#alilselfdoubt

So.... I am definitely behind in writing on this blog. I want to say apologies, but sometimes you gotta prioritize and take time for self- care... Am I right?

Anyways... a quick recap: we are officially one month and two  weeks into our stay here in Chiang Mai. We found a place and it is already time to start looking for another one more permanent.  I am still pretty much friendless and anti-social besides with my cutie. He and I are still transitioning and learning how to live with a lover (I will have to make a follow-up blog about that transition). I have finished my 4-week TEFL course and am now on the hunt for employment. 

I’m glad that I did take the TEFL course. I remember my first day feeling a little hangover because I was DREADING the first day, but most importantly that I didn’t belong there. I didn’t feel prepared at all, but now after the program I feel like I can teach any lesson anywhere. I don’t know, I’m just a bit hesitant to actually begin looking for work. I would say I have resigned myself to sending emails and  signing up for VIPKID as you see above. 

To be honest, I’m not really sure what I want to do. While I do have confidence in my ability to do the work, I’m on shaky ground if I will have the opportunity to do it. I have been listening to motivational speeches and the outright message of them all say to “go out there and get what you want”. Can I say... I am afraid of rejection and the vulnerability of asking? Yeah, yeah, yeah... growth and success starts where your comfort zone ends. 

I just feel like I have jumped into so many new transitions in these past couple of months that I want to wade in some comfort for a bit. Unfortunately, the way my bank account is set up that’s not the smart move. The smart move is to get over myself and put the feet to the pavement and go get these plethora of jobs. Cody (my cutie) reminds me that sometimes you gotta push a little more to get where you want to be. He adds self-care is important, but at times even self-care has to be put on hold to make things happen. I struggle with this notion, a lot. He’s right though.  

Let’s print our these CVs, what us Westerners call a good ol’ resume, slip on my flats, put on a  “I got this” worthy smile, and make these schools know I’m the womxn for their English Teacher  positions!