opinions of this schwenksville, pennsylvania scribe

(alternately titled for no particular rhyme nor reason:

courtesy Doctor Donald Dossey who coined paraskevidekatriaphobia

I wanna see and accompany black cats ambling with me along underneath chutes and ladders committing tree zen.

Ordinarily, I do not tend to be superstitious but twenty almost seven years ago to date fate did buzzfeed me a series of unfortunate events pitting bedrock scientific explanations into the category of the inexplicable, when misfortune did challenge said logic of mine August thirteenth nineteen hundred and ninety nine

forever etched in the annals of my personal infamy and indelibly scored into the nooks and crannies of my psyche

as one still sending hair raising shivers down my spine

which following unpleasant details occurred on a street

that branched off kind of like a fork tine

adjacent to one named Woodbine.

Prior to the following awful events that unfolded aforementioned day

somewhat solemn and gray

I did not consider myself unduly superstitious

nor prone to bouts of triskaidekaphobia/ paraskevidekatriaphobia no how no way. Yet that particular Friday the thirteenth baptized me

in the bloody waters of superstition unequivocally,

whence upon waking said particular morning

the search for funereal garb found me burrowing into a small closet

while bending on one wounded knee, and nonchalantly rummaging for suitable article of clothing to wear

(per the wake/

sitting shiva of William Zison the octogenarian father in law) an unbeknownst ill fate

lurked just seconds away ready to captcha an innocent prey as any unseen observer

and/or pet would agree.

Hands rifled and rustled thru various and sundry miscellaneous items in one or another box

mostly clothing and other apparel

draped in coat hangers,

plus a precariously perched

heavy tin of yarn heavy as rocks

began to teeter from top ledge, than made a slow inexorable descent in direct path of thy crown

containing valued mental stocks knocking me cents less unlike strapping fellow id est jocks, whose noggin squarely sit on rounded shoulders housing a chiseled physique an athletic build sculpted since infancy to be significant

complex edifice among sports analogous to laying foundation with cinder blocks. The topmost part of thine skull felt impact of sharp metallic rim

that left an indentation in soft part of scalp – more’n an abrasive skim

and bent circular shape of contrivance filled to the hilt

one law of physics pertaining to falling object (taught to me) acquires greater mass accelerating with velocity and vim.

Upon reflexively yet tentatively touching raw sore spot

fingertips revealed presence of warm liquid soon coagulating into a pulpy gordian knot

from sharp lipped impact registering nausea and vertigo quite a lot

hence sewing crafts managed to stitch a tattooed laceration forming a bloody clot.

Body writhed with physical torment

as if being only partially alive

whereby waves of blacking or passing out found me swooning ready to take a swan dive

nonetheless from Schwenksville to Penn Valley, I did (by divine grace) safely drive

whence family members and relatives once destination reached, the motley crue began organized car pool arrangements

per heading off to the cemetery, which caravan formation similar to a human bee hive, yours truly declined to go communicating persistent distress from mishap I bowed wowed out, stayed home and kept company with a dog (purportedly man’s best friend)

(said pet belonging to honorable guest) of eldest sister in law), whose open palmed overtures of mine did not jive. An impulse found fingers reaching out to extend

an offertory of getting to know you to stroke this unfamiliar animal

supposedly man’s best (yeah right) friend

only to find sharp teeth from canine jaw clamped down hard on hand

which second bodily injury, I did immediately tend

while bolts of white hot pain shot thru lower extremity of palm

as a lapsed Unitarian Universalist, and peopling tabula rasa of mine as deemed most germane, humane, and urbane let me not forget neopoets, I ask a rhetorical thought question if individuals gifted with Kantian categorical imperative as their guiding light can such glowing characteristic be discovered, gleaned, inferred, et cetera within the heart and soul of a prospective counterpart visa vis courtesy reading tea leaves, smell, or telepathy. As one naked ape linkedin (thru no choice of mine) with species and genus of the crazed human zoo to commit so called sin though of secular bent, even to this atheist, an action, thought, or failure to act that breaks a taboo, religious, moral, or divine law, and essentially act of wrongdoing or rebellion against God, or a serious fault that goes against one's own conscience and a good standard of behavior, I suppose defined courtesy accidentally or purposely violating one of the ten commandments, which seem more like obligations than conscientious free will deemed mandatory lest the divine creator put a miscreant in time out analogous to little kids experiencing ostracization when misbehaving such as exhibiting violence toward her/his classmates harsh discipline assumed courtesy pre-school teachers, or management of facility. Just beneath our skin, resides a nasty, short and brutish hellraiser when NOT given allowance will usurp totalitarian control wielding exploitatory forces. As a baby boomer who sports a calm, cool and collected demeanor no surprises sprung upon attesting to dominant quiet nature behavior of mine with nary vestiges, whose lovely bones once housed a formerly severely withdrawn adolescent completely, figuratively, and literally hermetically sealed, where no evidence of a once precocious happy go lucky little boy (countless decades ago) with strawberry blonde hair who frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honalee. Rambunctious with my younger sister approximately thirty three months my junior, and ofttimes easily mistaking us like Bobbsey twins what with nearly identical physiognomies, and more recently when this wordsmith hashtagged as long hair pencil neck geek which confused my niece mistaking me as said younger sibling, and even at the time of this writing once I spend time regularly hitting the gym, we would most definitely more closely resemble each other. Credit an unexpected transcendence fueled by body dysmorphia drives home the aversion of self, especially when taking a shower facing the music, and a unarguable reflection particularly evincing abdominal area no longer resembling Joe Sixpack, but thorax and gut wrenching area replete with adipose tissue, which I cannot stomach, hence forcing me to abstain consuming sugary drinks and seriously consider a physical fitness regimen. I could surely benefit from an exercise coach but out of pocket costs would tax checking accounts, already anemic thanks be to frequent instances of compromised, electronically pillaged and sabotaged anemic funds which the Fraud department at Citizens Bank restored after claims filed and the rigmarole hoopla of opening new accounts transferring money from tampered accounts, and (at some later date) closing violated virtually Swiss cheesed accounts. Once aforementioned measures taken and a degree of stability reinstated, the merchants and vendors whose costs paid automatically need to be updated lest services or fees add insult to injury, when emails received warning me penalties will accrue if resolution to maintain continuity of necessary coverage for Apple computer iCloud, auto/renter insurance, CVS extra benefits, et cetera NOT taken immediately, which triggers an uptick in anxiety.

