amidst all this darkness

ominousdeer:

“Bethany probably smells like vanilla and could never hurt a fly”

so did these people actually play the game with her in the party or is she forever a cute dead little sister they only ever saw on other people’s edits

Bethany smells of sweat and leather and blood. On bad days, when a patrol has turned into a battle and before she can get to a bucket of water and some soap, she smells strongly of Taint.

Her brothers and sisters don’t seem to notice it: it is no part of a Warden’s duty to smell nice. For a while she notices, and resents it horribly. She had dreams of Hightown and fine gowns and a life in the sun and this definitely is not it. She tries rose water to mask it, once, but quickly regrets it. One day, in telling the story to Varric, she will describe the smell as ‘Imagine a Darkspawn got lost in a high class brothel …’ and he will steal the line. Eventually she becomes inured to it: this is her life, whether she chose it or not.

She makes darkspawn heads explode like overripe fruit; she flings their bodies into walls and into chasms, shattering ogre bones like toothpicks; she sets her enemies aflame and freezes the blood in their veins. She’s not a natural healer, but she does what she can for her injured comrades, or for the civilians who fall foul of a mob of 'Spawn. She’s always good with lost children, and she has no patience for the con men and charlatans that always trail in after a Darkspawn attack, with their ‘cures’ for Blight and their anti-Darkspawn charms. A few years in and they pack off running at the sight of her – she won’t use her magic on them, but she can ruin their business in two sharp words, and folk remember what a Warden says.

Every night she prays to the Maker, for forgiveness for her sins: for the sin of being a mage, for the sin of avoiding the Circle, for whatever she did to make Him curse her so many times and in so many ways. He never answers, but that’s to be expected. Her Warden brethren rely on her, people respect her, and the Chantry can no longer touch her. Stroud tells her, laughing and cursing, that he still owes Anders, damn him, after all – because she is far more than worth the effort. She’s proud and she has a purpose, and as time goes on she prays for other things instead. Pleas to the Maker to take her magic away would no longer be entirely honest, after all.

When she stands in the Gallows, side by side with her big sister, she is ready: power flows from her hands as her sister nocks an arrow. The doors splinter and break, and the butchers come charging in.

Templars fall like swatted flies. They fall to Bethany’s magic, Anders’s magic, Merrill’s magic, the magic of those Circle mages who dared to stand and fight. They fall filled with her sister’s arrows and Varric’s bolts. They fall to the swords and daggers of their friends. There are always more. It’s the story of her life, that whenever she thought she might be happy there were always more Templars, to remind her that she had to be afraid and that the Maker would never turn His gaze on her.

But Bethany is done with hating herself: she is a Grey Warden, and she is a Hawke, and she is a mage. It’s not the first time she has put her body and her magic between defenceless innocents and monsters. But the Darkspawns’ lives are ruled by the Song; they can’t help but be what they are. What excuse do the Templars have, for coming here to murder children?

She takes down one last Templar as the defenders retreat back to the dining hall. Then she sags, exhausted, against a wall as Aveline and Fenris bar the door to buy them a minute’s respite.

Sweat and leather and blood and fear are all in the air. But so are magic and family and freedom. They will save these people, just as she’s saved countless traders and travellers from Darkspawn. Bethany pulls the cork from her bottle of Conscription Ale, and takes a swig. It smells fine to her, but she laughs at the way her sister’s eyes bulge when she offers her a drink.

“Princess Piss,” she says proudly, as Big Sister Hawke chokes down a mouthful, and passes the bottle to Anders – who clearly knows enough to pinch his nose before he drinks. “It’s my own recipe, Sister.”

… Or, you know, something like that. :)

Yeeeess. Like…people always talk about how Bethany becoming a Circle Mage is the best choice for her, when in truth, it is really more a safe one. Bethany can stop being an apostate and hiding then, but never really faces her issues of self-loathing and insecurities with herself and magic, due to what she is. 

dragon age is one of those franchises that sprawls over about 600 mediums so here’s a handy list of literally all of them, with links where i could provide downloads. if anyone has other links, or if i’ve missed something somewhere, feel free to add it on!

