More than a woman

I bet he had no idea it was going to hit him. No idea that he would once again come in contact with the woman that had changed his life forever, but it did, it finally happened once again.. This girl beside him felt new, they've known each other for a while and the way she was undeniably flawless was what drew him too her. It's like... I know deep down inside, her smile, her hair, her goals and aspirations, the innocence she brought with her. That's what drew him into her, that's what reminded him of her. And once again, there he was thinking he had finally found the woman of his past in this woman. You think there's any chance we might have both been doing this? Like for some odd reason we continued scattering around trying to look for each other in other people. I think about his reaction and I think about how things will be then, when he once discovers that me and Dave are as close as we are now. If anyone would've have told me that I would be in this position today, 3 years ago I would have laughed and shook my head no way. There's no way I would have possibly done something like that, that's wrong and I have too much love for him. For me to fall in love with someone he considers family? Na..that's not me. But you know what, it happened. I'm not in love, but I do care for this particular person. I think what drives me even more is the thrill of knowing what he would possibly feel when he finds out. Or when the news is broken down to him. He worked so hard to get out of that state of mind you know? He escaped it for so long, without saying a word to anybody he just moved on. Tapped into the first thing that made him escape. Maybe it feels like a dream to him, like it feels to me. Sometimes I ask myself if it all really happened. My biggest question is always "was I the only one who was in love?" Or was it all just a game. I want to know if it all was real. But then I try to tell myself that I should stop. Stop looking for answers and move on from all of that, I'm happy and things are going great for me. Since then I have been introducing myself into new things and I'm proud of myself for that. But..I want no more "buts" I guess I want answers. I guess I want to know what it all really was. Reassurance you know? But most of all, I'm afraid to find someone who can love me like he did. I guess for some time I was trying to avoid the very thought of someone loving me the way he did because I didn't want to believe that it was possible. I didn't want anyone else to replace him and I held him so high that I began to get scared every time someone got too close. The very thought of that happening terrifies me, but part of me is ready. Mostly because I want to stop the fantasies. I don't want to think about us possibly ending up together because I want to allow myself to feel love. Maybe that's what I really want to know. If the reason he hasn't been with someone is because of that. Because he doesn't want the feeling of someone else loving him the way I did. We were ratchet yo, and that's what drove us into each other. In a world where we were viewed to be or hold our self a certain way, all of that went out the window when we were together. But it needs to end, it needs to come to an end. I no longer want to feel held back. I want to love and be loved.