musings

i am bored of the city.

i want to live on grass not concrete. i want to have yard where I can sunbathe naked without the surveillance of neighbors. i want to sip my coffee with my bare feet in the dirt and the sun on my face. 

i want to watch the clouds everyday 

every month i get a period

i get 3 days of depression

3 pimples

1 day of absolute unhinged irritability

then on my first day of bleeding, I get cramps, a stuffy nose, and an itchy throat

during my 3 days of depression, I feel like i am the ugliest person alive.

why does my skin look like that

why are my lips so fucking dry

one eye is so much smaller than the other eye

i sleep so much and pretend i’m not alive

but i still have to work

i go on a virtual call but i have my camera off

i have to explain that I don’t feel well

it’s my male boss

he makes a joke bout COVID

(I am so fucking SICK of talking about covid)

i say “haha, no it’s uterus problems”

and he goes “Ok! moving on”

my best friend moved away today

she came into my life when i needed a female confidant

she got me through the biggest transition period of my life

she was my joy and excitement after an unhealthy relationship ended

i love her and i will miss her presence very much

it’s interesting how we are all moving on