wright, not wrong

I’m still trying to connect the right dots to be honest

Oh don’t worry, big spender! I’ve got it allll figured out

Foreign Satellite crash: Possible Coudseeding? (Starter)

Near the end of June there were multiple local reports of a space crash, followed by reported regular irregularities. 

However none of these reports have been confirmed, nor has there been agreement on what the descending object or objects were, if any exist at all. 

But here on your favorite nonpartisan balanced media outlet, we ask the hard questions the corporate puppets don’t want you to think about! Is it a really coincidence that the unusual cold fronts started when “The Object” crashed? 

Or is it connected? Remember a few months back when there were reports of an “Eye in the Sun” accompanied by electrical blackouts? 

Is it possible that this is connected to a greater campaign of satellite surveillance and sabotage? 

While we’ve already experienced communications and electrical interference, possibly from The Object. Is it becoming obvious that the latest cold fronts are a next stage of weather manipulation? Is this fallen Object a sign that these cloud-seeding experiments in our skies have gone wrong, or have even exceeded expectations? 

But are these experiments and surveillance the actions our great nation’s enemies? Or elements of the government itself?

Stay safe, stay alert fellow americas, The Sky isn’t done watching us

Yo did you see the message they left in the sky for us last night?

Yes! I have losts of cheesecake. 

Including Zebra Hush Cake, which is competitively priced, and delicious, but forbidden. 

I am not a plant, unfortunately 

But I need a cure for voicelessness that works on plants. Do you know any?

And you’re just keeping it to yourself? You know who really likes cheesecake? The bears in the wood. You should give it to them.

Does it taste like actual Zebra? What’s so forbidden about it

You wanna be a plant? Why the hell would you wanna be a boring foto foeto fotosinthisizer. You can’t eat cheesecake as a plant

Asking for a friend: If your dog got sprayed by a weird looking skunk, what would help get rid of the smell? The internet says it may or may not have been a Wolpertinger. Please help, I smell my friend’s dog smells so bad.

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Get rid of the dog = get rid of the smell

Win, win!

Or have you tried a nice blood bath?

Now for a subject completely removed from our very competitively priced and delicious Cheesecake that you love….

Does anyone have any cures for losing your voice?

Specifically: do you any lost voice cures that are safe for plants?

[user has seemingly graduated to figuring out how to ghost on the internet]

Cheesecake? You sellin’ cheesecake? God, I miss fucking eating cheesecake.

Are you a plant? Shit, I didn’t know plants could type. I haven’t been dead that long, right?

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[pm] Yeah, but there’s my kind of busy: you know, robbing houses, picking pockets, conning suckers; and then there’s yours: fucking poisoning half the town. What was up with that, anyway? Was there an objective? And you should be jealous. If I do another job like that for your boss, I’ll be seeing both my judge and jury before I see you.

Some EMT. Didn’t catch their name or anything. Just send a really nice gift basket to the whole hospital. Lovely people, the lot of them.

Okay, fair. And, I am far more interesting than most.

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[pm] Aww, a little excitement and now you’ve suddenly got cold feet? Damn, I thought you have more guts than that. I guess it’s true. You can’t be pretty and bloodthirsty. Besides it was was only like- I don’t know eighty people or something. You all kinda blur together, it’s hard to count. And only three people died. Bit of a let down, if you ask me. 

Oh, I just sent a friend a gift in the hospital. Did you want help crafting your’s, too? I’m real good at making bears. 

Maybe, depends what kind of knee you’re looking for. 

I suppose there’s something to be said for knowing what you like. 

{pm} Are you having me on? Because if you’re not, you may want to stick to pm. Unless you want some trigger-happy desperado hunting you down. And I mean that quite literally.  

[pm] Oh, I’m completely serious. Everyone should try out blood jacuzzis. They’re great for the skin. 

Okay so uh….

I’m having a debate with a librarian and it seems like they read books so uh….that puts me in a tight spot. 

So two questions internet:

1) Can wolves like hamburgers? Can they eat them?

2) Has a Guinea Pig ever eaten someones finger? 

No DIE guys are allowed to answer because. Because you fucking know why. Stop typing Terry I know you are going make that 2 pound burger-sex joke i swear to god

It’s the worst when they read books, isn’t it? 

1) Wolves definitely eat hand-burgers along with other assorted body parts! Bears, too! Were you trying out a new recipe? Let me know if you need testers!

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[pm] Good. Fuck, Wright, is it always this busy with your boss? I signed up for a little crime, not, you know, that. Forgive me I don’t give a shit about the lack of firearms when I’m, you know, wanted in most of the states on the West Coast. I don’t who the fuck these people are or where they’re from.

Well, I was banking on someone fucking helping me. Which, they did. Plus, no one looks at someone who’s been poisoned when they’re looking for a poisoner.

Aw, I’m your favorite?

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[pm] I mean busy is what keeps the cash flowing, darling. And I’m sure you know the bigger the crime, the bigger the money. Stop talkin like that, you know it makes me jealous when you say how everyone wants you. 

Who was it? I’ll send them a nice gift basket with minimal gore. Or extra, if they like that sort of thing. You’re really the whole package, aren’t you? Beauty and brains.

Who else would be my favorite? Interesting humans are few and far between. 

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Oh well no I kinda need my knee. But I’d seriously consider finding a knee to give if someone could tell me pats is’t gone gone.

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