Self actualization

according to Abraham Maslow

ranks as the highest level

of human motivation

in his Hierarchy of Needs pyramid

full realization of one's unique potential,

representing the desire

to become everything

one could be capable of becoming

or spelled out, the acronym short cut for continuous positive airway pressure. When unmasked to counteract sleep apnea, the missus' countenance resembles an elephant, what with face covering and trunk like tube connecting to a wall outlet, significantly affected when a power outage strikes. As I lay me down to sleep, by which time, the spouse already got a jump/kick start into shut-eye dreamland indicated by fluttering of closed lids, yours truly experiences a respite from her playful antics such as paddling my tush gently slapping both sets of cheeks plus various and sundry other horseplay associated with a toddler, yet every now and again I snap (or bark in her parlance) cuz impossible mission to experience quality and necessary rem cycles, when she doth play knick knack paddy whack... buzzfeeding using her handy dandy blue's clues stubby fingers (ill suited to being pianist - though drumming on me body electric not out the question), hence slab of adipose tissue around the ab doubles up as a mock up tarmac housing puddled reservoir from last night's rain pretending to play duck and cover atop former six pack gone to the dogs once trim body of mine

appropriated as fallout shelter

at my expense egged on and/or oblivious whereat no amount of honking pleases Mother Goose, who countless years ago did buzzfeed videlicet tossed out food courtesy patrons of Horn and Hardart where yours truly took his repast

with professor Victoria PHD

long since relegated

to the dustbin of history

but once, a famous American restaurant company started in Philadelphia in 1888 by Joseph Horn and Frank Hardart, who unwittingly revolutionized fast food by opening the first United States Automat in 1902 at 818 Chestnut Street Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where customers used inxs of coins to open small glass windows to buy hot meals,

baked goods, and iconic coffee,

where with unruffled feathers silenced

cause Canadian Geese no longer flock like Seagulls nor merrily quack

(instinctually returning to a once upon a time urbanized wetland paved over with supposed all in the name of progress)

and after making our selection of  Stews and Gumbo: Leg and thigh meat braised into rich comfort foods like duck, sausage, and shrimp gumbo or Persian fesenjan, after inserting designated legal tender,

we unexpectedly got a nickleback

interestingly enough a band

by the same name got played after we pushed button, and made our purchase where the two of us took a seek in a secluded nook and yours truly applied his suave opportunistic knack

while simultaneously making a fool of himself what with lame jokes, (but did you hear the one about...), a kindergartner would not use as a ploy or figurative ice-breaking hack

The brainchild of Joel and Loretta (I presume they must be best buds) after twenty six years, now matured into a healthy vibrant living and breathing system at long last put down permanent roots 16 Iron Bridge Drive, Collegeville, PA 19426, whereat countless volunteers (spanning a wide age range encompassing mature junior high school students as well as retired folks) restores the faith of humanity by freely giving their time at the beneficial cost courtesy sweat equity in exchange for grateful recipients such as myself and the missus to minimize or ideally prevent food insecurity and distribute commestibles to needy families they refined the process close on the heels of three decades down to a science serving residents in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. Fear not Old Mother Hubbard who went to the cupboard, to fetch her poor dog a bone, but when she got there the cupboard much to her pleasant surprise NOT bare, and so the poor dog had at least one if NOT more. As iterated above, no more bare cupboards, fridge, and deep freezer since returning with more than our share of healthy allotment videlicet daily bread referring to this mister, who frightfully squawks like an old geezer, plus the missus also ain't no spring chicken, yet I do admit she happens to be quite a vocal mother clucker being locked within crosshairs elderly stage, she doth dread ample carload for us, alleviating this bum searching for crumbs to tweezer, thus not longer needs to buzzfeed me raw bits or powder milk biscuits, I need not scavenge, scrape, scrounge... substantial provisions allows poet taster to breathe easy inadequately satiates the missus, (whose Godzilla appetite) defies (cole) laws of nature to beef fed predominantly healthy food, that weighted our automobile like a led zeppelin choking, intermittently kickstarting, sputtering... along, asper in (faux wheel) wheezer putting utmost pressure borne by taxing groovy tire tread. Once mission (not so impossible, but blessed relief) complete, I did aim upon returning where we live to acknowledge gratitude and claim salvation for charitable deeds, yours truly doth exclaim, these volunteers, none I know by name, nonetheless, a hearty poetic L'Chaim afforded folks, who commandeer, confidently coordinate quite efficient process despite minor lament regarding heavy toll stressing bulwark quaking chassis, ripsnorting driveshaft, shimmying entire automobile frame..., hence no matter our exhausted 2020 Hyundai Elantra puttered along somewhat lame, kudos to dedicated good samaritans, worth their weight in gold to tame hungrily growling, noisily rumbling tummies. Healthy choices allow, enabled, and provided us to secure provender eases glum countenance of this clown gratuity finds me bowing down paying metrical obeisance versus depleting meager monies engendering botox frown nipping in bud forestalling need going grocery shopping to the nearest town. Kudos accompanied by deafening applause to diminish and/or eliminate hunger pain that gnaws

