WisteriaRolex

Thank you! I'm also counting my lucky stars every day that I get to do what I love. What I'm passionate about. I know that's not everyone's situation, but I am grateful for the opportunity to live that dream.

And I guess I can say to you that what I am looking for is something more serious. I know that can be scary to some, but I feel like now that I've settled things mostly with work, I've reached a height for my career that I've dreamed of, I really want to now start settling things in my home life. That is to get married and have kids soon. Within the next few years hopefully.

I understand if that is too much for you to process or want to explore further, but it is where I stand.

Yes I agree. Communicating certain wants or certain things you know you're ready for or not is so much harder face to face sometimes than sharing it like we are now through emails. I'm grateful that we can open up to each other like this about these personal things that we have.

I do sometimes feel far behind others my own age, but then I prioritized different things than they did and that's okay too. I think wherever you are now, you are great where you're at. <3 Don't let yourself start to compare to others. It's a dangerous road.

Your passionate communicator, sassyradish

It's good to know what you want. I think that may be where we differ the most. There's a part of me that almost wishes I could say I'd want to explore that further, but it wouldn't be true, and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.

I have a lot of things I need to figure out with myself before I'll be ready to settle and start a family. There is a part of me that feels like maybe someday that could be a goal for me, but... to be completely honest I haven't even considered that part of my life. Which I suppose makes our goals incompatible.

It's hard to admit that because I've really enjoyed our chats and getting to know you more and more. But to pretend when you're being so open and honest about your goals and wants would be a disservice to both of us.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know if I'm hoping more for this whole letter thing to end with a match made or just friends I can talk to or connections to be made. I think that whole uncertainty of what I'm after has been half of my problem when it comes to relationships. The other half of the problem comes from my lack of experience with all of this.

Or maybe it's just who I am as a person, that's also a possibility. That feels like the most likely reason.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if this is disappointing, and I understand if you would like to part ways, but I have genuinely enjoyed our time talking to each other. But I don't want to hold you back from finding someone who has similar goals and dreams as you do. You deserve someone who wants to and is ready to build a life with you, and that someone--as much as I hate to say it--isn't me.

It was never going to be me.

And yes, it's much easier to communicate over email. Clearly. This is all something I would be too much of a coward to ever admit to in person, and you deserve better than that. But i'm glad I had a chance to say any of this to you.

I truly wish you all the best, and I hope you find your perfect match.

Maybe one day we could be friends?

All my love the best,

Wisteriarolex

It is true you cannot force forgiveness. Maybe people you've hurt will never be okay with the way you hurt them. That doesn't mean you cannot still learn and become better. It is hard to know you've hurt people. I know that I certainly have. And they were forgiving enough to accept me again and forgive me, but I know that the hurt still lingers. As long as you learn and grow...that is worth something.

You are worth learning and growing.

I am glad to think I have helped in some way. And I wish what you said was true about my confidence, but I don't think it is. I have never been a very confident person for a million different reasons. I tend to stay inside my shell where it is safe.

I have been trying to get out of it more, but after I got hurt, it made me just want to curl back up inside.

I am glad I decided to do this. It was scary, but the anonymity made me feel better. If I flamed out, at least I didn't have to embarrass myself. I wasn't sure if I was going to go to the ball...but now? I think I am going to go.

I really hope you're going to be there. 💛

💛honeyamok

I cannot imagine you hurting someone, if I'm completely honest. But thank you. I get what you're saying and I hope I do continue to learn so I can do better in the future.

Thank you for saying that, Honey. It means more to me than you could imagine.

I think, even if you don't realize it, deep inside of you there is a strong, confident person. Because look at you now! Putting yourself out here for all of this after getting hurt like that takes so much confidence.

I also wasn't sure about the ball. I haven't been having the best of luck with these sorts of town events lately, but if you can be confident enough to go and to do all of this, so can I.

As much as I hope to see you there, I worry I'll disappoint in person should our paths cross. But I will do my best to be there, even if for just a moment to meet with you, even if I'm a little scared nervous.

Writing letters with you has really made this whole exchange thing worth it, and I am so glad to have gotten this chance to talk to you.

💜wisteriarolex

Can I ask what kind of unconventional? Or that is to say, what kind of unconventional are you interested in?

Exactly. There's something so comforting and nice I think about cooking with someone. My mom and I would do it often and it was perhaps my favorite way to spend time with her.

Hey magic tricks are interesting. And it's definitely a unique skill to have. Not something I could claim to know anything about really.

I don't think I have anything like that? But I mean... the benefit of cooking for yourself is that you get to make only the things you really enjoy. This would be a problem if I didn't like vegetables or something and didn't have balance, but since I do I think it all works out just fine.

Do you have anything you really dislike doing?

Sincerely, habitualhawk

I've certainly been a little more open with my relationships recently. And that isn't to say I won't ever be happy to settle down in a closed relationship but... I don't know. I'm figuring out a lot about myself.

That sounds like a really nice way to spend time together. It sounds like you and your mom were very close.

It's fun to know but I know its not all that impressive to send a card into your pocket when there are people who can actually teleport.

