Worn Out Warrior

I am grateful to be alive, to love and be loved. I'm grateful for a roof over my head and to speak my mind. I won't stop fighting for the underdog, breaking down negative derogatory behaviour. I won't tolerate negative people in my life. I am who I am because I got here. Not on my own, but I'm here. I'm here for a reason. I had a bad day. I'm sore. I have a chronic illness. But I'm not here to break someone's spirit because I'm hurting. Stop holding onto the past, the pain, the darkness. You're letting it win. People love you. This year, I've learned how to love myself - aches and all. I won't stop loving you even if you can't love me right now. I understand you're hurting. I understand you are lost and confused. But I will never give up on you. Ever. To all those who are in pain, it will get better. You are more than a prescription to the people you love. All lives matter. Especially yours.

You know you're having a bad flare up when you take 20 minutes to get undressed and into the bath and then you discover your underwear has literally bruised your skin. I have a black and blue bikini line. Fabulous. Guess I'll be going commando tomorrow.

Me: shut up nobody's texting you you're a foot

It's been a busy few weeks juggling my full time job, hospital appointments, fainting spells and fringe rehearsals. My life has been so busy that I've powered through flares. I've been taken off gabapentin because this could have caused the fainting. If I'm honest, I think it's just my body's way of reminding me who is boss. Hydrotherapy has been great. Carol, the physio, takes my pain extremely seriously and I can tell she wants to help me improve my quality of life. I love the old ladies who join me for the session. They definitely put me to shame regarding my fitness levels! The doctor prescribed me pregabalin. It's supposedly a better drug with less side affects. Only time will tell if this will work as I have 2 weeks before I can increase my current dose. I'm trying to focus on the positive aspects of my life. I have a wonderful family, a lot of supportive friends, a comfortable workplace and I'm in the fringe! I swear to baby Jesus himself that rehearsals make me feel worthwhile again. I feel part of something so unique and creative. I can truly be myself when I am acting. Ironic, I know. So I'm lying here in bed, in agony. But I'm not going to cry or dive into the darkest part of my mind. I'm going to breathe through the pain thinking about how lucky I am. Tomorrow is a new day.

A girl can dream ahhahaa