the games

origins – the first one, the best plot, the worst graphics, decent mechanics for an old game, broadest character development, as good as people say [xbox 360, ps3, & pc]

dragon age 2 – somewhere in the middle, smoother mechanics, deep rather than broad in terms of plot, world, & characters, better than people say [xbox 360, ps3, & pc]

inquisition – the latest one, the nicest graphics, broad rather than deep, actively pretty shallow in areas, nice cc though, not as good as people say [xbox 360, xbox one, ps3, ps4, & pc, though not all dlc are available on last-gen software]

the dlc

origins:

various add-ons, notably the stone prisoner which adds the companion shale

a tale of orzammar – prequel to dwarf origin [.dazip]

the darkspawn chronicles – play alternate plot as a darkspawn

leliana’s song – backstory for leliana

the golems of amgarrak – added quest in orzammar for the warden

witch hunt – sequel to origins involving morrigan

awakening – the main dlc, adds a significant sequel to origins, introduces anders

dragon age 2:

various add-ons, notably the exiled prince (adds the companion sebastian) and the black emporium (adds magic item store, your own mabari, & the ability to customise your appearance after the beginning of the game)

legacy – added quest in a new area, introduces corypheus

mark of the assassin – added quest in a new area, also felicia day is there

inquisition:

various add-ons, notably the black emporium again, although no doggo this time :(

jaws of hakkon – whole new area, multiple quests, explore the story of the first inquisitor & meet avaar, also there’s a bear

the descent – whole new area, deep roads but they’re pretty now, lots of dwarf lore, hopefully introduces stuff picked up in later games?

trespasser – the real ending to the game, why this wasn’t in the base game i’ll never know, it’s really good though like man, def introduces & develops stuff that’s gonna be important

the novels

the stolen throne – prequel to origins, the orlesian occupation of ferelden, introduces king maric & develops loghain [epub]

the calling – sequel to stolen throne, king maric, duncan, & the grey wardens, introduces fiona [epub]

asunder – prequel to inquisition, the development of the mage-templar war, introduces cole [pdf]

the masked empire – concurrent with inquisition, the orlesian civil war between celene and gaspard, develops briala [epub]

last flight – concurrent with inquisition, develops grey wardens in the anderfels, hopefully introduces stuff that’s gonna come up later [epub]

the comics

dragon age (idw comic) – prequel to origins, the daughter of a mage & a templar has a bunch of adventures, focus on circles & magic

dragon age (penny arcade comic) – prequel to origins, a bunch of templars try to find the witch of the wilds [webcomic]

awakening – prequel to the ‘awakening’ dlc, nathaniel howe breaks into his family’s home [webcomic]

the silent grove – sequel to dragon age 2, alistair, isabela, & varric go on an adventure in antiva, there’s stuff involving flemeth & maric [online]

those who speak – sequel to the silent grove, alistair, isabela, & varric in tevinter this time, isabela’s backstory is developed [online]

until we sleep – sequel to those who speak, alistair, isabela, & varric still in tevinter, varric’s backstory is developed, maevaris tilani introduced [online]

knight errant – concurrent with inquisition, an elven squire in kirkwall caught up in inquisition business [online]

magekiller – concurrent with inquisition, two badasses hunting down venatori for the inqusiition, also the archon is there, also lesbians [online]

the short stories

prequels to dragon age 2, companion backstories [anders, aveline, fenris, isabela, merrill, sebastian, varric]

the anime movie

dawn of the seeker – standalone movie about cassandra pentaghast fighting some dragons, fills in her backstory, fun in places but mostly only for the truly desperate [dub, sub]

the tabletop rpg

d&d style tabletop rpg in the dragon age universe, written pre-dragon age 2

being played on ‘tabletop’ with chris hardwick, kevin sussman, & sam witwer [part one, part two]

core rulebook [pdf]

the books

the world of thedas 1 & 2 – books full of lore, character backstory, art of characters, animals, & areas, purportedly written by brother genitivi

the art of dragon age inquisition – art book

A bit of the “Gal is a lyrium-addicted mercenary companion” AU.

“How old were you?” Yvaine asks. She pulls a little flame from the fire and toys with it, turning it slowly into ice. Her fingers are unharmed, of course; it’s an old trick. “Twelve,” is Gal’s quiet reply.

With a small, surprised laugh, she says, “Me too.” And then she extinguishes the flame with a thought, leans her head back, and says, “When was the last time you read a really good, bad novel? Like… oh, I don’t know, a Tethras.” She half-smiles at that, almost glad Varric isn’t around to boast.

“I - don’t - “ There’s a pause, and then Gal clears his throat, pinkness starting to crawl up his neck. “Couple of weeks ago. I don’t usually read the…” He trails off, and falls silent.

“I was just thinking that you couldn’t get them for love nor money in the Circle. They used to be subtle about it, but they’d try to control what we read. I always thought they must do the same for the templars.”

A moment passes, and then Gal nods. “And there were… rations.” He swallows, and sighs, “Fuck, never thought I’d be jealous of Circle sponge pudding.”

“Did you get pears?”

“Not unless we’d done something special.”

Her eyebrows raise. “For us, that would be an exceptional barrier. What was it for you, shieldwork?”

“Footwork. Or… not protesting to taking the dose.”

She falls silent. “When did you last see your family?” she asks, eventually.

“I…” He clears his throat. “I was twelve,” he says, again.

Yvaine says, at length, “They must be wonderful people.”