That's true. I guess that makes sense haha. I didn't think about it that way really.

Currently, I hate whenever I have to go out in this freezing weather. I'll be much happier when its spring again.

Do you have a favourite season?

Sincerely,

Wow, you've made me hungry just by reading this haha all of that sounds amazing!

No allergies here--that I know of, but definitely no nut allergies! If you ever need someone to share food with I would be more than happy to help out 😆

That must be an adjustment, going from being with a larger family to on your own. Are you and your family close?

Oh, yes! My family and I are very close. We're big so we all have different personalities, and some people are closer than others to others, sure. But I think I'm close to them all!

One of my sisters says it's impossible not to love me. Sometimes I think that must be true because my one brother hardly likes anybody but he never gets sick of me. Sometimes I think that can't be true because of my dating history, haha.

What about your family?

That sounds really nice! I love that you and your family are so close. That must be a lot of fun, even if a little stressful at times with so many personalities haha

I think you seem very nice just from our few interactions! Can I ask about your dating history or is that not something you want to get into? Which is very fair if that’s the case. I can just say that personally my dating history is also not that great, so I don’t think that should be a judge of how lovable you are.

Oh I don’t have one I’m not very close with them. A few irreparably different opinions on things, unfortunately. We parted ways quite a while ago. So… just me, really.

Though I have to admit, the idea of a large family has always been appealing to me. Maybe not necessarily one with like a spouse and children—though I won’t write that off entirely of course—but just having siblings or people that you can count on. I know that sometimes siblings can be annoying; I had younger cousins who drove me up the wall growing up, but… I don’t know. It sounds nice.

It sounds like you have a lot of siblings! Do a lot of you still live together or are you all relatively independent now?

Sincerely,

Wisteriarolex

I want to start this by saying I think it is very brave to admit you've hurt people in the past. By admitting to it, I think it shows that you are acknowledging that hurt and I hope you have done the work to make sure it doesn't happen again. So, I actually think it makes you very brave. 💛

And don't worry, I make a lot of mistakes. I also speak before I think and I can be very rambly. I say embarrassing things and do embarrassing things. I tend to leave conversations and go back through them to see how much of a loser I was being. It can just be hard to know if people actually are enjoying my company or not sometimes. I just tend to overthink and overcorrect.

It doesn't help when people reinforce the fact that I am...a hard pill to swallow. That is what happened recently. It was the person I was talking about who taught me a lot of lessons. In some ways, it was a good thing, the things I learned. I think I needed to learn them. So that I would stop being so trusting.

But, it also just...reminded me that I am too much. Or not enough. I don't know. I am still trying to figure that out.

I am sorry. That is very morose of me. I apologize.

Would you rather sleep under the stars or in an aquarium? (I love this question and I am trying to distract from my moroseness so you do not think less of me.)

💛honeyamok

Thank you. I'm doing my best to learn and grow and find ways to be better. I know amending the harm I caused is probably unlikely in many ways, but I would like to atone for it all someday. Though I will admit, even if I work on it all, there is a part of me that worries I will just continue to make mistakes. I'll continue to hurt people or do things that are wrong because there's just some part of me that doesn't know how to do right. Or that no matter what I do I'll still be my mistakes and my actions and there is no fixing it or how people view me. They will only ever see me for what I've done and not who I am. It's terrifying in a way, to be left to wonder if there is anyone who will be willing to look past it all, all the dark marks and mistakes and bad choices.

I guess we're both being a little morose in our letters this time.

I will say I have seen no indication in any of our correspondences that you're a 'loser'. You seem like a lovely and kind person who is maybe a little cautious but that's alright. It's good to have caution. I have enjoyed all of our chats thus far. I'm sure I would enjoy your company in person as well.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with feeling that way. Though... I must ask, why do you think it was because you were a hard pill to swallow? Did they say something to indicate that?

I don't see you as too little or too much. You seem just right to me. I hate that you were ever made to feel like you were not enough--nobody deserves to feel like that, I am so sorry.

I feel like this was a good email for both of us. We both got to a bit more open. Relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes things can get heavy. But its always nice to know you have someone to lean on.

I don't think anything could make me think less of you, Honey. Especially not you sharing your true and honest feelings.

Sleeping under the stars is always nice. I've done that a good number of times in my life. So I do want to say that because it feels familiar, but I am curious what it would be like to sleep in an aquarium. To be surrounded by water but able to breath and rest peacefully sounds very interesting.

Though I'm not really the biggest fan of zoos or aquariums. More on principal rather than anything, I know there are ones that treat the inhabitants well, and there are cases of rescue and rehabilitation, but for the most part there's just something that feels a little wrong about taking something from its wide open home just to put it in a box.

I hope this wasn't too serious of an email and I hope you don't find it overwhelming or like a huge turn off. I suppose I just feel comfortable talking to you.

💜wisteriarolex

(ps i just went to his send and realized I rambled on so much in this email, please forgive me 😅 i'll keep our next one a little more snappy)

Please, ramble all you like. I enjoyed reading it and getting to know you better. 💛I admit, when you said you thought you would enjoy my company in person it made me so happy to think about. I think I would really enjoy your company too.

