Brittany

NFL teams play 17 games in the regular season with a week where they play no games at all.

Shane is playing 82 games in a regular season, plays all the teams in the league at least twice, more often if they're in the same conference. NFL teams don't even play all the other teams once.

He will go to a Superbowl watch party if he's not play, and knows enough to have a conversation at a barbecue but he does not follow a team or really give a shit what they're up to.

Basketball? tThey play 82 games a season like Shane. BASEBALL? 162! Those are athletes being pushed in the same grueling schedule as Shane. He is like hell yeah what stretches are baseball players doing, what are the golden state warriors doing for cardio, what are they feeding these guys, how was the draft?

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Not seeing Rozanov is not an option, so instead Shane picks out a few other cities to regularly go out by himself in. He'll go for a long walk, maybe sit down somewhere for a drink, and then catch a taxi back to the hotel an appropriate amount of time later. It's honestly pretty nice, unwinding by himself in this way, and now disappearing after games is not a thing specific to Boston! It's just another strange Hollander quirk!

Unfortunately, he fails to account for the guys on the team jumping on the most obvious explanation for all these disappearances, which is that Shane now has a girl in every port.

Word about this starts to spread quick, because it is so out of character for Shane, and pretty soon half the league is under the impression that he's some secret playboy.

“Tour Guides”