Kama Chic

Drifting in and out of grief attacks

Alas she is beyond wretched

to crave to touch or be touched

Her fanciful considerations of love and marriage evaporating leaving residue of melancholy

What she had desired for her present evidently an oversized folly

Alarmed at the idea that she would no longer be romantically and sexually responsive the way she had aspired to be,

she lamented pensively

The case may well be that she has surpassed the number of lovers a woman was created to have,

Possibly this is her fate, to love not and not to be loved

At least not the way she had countlessly envisioned

Not after flying through so many hands as though that was her life’s mission

Crestfallen, she won’t be as warm and wholehearted as she was once before

Pessimism settling in her bones emanating cynicism from her core

She stumbled into a corner and shamefully licked on her sores

A long long time ago, my husband, our two sons and I had gone out for an ice-cream treat. It was sometime when I was always thinking of curbing unnecessary expenditure.

As a selfless person, who was too much in love with her family to deny them of any pleasure, I always chose to sacrifice my own excesses. And it didn’t even feel like a sacrifice ever, because I was a woman of very few needs/ wants/ desires…

So, when my husband asked each one of us to choose our favorite flavor of ice-cream, I responded as usual, “I won’t have any.”

The boys enjoyed one round and ordered another; my response remained the same, “I don’t want any.”

I was happy in my family’s happiness. I was happy that my not indulging in pleasure was perhaps ensuring some more goodies in the future for my dear ones. .

But my husband looked at me and said, “Please don’t do this to yourself and to us. I want a happy wife; not a sacrificial lamb. I have seen that too much sacrifice eventually leads to bitterness and victim-mentality. And I sure as hell do not want you to develop that.

You see, after a period of time, the boys and I will stop asking you for your choice, because we will assume that you don’t want it; we will take you for granted and subconsciously start treating you as a doormat… It will then hurt you.. and you will feel miserable and unimportant. You will think that we don’t care about you.

While in truth we would be behaving naturally, knowing from experience that you don’t care for yourself.. That your wishes are not important… .

So, I suggest that you always take your share and then if you really don’t like it, share it with someone who does. That will be good for all of us. You will learn how to claim your importance in your own and our eyes and we will always ask you. There will be happiness all around.”

His talk made sense to me and I couldn’t help but think about many older women who always complained, “I did so much for so and so but today they don’t even think/ care for me.”

I also remembered many instances where children would turn back and say, “But why did you do so much? Did we ask you for it? You did it because it made you happy. Who asked you to be so self-sacrificing?”

This train of thought made me take a re-look at the word ‘self-less’, equating it with self-sacrifice. That day the meaning of these words opened up for me!

Self-sacrifice ……… is not the balanced way!!!

May every trial you face in this confusing world be a means for you to draw closer to your Creator in this world and in the Hereafter.

If your heart is hurting or breaking, may He heal it and grant you tranquility and peace. If you are battling loneliness and are longing for companionship, may He grant you a soul companion who will be a comfort and a mercy to you in this world and your companion in Paradise.

If you have suffered loss and have no idea how you’ll go on, may He grant you better than you lost and reunite you with the believers amongst His beloved in this world and in the Hereafter.

If you are battling spiritual confusion, emptiness, or frustration, may He gift you with the light of emaan, make the coolness of your eye the Salaah, and make the spring of your heart the Qur’an until you meet Him.

And for those heartfelt prayers that you’ve whispered to Him on the edge of desperation, tears in your eyes, begging of His bounty and mercy, may He grant you what your heart desires—and may He grant you better than the best you could hope for or imagine.

And may your last days be the best of your life, your last deeds your best deeds, and your best day the Day you meet Ar-Rahmaan.

And dear struggling soul, may the Most Merciful write you down amongst those whom He loves, announcing your name above the heavens and commanding the angels to love you as He loves you, until love of you is placed in the hearts of His believers on earth.

*Dhikr is the remembrance of Allah. It is saying SubhaanAllah, Alhamdulillaah, Astaghfirullaah, etc. It is du’aa—prayerful supplication. It is reciting Qur’an. It is any sincere mention of Allah.