generating audible rumbly in the tumbly,

whereat the soundgarden of birds and bees

dominate the immediate environment versus stomach growls because muscles in digestive tract squeeze to move food, liquid, and air,

Substantial portion, viz the lion's share of the following poem written June 10th, 2018, hence references made to news

tidbits well nigh scads of years ago after almost three hundred

and sixty five days since the missus and her bard arse moved here within where

tract of green acres acquired the Schwenk family of yore would be pleasantly surprised

to time travel and amble

along the main street and yours truly turn down an offer

to accompany them since unwellness hopefully explains why I wallow in despair

feeling like es hitch eye tee, a bout of lower gastrointestinal bugaboo

methinks perhaps malware or computer

virus infiltrated these lovely bones

rarely afflicted with unwellness,

and truth be told, I never contracted

a deadly disease, but almost died

upon the cusp of adolescence,

cuz I sip prose poe whit tree imps of the perverse goaded me to starve

this then thirteen year old boy.

Unseen enemy invades my body

with platoon of green berets air

rating, and enfilading immune system videlicet hub bully knock and analogous rock em and sock em robots kin me

courtesy roebuck seers sucker punches

mightier than Stormy Daniels wallop to my wallet

from an indomitable haversack being carrying

courtesy giant bully bear,

whereby cyclopean ogre

freighted hallucinatory dreams

popped up, dunkin noggin - donut ask

clouding ordinarily outlook clear

via this germane, foo fighting earthlinked,

googly eyed live prodigy

also smart arse derriere

(ha – at least sense of humor still intact),

when rest only respite against e’er gang num of good n plenty

supreme warriors decimating

heralding, lobbing, pulsating fanfare for this common man

ordinarily robust healthy Donald,

with Machiavellian bravado –

leaving said prince charged with impedance

unable to muster commando egg flu Jung

undermining capacity to brandish

barren grinchlike playboy prestige

self anointed reputation as grandpoobear

smacking dagnabbit fearlessness

sync king, limning, and feigning

to be among magnificent seven donning follicles slicked

in imitation of greaser

coiffed swept back blond hair,

where (if one could zoom

and magnify manifold) tom tom club melee

evincing, hammering and

juxtaposing sterling rods bamboozling schlepper

with molecular size bots trumpeting atomic bombs leveling MineCraft concentration

with piercing arrow marks intrepid invisible microscopic organisms,

attack in Cingular hardened gear entity,

aggregate, blasting billingsgate, congregate,

gravitate as best buy, capital one egghead, albeit flimsy groupon heir inherited

courtesy Don Ask Jeeves throne –

as one BuzzFeed linkedin

uber twittering shutterfly on my Bing viz, said lothario tumblr hotmail happened tubby barren some fancy feast,

where gimlet eyes cling aspirin, Bufferin

with super acting non-glue tin,

NOR NON GMO guaranteeing LifeLock on par with pinteresting illuminaire

hand crafted glittering gold earring overlaid with anti-semitic,

egotistic, and misogynistic veneer invaders re: Avast itsy bitsy potpourri

of foreigners re: survivors

without remorse to fling helter skelter infectious germs

flittering to and fro hither and yon

within mine corporeal

cerebral domed gummed hell

hounded integral kickstarter

i.e. complex edifice pell mell

twittering, SnapChatting, Ringling Brother

Barnum, Banks, Bailey & Bittle

inherited deadly killjoy Bluetooth to quell defensive IdentityGuard courtesy from mothers -

little helpers – satisfaction generating

excellent skill casting a spell binding heavenly gilt free,

progressively deteriorating conditions,

where William Tell Overture played over,

and over incessantly within – no let up waking in cold blood, sweat

and tears unwelcome videlicet by ace archers in dark hoodies

wielding bowed slings and arrows well aimed at apple of heart,

ratcheting up a notch,

this feeling feathery tarred,

and essentially un well,

where microbial infrastructure bound me with fluted

Streptococcus pyogenes bacteria causing strep throat drumming,

thus disallowing me

cast by Mike Callouder (or that may be one among many aliases - id est noms de plume), who asks me to pay him a whopping m&m&m &m&m PLUS dollars indirectly prods yours truly (me - the writer of these words) and feels bamboozled to brook no compromise, and offer sympathy to the devil instead with mother's little helper who proudly wears death be not Prada himself forsooth he roundly hammers me

