some of the bullshit thatâs come out of his mouth between my Medieval History and Western Civ 1 transcribed into RP sentence meme form. have a party with it, change pronouns as you need to.
âYou shouldnât walk through fire. Thatâs why God made it so hot.â
âWell, Iâm ___, so of course I need a GIANT GUN.â
âI donât care what fancy magic armor you wear, if a fat man with no pants hits you with a cleaver, youâre dead.â
âHeâs like a walking encyclopedia of useless shit.â
â___ scared the shit out of everyone back in the day. Thatâs something that hasnât changed.â
âAnd it was at that moment I realized there would be no peace.â
âAt my age, the only thing that scares me is an IRS tax audit.â
âYou canât even get me to walk up a block to get a sandwich.â
âCome on, itâll be fun! Do it for Jesus!âÂ
âThis is one thing Europe is good at. Exporting violence.â
âIâm sorry, I find it a little hard to believe that a bunch of guys smoking hash can attack anything. Unless itâs like, a pie.â
âOne crossbow bolt later and I learned that toothpaste makes excellent makeshift wall Spackle.â
âThe question isnât why or how it could fall, the question is how did it last that long.â
âIf you havenât seen a breast yet you need to get out of the house.â
âFirst thingâs first, Iâm kind of an asshole.â
âAnd thatâs why my girlfriend doesnât take me out to nice places anymore. Which is good, because I didnât want to go in the first place.â
âMoral of the story? When something isnât yours, you treat it like shit.âÂ
âI like woodchucks. Theyâre the fat kids of the forest.â
âWhen the wind blows itâs like Satanâs hairdryer.â
âThis cognacâs so expensive itâd be cheaper for me to do crack.â
âItâs like you know what theyâre saying but youâre having a stroke.â
âNo one likes you when you sleep with their wives and husbands and children.â
âDonât do that. Youâll get warm. Then youâll get sleepy. Then youâll get dead.â
âThis war takes fucking FOREVER.â
âItâs like going on a road-trip with Stalin. Like, there are fun times, where youâre in Vegas and drinking together, but then youâre digging your own grave in the desert because he thinks you cheated at blackjack.â
âHeâs pretty much his sugar daddy.â
âChildren are like little drunk people.â
âIf youâre going to go all the way to another country and then still eat McDonaldâs, youâre kind of an asshole.â
âHow many prostitutes can you put in a boat? Letâs find out!âÂ
âI say itâs a dead dog story, but I promise thereâs a funny ending.â
âItâs like crack, if crack was cheese.â
âPicture a Playboy mansion gone wrong.â
âItâs like living in some bizarre fantasy porno.â
âHe smells like something from the X-Files.â
âThere are a lot of ways to die, but not many quite as stylish.â
âIf youâre looking for a back tattoo this is the one you want.â
âWhy does he succeed? He has a plan. Sounds stupid, but not many people have one.â