Words She Can't Say

Honestly, I was not looking for a relief or a savior. I was so used to living in a dark world. Anxiety was my daily visitor and depression became my best friend. Pain had been in my daily routine. I did not mind waking up with tears in my eyes. It was my normal life. But then you came. You changed everything so sudden that every day seem so new to me. You saved me even without being asked. It was like all along you knew I needed help, even I, myself, did not know it.

 Ever since that day, I can’t stop wondering how a simple smile, your smile, can heal everything that was hurting for years. In a second, every inch of pain faded. I’m still amazed, how your laughter melted my heart that has turned icy cold. It warmed my heart all of a sudden, I can feel its beating again. Love, how do you do it? Whenever I hear your voice, my whole world turns into a brighter one. And looking at it, it’s too far from what I used to live in. I was silently swimming in the pool of despair but you held out your hand and took me to the sky. Are you an angel, perhaps?

 Love, I don’t know how you do it but I am starting to live life again. And it’s all because of you. You are picking up the scattered puzzles of my whole being, one by one and day by day. You are collecting each piece and connecting them until I am whole again. The warm beat of my heart today feels so new but at the same time familiar. I’d like to believe this is not a coincidence. It’s fate. I am fated to find you and you to heal me. The world is so cruel so you became one for me. How can I be able to thank you for this?

My love, my angel, my serendipity…

I am a bit scared but I can only express my gratitude by loving you this way.

--DJ

When the curtains close and the lights have gone off, I want to see you without your beautiful smile.

I’d like to see you cry even just for a few minutes, pour out the sadness that your dreamy eyes hide.

Love, don’t be afraid to say ‘it is hard’

There’s no need to conceal the pain in your heart.

It’s okay, just let the river of tears flow.

For they are meant to heal wounds, don’t you know?

  I’ll cross oceans just to lend you my shoulders when you need someone to lean on.

Tell me all your worries even until the break of dawn.

Love, share with me your burden.

Don’t ever hesitate and just hold my hand.

Believe me when I say ‘you can’.

I’m sure you can fly higher from where you stand.

  Go on and cry as much as you want, my love.

I’ll search my way to you, even if the fates won’t allow.

Give me a chance to calm your restless mind.

Let me take you to the sea, so leave that dessert behind.

Just like the stars that swim beautifully in the dark night sky,

Trust me. Even in this twisted world, everything will be alright.

  Cry, my love, I’ll wrap my arms around you.

I’m not that strong but for you there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.

Rest your head on my shoulder and listen to the words I whisper.

“You’re perfect”, I’ll never get tired of saying this over and over.

Hold on tight and let me take you away from those lies.

Look up, your name is already written on the sky.

  By the time that pain has subsided and your tears have dried,

Don’t worry because I’ll still be by your side.

When the curtains would swing open once again, you can turn your back at me anytime.

Just like before, face the millions of lights with your beautiful smile.

Me and my heart will remain happy, watching you from a far.

Love, I know forever is not destined to be ours.

But if you ever feel the need to cry again, I’ll be your own seraph, I’ll come and save you wherever you are.

-DJ

There’s no need to ask why I love you

When you always make me see spring day in your eyes in the middle of a sad autumn

Changing my whole black and white world immediately with different kinds of color explosion

There’s no need to ask why I love you

When your voice never fails to heal everything that is in pain

Releasing me from the nightmares I have been enchained

There’s no need to ask why I love you

When your laughter is the only sound I want to hear after a long day

Making every single icy cold thorn in my throat down to my heart melt away

There’s no need to ask why I love you

When your words are the blanket that keeps me warm during my winter nights

Wrapping around my body, protecting me from anything that gives me fright

There’s no need to ask why I love you

When your smile straightens the curves of my reality all the time

Taking me away from this cruel world and building a place I could call mine

My dearest, there’s no need to question my love for you

You own my heart, every beat of it sings your name

You are the thoughts inside my brain

After all, you are the reason I decided to live my life once again

-DJ

I have always been afraid to fall in love

It’s one thing I was willing to let go of

For superficial world is my reality

Judgements and not being loved back scares me

But here I am falling in love with you

Plunging into something I am fully aware of its painful view

In the cracks of this terrifying place, I see the angelic curve of your eyes and lips

Right then and there, I prepare myself to feel the sting of love on my fingertips

I watch you every day with an unimaginable distance

Wondering if we would ever have a chance

Ridicules and absurd words echo in my head when I say I love you

But I don’t care ‘cause you are where my heart belongs to

Each night, I search for your star in the sky

Thinking if it could be changed and realigned

So I could connect yours to mine

But how many constellations would I have to pass to be by your side?

I know millions have the same prayer

To share with you the kiss of forever

But my love, you deserve only the best things that the universe holds

And I have nothing to give you but my heart and my little whole world

If loving you is a mix of joy and hopelessness

I’ll willingly hold on to this pain because your whole being is my only happiness

My dearest, you don’t have to turn your head and feel bad

‘Loving is never expecting something in return’, I truly understand

We may never be destined this time for each other

But I’ll be sending all my love and happiness when you finally found ‘her’

In our next lives can we give our story a shot?

Maybe then, my name next to yours would be written on its ending plot.

