The Witch's Manor

Attending online classes is one thing, while teaching them is an entirely different matter. The latter is, to be fair, far more exhausting. After my working hours ended, I grabbed my Kindle, nestled onto the sofa with a cup of coffee and a blanket, and eagerly began Deborah Levy's final book in her autobiographical trilogy, 'Real Estate'. As I leisurely scanned the e-ink pages, envisioning the dream house she imagined for herself – compelte with a maid running her a bath while she listened to Lana Del Ray – I reached for my phone to play some Lana Del Ray too. It was only thirty minutes later, when I woke up to my phone buzzing, that I realized I had dozed off on the sofa in the most uncomfortable position. I then rose and went to the kitchen to prepare a protein smoothie, followed by boiling water for tea. I absentmindedly cooked some brown rice, a staple in my evening routine as part of my post-workout meal for the next day. As the scent of the cooking rice wafted through the house, I returned to the couch and dove back into Deborah Levy's world. Ah, these moments of serene tranquility where I have nothing to worry about except savoring the words on the page.

Charting New Territories

"The Cost of Living" by Deborah Levy, as part of her living autobiography series, strikes a chord with me on a personal level. Its intimate portrayal of womanhood and resilience during times of upheaval is both inspiring and relatable. Levy's journey through the aftermath of divorce mirrors the turbulent waters many navigate during significant life transitions. Her ability to articulate these experiences with poetic grace is not just a testament to her literary prowess but also offers a comforting companion to those in similar situations.

Levy's exploration of femininity and motherhood is particularly impactful. As a reader, I appreciated her candidness in addressing the complexities of these roles. In a world where these topics are often glossed over or riddled with clichés, Levy's honest and nuanced approach provides a refreshing perspective. It feels like a validation of the myriad experiences and emotions that come with womanhood and motherhood.

Furthermore, her insights into the creative process are enlightening, especially for anyone engaged in artistic endeavors. Levy's reflection on finding one's voice amidst chaos is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of creativity.

While some readers might find her style a bit abstract or meandering, I found this to be a part of its charm. The book's introspective nature and poetic prose invite the reader to pause and reflect, making it more than just a memoir – it's a meditative journey.

When I finished reading Deborah Levy's memoir 'Things I Don't Want to Know' on my recently acquired Kindle, a profound restlessness overcame me. This wasn't a book to be simply read and shelved; it demanded reflection and action. The power of Levy's words left me yearning to pen my thoughts. The book, with its striking blue cover, had often appeared on various reading and blogging platforms. Interestingly, it became the first eBook I read on my Kindle Paperwhite—a thoughtful early birthday gift from my father.

Levy's memoir instantly ensnares the reader. Her prose, elegant and evocative, is like an oasis for the parched soul. The topics she explores are simultaneously unsettling and soothing, perplexing and enlightening, somber yet uplifting.

The memoir is an amalgamation of womanhood and writing. Levy masterfully interweaves personal history, political theory, and keen observations on the challenges faced by women writers in the 21st century. Framed as a response to George Orwell's 1946 essay "Why I Write," Levy's narrative, though echoing similar themes, adopts a more intimate and less overtly political tone. She navigates through the intricacies of being a female author in today's world, addressing identity, motherhood, and the struggle for recognition in a predominantly male literary sphere.

Levy's definition of contemporary womanhood resonated deeply: "As miserable as the twenty-first-century Neo-Patriarchy made us feel. It required us to be passive but ambitious, maternal but erotically energetic, self-sacrificing but fulfilled – we were to be Strong Modern Women whilst being subjected to all kinds of humiliations, both economic and domestic. If we felt guilty about everything most of the time, we were not sure what it was we had actually done wrong." This encapsulates the paradoxical demands and emotional toll faced by women in contemporary society.

The year 2023 was a wild ride for me, packed with all kinds of emotions, weaving together joy and fear, calmness and anxiety. It's been a complex mix of paradoxical experiences that have led me to ponder what life's really about, you know?

Last year, halfway through, it hit me. I had spent the prime years of my adulthood burdened by self-imposed pressures, fretting over trivialities, and getting all worked up trying to hit some big goal. But then, I met this person who was my antithesis—or perhaps my perfect complement—in these respects. I started to chill out from my always-stressed, about-to-freak-out self to someone who’s cool with life’s mess. I learned to enjoy the ride, not just obsess over the destination. So what if I mess up? Or things don’t go as planned? Life goes on. I’m not saying it’s all smooth sailing now, but as I’m waving goodbye to my twenties and hitting my thirties, I’m working on seeing things differently – ditching all those what-ifs and might-have-beens.

I stopped making gratitude lists back in my mid-twenties. Life kept throwing curveballs, barely letting me catch a breath. On the surface, I appeared content, surrounded by material comforts, loved ones, and caring friends. That should've made a pretty sweet gratitude list, right? But I just stopped doing it.

Now, I choose not to compile a list of external gratitudes—a list of all the cool stuff and people in my life. Instead, I turn the gratitude inward, I'm giving a shoutout to myself! I commend myself for keeping my head above water, for staying sane in this chaotic world, for healing my own scars, and for treating myself right with good food, great company, regular exercise, and indulging in things that bring me joy without regret.

To wrap up, I wanna thank me (shoutout to Snoop Dogg for the inspo), and here’s a happy new year for all of us. May the odds be in our favor!

"P.S. A special shout-out to Deborah Levy for her semi-memoir 'Things I Don't Want to Know,' which got me reflecting upon my own struggles with life and contributed greatly to the creation of this post.