Dip Into The Woo Woo

As a born and raised westerner of California, USA I would say I’m not a stickler for the rules, but I follow majority of them all the time. Especially as a black person, I’m always hyper aware of consequences when it comes to deviations. Well, here in Saigon.... just throw the whole rule book out of what you think driving is and drive baby drive!

In the last month of driving on a motorbike here, this is what I have learned.

Initially, I had all of the apprehension towards driving because none of it made any damn sense to me. Everything felt like chaos with cars coming this and that way. I didn’t like that signaling isn’t a thing here, and that someone could be AAAALLLLL the way on the right side, trying to make a U turn?? Are you kidding me, right?

But once I realized that the money I spent on Grab drivers every week is about double what I would pay for just learning how to conquer these uncertain streets... I was logically and financially forced to reevaluate my stance on driving. So, I took a deep breath and just said, “ Fuck it, I’m gonna do it!”

A decision I have only regretted about 4 or 5 times.

1. It’s important to brake, but more importantly to know how to brake!

My first accident happened because it’s hot and our security guards like to wet the cement going to the garage. Well, It is also a down hill to this garage I might add. In my innocence of how motorbikes really work I only used 1 brake as I’m coming down this hill. My grave mistake. I tumble off of the motor bike and the bike scrapes down the garage, luckily not hitting the ominous parked SUV.

The Security guard witnessed it all. He ran to the bike first as I lay on the ground assessing if I had died or not. He then goes to give me a lecture that I must use both brakes when going down the hill (I would assume by his demonstration because he was speaking in vietnamese).

Scraped up my knee, but I was alive without any monetary nor serious physical damage.. Just a bit of hurt ego. Nonetheless, I have been braking with both brakes like a champ  and conquering downhills ever since.

2. If you’re gonna make bold moves commit to them, and everything else will align.

Remember when I said there aren’t really rules here? Well, people like to make some bold likes driving on the wrong side of the road, driving on the sidewalk with pedestrians, or even making a U/Left turn from the right lane. If you partake in these moves just have the confidence like you’ve been doing this forever and keep it pushing. DO NOT HESITATE,I repeat, DO NOT HESITATE! The reason for this is simple: if you’re going to do it people will make room for you to do it, but if you hesitate they take advantage of the opportunity to make their own moves.

3. Be aware, but really just mind your business

Driving here is like draining the ball pen at Chuck E Cheese. We are crowded and cramped and all just trying to get to where we gotta go. People are always coming from the right, left, in front and behind you. Know where all the traffic is coming, but at the same time just keep moving in your own direction. When worrying about the what the next person is doing there is a greater chance of getting in an accident or collision. I just keep moving and they do the same thing.

4. Assertive Patience, I’m coining this term

In HCMC all of the traffic lights have timers counting down when it’s your turn. While you are waiting for the light, when the timer get to about 5 seconds people have restarted their engines and already making their way into the intersection. People are creeping up behind and one the side to get closer to the front.

At the end of the day, people are patiently waiting to get to where they have to go. They blatantly cut you off all the time here, but it’s not really cutting you off if you have room here. When I say room legitimately like 1 foot between you and the next bike from all sides.

They are patiently waiting so make some usually bold moves. In time, I have started using this philosophy when I drive. I’m on this road, too. Make some room!

I’ve only been driving for little bit, but I’m already encouraging Cody to get on the bike. I was filled with anxiety about doing this, but in the end learning these few things has given me a confidence that I got this! If I can drive in Vietnam, I actually believe I can do anything!

Yesterday, Cody and I went to the Vietnam War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh City. Cody hasn’t really done much tourism here in HCMC so, we thought it would be a good idea to start here! First, this places is three stories and we thought it was only going to be 2 stories... So just imagine our excitement to dive into 3 stories of history. This places was pretty popular as we were hearing different languages from English (UK), Polish, Spanish, and some Italian here and there. People from all over the world curious about one of the biggest/ fairly recent events in Vietnam history.

The first floor is sorta like an art exhibit, in that there is all of this beautiful propaganda artwork to show the support of the Vietnamese people against US aggression and the efforts of the Anti-war Movement that was surging through the world. The first floor gives the perspective that these people were supported globally, but most importantly that they were obviously bullied and were victims of the arrogant U.S. Let’s just say... already a bit of my American guilt was seeping out. 

This second floor was dedicated to the lethal and violent ways of war by the US. It boldly showed the GI murdering people in the streets and the aftermath of many US sanctioned massacres. What was most chilling were the placards of the photo which usually went something, “ I snapped this photo of them, turned around, and heard rounds fired, screams, then silence, but I did not turn back.” Basically, by the time I finished this hall I was emotionally crippled into pain for these victims and guilt by my ancestors/country. 