with email reminders

regarding an outrageous

sum of money owed,

yet when I ask

to espy his website,

he fumfers querying me

with accusatory tinged inquiries

as if my inquisitiveness

irksome and irrelevant

and evasiveness triggered

courtesy an above board question,

which response id est

generates disinclination

to cough up

an excessive dollar figure

such behavior videlicet

automatically sets off

figurative alarm bells

and red flags

prompts a hunch

that an intuitive scammer

on the loose

impossible mission to ignore

a charlatan doggedly

trying to hoodwink me,

a target of countless

previous shady characters

whereat a keen

sixth sense prevails

fending off a cloud

of suspicion surrounding

above named person of interest,

thus I posed

the aforementioned scenario

and welcome feedback

regarding what other actions

can be taken

since no outright

proof exists that a wolf

in sheeps clothing

bombarding me to forfeit

a tidy sum of moolah,

when nothing explicitly obvious

allows, enables and provides

ample substantial evidence

to presume out and out

proclamation aforenamed individual

might be a bonafide scammer, or a similar facsimile thereof

merely predicated

on a disinclination

to ignore blatant

reasonable inquisitiveness

of mine for him

to share legitimate information

such as a website name

as proof positive

that potential thievary abounds

synonymous with that

well known and dreaded DOS

error message

"Abort, Retry, Ignore, Fail"

(often remembered as Abort,

Cancel, or Retry),

a famous critical

error message prompt

from MS-DOS that popped up

when the computer

hit a hardware roadblock

not immediately fixable

like a missing floppy disk,

an open drive door,

or a broken read

or reed linkedin

to trumpet sax and violins

play a sinister tune

to the ears and eyes

of one who experienced

the wool being pulled

over occipal orbs of mine unwilling to risk

relinquising a moderate

chunk of legal tender claimed by a faux computer technician now up against a smart sexagenarian

Ability to pee severely impacted courtesy lower gastrointestinal tract bloated, and all I could muster constituted a trickle, which dribble of urine

under pressure from bowel obstruction. Soon after completely

consuming the cocktail

of dulcolax, and miralax

plus pushing three suppositories

within black hole, “ay” double scribble

where the sun don't shine

instantaneously triggered a chain reaction

(more powerful than any atomic bomb)

at the business or posterior end,

which quickly broke on thru

to the other side

exited the body through the anus,

at the very end of the digestive tract,

the stool stored in the rectum

(the final chamber of the large intestine)

but until getting pushed out

through the anus,

(and once in motion according

to Sir Isaac Newton's

first law of thermodynamics...),

no opposing force could stop,

either the flying missile shaped dookie

large enough to sink a battleship,

or thwart the trajectory

taken by Polar Express

(defying odds/bookmakers

that surely disaster would ensue -

analogous to a derailed freight train)

going off the tracks or rails

thanks to yours truly - id est me

as referred to in common parlance

and much to the relief

of onboard conductor(s)

and for the sake

of nonchalant onlookers

which madding crowd

swelled the rank and file

(likened to a forever

expanding bloated gaseous body electric

within lower gastrointestinal tract)

comprising Huey Lewis

and his news crews,

plus Norris McWhirter,

the surviving twin, who co-founded

The Guinness Book of Records

with his twin brother,

after Ross McWhirter took

more than one bullet re: lee got assassinated,

and senselessly gunned down in cold blood

November 27, 1975,

by members of the Provisional

Irish Republican Army (IRA),

when two gunmen

from the "Balcombe Street Gang"

shot him in the head

and chest at point-blank range

outside his home in Enfield,

north London, shortly

after he offered

a reward for their capture,

thus he (though mortalized

as a martyr) could not witness

the awesome natural phenomena

as one after another

or to be more precise

exactly two humongous turds,

the baddest and biggest bowel movements

documented by esse skat toll adjusts

(this side of the Milky Way -

since Homo sapiens sapiens

walked the earth and kept meticulous

hand written esoteric notes

about dimensions of human waste,

which accident moving like wings

at the speed of sound)

and exceeding by light years

so mundane colonization of distant planets,

the following account became

the most watched tragedy

across the webbed wide world

since time immemorial,

not only by curious

(and billy me) idle onlookers

drawing at light speed,

(faster than Benjamin Button reversed aging)

an ever increasing madding crowd

within earshot of deafening muscle contractions

said locomotive went off the tracks or rails,

the awesome odoriferous natural phenomena

as one after another

or to be more precise

exactly two humongous turds,

the baddest and

biggest bowel movements

this side of the Milky Way

since Homo sapiens sapiens

walked the earth

and kept meticulous hand written notes

about dimensions of human waste

which both entities involved in wreck,

one can actually see

encased and housed

in commode shaped glass

and the other merely

a remaining loose caboose

when trains—specifically

steam locomotives—

widely referred to as "iron horses"