There may be people who won't be able to look past the harm. And the people you hurt may not forgive you. But you can take what you've learned and forge new relationships where you are able to apply those skills. Maybe. I don't know. I just don't think people should be judged as harshly for their past actions if they have properly atoned for them.

At the same time, I think victims deserve to feel how they feel.

The person who made me feel so small, for example. I don't know if I am quite ready to forgive them. The hurt is still too fresh. It may take a long time. Maybe one day. I don't think they hurt me so irrevocably as to be irredeemable, but I also don't know if they have learned anything from what happened.

Though, I will say, your words of encouragement have helped. It may sound silly, since we haven't even met, but they made me feel a little more confident.

I understand about the aquariums and zoos. I often feel similarly. It is so sad to think of those fish who have had the whole ocean being stuck in something so small.

I feel comfortable talking to you too. 😊

💛honeyamok

That’s always my hope. Is that people will see that I’ve tried and attempted to make some sort of change.

There are some things I’ve done I don’t know how to atone for, and there are things that I worry no matter what I do it will never be enough. I know that’s not a very bright way of looking at it, and I would hope to make amends.

Maybe it’s like you say and if I want to make these sorts of amends I have to start the relationship anew and rebuild what I damaged.

I definitely agree that the victim has every right to be mad and stay mad. I don’t think I would even expect forgiveness. If it could be something I could work toward I would appreciate their forgiveness but I don’t ever expect it. I know there are people in my life who have hurt me that I have no intention of forgiving, though those are extreme cases.

With all these things said, if it were me, even knowing that much would be more than enough. To know not just that there is a chance just for forgiveness, but to know you didn’t view me as irredeemable.

And as I’ve said, if it were me, I wouldn’t have any expectations for forgiveness and therefore would have no timeline. I say feel your hurt as long as you need, but don’t let it break you. You’re too bright a soul, don’t let one asshole dim that light.

Only forgive them when you feel ready.

I’m glad to have helped, but I don’t think I did anything but give you a place to speak. I think you’ve had the confidence inside you all along. I am glad to have helped you in any way, though. I have to say you’ve done the same for me as well.

Yeah, it’s sad to think of how cramped they are in all those tanks and cages. Or what they’ve been taken away from.

Thank you for listening to me and all your honesty. You’ve been nothing but wonderful to me and I keep feeling as though it’s unearned. I greatly enjoy talking to you and all of your insights.

I have to admit, though, the more we talk to each other, the more worry my cowardice will take over and I’ll shy away from meeting you in person.

It’s easy to talk to you and I enjoy it so much, but if we come face to face I don’t think you will see me in the same light as you do through these letters. I hope you know just how much I’ve liked getting to know more and more about you.

💜wisteriarolex

I appreciate it :)

Aren't they cool? Honestly, I don't think I knew so much about mushrooms until I made this username. Everyone keeps asking me mushroom questions and while I know some and I can figure out cooking them, I'm not exactly a scientist. There's been plenty of Googling. I might become an expert after this though.

I try to help people through my job. Spread the warmth when people need it. Maybe it's not the first thing that comes to mind. I don't work for a charity or anything, but I do try to give people experiences to make their lives a bit better. Comes probably with being in the hospitality industry. My profession is my passion and with it comes with a passion for making someone's day just a bit better.

What about you? Is your current job your passion?

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

If I ever end up in a mushroom based trivia battle, I know who I'm calling to be on my team 😆

I think that's wonderful. Working in hospitality can be a lot because sometimes there are definitely people you either don't to or don't deserve to have you be hospitable toward. It's so nice to hear you have passion for your job.

I like my job well enough. It isn't a career I ever grew up dreaming about or anything, but it's what I've done for a long time and I like to think I'm pretty good at it most of the time. It can be a little rewarding at times, but I don't think its my passion. If I'm honest, I don't know what my passion job would be. It isn't something I've ever thought about too much because my job has always just been something I do to make sure I keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach.

I've also done it for so long, sometimes it feels like its the only thing I'm good at and if I were to pivot to something else I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Did you always know that your job was something you were passionate about, or did the passion come once you started that career?

All the best,

Wisteriarolex

We'll see if I retain it all by then haha.

Oh yeah, but everyone has a bad day, you know? I don't take it personally. At least not towards me. If someone else is on the receiving end I won't hesitate to break up the situation.

I get that and it's okay to not know your passion yet. Sometimes you don't need to make your passion a job. People sometimes say that its bad to monetize your hobbies.

I'm sure it's not the only thing you're good at.

I've always known what I've wanted to be. It's been hard to get here to be honest. My family wasn't always supportive. But I didn't let that get me down.

Warm wishes,

luminousfungi

I suppose that’s true. And that’s a good way to look at it.

Thank you for saying that. I know it’s kind of silly but I do often worry that people might think of me in certain ways for still figuring myself out. Sometimes it feels as though i should know so much more about myself at this point, but I still struggle to entirely learn myself. Like there are pieces missing that no matter how hard I try I can’t find, or if I do think I’ve found them, I can’t put it into a place.

