know thyself & heal

If you deny me my melancholy

you deny me a seat to the bounty of my own imagination

If my melancholy is cause for reproach, my reptilian mind, already powerfully trigger happy, is corrupted by a bullying, greedy cheer

If access to a solemn state is approached with derision;

to be shushed; forcefully swept under the carpet; secretly locked away

I say what’s left is neither gold nor sugar…by which

I’ll envision true death

and its promise of a calm sleep

Your home is God There...you go

my secret, lonely self

is howling

         aching

              burning

with a pain so old and ugly.

It would feel almost shameful

if

it didn’t serve.

This darkness holds the potential 

of the deep memory 

of manifest light.

1. Navigating the archipelago of unknown coordinates

2.Navigating archipelagos along mysterious shore lines

3. Compass spinning: unknown latitude; forgotten longitude

I

possibly, a most determined love story

II

perfect pretty things

I made up this simple lullaby to calm my toddler down. It seemed to work and I wanted to remember it...

What happened to that special bond we had?

What happened?

What happened?

We used to be friends. We used to be

part 1

If my body houses my spirit soul, then sometimes my mind likes to scrabble around the attic, poking through old & dusty memories

but don’t you think that dust, anyway, looks beautiful suspended in a lazy dance as sunshine streams through the window pores of your skin

sometimes my spirit like to stumble about the cellar (uprooting impulses from years of yesterday) where it’s so wet and earthy, you can’t really tell where house ends and soil begins

part 2

rummaging about my mind for something worth recording

oftentimes a good blast of fresh air is what’s needed for both the attic and cellar, receiving room and spinal stairway

if our bodies are indeed our vessels for the voyage of this lifetime, I often feel like a guest in mine, 

lost and tip-toeing sheepishly about or 

lost and blindly blundering down hallways and passages that I’ve gone down before but still managed to get all turned around and tripped up over

other times, i am the lady of the manor, at ease with every sensation, impulse

i am the crone sitting on the veranda of my consciousness

(spitting out watermelon seeds to the uninvited imposter thoughts that come…

a’thievin’)

cackling good-naturedly at them all the while…we’ve been such friends for so long

but still,

sometimes they slip in through my ear windows and other times, brazenly when I open the shutters of my eyes

what cheek! 

the sneaks…

did you know...

we know more about the moon than we do about our oceans, which cover 71% of the earth?

that this full moon today is the first one in 70 years to fall on the eve of the summer solstice?

It seems to me that we live more in our heads than we do in our bodies... 

The sense of zero gravity must be pretty exhilarating up there in space..after a lifetime of 70 % water within, pulling us down

                                                                         down

                                                                                  back down...

                  to our ancient lizard instincts

seems to me that this day, way back when sun and moon were husband and wife deities, before we got so clever measuring reality with science, might have been a big big deal.