permanently affixed

to a mauled strip of tracks

Years from now the following anecdote based on fact, but embellished to the hilt with fiction, I will be sharing with kith and kin

one horrific case for the Guiness record books

being constipated that took me to the emergency room of the nearest hospital, where a team of surgeons labored night and day employing a procedure to relieve a partial and complete blockage in the small or large intestine, which involved removing the obstructing material (like scar tissue, a tumor, or a twisted bowel), restoring normal digestion, and repairing or removing any damaged intestinal tissue to prevent life-threatening complications, which involved extricating a humongous accretion

whar imp peed dense

robbed ability of mine to engage

in any one of a small number of favorite avocations

bequeathing genie us - of love id est myself and shoo fly black strapping soulmate, a hot buxom big bottom broad - and interestingly enough as a side note

tracing her descendents as a founding mother effer, who helped draft in conjunction with

the divine female creator unalienable rights (or inalienable rights) videlicet fundamental, innate human rights that cannot be surrendered, sold, or transferred to another person,

which explicitly guaranteed courtesy implicitly codified, deified, gratified... ratified, and verified obeissance to she who took a ribbing (cuz of her ribrocked role designing women and as an afterthought men)

declaring the human constitution such as me and thee dear reader

for life, liberty and pursuit of happiness

without a waste not want not - attitude means that if you are careful with your resources and avoid waste today, you will not be in need (or "want") in the future granting Homo sapiens sapiens precious little lifetime to savor prospective immortality if codas, diktats, edicts, et cetera found the offspring of Adam and Eve obeying an eco-conscious credo,

(where sniveling sycophants uttering in hushed puppy like tones heard intimating you bet your sweet bippy

while simultaneously heard laugh-in their pants off), where whirling dervishes accompanied Gaia and gala fête a lavish, often outdoor celebration, festival, or elaborate party analogous to tempests in a teapot

presented, proffered and offered remedy for aching alimentary (my dear Watson) canal unconditional acceptance to offset future obstructed bowels and follow doctors orders to ingest about a half dozen

dulcolax, miralax, plus inserting

no more than three suppositories

and ejaculating sweet victory

subsequently pooping like

there haint no tomorrow

when the above named over the counter products did finally after hours ever so slowly tick tock away giving me a reprieve to regale in the simple pleasures of stayin' alive to the sound of music no longer imp peed did to being figuratively tethered to the porcelain goddess and able, eager, ready and willing to relish sitting on my posterior end without experiencing stabbing pain, and contractions, I would imagine similar to a pregnant woman in labor which condition of being under pressure pushin' down on me pressin' down on you, no man ask for without feeling under pressure that brings a building down splits a family in two, puts people on streets Mm-ba-ba-beh, mm-ba-ba-beh Dee-day-da, ee-day-da as the muscles in league to process human feces stool or poo, and earlier in the digestive tract, semi-liquid waste known as chyme

before exiting the body electric

found yours truly (me) quenching, relishing, and savoring, amazingly healthy paltry body mass index lovely bones, muscles and sinew versus being a grateful dead lifeless mass of flaccid flesh and spindleshanks for calves, not significantly meatier overall than when I first came into this webbed, wide world as a tangled mass of spindly arms and legs thrashing amazingly and slickly graceful even then lxvii plus years ago moving to the beat of my own drummer as a little boy blue who clamored to be Little Lord Fauntleroy

for Homo sapiens sapiens, whose love affair

with hate and violence

makes living evinced as utopian an impossible mission,

when within a twenty four hour period murder and mayhem run rampant no longer shock the monkey though being an innocent bystander nevertheless, I experience what feels like a sledgehammer coming down hard and fast

on my head, and if religious I would equate the following

words somehow linkedin to

the diabolical, which satanic verse here far beyond the realm of rational thinking just attempted to cull

mostly unflattering words ending with istic, (but I did include some admirable words) relating to, or characterized by a (specified) quality — used to form adjectives from related nouns that end in -ism, and as a sensitive, intuitive, furtive, and assertive person, who knows enough to sift the wheat from the chaff (beyond the realm of hyperbolical - cause sensational news sells) chaff thru a process called winnowing and horrific real life stories publicized on the webbed wide world

which on many occasions seems stranger than fiction, and though many compliments

can be associated with profound capacity for naked ape to exhibit not only self destructive characteristics

eclipsed - courtesy mortal kombat - impressive cognitive abilities the agents provocateurs capitalizing on immediate yearning abandon their true values volunteer to risk their life and limb

to experience rush of testosterone driving them analogous to a madman which maniacal potential exists

within the heart of darkness and insane soul asylum

of the average earthling,

I feel self disapproval at perpetrating heinous dirty deeds done dirt cheap generally repulsed by guts and blood but nevertheless morbidly fascinated at breadths, depths, lengths, et cetera individuals subject themselves

and/or deliberately foment riots I catch myself unawares after reading documented accounts

about voyeuristic, ultranationalistic,

terroristic, sadistic, radicalist; qabalistic (relating to or having a secret, mystical,

or esoteric meaning); pugilistic;

