless responded by planting a sweet kiss over your head.

"Let's stay like this. You, me ― not a worry in the world"

"How I wish it were that easy, my Angel. But I assure you, we will make it. Together"

It took a few seconds to gain the courage to respond. "I don't know, Dream. There were too many people and I... I think I'm having a panic attack"

Though Morpheus had never seen one with his own eyes, you had spoke about the topic before in anticipation of a moment like the one that is being recounted. Fortunately, he had grasped the basics of it and immediately knew what to do.

"How can I help ease your suffering?" he questioned.

By then you were hyperventilating, tears were streaming down your face. You were clearly not in the conditions to give him a proper answer; so the Lord of Dreams took the matter into his own hands.

"All right. Let me tell you about this one time the Dreaming was visited by a rather singular guest― a beaver, wearing a golden crown and riding a winged unicorn. He said that his name was Biff Wellington and..." He was trying to distract you from those evil thoughts that were plaguing your mind; and it seemed like he was succeeding.

"He challenged you to a duel. He wanted Martin Tenbones to go with him, since he claimed that―" you bursted out crying before being able to finish the sentence.

"I'm sorry. I can't... I can't do this" you sobbed, feeling your heartbeat pounding like a drum "This... this feeling is too much, I―"

Morpheus dried your tears with his own bare hands then went on to hold your face, smiling as your eyes closed at the sweet gesture.

"It's okay, it's okay!" he reassured you "Just breathe, my love. I've got you. Concentrate on the things around you― the leaves blown by the wind, the children laughing... and me"

You tried your hardest to do what the Endless said, as he held you in his arms. After a while the sobbing and crying stopped, but you still felt that tightness in your chest that made it difficult to breathe.

"How are you feeling, Y/n?"

"Uhm, better. I think"

Much to your dismay, you could not find the words to describe the multitude of emotions you were experiencing in that moment. Shame. Fatigue. And God knows what else― you felt like a reed, subject to the implacable force of the wind.

"It seems not" Dream observed. He stopped for a few seconds, pondering on a decision he had to make, before he smiled and continued to tell you about the story of Biff Wellington and his claims to the Dreaming.

You found it sweet ― to see your partner so dedicated, set on making you feel better, even though it meant that he had do to things 'out of his comfort zone'.

Thanks to him, your agitated state of mind soon subsided.

"I know you might not be okay with it, but... I could really use another hug right now" you said.

Dream responded with a solemn nod of his head, before taking off his coat. Then, he carefully wrapped his arms around you, and covered your figure with the dark-coloured garment .

"I will always be by your side, my Star. I will do anything and everything, just to see you smile" he softly spoke "My love for you goes beyond simple words and gestures. I will give you all that I have, all that I can provide ― all that I am. Even if I'm not used to. That's how much I care"

Wow. You had received comfort and a declaration of love worthy of a movie.

In spite of the duties that came with such an important position, you had a 'human life'. Much like Hob Gadling, your husband's friend, you had a job and thrived amongst those of your kind — you taught history and archeology in various universities across Europe, something which made you incredibly happy since you had lived through many centuries.

These obligations sometimes kept you away from you and your husband's realm, but you always communicated with him either through Matthew or through dreams.

You were working on a paper when you realized what day it was. The month before you had forgotten to meet with Dream, but he had sweetly forgiven you saying that you would meet the following month.

Which was the day before the events we're recounting, much to your dismay.

For the second time, you had missed your date with the Lord of Dreams. You were unforgivable.

You cursed yourself before setting aside your work and walking into the Dreaming.

"My Lady Y/n" Matthew and Lucienne were the ones who welcomed you. Dream was nowhere to be seen, and the Librarian of the Dreaming was quick to explain the situation.

"Lord Morpheus has matters to attend to at the borders of the realm"

"Bullshit! Y/n, he's upset, he doesn't want to talk to you" Due to the amount of time the two of you spent together, Matthew had developed a familiar bond with you — so much so that he addressed you casually, like a friend rather than a monarch.

The two tried to explain how angry and upset your husband was, so you stated that you would not disturb him during your stay even though he was aware of your presence.

In the following days you spent your time walking around your realm, with Matthew giving you updates on Dream's whereabouts and mood.

On some occasions, you saw his silhouette around — in the library, for example, or in the throne room. But you dared not disturb him.

As a way of trying to gain his forgiveness, you left some gifts here and there — along with some letters you had written. You figured that it was the best way for you to convey your emotions without crossing the boundaries he had put down. In Matthew's opinion, your approach was working.

Fiddler's Green was the one who kept you company the most, besides Lucienne and your raven. He always gave good advice and provided the comfort you needed.

"I suggest you summon your husband" he once said, while you sat under a beautiful oak tree together "Though he feels resentful, he misses you. It hurts me to see my King and Queen suffer, there must be a way to mend what was broken"

As soon as those words left his mouth, you decided to summon your husband. Hopefully, Fiddler's Green was right and you would not anger Dream any further.

The way in which your consort looked at you when he appeared from the vortex of sand was, for a lack of better words, devastating. You slightly bowed your head down as to greet him, and he returned the gesture.

"You came"

"You called"

You restrained yourself from crying and began talking. "Dream, I know that I messed up. I should have remembered about our meeting — God, I was so disrespectful! There were so many things to do at once, I never even looked at the calendar. I'm so sorry. And I understand if you're still angry: I will depart from the Dreaming at once, if you wish"

"I would never ask my wife to leave me" he responded with the same calmness as always, though his eyes conveyed profound sadness and regret "I'm sorry for not visiting you, Y/n".

"And I you, Dream" you uttered.

There were a few seconds of silence before Matthew appeared, flying on your shoulder "Come on, Boss! Hug her, kiss her, do something! I can't put up with your brooding any longer, so put away your pride and give a sign of forgiveness to your wife!" he exclaimed.

Dream sighed, clearly torn about whether he was ready to properly forgive you. Nevertheless, his doubts waned by just looking at you once again.

You were just as exhausted as he was: this tantrum of his had gone way too far. The two of you clearly missed each other and couldn't be distant any longer, so he did what he had yearned to since you walked into the Dreaming.

He caressed your face with his hands, and though he tried to keep his emotions at bay, he kissed you — the longing and profound love you felt for one another finally finding an outlet— then hugged you like you were about to fade away at any minute.