That must be hard, being at odds with your family over something like that. Especially if you it’s something you’ve always been passionate about.

Good for you for not giving in and following your passion!

All the best,

Wisteriarolex

That's good! I always find myself getting bored or tired of doing certain things over and over so I definitely need to find more variety to keep my workout routines exciting.

That makes sense and I totally respect that. As long as someone is alright with being physically affectionate at some point, then that works out for me. I've definitely started to realize that that is certainly one of my love languages, which to be honest surprised me because I used to hate being touched. I guess its all about perspective and purpose?

I admire your want for growth though, and to be adaptable to a partner while still maintaining your boundaries. That's not something you see all too often. So often people are either too selfish or too selfless in a relationship which can make the dynamics tricky.

I suppose that's true. And I guess that's why communication is so important so everyone is on the same page with those boundaries and goals. Because there's nothing wrong with someone wanting something fast or casual, but it can be extremely important to make that known at the start of things.

I think those are all very reasonable and good things to look for in a partner. Also I will say, I'm no expert chef by any means, but I would love to help in the kitchen in whatever way I can. Even if it just means stirring a sauce or cutting up vegetables haha. i think its important to be interested in your partners hobbies and activities, at least to some extent. You don't have to love them or be great at them, but at least supportive and maybe willing to try.

Is cooking something you do often? Do you have a 'specialty dish', like something you make that you feel you've perfected and its your go to to make others try?

Sincerely,

Wisteriarolex

It's good to know that you are patient and so understanding. I think it's important to be open to things as best as you can. I know my boundaries, but I also know there are things I am working on and willing to work on for a partner.

And I agree. As long as both people are on the same page for the faster or slower pace it works fine. I don't really have an opinion on a time table really. If we get along and are comfortable with each other... that's all that really matters to me. Everything else can follow as we go along.

Stirring the sauce and cutting vegetables is definitely helpful when working in the kitchen. I think if you're willing to do that already, then it would be a nice way to spend time together. But I agree. I may not know about some hobbies or activities, but if my partner loves it then I want to try and understand it and see how I can invest a little time in that as well.

I cook as often as I can. Every day or every other day depending on how busy I am. I do have a specialty dish I learned from my mother... but if I say what it is I'm afraid you might be able to narrow down who I am. It's a specific cultural dish so. But if/when we meet I can share it with you sometime.

Do you have anything you've specialized in like that? Cooking or otherwise?

I try my best to be because I know people sometimes require patience to deal with me.

I also don’t really have any sort of timetable either. I don’t really know what I’m looking for as it comes to type of relationship. I feel as though so far my sense of it all has been a little unconventional.

I think that sounds like a great way to spend time with each other. Not to mention we’d be making something together which is always a nice bonus.

I hope to get to try it someday. I’m sure it’s amazing<3

I don’t have anything that I would call my specialty, especially not with cooking. I guess I’m good with people. I also know a few sleight of hand type ‘magic’ tricks haha. Nothing to write home about though 😆

Is there anything that you absolutely can’t stand cooking?

Sincerely,

Wisteriarolex

Yeah, there's really nothing attractive about excessive gloating hahaha

I think Chippamunka's or Pizza Planet could be good for a first date. It's only as casual as you make it, you know? We could go dressed up just a bit--business casual vibes. Just because the restaurant is casual, it doesn't mean the date has to feel casual, does that make sense?

Maybe there's a good place in NTO that fits the in between vibes we're looking for haha

Those are very good green flags and I have to agree that they can be pretty important in a relationship.

Your job sounds pretty involved and intense! I won't ask for more specifics because I know that can ruin anonymity but I will ask: do you enjoy what you do?

Respecting boundaries is important, and knowing how to set them and discuss them at the start of a relationship can be challenging but its also important. I think sometimes people wait until too far into a relationship to discuss those things and it can make things go a little haywire if there are differences.

Forcing someone into something more intimate is definitely red flag territory. It can be nice to be intimate with a partner--even just in the sense of cuddling and kissing, nothing more than that--but to feel pressured into even that much isn't okay.

I have started to learn that physical touch is one of my love languages, I enjoy being close to and touching my partner in some way, but I wouldn't if they asked me not to or told me to stop. I know that for a while, I didn't like to be touched at all--not in a sexual or intimate context, just even like someone clapping you on the back or a handshake--because I wasn't used to that sort of touch and found it uncomfortable.

It took me learning my own boundaries and testing them myself when I was ready to get better about all of that. If someone had rushed me into any of that I think I would still feel so unsure about physical contact at all. Whereas now I've learned that it can be a way to express love and care and affection without words, something I never really knew was possible growing up. I know how uncomfortable it can be to feel rushed or forced in any ways--even just peerpressure to drink or something. I wouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way.

Sorry that I got a little bit ramble-y there. I'll be honest and say that I thought about deleting a lot of that because it felt really personal and maybe like too much for this stage of our messages, but I figured since its true and a part of me anyway, and the whole point of being anonymous is to wear your heart on your sleeve a little easier I decided to leave it in.