opportunistic (especially at the expense of others welfare); narcissistic; militaristic; lamaistic (also alluding to someone being submissive such as yours truly back in the day, whose sublimated nonestablishmentarian predilections); kabbalistic (neutral impact describing neither positive nor negative human behavior - in my humble opinion); jargonistic (definitely applicable to my writing style); imperialistic; hedonistic; gongoristic (that would apply to me right here in parenthesis); fascistic, egotistic, dysphemistic, cannibalistic, ballistic, atavistic,

antagonistic, et cetera,

but still the shear brutality of the supposed wisest of global genus and species breeding like rabbits) manages to render and fixate these myopic eyes of mine and draw occipital orbs where no shortage of headline stories

adrip with killing, looting, murdering,

pillaging and plundering, raping

unsuspected innocent victims of circumstance does color projection longevity

regarding the perpetuation where the most dominant bipedal hominid

runs rampant over the planet

procreating without restraint

inducing me to predict decline and self extinction

when dark shadows will lurk from the outer limits

of the twilight zone where one can envision a foo fighting

beastie boy driving the highway to hell oblivious at being thunderstruck, where din of noise sounded like a bajillion hells bells being struck

at the same time signaling the approach of ten thousand maniacs

coming around the mountain when she (ruthless Mother Nature) comes barreling like the the furies. In mythology, the Furies were three snake-haired goddesses— Alecto, Megaera, and Tisiphone— who served as relentless avengers of unpunished crimes. In modern language, the word is used more generally to describe intense, violent anger, or to refer to a person— often a spiteful woman— who acts like an avenging spirit. Essentially when most feared apocalypse materializes making the American Civil

War child's play especially when the

sixteenth president uttered prophetic words

Insurance imbroglio Hopefully the following lines of poetry convince thee dear reader (ravenous for my work - ha) why both of us (yours truly and the missus) experienced figuratively being hot under the collar with a ring around it. After donning my invisible thinking cap and basically, desperately, futilely

trying to communicate

with a financial hardship plea

to Advanced Dermatology,

Keystone First member services,

and calling Medicare member services

(I cannot remember

the exact order

which representative got contacted first,

second, and third,

but all the calls nevertheless

seemed to be in vein)

and presented a classic example

what seemed like getting the runaround

hopelessly trying to piece together,

how the situation came to pass

that saddled a young looking elderly

married couple, id est

for the unprecedented

amount of thirty years

which male counterpart

constitutes the writer of these words,

which for us poor folks amount

accrued into a flagrant exhorbitant

non-negotiable outrageous charge of seven hundred and twenty dollars purportedly for an

anesthesia service-doctor generated charge

after the missus underwent

her appointment with Advanced Dermatology

this past January twenty first

merely a routine dermatological medical procedure

that neither Keystone First nor Medicare

refused to pick up the tab

thus you bet your bottom dollar

and sweet bippy

either one of us (myself and the missus) didst hollar from here to kingdom come found me physically, and mentally exhausted after spending countless hours over the phone yesterday waiting on hold for what seemed like an eternity patiently waiting for this, that or the other person (on the other end) to pepper us being asked a barrage of questions explaining that the wife happened to be enrolled in Keystone First

iterated above at the time

January 21st, 2026

I patiently listened

and interjected questions

every now and again

after unsuccessfully trying

to explain to the best of my ability

to an insurance representative

that the wife happened

to be enlisted

in the aforementioned

former insurance plan,

and switched over to the latter,

two month later on March first

to Aetna Medicare

Advantra Dual Care (Hmo D-Snp)

as a last ditch effort

the bill got sent to us,

thus I considered

the matter unsatisfactorily resolved,

and fought tooth and nail

come hell and/or high water

(remember that heavy rainfall

a couple days ago, the one that rivalled great flood necessitating Noah to build in a haste his Ark?) for the individual

or unanimous decision

trying my to rescind the

COB Coordination of Benefits decision

denial decided on June seventeenth

a formerly Hirsute (with hair almost down to his high knee, which imparted an immediate impression of a nonacquisitive, nonconformist, nonestablishmentarian, et cetera an amazingly gracefully aging sexagenarian baby boomer maintaining youthfulness looking who frequently incorporates stories within his freestyle lengthy poems

one of the reasons (sometimes with rhymes), he unspools instantaneous thoughts within a surge of spontaneity as if the words spill forth of their own accord and invisibly drip from fingers the theme mainly linkedin

with trials and tribulations

that populate lifespan and since January 13th two thousand and sixteen marking the sixty seventh orbit

completed around the sun

ofttimes intimating being in the doldrums id est a feeling of listlessness and depression

even now eight hundred and ten months

since yours truly exited the birth canal, (a tangle of wiry arms and legs tipping the scales at about seven pounds

and so many even or odd ounces), whose calves of mine still skinny analogous to spindle shanks

that nevertheless support slender thighs, a buttucks still being in the process of being satisfactorily sculpted doing stretches mainly to ease lower back pain which plagued me at about seventy inches tall (the height of a man more'n sixty years ago), but now big so called little boys the size of an average kindergartner

find me overshadowed by towering lads their heads nearly scraping the ceiling, and I find myself physically intimidated, when crossing paths with such youths, who look like they could easily be potential bullies, cause the painful memories of yesteryear the writer of these words designated as the de facto scapegoat

