Wowcrendor

I just came across a post I made about 3 years ago on being an INFP in the MBTI test. (Source:http://wowcrendor.tumblr.com/post/29492048687/hey-crendor-im-an-infp-and-i-wanted-to-ask-you) 

 For those of you that don’t know what that is, it’s essentially a test that types your personality into 16 categories. If you don’t care, or think these types of tests are dumb, I’d probably just stop reading right now. If you’re interested, this site does a pretty good job in explaining most everything http://www.16personalities.com/

Back then, I took the test, which can be a pretty generic test, and kept getting INFP. I read about INFP’s and everything seemed to relate to me perfectly. Now, a few years later, I’ve realized that what I truly am is an INTJ.

Before going further, I’ll be the first to say that this test isn’t supposed to be some horoscope, but rather a better way to understand your brain so you can improve upon your weaknesses. I think a lot of people also take the test and pick what they want to be rather than what they actually are, which is a major flaw with personality tests. For example, if I’m stubborn, and I don’t think I’m stubborn, I’m going to put that I’m not stubborn on the test, hence making it flawed. You need to be self-aware and honest to get an accurate result.

A few of the reasons I thought I was an INFP: 

They are creative, quiet, dislike dealing with data (such as math), reserved, and avoid conflict. 

What I didn’t know was that those specific things don’t specifically type you as an INFP, and on top of that, I was lying to myself in a few of those attributes. I mention. For one, INFP’s are optimistic and seek to find the good in people, which is not me at all. I’ve always been a cynic, believing that most people, deep down, are out to take advantage of you in some way. INFP’s also take things quite personally and are sensitive, which I am not. If you’ve ever watched podcasts where people make fun of me or say, “That’s just Crendor!” I’m not bothered at all. Sure, if you were to really push my buttons I might get frustrated, or read one too many negative Youtube comments, but that’s just being human. One of the last ones was dealing with data. I realized that I actually love data and math when it relates to things I’m interested in, such as business and psychology. I hated algebra, but loved statistics and marketing.

After looking through every personality type and trying to relate to them, INTJ made the most sense. A few of of the biggest attributes that led me to believe that are:

High self-confidence, determined, goal oriented, a jack of all trades, arrogant, judgmental, overly analytical, loathe highly structured environments, and lacking an understanding for emotion. 

As I’ve grown over the years, my confidence is far higher than where it was when I started Youtube. Rarely do I lack confidence anymore. I’ve always had the goal of working at home, and being free of a highly structured environment like an actual job or being in school. I’ve been very determined to reach that goal of working in an open environment that allows me to be my own boss with creative freedom, and that’s been one of the most comforting things to me. As you can tell by my half written book, half finished game, and partially started DJ career, I also enjoy trying to be a jack of all trades. 

On top of all that, there’s the negatives. I’ve always been overly analytical, and that has caused a vast majority of my anxiety I’ve experienced my entire life. Arrogance has been a problem I’ve also experienced, especially as I grew as an online persona. Granted, I think most people that are ‘e-famous’ in some way have experienced arrogance. I also think I’m pretty good at being judgmental (Warcraft stereotypes anyone?). Lastly, I’m terrible with emotions. If someone is being emotional, whether sad, angry, upset, etc. I have no idea what to do. I try to process in my mind a logical response to that emotion the person’s feeling, but it just ends up being awkward. I’m very hard to make angry, sad, or upset, and can often just have a poker-face displayed constantly. People often ask me if I’m feeling alright, and I always am, even though it doesn’t appear that way. I rarely ever express emotion. In fact, if you watch me in streams or podcasts, those are likely the most emotion I’m expressing for that day. It mentally drains me.

One thing I found ironic was in my older analysis of myself I said, “ Deep down, I know I can be the sarcastic, witty asshole that people love to watch on TV, but I could never tell those things to someone’s face. Luckily, I can just do it through my videos and direct it towards a general audience.” Probably not something an INFP would say :P I looked past the fact that I was essentially saying, “I’m a witty sarcastic asshole, just not to someone’s face!” Which still makes me a witty, sarcastic asshole.