And now that I was a little emotionally vulnerable it feels wrong to tell you what physically turns me on so I'll save that for a different email haha.

Thank you for listening,

Wisteriarolex

I think it does make sense. It can be as casual or not casual as you want it to be. I like the flexibility of that. I feel like that lessens the pressure of a date in a way, if there isn't all the weight of how formal or informal it needs to be or something along those lines.

I love what I do! I'm actually at my dream job now. It might not be something other people would imagine for themselves, but I'm finally doing exactly what I've always wanted to do! Which...without giving anything away in the vaguest sense is helping people. I've always wanted to do what I can for others.

You know, that's a good point too. I hadn't thought about that. But setting those expectations early can be really good. It probably would've helped me a lot in the last romantic entanglement I was in.

I can understand that. Anything that you're not used to or haven't experienced in a while can be... unwelcome or uncomfortable. It's good that you were able to figure it out in your own way at your own pace. That's so crucial I think. That no one pressures you to do what you're not ready for.

And please don't apologize. I really enjoy your rambling. I'm getting insight into the person that you are, and that is something I am appreciating. And I also think... is that not part of the good thing with these emails? That we can try to be more honest than we might be able to when we're face to face with someone?

Maybe I can balance the scales a little bit by sharing something personal about me. I actually, despite my age now, do not have a lot of dating history or experience. I do love handholding and cuddling, but I've never really... gone further than that. Part of it is because of being busy with my career, but the other part is that that sort of thing is a bit intimidating for me and so I got to thinking maybe it was better to just wait for someone serious to come along. And now that it's been so long I guess it feels even more daunting, if that makes sense. I guess it's how you were talking about being unsure... and it is such a vulnerability as well.

So sorry I suppose it was my turn to ramble. But I do value everything you've shared with me and appreciate that you were willing to open up a little.

Your invested listener, sassyradish

I think that’s amazing that you get to live your dream! Not many people get to say they’re doing that, so that’s really wonderful. To do something that involves helping people in any way is admirable and says a lot about your character that that’s something you’ve always dreamed of.

It sounds like your last experience wasn’t so good? I’m sorry to hear that. But yes I’ve definitely also learned that setting boundaries and expectations is important. I suppose I should ask now, what are you looking for through all this?

Yes, I’ve been in situations where I was pressed into things—petty things mostly, but things I wouldn’t have done had I not felt a little pressured.

I like to think so too. It’s strange how much easier it is to be open to a stranger rather than someone you trust in person, but I guess when they’re a faceless entity it’s easier to not be hurt if they reject parts of you.

I’ll add to your vulnerability and say I’m also not all that experienced and I think at times that very much shows. Especially with some communicative parts of them all. It’s something I know I need to work on and would like to. It can be scary to show those sides of yourself especially when you feel so much farther behind your peers.

I also like your rambles. It’s nice to get a bit more insight into you in ways we might struggle a bit to express in person. I’ve enjoyed talking with you thus far. You’ve been very insightful and honest.

It’s nice to have someone to be a little vulnerable with.

Your enthusiastic soundingboard,

I appreciate it :)

Aren't they cool? Honestly, I don't think I knew so much about mushrooms until I made this username. Everyone keeps asking me mushroom questions and while I know some and I can figure out cooking them, I'm not exactly a scientist. There's been plenty of Googling. I might become an expert after this though.

I try to help people through my job. Spread the warmth when people need it. Maybe it's not the first thing that comes to mind. I don't work for a charity or anything, but I do try to give people experiences to make their lives a bit better. Comes probably with being in the hospitality industry. My profession is my passion and with it comes with a passion for making someone's day just a bit better.

What about you? Is your current job your passion?

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

If I ever end up in a mushroom based trivia battle, I know who I'm calling to be on my team 😆

I think that's wonderful. Working in hospitality can be a lot because sometimes there are definitely people you either don't to or don't deserve to have you be hospitable toward. It's so nice to hear you have passion for your job.

I like my job well enough. It isn't a career I ever grew up dreaming about or anything, but it's what I've done for a long time and I like to think I'm pretty good at it most of the time. It can be a little rewarding at times, but I don't think its my passion. If I'm honest, I don't know what my passion job would be. It isn't something I've ever thought about too much because my job has always just been something I do to make sure I keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach.

I've also done it for so long, sometimes it feels like its the only thing I'm good at and if I were to pivot to something else I wouldn't even know where to begin.

Did you always know that your job was something you were passionate about, or did the passion come once you started that career?

All the best,

Wisteriarolex

I want to start this by saying I think it is very brave to admit you've hurt people in the past. By admitting to it, I think it shows that you are acknowledging that hurt and I hope you have done the work to make sure it doesn't happen again. So, I actually think it makes you very brave. 💛

And don't worry, I make a lot of mistakes. I also speak before I think and I can be very rambly. I say embarrassing things and do embarrassing things. I tend to leave conversations and go back through them to see how much of a loser I was being. It can just be hard to know if people actually are enjoying my company or not sometimes. I just tend to overthink and overcorrect.