You would hope that was the end of the second floor... Oh no. They had another side and it was called Agent Orange. This was a type of chemical warfare that the US sprayed and bombed over 80,000,000 people with. US militants were geared with gas mask and what not, while the effects of this gas physically and mentally impaired many Vietnamese people. The saddest part that kept popping up in mind was the aftermath of this one component. How people were directly affected by this that would effect their generations to come. This whole room was of disfigured physical bodies and the angst of parents/grandparents dealing with the aftermath of war. 

So... By now.... I just didn’t want to go to the 3rd floor. I was sitting outside the halls just sitting there thinking...How the fuck could we have allowed this shit to happen?? But most importantly how do we still allow this shit to happen? Not only that, why do Vietnamese people even allow Americans to set foot in their country. I know we can’t blame one generation for what another did, but I’m sorry the Vietnamese are still dealing with the effects of this war. I dunno, I was feeling really guilty for even being in the country knowing the pain WE past and present Americans have caused them. I was swimming in my American guilt. 

You won’t see any photos of the bodies/death that they displayed from me. I don’t believe in representing the dead that way and it is uncomfortable for me to take such photos. Although the sculpture above does the floor much justice of representation.

Cody convinces me to finish up the museum, it has to get better right? Well, in  a quite subtle and somber way it does. Now the third floor shows that after the war people come together and make do the best way they can. Yes, the Americans left, but what they left behind were resilient people who remember what transpired. 

The woowoo of this experience was of how much I could feel and empathize. How just seeing these photos again and again didn’t desensitize me, but made me feel it more. How I could only imagine their pain, but how it tattooed itself to me. It amazes how emotions and experience can be transferred and recognized. 

I don’t know how to end this, except with questions as I myself left this museum. Generational guilt is real. The travesties the US inflicted upon the Vietnamese in the name of democracy will ring in my head as the shame of the US. Places like these remind me that their has to be another way always, because succumbing to the woes of violence to achieve peace/power will never be the way. When will we learn this lesson? When will we value the humanity of our “enemy”? Why can’t we find peaceful solutions first and only? Lastly, why does it take a museum for me to understand that nothing has changed really?

I have been traveling, more so living abroad, for four months in South East Asia. Cody and I have recently made the decision to move to Vietnam for the next six months. You may ask, I thought you were going to be in Thailand for at least a year? Well, that plan didn’t quite work out how we hoped. Things were more complicated than we anticipated. Nonetheless, we are making Vietnam our home for now mainly because their visa situation is WAAAAY easier to navigate and attain.

In my reflections of our time here and also all the people I have met and added on FB. I can’t help but to wonder...”Am I doing this traveling thing right?” Scrolling through my FB (which is always dangerous for jealousy to rise) I see fellow travelers going to dope, bucket-list worthy places, and doing bomb ass things and I can’t help, but to feel some envy.

Majority of our time has been trying to save money and stressing from one crisis to another to keep our dream to be together abroad alive while still pursuing our individual goals. Man...that alone has been a handful. While I would love to throw money to do the same things as these fellow travelers I find myself being apprehensive. That to spend money on that adventure would some how endanger my amount of time to be here.

And this is why I say, we are living abroad in comparison to traveling the world. We have found our routine and comfort in these countries we are living in. We have our place for working out, for favorite places for eating, routes we always take to get anywhere familiar and etc. It seems we settle into places before we even explore them. Why is that? I believe from our lessons of Chiang Mai, Thailand and my own experience in Granada, Spain. We put it in our mind that we are going to be living here therefore we have all the time we want to do the tourist/bucket list worthy things later. All the while we never seem to actually make it to those places or activities we wanted to do. We never actually get around to doing the things that gives travel value, exploration and curiosity.

Today, I was scrolling on FB again.... I know, I’m a social media consumer monster. I had showed Cody this video about Singapore’s new airport terminal and after we awed over it.... I was like, “Why haven’t I done anything lately to put me at awe?” For the past two weeks Cody and I have found ourselves in our routine again.... in a foreign city. Where is my sense of adventure? Where is my desire to find other world travelers? Why am I not living the life I said I wanted to, especially when I am surrounded by opportunity?

Fear and insecurity. Somehow since taking this Great Leap of Faith.... I sorta lost or hid all of my faith in taking risks. How did this happens... I do not know? Well, now that I’m recognizing it maybe I will start taking active steps to bring it forth again! I will find that path to traveling with excitement rather than just living day to day in routine and survival mode.