He snorts, staring into the fire. Yvaine shifts, and then her hand wraps slowly around his. Squeezes, slightly.

When she lets go, she says, “Maker, you’re freezing.”

“Lyrium,” he says, quietly. He looks down at her hands, and then pauses. “Your hands are like my mother’s.” He tilts his head. “Shape of the fingers.”

She sighs. “I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment.” Now it’s her turn to look at him consideringly. “You smile like one of ours. The rare times you can muster one.”

It’s the dimples. Dorian finally placed it perhaps two days after they’d started travelling. But he stays silent, and stays where he is. This… isn’t for him. And until it’s over, there’s no easy way to get back to his tent without revealing his accidentally-strategic position near the shrubbery.

She says, too casually, “Usually, it’s around Dorian.”

Dorian pauses, and looks carefully at the trees, trying not to read anything into that.

Gal’s silent. Waiting to see if the question’s a concealed blade.

“Don’t worry, he has that effect on everyone. He’d probably say something about raising one’s spirits, in both senses.”

Gal snorts.

Yvaine says, “I’m getting you some proper gloves, when we get to a merchant.”

“Inquisitor - “

“Yvaine. Please.”

“I – Yvaine. Thank you. But I’ll find my own supplie - “

“Let me do this, please.” Her voice is frighteningly serious. “Consider it part of your expenses. I need you not to be distracted by freezing your toes off when you’re trying to fight for me. And here, give me your hands.”

There’s a pause, and then slowly, silently, seeming bemused, Gal does. Yes, she’s good at getting you to go along with the most harebrained - 

A whisper of magic, and Dorian feels the Veil stretch and change. Something warm and honey-ish is in the air, briefly, and then it’s gone. He shakes his head, tries not to be amused that even Yvaine’s magic feels obnoxiously friendly.

“Warming spells are faster than balms,” she says, quietly. “That’ll give you half an hour.”

“Thank you,” Gal says, softly, “Lady Tre - “

Maximum Gal achieved. Activate the warp drive.

I genuinely tried to write an AU where “the Chantry won” and couldn’t do it, because I’m a sap.

This is a ‘verse where Yvaine is Inquisitor. Meanwhile, Gal only escaped the Chantry at twenty-seven (instead of nineteen, with ten years to do his own thing) and became a itinerant swordsman merc to make sure he wouldn’t get dragged into all that red templar nonsense. He’s pretty new to this whole freedom thing - it’s been a year and a half or so - when the Inquisition army recruits him through a friend finally tracking him down. He pretty much looks like a bear at the time. Not as in “sexy hairy man.” Like… a literal, “has been living in the bushes for a year” bear. And then he finally shaves and has a haircut and people realise he’s human and also that he might be related to that Trevelyan woman, maybe. And he ends up being a companion while attempting to kick the lyrium and not develop a thing for the hot Tevinter who keeps being actually kind of nice to him. And he decides to grow out his hair.

readers can be shy, too. They worry about commenting the same way that writers worry about posting fic. Replying lets them know they “did it right”

readers feel as overjoyed when they get replies as writers feel when they get comments

you can have a lot of fun and maybe even make a new friend

you can’t give kudos to comments, and there are some comments that really deserve it

Solona, substituting a generic arm crossing animation for, you, know, an actual facial expression, but looking so cute doing it anyway:

It happens because Bethany twists her fingers in her hair.

It is habit now. Like smiling at Templars.

A trick she learned so long ago she can’t even remember not twisting her fingers in her hair. The only one of Malcolm Hawke’s children touched by Malcolm Hawke’s greatest secret. Garrett had his daggers. And Carver had his sword. And she had her fingers all up in her hair.

(Carver always used to say that was why she was the only Hawke with curls, and he said it with the smug superiority of one whose hair stayed perfectly straight and orderly even in the wet sticky heat of summer. So she’d lick her palm and muss his hair until it stuck out in whorls and cowlicks.)

(Oh how she misses her twin.)

She had to do something to keep her hands busy –– busy with something that wasn’t magic. Busy pretending to be normal.

It was supposed to keep her safe.

Garrett and Carver learned to charge ahead, blades bared –– all muscles and sweat and unrestrained steel. And unrestrained curses. And unrestrained rage.

But Bethany –– she has her fingers in her hair when the hurlock hits. Stupid, stupid. Never learned to reach for her magic before her hair.

She’s three heartbeats too slow. Feels a tearing pain in her side even as her spell blooms from beneath her, all rock and thunder and the hurlocks dead before it hits the ground. But she’s dead too, she just doesn’t realize it. Not until black begins to fill her veins and swallow her senses.

Stupid. Is this what Carver died protecting?

Taint. It is such a grim word.

It’s harder than she thought. Dying. More painful. She clutches her side and tries not to cough up anything alarming. Garrett already looks so –– Maker, no one should ever have to look like that. There’s blood on his lips, and terror in his eyes, and the broken, red bits of his soul stick out at ungainly angles. She thinks she can’t see him looking like that and die peacefully.