It doesn't help when people reinforce the fact that I am...a hard pill to swallow. That is what happened recently. It was the person I was talking about who taught me a lot of lessons. In some ways, it was a good thing, the things I learned. I think I needed to learn them. So that I would stop being so trusting.

But, it also just...reminded me that I am too much. Or not enough. I don't know. I am still trying to figure that out.

I am sorry. That is very morose of me. I apologize.

Would you rather sleep under the stars or in an aquarium? (I love this question and I am trying to distract from my moroseness so you do not think less of me.)

💛honeyamok

Thank you. I'm doing my best to learn and grow and find ways to be better. I know amending the harm I caused is probably unlikely in many ways, but I would like to atone for it all someday. Though I will admit, even if I work on it all, there is a part of me that worries I will just continue to make mistakes. I'll continue to hurt people or do things that are wrong because there's just some part of me that doesn't know how to do right. Or that no matter what I do I'll still be my mistakes and my actions and there is no fixing it or how people view me. They will only ever see me for what I've done and not who I am. It's terrifying in a way, to be left to wonder if there is anyone who will be willing to look past it all, all the dark marks and mistakes and bad choices.

I guess we're both being a little morose in our letters this time.

I will say I have seen no indication in any of our correspondences that you're a 'loser'. You seem like a lovely and kind person who is maybe a little cautious but that's alright. It's good to have caution. I have enjoyed all of our chats thus far. I'm sure I would enjoy your company in person as well.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with feeling that way. Though... I must ask, why do you think it was because you were a hard pill to swallow? Did they say something to indicate that?

I don't see you as too little or too much. You seem just right to me. I hate that you were ever made to feel like you were not enough--nobody deserves to feel like that, I am so sorry.

I feel like this was a good email for both of us. We both got to a bit more open. Relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes things can get heavy. But its always nice to know you have someone to lean on.

I don't think anything could make me think less of you, Honey. Especially not you sharing your true and honest feelings.

Sleeping under the stars is always nice. I've done that a good number of times in my life. So I do want to say that because it feels familiar, but I am curious what it would be like to sleep in an aquarium. To be surrounded by water but able to breath and rest peacefully sounds very interesting.

Though I'm not really the biggest fan of zoos or aquariums. More on principal rather than anything, I know there are ones that treat the inhabitants well, and there are cases of rescue and rehabilitation, but for the most part there's just something that feels a little wrong about taking something from its wide open home just to put it in a box.

I hope this wasn't too serious of an email and I hope you don't find it overwhelming or like a huge turn off. I suppose I just feel comfortable talking to you.

💜wisteriarolex

(ps i just went to his send and realized I rambled on so much in this email, please forgive me 😅 i'll keep our next one a little more snappy)

Yeah I agree. And a sore loser that goes to the extent of flipping the board is awful too of course, but there is just something about somebody rubbing your face in their victory too.

Burlesque is not really my style, that's true. It sounds like an interesting space though of course. Honestly Pierrot is so very different from how Pixie's was too that I don't know if it is entirely for me anymore either. But what can you do? I do agree Gusteau's is probably a bit much for a first date. Maybe Chippamunka's or Pizza Planet would be a more casual feel. Or maybe that's swinging to the side of too casual.

I can definitely talk up a storm myself, so you wouldn't hear any complaining from me. It means I get to know more about you and have good conversation. I think those are all lovely and relatable. For me my green flags are someone who is kind, who has their own passion too and wants to support me with mine.

And I get your turn off. I have a busy job myself, so it would interfere with my work and overall life if I had a partner that was constantly asking about my whereabouts or who I was with. And realistically I wouldn't be able to tell all of that anyway. I appreciate it if a partner is concerned, but not the constant checking in. That would be so exhausting. As far as any other turn offs, I think another key one for me is not respecting boundaries. I think that can go along with controlling, but just also with things like if I'm not in the mood for something or if I don't feel ready for something a little more intimate maybe. I think it's a pretty big red flag honestly.

(Tbh I didn't have any specific thoughts on turn ons and turn offs. Wasn't really thinking physical, but if you'd like to share those too, I'd be glad to hear them =] )

Yeah, there's really nothing attractive about excessive gloating hahaha

I think Chippamunka's or Pizza Planet could be good for a first date. It's only as casual as you make it, you know? We could go dressed up just a bit--business casual vibes. Just because the restaurant is casual, it doesn't mean the date has to feel casual, does that make sense?

Maybe there's a good place in NTO that fits the in between vibes we're looking for haha

Those are very good green flags and I have to agree that they can be pretty important in a relationship.

Your job sounds pretty involved and intense! I won't ask for more specifics because I know that can ruin anonymity but I will ask: do you enjoy what you do?

Respecting boundaries is important, and knowing how to set them and discuss them at the start of a relationship can be challenging but its also important. I think sometimes people wait until too far into a relationship to discuss those things and it can make things go a little haywire if there are differences.

Forcing someone into something more intimate is definitely red flag territory. It can be nice to be intimate with a partner--even just in the sense of cuddling and kissing, nothing more than that--but to feel pressured into even that much isn't okay.