an extremely socially withdrawn student

who never raised his hand

despite being about an unclear taught lesson, and usually as a result experienced receiving unflattering grades, which magic markers used up and then some to review homework assignments or perspiration (courtesy sweaty hand) on many an occasion found tests wet, when handed to the teacher which passive and submissive trait

never found me asking in an assertive voice for a retake, cause rumor circulated that the student who received a makeshift plaque as the most quiet student (much smarter than he appeared at first blush) during senior year at Methacton High School reckons those twelve years got misspent at an average sized institution of higher learning, an nary a handy dandy blue's clue

found this self anointed bard of Schwenksville

at his wits end regarding vocational objective,

thus I hop-scotched from one College/University

with the hope to suddenly discover a calling,

but none came, and a vast stretch of time

got frittered away courtesy anticipatory anxiety at a natural born (this way) ineptitude

without sealing a pact or deathly deal

nor linkedin with dark forces inducing tortured psyche to feel or the aid or use of consciousness expanding material, and abandonment of hair as frequently iterated within

mine many previous written poetic spiel.

Although plagued with lower back pain (for the greater part of mein kampf) on either side of my spine my physical stance tends to appear oblique just subtly hinting at being a hunchback not of Notre Dame, but an eight year resident of Schwenksville, who since getting a major makeover (courtesy the oft mentioned Jesse at Salon Nova - whose epic skill with brush, comb and scissors bitta bing bitta bang suddenly finds others to look at my handsome profile (quite an adjustment receiving accolades and all around smiles versus jabbering, mocking, pointing, et cetera me cause I indicated, evinced and appeared to others as a long haired pencil necked geek who infrequently showered after many a week, did elapse, thus emanating an odor that didst reek (even to yours truly)

of something spoiled or rotten that in tandem to my long hair unquestionably convinced, evinced others within and without province of Perkiomen Valley a district (within southeastern Montgomery County, Pennsylvania) didst (without a Punxsutawney shadow of a doubt honestly look at me like a circus freak, gifted with a button nose versus an outsize beak, which if cursed with the latter would probably be able, eager, ready, and willing to keep my head above water if caught unawares (donning only my underwear - fresh out of a shadow) in the undertow and riptide of an overflowing creek thanks being equipped with a hypothetical outsize schnozz to save mein little boy blue lookalike doppelgänger of self from drowning and possibly be worshipped as a hero (similar to rescuing my younger sister when she floundered in the above ground pool way back when family of origin lived along Lantern Lane in Audubon, Pennsylvania) saving another life, someone analogous to my boyish self id est quite meek who feels comfortable sharing ala sneak peek a snippet of random act of kindness which deeds occurred infrequently to another person, whether family, friend or foe and unvarnished truth be told many a blessed sisterly genuine acts of love shown their sole non-prodigal brother, the middle offspring of three progeny begat courtesy from a mama and papa, who long since passed away, by now their souls ferried to spiritus mundi, which most famously appears in W.B. Yeats' poem "The Second Coming," where said phrase refers to a collective, universal memory that holds all human symbols, archetypes, and historical knowledge, impossible realm to prove or disprove,

but though a cynic in the eyes of an angry god, in the eyes of by Jonathan Edwards, (1703–1758) a colonial American preacher, philosopher, and theologian: Widely considered one of the greatest American intellectuals, he played a central role in the First Great Awakening and best known for his vivid sermon, "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," where cynic and sinner effectively one and the same from the perspective of wrathful deity, the cynic's doubt and intellectual detachment seen as profound, dangerous acts of rebellion

from the skool of hard knocks

(versus preferable lessons learned at the soft skool of knockers).

From now on,

I write important appointments within a physical booklet/calendar rather than solely rely on storing them on my Safelink Samsung Tracfone cell phone and became smart really quick after the fact where important dates kept and honorably, mainly (no make that singularly) recorded for the remaining days of July and into subsequently months of the year 2026 cause every last one of those mental, physical and spiritual dates got erased viz ably by a ghost in machine, which contrivance also known as above mentioned electronic hand held device ordinarily, a handy dandy blue's clues lifeline in case of emergency, and convenient accessory to maintain valuable personal information like totally meaningless to anybody else but the upside being most of the parties involved (even tangentially with mine) under intense Freudian analysis and hypnosis, (which cost me a small fortune added to other unpaid debts), now finds me searching high and low for a sugar free mama minus any fringe benefits, but thus far no anonymous gal (though celibate, the preference for a female financial beneficiary to be able, eager, ready

and willing to jump/kick me feeling somewhat down in the dumps to announce emancipation proclamation against financial hardship once and for all, hence preference fine companion of the female persuasion, nevertheless would reckon as the first thru last personal choice since the marriage between yours truly id est me and the missus more on a par as co-inhabitants than husband and wife for three decades

who sealed the deed and seeded the deal on July twenty fifth nineteen hundred and ninety six

