Dream

“Because it’s what she wanted! She doesn’t want me.”

“Because she’s never had to want you Christian. She always had you. You made a mistake. You’re actually in love with her.”

“And love means putting someone else's needs first...her needs first and she needs him… not me.”

“I’m not gonna sit back and watch my friends...my crew… ruin itself because you think you’re being selfless. Did you ever think how this was gonna complicate things? Are you really gonna be ok with watching her be with someone else? It’s not like you’re not going to see it every single day. You can’t ignore this”

“Scott...just leave it… alright…”

Seeing the pained look on Christian’s face Scott didn’t want to push it anymore. “Fine. But you know I’m right...so I’ll drop it for now....” he sighed walking away only to double back. “Just for the record-”

“Scott please”

And that was that.

In all the years that Scott had known Christian, they’d had their fair share of arguments. Creative difference and what not since they always had such a vivid vision. But this was the first time he’d seen him so stern.

Scott dropped it and Christian decided he was going to put his everything into being there for you. He’d always been there as a friend and that wasn’t going to stop now.

You groaned leading Dabin into your apartment after your date. “I am so sorry” you sighed for the umpteenth time before hurrying toward your kitchen to grab some more paper towels.

It was like your date was doomed from the beginning. You suggested going on a hike up the mountain trail, and about a mile up the mountain you realized that hiking was not Dabin’s forte. He was winded and started to get cranky but powered through it for you. You ended up cutting the hike shorter for his sake and he couldn’t look more elated. You thought it was cute that he still went with it even though he obviously didn’t want to. 

The other mistake came when you got ice cream and you accidentally spilled your very chocolate ice cream on his very white t-shirt. You wiped at the stain with your damp paper towel. “Oh...it’s still not coming out” you frowned, scrubbing and the stain. Dabin blushed seeing the determined look on your face. You were so close and he couldn’t help but feel nervous at the closeness. “Hurry, take it off before it sets, I’ll toss it in the laundry”

“Y-you sure?”

“Dabin don’t ask silly questions. Ice cream can be stubborn when it wants to be” He slipped his t-shirt over his head and handed it to you, your eyes instantly averting when you tripped off your words. “Um-I..I’ll grab you another t-shirt to wear” you mumbled walking to the laundry room. He definitely wasn’t as muscular as Christian but that didn’t stop your heart from racing. As you put the detergent in with his shirt you paused and your blush deepened.

Why were you still thinking of Christian? As you absently adjusted the settings on the laundry machine. You thought back to the date. Dabin wasn’t a very outdoorsy person and you should have considered that when you planned the date. It was just an activity that you enjoyed doing so you didn’t think much of it. And if it wasn’t for occasionally holding hands, did it feel much like date?

You grabbed a t-shirt and made your way back to the living room to see an all too nervous Dabin standing in your living room far too awkwardly. “Sorry you must be freezing” you handed him the shirt.

“I’m alright” he gave you that kind smile before looking at the shirt. For the slightest moment, you can see him falter. He knew that shirt. He’d seen Christian wear it a few times. There was nothing distinct about the shirt. A simple medium v-neck t-shirt, but it was obviously worn and in your apartment and he just knew. The same way he could feel Christian’s presence in your whole apartment. There were little things all over your living room.

A framed photo of you and Christian’s dog Lori on the mantel, one of Christian’s vintage cameras on your coffee table, a fisheye lens on your bookshelf, a photo of the two of you as children proudly on display on your desk. A knitted blanket from his Peru trip that he watched Christian spend an hour picking out, artfully placed on your couch. Christian even had a few pairs of shoes sitting by the entrance of your doors.

Seeing you give him a confused look he couldn’t help but feel jealous. You really didn’t think anything of it. Having another man’s clothes in your house. Having so much of one person in your home.

“Dabin…?” you whispered as you walked closer to you, trapping you against the wall. His hand on yours, grabbing the shirt and tossing it on the ground.

“Are you dating me exclusively?”

You swallowed hard, not sure why you were so nervous. It wasn’t like the usual butterflies in your stomach, but almost an anxiety. “Yes. I am...what makes you ask me something like that?” you gasped as he tilted your chin upward to look at him. He didn’t look dangerous, he looked desperate. You couldn’t understand why but that sad desperate look scared you much more than any dangerous look he couldn’t ever give you. People aren't themselves when they were desperate.

“Do you actually like me...or are you just settling…?” there was so much hurt in his voice.

“Dabin-”

He captured your lips in a kiss, one rougher than any than he’d ever given you. You kissed him back, trying to keep up with him. You groaned feeling him nip and bite at your lip his hands moving down the side of your body pulling you against him. You could barely breathe. Each gasp of air was quickly covered by his lips. He was frantic. “Dabin” you whispered sharply. “Slow down”

His lips moved down the side of your neck kissing and sucking the skin there, hungrily making you cry out. “Dabin, not so rough” you gripped his shoulder. There was something that was starting to feel wrong. You were actually starting to get scared of him. The moment his hand gripped the waistband of your shorts you pushed him away with all your might. “Stop!”

“I’m sorry…” he quickly apologized and distanced himself from you. “I’m so sorry…” he sighed, frustrated with himself.

Folding your arms over your chest you looked at him, eyeing him. “What...what is wrong? What’s going on?”

“I like you...alot…I’ve liked you ever since I met you...but I always thought that you and Christian had this thing...So I just dealt with it...But when Christian told me you liked me...and I actually stood a chance I- I knew I just had to take my chance… Even if you were just settling. I don’t mind...I mean….I didn’t...but….” he sighed. “I’d never hurt you...I’d give you everything…But it’s really hard to compete with him…”

“Dabin….” you wanted to tell him that there was nothing to compete with. That you weren’t settling. That he had you. But it just wouldn’t come out. You couldn’t lie to him. “I...I liked you too Dabin. You were so cute and sweet and warm...You made me happy just being near you...but...I think I may have romanticized the idea of being with you...We don’t know each other intimately...You’ve never been more than friends.”

“But we can be…”

Looking down, hugging yourself a little tighter. “I…” you were finally coming to terms with everything with who you were and your emotions. “I don’t think I want to be anymore… I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” he smiled softly. “Now that we’re back to being friends...Can I be honest with you?”

“Yeah? Of course, what is it?”

“I hate hikes and I don’t like ice cream” he laughed. You giggled and shook your head. And suddenly you found yourself able to smile freely again. Any anxiety and fear you previously had subsiding.

There was something else you still had to do and sink or swim you had to take that leap.

To Be Continued...