I have started to learn that physical touch is one of my love languages, I enjoy being close to and touching my partner in some way, but I wouldn't if they asked me not to or told me to stop. I know that for a while, I didn't like to be touched at all--not in a sexual or intimate context, just even like someone clapping you on the back or a handshake--because I wasn't used to that sort of touch and found it uncomfortable.

It took me learning my own boundaries and testing them myself when I was ready to get better about all of that. If someone had rushed me into any of that I think I would still feel so unsure about physical contact at all. Whereas now I've learned that it can be a way to express love and care and affection without words, something I never really knew was possible growing up. I know how uncomfortable it can be to feel rushed or forced in any ways--even just peerpressure to drink or something. I wouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way.

Sorry that I got a little bit ramble-y there. I'll be honest and say that I thought about deleting a lot of that because it felt really personal and maybe like too much for this stage of our messages, but I figured since its true and a part of me anyway, and the whole point of being anonymous is to wear your heart on your sleeve a little easier I decided to leave it in.

And now that I was a little emotionally vulnerable it feels wrong to tell you what physically turns me on so I'll save that for a different email haha.

Thank you for listening,

Wisteriarolex

I have a few workouts that are pretty satisfying. A decent variety so I don't get bored of the one and stop wanting to do it. It's worked pretty well for me I think. Kept me in pretty good shape.

See? Now you're seeing the vision. I think having that kind of date is great. You can always find something positive to take away from it in that sense.

Yeah. I mean I do like touch and it's something I do enjoy in the comfort of a private space. It just might take a little time for that to translate to more public settings. It is something I'd like to work on though, because if I ever do make a good connection I want them to know that I do really care about them. And if I ever ended up starting a family, it's important to me that my kids would not have that sort of barrier for them.

That doesn't sound like low standards. Finding someone who cares about you in the same way that you care about them in itself is a process. And patience too. There are plenty of people out there who just want something fast or can't tolerate it if it takes more time to open up or do a certain thing.

For me... well I'm looking for a partner that... well yes cares about me as a person regardless of whatever status or anything is around me or them. Someone with some maturity too, because I really don't have the energy to baby my partner or try to teach them basic things. It would be nice if it was someone who liked to cook with me, because I find cooking super relaxing and a nice thing to share with someone else. But that's not essential. Just an added joy.

Sincerely, habitualhawk

That's good! I always find myself getting bored or tired of doing certain things over and over so I definitely need to find more variety to keep my workout routines exciting.

That makes sense and I totally respect that. As long as someone is alright with being physically affectionate at some point, then that works out for me. I've definitely started to realize that that is certainly one of my love languages, which to be honest surprised me because I used to hate being touched. I guess its all about perspective and purpose?

I admire your want for growth though, and to be adaptable to a partner while still maintaining your boundaries. That's not something you see all too often. So often people are either too selfish or too selfless in a relationship which can make the dynamics tricky.

I suppose that's true. And I guess that's why communication is so important so everyone is on the same page with those boundaries and goals. Because there's nothing wrong with someone wanting something fast or casual, but it can be extremely important to make that known at the start of things.

I think those are all very reasonable and good things to look for in a partner. Also I will say, I'm no expert chef by any means, but I would love to help in the kitchen in whatever way I can. Even if it just means stirring a sauce or cutting up vegetables haha. i think its important to be interested in your partners hobbies and activities, at least to some extent. You don't have to love them or be great at them, but at least supportive and maybe willing to try.

Is cooking something you do often? Do you have a 'specialty dish', like something you make that you feel you've perfected and its your go to to make others try?

Sincerely,

Wisteriarolex

I try to keep on the positive side, certainly. I spend a lot of my time in my day making sure others are comfortable and having fun so it is nice to hear when others are enjoying my energy.

I really hope to come out of this at least friends, if not more. I am a people person, always happy to add more to my circle.

I do hope that you also find what you are seeking.

Faithfully (and Fondly) Yours, Baffledbadger

You definitely strike me as the positive sort, I can get that energy from your messages alone. That sounds like a good and rewarding, but also tiring job. I hope there's someone making sure you are comfortable and having fun.

I also enjoy being around people, so certainly friends would be ideal. More could be good as well, but sometimes it can be hard to know exactly what that 'more' is and when you've found it, you know? Or is that just a me thing?

I hope you find what you're seeking as well! Someone as bright as you deserves a chance to have the light shine down on you too.

Fondly,

Wisteriarolex

Oh, so many things! Like for example my go-to summer dish is this chilled zucchini soup with goat cheese and mint that I make. And in general I make Sri Lankan egg curry a lot! And I love making khumb matar malai with homemade garlic naan. Khumb matar malai is this Indian curry dish that's creamy mushroom and cashew based, so if you have a nut allergy tell me now! And the other day I made miso salmon with soba noodles!

I live alone and it's been soooo hard cooking for one person because I come from a larger family. I need people to cook for!

Wow, you've made me hungry just by reading this haha all of that sounds amazing!

