it’s always “i love you” and never “a few weeks ago you told me lane had a crush on me. well i have a crush on her too and i know you have very strict rules about dating and boys and i just want you to know that i’m a good person. i don’t smoke, i don’t drink, i’ve never gotten a ticket, i’m healthy, i take care of myself, i floss, i never watch more than thirty minutes of television partly because i think it’s a waste of time and partly because there’s nothing on, i respect my parents, i do well in school, i never play video games in case they do someday prove playing them can turn you into a serial killer, i don’t drink coffee, i don’t drink soda because the carbonation freaks me out, i’m happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it, i don’t mind wearing a tie, i enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and i really really wanna take your daughter to her prom. mrs kim? please don’t make me repeat that list again.”