But she has no idea how not to die.

Varric keeps muttering platitudes under his breath.

And Anders knew the truth of it the minute he put his hands on her.

And it hurts so much just trying to breathe.

And ––

And…

Oh.

Carver.

Having Katniss– the symbol of The Common Person at the bottom of the societal hierarchy who most heavily bears the brunt of oppression– be stiff and awful at scripted propos but a fucking goddess at unscripted, passionately angry speeches and stoking reflection and resistance and rebellion was very deliberate. It is a call to be genuine, to question media narratives and seek facts, to take a long, hard, honest look beyond the sparkling lights and glamor projected by the media to really see and take the downtrodden seriously before their collective patience wears thin enough to snap and they bring out the bombs. Or guillotines, if you want to look at IRL history.

One of my favorite scenes in the series is in Catching Fire: the interviews with the Victors being forced to take part in the Quarter Quell. Especially with the visuals of the movie. The entire thing builds up to when Peeta “drops the baby bomb” and the audience breaks into dismayed/horrified pandemonium and there are calls by the privileged to stop the injustice; it is an escalating series of oppressed, re-victimized individuals turning their glamorized re-victimization into a platform to scream their humanity at the citizens of the Capitol until it seems to finally start seeping in. Stanley Tucci play’s Caesar Flickerman’s growing discomfort perfectly; IIRC, his calling for the lights and cameras to be cut when the Victors show unity is to use the gesture of slitting a throat. It’s a common gesture, but in this case it has a greater weight: “Cut this, kill it, don’t let people see it, these people we’ve set up to hate each other joining hands in united defiance is dangerous.”

That also veers off into an extended lesson in “the powers that be seek to divide you and turn you against each other to keep you weak.” In modern terms, you can see it in such things as “wow why should burger-flippers get raises to earn more than the legit heroes who fight crime and save lives and defend our country?” to turn those groups against each other on the basis of accepted social hierarchy instead of talking together and coming to a consensus of, “You know, we’re ALL getting screwed and should ALL make more money; let’s work together to achieve that.”

It is highly relevant to this period of civilization. It resonates with the masses. That resonance is amorphous; allowing it to gel into something more solid could erode media/propagandist influence. Thus, whether conscious or just the nature of the beast,

“LOOK AT THE LOVE TRIANGLE! ROMANCE! FOCUS ON THE ROMANCE! ISN’T IT ROMANTIC?! THINKING ABOUT THE DEEPER STUFF IS UNCOMFORTABLE, SO LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND HANDSOME MEN AND CHOOSE A SIDE AND FIGHT FOR IT! R-O-M-A-N-C-E-!”

In other words, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”

In other words, “Let’s play up the circus part of panem et circenses.”

I don’t for one minute contest that the love triangle may have been added at the insistence of the editor, but let’s be real. That means Gale was added at the insistence of the editor, not the dynamics between Katniss and Peeta. I don’t say that because I think The Hunger Games is just some romance series, and all it’s about is Katniss and Peeta getting together, but rather because it’s also not just a story about war and propaganda and manipulation. That would be some grimdark garbage that most certainly would not have stuck with me in the intervening years. It’s a story about love, from the very beginning when Katniss volunteers to save the sister she loves. It’s about people who think love is a weakness that can be used against you, and people who choose to believe it’s a strength, that it makes you braver and better--that’s Peeta, just to be clear.

That is, I think, the actual reason that President Snow is the one pushing for the romance. Because he thinks love is nothing but a show. He thinks love is a circus performance. He thinks it’s something he can use. Peeta is the one who believes--and not just naively, he willfully chooses to believe that love is a strength rather than a weakness. He essentially tells Katniss that choosing to like her is his way of trying to preserve his humanity in a world where fear is used to strip you of it. Peeta’s entire romance arc isn’t, in my opinion, primarily even about the romance at all. It’s about compassion and selflessness in a society that thinks nothing is more valuable than one’s self. It’s about kindness and generosity and the courage to choose those things even above one’s own life.

And in the end, it’s about how, when everything else is gone, love is the reason we pick our broken selves up and keep trying, keep going, keep living. It’s about how love is the thing we use to glue together whatever pieces of ourselves are left after tragedy shatters us. It doesn’t make us not broken. It doesn’t give back the things we’ve lost. It doesn’t remove the scars that war leaves on us. It can’t change yesterday. But it can give you a tomorrow if you have the courage to take it.

To be fair, I actually think Suzanne Collins used the addition of a love triangle to good effect though, and I say that as a person who hates love triangles. But she used it to juxtapose vengeance (Gale) with compassion (Peeta), and to make the point that when we choose vengeance, there’s no end to the war.