No allergies here--that I know of, but definitely no nut allergies! If you ever need someone to share food with I would be more than happy to help out 😆

That must be an adjustment, going from being with a larger family to on your own. Are you and your family close?

You very much have already put a smile on my face! I feel my heart lifting a bit whenever I get a message from you. 😊

I like to think of meeting people as fate too. Even if it is for a reason where you need to learn something. Have you ever met anyone like that?

And I agree that it would be nice just to make a friend…maybe it is too much pressure to be looking for romance so soon. Why do you say you don’t always put your best foot forward? I think you’ve done a wonderful job here. Though, I also ask because sometimes, I can feel the same way. Talk soon.

💛honeyamok

I'm very glad to hear that. That's put a smile on my face too. Your replies are definitely ones I very much look forward to receiving.

Yes, absolutely, I think sometimes you cross paths with people just to learn lessons. Looking at it as growth and something you learn from can make what feel like bad decisions hurt a little less, in my personal experience. I have met people like that, a few to be honest. Some for the better, some for the worse. Crossing paths with you on here, though, has definitely been for the better.

Have you met anyone like that?

Romance can be hard to force. Its unfair to both parties to try to make something more happen when maybe the spark just isn't really there. But I am hopeful that good things can come from this, especially since we're getting to know people on more personal levels rather than physical to start out with.

I speak before I think a lot of the time, and I act before I think even more often than that. I make rash decisions or thoughtless ones and I have seen people hurt because of mistakes I made more times than I can count. I don't mean to be a thoughtless person, but sometimes I definitely am, or I come across that way. So being able to write out what I'm going to say, read it back over, and then hit send makes me have to rethink myself and phrase things in better ways. It also makes me take my time instead of rushing into things.

Maybe that's not something you want to hear, me admitting to having my actions caused harm to others in the past, and I hope that doesn't taint your image of me too much.

I think sometimes if we get into our own heads about messing up or doing the wrong thing, that's when it's more likely to happen.

So far, I also think you've done a wonderful job here. You seem like a very thoughtful person, I can't imagine you making too many faux pas.

It won't be soon enough<3

💜wisteriarolex

Yeah, sometimes there's just too many turns and you get lost in what the person was really getting at. Sometimes you just have to spell it out. I think I might be like that sometimes in dating too. I don't always clock when people are flirting with me unless its just very direct.

Hmm, I think Portobellos. They're very hearty and sturdy and versatile. You can even substitute them for meat if that's what you need. Visually, the luminescent jack-o-lantern mushrooms are really cool looking. Definitely don't eat them though.

Aw, well I am just happy to help! It's all I ever really want to do.

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

I can also miss certain signs or read too much into certain ones. If we get to the flirtier stage of things, I'll be sure to make sure to not be so vague.

I feel like that is a good and right answer and certainly what my choice would be as well. Also I didn't know about the jack-o-lantern mushroom until now and I just looked it up and they are extremely cool! Will definitely not eat, though, that certainly sounds like a horrible idea.

I think that's a noble pursuit, just wanting to help. I hope you get plenty of help and positivity in your life as well.

Are you in a career where you get to help people often? (I'm not trying to narrow down your job to find you out or anything, just genuinely curious if this is something that's professional or just a true passion of yours.)

All the best,

Wisteriarolex

I wouldn't say that's weird. I don't mind sharing it. I usually get up, drink a cup of coffee, do a workout of some kind, shower and then read or watch a bit of news before I have to work. It's not especially exciting I know, but it is a comforting routine for me.

And I don't really think being good at art is really essential for one of those pottery painting things. The plus for me with that kind of date though is even if you didn't love the company entirely, you still get to go home with something you made for yourself as a nice keepsake.

It's nice that you're open to the possibilities of anything with a date. That flexibility is always a plus I think. And I respect the need for physical touch. It's not necessarily what I'd call my love language exactly, but I think that's also largely because my family has never been one for physical affection and I'm not all that used to PDA (but does not mean I'm against it. It just might be an adjustment at first).

Yeah I get that. Rolexes are nice but definitely not where you should steer your money if you have any concerns. I also think they're a bit over priced for what they are anyway.

So is there anything else you think is key with a person you date besides physical touch? Things or traits you know you want or that you could not stand?

Sincerely, habitualhawk

That sounds like a good routine to have. Do you have a go to workout you tend to focus on?

Well, that's good! Perhaps there could be hope for me yet on that sort of date. That's a good way to look at it, too. Like, the date may have been a bust, but at least i have this lovely new utensil holder for my kitchen 😆

That's very fair. I would absolutely respect any boundary you had with PDA, I understand that that's not everyone's thing--especially in public. Growing up, my family didn't display a ton of physical affection either and I know it was an adjustment to me seeing people being so open with that kind of affection and it took me a while to be comfortable with touch in general.

My partner's comfort comes before my desire to hold hands always.

I agree. My phone is already a clock I paid way too much for, I don't need a second one that does far less haha

I think someone who is open minded is important. As well as someone patient. I would hate to say I have extremely low standards but I'm really just looking for someone who cares about me and I care about in return.

What about you? What are you looking for in a partner?

Sincerely,

Wisteriarolex