-DJ

Millions of lights shine through your eyes You are standing in the middle, watching this beautiful galaxy makes you high But in this ‘millions’ that is seen as one, there’s me I could not say I am the brightest but just a light trying to shine for you to see However as the seconds, minutes, and hours go by, I realize its improbability

Until this moment, the very first time you come near me My heart races so fast I could not even find strength in my knees The whole world stops like the ones I’ve seen in the movies I never thought you have the ability to make me lose my reality Your eyes are the deepest ocean I want to dive in Your dreamy gaze makes me go into places I’ve never been Your lips, they speak words that wake the butterflies up inside me Taking me somewhere up in the sky and I never want to leave And your voice, like the effect of an absinthe, ‘the green lady’, It gets inside my head, giving me beautiful hallucinations that I shouldn’t be

But as I get lost in this perfect moment, you smiled, the one that I have been dreaming to see this close I should be happy, I tell myself. But somehow, it made me realize something I should’ve known It was not a smile only meant for me It belongs to the whole galaxy The blistering pain cave-in, Pulling me away from that dreamy scene I open my eyes and see you still standing in the middle of these million lights And I am still here trying to shine bright

It hurts, having the truth being laid in front of me The word “all” next to your “I love you” will always be our story Loving you this badly is never easy But in every inch of pain, even the future of being with you looks so blurry, Every piece of me still screams for you Giving up is something I can never do You dont have to worry about me, just keep your head straight, reach for your dreams even more Whatever you aim is also what I am wishing for I will always be behind you in every step you take I’ll save that short perfect moment you gave as a keepsake As I hope for the day you’ll come near me again and I’ll be able to say how much I love you Hopefully when you’ll smile and look straight at me, you’ll know that I really do.

-DJ

I was there, feeling your warmth under that crimson sky

Your arms around my shoulders seem to be a lie

Hesitant, I stepped back and looked you in the eyes

“Don’t worry it’s me,” you told me, taking away every inch of doubt in my mind

  I was there, trying to savor the taste of your smile

Taking in every upward curve movement of your lips that would never be counted by time

I asked you, “How could you be so happy when it’s only me standing by your side?”

“Because it’s you,” you told me, holding my hand so tight.

  I was there, in that world of lies, drowning myself in your eyes that seem to speak only the truth

I wonder what I got myself into

I could barely even breathe but I am loving the view

In this sea of implausible things, I don’t want to be rescued

  I was there, listening to your deep husky voice

I get lost in your melodies, calming my heart that turned staccato

It resonates inside my head, comforting my whole body and soul

As I fall deeper in your enchantment, you whisper words that I could not seem to know

  And I was here, feeling the sun’s warm glare

It was then that I was aware

Afraid to open my eyes and find you nowhere

But I’d like to believe that it was not only me, I wish it was us, we were both there.

Looking at the mirror would never be the same.

Her dark expressions are once again in flames.

But her eyes, they run a river of invisible tears.

It hasn’t dried up in quite some years.

By the words that hit her within,

Bruises and slashes marked her skin.

Her fingers tremble from clenching so tight, 

From holding back anger that haunts her at night.

Her body, wrapped with the wings of fear.

She screams but no one seems to hear.

She barely stands with her legs wobbling, 

Shaking as she reaches for help but no one is willing.

I wonder who this person standing in front of the mirror is.

I am surprised that the reflection shows me this, 

A whole different person from who I used to be.

I ask myself, “what happened to me?”

Mi Melodina

It feels different, walking down the sea shore

The sunset has never been this gloomy before

Doleful feelings over me, started to pour

I turn to my side and you’re not there anymore

I run around searching for your traces

Your shadow, your scent, your footsteps, I visit your favorite places

How could all they be gone so fast, leaving me only with blank spaces?

All I can do now is imagine your warm embraces

Goodbyes are always sad and regretful 

But a sudden leave without farewell is purely unbearable 

I have never thought in my life that pain is this powerful 

It sews in and out of my skin like a needle, so skillful

That’s right, let the waves swallow my heart and soul 

Let them drown my heart that turned so cold

Let its crashing sound over power the echo of your voice saying that “thing” you once told

Break the promise I intend to eternally hold

Is it too much to ask for a day? Even a minute is all I’m asking

So once again, I can hold you, see you smiling

For you, I’d sing my heart out, you can ask me anything

Let me hear your “I love you”, the sweet three words you’re always saying

It must be too late for us but let me say my farewell, at least

I promise to take care of her, so you could be at ease

I’d be sending all my love for you as I tie your shoes on a tree

And this will always remind me how much you love me... 

You are the nightmare that I always like to dream about

The monster from the past that I could not live without

The pain that I’d never regret to feel once more

A dangerous warning that I chose to ignore

You are the broken promise that I’d still want to glue together

A forgotten song that I’d sing for me to remember

An old ruin that I’d visit in my thoughts over and over

A hope for an impossible forever

You are the blank pages of my diary 

The unfinished book I’ve written that has never been a story

The empty line of my poem that is impossible to be filled 

The words in my head that have never been revealed

You are the deepest wound on my skin that I’ll carry to last

The battle I have fought each day and night of the years that had passed

‘Cause you are the best downfall I’ve ever had

The only love I would never have