though bereft of physical intimacy (basically on account of a libido of mine

that took a kamikaze nose dive

linkedin to side effects of one or more of the ten prescription medications taken as a palliative to alleviate the oppressive anxiety (at times decades ago debilitation attacks their worst found racing heart of mine, nausea and vertigo, which triggered the fight and flight affect inducing me to make a beeline for the bathroom, and now irritable bowel syndrome now replaced with frequent ordeals with constipation offtimes finding me to clog the toilet after every occasion to defecate, and necessitating me to bucket flush (plus get a work out to boot) courtesy futility using the bathtub faucet in tandem with the plunger, which invariably generated an appetite for what else but pop slop essentially an amalgamation regarding days worth of barely edible leftovers that entered the pie hole

and once and for all

to get a handle

on an unflattering schleppy look regarding where follicles grew

(like a tree in Brooklyn) from which sprouted countless "strands of hair" depending on context and can refer to individual filaments or grouped clusters. Common synonyms include locks of hair, tresses, tufts, wisps, or filaments. Though long overdue, a small number of reasons without rhymes explain why I made a snap decision not only for undergoing a complete makeover two yesterdays ago July seventh two thousand and twenty six foremost being maintenance (or lack thereof), but also abide by a private objective to avoid sporting

unkempt tangled tresses,

(that resembled dreadful locks), albeit abiding to forego lapsing into a dominant pattern letting hair to go to the figurative birds

motivated to donate

about a half dozen ropy lock

to the non-profit wigs for kids

in particular, (who did a wonderful job sprucing up my unruly birds nest - and tantamount to endangering

nearly the following pestilential species

that thrive in unkempt hair:

Human hair naturally

hosts a delicate microbiome,

but when left unwashed

and uncombed, conditions shift

to favor specific parasitic insects

and microorganisms, which primary inhabitants

that capitalize (true to Marxist philosophy)

proliferate within these environments include:

Head Lice (Pediculus humanus capitis):

Small, blood-sucking insects

that live on the scalp

and attach their eggs (nits)

to the hair shaft.

Despite the common myth,

lice do not actively prefer

unwashed or "dirty" hair;

they simply get drawn

to the warm blood supply of the host.

However, uncombed hair

such as mine before being cut

provided a sheltered,

undisturbed environment

for nits to incubate and multiply.

Fortunately and luckily that never happened. Demodex Mites (Demodex folliculorum

and Demodex brevis):

Microscopic arachnids

that live inside the hair follicles

and sebaceous glands.

They feed on the sebum

(natural oils) produced

When hair not washed,

sebum accumulates,

creating a larger food source

that can trigger an overgrowth

of these mites.

Malassezia (Fungi):

A genus of naturally occurring yeast

that thrives on the oily secretions

of the human scalp.

If hair not washed, sebum

and sweat builds up, allowing

this fungus to proliferate

and contribute to dandruff

or seborrheic dermatitis. Normal Scalp Microbiome (Bacteria):

Bacteria like Staphylococcus

and Cutibacterium normally exist

on human skin.

Unwashed hair, especially

when allowed to become

matted or tangled,

traps sweat and dead skin cells,

encouraging these bacteria

to multiply rapidly. While some insects

like bedbugs or fleas

can occasionally crawl

through hair, only head lice

and Demodex mites

fully adapted to complete

their entire life cycles directly

on the human head.

My humble apology

for losing myself (without my religion)

to a rather gross scenario,

but hands of mine operate

with a mind all their own.

Long a staple of my a bum-in-a-bull appearance videlicet (which means "namely," "that is to say," or "as follows") long unruly hair of mine, I credit thee for helping me feel like a million bucks, and more deadset to comply

with being more determined

than ever before in my life

practice healthy hygiene, and maintain fashionable hairstyle, which promises (to abide

until death do me part) attention to grooming myself, which behavior formerly from today

usually got shrugged off

and given the short shrift as the days and weeks elapsed after finally summoning courage to entrust a skilled technician whose small, medium and large claim to fame lies within dextrous fingers clasping scissors plus a brush and/or comb analogous to an individual adroit within the science and art of topiary the name of a person, who sculpts hedgerows into animals to be admired such asTim Bushe: A London architect who gained fame for trimming his neighbors' hedges into various animals, including cats, elephants, fish, hippos, and squirrels, such that his work became a recognized Google Maps landmark, and also similar to a resident named Bill Thurman (who resides here at Highland Manor with his Tuxedo cat he named Corbin Andrew Thurman, and prioritizes his smart as a whip furry four legged feline) but lacks ways and means to hustle his amazingly graceful while being wheel chair bound and non-ambulatory

and much restricted with leaden arms due to countless injuries throughout his seventy plus years where he mainly lived

within the states of Florida, Georgia, Massachusetts, Kentucky, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina and honed a craft incorporating trash (which he pulls out from the dumpster) into treasure yet being morbidly obese (linkedin to aforementioned industrial accidents), nevertheless assembles awesome finished products that could probably fetch quite a bundle of money courtesy (think small fortune) if sold off at the following Premier Auction Houses: Christie's: The world's leading art business, hosting high-profile live and online auctions for historic, modern, and contemporary masterpieces. Sotheby's: Operating since 1744, a premier destination for fine art, luxury items, and rare collectibles, offering a robust online bidding interface. Phillips: Specializing specifically in 20th and 21st-century contemporary art, design, photographs, and editions. Bonhams: A globally renowned auction house that handles both fine art and a diverse range of collectibles, from classic cars to Asian art.

Matthew Harris begs his and your pardon