So.... I am definitely behind in writing on this blog. I want to say apologies, but sometimes you gotta prioritize and take time for self- care... Am I right?

Anyways... a quick recap: we are officially one month and two  weeks into our stay here in Chiang Mai. We found a place and it is already time to start looking for another one more permanent.  I am still pretty much friendless and anti-social besides with my cutie. He and I are still transitioning and learning how to live with a lover (I will have to make a follow-up blog about that transition). I have finished my 4-week TEFL course and am now on the hunt for employment. 

I’m glad that I did take the TEFL course. I remember my first day feeling a little hangover because I was DREADING the first day, but most importantly that I didn’t belong there. I didn’t feel prepared at all, but now after the program I feel like I can teach any lesson anywhere. I don’t know, I’m just a bit hesitant to actually begin looking for work. I would say I have resigned myself to sending emails and  signing up for VIPKID as you see above. 

To be honest, I’m not really sure what I want to do. While I do have confidence in my ability to do the work, I’m on shaky ground if I will have the opportunity to do it. I have been listening to motivational speeches and the outright message of them all say to “go out there and get what you want”. Can I say... I am afraid of rejection and the vulnerability of asking? Yeah, yeah, yeah... growth and success starts where your comfort zone ends. 

I just feel like I have jumped into so many new transitions in these past couple of months that I want to wade in some comfort for a bit. Unfortunately, the way my bank account is set up that’s not the smart move. The smart move is to get over myself and put the feet to the pavement and go get these plethora of jobs. Cody (my cutie) reminds me that sometimes you gotta push a little more to get where you want to be. He adds self-care is important, but at times even self-care has to be put on hold to make things happen. I struggle with this notion, a lot. He’s right though.  

Let’s print our these CVs, what us Westerners call a good ol’ resume, slip on my flats, put on a  “I got this” worthy smile, and make these schools know I’m the womxn for their English Teacher  positions!

Sitting here.. I was journal-ing a bit earlier.. I watched some television (still have British accents in my head)... I took a whiz and I have some clarity. 

The Woo Woo is simply trust, faith, and belief in something beyond evidence and logic. 

I have said many times before that I am a person who doesn’t possess these things, but then that is not always true. I have a hard time believing in others to hold up to my expectations of trust, faith, and belief. 

This is why loving is hard for me, and why loving Cody is the hardest. He is the easiest person to love, yes we have our disagreements, but we know how to make up: communication, understanding, and the will to still want us. Although, I struggle to have faith in our future only because of statistics and my own belief that nothing is forever... I am working on it. 

We did it. Well, it was a trying and hilarious time, but it happened. He bought the tickets and our departure date is officially September 6th 12:50 pm from the SF Airport. 

This really makes it real for me. It was one thing when we were discussing and planning, but now we have put the money and intention out there now. Yeah, I’m moving to Thailand with Cody! I feel really excited, scared, impatient, anxious and just wow. T minus 2 months and we will be living and working together in a completely new country doing everything for the absolute first time!

1. Living with a partner  2. Working new jobs  3. In a new country 4. Learning a new language  5. Adulting?? 6. World Travelers

How did we get here? Oh yeah, Blissful ultimatums. While this is not where we expected to be one year ago, here we are and I am grateful for it. I am grateful to be on this adventure with this man. Although, we are planning we don’t really know how things are going to pan out. All I am going to do is continue to do what we have been doing... taking it one month at a time. 

Well, Here goes the first post!

I think it is only fitting to do an assessment of who I am right now to be a true experiment to reflect upon later. 

I guess, we can begin with why even start this blog? Two things: I’m moving to Thailand with my partner soon and I watched a documentary, “Innsaei”. I found myself wondering how am I going to get in touch with myself again? Is this the right move? Is it too late to change my mind? Am I scared? How can I trust myself and this decision? and blah blah blah...

Let’s be honest, graduating college has left me a little muddled in who I think I am and the decisions I have made. In my transition though, I have noticed a few things such as you can only be so prepared and the universe is at work to help you. 

This blog is going to be my personal journey of reconciling my doubt and belief in the “beyond the rational mind”. Exploring my own personal boundaries, beliefs, and views to gain a deeper understanding and connection to the world around me. I hope to explore my comfort zone in meditation, yoga, interconnectedness, consciousness, healing. 

Disclaimer: I actually have no clue what the aim or end result of this blog will be. It is a form of process while I begin and see through this next chapter of my life. I will be doing something new by incorporating videos and trying to be as vulnerable as possible, but for a theme. I got myself beat....A theoretical theme would be the process of being immersed in the spiritual and alternative healing while traveling the world with my partner. 

Eh, that sounds kinda nice.