don't you think i tried?

THE MOON

You’re deeply creative and intuitive, and many people find you mysterious. You can be manipulative and have a dark side that you’re good at hiding, and maybe have a few skeletons in your closet. That said, there’s a distinct dreamlike quality about you — some might even say psychic.

Tagged by: @redwtch

wolfshielded‌    /   LAUREN STRUCKER.

her  heart  was  heavy  still;  she  hadn’t  been  able  to  save  sonya.    no  matter  how  quick  they  had  been  to  find  them,  it  hadn’t  mattered.    and  that  was  weighing  heavily  on  lorna’s  mind,  no  matter  how  many  times  she  tried  to  push  it  down.    you  couldn’t  save  everyone  and  she  knew  that  logically,  but  having  it  be  her  best  friend?    that  felt  like  a  personal  attack,  one  that  hit  home  far  harder  than  she  cared  to  admit.    she  was  supposed  to  be  the  strong,  immovable  leader  of  the  group,  standing  up  tall  even  when  john  and  marcos  backed  down.    but  she  couldn’t  do  it;  this  hurt  too  harshly  and  as  much  as  she  was  looking  forward  to  heading  out  on  the  mission,  a  bigger  part  of  her  wanted  to  stay  back.    she  wanted  time  to  breathe,  to  process  what  had  happened.    they’d  been  going  at  this  cause  for  far  too  long  now,  and  they  hadn’t  been  able  to  stop.    there  had  been  no  reprieve  from  the  battering.    and  now  she  couldn’t  even  take  the  time  to  mourn,  her  body  feeling  like  lead  as  she  moved  toward  the  exit,  knives  strapped  against  her  thigh.

the  voice  stops  her  however,  and  lorna  turns,  eyebrows  furrowed.    it’s  not  often  that  lauren  comes  to  speak  with  her;  that  is  mostly  saved  for  andy  who  seems  far  more  eager  to  learn  and  train  his  powers.    then  again,  lauren  has  a  better  grip  on  her  powers,  she  isn’t  just  learning  them.    clarice  moves  past  her  and  lorna  nods,  stepping  to  the  side  to  give  them  some  sort  of  illusion  of  privacy.    “  of  course.    what’s  going  on?    you  can’t  come  with,  if  that’s  what  you’re  going  to  ask.    you  and  andy  need  to  stay  back  here  in  case  something  happens.  ”

Lauren’s eyes fixed on Clarice’s back as she walked past, a sense of urgency in her step, and the words stuck in her throat. She knew that she had to say them, had disrupted their mission for this, but it was hard. Making mistakes was not something she’d ever learned to be good at, and acknowledging them still made her feel like she was a child. “I, um.. no, that’s not what.. I don’t think I want to go anywhere anytime soon,” she said quietly. The idea of going back out there, as important as it was, it terrified her. She could still feel the collar around her throat, choking the powers out of her. While she might still be struggling to accept them, Lauren hadn’t realized just how much they were a part of her until she couldn’t feel them anymore. It terrified her, knowing that they could just be suppressed like that. 

“I wanted to apologize. About Sonya.” Her eyes flickered up to actually meet Lorna’s gaze. Just for a couple seconds. “She.. she died because of us. Because we didn’t do what he told us. And even though she said we shouldn’t, I still feel like.. and I know you two were close. So I’m sorry.” It was probably the most she’d ever said to Lorna before, and the guilt choked her. She tried to imagine losing Andy, or her parents, and she couldn’t even fathom it. Lorna had already lost so much more, especially if she was here. 

“I’m literally a walking bubble, I don’t think it’s me you have to worry about.” The words were sharp, bitter almost, because bubbles could be popped. Bubbles were fragile and fleeting. They were weak. Ever since the face off against Andy, Lauren couldn’t help but feel a little shortchanged with her powers. What good were shields and barriers if she couldn’t protect anyone? If she couldn’t protect herself? 

She could feel Caitlin come up behind her, soft and unsure, and she knew she should be more understanding. Her mother was only trying to help, but her frustration was getting the best of her. Caitlin seemed so sure and passionate when she was talking about Andy, but it felt like she was only half as interested when it came to Lauren. It was unfair. Lauren knew it was, and it only made her more upset. So much for being the good daughter.